Grateful 31 May: Vesak Day

Today is Vesak Day, a day that holds special significance for me. Buddhism is more than a religion to me. Its philosophy has shaped my thinking and behaviour over the years, and I am thankful for that. Let me take a moment to reflect on this and give thanks for it.

• As a Philosophy. I read widely about many religions during my younger years - their history, evolution, philosophies and how they are practised. I am drawn to logic and reason, and I find myself relating deeply to the wisdom of Buddhism. It is not prescriptive, and it advocates personal effort and the pursuit of wisdom. I am grateful for this body of knowledge and for how it has encouraged me to seek truth as I search for meaning in my life. 

• As a Practice. I took refuge and received the precepts more than a decade ago, and I have been observing vegetarianism during the Vesak period for many years. Being vegetarian is part of observing the precept of not taking lives. The others are abstaining from lying, intoxicating substances, sexual misconduct and stealing. I learned from my teacher that the precepts are meant to guide us in our daily actions. But being human, we may occasionally fail to observe them. When that happens, we should forgive ourselves, reflect on it and learn from it. I am grateful for this compassionate and enlightened approach. Beyond that, I try my best to live according to Buddhist principles and teachings. 

• As a Religion. I was brought up in a form of Buddhism that was very Southeast Asian - Buddhism infused heavily with Taoist practices and rituals. I remember clearly how my mum would bring me to temples to pray for health, wealth and protection - something that is not very "Buddhistic". At that age, I simply followed along without fully understanding what Buddhism meant beyond the rituals. Over time, my understanding of Buddhism deepened and I came to embrace it not just culturally or ritually, but as a religion - reflected in how I live, practise and observe it in my daily life. To me, rituals and observances are forms of discipline that help anchor me amidst the busyness and distractions of life. 

As I commemorate Vesak Day, I am reminded of how Buddhism has provided me with a solid foundation on which I conduct myself in my day-to-day life and has taught me to take responsibility for my thoughts, actions and choices, while continually striving to cultivate a better version of myself. And for this, I am grateful.

I wish everyone a Blessed Vesak Day.

Grateful 29 & 30 May: Non-Attachment

Tomorrow is Vesak Day, a day that commemorates the Buddha's birth, attainment of enlightenment, and passing into Parinibbana. It is an important day for Buddhists, regardless of tradition, and many will observe it through celebrations, prayers, rituals, vegetarianism, and personal reflection. I will reflect more deeply on it tomorrow, but for these past 2 days, I would like to give thanks for the following:

• 3-Step-1-Bow. I have observed the 3-Step-1-Bow ceremony every year since 1990. It was originally a vow I undertook to give thanks for attaining good results during my undergraduate studies. Since then, the ceremony has only been interrupted a few times - during SARS, during COVID, and once when a heavy thunderstorm forced us to stop midway and move into the main hall for a talk by the temple abbot. The ceremony usually begins on the eve of Vesak Day, as it does today. This year, however, I will not be able to participate for reasons I shall not mention here. Yet this limitation has deepened my awareness of my practice, and I am grateful for that. Buddhism teaches non-attachment, and I reminded myself not to become overly attached to attending the ceremony itself. Instead, I will spend tomorrow visiting temples and volunteer at Buddhist events in the coming week. Perhaps this is a meaningful way to devote my energy this year.

• Meditation. I started meditating regularly in Jul or Aug last year. What began as a way to calm myself down, and also to make use of available time, gradually became a daily practice. In the early months, I would feel a slight sense of guilt whenever I missed a session, telling myself that I was not disciplined enough or that I had neglected my practice. Over time, I realised that mindfulness is not confined to formal meditation. My attachment to the idea that I had to sit and meditate in order to "qualify" as practising had caused unnecessary self-judgement. These days, when I have commitments such as training sessions or events, I simply make an effort to be mindful while travelling on the MRT, going for my walks, or carrying out daily routines. Having said that, I still make it a priority to sit and meditate whenever possible. I am grateful to the many people who have guided and supported me along the way, including my Buddhist class facilitator and my Buddhist counsellor. Through this practice, I have become calmer, more aware of my surroundings, and more present in each moment.

• Vegetarianism. As part of my Vesak observance, I usually follow a vegetarian diet for 15 days leading up to Vesak Day. When I first started doing this years ago, I found it extremely challenging. Over time, however, it has become much easier. This year, the 2 weeks passed so naturally that I hardly noticed them. I think this is partly because vegetarian food is now more widely available. More importantly, however, I have become less attached to the idea of having vegetarian food and have learned to accept circumstances as they are. If there are no vegetarian options nearby, I simply eat bread and move on. In this sense, vegetarianism is as much a state of mind as it is a dietary practice. If I make an issue out of it, it becomes one. If I am not attached to it, it ceases to trouble me. I am grateful for this realisation.

These past 2 days have been restful and reflective. Tomorrow is Vesak Day, and I will commemorate it by visiting temples and spending time in reflection. I look forward to the day with gratitude and a renewed commitment to my practice.

Grateful 27 & 28: Alive

After some intense recent weeks, I want to give thanks for these past two mornings - for waking up after a relatively good sleep, feeling rested, and simply being able to soak in the freshness of the day. The cool breeze, the dew resting on the leaves of my yam plants, the many species of birds chirping away… these quiet moments have felt especially meaningful.

I realised that for quite a while, I have been so focused on the events and people that shaped my days that I forgot to give thanks for these simple daily touchpoints that remind me that I am alive and well.

A short post, but no less important.

Grateful 25 & 26 May: R&R

These 2 days after the training were much more relaxing, and they allowed me to rest and recuperate. I had a little more time to myself - catching up on routines, going for walks, and visiting Kusu Island. So, let me give thanks for: 

• D. D reached out to me early yesterday morning to ask if I would like to head to Kusu. We had spoken about it before, and I knew this trip meant a lot to him. The outing was good and gave me a welcome break from my usual routine. Above all, I had a really nice day out with D. It was thoughtful of him to buy me lunch and invite me over to his place afterwards. I am grateful for the time spent together and for his company. 

• Rest & Relax. I felt totally drained today. Perhaps it was the after-effects of the training, or maybe the visit to Kusu, where we walked quite a bit and climbed a small hillock. Whatever the reason, I felt physically exhausted. I was therefore especially thankful for the extra time I had to rest today. I managed to take a nap in the afternoon, do my laundry, and simply catch up on my own routines. 

• Walks. Despite my exhaustion, I still made it a point to go for my walks over these 2 days. I told myself that I needed to continue clocking my steps and remain disciplined. And that was exactly what I did, albeit at a slower pace. But to break the monotony, I decided to walk around Bedok Central, including the shopping mall and neighbourhood shops. It was lovely to take things easy, enjoy some snacks at the hawker centre, window shop, and clock my steps at the same time. 

Apart from the visit to Kusu, these 2 days were probably spent on simple routines - walks, laundry, watching tv, and taking naps. It was a huge contrast to the exceptionally hectic preceding few days of training. I am grateful for this slower pace, as it gave me the space to simply rest, relax, and recuperate.

Kusu Island

Made a trip to Kusu today with D to fulfill T’s last wishes. He had expressed his wish to visit the island but couldn’t do so due to his deteriorating health. 

The island had changed so tremendously much since I last visited some 5 decades ago! Then, it was a temple sited on some rocks and linked to a small hillock by a strip of sandbank that get submerged during high tide. But now, it’s a proper island with its own piers and lagoons, public amenities and all!

And similarly, the neighbouring small islands have mostly been reclaimed, enlarged and connected to each other via landlinks to became a united land mass, complete with cycling tracks, parks and all. Eye opening indeed. And it’s nice to be able to marvel at Singapore’s skyline from the southern islands. 

It was a good day out.

Grateful 23 & 24 May: An Achievement!

It's an achievement for me to have completed 4 consecutive days of training, and it was extremely exhausting. Yet amidst these 4 days, I still managed to make time for my daily walks, attend T’s wake, and tonight, I even had a double dinner and rewarded myself with a beer to celebrate this achievement. So let me give thanks for the following: 

• Smooth Training. These past 2 days, my class was a little less energetic compared to the previous run. Sensing the extremely low energy yesterday evening, I decided to make adjustments to the training plan and brought forward some of today’s activities instead. I thought it went well, and everyone ended the day happier. Towards this end, I am grateful for the familiarity I have with the content. It can only get better, although I am not sure when I will be conducting this module again. 

• Good Training Results. I received the training results for the last run last evening. It was truly uplifting for me - I obtained a 4.90 out of 5.0 score, my highest-ever score for trainer effectiveness thus far. It came as a pleasant surprise, especially considering that it was one of the biggest class I have ever managed. I am thankful for the validation the learners gave me. It was also a wonderful feeling to receive emails from some of them after class, thanking me for my facilitation and sharing that they had learned much and enjoyed the sessions. 

• Content Review. One of my peer trainers has been tasked with reviewing the module that I had just conducted, and she called me earlier today. She wanted to consult me on areas that could be improved. I am thankful for her openness in reaching out to me and humbled by the trust she has placed in me. 

These past few days have been exhausting - waking up at 5:30am and conducting training sessions till almost 6pm daily. Nonetheless, I felt a strong sense of achievement, as this was the first time I had conducted 2 consecutive runs back-to-back over 4 days. I am grateful for my familiarity with the content, the participation of the learners, and the trust given to me by my peer trainer. These were certainly the icing on the cake for me.

Grateful 21 & 22 May: Keep Going!

I am tired after two long days of training, but I am grateful for the following: 

• Energetic Class. It was one of the biggest classes I have ever had, but I was grateful that the learners were highly active and engaged. They asked deep questions and were genuinely eager to learn. Their energy kept me going. 

• Honey. I have not been feeling too well over the last couple of days. My throat was a little sore, and I was worried I might lose my voice. I was glad I had a bottle of honey in my fridge. It really helped soothe my throat.  

• Comfort. I am deeply grateful for the comfortable home that I have. I slept at 8:30pm and slept very well. I woke up at 5am feeling well-rested, and that kept me going for the rest of the day. 

The last two days have been exhausting. I hardly slept the night T passed on, and I was completely drained when I conducted the training yesterday. Yet the training ended on a high, and I remain grateful for - the energetic learners, the comfort of home, and above all, having honey at hand.

RIP

T just passed…

I cannot explain - my phone was on silent for all calls, but my phone notification was activated when the message of his passing came through; I was asleep but woke up and decided to check my phone, the message came in right when I picked up my phone…

RIP my friend…

Impending Departure

T’s condition continues to deteriorate. 

We were told he could pass away any time. Seeing him suffer, I believe we have all reached a point where we simply wish for him to go peacefully. Nonetheless, I can sense that D is still grappling with the impending loss. It was most evident when D mentioned that T wants to visit certain places, and he sighed as he shared this. Earlier, I had a brief chat with D and shared that even as we begin to grief the impending departure, we should also appreciate the good times spent with T, the camaraderie and the times spent supporting each.

Hopefully, this conversation helps him.

Grateful 19 & 20 May: Training Prep

The next few days will be busy for me - delivering training back-to-back over four days. It is the first time I will be experiencing this, and it was also a deliberate decision on my part, as one of my fellow trainers had prior commitments and asked me to help out. On this note, I give thanks for: 

• Training Content. I delivered this module last month, and the recent experience meant that I remained fairly familiar with the content. Looking back, I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to deliver it earlier. The effort I put into re-familiarising myself with the material then is now paying off, and I am deeply grateful for it.  

• Training Admin Prep. I completed all the reports and training admin 2 weeks ago. As such, the past 2 days were mainly spent going through the details again to ensure that nothing had been overlooked. Everything felt much simpler and more manageable, and I found myself feeling relatively relaxed. I am glad I did the groundwork well ahead of time. 

• Routines Remain Unaffected. With peace of mind and the assurance that things are under control, life continued largely as normal. I still met friends for meals, spent time outside, and visited T at the hospice. Despite the intensity of the upcoming training days, I am grateful that life did not become consumed by work or stress.  

The next few days will no doubt be intense. Yet, in perspective, I realised that I did not have to spend every waking moment preparing for the training. Because of familiarity with the content and the advanced preparation already done, life over the last 2 days continued normally with minimal stress. And for that sense of steadiness and balance, I am truly grateful.

Grateful 17 & 18 May: Connections

These days, life has settled into a rather familiar rhythm - visiting T daily, meeting D and sometimes his friends for meals, catching up with colleagues and simply staying connected with people around me. On the surface, things may seem routine. Yet within these routines, I continue to find meaning, warmth and moments that I am quietly grateful for.

• An Unlikely Rallying Point. T has been very unwell over the past two days and his condition has deteriorated quite significantly. He coughed up blood yesterday and was too ill to interact with us when we visited him. However, today he seemed somewhat more alert and energetic. He was able to notice our presence and, at times, utter a few words. Small things, perhaps, but they mattered. What T may never fully realise is that through his illness, he has unknowingly become a rallying point for many of us — for me, D, some of our mutual friends, and even his siblings. It is through these visits that I have also come to know D’s friends, S and V, better. Tonight, after visiting T, the 4 of us went for dinner together. In a strange but meaningful way, T has brought people together. For that, too, I am deeply thankful.

• Surprise Visit by N. I have known N since my days in the aviation industry. In fact, I had recruited him. We remained in contact even after I left the industry. So this morning, I had a pleasant surprise when N texted me at 8am with a simple “Good morning”. I was puzzled at first because he is from India and it should have been the middle of the night there. I later learnt that he was transiting in Singapore on his way to North Asia for a holiday. As his flight was only at night, he had the day to spare and we quickly arranged to meet. His wife was with him and we ended up spending a really lovely afternoon chatting over a meal. It felt spontaneous, easy and comforting - the kind of catch-up that reminds me how connections that began as professional relationships can gradually evolve into friendships, quietly enduring despite time and distance. I am really glad he reached out.

• Vegetarianism. Yesterday marked the start of the 4th lunar month and, as part of my yearly practice, I began observing vegetarianism again. I will continue to do so until Vesak Day. This is a personal practice and a commitment I made to myself as a Buddhist. After so many years, it has become almost second nature to me. Even so, I am always mindful that my dietary restrictions may inconvenience friends when we meet for meals during this period. What touched me over these 2 days was how readily friends adjusted their own meal choices so that we could dine together - just like how D, S and V decided on an impromptu vegetarian dinner today! It reminded me again that meals are never just about food. There is something deeply comforting about sharing a table, adjusting for one another and simply enjoying each other’s company. Honestly, food always tastes better when eaten communally. 

So while these days may appear routine on the surface, they have also been filled with quiet moments that remind me how fortunate I am to have people around me who continue to connect, make space for one another and journey together through both ordinary and difficult days.

Grateful 15 & 16 May: T

It has been two meaningful days for me, and both centred around T, my terminally ill friend. I want to talk about it here, and also share what I am grateful for. 

• T. I have known T since last July. It was through D that I got to know him much better. Without going into too much detail, there was once when T walked past me and handed me a sweet. I appreciated that simple gesture very much, and on another occasion, I went up to thank him. That was how we first got to know each other. I later learnt from D that T had initially mistaken us to be partners. Nonetheless, the 3 of us eventually spent quite a bit of time together. It came as quite a rude shock when he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. His cancer was highly aggressive, and within the last 6 months, he had deteriorated to the point where he is now mostly bedridden. He has been given a prognosis of a few weeks to, at most, 2 - 3 months. I am grateful for his friendship. It may have been short, but I can see that he is of good character, and I deeply appreciate the warmth and kindness he has shown me. 

• T’s siblings. Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to know T’s siblings and spoken with them on many occasions. They do not know the circumstances of how D and I came to know T, nor do they know that both of us are gay. On one occasion, it was slightly awkward when T’s sister asked me about my wife and children, but I politely changed the topic. Nonetheless, I am grateful to them for being so hospitable and gracious towards us, and for treating us as T’s close friends. 

• Visit to River Wonders. T had expressed a wish to visit River Wonders to see pandas. He had never seen a real panda before, and Wish Ambulance Singapore organised the visit for him. T invited D and I to join him and his siblings. It was a lovely visit, though also a poignant one, knowing this could possibly be the last time he would leave the hospice alive. The mood throughout the visit felt heavy in an unspoken way. Everyone was cheerful and happy to see the animals and the panda, but at the same time, we could all see how tired he was and how much effort it took for him to keep going. The visit lasted only about 4 - 5 hours, but it was obvious that it had completely drained him by the time the visit ended. I am grateful he invited me. It gave me the opportunity to know his family better and to be part of what may well be his final outing. 

• Supporting T & D. D and I visited him again today, and he had clearly not recovered from the outing. He was exhausted and could barely stay awake most of the time we were there. D and I chatted quietly while he slept, occasionally coughing and needing to clear his sputum. I could also sense D managing his own grief as he watched T slowly fade away. It was a sombre sight. I told myself that I want to be there as much as my schedule allows - not just to keep T company, but also to support D during this period. I am grateful that I can be there for both of them in some small way. 

So this post is really about T. I would not dare to say that I know him very well, but when a friend is in this state of health, it is difficult not to reach out. I am grateful that he opened up and extended his friendship to me. He is straight, but very accepting and comfortable around us. D often tells me that T would say I am a little too serious and should loosen up more. He also liked teasing me together with some of our mutual friends. I am glad that I can be around to bring him some comfort and to support him as he walks through these final weeks of his life.

Grateful 13 & 14 May: Showing Up...

I think I have found a new routine over the last two weeks, and I am glad I did. I have been visiting my friend T regularly whenever my schedule allows, and it has been something very meaningful for me. I would usually visit him with D, and through these visits, I have also gotten to know D better. Apart from visiting T, my days have also been filled with activities such as attending events, meeting friends and simply staying connected with people. The past two days were very much like that. As I consolidate my thoughts tonight, I want to give thanks for the following: 

• Grandma’s Death Anniversary. Yesterday, I made a trip to the columbarium to commemorate my grandma’s 51st death anniversary. I believe I am the only one in my generation who still does this. I was glad that the skies cleared when I visited. It turned out to be a lovely visit. Being a weekday, the columbarium was quiet and almost empty. Rather than making me think about death, the many tombstones and niches reminded me of the countless stories that each departed person carried in life. In a way, cemeteries and columbaria are like huge libraries that preserve the stories of the past. They connect us to our ancestors, our memories and ultimately, our own stories. On a separate note, it was interesting that when I updated my aunt about visiting my grandma’s niche, she remarked that grandma had passed on so long ago that it was probably no longer useful to burn joss paper, since she would not be able to enjoy whatever we offered. It was such a cute yet practical remark. To me, paying respect to our ancestors is as much about remembering them as it is about remembering the living and the values they left behind in us. This year, I did not make any offerings. Instead, I made a small donation to the temple in her name, and somehow, that felt more meaningful. 

• Meeting K. I met K for tea after visiting the columbarium, and we had a very nice catch-up. It had been quite some time since we last met, as he has been busy adjusting to his new job. It was such a coincidence that he was free yesterday. I was also glad that I managed to convince him to visit T with me today. T was so happy to see K, and I felt grateful to have been able to bring him some joy and companionship, even if only for a while. 

• Chatting with B. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with B last evening. We spoke about many things, including our families and our respective practices when it comes to remembering and respecting the departed. B is from Malaysia, and Malaysians tend to commemorate such occasions in a much louder and more traditional manner. Yet, from what he shared, I sensed that the underlying familial bonds and filial piety are very similar. I shared with him about commemorating my grandma’s anniversary, and he was surprised that I still continue to do so more than 50 years after her passing. It was a lovely conversation, and I felt deeply warmed by the exchange. 

• Growth.  I attended an AI workshop today, and it was surprisingly fun. We learnt how to create apps, images and videos using AI tools. This workshop is the first of many sessions aimed at helping us better understand AI and how it can support our work and daily lives. One thing I appreciated was the effort being made to help ordinary people become more comfortable with AI instead of being left behind by it. We will also receive fundings sponsored by the government to subscribe to some AI tools after the workshop, which I am thankful for. Personally, I make it a point to attend such workshops not simply because they are free of charge, but because they keep me engaged with the larger community. More importantly, they provide me with opportunities to continue learning and staying updated with what is happening in the world around us. I am looking forward to exploring more in the months ahead. 

These were some of the highlights from the past 2 days. As I reflect on them, I realise how much this season of life has become centred around presence - being present for friends, staying connected to memories of loved ones, and continuing to learn and grow. That, probably, is what growing older is increasingly about: not chasing after big moments, but quietly showing up for people, memories and experiences that matter. For all these moments, both quiet and meaningful, I am deeply grateful.

Grooming

I had lunch with D today before visiting T at the hospice. I brought along my hair trimmer and managed to give T a haircut and shave. He had been in the hospital for quite a while and had not been able to visit the barber or properly shave. It was good to see his face brighten up after the haircut and shave! It may seem like a simple act of grooming, but I think it went beyond that. It gave him back a sense of self and dignity.  

Glad I could bring him some cheer!

Grateful 11 & 12 May: Living life

So life has been happening and here’re some things that I thought worth capturing and thankful for:

• Dentist. I chipped a molar and went to the dentist. It turned out to be quite a pleasant experience (not just because I thought the dentist was cute). He gave my teeth a thorough cleaning and explained that part of the crown had broken off. He said he could remove and repair the crown, but there was a risk of chipping the tooth beneath it. Instead, he suggested simply smoothing the chipped area first and seeing how things go. I was glad and grateful for his honesty, as some dentists might have immediately recommended removing the crown for business reasons.

• Friends. I have been visiting T at the hospice whenever I can over the past few days, and during my visit yesterday, I managed to catch up with D, S, and V. While I meet D quite frequently, it is much harder to do so with S and V because of their work schedules. So it was really lovely spending time with them. They are D’s lifelong friends, and I only got to know them late last year. I’m grateful that our paths crossed becos they are genuinely nice people.

• Buddy. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with my buddy, and we were able to share more openly about our feelings. I’m grateful for his presence over the last two years following my breakup. Let’s see how things develop. Whether we remain friends or eventually become partners is perhaps less important than having someone we can talk to, confide in, support, and eventually grow old with.

• Invite. I had arranged to meet J for lunch this Friday but decided to take a rain check because T invited me to join him on a visit to the River Safari. The trip is organised by Ambulance Wish Singapore, a charity that fulfils the final wishes of terminally ill patients. T asked for this visit because he has never seen a real-life panda before. I feel both grateful and honoured by the invitation. I’m now thinking of preparing some durian purée for him. He has often lamented his inability to eat, and I thought he might enjoy it.

• Extended Family. I joined my aunt, uncle and cousins for dinner last evening. It was the first gathering for us since the passing of my eldest aunt two weeks ago. The dinner was warm, relaxed, and surprisingly positive in mood. I’m grateful to my cousin PL for extending the invitation and to ML for buying grapes for me. These may seem like small gestures, but they spoke volumes to me. Being included in their family dinner meant a lot.

• Training Prep. I have two more modules to deliver next week, and with over 30 learners to teach, the amount of training admin and reports to draft is huge! But I’m proud to say that I have completed all the preparation work and drafted the reports. Barring any last-minute changes, such as the addition of new learners, I can now focus fully on reviewing the content. 

• Validation. I received the training evaluation report last night for the programme I conducted over the weekend. The learners rated the training highly, and the findings strongly validated the positive learning experiences they had throughout the programme. 

So yes, there has been much to capture over the past two days. Perhaps it reflects the richness of my life in this season: relatives, friends, companionship, and work. All these matter deeply to me because they align closely with what I want to focus on this year — remaining grounded in gratitude, living with purpose and compassion, nurturing relationships that matter, and caring for my health and well-being.

Grateful 10 May: Perfecto!

I have finally completed the training! I delivered the module over the last 2 days. As with all training sessions, I started very early in the morning and remained busy all the way until early evening. But this time round, everything unfolded so smoothly, and I am deeply thankful for it. More than that, I found myself genuinely enjoying the experience instead of constantly firefighting issues or worrying about what might go wrong. Here are my gratitude reflections: 

• Training. I successfully delivered the module over the last 2 days. The class was the smallest I have ever had, and I initially felt somewhat apprehensive about whether I would be able to create a positive learning experience for the learners. But my apprehensions turned out to be unfounded. In fact, it was precisely because of the small class size that I was able to interact meaningfully with every single learner. There was hardly a moment when anyone seemed disengaged, and I could genuinely feel the collective energy of the class throughout the sessions. The atmosphere felt warm, lively, and positive, and I found myself enjoying the interactions rather than simply focusing on completing the training. I am truly grateful that I was able to give proper attention to every learner and create a learning space that felt engaging for everyone. 

• Assessment. I was also especially thankful that the assessment process went exceptionally smoothly. Every learner completed the assessment ahead of time, which is something I rarely encounter. In addition, I only needed to conduct recovery for two learners, and even then, it was not because they lacked understanding of the content. Rather, they had simply missed out parts of the questions. Looking back, this was probably one of the best assessment outcomes I have ever achieved for this module. I believe the small class size certainly helped, but I also recognise that the additional preparation I put in beforehand made a significant difference. It was reassuring to see that the effort invested behind the scenes translated into a positive outcome for the learners. 

• Smooth Training Admin. I am equally grateful that all the training admin matters - attendance taking, portal access, logistics, and coordination - went without a hitch. Usually, there are bound to be technical issues somewhere along the way: QR codes failing to load, learners being unable to access attendance pages, or last-minute admin complications that require follow-up reports afterwards. But this time, everything simply worked! The absence of disruptions allowed me to focus fully on the learners and the delivery itself, instead of dividing my attention between teaching and troubleshooting. That alone made the entire experience feel lighter and far more enjoyable.  

Looking back, I think what I am most grateful for is not simply that the training went well, but that I was able to experience the entire process with a sense of calmness, confidence, and enjoyment. The smooth delivery, positive learner engagement, lively interactions, excellent assessment outcomes, and seamless admin all came together in a way that made these two days deeply fulfilling for me as a trainer. Tonight, I can finally rest with a genuine smile on my face, grateful for everyone and everything that made this possible.

Grateful 8 May: All Systems Go!

I thought it was necessary to write an entry today rather than wait till tomorrow, as I will probably be too exhausted after a full day of training delivery. So here goes: 

• Training Preparation Completed. I agreed to take over the training on Tuesday while I was in the midst of attending my aunt’s wake. The training delivery is scheduled for this weekend, which meant I had only 3 days to prepare. That is an incredibly tight timeline, but I agreed readily as there was no one else available to do it. This is probably the fastest I have ever completed my training preparation: content review, report writing, activity sheets, and so on. I am glad I had conducted this module before and had previously spent considerable time going through every slide and activity in detail. That familiarity allowed me to ramp up the preparation incredibly quickly. 

• Canvas Down. I learned from a fellow trainer this morning that there was a worldwide Canvas outage. This followed the recent hacking of the Canvas Learning Management System (LMS). It got many of us worried, as we rely on the system to distribute learning materials and conduct assessments. Another trainer asked me whether I thought the LMS issue would be resolved by tomorrow, and I replied, “Pessimistically optimistic - especially since it’s a global outage. Even if they get it up, they will still need to check the settings to ensure everything is properly in place, and that would take time.” With that in mind, I immediately went into contingency planning mode and converted the assessment documents into Word files in case the IT department could not get the LMS up in time. I was relieved to receive a text late in the evening saying that the system was back up and everything had been restored. Grateful to the IT department for their quick actions. I did a check and everything looks good. Hopefully it runs smoothly this Sunday! 

• All Systems in Place. Barring any more unforeseen issues, it is all systems go for tomorrow’s training. And that is not easy given the sheer number of processes that need to be in place: LMS setup, trainer portal setup (for training administration, attendance taking, assessment recording, training evaluation, etc.), government attendance tracking settings, and more. I am grateful to the operations team for putting all these in place at such short notice. Ironically, I think it was precisely because it was an urgent last-minute change that everyone paid extra attention to it. Still, I am grateful for the support and teamwork. 

So yes, today was very much about training preparation. Despite the last-minute shock of the system downtime, everything got sorted out and it is now all systems go. Beyond that, I also managed to catch up with PY over a very nice lunch, visited T at the hospice again, and achieved my exercise goal by walking some 10 km before taking the bus home after the visit. All in all, it was a productive day.

Looking forward to the training tomorrow!

Grateful 6 & 7 May: People & Life

I had a busy 2 days. Yesterday, I attended my aunt’s funeral, met up with some friends for lunch, and then visited another friend at the hospital. And today, it was training preparation before I decided to visit my friend at the hospital again. Despite the packed schedule, it was meaningful, especially as it involved a full spectrum of people in my life. So let me give thanks for the following: 

• Family & Friends. The theme that ran through these 2 days centred around life and the people who journey with me through it. My aunt’s funeral was an emotional event, especially when the casket was moved in for the cremation. The event reminded me of how short life is, having known and interacted with my aunt since I was young, and now she is gone. I was also reminded of mortality when I had lunch with a friend who is suffering from cancer, and later when I visited another friend who is in the final weeks/ months of his life. These events reminded me of the importance of valuing life and being thankful for the time we have with our family and friends. 

• Fellow Trainers. Apart from the many activities happening, I was also caught up with training preparation. 2 days ago, I received a call from a peer trainer. She sounded flustered as the training dates given to her at short notice clashed with her other commitments, and she asked if I could stand in for her. The training is over the coming weekend. With only 4 days before the training delivery, it was indeed very last minute. I agreed as I had delivered this module before. Above all, I was thankful that it gave me the opportunity to stay familiar with this particular module. But more importantly, I was thankful that I was able to stand in for my fellow trainer. 

• Self. It had been an extremely exhausting few days with the wake, the early funeral, and days packed with activities - lunch, hospital visits, training preparation, and so on. So I am thankful that I was able to sleep well through the night over the last two nights. This is especially meaningful given the many nights of insomnia I had before that. The sleep was really good, and I woke up feeling properly rested. 

It had been an interesting 2 days where life, busyness, and loss all sat alongside each other. One moment, we are grieving someone who has passed on; the next, we are supporting those still fighting through illness, while continuing with our own responsibilities and routines. Significantly, these 2 days involved the full spectrum of people in my life - family, friends, peer trainer, and my own self. And perhaps that is what life really is - learning to hold joy, sorrow, purpose, fatigue, and gratitude all at the same time. And for that awareness, I am thankful.

Grateful 4 & 5 May: Wake

It’s been two long days attending and helping out at the wake. Tomorrow is the funeral. The prayers will start at 7:45am and the cremation will be at 9:30am. I need to leave my place at 6am, so I’m going to keep this post short and simply focus on what I am grateful for. 

• Managing the Living. It was supposed to be a Buddhist funeral, but when I first arrived at the wake, I noticed all the Taoist paraphernalia - paper house, car, gold and silver mountains, and other elaborate offerings. I later learned that another aunt had raised the need, and my cousins had dutifully arranged for them. The exact same thing happened during my dad’s funeral. It reminded me once again that funerals are not just about honouring the dead, but also about comforting the living. Sometimes people do certain things not because they believe in them, but because they want to give others peace of mind, avoid regret, and allow everyone to grieve without conflict. I was grateful that the family understood this and chose harmony over insistence. 

• Folding Joss Paper. Given that it’s a Buddhist-Taoist funeral, much of the last two days was spent folding joss paper. Everyone chipped in quietly. Perhaps what’s important was not about preparing offerings for the deceased but more about what it did for the living. Sitting together, folding paper and chatting in between moments of silence gave us space to gather, reconnect, and simply be present with one another. I’m thankful for this simple yet meaningful tradition. 

• Funeral Preparations. It was touching to see everyone dressed according to their generation’s colour. At a glance, you could tell who were from my generation (the children), my nieces and nephews (the grandchildren), and my grandniece and grandnephew (the great-grandchildren). It reminded me that funerals are not just about death, but also about continuity - about family lines, relationships, and belonging. These traditions may appear old-fashioned to some, but I find something deeply meaningful in them. They bring structure and clarity during a time when emotions can easily feel overwhelming. 

Tomorrow will no doubt be emotional. But more than anything else, I find myself grateful to witness how closely knit this family is. Over these two days, I have watched them look out for one another in both big and small ways - helping with funeral matters, checking in on one another, reminding each other to eat, and making sure no one carries the burden alone. In moments like this, you see clearly what family truly means. And I am grateful to be part of that extended family.

Orphan

“I’m finally an orphan at 64 years old” my cousin said. 

$2.50

It’s been sometime since I had a meal that cost me only $2.50. And top it off, it tasted really good! I believe only an Asian will understand what I mean when I say - fragrance of steaming hot rice!

Grateful 3 May: RIP

My aunt just passed on 2 hours ago. I am still processing the news even as I type this. So let me keep this short and give thanks for: 

• My Aunt. She was in her 90s and had lived a long and full life. I was about to leave my Buddhist class when my cousin’s WhatsApp came in: “My mum just passed away at the hospital.” Everything came to a standstill for a moment. I last saw her during CNY and she was already frail then. I may not have been as close to her as I was to another aunt, but the passing of an elder in the family still carries weight. Her quiet presence over the years helped hold the extended family together, and I am grateful for that. 

• My Cousins. I am thankful to my cousins for rallying around my aunt during her final years. They have consistently included me in their regular family gatherings, and that gave me a strong sense of belonging. In particular, I am grateful to PL for remembering me and informing me of her passing. We had spoken before about managing the eventuality of my aunt’s passing. The next few days will no doubt be emotionally and physically draining for her and the rest of the family. For this evening, I will give them space to settle the immediate arrangements and visit tomorrow when things are a little more settled. 

• My Extended Family. We all move through different phases of life, and I am at an age where family gatherings increasingly happen at what we Chinese call “white events” rather than “red events”. In the coming days, I will likely reconnect with many of my other cousins and relatives during the wake. Despite the occasion, there is something quietly comforting about families coming together again. Perhaps this too is part of what keeps a family connected across generations.

My aunt was in her 90s and, mentally, I think all of us knew her passing would come sooner rather than later. Still, when it finally happens, it feels unsettling. Yet beneath the sadness, I also sense other emotions - gladness that her passing was peaceful, relief that her suffering has ended, gratitude that she was surrounded by family in her final moments, and a quiet sense of celebration for a life that was long lived. And perhaps my cousin expressed it best when he said, “Mom is in a better place and she is finally reunited with my dad once again.” 

RIP Ah Kor.

Grateful 2 May: Rest & Recuperate

After an intense week, the last thing I expected was a difficult night and poor sleep. So I decided to just take things slow today. And for that, I am grateful for: 

• Mind. Allowing myself to rest a little longer. After my morning meditation, I decided to go back to bed and rest a while more. There’s no rush to engage in deep thinking or handle heavy work. It’s simply a day to slow down, breathe, and take things gently. My mind needs this break, and I’m grateful for it. 

• Body. The opportunity to pause and give myself the space to simply laze in bed. No stress to do anything intense or physical. Just being spontaneous and napping if I feel like it. After a week of constantly moving and doing, the pause for my body feels necessary. 

• Stomach. Taking things easy and not stressing my stomach, especially after the indigestion from last night’s oily Chinese food. So today’s meals were light and without the pressure to have my “usual” meals on time. Just slow walks, watery porridge, and plenty of water to settle the stomach. It’s a day to recover and reset. 

Being intentional about resting and giving myself the space to recuperate is probably the best thing I can do for myself today. And I’m grateful that I made the decision to do so, especially after a night of poor sleep and feeling uncomfortable from indigestion. Sometimes, our body has a way of telling us to slow down when our mind keeps wanting to push on. Today felt like one of those reminders.

Grateful 1 May: Home

It’s Labour Day, a public holiday, and I finally decided to do something I had wanted to do for quite a while - visit Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. By all accounts, it was meant to be a restful day, but I ended up experiencing much more than that. On that note, let me give thanks for the following: 

• Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. Finally made it to the reserve. It had been on my mind for quite some time, and although I had made several attempts previously, they never materialised for various reasons. I took a two-hour journey there, only to stay about 45 minutes because of an impending thunderstorm. Still, I was glad I went. I managed to hike through the coastal trail and mangrove swamp, and from across the waters, I could even see Malaysia. For a moment, I felt like a local tourist. Stepping out of my usual spaces and routines turned out to be a refreshing escape. 

• Foreign Workers. The visit to the northern part of Singapore, made up largely of industrial estates, felt somewhat surreal. Yet, I am thankful I made the trip because it allowed me to experience a side of Singapore that I would not normally encounter if I had remained within familiar spaces. Being a public holiday, it was also a day off for many foreign workers. The buses and trains were crowded with South Asians - Indians, Bangladeshis, and others - and for a moment, it hardly felt like Singapore. Admittedly, I felt somewhat uncomfortable because everything around me felt unfamiliar. But upon reflection, these workers are far away from home, making sacrifices and filling labour gaps that many of us would not take on ourselves. And for that, I am grateful. 

• “Homecoming”. After the visit, I made my way to Marine Parade via the MRT. Marine Parade is a place I grew up in and one that feels deeply familiar to me. What struck me during the journey was how noticeably the profile of commuters changed along the way - from one that were made up almost entirely of South Asians to one that was far more heterogeneous and reflective of Singapore’s broader demographic mix. The contrast felt especially stark. It felt like a homecoming of sorts. There was a sense of familiarity and safety in returning to a place that felt like home. I had a late lunch, made my way back, and by then I was thoroughly exhausted. Thankfully, I managed to get some rest. 

In all, today reminded me how easy it is to remain within familiar spaces and routines. Yet sometimes, stepping outside them - even briefly - allows us to see life, people, and even ourselves a little differently. Perhaps gratitude also comes from learning to sit with both comfort and discomfort, and recognising that every person around us is simply trying to build a life the best way they know how.