Grateful: Gay Haunts

I thought the title “Gay Haunts” kinda fit today’s post. Here’s why...

• AM @ CBP. Similar to other days, it was an easy day that started with a morning walk around the business park next to my estate. Despite waking up a tad later than usual, I still managed to get in a decent walk and morning exercises. Now, the park where I walk is notorious for being a gay cruising haunt at night. The “activities” can start as early as 9-ish in the evening and go on till late into the night. But these days, since I started walking early in the morning, I have also begun seeing people hanging around (read: cruising) into the early morning hours. Once, a guy even stripped bare at the roundabout in front of me when the sky had already brightened. So daring of him, I thought. Anyway, I saw him there again this morning. He has since learned to ignore me, since I don’t respond to his nudity or cruising. Well...

• PM @ TM Beach. I decided to cycle to East Coast during lunch. It was a warm day and I got a nice tan. I had not cycled since bringing the bicycle home early last year, so it was an interesting experience for me. I wasn’t sure which route to take and decided to simply head towards East Coast via Tanah Merah (TM) Beach. I was quite pleased with myself when I reached the beach in less than half an hour. Now, TM Beach is known within gay circles as a place where some would head for nude tans. As I cycled past, I noticed workers clearing the shrubs and bushes. It didn’t look quite possible for anyone to be tanning in the nude. Or so I thought... until I spotted an elderly guy, probably in his late 60s or 70s, lying face-up and tanning in the nude at the breakwater. So daring of him, I thought. Anyway, I saw some nice wild Sansevieria plants (snake plant) by the beach and took one home. I left after that.

• Evening @ MR Toilet. In the evening, I visited Upper Thomson to buy some perlite for the Sansevieria plant that I had collected by the beach earlier. I visited 2 nurseries but did not manage to get everything I needed, so I decided to leave. I was still feeling warm from the afternoon sun and decided to walk to MacRitchie Reservoir (MR) a short distance away. I used to shower at the MR toilet after my walks and it always refreshed me. When I arrived, it was deserted and I had a really nice cold shower. Just as I was leaving, I noticed several gay men arriving. It wasn’t difficult to identify those who were cruising, as many would walk around with roving eyes and carry a bottle of mineral water. MR toilet used to be a cruising hotspot and many voyeurs would hang around. It has since quietened down after CCTVs were installed. I was surprised that the place was still teeming with men cruising. So daring of them, I thought. I left them to their game.

So it is probably a natural thought that I should title this entry: “Gay Haunts”. That aside, I am grateful for the relaxing pace, the peace, the wild Sansiveira plant, and the interesting sights. Sights that, in their own way, allowed me to reminisce about days gone by. And truth be told, these sights don’t titillate me to the extent they once did. Perhaps that’s what age does to you. 

LOL...

Grateful: Shoes

The title aptly captures what I did today: bought myself a pair of ASICS Kayano 32 Sunny Sizzle track shoes.

I had been looking for a replacement pair for quite a few weeks. You see, I have been having backaches, and my legs and hips ache badly after my daily walks. Despite all the stretching and rest, the pain has persisted. I had suspected all along that several factors could be contributing to it - my posture, insufficient warm-ups, the long walks, ageing, and, of course, a well-worn pair of shoes.

I have been wearing ASICS Kayano models for several years. The make suits me as I wear orthotics cos of my previously broken metatarsals. This time round, however, I wanted to see if there were more affordable alternatives that might suit me. I tried shopping online, visited several shops, considered different brands and models, but I just couldn't quite land on a pair that met my needs. Then the search became a little more urgent when I noticed how badly the soles of my shoes had worn down, with parts of them beginning to detach.

And so, I finally decided to stick with ASICS Kayano but upgrade to a newer version, despite having to pay a bit more. I was glad the shop had a pair that fitted what I was looking for - a nice colour, the right fit and, most importantly, the support I needed. They only had the display pair left, but since it fitted well, I decided to take it. I walked out of the shop with a sense of relief and felt happy: happy that I had finally ended my search. The new shoes should give me the support I need and, I believe, lessen the aches and pains I have been experiencing.

I should take the next couple of days to break them in and let my feet get used to them.

Picture from https://www.asics.com/sg/en-sg/gel-kayano-32/p/1011C284-400.html

Grateful: Peace Beneath the Rain

I was doing some work when it started raining outside. Feeling a little melancholic, I decided to get AI to help me write a song about the rain, before using another AI tool to turn the lyrics into an actual song. I asked for a ballad that was easy on the ears, and the outcome was surprisingly good. Now, the song has been playing over and over in my head... 

Here’s the song and its lyrics:

Peace Beneath the Rain

[Verse 1]

Rain taps softly on the window pane 

Washing the dust from a tired day 

I let each drop fall where it may 

And feel the noise inside me fade away 

[Pre-Chorus]

The clouds don't ask me to explain 

They simply loosen every chain 

[Chorus]

Let it rain, let it rain 

Clear the corners of my mind again 

Every drop takes a little weight 

Leaves me breathing at a gentler pace 

When the world feels hard to understand 

I find a little peace beneath the rain 

[Verse 2]

Puddles hold the silver afternoon 

Branches bow beneath the quiet tune 

I walk slowly, giving time its room 

And watch my scattered thoughts return too soon 

[Pre-Chorus]

But even restless thoughts can drift 

When the sky gives what it gives 

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]

I don't need an answer tonight 

Just a window and the softened light 

Let the water carry what I cannot name 

Till I meet myself without the ache 

[Final Chorus]

[Outro]

Let it fall, let it fall 

There is room inside it all

Simply enjoying myself with all these AI tools and am grateful to be reminded again of the convenience it gives me; and for the rain that cooled the weather down somewhat!

Grateful: Exhausted

I slept at 9-ish last night and woke up at 9-ish today. When I woke up, my whole body felt so wasted and my back threatened to give way. I didn’t actually get out of bed until almost noon! 

You see, I woke up at 5 last morning, had a quick breakfast, and then headed to town where I conducted a full day of stand-up training. After training, I headed to my aunt’s place to help with the end-of-7th-month prayers. I couldn’t even kneel properly to plant the joss sticks along the walkway. I was just too tired, and my whole body had stiffened up. The exhaustion really took its toll on me, and by the time I reached home, I literally just collapsed onto my bed after a nice cold shower! 

I’ve never felt so exhausted before. Was it a culmination of physical and mental stress, exacerbated by age? Idk. I just know I was exhausted. And for sure, the heat and humidity totally didn’t help! I slept deeply, and I’m glad I’m all good again after a good, slow day!

Still, I’m grateful for a day well spent: successfully delivering a new and highly challenging module; having an engaging and participative class; the chicken essence with cordyceps and ginseng tea that kept me going through the day; the opportunity to catch up with my elderly aunt and uncle; a nice cold shower; and, finally, a good night’s sleep!

Retirement & I

I read a blog by RB reflecting on his post-working life and it got me thinking of my own journey too. My "retirement" journey, that is. I have placed the word "retirement" in parentheses because I do not define retirement in the "traditional sense" - where one stops working professionally after decades of work. It is too narrowly defined, imo. To me, retirement is a state of mind - a state where one is financially stable and does what is meaningful to him. This definition is independent of work. As such, one can be working (or otherwise) and still be considered retired.

In Sgp, the current retirement age is 64 and this will be increased to 65 by 2030. For me, I told myself that I would want to continue working even after my retirement age. And I would work for the engagement, and not for the salary. This is important to me because, as a single gay person, apart from a couple of close friends, working is an important means to keep engaged with the community and society at large. It keeps one emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. 

This underpinned my decision to become a freelancer, and freelance in roles that are meaningful to me. This made me think deeply about "what is meaningful to me". It made me reflect on my purpose in life. It was a difficult thought process that took me years to crystallise. The latest articulation of it is simply this: to be able to help people and society. With this thought, the choice of what I wanted to do became clearer. I would be a coach, a mentor and a trainer. These are roles where I can help people, share my experiences, and support people as they navigate life, professionally or personally.

I am a realist when it comes to age. Like it or not, the society we live in is an ageist one. And as an HR person, I am very well aware that when people (read: employers) see the "6" in front of your age, whatever value you can contribute to them will take a backseat, and your resume gets put away. So I left my corporate life end-2023, at the age of 57 to prepare myself. To be a coach, trainer and mentor, there were skills, certifications and networks that I needed to establish. And I needed to get all these settled by the time I reached 60. 

I am now 3 months shy of 60. I have obtained the necessary certifications and I have established myself as a qualified trainer, a professional coach and a mentor. The training companies I have signed up with recognise my value and come to me when there are projects. I have the prerogative to accept or decline the projects when they are offered. For coaching, I have been doing it on a pro-bono basis, as and when my base of clients comes to me. Although the frequency is not as high as training, the coaching sessions have been deeply meaningful. The same goes for mentoring.

When I talk about retirement, it goes beyond just work and keeping engaged. There are tangibles, such as finances, housing, and so on that must be considered. I am grateful that the financial audit I did before leaving corporate gave me a clarity of how much I actually need - operational cost, in corporate lingo. This provided me with the basis to accept or reject training opportunities. I just need to train enough to sustain my lifestyle without needing to dip into my savings. It has worked wonderfully well for me thus far. I am, of course, definitely more conscious of my spending these days. But that is a good thing. I am in control of it.

On a broader scale, I have also considered the longer-term financial aspects, such as CPF and housing. After a long thought process, I am ready to liquidate my current apartment and move to public housing. I have already started the application process. The aim is to purchase one at a location of my choice. If the application is successful, the construction will take 3-plus years, and I should be able to move in when I am 63, or latest 64. My CPF LIFE will kick in at 65. With these tangible aspects in place, I am reasonably confident I have put myself in a financially comfortable position for the rest of my life.

What I have captured above are, in many ways, the easier aspects of post-corporate life planning. What is probably the most challenging for me is my sense of self-identity. I have alluded to it when I mentioned "purpose" earlier. For the longest time in my life, my identity had been closely linked to my professional identity. Leaving corporate, having time in my own hands, forced me to revisit my identity and the whole purpose in life.

What am I? Who am I?

Thinking deeply about my purpose also forced me to look at my beliefs and my values. It took me a long while to look inwards and re-examine myself. I am sure my "purpose" will morph as time passes, and with it, my daily habits and lifestyle. But I am not in a rush. After all, time is what I have now. And I give myself permission to take my time as I relearn about myself, to relax, to pursue my hobbies, to work, to go on holidays, or, simply, to do nothing. Importantly, what is most meaningful to me is to be aware, to live in the present moment, to be grateful, to be compassionate to others and to self, and to live life mindfully.

Ultimately, it’s my life and I decide how I live it. I am in control. I define what retirement is and...

I retire on my terms.

Grateful Start of Sep: Consolidation

It’s 1 Sep, and we are already 2/3 done with 2026. Is it time to start reflecting for the year? Heh… perhaps I’ll leave that to Dec lah. For now, let’s just consolidate what has happened over the past couple of weeks and give thanks to the things I should be grateful for. 

To Learn, Teach. 

I have spent a lot, and I mean, a lot, a lot of time researching and preparing for a training that I will be delivering next week and over the next 2 months. I thought it was important for me to really immerse myself in the subject and prepare myself properly, especially since this is a topic that is very much in the limelight currently - Artificial Intelligence. The materials provided totally cmi, especially from the instructional design point of view, and much re-work is needed if we want learners to learn properly - reframing the structure, reinforcing the content, designing the learning process, developing the activities and the demonstrations, and many other things behind the scenes. Of course, I am very much aware there is a political angle to it, given that the programme was developed by someone else who is now, for whatever reason, no longer scheduled to deliver it, at least for the next 3 runs. But I’m going to stay away from the politics and just focus on my preparation and delivery. Whatever happened is for the training company to handle. At the same time, I had to make sure I didn’t fundamentally change the deck that was provided. To me, getting the two-day programme materials in place is the key outcome. I am engaged as a trainer and not a developer, and thus, I should observe my professional boundaries. And after all the efforts and energies invested, I’ve finally done it! But what I am most thankful for is the learning I gained along the way. There is a lot of wisdom in the phrase "to learn a topic well, teach it". The deeper understanding I now have gives me a much stronger foundation for future runs, and perhaps even for other opportunities that may come along.

People - Managing Myself. 

There has been better clarity lately on how I should invest my energies in certain people, particularly in relation to M. I have been sensing subtle but distinct shifts in his attitude towards me over the past 2 months. I have asked if there was anything amiss between us, especially since he has suddenly refused to meet up despite the frequent greetings that he continues to forward. I had initially hinted and, later, asked explicitly about why he’s not keen to meet. His response was simply, “I don’t feel like socialising.” I find that response somewhat difficult to reconcile with the fact he continues to go out with his friends. Then again, perhaps I don’t need to understand or resolve that contradiction. Whatever the reason, his actions (or non-actions) tell me something, and I think it is time for me to calibrate my responses accordingly. As another friend had advised me: "You don't need to own his issues". Thinking about it, I probably should just mirror his energies and responses. Not out of spite, but simply because I need to manage myself. I don’t think I need to keep investing energy where it isn’t being reciprocated. Life is probably too short to spend too much time trying to figure out people. Instead, I’m grateful for the other friends who continue to engage, reach out and make the effort. Friendships, and relationships for that matter, are a two-way thing. It’s hard to have a hand clap singularly. Just not possible. 

Evolving Daily Routine. 

I have been making a deliberate effort to sleep earlier, relative to previous times, and head out for my early morning stretches and walks. And interestingly, my body seems to be adapting to this routine quite well. With this change, I am able to fall asleep relatively easily, and my sleep quality has improved. Let’s see how long I can maintain this routine. I’m not pressuring myself to make sure it keeps going. I’m sure it will change again when new habits are formed, or when life inevitably gets in the way. But for now, I’m deeply grateful for the good rest, the exercise and the benefits they have given me, especially in easing my backaches. And, of course, for the general good health that I continue to enjoy. 

Things have slowly but surely changed over the last couple of weeks. And I’m sure they will continue to do so. Perhaps that’s what I’m most grateful for - not that everything is perfect, but that things seem to be finding their own rhythm. Work, learning, friendships, routines, life in general. It’s been a pretty good year for me so far. And with a few more months left in 2026, I’m quite happy to just keep going, keep learning, keep appreciating what I have, and see what comes next.

Traveling...

Lately, several of my friends have asked me if I have made any travel plans, considering I have not travelled since last June. Frankly? No… I have not made any plans, and I don’t have any desire to do so at this point in time. Thinking of all the hassles, the planning, the financials… it’s actually quite tiring. 

And added to that, I have gotten quite used to staying in Sg and just going about my daily routines. And on a very practical note - travelling needs money. I want to be a little more careful with my finances these days, and I don’t really see the need to spend money simply for the sake of travelling. So, the next natural question is - what happened?

Well, I think there are several reasons. I am more settled in my mind these days, and I simply have less desire to travel. I think it could also be that I have come to realise the impermanence of that feeling of travelling. The excitement, the anticipation, the experiences… they are all wonderful, but they pass. Perhaps I also don’t savour travelling as much these days, especially since I am no longer attached to it in the same way.

Admittedly, in the past, I travelled partly because I wanted to spend time with my other half, and also because I wanted him to experience and see the world. So, perhaps travelling had a different meaning for me then. It wasn’t just about the destination or the experience. It was also about that someone and sharing it with him. 

Today, it feels different. I’m not saying I will never travel again. I definitely will. And when the time comes, I’ll pack a bag and go. And my criteria to travel remain the same - somewhere cool, easy and relatively stress-free. But for now, I’m happy staying put, go about my routines, and enjoy the life that I have here.

And I’m okay with that. 

:-)

A Meaningful Morning

My day started exceptionally early today, but it was for a good reason! I volunteered at an old folks’ home to bring the residents out for a walk at MacRitchie Reservoir Park. 

I joined the activity through a social service organisation, and about 30 volunteers turned up. After a quick briefing, we were brought to the assembly area to meet the residents, all of whom were elderly and wheelchair-bound. At first, there was some awkwardness and apprehension. We were strangers to the residents, and they were naturally unfamiliar with us too. But once the ice was broken, the interactions quickly became warm and comfortable. 

The uncle I was accompanying was 73 and Hokkien. Knowing that gave me an immediate point of connection as I’m Hokkien too! We chatted in Hokkien, and I could see him becoming more comfortable as we talked. We reminisced about the old days, places that no longer exist, and many other seemingly mundane things. Yet, from his chattiness, I could sense how happy he was. 

The walk itself was short, lasting about an hour and a half, and it was tiring. I was pushing a wheelchair while chatting with the uncle I was accompanying, and the heat was building quickly. Still, seeing him happy made the effort worthwhile. I could imagine how much it meant to him simply to be able to leave the home for a morning walk. 

It was a simple outing. But seeing the smiles on the residents’ faces reminded me that spending time with someone, speaking their language, listening to them and making them feel less alone can mean a great deal.

I am glad I joined the activity.

I’m Happy

Always very happy to hear from my coachees and mentees about their successes. And today, another of my coachees shared that he has secured a role after months of unsuccessful attempts. Such good news! 

You see, I met up with him a couple of months ago. That was our first meet up and I was surprised by how quickly he opened up to me. He sounded really dejected and demoralised.  We talked through some of the issues he was facing, worked through some of his self-doubt, and discussed how he could approach his job search differently. The tone of his message today was such a huge contrast. I’m genuinely so happy for him. After all the disappointments and setbacks, it’s really nice to see things finally work out for him. 

So it’s 3 success stories in as many weeks! Being able to be there for my coachees and mentees as they navigate their challenges and difficult moments is really meaningful to me. And being able to do this feels very much aligned with one of the things I want to do with my life - help people. 

That makes me happy.

Intuition?

Things will smoothen out in the end… I think it’s some kinda intuition, or perhaps I’m just quite used to how things are. You see, I’ve observed that despite my sometimes “nonchalance”, “tidak apa” attitude, everything somehow always falls into place. This has been the case even when I was in corporate, organising major events. 

This time round, I had a new training to conduct in 2 weeks, and there’s much to be done. But looking at the number of learners, I decided to take it slow, despite telling myself there was soooo much to research, prepare and internalise. True enough, I got an email yesterday informing me that the programme was cancelled. I believe it was due to low sales. I’m actually thankful I didn’t overstretch myself too early by researching and preparing extensively, apart from getting AI to help me frame things. 

And today, the company called to check my availability for 2 new runs next month. Such a sudden twist of events. That means I’ve gotten an extra 2–3 weeks to prepare - and this time round, I’m quite sure it will happen. And it’s a happy problem - with these two additional runs, I’ll now be kept busy till the end of the year, with a training run every fortnight. 

Yay… 😄 

So… is it intuition or…?

Refreshing...

I decided to do things differently today.

I dressed up (and this is highly unusual given I am a singlet/ t-shirt casual dresser kinda person), headed to town with my laptop (which is also unusual as my work desk has been set up at home), met up with friends for lunch, and worked in town. I also kept my options open to catch a movie or meet DO for coffee. No fixed plans, really. Just seeing where the day takes me. I just wanted to be spontaneous. Perhaps stay out of the house for the day. And perhaps, along the way, clock my steps.

And right now, I’m at a cafe blogging.

I had initially wanted to do a bit of work at the cafe before meeting my friends for lunch, but the 45 minutes available was too short and probably not gonna be too productive. I also didn’t want to get into something and then have to break my train of thought when it was time to leave. So I thought cleaning up my emails, checking out courses to attend, and blogging would probably be a better and more meaningful use of my time.

It’s still early, and I have the whole day ahead of me.

I think I have organised my life too meticulously over the years, and being spontaneous is quite a recent phenomenon for me. And today, I went a step further. I decided not just to be spontaneous, but to deliberately do things differently.

It feels nice so far.

Nothing particularly exciting has happened today. Yet somehow, the day already feels different. And maybe that is what being “semi-retired” feels like. Do what I want, when I want, how I want... but keep it meaningful, purposeful and easy.

And that feels refreshing.

Post-note: I had a superbly nice lunch, post-lunch dessert, afternoon coffee with DO, watched Spider-Man, a very nice vegetarian dinner and did some window shopping! Such a nice day!

Grateful: Ordinariness

Heaven is… 

• Sitting at the coffee shop in the morning after an early morning walk
• Drinking kopi o kosong
• ⁠Eating my breakfast of savoury mung bean bun
• Watching attractive people (cuties) go to work
• ⁠Knowing I am no longer in the rat race
• Chatting with my friends
• Simply watching the world go round and
• Feeling grateful for all the above!

It’s a lovely start to the week!

Building an App

It took me quite a while to do what I did today: I built a local app to auto-generate individualised learner assessment reports.

You see, I had been doing this rather manually thus far, and it’s quite a laborious process - downloading the class list from the trainer’s portal, generating individual reports by extracting each learner’s name and identity number, and saving them as individual files for submission. And my learners are organised into different batches. Each programme run can have up to 5 batches, with each batch having a different number of learners. Added to that, different programmes have their own report templates. And because I’m usually not in any rush when I do my training preparations, and given my attention to detail, I had been quite happy to do it manually. I wanted to make sure the font was correct, the font size was right, and the formatting and layout were all consistent. It was tedious, but I was quite happy to live with it. 

But since I will be teaching about using AI to improve work processes, I thought it would be good to have a real example that I could showcase. So I decided to challenge myself to use AI to develop an app to automate my report generation. And it was quite a journey. I spent quite a few hours developing the prompt, ensuring the data source was clean, making sure the data fields in the reports were correct, and ensuring that the format of the reports across all programmes was consistent. I also ran quite a few trials to ensure the data extraction was accurate and that the individualised files were saved according to the required naming protocol. And voilà! I eventually got the app running on my laptop!

What makes me particularly happy is that I now have an example to showcase during my lesson - not just using AI to generate content, but actually using it to solve a real work problem, figuring things out along the way, and eventually getting something that works.

So proud of myself!

Grateful 2 Weeks: Blessed Busyness

It’s been a while since my last entry. I didn’t feel particularly motivated to write and, to a certain extent, felt a little conflicted about blogging given how busy I had been preparing for and delivering a new programme. There were difficult conversations which I dreaded but managed to have, a lot of research, prep and development for the programme, and my bad back hasn’t healed as quickly as I had wanted it to. Still, the past few weeks came and went, and I thought things went rather smoothly and well. So let me reflect a little and capture the areas that I am grateful for, despite the challenges.

• Delivered a New Programme. I finally delivered part of a new programme. The prep work was intense and took a lot of effort and time, despite having materials provided to me. The thing about being me is that I need to internalise the given materials and be able to incorporate my own experiences to make the learning authentic, real and relatable. The fact that this was my first face-to-face class compounded the challenge of delivery. I was glad that my delivery resonated well with the learners, and thankful that all the efforts paid off. The post-training evaluation scores weren’t as good as those from my virtual classes, but they were respectable. Still, the experience gave me good insights into how I can improve myself for future runs. There are so many things that I have learned and, equally, so many things that I am thankful for.

• Difficult Conversations. I personally do not like difficult conversations, especially when they involve people with authority, even if that authority is now in the past. I was faced with one such conversation 2 weeks ago. Without giving too much context given the sensitivity of the issue, the conversation had me walking a tightrope, balancing professional integrity with maintaining a respectful relationship. I used AI to give me different perspectives and alternatives on how I could approach the conversation. I thought the conversation went well and that, in the end, I was able to diplomatically and courteously turn down a request - one that could compromise my professional integrity. More importantly, I learned from the episode. I am thankful for the lessons, for AI, and for the people I spoke with for counsel.

• Bad Back. Amidst the busyness, my back continued to feel tight and unrelenting, especially when I woke up in the morning. I had to consciously make the decision to lie on my bed and be very intentional and deliberate when transferring my body weight and walking. Recovery was slow, but I am certain that I am heading in the right direction. Age is a bitch, isn’t it? It’s interesting how we push ourselves physically when we are younger and then suffer the effects as we age. Still, it is what it is. Positively, this episode reminded me of the importance of slowing down and taking deliberate rests when the occasion calls for it.

• Stress. The preoccupation with the training prep, the difficult conversations and the bad back elevated my stress levels. As a person who tends to overthink, overprepare and overstretch myself, I naturally went into overdrive as I prep for the training - the researching, adding supplementary content and personal examples, changing activities, thinking through the learners’ abilities and learning styles, and so on. All these things just added to my stress. It showed clearly in my BP and PR - they went up a couple of notches. But I wasn’t too worried about it. Thinking back, I think I managed the situation reasonably well: pacing myself, getting sufficient rest, even when an overactive mind refused to allow me to sleep, and trying to boost my energy with ginseng, chicken essence and the likes. I am thankful for all of these. I also see all the effort as an investment, and hopefully it will pay off in the longer run. With each run, I will learn, refine and improve, and hopefully I won’t need to put in quite so much effort the next time around.

• Mentee & Coachee. This period of busyness was peppered with coaching and mentoring sessions. And as of today, I am superbly pleased to learn that one of my coachees has managed to land a role. The news came as a pleasant surprise, especially since I had coached her for close to 2 years and had seen first-hand how much she had struggled professionally. My mentee has also successfully gone for several interviews and is feeling very positive about how things are panning out for him. At our last meet-up, he said something that made me smile: “Whenever I speak with you, I always walk out feeling very positive and very happy. Thank you so much for mentoring me.” I don’t think I need much more validation than that.

• People. Even when I was so absorbed in my training preparation and delivery, I made it a point to meet up with friends - BG, D, PY, JT and others - for walks, meals and drinks. These meet-ups provided me with the social engagement and mental breaks I needed, and I appreciated their company and the time they made for me.

So, yeah. It’s been a superbly crazy few weeks. But the outcomes and validations I received from the people around me - my learners, coachee and mentee - and feeling their happiness and enthusiasm when they updated me reminded me of what I wanted to do in the first place: to help and support the people. And that is what makes all the busyness worthwhile.

I am blessed indeed.

Random Rants 2 - Neighbours

Let me continue to capture some additional thoughts: 

• Closeted Bi? Two months ago, I noticed a guy - probably in his late-40s, tall, handsome and very friendly-looking. He lived in one of the blocks of flats that I'd pass by whenever I head out for my meals. From what I observed over time, he is married and has a teenage son. I couldn't help but notice how he would occasionally steal looks at me whenever we crossed paths. More than once, he would throw a smile my way - that kind of discreet, almost secret smile - especially if his wife was beside him. Lately though, he seems to avoid me and would sometimes change direction whenever he sees me. Why is that so? 

• Snake Plants. My next-door ex-ex-neighbour had a pot of 2 aloe vera plants and another 2 pots of snake plants. It was their domestic helper who maintained them and, if I'm being honest, it wasn't particularly well done. They moved out quite a while back and left the plants behind. After they left, I continued watering and pruning them. I think the current neighbours have assumed that the plants belong to me. The snake plants have since grown new shoots and I managed to repot the babies into new pots. I now have 6 pots of snake plants. They are all so pretty. 

• Red Bean Soup. Last week, my next-door neighbour came over and handed me a bowl of red bean soup. "I made this myself and hope you enjoy it." So sweet of him, right? 

• Bloodied Arm. I recently interacted a little more with another neighbour. We had exchanged simple pleasantries whenever we met over the years, but during one of my walks recently, I happened to run into him at the park and noticed he had a bloodied arm. He had tripped over a stone and scraped his arm against the rough path. Since then, whenever we meet, I would ask about his arm and how it was healing. He has since started chatting a little more. Interesting guy. He and his wife (presumably) are probably in their late 40s and are superbly health-conscious. His wife engages a personal trainer and trains several times a week at the car park. 

• Names. I found out yesterday, from my 4th-floor neighbour, that my 8th-floor neighbour is called Mxxxx - same as my mum. Such a coincidence. I've lived in this block for the last 3 decades and I seriously do not know most of my neighbours' names. Thus far, I have only addressed them as “Mr So-and-so” or “Mrs So-and-so”, or simply, "Hi." 

• "..." Look. I have another neighbour who never fails to give me this "..." (that can be either interpreted as "WTF" or "Fxxk You", or, at times, fearful) look whenever we cross paths and she’d walk an additional step away from me. It's almost as though I am a threat or I have offended her somehow. This morning, she stared at me so hard I could practically see the whites of her eyes. I always wonder what it is that makes her react that way. Then again, that's for her to manage. I couldn't be bothered. 

• Creep. And then there's a neighbour whose son (in his late-20s) frequently show up in Grindr. I've seen him grown up over the years and while his family - parents and sis - are always very friendly to me, he has always kept his hostile-looking face whenever we meet. So one day, I sent him a message and said something to the effect of "Hi, it's nice to see you in here.". And his reply - "I don't know you, don't be a creep." How rude!

So yeah, lots of interesting encounters with people around my area. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Part and parcel of life. You do you, and I do me. Life goes on.

Random rants 1 - Colours

Here’re some random stuff, nothing significant, just quick thoughts and occurrences that colour my life:

• One Million. My blog views crossed 1 million last week! Woh! didn't even think this could happen. Anyway, yeah... it did.

• Elderly Auntie. I was doing my exercise topless by the park connector recently. The connector was a shortcut from the bus stop to a housing estate. In the distance, an elderly lady walked towards me. She probably wanted to take a short cut home. She was about 80m away from me when she saw me. Then she stopped, turned around and started running. She turned her head several times and looked in my direction as she ran. I wondered why.

• Merlion-ing. I was in the MRT when people seated around me started vacating their seats and ran (literally - ran) to the next carriage. I noticed a long-haired girl seated two seats away, slumped forward, hair falling and almost touching the floor. The next thing I knew, her wallet and phone dropped. She had some difficulty picking them up and gave up after a few feeble attempts. I slid towards her, picked them up and placed them by her side, then went back to my seat. The next thing I knew, she vomited violently onto the floor (merlioned, as we Singaporeans call it)... ewww. I alighted at the next stop, which was my intended stop, and reported it to the station master. The girl needed help. The train needed cleaning.

• Be Helpful. I told a peer trainer: don't chase for training runs and don't worry about things you cannot control. Instead, be helpful and stay relevant, and most importantly, focus on your delivery when assigned. The opportunities will come. That's how I contributed to the trainer team. My coordinator appreciated my contributions and my learners benefitted. And the opportunities came - not just from the coordinator, but also from fellow trainers who needed help covering for them when they couldn't make it.

• Identity. It's been three years since I left corporate. A new phase in life after 4 decades of working. I realised that my identity had been so tightly intertwined with my working life that it has taken me a lot of effort and time to rewire my identity into that of a freelancer and semi-retired person. It's been an interesting journey - redefining myself, changing the mindset, reframing my thought processes, adjusting to new routines, expectations and lifestyles. But what has kept me going is the constant reminder to focus on what's meaningful to me as a person. In other words, what is my identity as a person, and not as a professional.

• Retirement. A constant thing that people say to me is, "When I retire..." And my question to them is: how do you define "retire"? To me, retirement is not about "stopping work". It is a state of mind. And if I continue working, I work because I want to, not because I need to. Financial freedom. Engagement. Meaning in life. Purpose. And from this perspective, I can still be working, yet retired.

Ok, enough for now. Just some quick rants as I eat my breakfast.

Grateful 1WJul26: Life

It’s been a week since I last wrote a reflection, and quite a lot happened over the past week. Here’s a quick rundown of how my week went and the things that I am thankful for.

• People. I met up with many people - family, friends and coachees - who wanted to catch up, have a meal, and simply celebrate this new chapter with me. It’s been a while since I had so many meals out with company. Food definitely tastes better when eaten with company. And I gained quite a bit of weight! It was really nice to reconnect, even if it was just over a meal. I am thankful for the people who reached out and who care. 

• Well-being. I explored new routes for my walks and intensified my step count to an average of about 15k - 25k steps a day. It’s tiring but, at the same time, nice to experience different routes. Admittedly, on some days I felt unmotivated and tired, but I’m glad I pushed myself a little and went for the walk. It has definitely contributed to my physical and mental well-being. 

• Mindfulness. I had an interesting exchange with a peer trainer who consistently complained - from the sale of courses, to trainer scheduling, to the quality of learners and so on. It’s tough to listen to constant complaints, but in a way, it reminded me of the importance of focusing on what I can control and not sweating over what I can’t. That perspective helped me maintain my focus and peace of mind, and I truly appreciate the opportunity to cultivate greater mindfulness. 

• Feedback. I managed to deliver the new module, and the feedback was quite positive. There were, of course, one or two learners who were a little more critical but, objectively, their feedback allowed me to reflect on how I can improve future runs. I’m grateful for the pointers they raised. 

• New Module. I have also been engaged to run another new module and have started researching the topic. While it is stressful preparing for a new delivery, I see it as an opportunity to deepen my knowledge and stay relevant as a trainer. Such an opportunity is hard to come by! I am blessed!

• Opportunity. A peer trainer asked me to share my résumé, and she forwarded it to a training company for their consideration. I was surprised that within a few hours, I was invited for an interview. The interview is this week, and I have to prepare a topic for the session. Let’s see how it goes. I’m grateful to my peer trainer for recommending me and connecting me with the academy.

• Rest. I have been sleeping relatively well over the past couple of days. This has been a welcome change compared to the previous few weeks when I had insomnia, possibly due to the stress of preparing for my training delivery. During that period, I noticed my blood pressure and heart rate had increased. I’m glad they have since returned to the normal range. 

On the whole, I think the past week was simply me living my life. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened. It was very routine, yet meaningful and intentional. And when I paused to reflect, I realised there was much to be thankful for.

Bak Chang & I

Duanwu Jie (or 端午节, Dragon Boat Festival) has always been present in my family through the making of bak chang. My mother would prepare them, offer them to the gods, and share them with people who mattered to us. Although she is Peranakan, she would make the Hokkien-style savoury bak chang, shaped by my father’s and grandmother’s Hokkien background. Occasionally, she would also buy the sweet Peranakan-style nonya chang for us. I have always preferred the nonya version. My personal journey in making the chang began in 2003. I think I went through two major phases in my nonya chang making journey: an early experimentation or "fusion" phase, and a later maturation into the nonya style. What began as experimentation shaped by homesickness has, over time, grown into something grounded in memory, belonging, and continuity - and, ultimately, in how I understand my own identity.

I started making it in 2003 when I was based in Tampa. I was living in a western country, navigating life as a minority, and I remember a persistent sense of loneliness and distance from my cultural roots. Food became a way of returning to something familiar. In that space, I began experimenting with bak chang. There was no clear recipe at the start - only instinct and memory. I went to a Vietnamese grocery shop and bought the ingredients and bamboo leaves. What emerged was a version that, at times, resembled Hokkien choot bee png (fried glutinous rice) wrapped in bamboo leaves, rather than bak chang in its fully formed sense. To many of us Asians based in Tampa, however, it carried a familiar resonance of home, and it became an unexpected success among fellow Asian military personnel on base.

In the years that followed, after returning to Singapore, I began to refine the recipe through trial and error. My mother guided me in those early years, especially in emphasising the importance of coriander powder and winter melon. What emerged was a fusion version that I was rather proud of - it felt like a meeting point between my parents’ heritage: Hokkien on one side, Peranakan on the other. Yet beneath that satisfaction was a quieter pull. I had wanted to make nonya chang, but the result kept settling into something in-between. I knew the ingredient mix was not quite right but could not pinpoint exactly what. Still, I was elated that my parents, especially my mother, enjoyed what I made. I sometimes wondered whether her enjoyment was also shaped by her own Peranakan upbringing, something she had carried differently after marrying into my father’s more traditional Hokkien family.

Over time, I kept adjusting the recipe with each passing year. Each year brought small refinements, and gradually the nonya character became more distinct - the first real turning point being the removal of hae bee (dried shrimp) and an increase in coriander powder. What had once been experimentation slowly became something more intentional, as though I was uncovering rather than inventing it. I have continued this annual practice ever since, and this year I went further, making adjustments to both the ingredients and the cooking method. The filling was made more savoury; the rice given more depth with extra garlic, fresh and fried shallots; and salt added to the boiling water to prevent dilution of flavours during cooking. The outcome felt closer than ever to what I had been seeking.

Looking back, what stands out is not the technical evolution of the recipe, but the emotional thread running through it. Making nonya chang has become a quiet way of staying connected - to my heritage, my parents, and their histories. More than that, it has gradually become part of who I am.

Here's my latest recipe >> Nonya Chang 2026

Here's a quick explanation to what the festival is: >> The festival commemorates the patriot and poet Qu Yuan and celebrates the enduring values of loyalty, remembrance, and community. These days, families mark the occasion by enjoying the bak chang or rice dumplings together, watching or participating in dragon boat races, and gathering to preserve cultural traditions across generations. 

Choot Bee Png (Glutinous Rice)

Let me capture the recipe for my choot bee png or 糯米饭(glutinous rice) here. This is the hokkien version and my mum used to cook it during the Seven Fairy Festival (that falls on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month). During this festival, she will cook this dish, sweet porridge (rice and mung bean porridge) as offerings. In addition, we will see make up powder, perfumes and 7 flowers on the altar table. And after the prayers is over, she will throw the flowers onto the roof... we don’t see it being practiced these days.

Anyway, here's the recipe for the glutinous rice:

Ingredients
2 cups of glutinous rice
80-100g of dried shrimps (more if you like stronger taste)
10-12 shallots (or 3-4 large onions) (use the purple ones or its equivalent in qty of shallots)
200g of pork belly (not too fatty unless you like pork fats)
5-8 dried shiitake mushrooms

1 - 2 chinese sausage (depending on preference)

2 tablespoon of oil (personally i prefer to use sesame oil)
dark soy sauce for colouring

light soy sauce to taste
oyster sauce to taste

dash of pepper to taste

Garnishing

fried shallots

spring onions

salted peanuts

Preparation

wash the rice and soak in water for about 1-2 hour. then drain off the water. the soaking will help the rice cook faster. wash and soak the shiitake mushrooms, cut into slices. wash the dried shrimps and drain off the water. then soak it in water for an hour. you can use the water from soaking the mushroom and the dried shrimps to cook the rice later. it makes excellent stock. cut pork belly into strips. you can boil the pork belly first before you cut it. cooked meat is much easier to cut. also, the resultant stock from boiling the pork belly can be used to cook the rice later. next, dice the shallots/ large onions.

Cooking

heat the oil in the wok. throw in the pork belly and let it fry till the pork strips turn a bit brown, then add in the chinese sausage. let them fry sufficiently to char the sausage a bit and to extract the oil from both the pork belly and sausage. throw in the diced shallots/ onions and fry till it is translucent (it should take about 1min of frying). put in the soaked dried shrimp and continue to fry for about 2min or until the fragrant emerges (this is to allow the ingredients to mix well). pour in shiitake mushrooms and let it simmer for 1 minute. pour in the glutinous rice. add the light and dark soya sauce, and pepper to taste. fry for another 1min or so to allow the rice to be fully soaked in the onion, pork, sausage, mushroom and dried shrimp mix. transfer the half cooked rice to the rice cooker. add water as necessary and let it cook in the rice cooker.

Serving

Serve the glutinous rice with the salted peanuts, fried shallots and spring onion. The dish will also go very well with chinese dried chilli oil, sambal belachan, or cut chilli depending on preferences.

Nonya Chang 2026

It’s been 2 years since I last made the nonya chang. Decided to make it again this year as there are people I wanted to give thanks to. And I have tried some new things this year - in terms of ingredients and cooking techniques. What came out this year was probably the best for me since I started making it. So, let me use this post to update what I did for my nonya chang this year. 

Meat (Filling)

1kg of meat (wu hua rou [pork collar] or san cheng rou [pork belly] - cut into cubes about 1.5cm)

1 large packet (200g) dried shiitake mushroom (soaked & sliced)

6 large onions (diced)

6-8 garlics (roughly chopped)

300g of sweetened preserved winter melon (diced 1cm)

* I used pork belly this year. Remove and discard the skin but retain the fats; and instead of cutting into strips, I cut them into cubes. To make it easier to cut, I boiled the pork belly till it is half cooked before I cut them. I retained the broth and used it to cook the meat subsequently.

Seasonings for Meat

1/2 - 1 packet of coriander powder

200g of white rock sugar (about 4-5 pieces)

White pepper powder (for taste)

Light soya sauce (for taste)

Dark soya sauce (for taste and to colour) 

Oyster sauce (for taste)

Chicken stock concentrate/ powder (for taste)

Sesame oil

Olive oil

Lard (optional)

* I added oyster sauce this year. It turned out better than expected. Also, I used more rock sugar and winter melon than previous year in an attempt to make the meat sweeter.

Rice

2kg of glutinous rice (soaked for 2-3 hours)

Seasonings for Rice

Sesame oil

Olive oil

15 garlics & 10 shallots (blended together) 

Fried shallots

2-3 tablespoon salt (make it more salty)

* I added shallots as well as fried shallots. It made the rice more fragrant. Also, I used more salt in anticipation of the bleaching when I boil it. 

Others/ Wrapping

1 packet (400g) or about 120 bamboo leaves (washed in hot water and soaked at least 2-3 hours)

Pandan leaves (about 7, cut 5cm long and sliced vertically) & strings. This will make about 50-60 chang.

Key to note for cooking:

(1) Make the seasoning stronger than it should taste becos once it is boiled, it will become bland and the taste after that will be just right. 

(2) Boil for about 45min - 1hr and when boiling, add 1-2 tablespoon of salt into the water. It will slow down the bleaching of the chang.