parkway experiences

the following were interesting things that we experienced in parkway parade over the past couple of days...

- people who spit from upper floors (kids in particular who thought it was fun).

- people who throw away 1 cent coin from upper floors.

- ladies who wear mini skirts and choose to stand beside the upper floor railings... hmmm, not a good idea.

- men who stand and stare down into woman's blouses from upstairs.

- bitchy management personnel who complain of all sorts of things.

interesting customers

'had been helping bee sell mooncakes at parkway parade and have come across lots of interesting people who behaved in the most bizarre manners and/ or asked questions that are outright `duh' or damned difficult to answer!!! let me share some of these here...

(customer took a look at the mooncakes) is your mooncake nice? (of cos la... as a sales person, who'd ever answer their things are not nice...)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) hmmm, yes, it's very nice, very nice indeed... let me think about it... (customer walked one round, came back) just now i tasted your mooncake, after a while, i think it is not very nice. it seemed to have a little bitter aftertaste. why huh? (errr...) but never mind, give me one box... (hmmm...)

(customer took a look at the mooncakes and the pricings) hmmm, yes, this brand is from hong kong and it is very nice. you guys imported it huh? good good... but how come it is more expensive here than in hong kong? (errr... mooncake needs to take aeroplane. must buy aeroplane tickets wor...)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hmmm... looks around... (we went up and greeted her and asked if she needed assistance) no, no, no, i know this is from hong kong. i have worked a long time in hong kong! so i know these products much better than you! (she said, half shouting, and she walked off...) (!!!)

(customer took at look at the mooncakes and the cookies) hi m'am, these are from hong kong (customer stared at us, rolled her eyes, gave us the "tai-tai-huh!!!" look and walked away) (!!!)

(customer, after sampling a mooncake) good good, give me a box of white lotus single yolk (showed her the box and the content) oh, good thanks (packed the box of mooncake and asked for payment) huh?!?!? i don't want!!! i don't want already!!!...(woman walked off hurriedly) (errr... bee said the customer was probably schizophrenic)

interesting ya? heh heh... then again, as sales staff, we just smiled, thanked the customers, and wished them a good day... i strongly believe that as customers, much as we demand service, we also need to recognise that when service staff tries their best, we should at least accord some form of respect and courtesy to them. a smile or a thank you would be a very good start.

...

ah lians ah bengs

have been selling mooncakes at parkway parade over the last week plus. and it was certainly a very good experience. i had opportunities to interact with the staff from the neighbouring stalls during moments when sales were slow. these are short term contract workers who have been roped in to sell mooncakes.

by speaking to them, it was clear that they are unlikely to move up the social ladder. they belong almost certainly to the very heartlander class of the singaporean society and they are often lesser educated, not too well-off and of course, are predominantly dialect speakers - hokkien to be specific. and they really believe that they only have to work very very very hard to succeed in life. and their definition of success is often narrowly defined as "getting rich". yet, due to their limitations (in education, and so on), get caught in the working class layer of the society. well, i am stating this not from a derogatory angle. rather, i am stating this in the most matter-of-fact manner.

then again, the few things that i really enjoyed interacting with them was the fact that they are very real, and very down-to-earth. they say what they want to say. they laughed. they joked. they smiled. very straightforward. very unpretentious and very sincere. and at times, it seemed like we are all the underdogs of the society. hmmm... whether it is real or not, i am not sure, but certainly, i can say they have excellent work ethics and exhibit a own set of values that we do not often see amongst people of the `upper-class' (hmm... sounds rather atas here). camaraderie, discipline, hard-working... just to name a few.

reflecting, when they were young, they were mostly the people that we brand as ah lians and ah bengs in singapore. and of cos, very often, we (myself included admittedly) do not want to associate ourselves with them for doing so would be kinda embarrassing as they were considered uncouthed, loud, and often of bad background. they are now in their mid-thirties or older. and as they are lesser educated and not computer-literate, they avoid the computer (and the internet). and in doing so, missed out on the information and knowledge age and this contribute to the further alienation from the society... and of cos, they continue to spiral downwards in the society. but from my observations, a few things i could say for sure - they are damned hardworking, damned bloody conscientious in their work, and have damned bloody excellent good work attitude. they worked hard minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, just to get that meagre pay (for some as little as $5 an hour) to sustain their family. and i give them my respect.

frankly, interacting with them reminds me of my own parents generation and the good old kampong days. it was those similar work ethics that managed to provide me and my siblings through our education and our lives. this feeling made me feel kinda warm and kinda close to them. and i wish them well and that their children would benefit from their hardwork as i did my parents.

:-)

blood pressure

went for my routine health check today. blood pressure is a little high. been asked to keep track of my blood pressure on a regular basis and to go back again for a follow-up check in 8 weeks time.

otherwise, everything else seemed pretty fine.

:-)

meditation class

today, i started my meditation class with schneider. bee was busy with the mooncake selling and couldn't attend. and i really found the class very good. never ever had a buddhist shi fu (venerable) ever been so smooth in her delivery before. the nun was also able to make everyone comfortable and relaxed. it didn't matter if we did not have any experience in meditation for she started from the basics. we were taught about correct breathing techniques and sitting postures.

and for our homework, she asked us to do two things - talk less, and don't rush. simple things to make us more aware of ourselves (mindfulness) and in doing so, calm our minds.

i thought she was very good!

one summer night

omg!!! i actually found this song in youtube! it's one of my earliest favourite pop song that was hugely popular during my childhood days! been looking for the album for many years...

:-)

first step

have made my first step in my job search this morning.

managed to brushed up my resume and have sent it out for a job opening. really, not expecting anything out of this, but i thought it was a very good first step to have my resume done!

:-)

selling mooncakes

have been helping out bee in selling mooncakes at the parkway parade shopping center over the past few days... erm, ok, ok not really selling but rather, in placking, unpacking, accounting, displaying and so on. but whenever the opportunity allowed, i'd try doing some promoting. but being unfamiliar with the product, i could only do as much as smile and give a brief superficial introduction.

today, and given that bee was at work, i decided to drop by to reinforce james. and i must say there were really lots of opportunities given that the evening crowd was quite good. i decided to try doing the selling proper and went about memorizing the products. before i knew it, a guy came along. after some introduction, i was able to sense his interest in buying. but as he could not decide on which flavour to take, i recommended the premium assortment pack to him. frankly, i was trying my luck as the assortment pack was not really moving very fast today. and what do you know! he actually took my recommendation and asked for 2 boxes on the spot!

heh heh, my first sale! it certainly felt good.

well, i am having fun at the moment. not too sure if this is gonna be something i want to do in the longer term. but of cos, to help out is something that i think i can do. for now.

:-)

双人相梦

have been looking for this song 双人相梦 by 年少之岛 (方炯镔&黄启铭) for the longest time ever. over the last weekend, as i was talking about it casually while on our way to melaka, damien was able to identify the name of the group and finally found the song in the internet!

so happy!

:-)

melaka again

made another trip to melaka over the hari raya puasa aidil fitri holiday with schneider and damien. nothing fanciful, just to chill off and to take a break from singapore. and i must say my melaka trip this time round revolved around eating and shopping. nothing much. but i enjoyed it. the company was good. and we were all very relax.

frankly, when we started off thinking of going for a holiday, we toyed around with locations such as hong kong, taiwan, etc. but given the need to syncrhonize our schedules and manage our budget, we ended up with melaka (again!). then again, it seemed a natural choice as we all liked melaka quite a bit.

melaka is a very nice place. not too fast, not too slow... and apart from the cheaper ringgit, the proximity to singapore is certainly a very good plus factor. of cos, there are disadvantages of heading to somewhere close like melaka. for example, one cannot really get out of the `òut of singapore' mentality. for that matter, when in melaka, my `guesstimate' was that more than half of the guests in the hotel was singaporeans! and i even met my coursemates, and ex-student there!

really, if given a choice, i'd prefer to go somewhere far, somewhere cold, somewhere where i cannot be recognized. and where i can just totally totally blank off and be myself, or for that matter, be naughty! and better still, head off for a holiday alone. this way, there will be no pressure to conform, no pressure to consult your travel partner (where to eat, where to go, when to go, what to do and so on). and certainly when alone, i can choose to go anywhere i want - explore by myself, experience things without feeling constraint. having said this, i am also sure i will miss having people around me. having people to look out for me. having people to fuss about. heh heh. i sound so contradicting. well... i must be tired.

anyway, such places are hard to come by when one does not want to spend too much.

:-)

empty thoughts

i've been rather lazy in my blogging lately. it's so un-me to be like that... well, at least, un-me as compared to last year. anyway, i have been rather busy lately. and of cos, i was busy in a rather nice way - meeting up with friends for dinners and heading off for holiday over the hari raya weekend...

talking about dinners with friends, i had dinner with tai last week. it was a dinner that had been postponed since a couple of weeks back. it was also our first time meeting up. and well, i must say, it was a very good meeting. have not really sat down and speak with someone (anyone for that matter) for a long time. and it certainly made me feel good. it made me feel alive.

being with people, talking to people, interacting with people... they all have this beautiful effect of making one feel alive and connected. well, at least for me for i am usually a rather quiet person who'd rather keep to myself. not that it is not good. but when one keeps to himself too long and too often, he goes into this state where he begins to live in his own world. and he becomes somewhat like a zombie. all things comes to a stand still. and that is not good at all. so... before i become a zombie, i better start to re-connect myself into the society!

:-)

feelings

feelings... nothing more than feelings... nice song, even nicer ad.

haha!

1.5 months

i am now 1.5 months into my post-service life. given my savings and my retirement benefits, i reckon i should be able to sustain for about a year and a half. but as it stands, i am beginning to feel bored. perhaps it is a good time to look back and review what i have done and where i am heading. there are 3 key things that i think i need to relook as i progress. these are, in no order of priority, my personal life, my family and my career. 

 
when i first left service, i had told myself that for my personal life, i would dedicate the immediate few months to myself to rest, to consolidate and to catch up with friends. in terms of my family, i had also made the commitment to spent more time with my mum before i start looking for a job. as for my next career, i had decided not to pressure myself and to only look for a job say in end of the year. this was also in view of the economic uncertainly and the not-too-rosy employment market out there. 

 
so, where am i now? hmmm, let's take a look. 

 
my personal life - in these last few weeks, i have made quite a fair bit of efforts in myself and my friends. i have made some good progress in consolidating my stuff - investments, insurance etc. for myself, i made some good progress in my journey as a buddhist by taking refuge, reviewing my health, check-ups, etc. as for key commitments in terms of time and cash, these include committing to a chiropratic treatment plan, getting a new extra-firm mattress and getting a new laptop. i see such purchases as investments. these are necessities. chiropractic for my 10-yr back and neck problems, laptop for my job-hunting and to replace my 5 year desktop pc, mattress to stabilize my weak back and to replace my last one that had served me well for the past 10 years. i had also considered travelling. give myself a good overseas break to recharge. may be head to states, or to europe, simply to indulge in life's luxuries. hmmm... have not really done all these other than a very short trip to melaka with lk. that's me perhaps, really want to enjoy but when i see the costs involved, i pulled back. heh... 

 
as for family life, i had also consciously made time for my mum and of cos, my dog, sapphie. and this perhaps was one of the best thing that i have done and will continue to do to my best abilities. as for bee, he has been busy with work and studies. no easy solution to this and thus, i think i will leave it as status quo. 

 
in terms of my career, i have not put sufficient thoughts in terms of recharting my future career. not that i can't, but i certainly did not plan to do so. as i mentioned, i wanted to give myself time to rest, recharge and consolidate. but frankly, after 1.5 months, i am beginning to worry if my time-off will make me lose my desire to want to work. and this is making me question the wisdom on wanting to rest, recuperate, consolidate for the `next couple of months'. perhaps i should start to review this aspect and to relook at my timeline for job-hunting. i need to think about it more and do something about it.
...

mooncake 09

mooncake festival is coming again. last year, i did not celebrate nor observe the festival due to my dad's demise. as such, the annual practise of giving mooncakes to relatives was not done. this year, i'll be doing so again. need to start working out the list all over again... mum, sister, bees' family, james, james' parents, james' sister, la la la...

:-)

afternote: agreed with my friends' advice and did not buy the mooncake for james and his family afterall.

my cousin

had dinner with my cousin and bee on friday. it was really a very good dinner. as he is also gay, there was really no bars hold for us as we shared about out lives, our relationships, etc...

really looking forward to seeing him again soon!

accident

was driving out of my side road last evening and as i turned onto the main road, i saw things flying ahead over a car just after the traffic light... couldn't really figure out what flew except that there were 2 huge things and that one looked like a red bag. i had a feeling it was not something good.

as i straightened my car, i noted that quite a few car switching to the left lanes hastily (the slower lanes)... and as i drove on further, i saw a car stopped just after the traffic light at the outermost lane. some 3-4 meters ahead was a body. it was a male. and he was slumped against the road kerb, beside him was a red knapsack. he looked terribly pale and was motionless. and it seemed like his face had smashed onto the road kerb. ahead of this person was another car. within that couple of milliseconds, someone got of out this car and walked towards the body. he looked worried.

as i drove past the bus stop, i saw the 4-5 people staring at the accident. a short distance ahead, it was the same for the 2 residents and security guards of changi court condo. it seemed like everyone had stopped moving and was focusing their attention towards the accident.

and as i drove past this second car, i turned my head back. the car bonnet had been dented inwards. it looked very bad. for that split second, i wanted to stop and help. yet, something told me i should just drive on. looking at things, i knew it would be terribly bad and that i had better leave this to professionals. instinctively, i reached out for my handphone and dialed the police hotline. 999. told them what i saw. my hands were trembling by then. after reporting the accident, i proceeded to town.

from what i saw, my conclusion was that the man, carrying a knapsack, had wanted to cross the road. he was barely a couple of meters from the traffic light and had noticed the flashing green man turned red. he attempted to dash across the road and as he did so, the traffic light turned green. the driver of first car at the traffic light, who probably did not notice this man, stepped onto his accelerator hard. the car hit the man. the impact threw the man and his knapsack over the car. the car screeched to a stop. by which time, the man had landed onto the kerb face down.

today, bee told me that the accident was reported in the chinese papers. the person, a 38 year old man from bukit batok, had died on the spot. for some reasons, he visited changi area. he left behind a cambodian wife and a 1-month old son.

sad.

sighs... life is fragile.

new laptop

purchased a new laptop today! it's an asus. first time i am using an asus and so far, i am rather happy about it!

:-)

mattress

decided to purchase a mattress earlier on. got a super firm one. one that is tops in providing a person with good back support. i thought i should give myself this little treat. come to think of it, we spend roughly one third of our 24-hr day in bed, yet we often do not give that kinda priority in terms of budgeting our spending when it comes to purchasing beds. just compare to the amount of monies we spent on our car yet spend only that small amount of time per day in the car. well you get the idea... anyway, the mattress i bought cost close to 2.5k. but after all the sale discounts, member privileges (additional discounts) la la la, i only need to pay 1.2K. i thought it was a good buy! so looking forward to its delivery this coming tuesday!

:-)

haruki murakami

started reading books by haruki murakami last week and found it a very pleasant read. the first book i read was "what i talk about when i talk about running". certainly could connect with lots of things he wrote. and it left me smiling many a times. and today, i started a second book by him called "after dark". very smooth reading and very engaging. so glad to be able to find a writer that i like. will be checking out more of his books! this is a complete review of the books he wrote.

:-)

unruly man

i learned something new about myself today. and i felt very good about it. i felt very powerful. i was able to control myself. you see, i met with the most unruly person and got punched by him. by his actions, i could have reported him to the police. but in the end, i decided to let him go. i decided to forgive and forget. and i came out of the episode feeling very happy. anyway, this was wat happened.

you see, i would bring my dog sapphie to the business park to walk almost on a daily basis. given that the path to the park and the park itself was rather deserted, i would usually let her run around without her leash. and i have been doing this for the longest i could remember and have never had any issues with anyone. for that matter, anyone who sees sapphie would somehow come and play with her instead. she is just so mild-tempered. anyway, linking this business park to my condo is a canal. and along the side of the canal is a small walkway. today, as i walked sapphie home, i saw this particular person walking towards me. he had his dog with him. at that time, sapphie was happily sniffing the grass by the side of the walkway. seeing sapphie unleashed, he stopped and pointed his fingers at me. sensing his apprehension about an unleashed dog, i immediately gave him an apology gesture and commanded sapphie to stay still. i then went up to her and leashed her. all these while, the man and his dog were some 20-30m away.

after leashing sapphie up, i proceeded to walk towards my condo (in the direction of the man and his dog). and to prevent sapphie from going to sniff the man's dog, i walked close to the canal barrier with sapphie between me and the barrier. i hugged close to the canal leaving the huge grass patch beside for the man and his dog to walk. as he neared me, instead of walking on the grass patch, he let his dog dashed between sapphie and i. next thing i knew, he leaned onto me. there was no where for me to move and i was pushed onto sapphie and against the canal barrier. within a split second, his dog pounced onto sapphie. at the same time, the man raised his arm, pressed his elbow onto my back, pushed me down and punched my back with his clenched fist. my immediate instinct was to hold onto the dog's leash to prevent him from hurting sapphie. but as the man had pushed me down, his dog's leash that i was holding tightened and the i felt his dog bite my hand. i had experienced something similar with sapphie biting my hand when she was a puppy and i immediately clenched my fist tight. this prevented the jaws from closing further. i was in a very precarious position - trying desperately not to pull the dog's leash too tight in case i strangle him yet exerting enough strength to resist a nasty bite and at the same time, trying to resist the burly sized owner's body from pushing me down.

it all happened very suddenly. instinctively, i pushed myself upwards, turned around and shouted at him. i managed to push the man off and as he fell back, i let go of his dog's leash. i demanded a reason as to why he punched me. he was really unruly. he turned around and started hurling all sorts of accusations at how i had threatened to attack his dog. and how he has responded in his dog's defense... i was so really fucking pissed off with him by then. despite being the aggressor, he had turned around and accused me. and i totally dislike people who do not admit their mistakes and twist their facts despite being the aggressor and in the wrong. my anger rose and we got into a very heated argument. he continued hurling his accusations...

after some 10-15mins, he finally admitted that he was in the wrong. i was able to objectively rebut every of his accusations. there was really no way he could over-argue me. i had been totally above board and clear in my mind about what i had done and what he could have done. and i guessed apart from my ability to point out the flaws in his arguments, the fact that my hand was also bleeding from his dog's bite also threw him off. he admitted he should not have done what he did. and that he had lost control of himself cos he had had a lousy weekend trying to train his dog.

after his apology, i continued giving him a lecture and asked him to think through all the wrongs and all the hostile things he did. at that time, i really needed to vent. i needed to release all the pent up frustrations and anger. apart from being pissed off with his unreasonable aggressiveness, i was also totally pissed off with his punch. never in my life was i ever hit by a person other than my mum. my half-scolding, half-lecturing rantings went on for a further 5-10 minutes or so.... and unknowingly, as i vented, i found my inner-self quietening down. in fact, as i vented, a voice in me was also telling me i need to find a way to exit this whole episode. gradually, my venting began to sound like a mak nenek (grandma) giving a small boy a long lecture... i ended by telling him i did not intend to make a police report but would like him to reflect on what he did. i thought it would have been more effective as a lesson for him.

at the end of the whole episode, i told him how much i had wanted and hoped to be able to know friends who are dog owners around the area and with whom sapphie could learn social skills. and that the experience today was certainly a highly negative one. by that time, i noted that he had also quietened down. he apologized again. i ended the whole session by wishing him a good walk with his dog...

yes, it might sound weird the way i ended this very hostile episode. but whatever it was, i certainly felt very good. very good for that fact that i was able to control myself and the situation. frankly, this was the first time in my life that i had physically got myself embroiled in a fight. one on one. for the longest time, i had known myself to be the type that would keep quiet when things go wrong and would explode violently when i hit my threshold. and when i blow, it could be really ugly. such eruptions of anger scare me. but today, i was in control. i chose to end the situation in a very controlled manner. and i walked out of the situation feeling very very good.

:-)

blood clots again

it's been a week since i had blood clots in my urine. and yet today, i have the same clots appearing... and the symptoms were the same. two-three days of very achy back before it appears. i think i really have to make the appointment to see the urologist again...

:-(

you raised me up

i blogged about my mum having been diagnosed with mild dementia some 4 months back. and recently she had had her total knee replacement re-done. it's been 2 weeks. and i have been corresponding with her on the phone almost daily as i was down with a flu. and through our phone calls, i sensed her dementia had worsened. you see, a couple of days back when i called her, she spoke to me in malay instead of the usual hokkien. and her speech slurred and occasionally she did not respond... i knew she had gone into a world of her own when that happened. yesterday, i felt my flu had cleared sufficiently for me to visit her. while i was not surprised, i was not really prepared to see and experience the magnitude to which her dementia had worsened.

when i arrived, she was seated on her wheelchair and her body was slumped forward. she was staring at the floor. and when i looked at her eyes, they were totally lifeless. the white of her eyes looked porcelain white and her pupils look glassy black. and they were both slightly damp. i called out to her and she looked up. yet her eyes did not seem to register my presence. despite looking at my direction, they looked like they were looking through me instead.

sighs...

pulling myself together, i spent the next 3 hours talking to her. i told myself i need to keep her mind active. and through the 3 hours, her memory swung to and fro between her youth to the current reality constantly. at one time, i was talking to my 77 year old mother and how her leg was hurting after the operation, and she would ask me to tell bee that he need to visit her, la la la. and then suddenly, she was a young girl ("is my mother home?" she asked); or as a young mother talking to me her teenage son ("how come you are not in school?")... and once a while, she'd totally forget about things ("who is su how?"). and our conversation would also be punctuated with her slipping into herself. when this occurred, she would just stare blankly into the air and i would end up talking to someone who was no longer around. yet, throughout the time, i had to constantly sound cheerful and engaged her at the level that would keep her going... actually, it was more like i was asking her a lot of questions and often, i had to answer the questions myself. i reminded her of her life, i got her to tell me about her past. and as we conversed, i massaged her bloated-up legs that had continued to pain her ("i don't understand, yesterday, my leg was fine, and today it is all bloated up and painful!"). and as we spoke, she teared non-stop as she could no longer control her tear ducts. once a while, she would try to wipe her tears but she could hardly hold on to the tissues. it was clear that she was also losing her ability to control her muscles.

the conversation was light and easy. yet, i felt a certain wave of emotions as i grappled with the thought that i was losing my mum as i spoke. that saddened me. a few times, i had to consciously hold back my tears from welling-up. frankly, i never know i was able to control my tear duct that well. but i had to. i could not possibly tear in front of her. after having heard about bee's grandma, i roughly knew what to expect. for now, mum could still sit in her wheelchair. but soon enough, she would be bed-ridden. the frequency where she would slip into herself would increase. and eventually, she would go into a state where she would totally be in a state of her own. that would be when we would lose her totally despite her being alive and well. and she would continue to be in that state until life expires on her.

i have time and again heard stories about how dementia sets in for some people not long after their spouse dies. and it tells me of the will-power that kept them going to look after their spouse in their final days. and when they go after their spouse dies, it was probably becos they see no more purpose and aim in their live. now, i see it happening to my own mum. i am sad. but as jason had mentioned before, they are not in pain per se, they are just in another state of consciousness altogether. the challenge therefore, is for me now to remind myself that i have to let her go. it is me that i have to manage. it is my own sense of attachment to her old self that is making me sad. instead, i should treasure this remaining moments with her and also to celebrate that fact that she has lived a good life. that she is ready to enter into this state should be taken as a sign that she has total faith in her childrens' ability to continue living our lives. with this in mind, i should make sure that her onward journey continues to be smooth and comfortable and that i must give her the confidence that we will go on. reflecting on how mum brought me up and how she had placed me in leadership roles in the family in my dads' absence, i guess i now have to also prepare my family and the domestic helper mentally as her condition deteriorates.

thinking of the days to come, i could only use the hokkien phrase the best sums it up: "li chi wa tua, wa chi li lao" or literally "you have raised me up, i'll take care of you till you die".