Defining Months

I previously wrote about those 5 defining days in early June. 

The effects of what happened have stretched far beyond those days, shaping the months that followed and the way I experience each moment. It was a turning point that left a deep and lasting mark on how I live my life and interact with the world - and how the world interacts with me in the foreseeable future. 

Life doesn’t always unfold as we expect, and there’s a quiet strength in learning to navigate its unexpected turns - not that I have a choice. For now, I hold this understanding close, letting it shape me in ways that are still unfolding, one day at a time. And quietly, I continue, letting each day unfold as it will, shaped by what I now carry.

Once again, I ask that no questions be asked. Let me keep this quietly within myself and among the few people I’ve chosen to share it with.

Reflecting 2025 - a Preamble

November is almost over. It’s time to pause and think about my end-of-year reflection.

2025 threw more twists and turns at me than I could control. It stretched me in ways I didn’t know were possible. It forced me to look at experiences differently, to relearn lessons I thought I had mastered, and to reconsider the relationships around me - some strengthened, some renewed, some closed. Most importantly, it nudged me to rediscover purpose and compassion. I’ve heard that in a lifetime, we face three defining challenges. Looking back, I had one in 1996, another in 2005… and perhaps 2025 is my third.

With just a month left, I’m ready to close the chapter on this year and step into 2026 with hope, clarity, and renewed optimism.

Punctuality

Being punctual is a form of respect that one should - and must - accord to the other party. Being late despite having been given a window to arrive is, to me, unacceptable.

I say this because, despite a half-hour allowance, a friend texted to say he would be late due to traffic - a reason that is difficult to accept, especially when the time buffer was generous enough to cover the entire travelling time from his home to our meeting point.

Personally, I always make it a point to arrive 10–15 minutes before the agreed time. Apart from being a sign of respect for the person I am meeting, arriving early also means feeling less stressed and showing up in the right frame of mind.

But I suppose I should not use my own norm as a yardstick for others’ behaviour.

Weight Trend

Graph showing how my weight moved over the last 3 weeks. My target is 60-62kg by year end. Should be achieveable.

Right before me!

I’ve been wanting to give away my mum’s blouses for the longest time. It has been 10 years since her passing, and I’ve never quite been able to bring myself to do it because of the deep sentimental value. 

I’ve considered donating them to the Salvation Army, temples, and so on, but given the number of blouses, transporting them would be a logistical challenge, so I never explored those options further. A friend who works at a temple suggested giving them to NGOs that support disaster victims. I decided against that, as these are good-quality blouses and probably not suitable for that purpose. 

So I ended up asking friends who have elderly family members at home, as well as friends in their mid-60s who might know elderly people who could use them. All of them eventually replied that they couldn’t accept the blouses. Then it suddenly hit me yesterday that I have a friend who volunteers at her church as part of their social outreach, and most (if not all) of the people she supports are elderly. I asked her - and she replied almost immediately that yes, she would take the blouses! 

It’s amazing how I spent so much time looking everywhere, when the right person was just beside me all along (figuratively, of course)!

Donation

2 days ago, I visited M&S Food and purchased a couple of stuff.

I paid for my merchandise at the self-checkout counter and didn’t noticed too much about how much I was charged. But something told me there was a mistake and upon checking again later, I noted that I had not been charged for 2 packets of chips…

As I was a distance away, I decided the best way to make good the short fall was to make a donation to the temple. That was the least I could do. 

:-)

Learning from Mistakes

I received a series of texts from a friend this morning. The last message said something along the lines of, “I would like to sincerely apologise to you,” and he asked if I could spare a moment for a chat.

During the call, he shared that he had made a mistake several days ago. He remembered a conversation we had a few weeks back about changing his behaviours and moving forward in life. Apparently, he slipped, hence the call. He asked if I would still consider him a friend, and whether I would judge him. He sounded genuinely remorseful.

Frankly, I was surprised he even recalled our conversation. He was someone I got to know not too long ago, and he had shared some details about his life during one of our chats. I took the opportunity then to give him some advice, and we parted ways after that. Anyway, after he apologised, I gently told him it was good that he recognised the mistake, and that he should take accountability, learn from it, and move on with life.

After we hung up, I sent him a short motivational video from Instagram. I felt he needed that little push. I wished him well.

10th Year

16 Nov marked the 10th year of my mum’s passing. Time really flies! Will be paying a visit to the columbarium to pay my respects later. 

Still missing her after all these years… 

Friends & Boundaries

Over the past half year, and in particular over the last 3 months, I’ve come to know quite a few people who, in different ways, have become rather close to me.

Among them was one who grew so close that I eventually had to gently tell him I wasn’t keen nor ready for a relationship. He became deeply emotional and we stopped talking for a while. Thankfully, he recovered from the trauma and we’re back on talking terms. And despite his repeated assurance that he now sees me as a very, very dear friend, I can’t help but wonder if a part of him still harbours hope.  

There were also a couple of others who have grown increasingly close - open, warm, and caring. Some use endearing terms when speaking to me or send regular messages to check in. One even visits me at home, brings food, fruits and little gifts; and makes it a point to buy something for me whenever he travels overseas. 

I feel deeply touched by all these gestures of care and affection. Although sometimes, it also comes with the difficult but quiet need to hold boundaries, to stay kind without being misunderstood and to care without losing clarity. The last thing I want to end up with, is hurting others inadvertently.

Of Happy Tears & Lemons

I sometimes come up with punchy lines spontaneously, and when I read them over again, I sometimes ask - how the hell did I come out with such lines. Here’s one:

It’s easier for me to cry happy tears for people than to cry sad tears for myself...

I shared this in my WhatsApp conversation with someone because we managed to help a mutual friend who has cancer get his wishes fulfilled. It meant so much to me knowing that he got what he wanted that I teared up.

As for crying sad tears, I’m not in the business of self-pity. If anything bad happens to me, I will try to see the positives, pick myself up, and move along. This reminds me of another phrase I shared with a friend recently:

Life will always give you lemons. 

When it does, make lemonade out of it - and share the joy with everyone around you!

I’ve adapted it from “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It resonates deeply with me - turning negatives into positives and while at it, spread the love and joy!

Note: Just watched 50/50 on Netflix, feeling nice and warm!

Awkward Conversation

Met up with an old friend for lunch earlier. What might have been a nice and warm reunion turned painfully awkward. I have known this friend for over 45 years and considered him a close friend. But the conversation went awry halfway through and I had to stop him from continuing. 

I walked out of the conversation feeling deeply judged and very disturbed, something that I didn’t expect. I won’t go into details of the conversation but suffice to say that at the end of the day, I decided that it is better for him to decide how this friendship continues.

As for me, I am moving forward with the quiet resolve to keep and protect my peace.

Erotic Dream

I’ve been dreaming a lot these past few days. Some of them were just ordinary - fragments of daily life - while others were downright strange, and a few were rather erotic. Here’s one that happened two nights ago. 

I walked into a dimly lit room. The scent was thick - musky, human, alive. Two sofas faced each other: a long one on the right, big enough for a crowd, and a smaller one on the left. On the larger sofa, four to five naked bodies moved together in a blur of skin and breath. It was an intoxicating tangle - highly intense and hypnotic. I moved closer for a better look. 

As I did, hands started reaching out, groping me and furiously trying to undress me. I stepped back - I didn’t want to join in. Then I turned my eyes to the smaller sofa. There sat a young man, naked. He reached out, pulled me toward him, and started talking to me. We began kissing, but he kept on talking even as our tongues tangled. Then I felt something brush against my lips and… 

I woke up. The corner of the next pillow was brushing against my lips. I was fully aroused and disappointed by the abrupt, premature end to the dream. I tried to fall back asleep quickly, hoping to return to it, but couldn’t - much to my regret.

Books I Read (Jul - Sept)

Between July and September, I probably averaged about one book a week - that’s roughly 14 to 16 books in total. When I think about it, that’s quite a lot of reading packed into three months. Some were light and contemplative, others a little heavier, but all of them spoke to me in different ways. 

Here’s what I can recall of the list so far:

1. The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down
2. Love For Imperfect Things
3. When Things Don’t Go Your Way
4. Tales of the Buddha’s Former Lives (Stories 51-100)
5. The Tattooist of Auschwitz
6. Man’s Search For Meaning
7. A Man Called Ove
8. The Headspace Guide to Meditation And Mindfulness
9. The Alchemist
10. The Alchemyst: Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel
11. The Alchemyst: The Magician
12. The Courage to be Disliked
13. A Man Named Dave
14. Chicken Soup for the Dog and Cat Lover’s Soul
15. Magic Hour

These are the ones I can remember for now - there were definitely more. I’ll try to add to the list as they come back to me. The themes running through it - mindfulness, meaning, courage, and the human spirit - mirrored what I was reflecting on during those months too.

Weird Dreams

I had 2 weird dreams this morning.

The setting of the first dream was that of a classroom and I was attending some course. The trainer was going through some content and preparing us for an exam. At the end of the lesson, he told us some content related to sustainability had been missed out in the notes provided but would be assessed. He then went on to answer a call on his mobile. The call went for sometime and I took the initiative to dismiss the class and he nodded his head to thank me. 

 

Before leaving the place, I decided to head to the toilet and the trainer said he needed to go too. We chatted as we walked. He asked me if I drove, and I replied I didn’t and will be taking public transport. Then I realised it was already past 1am and public transport had ceased. For a while, I thought he wanted to give me a lift… heh!

 

At the toilet, I went to the urinal and he headed to the cubicle. It was then that a few other trainers came into the toilet and chatted with him. He left quickly once he’s done without even bidding me farewell. Our conversation ended too abruptly and I was left hanging. It was raining outside. I regretted not riding my motorbike to class and had to book a grab.

The dream ended there. It was a random dream that made no sense to me. I woke up feeling a little stressed and confused due to the impending exams but quickly realised it was just a dream. It was 3:30am and I decided to head back to sleep. Then I had my second dream…

I was standing at the bus stop opposite my condo waiting for my bus. I was facing away from the road thinking about something. When I turned around, I saw my mum. She was stark naked and on all fours on the ground! I asked her why was she naked. She looked at me, got up and started to dress herself.

The dream ended there and I woke up again. 3:55am. Again, I couldn’t make sense of the dream. I decided not to sleep after that…

Weird.