Grateful: Peace Beneath the Rain

I was doing some work when it started raining outside. Feeling a little melancholic, I decided to get AI to help me write a song about the rain, before using another AI tool to turn the lyrics into an actual song. I asked for a ballad that was easy on the ears, and the outcome was surprisingly good. Now, the song has been playing over and over in my head... 

Here’s the song and its lyrics:

Peace Beneath the Rain

[Verse 1]

Rain taps softly on the window pane 

Washing the dust from a tired day 

I let each drop fall where it may 

And feel the noise inside me fade away 

[Pre-Chorus]

The clouds don't ask me to explain 

They simply loosen every chain 

[Chorus]

Let it rain, let it rain 

Clear the corners of my mind again 

Every drop takes a little weight 

Leaves me breathing at a gentler pace 

When the world feels hard to understand 

I find a little peace beneath the rain 

[Verse 2]

Puddles hold the silver afternoon 

Branches bow beneath the quiet tune 

I walk slowly, giving time its room 

And watch my scattered thoughts return too soon 

[Pre-Chorus]

But even restless thoughts can drift 

When the sky gives what it gives 

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]

I don't need an answer tonight 

Just a window and the softened light 

Let the water carry what I cannot name 

Till I meet myself without the ache 

[Final Chorus]

[Outro]

Let it fall, let it fall 

There is room inside it all

Simply enjoying myself with all these AI tools and am grateful to be reminded again of the convenience it gives me; and for the rain that cooled the weather down somewhat!

Honey

Been watching YouTube lots these days, sometimes just as white noise as I work but mostly for me to sing along when I have nothing better to do in the evenings. And this song came on this evening. It is one of those songs that sticks in the mind... for me it does. It's a sad song too. Listening to it reminds me of the simpler days when I was much much younger. That was the time when songs has meanings and tell heartfelt stories. It is definitely before my time. I identify strongly with songs from 50s - 90s... 

[Verse 1]

See the tree, how big it's grown

But friend, it hasn't been too long

It wasn't big

I laughed at her, and she got mad

The first day that she planted it

Was just a twig

[Verse 2]

Then the first snow came

And she ran out to brush the snow away

So, it wouldn't die

Came runnin' in all excited

Slipped and almost hurt herself

And I laughed 'til I cried

[Verse 3]

She was always young at heart

Kinda dumb and kinda smart

And I loved her so

And I surprised her with a puppy

Kept me up all Christmas Eve

Two years ago

[Verse 4]

And it would sure embarrass her

When I came in from workin' late

Cause I would know

That she'd been sittin' there and cryin'

Over some sad and silly

Late, late show

[Chorus]

And Honey, I miss you

And I'm bein' good

And I'd love to be with you

If only I could

[Verse 5]

She wrecked the car, and she was sad

And so afraid that I'd be mad

But what the heck

Though I pretended hard to be

Guess you could say she saw through me

And hugged my neck

[Verse 6]

I came home unexpectedly

And caught her cryin' needlessly

In the middle of the day

And it was in the early spring

When flowers bloom and robins sing

She went away

[Chorus]

And Honey, I miss you

And I'm bein' good

And I'd love to be with you

If only I could

[Verse 7]

One day while I was not at home

While she was there and all alone

The angels came

Now, all I have is memories of Honey

And I wake up nights

And call her name

[Verse 8]

Now, my life's an empty stage

Where Honey lived and Honey played

And love grew up

And a small cloud passes overhead

And cries down on the flower bed

That Honey loved

[Verse 1]

And see the tree how big it's grown

But friend, it hasn't been too long

It wasn't big

And I laughed at her, and she got mad

The first day that she planted it

Was just a twig

Lyrics from https://genius.com/Bobby-goldsboro-honey-lyrics 

Knife

“Knife” is one of my favourite songs from my secondary school days. I was really into it back then - it felt intense and emotional, and I would sing it like I meant every word. But funny enough, it never quite stuck with me over the years, not like how some other songs did.

For some reason, it came to mind today while I was listening to old songs on my phone, so I looked it up online. It felt nice to hear it again - and to sing along, of course. Strangely, I think this might be the first time I’ve really paid attention to the lyrics. I used to sing (or scream) this song whenever it came on the radio. And even now, I can still do it without thinking twice about the words. But honestly, I never quite took in the full extent of what the song was saying. Not until today. 

Thinking back, it’s odd how the lyrics never registered before. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to hear them. Years ago, I had romanticised parts of the lyrics during my breakups (that I had initiated) - even though the song’s about being dumped - and let it mess with me in all the ways possible. But listening to it now, after actually being dumped last year, I can say this about what I went through: I felt the loss and I did grieve. But definitely not in the way the song describes. In retrospect, maybe it was never a conventional relationship to begin with.

The truth is, I did love him - but maybe not in a romantic way. Or maybe he was just there to fill a void when we started, and through the years I was simply doing what I thought was my part. And just like the song, what once felt intense in the moment didn’t quite leave a lasting mark. Well, it doesn’t matter now. Whatever it was, I never felt the kind of heartbreak this song describes. 

It’s been a year, I’ve moved on. 

:-)

Knife

Rockwell (1984)

You touched my life 

With your softness in the night 

My wish was your command 

Until you ran out of love 

I tell myself I'm free 

Got the chance of livin' just for me 

No need to hurry home 

Now that you're gone 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

You cut away the heart of my life 

When I pretend 

Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends 

I wonder if they know 

It's just a show 

I'm on a stage 

Day and night I go through my charades 

But how can I disguise 

What's in my eyes? 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

You cut away the heart of my life 

Oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh... 

I've tried and tried 

Blocking out the pain i feel inside

The pain of wanting you 

Wanting you 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

You cut away the heart 

Of my life

you're beautiful

this is a beautiful song. but i cannot help but feel the mtv depicted the character committing suicide at the end of the clip. just look at all the signs of a suicidal person - letting go of things, arranging things neatly, saying words that suggest this is the end, etc... what do you think?

you're beautiful
james blunt

my life is brilliant.

my life is brilliant.
my love is pure.
i saw an angel.
of that i'm sure.
she smiled at me on the subway.
she was with another man.
but i won't lose no sleep on that,
'cause i've got a plan.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

yes, she caught my eye,
as we walked on by.
she could see from my face that i was,
flying (fucking) high.
and i don't think that i'll see her again,
but we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you.
but it's time to face the truth,
i will never be with you.

here without you

if there's one song that reminds me of the days in florida, it would be this song. whenever i listen to this, i will be transported back to tampa bay, the times i ran along the bay side, the smells, the sights, the feeling of missing home...

here without you
3 door down

a hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face
a thousand lies have made me colder
and I don't think I can look at this the same

but all the miles that separate
disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it's only you and me, yeah.

the miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello
i've heard this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go, oh, yeah, yeah

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, its only you and me

everything i know, and anywhere i go (oh whoa)
it gets hard but it won't take away my love (oh whoa)
and when the last one falls
when it's all said and done
it gets hard but it wont take away my love, whoa, oh, oh

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, it's only you and me

just give me a reason

i caught a glimpse of this clip in youtube last evening. the title clearly indicated it was a song by "pink" (that i know) and the picture showed a gay couple. i thought it was interesting, considering such open portrayal of gay men are not commonly seen in mtvs. naturally, i clicked on it and woohhh... what i saw made me uncomfortable enough to read the comments and do further research about the background of the clip. and yup, what i read confirmed my suspicion. 

this mtv showed clips of the show "from beginning to end", a controversial production that dealt with the themes of homosexual love and incest. admittedly, i felt a little uncomfortable when i saw it, but thinking about it, well, i supposed such things do happen. i mean, there are just all sorts of people in this world right? and on a very very superficial note, i thought the two actors in the mtv (show) are really cute and their chemistry was really good.

:-)

wooden heart

it's hard not to fall in love with this song, and of cos, the ever so cute elvis! certainly brought me back to my childhood.

:-)

"wooden heart (muss i denn)"

can't you see

i love you

please don't break my heart in two

that's not hard to do

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

and if you say goodbye

then i know that i would cry

maybe i would die

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

there's no strings upon this love of mine

it was always you from the start

treat me nice

treat me good

treat me like you really should

'cause i'm not made of wood

and i don't have a wooden heart

**

muss i denn, muss i denn

zum stadtele hinaus

stadtele hinaus

und du, mein schat, bleibst hier?

(repeat **)

there's no strings upon this love of mine

it was always you from the start

sei mir gut

sei mir gut

sei mir wie du wirklich sollst

wie du wirklich sollst

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

did some research and found this clip in youtube. apparently, the song was a german folk song and was shot to fame after elvis adapted it for his hit song "wooden heart". enjoy!

happy

this is a way belated post. but i was reminded of it when i saw it played at the shopping center earlier. and naturally, i started singing. such an uplifting song!

:-)

careless whispers

one of the most interesting comment in this youtube thread was: "the most seducing song ever for women, created by the gayest man in the universe..." heh.

this song brings me back to my junior college days back in the 80s - before george michael came out as gay. and listening to it now, it brings back lots of interesting memories. of cos, when i looked at the mtv, i can imagine the whole video being played out by 3 gay men! after all, such events where one gay person sleeping around with another who might be the friend of his lover is quite realistic. hmmm, or perhaps george michael was simply singing a song that reflected his life back then?

no?

well, this is just a random post. you can call it a space-filler post too. frankly, there have been lots and lots of little things happening to me, my health, my physical self, etc but i don't really have the mood to pen them down. also, i think anything related to work or mum are gonna sound a tat too repetitive and boring. and as for relationship, well, let's just say i am taking a back seat for the meantime.

...

i am what i am

this song reminded me of the days back in the late-90s/ early-2000s when i partied at venom with james and his friends on sunday nights. it was a hugely popular song amongst the gay community and belted out by the resident drag queens there frequently. and it was popular not just becos of the lyrics, but also becos gloria gaynor (the original singer) had such a husky transexual-sounding voice. and whenever the song comes on, everyone will break into this frenzied screams and on-the-spot jumps. yup, venom was so crowded we couldn't really dance but just jump like people in a trance... 

so listening to it again, i can almost picture the drag queens lip syncing to this song, complete with trembling lips.

haha!

i will survive

omg, such a gay anthem and i have not gotten it in my blog yet? what have i been thinking all these while!

:-)

eagle

after having the lyrics in my blog for the longest time ever, i realised i have not posted the youtube here yet. and yesterday, as i created a picture for my facebook background, i took a look at the lyrics again and it struck me that perhaps i have subconsciously been wanting to be free... free from all sorts of things...

well. what came to mind in my immediate circumstances is - perhaps i wanted to be free from my mum? yes? no? the answer is no, but i think somewhere in my head at some point of time, i do want to be completely free from her. for a short moment.

anyway, here's the complete lyrics to the song.

"eagle"

they came flying from far away, now i'm under their spell

i love hearing the stories that they tell

they've seen places beyond my land and they've found new horizons

they speak strangely but i understand

and i dream i'm an eagle

and i dream i can spread my wings

flying high, high, i'm a bird in the sky

i'm an eagle that rides on the breeze

high, high, what a feeling to fly

over mountains and forests and seas

and to go anywhere that i please

as all good friends we talk all night, and we fly wing to wing

i have questions and they know everything

there's no limit to what i feel, we climb higher and higher

am i dreaming or is it all real?

is it true i'm an eagle?

is it true i can spread my wings?

flying high, high, i'm a bird in the sky

(i'm an eagle)

i'm an eagle that rides on the breeze

high, high, what a feeling to fly

(what a feeling)

over mountains and forests and seas

and to go anywhere that i please

leader of the band

earlier this week, my department had a round of drinks to thank one of our colleague who would be leaving us end of the week. and as part of the celebrations, we also invited our ex-ceo. the dinner was held near our workplace and there was a live band. we thought it was appropriate to dedicate a song to our colleague. the song went relatively well and it brought the evening to a high. and we thought it was appropriate to also dedicate a song to our ex-ceo.

it was not easy to find an appropriate song but after some discussions, we chose "leader of the band" by dan fogelbert. i went up to the band and asked if we could have the "leader of the band". promptly, he replied "yes! i am the leader of the band!" and looked at me. almost innocently and wondering why in the world would i want to check if he was the leader of his band. "errrr, no no i mean, will you be able to perform the song "leader of the band"?" i asked again. there was a momentary blank stare before he replied "errm, what's that?". then he asked, "can you sing it instead?".

doh!

sentimental

i get sentimental during anniversaries and i have the tendency to think back about key moments of my life. perhaps that is why i was reminded of old songs. and talking about old songs, i was reminded of this...

all the images that rushed through my head when i listen to old songs such as this. people of the past, people who touched my life.

i am a sentimental person. 

a sentimental die hard.

bee gees

they never know how big they featured in many people's lives back then. and till today, many of their songs continue to bring so much warm to our hearts. was driving home from breakfast with mum yesterday and this song hit me out of no where. i did a quick google and decided to post a link to my facebook and within a few hours, it garnered many many likes from my friends. this post if i may add, will never do justice to all the good they brought to us years ago, and still do today.

and i dare say, the songs by many singers/ groups from back then gets better with years.

those were the golden years of music, from my perspective.

oldies are very much goldies.

:-)

listen

for reasons unknown, this song has been ringing in my head non-stop today.

:-)

listen
listen to the song here in my heart
a melody i start but can't complete
listen to the sound from deep within
it's only the beginning to find release

oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard
they will not be pushed aside and turned
into your own all 'cause you won't
listen

listen, i am alone at a crossroads
i'm not at home in my own home
and i've tried and tried to say what's on my mind
you should have known

oh, now i'm done believing you
you don't know what i'm feeling
i'm more than what you made of me
i followed the voice you gave to me
but now i've gotta find my own

you should have listened, there is someone here inside
someone i thought had died so long ago
oh, i'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard
they will not be pushed aside or turned
into your own all 'cause you won't
listen

listen, i am alone at a crossroads
i'm not at home in my own home
and i've tried and tried to say what's on mind
you should have known

oh, now i'm done believing you
you don't know what i'm feeling
i'm more than what you made of me
i followed the voice you gave to me
but now i've gotta find my own

i don't know where i belong
but i'll be moving on
if you don't, if you won't

listen to the song here in my heart
a melody i start but i will complete

oh, now i'm done believing you
you don't know what I'm feeling
i'm more than what you made of me
i followed the voice you think you gave to me
but now i've gotta find my own, my own

of monsters & men

haha! thanks to soul, i got to know this song. it's really very catchy. and there's this special feel about it. the way it was produced, the song, the mixing, the way everything was assembled. i cannot describe. that kinda semi-fairy tale land, semi-real yet dreamlike kinda feel to it. whatever, it is just very catchy and nice. 

thanks soul!

:-)

lyrics

hey! hey! hey!

i don't like walking around this old and empty house
so hold my hand, i'll walk with you my dear

the stairs creak as i sleep, it's keeping me awake
it's the house telling you to close your eyes

some days i can't even dress myself
it's killing me to see you this way

'cause though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

hey! hey! hey!

there's an old voice in my head, that's holding me back
well tell her that i miss our little talks

soon it will all be over, buried with our past
we used to play outside when we were young and full of life and full of love

some days i feel like i'm wrong when i am right
your mind is playing tricks on you my dear

'cause though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

hey! don't listen to a word i say
hey! the screams all sound the same
hey!

though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

you're gone, gone, gone away, i watched you disappear
all that's left is a ghost of you. now we're torn, torn, torn apart
there's nothing we can do, just let me go, we'll meet again soon

now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around, i'll see you when i fall asleep

hey! don't listen to a word i say
hey! the screams all sound the same
hey!

though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

hey! don't listen to a word i say
hey! the screams all sound the same
hey!

though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore (x2)

heartbreak heartaches

this is one of the few songs that i enjoyed during my childhood days. i heard it earlier when i was in shop & save and it prompted me to post this song in this blog. when i heard this song long time ago as a young boy, i thought it was so romantic and that the girl was such a poor thing to be subjected to such treatments by the boyfriend. but these days, when i listen to the lyrics, i was like... errr... hey bitch, get a life, that guy doesn't deserve you! move on girl! no one owes you a living and no one owes you your self-love and dignity, so... get a life and move on. anyway, as i heard this song earlier, it kinda resonated with me becos this period seemed to be a "break-up" period amongst many of my friends. and naturally, i became the aunt agony for a few of them. it's not easy to hear them wallow and go on and on about their issues, etc. but having had gone through a break-up myself, i could understand their tensions. so, i told myself that the least i could do for them was to give them a listening ear. and there were quite a few sms exchanges and thoughts that i felt was rather interesting...

• it was the birthday of one of my friend's partner of 15 years and i smsed him "happy birthday". he told me he was at a spa, alone. i replied and wished him a happy and enjoyable dinner. and his reply came very quickly and it went: "oh, if you are still not aware, so-and-so and i are no longer together". hmmm, i had seen it coming but still, when this news broke, it didn't feel good. i replied: "well, you are still my friend." and he smiled back. i hate it when friends take sides when their common couple-friend break-up, or worse still, they themselves decide to draw lines amongst their friends like as though their friends are objects that can be shared.

• another friend of mine dumped his 8-year partner a couple of months back as his partner was having (many) affairs outside their relationship. and interestingly, he also knows his ex's current bf. but he is on ok terms with him and could only give them his blessings. he shared this with me recently that his ex posted a picture in his fb page declaring how he would not cheat on his current bf... certainly, he did not feel good. the feeling was one of betrayal, jealousy, forlorn, yearn, anger, all mixed together. worst still, he also knew very sure that his ex is not a person who will not be able to live up to his declaration of not cheating...

• another friend of mine told me a while back he had been dumped. and of cos it hit him from out of nowhere. but well, he didn't take it too well and had been very affected by the whole episode. of cos, i became the de facto aunt agony (again). and i got smses from him telling me about his thoughts rather frequently. it was interesting cos all his smses reminded me of myself and how i went through my several break-ups up till james. end of the day, i reflected and thought what my first ex did to me was the most effective in the long run... he gave me the cold turkey treatment. he did not contact me until 3 years later. by that time, i had recovered. in cold turkey treatments, either the "dumper" gives the cold turkey treatment to the "dumpee" or the "dumpee" make the resolve to block the "dumper" and subject himself to the cold turkey treatment. whatever the scenario, it will not be easy for the "dumpee"... but having experienced it before, i can say with full confidence that this is the most effective and in the long run, most humane way to get a person to move on.

ok, enough of rantings about heartbreaks. it is always interesting and painful to experience and/ or to see friends going through breakups. it is easy for me to say what i said above when i am objective and clear. but certainly, when one is in the thick of the emotional swings... i can only empathize. listen and provide a shoulder to cry on. i wish all my friends and anyone going through such difficult patches the strength to move along and to move on. i always tell them this... move on, when one truly loves a person, let go. for the ability to love another person and to let another person go is a true reflection of one's self-love, confidence and worth.

:-)

glowing old

yup, glowing old and not growing old...

i have always been advocating growing old graciously. cos i believe that youth, external beauty and all things associated is impermanent. that is the law of nature. everything and everyone will grow old with time. there is no escape. but i strongly believe that we can grow old graciously. and when we do so, we will naturally glow with age! and i reiterate here again after coming face-to-face with a few rather disturbing experiences recently.

firstly, i have a friend who is petrified of getting and looking old. never never ever mention the "o" word to this friend of mine. and no, it is not "orgasm". i would be very happy if it was orgasm... but that is besides the point. the "o" word to this friend is "old". and probably to this person, it signifies weakness, loneliness, whatever... and so, to not look her age (ya, i am not even saying, looking like a teenager), this friend would go for botox treatment every few months. need to keep the young look, she maintained. and i was thinking... hmmm, if at 30, i want to continue to look 30, i go for botox and manage to do so... and at 35, i still want to look 30, and at 40, i still want to look 30... imagine the impossibility of such desires. what's most important is to look healthy! no?

and talking about looking healthy, this friend of mine, and many other gay friends too, have been trying hard to look thin. and thankfully, they have not gone to the point to want to look pencil thin. but really, i personally think older people should focus on looking and staying healthy rather than thin and/ or losing weight. the thing with the human body is that as we get on with age, our body will shrink (in part due to loss of muscle mass). and when this happen, we will begin to look a little saggy. after all, our size is like our clothes. once we lose our mass, it becomes oversize. and so, if we still force ourselves to be as thin as we can, we will end up looking very "saggy" and haggard. but on the other hand, if we focus on being healthy and not be too bothered about the little bits of padding all round, we can glow like santa claus. and i seriously think nature has bestowed this on us cos as we grow older, we naturally will look a little fatter cos our metabolic rate will drop. no? haha... also, think of this, ever see a healthy dried prune? yup, you should get the point.

and lastly, i wanna write about someone i know. he was (and still is) a reasonably handsome person. straight, and very successful in his career. he is in the airline industry and used to have a to-die-for happy family that was the envy of many people. but alas, due to his expressed desire to stay young and want to be forever young, he end up exchanging his family for his desires. his family is now broken. he had divorced his wife. his children have been placed under his wife's custody and they moved out of his house a couple of years ago. i can only suspect it was a direct result of his desire to maintain and prove his virility and youth for he has always shared that he is afraid of growing old. and even while he was married, he continued to led a carefree lifestyle with young women and engaging in dangerous sports. he is now pushing 50 (or perhaps already in his 50s), and still live a lifestyle of a swinging bachelor. he has a girlfriend, goes around public places wearing a straw hat, loose singlet and berms. and he strums his guitar and sings old songs too. he reminds me of a hippy in the swinging 70s. i saw him recently and he told me he is having a bad bout of flu, yet he planned to head off to thailand to wind-surf and to have fun. and in his own words "if i don't play now, i will not be able to play once i get old"...

while i celebrate their strong conviction to youth and the efforts, i also feel a little tinge of sadness for them. it seemed like they have allowed their desires to stay and look young consume them without them realizing it. desires... sighs... i can only wish them peace of mind when the time comes for them to reconcile the fact that they need to eat sleep shit their age. in short, live their age.

ok, enough of the rantings... i need to go do up my face now...

hmmm... where's my sk ii mask?

lol!

ps: have posted the song titled "forever young" by alphaville above. it was a superbly popular song in the '80s and was banned in some countries. accordingly, some people were reported to have committed suicide after getting so hooked onto this song and didn't want to grow old... 

come on, he's gay!

sighs... halfway through, i was telling myself, come on woman, stop slutting in front of this guy! he's so gay... some woman (like this one) can be just so duh!

haha!