a family plus one affair
just returned from the 3rd x 7th day prayers for my dad. as usual, my 2nd aunt was there. she had cooked his favourite chicken curry and made ngoh hiang. and as usual she was full of comments... etc, etc, etc... many a times i had tension with her for what i felt was her over-involvement with my dad's funeral and post-funeral arrangements. i always felt that this should be something that is managed by my family - family as defined by `my mum and my dad's descendants'. so, to me, my aunt is an elder and as an elder, she should not go further than to take a step back and let us manage our family's internal affairs. and as my aunt, she should only give suggestions if we ask or if things go really out of hand (of which none of this sort has happened so far). or perhaps my brother had spoken with her... will give her the benefit of doubt here.
then again, she is now asking me for details of the funeral accounts such as which relative gave how much for the wake. her rationale was that knowing this would allow her to calibrate how much she should give in return if and when someone from the other side passes on... personally, i felt that this kinda details should be kept within my immediate family.
to ease my tension, i kept telling myself that she was doing all these as she felt it was part of her duty and she had treated herself (presumptuously if i might say) as part of the inner circle of my family. so, seeing from this perspective, i held back any comments that i had and take it that i should feel happy to have an aunt that is so close... hmmmph... and so, what was supposed to be my family's internal affair had been indirectly turned into my family plus one affair... (and of cos i can expect her son to be there too... so it's a plus one and a half affair)...
there is nothing wrong with all these except that now my brother has gone to the point of excluding my sisters in these prayers and had involved my aunt instead. my 2nd sis called up this morning asking what time today's prayers was. she had wanted to be involved as part of the family. when she called, we were at the columbarium. i could sense her disappointment and had to give the excuse that the 21st and 35th-days prayers are of lesser importance. as such, they need not be there. will see how i can involve them for the 49th and 100th day prayers. considered as more important and milestone prayers of the mourning period. i must make sure they attend these 2 days so that all members in my immediate family can have a proper closure to this chapter.
hmmmppphhh!!!
just returned from the 3rd x 7th day prayers for my dad. as usual, my 2nd aunt was there. she had cooked his favourite chicken curry and made ngoh hiang. and as usual she was full of comments... etc, etc, etc... many a times i had tension with her for what i felt was her over-involvement with my dad's funeral and post-funeral arrangements. i always felt that this should be something that is managed by my family - family as defined by `my mum and my dad's descendants'. so, to me, my aunt is an elder and as an elder, she should not go further than to take a step back and let us manage our family's internal affairs. and as my aunt, she should only give suggestions if we ask or if things go really out of hand (of which none of this sort has happened so far). or perhaps my brother had spoken with her... will give her the benefit of doubt here.
then again, she is now asking me for details of the funeral accounts such as which relative gave how much for the wake. her rationale was that knowing this would allow her to calibrate how much she should give in return if and when someone from the other side passes on... personally, i felt that this kinda details should be kept within my immediate family.
to ease my tension, i kept telling myself that she was doing all these as she felt it was part of her duty and she had treated herself (presumptuously if i might say) as part of the inner circle of my family. so, seeing from this perspective, i held back any comments that i had and take it that i should feel happy to have an aunt that is so close... hmmmph... and so, what was supposed to be my family's internal affair had been indirectly turned into my family plus one affair... (and of cos i can expect her son to be there too... so it's a plus one and a half affair)...
there is nothing wrong with all these except that now my brother has gone to the point of excluding my sisters in these prayers and had involved my aunt instead. my 2nd sis called up this morning asking what time today's prayers was. she had wanted to be involved as part of the family. when she called, we were at the columbarium. i could sense her disappointment and had to give the excuse that the 21st and 35th-days prayers are of lesser importance. as such, they need not be there. will see how i can involve them for the 49th and 100th day prayers. considered as more important and milestone prayers of the mourning period. i must make sure they attend these 2 days so that all members in my immediate family can have a proper closure to this chapter.
hmmmppphhh!!!
1 comment:
Pardon me to comment on your family’s affair. Think should not deprive her rights. Whether eventually she will turn up or not, it’s her decision. What do you think your father would like to see? You are the eldest male in the family, not your brother.
So sorry ....piak piak my face liao.
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