end of the 7th month

it's coming to the end of the 7th month. inauspicious to many, auspicious to some, and reflective for many depending on your religious affiliations. whatever it is, it is coming to an end and common to all, it is time to celebrate. so, to all my taoist friends, happy eighth month and mid-autumn festival, to all buddhist friends, any time is good to reflect and to purify ourselves, and to all my muslim friends, happy hari raya aidil fitri.

:-)

ps: this month has usually been associated with illness, death etc. and i supposed the fact that many chinese are superstitious about it did contribute to the increased negative happenings. so, with the passing of the 7th month, may every one get happy and healthy again!

傷心的歌

i love this video! the love in his eyes when cruising in the train (esp at 5:35min), the tensions, the whole feeling of falling in love! i am so sure every gay man would be able to identify with the clip! enjoy!

:-)

恰似你的溫柔

always loved 蔡琴's songs! she's such a diva! simple song, delivered so expertly! bravo!

:-)

tgiw

thank goodness it is the weekend!

this been an extremely stressful and difficult week for me. i had to conduct a 2-day workshop for my top man in the company mid-week. and it so happened that mum fell sick and had to be hospitalized just before the workshop started. so you can imagine how i was, on one hand, co-ordinating the workshop, facilitating the discussions, doing presentations, responding to my bosses many last minute changes and at the same time, answering calls from the hospitals about my mum. i was therefore so bloody glad when the workshop ended and friday came along (despite having to manage my mum's discharge from the hospital).

this weekend, i am so gonna zonk off and do nothing... and despite a rude start to the weekend, i really wish the remaining parts would be as smooth and as uneventful as possible.

:-)

discharged & weak

mum's whizzing has almost disappeared and she was given the go ahead to be discharged. when she was in the ward, she was not allowed to leave the bed. so, naturally, after 3 days of staying in bed and not walking, she felt weak and could not really hold herself up after she was discharged. twice yesterday, as she tried to get into the car, her leg gave way. thankfully, we had the wheelchair close by and we managed to prevent her from sitting onto the ground...

this morning, she told me her forehead was painful and i noted it was a little blue-black. she told me she had a bad fall when she woke up. apparently, at about 6am, she wanted to head to the toilet and fell forward after she stood up from the bed. in the process, she banged her forehead on the floor but managed to pick herself up. listening to her, i got worried. as of now, apart from the forehead, she also complained of her back (spine) feeling sore. otherwise, there was no symptoms of giddiness, vomiting etc. everything seemed pretty normal. am keeping a close watch on her.

sighs...

admitted

sgh a&e... 8am... direct admissions... no further questions asked... super efficient. she was attended to even before i could register her.

tired of porn?

when some people asked me how do i occupy my time when bee is not around, i would tell them i do so by watching porn (sometimes i do, i admit). and they would ask me wah lao! don't get tired meh? porn so boring! so! do you think one can get tired of porn? from some of my friend's responses to my answer, i would say yes, one certainly can!

as for me... well, initially i disagree, how can one get tired of porn?! no way! but thinking about it deeper, i have to agree (yes, i do think about such seemingly trivial stuff too!). and i say so becos when i begin to think deeper about what thrills me when i watch porn, i concluded it was not the act. rather, it was the bodies and reactions of different individuals. frankly, when it comes to the act itself, there is just so much permutations and after a while, it does get boring. but when it comes to the body and the responses, woooo, every new person is a new body! and every new person behave and respond differently to the stimulus they were subjected to! and i certainly do not get tired of seeing different individuals in the production. it continues to thrill me.

what about you?

one more thing, when it comes to analysing how people watch porn, it begs the question - what do you focus on? the face? the body? the anatomy? or what... and who do you focus on? the giver or the reciever? the top or bottom? the 1 or 0? the male or female? the f-er or f-ee?... also, are you titillated by your senses (ie, the sights or the sounds) or the fantasies it gives you?

damned, i am thinking too much!

heh heh...

human waste

have anticipated it... saw it coming. and today, i finally have to manage it. more to come! it will get worst... i am prepared for it. but what i did not expect was - i also have to manage my dog! arghhhhh!!! just screamed at her! just when i was so damned busy doing the cleaning, she came along and started sniffing and licking the toilet floor! stupid dog!

i am so tired, so drained... totally no mood now. was thinking of doing my work tonight, but i am totally not in the right state of mind now.

but well, have to push on! push on!

are gays promiscuous?

i came across this topic in a gay forum website. i noted that at least 2 threads had been started for the question above. and interestingly, there were many arguments over this topic. it was a good discussion. many approached this question from the biological angle and argued that regardless of species, all males tend to want to sow their seeds. thus, it does not matter if it is human or animals, all males are highly sexual creatures. thus, sexuality is not the issue, both gays and straight men are equally promiscuous. some others approached the topic from a social angle where factors centering around whether peer pressure, pregnancies, etc where discussed. from this angle, gays are more promiscuous cos there is a higher frequency of sex between 2 men. as for straights, it is not a case where the men do not want sex, but rather, it is the women who refused to give the sex for fears of pregnancy. hmmm...

and as i read, i wondered - for those who tried to argue that both straights and gays have similar behaviours, did they make the claims based on facts, heresay or perception? as for the social angle of the discussion, if the women do not give the sex, it didn't mean straight men are any less likely to have sex right? promiscuity is a judgment of a person's behaviour as a result of his mind, not a function of being refused sex. personally, i think it is also important to ask ourselves whether the concept of promiscuity is clear to all. i think the act of sex cannot and should not be associated with the concept of prosmiscuity. one is a act and the other is a judgment based on norms and values. so the starting point in itself is very different. and to make things a little more complicated, social norms vary from society to society and community to community. and to mix the concepts of sex and prosmicuity together simply confuse the whole discussion. so, my take is that the question is wrong in the first place. what really is the question? i am not sure myself. if it is about the frequency of sex, then perhaps the question should be "do gay men have more sex than straight men? why?" makes the question clearer.

what do you think?

picture from: http://quipsnquills.com/wordpress/?p=10334

long walk

had a super duper long walk with mum today... we walked round the 3rd and 2nd floors of raffles city and then i decided to take her to marina bay sands. took us a whole 3 plus hours to do so and by the time i ended, i was dead tired. frankly, i never knew there were so many things that one can enjoy at marina bay sands. there were water fountain shows, fire shows, laser lights, etc... and set against the singapore skyline, it was really very nice! was certainly a very good trip!

:-)

one summer night

took me a long time to find this and i found it last year and had it posted in my facebook. i revisited this song today and found the original show where this song was played! wow! and to add to it, i even found the korean version! so now i know why the chelsea and ah bee sang this song to the koreans in the updated version! simply love it, regardless of the version!





and the korean version...



:-)

nobody

was surfing around songs of my secondary school days and remembered a song called "nobody". it was by sylvia. when i typed the title in youtube, the only "nobody" song that appeared was the recent korean version. hmmm... i was so convinced the song by sylvia was called "nobody". so i did another search and finally got it! yes! reminds me so much of my sec days when a group of 6 of us would study together, head out together on weekends, etc. such sweet memories!

:-)

seasons in the sun

one of the more memorable song of my childhood days. when i listen to it now, it somehow stir a weird sort of feeling in me. a sort of melancholic, sad yet somewhat sentimental feeling.

...

endure

suspicious mum

mum has behaved in a rather weird manner these last week or so. while i have accepted it as a norm that she was very suspicious of people, it was another thing altogether when she started behaving weird. you see, couple of days back, as i approached my main door, i noticed tissue paper sticking out of the peep hole. i pulled out the paper and asked mum if she had placed it in there. she replied yes and explained that she didn't want the maid to peep into the house, especially in the daytime when i was at work and not at home.

hmmm...

not hungry

it is rather funny cos these 2 days, mum said she is not hungry. and today, she even said she didn't want dinner. instead, she wanted to rest early. i wonder why and asked if she is ok. she said she felt full cos sis had given her buns for tea. still... it did not seemed right cos mum is the sort who seldom miss her meals.

hmmm... apart from the flu, i hope she is ok and that there is nothing more serious festering insider.

sighs

i lost my temper today with one specific individual in my company and i started this blog writing about my frustrations with this particular person. then i thought - why put myself through all this trouble and getting frustrated with such people. life is too short to be bothered about them. instead of getting frustrated with them, why not face up to them and address their issues, smile and then thank them for the opportunity to strengthen my patience in dealing with people.

and from that perspective, life is a lot more simple and easier to pass. and i certainly thank life for giving me such opportunities.

:-)

capitalism vs ethics

was surfing a gay forum site and came across this very interesting topic.

"cheap and effective cancer cure found but pharmaceutical bigwigs choose not to develop it for masses because not profitable." discuss.

so interesting right? such a serious topic in a gay forum certainly throws off people who stereotyped gay men as an immoral superficial hypersexed male gender... then again, there was only one response to this discussion thread. hmmm... hahaha!

:-)

buy rice

mum called me at my office at about lunch hour today. she sounded very glum and asked me: "can you ask your sis to buy me another pack of rice for lunch today?" i was taken aback at her request. my sis has not fail to provide her her lunches thus far! so i queried: "sure i will, but hasn't she bought you lunch?"... and mum replied: "ya, she did. she got me a packet of mixed vegetable rice... i opened it up, left on the table and went to the toilet, but when i returned, the rice was all gone, sapphie ate off every bit of it!"....

aiyoh! i tell you! i didn't know whether to laugh or cry! hahaha... anyway, in the end, i ended up having to rush home to buy her her lunch before rushing back to office for a meeting!

:-)

ps: sometimes, i laugh at myself for having to look after an old woman and an old dog at home. and both has issues that end up with a common outcome for me - i have to occasionally clean the piss off the floor of one who suffers from incontinence, while the other has the bad habit of pissing on the floor rug when she cannot hold on any longer... funny right? heh heh...

beautiful sunday

ya, i know it is the end of the sunday and i am supposed to be grouchy. but frankly, i am feeling a little perky now. and i thought there is nothing better than to listen to this very nice tune from my childhood days!

:-)

adventurous weekend

had a hectic weekend. and i think it is going to be the same type of weekends for many months ahead! you see, mum has come to the point where she looks towards weekends cos that would be the only times in the week where i would bring her out. and that was what we did over the last 2 days.

yesterday, we brought mum out for breakfast and lunch at her usual places. but it was not the breakfast or lunch that matter, rather, it was the fact that mum got to leave the house. she certainly enjoyed it and was chatty through the whole period outside. and for dinner, we brought mum to turf city where we had indonesian food. after that, we went to changi airport and walked through all the 3 terminals... it was a long tiring day!

it was almost the same today. breakfast was done outside, and for lunch, i was a little tired and got bee to buy lunch home. at about 4-ish, mum suggested going out for a walk before dinner and that was what we did. i had initially wanted to bring her to the beach for a stroll, but she resisted. she felt it was not right to head to the beach today (peak of the hungry ghost festival month). so in the end, we went to bedok where we strolled through a large part of bedok interchange/ central area. after that, i drove her to suntec where we ate the steamboat at the basement. man, you should have seen how mum wallop the dishes... she ate faster than i could cook! but of cos, i gave her a huge dose of vegetables and protein-based food. after that, we walked around suntec. as we passed by the fountain of wealth, i told her how people walking around the fountain were doing so for wealth and fortune. she quickly dismissed these people as superstitious and that suggestions of getting wealth and fortunes were all nonsensical... hahaha... typical response from her when she doesn't believe in things. after about an hour of walking, she wanted to head home. she said i must be tired and needed to rest early for work tomorrow. and i guessed i was. it was certainly not easy to push a wheelchair around the place, even more so when mum was so heavy!

but i was certainly not complaining. she was so cheery and smiling from ear to ear through the trip. it was so nice to see her happy!

:-)

longer & thicker

last couple of weeks, i kept getting mails asking if i wanna have fun/ sex. then this week, i started having mails asking if i want to have my penis lengthened and thickened, and/ or products to help me enhance my drive, my libido, my performance, and so on. and interestingly, these mails came from all female names...

chey, i thought, long or short, thick or thin, as long (no pun intended) as i am happy, that's all that matters. most important, it works! and that it works well! i am sure my bee bee can attest to that! so, buzzed off spammers! i need no enhancement, no massages, no vacuum pumps, no tablets, la la la...

hahaha...

ps: interestingly, these enhancers all come from western countries. but i thought westerners are supposedly longer and thicker than asians? heh heh heh... perhaps, or are they just more insecure...

unforgiving person

my big boss dropped a bombshell on me yesterday... and i frankly think this is the first of many to come...

you see, my big boss called me up to his office to discuss some personnel related matters. during the so called discussion, he told me i had to kick out one of my senior staff. not negotiable. and i must do it in 6 months time. well of cos, he did not literally use the words "kick out", he simply wanted me to transfer one of my heads out of my unit in 6 months time. he explained that what he wanted to do was to allow me to have better people in my team. with an expanded job scope, it would be important for me to get good people too. and to him, this person has been a bit too complacent and too comfortable for his position. he had been in the position for the last 5 years and seemed to be slowing down a lot. to my big boss, this is not good and that to make my unit move faster, this guy has to go. it did not matter that he has been one of the key stabilizer since i took over. to my big boss, i need to look beyond this guy.

really, i didn't know whether to thank him or otherwise. on one hand, i was certainly very please that he is looking at giving me good people, yet on the other hand, some of the other reasons he offered seemed a little too personal too for he brought up past issues that seemed a little too distant for me. a little unforgiving too if i may say. he said he would not be giving me any choice, either he accept this posting or he will be asked to leave. hmmm, i guessed i will have to manage this senior chap carefully. if done wrongly, i will have more morale issues. but of cos on the bright side, i am getting better people and that can only augur well for my unit in the longer term.

right?

:-)

ps: i do really think this is a direct result of having lunches with bosses over the last 2 weeks.

我比誰都清楚

another one of my coming out years songs. somehow, i have this very strong attachment to the songs of those years. i would connect and identify myself as the character in the song...

and i would cry and cry and...

thinking back...

heh heh...

well, this was one of the lesser painful song.

keeping time

i bought mum a new hp and i had it charged overnight. i placed the new phone some distance away from my mum.

as i put mum to bed, she took out her old phone and asked me to help her switch on her phone. i was puzzled why she wanted to switch it on given that the sim card had been removed and inserted into the new phone. she replied she used the phone to see the time when she wakes up at night...

ah-sor! mystery solved! i have always wondered how she knew the time in the middle of the nights cos i did not put any clock in her room...

i obediently switched the phone on for her. once the phone was switched on, i passed it to her and as i looked at the phone, my mind started wondering... the numbers in the handset were so small and i amazed me that she could see the time. it also amazed me that she could interpret the time displayed in digital format. i playfully asked her "so what is the time now?" she couldn't answered and stared at me. i asked again and she gave me a blank look. so i asked her "you said you wanted to on the phone to keep tab about the time right?"...

and she looked at me, took the phone and demonstrated to me how she did it. and as she demonstrated, she said... "i press the keypad so that i can use the light to see the time on my watch..."

hahahaha... my mum is so cute!

me and my mental models!

sex tonight?

i have often recieve mails from all sorts of people including tricia, crystal, etc asking me "do you wanna have sex tonight?", "do you wanna have fun?" and so on...

damned the spammers! been told that when one visits porn sites, there would be a high probability of getting spammed by them. then again, these cannot be from all the sites i frequent, considering these are straight porn spam mails (i assume)... well, unless these are trannies names... hmmm, but i have certainly not been frequenting trannies sites too! not my cup of t's... come to think of it, if i get similar mails from "men in goggles", i might just click and check out the mail!

hahaha!

:-)

high expenses

it is very expensive to look after the elderly. was so when my dad and mum stayed with me previously. and is the same now that my mum has moved in again after 3 years! it has been 3 plus weeks since she moved in to my place and the bills are mounting pretty fast. the frequent medical bills, the food, the washing, the diapers, the daily needs, etc...

but no, i am not complaining. i am merely reflecting. i have to look after and provide for my mum. that is my responsibility. even if i have to miss my meals to feed her, i will happily do so. afterall, she had gone through lots of hardship just to bring me up. what more can i do now that she is reliant on me to provide for all her basic needs now.

as long as she is comfortable and happy.

:-)

lunches with bosses

it was weird cos of late, 2 of my big bosses asked me out for lunch. one was last week, where one of them asked me out. and the other one was today. got a call late morning from the secretary asking me to pick him up for lunch.

weird.

and what's weirder was that although a significant part of the conversations with both big bosses were different (cos they both have different thoughts about the issues), both also asked similar questions - how are you coping? do you feel overworked? should you be reporting to your current boss or should you report direct to another boss? etc... well, ok, not in these exact words, but the angle was something like that. of cos it was clear to me that both lunches were to elicit information out of me about my outfit and for them to better understand how i am coping. i answered as asked. no point hiding anything. it was not often that i get to lunch with them. and even more rare for me to give them unadulterated feedback about things in the company. so i took the opportunities to tell them about the issues, the challenges, the gaps, the shortcomings, etc. of cos, i did it with tact and focused on the issues rather than finger point any specific persons.

and i did more. i went on to tell one of them that i felt underpaid and overwhelmed at times. not a statement of complain, rather, it was a statement of fact and reflection, i said. i thought my big boss was kinda caught offguard with my off the cuff input. i had to calibrate the input so that i do not sound like i was finding the opportunity to negotiate higher pay (although i was... indirectly). he went on to ask about my pay and i thought he was kinda surprised at the amount i am currently being paid. (peanuts, i thought)

well, overall, i thought the lunches went ok. got a lot of inputs, planted a lot of feedback. things are clearer to me after these lunches. and hopefully, the big bosses can better understand the challenges i face on the ground...

:-)

yam cake

the following is the recipe for making chinese yam cake (also known as orh kueh in hokkien). managed to get this recipe from my sis. the details are purely estimates and you can vary according to your own taste... the following amount would yield about 2 trays of yam cake.

ingredients
yam - about the size of your fist
2 big onions or a handful of shallots
8 – 10 mushrooms
belly meat, or minced lean meat (amount as desired)
2 tbsp of dried prawns
450gm of rice flour
1500 cc of either water or stock (as desired)

preparations
dice the yam into small cubes
coarsely chop the onions/ shallots
soak the mushrooms in water and cut them into strips
keep the water used for soaking for the mixture, adds to the fragrance
for the meat, you may choose to take away the fat or you can also use minced meat, amount as desired
soak the dried prawns and lightly crushed it (as in the mushroom, you can consider using the water used to soak the prawns for the mixture)
mix the rice flour to the stock (proportion is 300gm to 1000 cc)

seasoning
light sauce - to taste
oyster sauce - to taste
pepper
dash of sugar
salt
msg (as desired)
a dash of 5 spice powder

cooking
stir fry meat till fragrant and the oil comes out. scoop aside. stir fry dried prawns till fragrant then add in the diced onions. stir fry onions till fragrant (transparent, glassy look). add in the meat, mushrooms and the yam. mix thoroughly as in cooking yam rice (exactly). once done, flavour with light sauce, oyster sauces, pepper, dash of sugar, salt and msg as desired. sprinkle a tiny dash of 5 spice powder (too much too strong, not nice). stir fry and mix thoroughly and scoop aside. mix the 450gm of rice and 1500 cc of liquid in the wok and warm over not too strong fire. pour in the yam mix into the rice flour solution. taste and flavour further if necessary. stir over medium fire, scrapping the base regularly to prevent the base from getting burnt. the mixture will slowly become paste like. keep stirring and scrapping the base and do until the whole mixture becomes paste like as in cooking banana hoon kuey (will be easier if use an anti stick wok). transfer paste to a flat tin and steam for about 45mins to 60 mins. once done, leave to cool. do not cut until cool as the mixture would still be watery when hot.

once cooled, cut and serve with chilli sauce/ sambal/ or sweet sauce according to liking. garnish with cut chilli, shallots and a dash of onion oil.

enjoy!

extravagant afterlife

went to the columbarium to commemorate dad's 3rd anniversary today. and after that, we decided to drop by the nirvana columbarium place. there had been quite a bit of publicity previously and we thought we should take a peek.

we were certainly awed the moment we stepped in. fully air-conditioned, lots of crystals, chandeliers, electronically tagged niches located within rooms called "suites", golden buddha figurines in every suite, sofa areas for people to rest, piped music/ sutras, etc. it was really a very high-end resting place for the dead. it felt really really hotel-like. and there were a lot of sales personnel trying to sell niche to people! i half suspect there were more sales personnel than visitors! as we walked from suite to suite, we were constantly greeted by golden buddha figurines, sculptures of boddisatvas, paintings, etc. very extravagant! and of cos, what was key in our heads were - how very expensive the niches must have cost! and true enough, i overheard a sales staff tell a group as they walked pass us that the niche in a particular suite cost about s$10,000... and that niche was not even located in a high end suite!

frankly, after seeing all the niceties, we walked out feeling rather disturbed. having just visited my dad's niche in a government-run columbarium, the contrast was super great! personally, i felt that the government-run columbarium was a lot more simpler and peaceful, and certainly a lot more respectful and dignified, for the dead, that is. with so many sales staff touting their niches, it certainly felt like a market. and the result was that the place, supposedly built for the dead to rest, ended up feeling superbly commercialized.

to me, there is no need for any opulence when it comes to the dead. when we are alive, many try to outdo each other by showing off their wealth, but when we are dead, we are all the same - a pile of bones. what need do we have for anything showy other than a quiet niche to rest? frankly, i cannot appreciate the need for the dead/ ashes and all to be placed in air-con niches with the environment all stacked with crystals and chandeliers etc. if it is to show filial piety, why do it for the dead, we should do it when they were alive. and if by having expensive niches, one will get the blessings of the buddhas and boddhisatvas for future generations, are we then saying that buddhas and boddhisatvas are mecenarious and will not bless people who cannot afford expensive niches? harlow! it was so clear to me that these are to feed the greed of many (especially the businessmen behind this columbarium), the greed for money, the greed to get blessings (by the many ignorant people who purchase the niches!), etc... blessed are those whose hearts are pure, who are compassionate, who spreads the truth... not those who keeps their dead in expensive niches! also, for many moments when i was there, it felt like people were simply trying to show off when they purchase a niche there... well, then again it might be unfair of me to make that comment/ have that thought.

still...

3rd anniversary

by lunar calender, today is the 3rd anniversary of my dad's demise. by solar calender, it would be tomorrow. then again, it has become a routine for us to commemorate his passing on national day regardless of whether it coincides with the lunar or the solar calender. we reckoned it is not so much the exact day that matters but rather, the fact that we remembers...

previous 2 years, my mum, my bro's family and i would commemorate the anniversary by visiting the columbarium to pay our respects. but this year, it was different. my mum, bee and i went in the morning, whereas my bro and his family went in the afternoon. and it was funny cos for the past weeks, my mum had insisted on not going to the columbarium (for all sorts of reasons). even as late as yesterday, she had told me she didn't want to pay her respects. and she also reminded me not to drink any water or eat any food that my bro's family prepares as she strongly believed they would cast some sort of spell on the food... then this morning, she told me she wanted to pay her respects and asked me to bring her there after breakfast... and that was what bee and i did.

bee and i made the day into an excursion for mum. we went for breakfast at jurong west, went to shop for the joss papers and stuff, dropped by a tua pek gong temple to pray, went to the columbarium to pay respects to my dad (and at the same time, pay respects to my paternal grandparents), visited the nirvana columbarium place to take a look, brought her shopping at jurong point, and then to buy some nonya kuih before heading home.

:-)

well, it was a long and tiring day. we spoke a lot of the past, about mum's younger days, about dad, etc... and that was how we commemorated dad's 3rd anniversary.

ndp & i

bee asked me why i have once again posted old (and repeated) news in my blog. he was referring to my ndp postings. other than 2006 and 2010, i have annually posted abt the same thing every year (2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2011).

i thought about his question. and i concluded that indeed what happened that year was something i could not let go. i mean, much as i would like to, it would be an almost impossible thing for me to forget how a country and an organization bore its weight on me simply becos of my sexuality.

damned! just thinking about it makes my inner temperature rise a bit! and for the record, as per previous years, i will not recite the national pledge this year too.

ok, shall stop here.

ndp 2011

somehow i don't feel anything this national day. in fact, this has been so since the last few national days. yes, it is a day to celebrate, to reflect on our independence, on our future, etc. but for me, depite the slight sense of sentimental excitement, it would be just another day.

national days do not excite me anymore these days. not like the way it did when i was a lot younger. a lot more naive. that was when i believe that as long as i am loyal to my organisation and patriotic to my country, i would get the same reciprocal recognition, acceptance and acknowledgement. nope, it doesn't work this way in this country of mine. and it became clear to me on that fateful day in may 2005 when the organisation and the country stopped recognising my contributions and bore its weight on me and punished me... becos of my sexuality.

living ones' dream

for my mum, living ones' dreams meant a whole different meaning altogether.

given her anxiety, she has been dreaming almost nightly about her late father (my grandfather) coming to her and giving her advice. and she would tell me about her dreams almost daily. and invariably, they would revolve around my graddad telling her to avoid my sister-in-law, the maid and my brother. also, my late grandfather would tell her to only stay with me, go out with me wherever i go (apart from work), and to rely on no one but me. also, all the past characters in her life would somehow appear and tell her about how, amongst all her children, i would be the only one that would provide her with good life and look after her in her old age.

all her dreams are variants of this and well, you can imagine how convinced she would be in the daytime. i always make it a point to speak good of my brother and my sisters. but somehow she would time and again, tell me not to be so "naive" and believe they are good cos her late father (my grandfather) had told her otherwise. and when i asked how my grandfather would know my sister-in-law as he had been dead since 1985, my mum would look at me and say "why not? he is dead. and the dead would know everything!"...

hmmm... how to respond to such an answer? hmmm... i simply change the topic. no point trying to tell her it is wrong. at best, she would take it. at worst, she would get even more confused and anxious. so, just let it be. easier to just accept this as her point of view, change the topic, and move on.

:-)

bbq

if you cannot go out with friends, you bring your friends to your house.

well, that was what we did over the weekend. as it was difficult for me to head out with friends for my weekends, i decided i should organize a bbq gathering for my friends to come to my place over the weekend instead.

it was interesting cos unlike previous bbqs, this one was a little more stressful. for a start, this bbq was a super small one. all-in-all, we had only 5 adults (including bee and i) and 2 kids. and so, the food preparation was kinda a lot less although it was no less hard work! secondly, due to my mum's incontinence, i had to make extra special efforts to give the whole house a good cleaning before my friends arrive. i had to make sure the stench of urine is minimzed. not too sure if i was successful in this but i guessed even if they did smell anything weird, they would have been a lot more forgiving. after all, it is not easy looking after an elderly.

it was a good and simple bbq, no less fun too although it would have been greater if more could attend. hmmm, perhaps next time!

:-)

lasik

to do or not to so? that is the question... i brought my mum for her eye check-up yesterday and i was curious enough to check out the lasik clinic. the customer ambassador was quick to talk to me and fill me in with all the answers i need to know. apparently, i am able to get the lasik done within 2-3 weeks from the day i register. very efficient. unlike previously where one had to wait for 3-4 months.

issue here is - at my age where my presbyopia is starting, if i decide to do my lasik to correct my myopia, it is almost certain my presbyopia will worsen straight away. so... hmmm... so i am now wondering, if i do not do, i can read with minimal problems but needs glasses to see far. if i proceed, i can see far but i will definitely need glasses to read. case of devil and deep blue sea.

so, it now begs the question - to do or not to do?

gotta think hard. and a side question now (given the high efficiency) is, when should i register if i decide to do.

heh heh...

inconsiderate family

parked my car at tampines mall basement 3 earlier on and decided to take the lift together to level 1.  a colleague was with me as i had given him a lift and i was supposed to meet bee there for dinner. the lift was fully packed with people and had little standing space left after we got in.

at basement 2, a couple and their baby stepped in. the door refused to close cos it was overloaded. the couple and the baby stepped off. the lift door closed and it went up.

at basement 1, the lift door opened, a family of 3 stepped in and stood just by the edge of the lift door. this family comprised a makcik, a pakcik (malay words for "middle aged malay woman" and "middle aged malay man" respectively) and their adult child (cannot recall if it was a son or a daughter). again, the lift door refused to close. people outside the lift noted it was overloaded and voiced out loud that it was so. this particular family just stood there and refused to move. the people outside continued to shout out loud that it was overloaded. again, this family just stood there, acted blur (local slang for "pretending ignorance") and looked left and right. sensing there was no way this family was going to step out, my colleague decided to alight and he stepped out. well, all of us had guessed, the lift continued not to move as it was still overloaded. by that time, the people inside the lift started getting agitated and half shouted to the family "hey, the lift is still overloaded". again, the family acted blur, pakcik looked onto the floor, makcik continued to act blur and looked left and right again. the child started squeezing into the lift in an attempt to get deeper into the lift. everyone got really agitated. i decided i should step out.

after i did so, the lift door closed.

my colleague and i looked at each other and we shook our head. we continued our way. i was sure that for that moment, all the occupants in the lift were so f-ing pissed off with this family. such an inconsiderate lot of people... worst still, can still act blur, and look left and right!

hmmmph!

photo from: http://www.keithnewsteadautomata.com/node/182