this is interesting... green is pink afterall... read that green will be coming out soon! and oooo, i like him... although i still complain that in the movie, his crotch is too small...
:-)
Thursday, 31 May 2012
the pink lantern
this is interesting... green is pink afterall... read that green will be coming out soon! and oooo, i like him... although i still complain that in the movie, his crotch is too small...
:-)
first word
of the two words the computer prompts, you just need to key in one word (usually the first word only) and the computer will still clear your human identity! and if the first word is a picture, then you just need to key in the second word... and oh, there is no requirement to be conscious of whether it is caps or not.
go try it... saves a lot of time!
:-)
sad to belong
i am sitting at a coffee shop drinking my kopi-o and refusing to head to office... and for whatever reasons, i am reminded of this song...
...
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
performance appraisal
met up with my boss for my performance appraisal yesterday. given a "b" grade. didn't feel good at all... considering all the things i had done and the systems that i had set-up for the group over the past year...
hmmm... frankly, i would just like to throw my letter and move on. let me bide my time, search for possible opportunities, get my bonus before i throw my letter. don't really like the idea of me being used and abused time and again and not given the recognition during performance appraisals...
wtf...
picture from http://asyoublogit.blogspot.com/2009/11/brief-preview-of-quarterly-review.html
old friends 2
been an interesting period for me... welcomed and met up with germs last couple of days (will be meeting him again tomorrow), sent off an old friend last night (early this morning), and will be receiving another old old friend and his family (who will be back from the states) this thurs!
pant pant pant...
:-)
pant pant pant...
:-)
Monday, 28 May 2012
old friend
i met up with an old friend 2 days ago. he told me he would be going to the states to work for 2 years and will be leaving this evening...
hmmm... somehow, even though we hardly meet, i still feel a sense of lost when he told me about it. the thing about such old and close friends is that we tend to take each other for granted, not meet up, assume each other is good and well and would keep each other info when something goes wrong... no different from the usual "no news is good news" kinda thing...
well, you see, i got to know this friend of mine in 1991 when he was doing his national service and we got along very well. and it was that time that his dad passed away and i had helped him through that difficult period. we became best of friends. he eventually took up a training award with the military and went on to do his undergrad studies. that was when he met his girlfriend (now wife).
he is now a very senior person in service and both his daugthers address me as "uncle daddy". so sweet right. anyway, we kept in touch through the years, and despite the fact that we hardly meet, i would make it a point to do my dues as a "godfather". i would buy them lanterns and mooncakes during mid-autumn festivals, they would visit me during chinese new years, and i would give the kids ang pows... well, i suppose my status as godfather gives me the right to give ang pows to my goddaughters ya? haha...
anyway, he would be going over for 2 years. managed to catch up over a quick coffee in town. spoke like as though we've never been apart... like relatives coming together. yak yak yak we went... families, daughters, wife, mothers, families... the kinda topics any uncles in the late-30s and 40s would be talking about. he was kinda surprised (yet not surprised) when i told him i thought of becoming a monk... each for his own, each with his own life... he commented... and all too soon, we parted. will be sending them off this evening. gonna miss them...
sighs...
Saturday, 26 May 2012
aunt agony
for some unknown reasons, i always become the aunt agony of people around me. i even have my staff coming to me to tell me things about them that they do not normally tell people. but they would share it with me in-confidence. i felt honoured that they trust me with their secrets. yet, at times, i do wonder if i feel pressured subconsciously. people will tell me things like - my son is actually fostered and not really mine, i had problems with childbirth, etc...
i supposed it is partly becos i have the very unthreatening look (or do i! haha), or perhaps i give people the feel of confidence, or perhaps people feel comfortable with me, or when they know that i was previously a religious teacher... hmmm... whatever it is, whenever people come to share their secrets or their troubles with me, i will always try to counsel them or to help them see things from another perspective... that is perhaps the least i can do to repay them for their trust in me.
:-)
zzzzzz :-)
t'was a sleepy day for me. had quite a bad rash after getting scratched by sapphie and took 2 tabs of anti-histamines. slept the whole morning after breakfast. woke up about 2pm. then went to the beach with mum and sapphie. sapphie went for a swim while mum had her chicken curry and french loaf... came home late afternoon... managed to escape the rain. then slept again after giving sapphie a bath. woke up early evening. brought mum out for dinner at suntec and did some shopping. now back home.
gonna sleep again...
what a day...
yawns...
ocs songs
the following are a couple of songs that we, as a platoon, would sing out really loud when we march... and i heard someone humming a tune similar to one of the songs and decided to do a search in the internet...
such memories!
nice!
by the light of the silvery moon
moonlight bay
hurry home
pearly shells
Friday, 25 May 2012
presbyopia
my eyesight has deteriorated so much over the last 1 month that now i can hardly read the text in my bb unless i hold it at arms length, or put on my reading glasses...
it's scary how quickly it happened...
it's scary how quickly it happened...
Monday, 21 May 2012
of stiffness & softness
i was chatting with aiden last evening and came to the topic of age vs stiffness / softness... and i shared about how as one ages, one tend to get stiff at places that he doesn't want stiff, and soft at places he doesn't want soft. true right? heh heh...
and hey, just in case your mind starts running while, i was talking about my stiff back! and since we are talking about softness, for me, i have yet experience it! still as ever-ready! haha! but sighs... for some unknown reasons, my back just went into spasms last afternoon. and hor, everybody who saw me today at work gave me that "hmmm, you must have had a wild time" look. one even came up to me and asked if i had been too adventurous with different positions!
perverts!
haha!
ouch it hurts...
just taken my tramadol, anarex, faverin and statins... time to ko!
:-)
smell...
here's some of it...
- armpits
- the fatty oily mess of our white heads
- arse
- cock
- balls
- smegma (need i go further! ha)
- ear wax (some call it ear shit)
- nose dried mucus (some call it nose shit)
- used underwear
- sweaty shirts
- piss stained pants
... and i would go further that despite the out-of-the-world odours, we still derive satisfaction and comforts in smelling our own body and/ or what it excretes! but of cos, no one will ever admit he/ she does it!
no?
Sunday, 20 May 2012
smegma
and for those who still didn't know what "smegma" is, well, the common term used that you might have come across is "cock cheese". and oh, i did a wiki on this and found out the even females do produce "smegma" too!... doesn't this make the term "cock cheese" a misnomer? that there is also the "cunt cheese"!?! ok, ok, just being a little crude here, but well, i supposed even in such "cheesy" reference, sexism do exist too! and by the way, i love cheese! and certainly do not appreciate how dead epithelial cells from the sexual organs are also referred to as cheese! super duper eeeewwwweee!
facing death
it's such a humbling experience to face death and see it walk towards us. quietly and stealthily, it steals our loved ones away. and after experiencing the process, we walked out feeling drained and, for me, stronger. that was how i felt when i walked the final months with my dad. also, with his passing, i felt the baton being passed to me. i feel like an elder now. donno how to describe the feeling...
i supposed it's also an age thing. something that we all have to go through in life. and after coming out of the process, i am in a better position to share and possibly to counsel my friend d. his dad is having stage 4 cancer and he's feeling the strain. certainly a very difficult period, but have to through it. the prognosis may be taken as a curse, yet, from a different perspective, it is a blessing. a blessing to allow you to spend time well with your dad. to stop sweating the small stuffs and to appreciate the positives. walk the final paths together as a family well and to allay his worries so that when the time of departure comes, he will go with no worries, and the family will be at peace, knowing that you have given your best.
jia you jia you!
random nothings...
been a few busy weeks. wouldn't call them stressful, just busy. or perhaps stressful to the point that it has become routine and hence, i don't feel so stressed. did a presentation to my ceo and interestingly, the 2 persons in between weren't happy with the amount of details i prepared, esp my immediate boss. too detailed, he screamed first thing in the morning. you think the ceo doesn't know all these izzit! cut. cut. cut. and that was what i did. 50 slides to 10 slides. and guess what!? everything i cut/ hide, my ceo asked how come i did not tell him... caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. unhide and brief also salah, don't unhide and brief also salah... i decided not to show in the end. shan't put myself in the line of their politics. sighs.
mum has been rather stable these 2 weeks. guess it is the extra extra amount of attention i gave her. and perhaps the fact that bee has been away overseas for work helped. anyway, she's down with bad flu and cursing away the few oldies at the rehab center for passing her the bug... sighs.
oh, the weather is terrible these days! hot hot hot... anyway, recently downloaded grindr and jack'd. interesting apps. and tsk tsk tsk... the amount of headless bods. eye candy nonetheless. and that makes me think - is a 6-packed half-a-durian-looking ab really so important? hmmm... a case of i want but just not possible? mine looks more like a watermelon! hahaha... and oh, found out my neighbouring block's lesbian has a gay brother too. heh heh... me just being kay poh...
such a lazy and lonely weekend!
:-)
Saturday, 19 May 2012
erm...
it's funny how i often cannot recall things these days. hmmm... must be my anti-depressant medication. been 5 (?) months since i started taking it and i guess it is working... a little like the men-in-black flashlight kinda outcome... hahaha! (i just watched the show on tv)
was just exchanging smses with someone i know for quite a while... a sms-pal kinda friend who's based in bkk... and the thing is - i can't recall how i got to know him... weird feeling. get that kinda feeling often these days. hmmm... well, interesting thing is that i know who this person is and some of the things we spoke about over time. but i just can't recall how i got to know him...
well... anyway, i supposed it's not critical.
just be happy...
:-)
the avengers
watched the show with bee on monday. it was quite enjoyable although I thought the show tried to squeeze in too many things within that 2.5hrs. would probably be a little overwhelming for people who did not know some background about the different characters.
but what struck me was - the show acted out tuckman's different stages of teambuilding! haha... damned, me too much into my work such that even shows like this reminded me of theories... occupational hazard indeed!
and oh, as always, cpt america and thor were still as yummy, still so man!!! grrrrrrr!!!
lol!
blogging on bb
my laptop went kapoot 2 weeks ago and my frequency of blogging took a hit. so yesterday, i decided to blog with my bb. and i started composing an email and once done, i clicked send... and as a routine, i went to my blog to take a look at my post... what i saw freaked me out!!!
there in front of me was my full name, my appointment, my contacts details, my company name, address... and so on! yup, you guessed it! i had published a post using my company email instead of my personal email! and what got published included my whole blooming signature block, company disclaimer, la la la...
hahaha! wtf right!?! really gabra zebra for a while and hurriedly went into edit mode to delete all unnecessary details!
:-)
there in front of me was my full name, my appointment, my contacts details, my company name, address... and so on! yup, you guessed it! i had published a post using my company email instead of my personal email! and what got published included my whole blooming signature block, company disclaimer, la la la...
hahaha! wtf right!?! really gabra zebra for a while and hurriedly went into edit mode to delete all unnecessary details!
:-)
Friday, 18 May 2012
Sunday, 13 May 2012
the last knit
amazing animation...
underlying this very simple animation is a very complex theme of addiction/ attachments and the cause of sufferings.
underlying this very simple animation is a very complex theme of addiction/ attachments and the cause of sufferings.
enjoy!
:-)
ps: if you cannot get the meaning behind the animation, go to the youtube page and read the comments.
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
purity
firstly, let's look at the concept of "pure". purity exists only becos there is a reference point from what is deemed "unpure" (or impure, whatever). yet this reference point is vague cos it depends on how one percieves or defines it. in the natural order of the world, there is nothing absolute. and if that is the case, then the whole idea of "purity" fails. no? as an example, let's use the concept of colour - there is no such thing as pure black colour. cos technically, what is deemed pure black colour to us is defined by us based on what we see. and the colour range that we humans see is limited up to a certain point. cos, for what we would traditionally referred to as pure black colour is imaginary cos theoretically, there are blacker tones than black that our human eyes cannot distinguish! no? you can use this same argument for red, blue, yellow, etc...
secondly, the concept of "chinese". when i reflected on this, it reminded me of a documentary series called "the chinese diaspora" that i watched couple of months back. it was an interesting series cos it explored what being "chinese" mean. and it concluded that the concept of "chineseness" is vague and perhaps does not exist. what is "chinese"? how do you define "chinese"? you can't. you cannot possibly have a common defintion! there are just so many ways to define it. by culture, by looks, by language, by lineage, by politics? by nationality? it is simply impossible to do so. is a malaysian-chinese chinese? is a singaporean-chinese chinese? by virtue that i have to throw in the word malaysian or singaporean already tells me that this chinese is not chinese-chinese! even within china, is there such a thing call chinese-chinese? we have chinese han, chinese turks, chinese yao, etc... so? what is chinese? perhaps, the closest i can relate to is that the term chinese is used very loosely to refer to people who's ancestors hails from central asia. then again this is also vague. it did not fully address the dimension of time. there is also no clear geographical boundaries to where is central asia. so, my take about the whole concept chinese is at best vague. and as for "pure chinese" - it does not exist.
thus, if anyone wants to look for a pure chinese or chooses to discriminate against chinese that are "not pure", it does not differ much from a person in denial and choosing to self-console by imagining the existence of a state of being that does not exist. or perhaps, it reflects the person's superficiality, insecurities, bias, ignorance, or worst still, absolute stupidity. such a person needs to reflect deeper and do some very critical thinking about what he says... no? so much reflections for a post that i again, throw into my spam box. and i repeat, my blog is for all to read. it is in a public domain. read if you want, don't read if what i post is not to your liking, but buck off and don't try to tell me what to blog. i maintain that i write what i want to write. it is my blog!
ps: for the record, mak saya orang peranakan dari singapura, dan bapak saya orang hokien dari cina. does that make me any less chinese? i don't know how you are gonna classify that, but i am happy with what i am, who cares what you brand me - chinese, malay, baba, hokkien, singaporean... whatever... i don't care. cos i am very happy with what i am. be happy! drop a high five comment if you agree with what i wrote!
picture from http://danielayad.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/hungrygeneration-pursuitofpurityprt2355.jpg
picture from http://danielayad.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/hungrygeneration-pursuitofpurityprt2355.jpg
Sunday, 6 May 2012
respect
the blogosphere is really a space to allow 2 conversations to occur - the conversation within one self, and the conversation between one and his readers. and in the context of these 2 on-going conversations, it is really not realistic to expect any blogger to blog according to another person's wimps and fancies. it is as simple as i write what i want to write, i post what i want to post. who cares whether you subscribe to my believes or not. and as for the reader, well, he can choose not to read. freedom of speech and expressions as well as freedom of readership when it comes to the blogosphere. but of cos, with this freedom of speech and expressions comes the responsibilities. the blogger himself needs to observe certain rules of the game/ guidelines such as posting responsibly, err on the safe side when it comes to anything deemed inflammatory, being respectful in his post... and so on...
argh... it's a lazy sunday afternoon and i am not really in the mood to write anything serious... so, read if you want to read. you are most welcome to do so. and if what you see is not to your liking or taste/ preference, you have a choice to leave. when i recieve any comment/s from anyone who makes tries to influence my postings and/ or sounds rude, the comment goes straight to my spam box.
Saturday, 5 May 2012
vesak 2012
as usual, the wait was long and draggy. at 2am, we were still some distant from the start point... and then the sky turned cloudy, the thunder started rolling and the lightning started striking... hmmm... we wondered and joked that the temple would practise what the military do - that is, announce a cat 1 high lightning risk status and cancel the event... and we laughed about it. it just didn't sound right for such announcements that we associate with the military to be done here. whatever the case, we were determined to proceed even if there was a thunderstorm. afterall, for me, i've been doing this for the last 20-over years and doing the ritual through a rainy weather was not new to me. we continued to wait in the queue. the was the air of uncertainty all around.
and then the recorded chanting stopped. those people in the midst of the 3-step-1-bow were totally lost... some stood still, some continued with their 3 steps... and for that moment, no one knew what happened. we were in the queue beside those in the procession and we were staring at them. it looked and felt a little weird frankly. we suspected there was a problem with the player.
and then the announcement came - we have a cat 1 high lightning risk condition now. everyone, please leave now... we will suspend the activity for the next half hour. for now, everyone please leave and go under shelter... the announcer repeated the message. hahaha... everyone was stunt! for those, like us, who had been queueing didn't know what to do... we were wondering how we could possibly get back to the queue after half hour. it was just impossible. we could imagine the rushing of the thousands to get into the front of the queue that had taken the organizers some many hours to organise. and for those who were halfway through the procession, it was a rude and abrupt end! everyone just stood there. there must have been at least 5000-8000 people just standing there stunt.
it took some 2-3 mintues before the reality of the suspension to sink in... slowly, the crowd started to disperse, somewhat unwillingly and somewhat unhappily. and perhaps as a signal of displeasure with our slowness and lack of co-operation, the rain came! it started with huge droplets, and within seconds, it rained cats and dogs... no, it was more like someone pour a whole ocean of water onto us. and the winds blew! it became almost a stampede. everyone was running into the shelter... well... you very much know how everything unfold after that... it's been more than 45min now... and the thunderstorm continues. hundreds of devotees, us included, are now seated in the hall of no form, waiting for the thunderstorm to stop. the temple has started an impromptu program to conduct meditation for us...
it's been an interesting start to vesak 2012! let's go with the flow, let's not be too attached to the ceremony. let's focus on the practise. happy vesak everyone. may everyone be happy and may everyone gain enlightenment!
sadhu sadhu sadhu!
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
he's not gay!
he worked as a chiro at the clinic i used to frequent. and i always kept a look out for him whenever i visited the clinic. and of cos, he would always give me that look... you know, that look... and once when my regular doctor was not around, he treated me (hurray!). he was so gentle with me when he attended to me. my heart skipped a few beats when he asked me to unbutton my shirt. wa! my regular doctor never asked me to unbutton regardless of how tight i wear! and here, i have this hunk asking me to do that! can i unbutton a few more buttons?! ha! and after that one encounter with him, i wished secretly that my regular doctor would be sick or on holiday or whatever so that he would stand in to treat me. alas, it never happen after that one time. when he eventually left the clinic (not too long after he treated me), i got his contact number from the clinic staff. i contacted him and he remembered me! and he was so friendly with me! and he asked me to add him on facebook. i was convinced he must be gay! confirmed. i kept telling myself. all the vibes i felt.
and so i checked him out in facebook. and i realized how much a camwhore he was. tons of photos. and quite a few of them with muscular guys. added to that, he always have that cheeky smile and would do all sorts of campy pose in his pics. and despite the fact that his photos were always with one or two girls around, i was cock sure he's one of us. the girls must be his gurlfriends... they must be! i showed his photos to bee and bee was also rather convinced about it. but bee added that we could not be 100% sure cos he's filipino and filipinos has this abilities to exude gay vibes even when they are straight! whatever it was, i continued to keep track of his life through his updates in facebook. relationship status - it's complicated. gay! gay! gay! confirmed! to me, most gay men would indicate complicated or not put at all! and when i saw that, i was so so convinced he belonged to my tribe! and his every post reinforced my belief that he was one...
anyway, i lost track of him when i deleted my facebook.
that was a couple of months back. and over the last 2 days, i decided to sms him to wish him a good weekend. and i was pleasantly surprised that he remembered me and spoke like as though we had not stopped contacting. we chatted quite a bit via whatsapp. and i decided to do a search for him online again. ha! found him in linkedin, added him. and then found his profile in facebook again... and then... i saw his relationship status - in a relationship with xxxxxx (it's a woman's name!). of cos, kaypoh me clicked on the name and saw a couple of photos of them together... hmmm... so? he is not gay? hmmm... i am still not sure... perhaps he is bisexual?
hmmm... i still have my doubts... whatever... hahaha...
damned! i think my gaydar is malfunctioning!
and thank goodness i did not asked him if he is one or flirt around with him!... or maybe i did... hmmm... hahahaha!
(well, you might find me weird posting such things and behaving like that when i have a partner. but well, it's just a curiosity thingee. afterall, as someone told me - if i am not superficial, i am not gay! haha... and my attitude has always been - it's always fun to second guess if someone is gay, and it's always a plus point to know more people in this circle. it's hard enough trying to be normal in this straight-centric world, so the least we could do is to be more accepting of our own kind... agree?)
and thank goodness i did not asked him if he is one or flirt around with him!... or maybe i did... hmmm... hahahaha!
(well, you might find me weird posting such things and behaving like that when i have a partner. but well, it's just a curiosity thingee. afterall, as someone told me - if i am not superficial, i am not gay! haha... and my attitude has always been - it's always fun to second guess if someone is gay, and it's always a plus point to know more people in this circle. it's hard enough trying to be normal in this straight-centric world, so the least we could do is to be more accepting of our own kind... agree?)
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
sea bass w/ brinjal
it is may day and i desperately wanted to have something different from the usual routine. if i have my choice, i would want to go out to town with bee. just the two of us. but i knew i would be stretching a bit too far cos we had gone out for an hour plus this afternoon without her. and so, we decided to bring mum out to town for dinner and to do some shopping in town.
we had dinner at a cafe that specialises in bread-related food, soups, simple western mains... we were half wondering if mum would be able to enjoy/ appreciate the food. afterall, he closest encounter with western meals had been kfc, mcdonalds, or at most ikea food... and given that she is toothless, i decided to order sea bass fillet with sauteed brinjal for her. the sea bass and brinjal was grilled and the dish came with a hearty serving of tomato puree and topped with a sprinkling of fresh veggies. for ourselves, we ordered some vegetarian dishes (we are on a vegetarian diet in prep for vesak day)... and we shared a mushroom soup. happily we ate.. halfway through, mum said she was full and wanted to pass the remaining food to bee. i told her he's also on vegetarian diet and asked her to leave it aside for the waiter to clear. what? buang? sayanglah! cannot waste food! and she went on to gobble everything down... very typical of the elderly generation. i also asked her if it tasted good and she nodded her head as she used her fingers to gesture the "money" sign. (meaning - it must be good since it cost so much!)... anything expensive must be good. ha! another typical response from the elderly generation.
we went shopping after that and the evening wore on. and on our way home, i asked if she enjoyed the dinner. and finally she gave her frank inputs - the food was bad, the fish was bland... yadda yadda yadda... yup, another typical response from a old bibik. no food can be considered good if it did not taste familiar (no need to be peranakan dishes, but it must be something familiar), it was not cooked with strong spices, it was not sufficiently pedas, and for that matter, did not include her favourite sambal belachan...
i had guessed it right. she didn't know how to appreciate western food.
haha...
distractions
today is may day and i wanted a break from mum. but i knew it would be a very tricky thing to stage. yet, i wanted to head out to the hairdresser with bee. it had been a long while since i was able to spent time alone with him. but i was acutely aware that if i were to leave my mum alone at home and to go out with bee, she would go all haywire suspecting that i would be out planning with him how to kill her again. and so i experimented with this - i dyed her hair. and after i applied the dye, i told her i will be heading out to have a haircut, and that i would be running errands such as to buying more dye for her for future use and buying bread for her breakfast tomorrow. and i told her she needed to keep time for 45 min the colour to set for her hair. i told her that at 2.20pm sharp, she should go wash her hair. and she should shampoo her hair twice so that the dye can be completely washed off. and with these instructions, i left the house.
i came back at about 3pm. i was half expecting her to be black-faced and throwing tantrums. but she was not. she was ok. she did not go gaga... instead, she told me how she kept time and how much effort she took to shampoo herself... my experimentation to distract her from my absence worked!
it was such a great relief!
:-)
baldness
yup. got myself bald again. and as i was about to head to the hairdresser, a thought came to my mind. and i asked - hmmm, perhaps i should do it after tomorrow? there will be guests visiting my unit tomorrow and i will not look good if i were bald, so unglam... and then i remembered - the very reason why i wanted to go bald is to remind myself that i should not be attached to the whole idea of beauty. such superficiality/ vanity is against the the grain of my practise as a buddhist. that i should continue to cultivate my inner self and guard myself against attachments, much less attachments to myself.
and so, i went ahead with my baldness...
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