end of march

i am glad it's the end of march cos this is the longest month without any public holidays this year. then again, i am not glad that it is over cos it marks my 8th full months of unemployment and my decreasing competitiveness when i apply for jobs!

hmmm...

lost cash card

yesterday, while driving bee to work, the car in-vehicle unit beeped when i crossed the erp gantry at fort road. that was when i realized my cash card was missing... damned it! someone must have stole my cash card! i believed it is most likely someone from my estate cos my car had not been driven for quite a while.

argh! lta will be sending me the $10 fine very soon...

sighs!

rain rain rain

last month, it was dry dry dry and hot hot hot... everything burnt!

this month, it was wet wet wet... everything got wet!

sighs!

and of cos, not to mention, i washed my car...

yam cakes galore!

it was quite funny. last month, my ah kor passed me a whole lot of yam cakes she made. and it became my lunch for almost a week plus. and last week, bee bought 2 pieces of yam cake home. and since we were both not in the mood to snack, we kept the yam cakes in the fridge. and they became my lunch over the last 2 days. and just when i thought i was done with yam cakes, my second sis called my this morning telling her she had just made yam cake and had included my share and that she will pass it to me today...

argh!

ps: of cos, i politely declined her offer. i think i have had more than enough yam cakes for a long while!

reducing my visits

i have observed my mum to be much better these days. apart from the slow progress in her knees healing (which is no good), it was very obvious that her dementia deterioration had drastically slowed down. so, over the last 2 weeks, i had reduced my visits to her from daily to 4 times a week (2,4,6,7). i had to do this to allow me to slowly wean her off my regular visits as well as to allow me time to focus on my job search. and i think she is slowly getting used to it.

:-)

ps: her epidural had not really helped and her pain had returned. she had been told to do another 3 epidural procedures next month. akan datang.

working at temples

sometime back, the management consultancy people asked if i would consider working as an education administrator at religious outfits such as the kmspks temple. i said i was open to buddhist temples but not places of worships of other religions. this was becos i didn't want to be caught in situations where possible conflicts of interest between my own personal believes and those at work could arise. and we left it at that. and the topic of working as an administrator in kmspks temple came up again when i had dinner with alvin over the weekend. hmmm, should i? then again, would i? frankly, i did think of a few things, renumeration being one of them. and frankly, i am not sure how my views of the temple would change in the eventuality that i become an employee and not just a follower. then again, if i ever move along this route, it would probably mean the start of a new direction towards social work...

hmmm...

disturbed sleep

for whatever reasons, i found myself having disturbed sleep these days (since last week). i would doze off for a while or at most sleep for an hour or so, then i would wake up and stay awake after that... and that means i have not been able to wake up at 5.30am to do my daily walks since recovering from my flu last week!

so annoying.

hmmph!

new shoes

finally bought myself a new pair of shoes yesterday! been wanting to replace my current pair of white casual shoes but have not been able to find one suitable pair... i guessed my criteria when it comes to shoe buying is different from many people for apart from the aesthetics aspects, i also have to consider whether my orthotics can fit into the shoe and if it can, whether it still can continue to feel as comfortable.

so glad i found one such pair yesterday!

:-)

performance bonus

was pleasantly surprised when i realized i got a small performance bonus credited into my bank account 2 days back. well, it's peanuts but still it felt good to have something credited and to know that at least my previous office had remembered me for my contributions before i left (in fact, i worked my butts off!).

:-)

job applications

there has been not a single call at all this week. and this was despite sending out close to 20 applications personally (and the more than 100 sent by the consultant management company)! nonetheless, i have managed to keep up with the job application process. in addition to focusing on learning and development and training and development posts, i have also expanded my job search to include education/ training administration.

let's hope to better days.

:-)

back to the vet

sapphie has bad skin again. she recently went to the vet was put on lots of medications for her terrible rash. amongst the medication was a steriod tablet where i had to administer everyday for 5 days and after that for 5 alternate days. her rashes cleared up really well during the 5 days. but once i start to give her this medicince on alternate days, her rash return. and today, her skin got really bad again! and i had no choice but to sent her back to the vet. and we came home with more medicine on top of those she is still taking. she now has more medicine to take at any one time compared to me in my whole life. poor girl! hope she recovers soon although i am not too optimistic about it.

sighs...

yindian estate?

sometime back, i blogged about the increase of indians in my estate. and judging by the people coming to view apartments in my estate, i think very soon, the indian population will increase again. hmmm, seemed like after imposing the ethinic quota for public housing, there is an increase of indians looking for apartments in the estate... at the rate they are going, the stratification of people in the society will become more and more stark over time. public housing - along ethnic quotas (or as close as possible), private housing estates - skewed towards specific ethnic groups depending on locations. ironic rite? end of the day, the social stratifications will be rather imbalanced. let's hope this will pan out well... hmmm...

sapphie's health update

it's been 4 days since sapphie went to the vet. as of today, her ear `bubble' has softened. and this is a very good sign. it means that the blood clot is slowly easing. hopefully, over the next week or so, the clot will fully deflate. also, her itch has decreased tremendously. and her skin is beginning to heal. from tomorrow, i am suppose to slowly wean her off the steriods to allow her body to slowly take over the function of self-protection. :-)

job hunt status

thus far, i have been very selective about the companies when i sent out my application letters. nonetheless, i have been able to maintain my target of sending out about 3-5 applications per week. and as of today, i have sent out about 17-18 applications. and from the update i got from the consultant management people, they have also done cold calls and sent out my resume to about a hundred companies. looks like a whole lot of work done although frankly, i am not expecting too much from these cold calls. but whatever the case, let's see if i get calls soon.

feeling a little excited rather than depressed (i am supposed to be according to what i have read and people who spoke with me). but whatever the case, i will continue to keep searching and work towards my target of 3-5 applications each week.

push on push on!

:-)

car park lot again!

ha ha... my theory is proven correct! sometime back, i blogged abt this particular neighbour of mine who is obsessed with this particular car park lot that i used to park. well, i have not driven my car for the past month and i think he must be really hard up for the lot by now... and earlier, i drove my car out for about an hour and when i returned, tada! his car is parked in it! lol! ps: but really, fact that i am playing this cat and mouse game with him, it seemed like i am also behaving like him lo... haha! hmmm... shall let him enjoy that lot tonite for tomorrow, i will take over! ha!

tablets galore

it's funny how sapphie and i share similar regime... she's currently down with itchy skin and bloated ears. and i am down with flu. and both of us have to take lots of medication! for her, this would be her record for her whole life cos at one time, she has to down 6 tablets! you see, to do it, i have to moist my index finger tip so that the tablet would stick to it, and i would use my other hand to pry open her mouth. once her mouth opens, i would quickly push my index finger into her throat. and i have to push it deep enough so that she would not spit it out again. and boy, it wasn't easy to push in 6 tablets into her throat. but i have to do it. and thank goodness, she'd been very good and hadn't struggle so far. i guessed she has gotten used to taking medications... :-)

blind willow, sleeping woman

book i am reading now.

:-)

double standards

this is the clearest example of how the authorities will bent rules for the sake of money. disappointing...

==========
Casinos exempted from smoking ban in public spaces
SINGAPORE: Smoking is banned in most enclosed places in Singapore, but it is a different story for the two casinos at Resorts World Singapore (RWS) and the soon to be opened Marina Bay Sands.

A casino patron recently wrote to MediaCorp’s English daily TODAY, saying she was surprised to see a designated smoking area at the RWS casino.

She asked if there are any "double standards".

The decision to exclude casinos from the smoking ban came in 2008 after a year—long discussion between the National Environment Agency (NEA) and the two Integrated Resorts (IRs).

NEA said "it is a common practice for casinos in many countries to put in place house rules to designate smoking and non—smoking areas".

However, NEA also added that smoking is allowed within casino premises only if smokers "comply with the house rules set out by premise owners".

Following feedback from patrons, RWS said it is looking at better ways to keep out the smoke drift.

In the United States, imposing a non—smoking ban in casinos has generated public debate due to the high spending of patrons, many of whom are smokers.

When Alantic City imposed a ban on smoking in all its 11 casinos, several gaming halls reportedly saw a fall in their revenues.

For more on this story, read Wednesday’s edition of TODAY.

— CNA/yb

source: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/cna/20100323/tap-395-casinos-exempted-smoking-ban-pub-231650b.html

mojo book

book i am reading now!

:-)

passport photo again

yesterday i posted about how i selected the coat, shirt and tie for my passport photo. well, today, i went to collect my photo. when i arrived, the lady was talking to an elderly men inside the studio. once she saw me, she rush out and quickly pulled me to the side and whispered to me "hey hey, 你选那个coat & tie的人就是他啊!!!". she then quickly pulled out my completed pictures halfway, allowed me to verify it was correct and then quickly sealed the envelop! what a coincidence! and haha! it was so funny! :-)

job applied

finally, i have sent in my application for the institute of higher learning job. donno why, but reading about this particular position makes me excited. let's hope for the best.

:-)

flu again

i caught the flu bug!

so for the meantime, i cannot visit mum in case i infect her with my flu. have learned my lesson since the last time she caught the bug from me couple of months back. she got hospitalized for pneumonia after that. i cannot afford to let this happen again. she is an old and frail person. every bout of flu has the potential risk of fatality. sighs... also, these few days, i will have to temporarily stop my 5.45am waking up routine. i think i need to rest my body well before i push on again.

baby kingfisher

today, while walking sapphie at the canal, i noticed a baby kingfisher in the canal. it had apparently dropped off its nest somewhere and could not get out of the canal. it tried to fly but it's wings had not fully developed and it certainly looked pretty pitiful. and i wondered if i should save the kingfisher or to just let it be. my options were

• save it. but this would mean i risk killing more lives. i happened to have my phone with me and did a quick search in the net. and i read that i need to feed it with live worms or fresh-water fishes. then again, where the hell do i get fresh water fishes? as for live worms, well, i could buy them from the bird shop. but still, i had to kill so many more lives in order to save one.

• let it be. and hope it survives. hmmm, tricky, thus far, all birds i have come across that had dropped off their nest die eventually. it is perhaps nature's way of selecting the fittest and death is but one of the way to get rid of those who could not make it.

i weighed the options. the first one would be the most tricky for i had to co-ord a whole lot of logistics work to be able to get into the canal (that was over 2m deep!) and the second one would be rather sad. it was such a little bird. and so i decided that i would try to save the bird after dinner and went home. after dinner, bee and i managed to get a ladder and drove down to the canal. sapphie came along to join in the adventure. i had prepared a pail lined with newspaper and cloth to let the bird rest. when we arrived, i realized i had underestimated the depth of the canal and the ladder was too short. hmmmph! and so, we used sapphie's leash and suspended the ladder from the railing while i climbed down. and i must say, sapphie looked pretty nervous to see me in the canal. she was running up and down along the side and kept looking at me. anyway, i managed to leap off the suspended ladder and landed in the canal. i looked around and walked up and down the little stretch where i had last seen little kingfisher. alas, the bird was no longer there. sighs... after all the trouble. such an anti-climax. well, at least i have tried. and i must say the little adventure was rather interesting. i hope little kingfisher is alive and well... ps: i think i sprained my back when i jumped off the ladder...

sapphie's ear

sapphie's skin had been flaking and itching quite bad recent months. the itch doesn't seem to go off. they would come back once i finish her medication. and her skin would redden again. as per what all dogs do, when she itches, she would scratch herself. and when the itch occurs on her head and where she could not reach with her hind legs, she would shake her head vigorously. 4 weeks ago, i found a bubble sized of a 10cent coin formed on her left ear tip. i got worried and wanted to bring her to the vet. but on further researching in the internet, i learned that this was due to the bursting of her ear's blood vessels due to vigorous head shaking. and it will go away by itself. alternatively, i could sent her to the vet to have the blood clot removed but this would leave her ears disfigured. hmmm... i decided to leave it alone. and sure enough, a week later, the bubble diappeared. nonetheless, her left ear is a little crooked now. well... que sera sera... the ear healed, but not the itch. sapphie continued her scratching and head shaking... and 2 weeks ago, i felt a super big bubble the size of a 20cent coin in her right ear! i decided to just leave it alone again for i believed it would subside just as it did the right ear. but i was wrong. she continued shaking her head. and two days ago, the bubble expanded further! that was when i decided i should sent her to the vet and i did so today. the vet explained to me that her condition is called aural hepatoma or blood clot in the ear. i was told i had 3 options - (1) to give her medication and hope for the swell to subside, (2) to do a minor local pierce and squeeze out the blood, then tie her ear to her head to prevent the blood from forming again and to repeat this for 2-3 weeks till she recovers, or (3) to do a surgery to get rid of the blood and to stitch up her wound to prevent future occurence. the first option carries no guarantee that it would heal, the second option has no guarantee that it will not recur as the ear tissue had been damaged and the third option needs to be done under g.a. and carries the possibility of fatality given her age. common to all option is that her ear shape is already damaged and she had to be given lots of other medications to clear her skin. well, it looked like i had no choice... it was either option 1 or 2. 3 is definitely out for me. cosmetic op with the possibility of death! no way! in the end, after some discussion, we opted to do option 1 and to escalate it to option 2 if she did not show any sign of recovery. the doctor also advised that her condition could be due to the fact that she might have developed some allergy to her food. and suggested that i might want to consider putting her on hypoallergenic diet once her skin clears. well, that is what i intend to do....

passport photos

today, i felt almost like i was making a tombstone photo for myself. hahaha! well, not quite, but the process i went through was exactly the same. read on!

you see, i recently wanted to apply for a position in one of the institute of higher learning. and when i visited the job application site, i was told i needed to download the application form, fill in the details and sent it in together with photostated copies of my certificates, testimonials and what have yous... wah piangzzz, so leh-cheh... anyway, i downloaded the form and to my horrors, it is a field-protected soft copy of a word document and that means i cannot delete fields that were not relevant. and to make things even more leh-cheh, i also found that i was not able to insert a soft copy of my photo before i print it out... and that means i have to go and take photos at the studio. aiyoh! talk about inefficiencies. so, i spent some good time last week filling in the details, organising all my certificates, testimonials etc, got them photostated, and this afternoon, i decided to get my passport photos taken at the photo studio. all these done with the intention of sending in my application today.

my previous experiences with photo studios were that they have shirts and ties for you to put on and that i can get the photos instantly. so, assuming that i could get the same service, i made my way to the studio in marine parade in a round neck t-shirt. i reached the shop, walked into the studio, powdered my face a little (to minimize the oil on my face so that i would look fresher) and then i realized to my horrors and disappointment that they did not have any shirts that i could put on. damned it! i thought. wearing a round neck t-shirt for a photo to be used in my job application will surely screw me up. but since i had made all my way there and even powdered my face, i decided to go ahead as i did not want to further delay the application process. click. click. click. and soon enough, the photos were taken. then came the next surprise, it will cost me $7 for 4 instant photos or 8 with the soft copy at $10 but i would have to wait for one day of processing. oh well, i thought, one day difference and i could get the soft copy... so why not. i paid up and i left.

and as i walked out, i thought "hey! if it is in soft copy, will it not be possible for them to photoshop a shirt onto me?" heh heh. and i went back again and asked. and guessed what!? the shop attendant actually said she could but on condition that i wouldn't mind `using' someone else's body. i agreed. and next thing i knew, she went into her database, pulled out lots of photos of people in shirts. one by one she clicked. and as she clicked, i noticed there were also pictures of people with ties too. and i asked if i could use those instead. affirmative! good! and she went through them... one by one. old people. older people. even older people! but what struck me was that these people really had no sense of colours and for those who had properly matched ties and shirt, the tie was tied rather horribly! then she asked me "do you want to have coat on?" oh, well. might as well! heh heh. "ok!" i replied enthusiastically. and so, she started pulling out photos of people with coat and tie. again, it was old people, older people, even older people! well you got the idea. for that moment, i got the feeling i was walking along the corridor of a columbarium looking at who's who resting in peace in their urns. then it struck me! wow! the whole process of actually picking the coat, shirt and tie was exactly what i went through when i did up my dad's columbarium picture. exactly the same! and for that very moment, i thought "wow! how interesting! i am making my own photo for my tombstone!" hahaha!

choy! choy! choy!

:-)

disastrous dinner

i never liked to organise dinners or outings. but this week, i made the effort to organise a dinner with my uni friends since we have not had any gathering over the past weeks. the dinner was held last evening and it turned out horribly wrong. half couldn't make it. the usual latecomer was early and she was in a foul mood. in fact, it seemed that in recent times, she had been very irritable, impatient, and quick-tempered.

anyway, it was about 5 minute before our appointed time to meet and as i was about to arrive i recieved a call from her telling me she would queue up first. i told her there would be 4 of us and she replied "whatever" and just hung up. it did not sound right. and i hated it when i was made to face a black face when i arrived. and i felt uneasy when she chided the waitress for allowing others in first only to later find out that they had made prior reservations. also, when asked about my job-hunt, i shared that i had not met with any success yet and almost immediately, she responded that i had not tried hard enough, that there are so many teaching jobs and how come i did not even want to consider them and so on... i felt superbly offended with such a response when she did not even know the extent i went through. it was certainly not easy trying to hold my composure during this tense conversation.

i did not enjoy the dinner. having such questions and comments from people i had known for so long was very hurting. it spoilt my whole evening. and for once in a very long time, i sat through a dinner with a fake smile on my face.

ps: she smsed her apologies for being judgemental in the middle of the night.

talking about others

there are things that i have learnt in my life about how i should speak of another person in front of other people. and some of these guidelines that i think would do very well include firstly, speaking objectively and not sensationalizing any issue/ fact. secondly, if asked of any opinion of another person, always either speak good things of him/ her. and if there is really nothing good to say, then make it neutral or best of all, don't say anything. thirdly, never assume you know the other persons' comfort zone with regards what he/ she is ready to divulge of his habits, his behaviour, etc to others. the point is, the comfort zone with you cannot be taken as the same as the comfort zone with other people. the golden rule of thumb is to never ever say anything that you think is gonna make that person upset or embarrassed in front of others.

and i am saying all these becos i was made to feel superbly embarrassed yet again last evening in front of my friends. and what i did over a short period of time was made to sound like it was done as a habit over an extended period of time. i totally hate the feeling and often the only response i know when faced with such situations is to get angry and lost control of myself. admittedly, i did not relate well to the incident yesterday. i could have managed it better too.

death on mrt track

the train was fast approaching my station and i was getting ready to alight. suddenly the mrt train stopped. all of us in the train thought it was just waiting for the train ahead to clear off totally before it move into the station and didn't paid much heed to this momentary halt. but before we knew it, the lights went off... and then the train's engine got switched off... and that was when we all started looking around. everyone was looking everywhere and no where... and a voice rang through the speaker "there had been an incident, the train will be delayed. we apologize for the delay." it went. it was rather funny to see everyone suddenly whipping out their handphone and start making calls or texting someone. and from the looks of it, most looked pretty flustered by the delay. but there was nothing everyone could do except to just wait. some moments later, we were all told to move towards the first 2 carriages. apparently, half the train had actually moved into the station and the station operators had opened the doors of the carriages and allowed passengers to alight.

once i walked out of the carriage, it became clear that something bad had happened. the station platform was totally congested. people were crowding around a particular carriage. one auntie was standing next to it and asking her kid (a boy no older than 4-5 yrs old) to search under the carriages to see if he could catch a glimpse of a dead body. i could hear whispers about someone jumping onto the track onto the on-coming train (that i was in). from the looks of things, it seemed that person must have died. anyway, i did not want to add to the crowd and made my way out of the station to catch my onward transport. within minutes, the civil defence guys and an ambulance arrived. some 5-6 civil defence guys could be seen jumping onto the track and trying to extricate something (or someone i supposed). i did not wait for the unfolding drama and made my way home.

i have seen people die unnaturally/ attempt suicides many times over the past few years. it was sad when such things happen. but like it or not, when one reaches a point where there seems no other viable way to go, death might probably seemed the best answer. but to me, such actions are stupid and irresponsible. death will not solve any problems. in fact, it could make things worst. it would have been better to be brave, stand up and face the issue. in life, it is such that when one door closes, one will open. and i am very sure of that. and i know becos i had been there and i had almost crossed the line myself. i was glad i pulled myself back in time.

lousy bus journey

been taking mrt for the past month and had generally not much issue with foreign workers/ foreign talents. i cannot distinguish them from locals if they keep their mouth shut. last evening, i decided to take a bus instead as i thought it would be a nice change. and so i boarded bus no 2 from outside my place for my trip to victoria street. it was a journey that left me in shock. and needless to say, i did not enjoy the journey. the two key things that marred my bus ride experience stood out:

• first, it was an inconsiderate singaporean (or so i thought judging from his behaviour and mannerism). you see, the bus was relatively empty. i went up to the upper deck. all the double seats were occupied by at least one person. so i decided i shan't move to the back and took a seat beside this 50-plus year old slim built chap. when i sat down, he turned his head and gave me a dirty what-the-fuck look. i did not bother. but what i did not take too well was the fact that he chose to sit in such that his buttocks `overflowed' onto my seat and he tilted his body towards the window. to him, this spineless sotong-trying-to-sit-up posture might just do well to allow him to rest, but i felt he was being inconsiderate. he did not even move his buttock back into his seat even after i sat down! i decided to just ignore him. and just as i was about to settle down, i get two local chinese talking. well, nothing wrong with that really. they kept their voice down. but i was irritated by the irritating effect given that their pitch was low, real low and this was set against the international setting around me... read on...

• second, it was the bloody loud and noisy non-singaporeans/ foreign talents. apparently, it seemed like the majority of people in the upper deck came from all over asia. it was easy to recognise them cos they were dressed very differently. and wat was superbly annoying was the fact that all behave like they were in a wet market. it was very noisy and it seemed everyone was trying to outdo each other's loudness. and this whole fiasco was made worst by the fact that the noise comprised a whole lot of languages that i was not familiar with. first there were a whole lot of mainland chinese who either spoke in mandarin (complete with all the twurling and twisting of their tongue) or in their local dialect which i totally did not understand. and then, seated to their back were a whole lot of southern asians whom i believed were bangladeshi-workers. and then there were a small group of southern chinese malaysians speaking in their malay-accented mandarin. and to complete the picture, i had 2 local indians, each seated in their own double seat half shouting to each other in tamil. but well, i must at least say that these indians at least sounded singaporean to me. but on the whole, i felt almost like a minority in my own country for that short moment. ironic. and it was then that i fully understood why many are complaining about too many foreigners in the country.

it was a lousy ride. lots of things went through my mind during the journey. i had a lot of mixed feelings. i missed the singapore that i knew.

mrt seats

went to visit my mum yesterday and when i walked into the mrt at the jurong east interchange, an indian chap got up from his seat and offered it to me. it took me by surprise. i said no, it's ok. but he insisted i take the seat and before i knew it, he stood up, moved to the door and stood there. i had no choice but to sit down. lots of people were staring at me by then. it was so embarrassing...

but thinking back, i thought i was so funny. we always asked people to be gracious and offer their seats to people whom we think might need it more. in this case, the indian chap could have thought i needed it more than him (i was carrying a bag). but it turned out i felt embarrassed by his actions. heh... i supposed when we want to be gracious, we also need to be sensitive and hope that the person we want to be gracious to is ready to accept our gracious act...

:-)

blog diarrhea

i think today i got blog diarrhea... after a few days of not posting, today i posted a total of 10 posts (including this)!

:-)

tennis elbow yet again

my tennis elbow is working up again! must have been my job search!

arghhhh... it''s killing me!

:-(

my sis' laundry

my sis' washing machine konked out over the last weekend. and so, she came over to use my washing machine. and becos her laundry was like tonnes and tonnes of it daily, i told her to just leave it and i'll do it for her. so, over the past few days, i had been busy being the laundry man. whew... 2-3 loads of washing machine worth of clothes daily! and not to mention the drying and the folding... woh! laundry can be quite time consuming and tough! thank goodness i only do one major wash a week!

:-)

ps: her washing machine has finally been repaired and i need not do her laundry anymore!

taking public transport

i have been taking public transport for the last 3 weeks or so. and i have not fill up any petrol during this period. and i can see the good out of this effort. for a start, i can catch up with all the reading when i am on the train. secondly, i can people watch. and wooooohhh, there were certainly lots of interesting things to see. and of cos, i manage to safe on petrol cost... of cos i rewarded myself with good food and new work clothes!

i am beginning to enjoy taking public transport!

:-)

waking up early

after getting so inspired following my reading of the monk who sold his ferrari, i have started waking up at 5.30-5.45am daily. and i would go for my morning walk and deep breathing exercises at the changi business park. and my day seemed longer. i have more time. i think i am healthier. most importantly, i feel good about it. i think i will just keep up with this routine! :-)

fatty liver & kidney stone

went for my medical appointment at the polyclinic. it was a follow up after my abdomen scan last month. was told that i have fatty liver. otherwise, my pancreas and gall bladder are ok. not a major issue (yet). the scan also showed a 3mm stone in my left kidney. this was similar to what the uro center found last year. again, no need to be too worried abt it. for now, to just monitor. next round, i will be going for my hep b and cholesterol test again... hep b is needed cos my family has a history of liver cancer and liver chirrosis. so better play safe. akan datang!

crazy 2 weeks

think i must be too tired or going crazy. just these 2 weeks, i used the wrong toilet and wore my shirt inside out and this evening, i tried to go down an escalator that was coming up! what the fish is happening to me? T&#^&%(*)&*^%$^#^&%&)(*(&^%&$#^&**_+_)(_(&^*&

epidural

mum finally went for her epidural for her back pain yesterday. i was glad the whole procedure went without a hitch. as of today, she said her pain has disappeared. let's hope she stays this way.

:-)

job search

have thus far applied for 12-13 jobs. and of these, 3 posts have been taken. that means i am not successfull. awaiting for the other 9-10 to reply. also, today, recieved an email from ntu about a position of senior asst director. looks very interesting. feeling excited abt it already! will be following up with the nec application soon!

:-)

inside out

woke up early, went for my morning walk, came home, changed up in the dark... rushed out, took a bus and change to mrt en route to the polyclinic for my medical appt, and after my medical appointment, took the mrt to my mum's place... and as i walked to the block, i felt something pricked my elbow... it was the washing guideline tag of my tee-shirt... and then i realized i had worn my tee shirt inside out the whole morning!

arghhhhhhh... so embarrassing!

job week

i just saw a scout going around fulfilling his duties for the scouts job week. there is nothing wrong with this. but what i find funnily disturbing was the fact that this scout brought his maid along.

hmmm...

female toilet

damned it! i walked into the toilet, saw an auntie cleaning the floor, found all the doors locked, walked to the last cubicle and pee-ed, and just before i walked out of the cubicle, i realized i was in the wrong toilet!

the thing was, i was so engrossed thinking of something (cannot recall what it was) that i did not even realized i had walked into the woman's toilet! but after the whole incident, every questions that came to mind i had as i pee-ed became so clear. questions like - how come there was no urinal in the toilet? how come all the toilet doors were locked? since all the toilet doors were locked, how come there was no sound of urine streams hitting the water in the toilet bowl? (frankly for a moment, i thought there were gaymen inside cruising) how come there was a superbly long hair (more than 30cm and well, not curly!) by the floor by toilet bowl?...

and i only realized it was the female toilet when i pieced everything together, just as i squeezed out the last drop of pee! and i told myself i was in deep shit and really really prayed hard no one was outside... i took a deep breathe and open the cubicle door and next think i knew, 2 ladies were queuing for their turn!

and well, i screwed up my whole face, trying to look embarrassed and trying very hard to look like i had made the worst possible mistake! but i guessed the effect my appearance had on the lady queuing up was worst! she saw me, her eyes went wide opened and she place two hands over her mouth and gasped... and i just quickly walked out!

i really wished i was dead at that point in time! wtf!

and thinking back now, the ladies in the other cubicles would probably be wondering how come the person in the last cubicle had pee-ed like a man... so much sound of water jetting into the toilet bowl! hahahaha!

bee & i

know something? bee and i have always been using bert and ernie to represent ourselves. and we do this becos we have similar features. for example, i have thick eye brows and a long face whereas bee's face is relatively square and his eye brows are thinner. so...

ha ha...

goldfish dead

my blind goldfish has finally died. may he/ she or it rest in peace.

blind goldfish

i used to have 2 one-eyed goldfishes following their being terrorised by one particular gangster goldfish. one had died and only one survived. it's been 6 months since he (or she or it... watever) had it's eye dug out. and tis morning, i discovered to my horrors that his (or her or its'...) other remaining eye had also been gorged out. and so for the most of today, i have one totally blind goldfish swimming weakly in the tank blind. i am not optimistic about it's chance of surviving past this evening. it was weak this morning, and by this afternoon, it was already swimming upside down. and looking at it, i thought it had died and wanted to remove and dispose it. but when i lifted it out, it started gasping weakly for air. i had to put it back into the tank. i am now counting down the final moments. will it be in terms of minutes? or hours? or worst still, days? i really don't know. but all i know is that he/ she/ it is suffering. and it is during times like this that i feel helpless and wonder if mercy killing is the right thing to do. then again on second thoughts, i shall leave it to die on it's own. i do not think i should be playing god. am i doing the right thing? :-(

my career transition journey update

it's been 6 months since i left service. and i think it is a good time to recap what i had gone thru and consolidate as i charge ahead.

family
i had made my family one of my main aim during this period of unemployment and as it stands, things couldn't have been better. during this period, my brother got married and our relationship improved quite a bit. my relationship with my sisters remained status quo. as for mum, since i left service, she had undergone the knee replacement surgery, suffered a few bouts of pneumonia and diagnosed with early stage dementia. the daily visits that i do to engage her and to massage her had been useful in slowly down her dementia. and this has been the most meaningful thing for me. i am glad i made the decision to take this break and spent time with her. this will be one of the key thing i will remember in life.

career
since signing up for the programme some 3-plus months back (coming to 4 i think), i have been thru a whole series of activities including some psychoanalysis tests, resume writing, career coaching, and now finally the process of career placement. this last part involves some rather intense job search efforts on my part in the visible market and friends while the consultant management side focuses on circulating my resume to headhunters and their network. it has been a rather tedious process but i do admit finding myself slowing down my momentum after the past few weeks of job search. i guessed my procrastination mode has crept up again. and probably the daily visits to visit my mum using public transport saps me of my energy... heh... i think i will need to push myself a little more on this front.

personal
personally, i had committed a lot more focus on my physical and spiritual health. i can say all these efforts have also paid off. the initial health scares turned to be false alarms. nonetheless, it was a good reminder that i should not take my health for granted and that i should eat well, rest well and maintain a good and healthy lifestyle. today, i am very much more rested and healthy. as for spiritual health, after more than a decade of non-action, i finally took refuge. i also attended a series of meditation classes and learned the basics of how to do meditation. i am sure this will contribute to my own betterment and further calm myself and help me focus my energy on positive actions over time.

psychologically, i had been warned that i will face depression, i will face disappointment, etc as i go through my job hunting process. but frankly, i have not really felt disappointed or depressed. perhaps just a little worried about how long more i would take before i achieve some constant income input again. but certainly, i am not depressed, not yet. i am still hopeful and i am still mentally prepared to remain unemployed for the next half year plus. so, from tis perspective, if i could land myself a job within the next 6 months, i would still be within my target! and looking at it from this perspective, i am still ok. (actually, i had initially wanted to give myself 2 years break but decided that 1 yr would be more than enough!)

financially, i had made an review of my finance planning and re-balanced quite a bit of my commitments and coverage. i need to start to project my needs and harmonise my immediate needs with my medium and long term demands. and as of today, barring any sudden change in demands, things are still unfolding according to my plan. but i can expect myself to do some major overhaul of my finances soon. my housing loan lock in period will end next month. that means i can start considering re-financing. but considering my employment status, i think the bank would probably not allow me to do so! heh heh... so, i can expect myself to be looking for a job and once i got my new job, i should start to immediately refinance my housing loan, and probably even buying a hdb flat! heh heh... lots of things to do once the job-front is settled.

personal development-wise, i have been doing a lot of self-reflections and reading. other than two or three recent books, the bulk of the books i had read were fictional and did not really contribute much to my own personal development (or perhaps, they helped me learn to write better? heh heh). but i am gradually moving my reading interest to cover more topics such as leadership and motivational books that are more directly related to my personal development. the reading of some of these books have motivated me to relook at how i spent my days and motivated me to live my life in a more disciplined and focused manner. i aim to continue to read more of such books in the days to come.

ok, shall stop here. need to go back to my routine and to focus again on my job hunting process!

:-)

meeting w/ headhunter

had a meeting with a senior headhunter today. did not know what to expect as it was my first time.

it was an eye opener. and it was a superbly lousy process to go through. the meeting started with me going through my work history, my strength etc. and after some questions and answers, he said that despite all i said, i lack commercial experiences. and he said commercial companies would be risking themselves if they hire me. and even if they have vacancies, there would be many out there who were more qualified than me. also, he told me i might just want to not focus my search on commercial companies. instead, i should simply focus on government or government-linked companies. and he told me that despite all the right reasons i gave about taking a break, i should not have done so. by taking a break, i had done myself harm. i would find it very hard to find a new job. and my cv would be broken. in fact, everything that he told me sounded very gloomy. and at some point in time, i felt very small and worthless. and at the end of it all, he told me he did not have anything for me. and even if he did, he said it would probably not fit my credentials.

what he said all seemed to suggest my objectives i had set for myself during my job search was wrong. and in a huge way, the meeting was a huge dampener. many of the things he said contradicts what i was taught over the last few months. and i felt lousy quite a few times. but at the end of it all, i was glad i had the meeting. it was a good learning experience. and i was glad he was frank with me. people who are sincere and care about you are the ones who tell you about you in an unadulterated manner. i had to know where i stand and be told about it. there is no need to sugar things up and paint good pictures to me. i did not fully agree with some of the things he said, but i accept them. that was his perspective. he need not have shared them with me. there was no reasons for him to do so. and for that, i truly appreciated it.

at the end of the meeting, he gave me some names of who's who in some glcs for me to consider writing to. and he gave me some pointers as to how i could make my resume more crisp and effective. so all in all, net net, i took away a lot of learning from this afternoon's meeting. and i was glad it happened.

:-)

volunteer teacher

after my recent application to be a volunteer teacher at the temple, i finally had the chance to meet up the venerable for an interview. and it was certainly a very interesting interview.

as i said, with nothing to expect and nothing to gain except to volunteer my services in anyway the temple deemed fit, there was no stress. and my answers to the venerable's questions were quick, candid and sometimes against her expectations... and at times, i thought she was kinda shock by my answers eg, when she asked me what was it i learned about myself the most after knowing more about buddhism, i told her i learned that i was really stupid. she was kinda dumbfounded, but after a split second, she laughed, and of course, i went on to elaborate my answers. overall, she took my answers well... and i thought it was a very fun interview. it was more like a chat with a friend. the interview ended with the venerable asking me if could start teaching from mid-june onwards. i readily agreed. so... heh heh... looks like i will be very busy in the coming months!

:-)

90 days

book i am reading now.

:-)

touting @ lau pa sat

went for dinner with bee and jay this evening at lau pa sat and wohhhhh... the touting was really really world-class! it was so so so much worst than that at newton circus. we arrived early to wait for jay and decided to take a walk around the market. and we were stalked by 2 ah-sohs the very minute we stepped into lau pa sat and they actually followed us as we meandered through the different sections of the market! i almost turned around and tell them to stop following us! in the end, we decided to just walk away from lau pa sat and wait for him at hong leong building!

the monk again!

it is not often that i repost any post. but this time round, i am doing so. and this is purely becos i intend to re-read this wonderful, motivating and very inspirational book. during my first read, i found so many quotes worth highlighting but decided i would do so later... and now, i cannot do so if i do not re-read the whole book! this is one of the very few books where i found myself smiling a lot as i read. and i think i must have looked pretty foolish in the mrt smiling to myself continuously! i'd seriously recommend it to anyone who wants to get your own lives going!

:-)

burnt air vs smogging

past few days, i did not do my laundry cos of the lingering burnt smell in the air. today, it cleared and i finally did my laundry. and after hanging up my clothes, the pest smoggers came along.

damned it!

heh heh...

dude n bro

i am not sure why, but i always cringe when people calls me `bro' or `dude'. i do not know why. perhaps it is becos i do not see myself fit in to the image that i tend to associate these terms with. let me explain.

i know the term `bro' means `brother' and is usually uttered as a term of endearment. but, still, it gives me a rather awkward feel. perhaps it is the image of malays that i have associated this term with. and no, before you run away with the thinking that i mean something bad, it's not. not in a bad way, rather, it is in a special and familiar warm way. it's almost at the same level as the `yo brudder!' kinda way if you know what i mean. and unless you and i are close enough, i do not think i will feel comfortable for this term to be used on me. then again, if you and i are close enough, you will not call me `bro'. heh... as for `dude', well, i also do not know why i cringe when people calls me that. i associate the term with someone who is rough and tough, someone who is a studly jock or worst still, even someone who is none of the above yet tries too hard to project that image. and i certainly do not see myself as such.

no logic rite? well, yup, but that's me. so, if you need to call me, just call me by my name... and of cos terms like `dear', `hon', `love', `sayang', etc... i sure am ok, especially when it is used in the correct context and when appropriate. hahahaha!

:-)

ps: aunties selling malay kuehs used the term `sayang' v often. same goes for `love' in many western countries. and i am so pretty ok with them!

the monk who sold his ferrari

book i am reading now.

this is a link to a quick review of the book.

:-)