Grateful: Gay Haunts

I thought the title “Gay Haunts” kinda fit today’s post. Here’s why...

• AM @ CBP. Similar to other days, it was an easy day that started with a morning walk around the business park next to my estate. Despite waking up a tad later than usual, I still managed to get in a decent walk and morning exercises. Now, the park where I walk is notorious for being a gay cruising haunt at night. The “activities” can start as early as 9-ish in the evening and go on till late into the night. But these days, since I started walking early in the morning, I have also begun seeing people hanging around (read: cruising) into the early morning hours. Once, a guy even stripped bare at the roundabout in front of me when the sky had already brightened. So daring of him, I thought. Anyway, I saw him there again this morning. He has since learned to ignore me, since I don’t respond to his nudity or cruising. Well...

• PM @ TM Beach. I decided to cycle to East Coast during lunch. It was a warm day and I got a nice tan. I had not cycled since bringing the bicycle home early last year, so it was an interesting experience for me. I wasn’t sure which route to take and decided to simply head towards East Coast via Tanah Merah (TM) Beach. I was quite pleased with myself when I reached the beach in less than half an hour. Now, TM Beach is known within gay circles as a place where some would head for nude tans. As I cycled past, I noticed workers clearing the shrubs and bushes. It didn’t look quite possible for anyone to be tanning in the nude. Or so I thought... until I spotted an elderly guy, probably in his late 60s or 70s, lying face-up and tanning in the nude at the breakwater. So daring of him, I thought. Anyway, I saw some nice wild Sansevieria plants (snake plant) by the beach and took one home. I left after that.

• Evening @ MR Toilet. In the evening, I visited Upper Thomson to buy some perlite for the Sansevieria plant that I had collected by the beach earlier. I visited 2 nurseries but did not manage to get everything I needed, so I decided to leave. I was still feeling warm from the afternoon sun and decided to walk to MacRitchie Reservoir (MR) a short distance away. I used to shower at the MR toilet after my walks and it always refreshed me. When I arrived, it was deserted and I had a really nice cold shower. Just as I was leaving, I noticed several gay men arriving. It wasn’t difficult to identify those who were cruising, as many would walk around with roving eyes and carry a bottle of mineral water. MR toilet used to be a cruising hotspot and many voyeurs would hang around. It has since quietened down after CCTVs were installed. I was surprised that the place was still teeming with men cruising. So daring of them, I thought. I left them to their game.

So it is probably a natural thought that I should title this entry: “Gay Haunts”. That aside, I am grateful for the relaxing pace, the peace, the wild Sansiveira plant, and the interesting sights. Sights that, in their own way, allowed me to reminisce about days gone by. And truth be told, these sights don’t titillate me to the extent they once did. Perhaps that’s what age does to you. 

LOL...

Hazy Skies (again)

The haze in Singapore has gone into the unhealthy range again. Certainly reminds me of the super hazy period back in 2015… although I must qualify - the 2015 haze was another league altogether! But frankly, apart from the smog and the light burning smell, I thought the skies look somewhat nice. The orange sun, the blurry buildings in the distance… it almost look like a cold misty winter morning! Heh heh… no, I’m no delusional. It’s just that since I can’t control the haze, I might as well make the best out of it, even as I take precautionary measures for my health. 

Right?

Retirement & I

I read a blog by RB reflecting on his post-working life and it got me thinking of my own journey too. My "retirement" journey, that is. I have placed the word "retirement" in parentheses because I do not define retirement in the "traditional sense" - where one stops working professionally after decades of work. It is too narrowly defined, imo. To me, retirement is a state of mind - a state where one is financially stable and does what is meaningful to him. This definition is independent of work. As such, one can be working (or otherwise) and still be considered retired.

In Sgp, the current retirement age is 64 and this will be increased to 65 by 2030. For me, I told myself that I would want to continue working even after my retirement age. And I would work for the engagement, and not for the salary. This is important to me because, as a single gay person, apart from a couple of close friends, working is an important means to keep engaged with the community and society at large. It keeps one emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. 

This underpinned my decision to become a freelancer, and freelance in roles that are meaningful to me. This made me think deeply about "what is meaningful to me". It made me reflect on my purpose in life. It was a difficult thought process that took me years to crystallise. The latest articulation of it is simply this: to be able to help people and society. With this thought, the choice of what I wanted to do became clearer. I would be a coach, a mentor and a trainer. These are roles where I can help people, share my experiences, and support people as they navigate life, professionally or personally.

I am a realist when it comes to age. Like it or not, the society we live in is an ageist one. And as an HR person, I am very well aware that when people (read: employers) see the "6" in front of your age, whatever value you can contribute to them will take a backseat, and your resume gets put away. So I left my corporate life end-2023, at the age of 57 to prepare myself. To be a coach, trainer and mentor, there were skills, certifications and networks that I needed to establish. And I needed to get all these settled by the time I reached 60. 

I am now 3 months shy of 60. I have obtained the necessary certifications and I have established myself as a qualified trainer, a professional coach and a mentor. The training companies I have signed up with recognise my value and come to me when there are projects. I have the prerogative to accept or decline the projects when they are offered. For coaching, I have been doing it on a pro-bono basis, as and when my base of clients comes to me. Although the frequency is not as high as training, the coaching sessions have been deeply meaningful. The same goes for mentoring.

When I talk about retirement, it goes beyond just work and keeping engaged. There are tangibles, such as finances, housing, and so on that must be considered. I am grateful that the financial audit I did before leaving corporate gave me a clarity of how much I actually need - operational cost, in corporate lingo. This provided me with the basis to accept or reject training opportunities. I just need to train enough to sustain my lifestyle without needing to dip into my savings. It has worked wonderfully well for me thus far. I am, of course, definitely more conscious of my spending these days. But that is a good thing. I am in control of it.

On a broader scale, I have also considered the longer-term financial aspects, such as CPF and housing. After a long thought process, I am ready to liquidate my current apartment and move to public housing. I have already started the application process. The aim is to purchase one at a location of my choice. If the application is successful, the construction will take 3-plus years, and I should be able to move in when I am 63, or latest 64. My CPF LIFE will kick in at 65. With these tangible aspects in place, I am reasonably confident I have put myself in a financially comfortable position for the rest of my life.

What I have captured above are, in many ways, the easier aspects of post-corporate life planning. What is probably the most challenging for me is my sense of self-identity. I have alluded to it when I mentioned "purpose" earlier. For the longest time in my life, my identity had been closely linked to my professional identity. Leaving corporate, having time in my own hands, forced me to revisit my identity and the whole purpose in life.

What am I? Who am I?

Thinking deeply about my purpose also forced me to look at my beliefs and my values. It took me a long while to look inwards and re-examine myself. I am sure my "purpose" will morph as time passes, and with it, my daily habits and lifestyle. But I am not in a rush. After all, time is what I have now. And I give myself permission to take my time as I relearn about myself, to relax, to pursue my hobbies, to work, to go on holidays, or, simply, to do nothing. Importantly, what is most meaningful to me is to be aware, to live in the present moment, to be grateful, to be compassionate to others and to self, and to live life mindfully.

Ultimately, it’s my life and I decide how I live it. I am in control. I define what retirement is and...

I retire on my terms.

Grateful 13 Jun: Tiring But Meaningful

I want to keep today's journal short and to the point. 

It was a simple day spent distributing the nonya changs I had made. The journey took me to Simei, Hougang, and Clementi before I finally made my way home. It was certainly a tiring day travelling across the island. Despite feeling tired, I decided to make the effort to complete my daily steps before calling it a day. 

On this note, let me give thanks to those who took the time to meet me, for Singapore's efficient transport system, and for the smooth journeys throughout the day. Above all, I am grateful for the opportunity to meet and catch up with my eldest sister, my brother-in-law, St, and D. It was a tiring day, but also a meaningful one. 

I am glad that I completed the distribution early this year, ahead of the actual Duanwu Jie (or 端午节, Dragon Boat Festival) on 19 June. In doing so, I can now focus my attention and energies on my training preparations and other work-related commitments in the coming weeks. 

With this, I close my commemoration of Duanwu Jie 2026.

Grateful 5 Jun: A Nice Day Out

Went for a hike at Lower Peirce this morning with D. 

Was a spontaneous decision. It was a short walk but I was totally exhausted when it ended. It didn’t help that I didn’t have a good night sleep. I was grateful for the many little things that made today enjoyable: the seamless transport, the prata breakfast that perked me up before the walk, the shady boardwalk, and the refreshing drink afterwards. Back home, a cold shower felt wonderful, but above all, I was grateful for D’s company.

It was a nice day!

Grateful 1 & 2 Jun: Restoration

Time flies, and it is already June. Much has happened over the past couple of weeks - completing a series of training programmes, T's passing, and no longer needing to make daily visits to the hospice to see him. Suddenly, I find myself with a lot of time to fill. Over these 2 days, I decided to simply be spontaneous, and perhaps things have begun to settle into a new normal. Either way, these past 2 days were spent catching up with life. For that, I am grateful.

• Make Space, Let Go. D gifted me a potted plant last week, and I simply placed it on my balcony. I shifted a few existing pots around to make space for it and thought nothing more of it. But yesterday, after my morning kopi o kosong, I decided to work on my balcony garden properly. As a result, I spent a large part of the day gardening - discarding my ginger, turmeric and yam plants, removing two large ficus plants that had grown too big and unruly, cleaning the balcony, and rearranging everything. It was certainly not easy, given the size of the ficus plants. The process was tiring but therapeutic. I emerged from it feeling not only more at peace but also pleased that my balcony looked so much neater and more presentable. As I looked at the refreshed space, I was reminded that making room for new things often requires letting go of what has outgrown its purpose. For that, I am grateful. 

• Question Assumptions. I woke up this morning and took my blood pressure and heart rate readings. I noticed that both had remained stable despite halving my medication dosage since my review last month. Naturally, I became curious: am I ready to come off the medication entirely? After all, I have been taking it for the past 8 years. So, I did some research on the medication. The AI asked me a series of questions, and the conversation helped me realise something important: leaving corporate life, changing my lifestyle, exercising regularly, and learning to take things as they come have all contributed to my current state of good health. It also prompted me to reconsider whether some assumptions I have held for years may no longer be true and whether it is time to discuss this with my doctor. I was reminded that it is important to periodically review old assumptions against present realities rather than continue accepting them unquestioningly. For that, I am truly thankful. 

• Be Spontaneous, Be Present. It was nice to return to my meditation routine. The thing about missing meditation for several days is that my concentration weakens, and I found it difficult to stay focused for more than 15min. Today, I had the pleasure of meditating at the summit of Bukit Timah Hill. It was entirely spontaneous. I was tired from the climb and perspiring heavily. As I sat on a bench and removed my singlet, I felt the gentle breeze cool my body. My awareness of the forest deepened as I listened to the cicadas chirping. At that moment, I found myself slipping naturally into meditation. It was a deeply calming experience. 

I decided to simply be spontaneous about things, and I didn't realise how much I needed these experiences. They not only gave me the space to rest and reconnect with myself, but also reminded me of a couple of important lessons: to let go of what no longer serves me so that new things can find their place, and to periodically re-examine old assumptions in the light of present realities, and the need to appreciate the present moment. For both the experiences and the lessons they brought, I am deeply thankful.

Bukit Timah Hill

Decided to climb the hill today. It’s Singapore islands’ highest point at 163.35m above sea level. Not too difficult a climb although the initial parts were really steep. But it was good that it was nice and breezy underneath the forest canopy. Managed to do a 15min meditation at the summit. Was especially nice given the peace and chirping of the cicadas.

:-)

Grateful 25 & 26 May: R&R

These 2 days after the training were much more relaxing, and they allowed me to rest and recuperate. I had a little more time to myself - catching up on routines, going for walks, and visiting Kusu Island. So, let me give thanks for: 

• D. D reached out to me early yesterday morning to ask if I would like to head to Kusu. We had spoken about it before, and I knew this trip meant a lot to him. The outing was good and gave me a welcome break from my usual routine. Above all, I had a really nice day out with D. It was thoughtful of him to buy me lunch and invite me over to his place afterwards. I am grateful for the time spent together and for his company. 

• Rest & Relax. I felt totally drained today. Perhaps it was the after-effects of the training, or maybe the visit to Kusu, where we walked quite a bit and climbed a small hillock. Whatever the reason, I felt physically exhausted. I was therefore especially thankful for the extra time I had to rest today. I managed to take a nap in the afternoon, do my laundry, and simply catch up on my own routines. 

• Walks. Despite my exhaustion, I still made it a point to go for my walks over these 2 days. I told myself that I needed to continue clocking my steps and remain disciplined. And that was exactly what I did, albeit at a slower pace. But to break the monotony, I decided to walk around Bedok Central, including the shopping mall and neighbourhood shops. It was lovely to take things easy, enjoy some snacks at the hawker centre, window shop, and clock my steps at the same time. 

Apart from the visit to Kusu, these 2 days were probably spent on simple routines - walks, laundry, watching tv, and taking naps. It was a huge contrast to the exceptionally hectic preceding few days of training. I am grateful for this slower pace, as it gave me the space to simply rest, relax, and recuperate.

Kusu Island

Made a trip to Kusu today with D to fulfill T’s last wishes. He had expressed his wish to visit the island but couldn’t do so due to his deteriorating health. 

The island had changed so tremendously much since I last visited some 5 decades ago! Then, it was a temple sited on some rocks and linked to a small hillock by a strip of sandbank that get submerged during high tide. But now, it’s a proper island with its own piers and lagoons, public amenities and all!

And similarly, the neighbouring small islands have mostly been reclaimed, enlarged and connected to each other via landlinks to became a united land mass, complete with cycling tracks, parks and all. Eye opening indeed. And it’s nice to be able to marvel at Singapore’s skyline from the southern islands. 

It was a good day out.

Grateful 1 May: Home

It’s Labour Day, a public holiday, and I finally decided to do something I had wanted to do for quite a while - visit Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. By all accounts, it was meant to be a restful day, but I ended up experiencing much more than that. On that note, let me give thanks for the following: 

• Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve. Finally made it to the reserve. It had been on my mind for quite some time, and although I had made several attempts previously, they never materialised for various reasons. I took a two-hour journey there, only to stay about 45 minutes because of an impending thunderstorm. Still, I was glad I went. I managed to hike through the coastal trail and mangrove swamp, and from across the waters, I could even see Malaysia. For a moment, I felt like a local tourist. Stepping out of my usual spaces and routines turned out to be a refreshing escape. 

• Foreign Workers. The visit to the northern part of Singapore, made up largely of industrial estates, felt somewhat surreal. Yet, I am thankful I made the trip because it allowed me to experience a side of Singapore that I would not normally encounter if I had remained within familiar spaces. Being a public holiday, it was also a day off for many foreign workers. The buses and trains were crowded with South Asians - Indians, Bangladeshis, and others - and for a moment, it hardly felt like Singapore. Admittedly, I felt somewhat uncomfortable because everything around me felt unfamiliar. But upon reflection, these workers are far away from home, making sacrifices and filling labour gaps that many of us would not take on ourselves. And for that, I am grateful. 

• “Homecoming”. After the visit, I made my way to Marine Parade via the MRT. Marine Parade is a place I grew up in and one that feels deeply familiar to me. What struck me during the journey was how noticeably the profile of commuters changed along the way - from one that were made up almost entirely of South Asians to one that was far more heterogeneous and reflective of Singapore’s broader demographic mix. The contrast felt especially stark. It felt like a homecoming of sorts. There was a sense of familiarity and safety in returning to a place that felt like home. I had a late lunch, made my way back, and by then I was thoroughly exhausted. Thankfully, I managed to get some rest. 

In all, today reminded me how easy it is to remain within familiar spaces and routines. Yet sometimes, stepping outside them - even briefly - allows us to see life, people, and even ourselves a little differently. Perhaps gratitude also comes from learning to sit with both comfort and discomfort, and recognising that every person around us is simply trying to build a life the best way they know how.

Grateful 18 Apr: Treetop Walk

Today, I’m grateful I chose to pause. I decided to put my well-being ahead of work and take a break from training prep, even though there’s still quite a bit to be done. Instead, I went for the treetop walk - and it turned out to be the best decision of the day. 

• Good Company. On the bus to Venus Drive, I noticed a bear - Chinese, bearded, in his 30s - seated in front of me looking quite stressed - his phone was at 10% and his portable battery wasn’t doing much better. I wanted to help as I had a fully charged portable battery but couldn’t at that point since I was getting off soon. As it turned out, he got off at the same stop as me, so I asked if he needed help, which he accepted sheepishly. We ended up heading to the same place and walked together, chatting along the way. He from CA Orange County and this was his first visit to Sgp. It was nice just sharing about the treetop walk, the flora, and quite a bit about Sgp - our culture, food, different races, history and much more. What started as a small offer to help became good company for the walk. I’m grateful for that - it made the whole experience so much more enjoyable. And it all worked out - his phone was fully charged when we parted ways.

• Bus Journey. The walk was not too difficult but there was a short drizzle towards the end, and combined with the afternoon heat, it started to take a toll. I was a little tired and very dehydrated. I don’t think it’s age - the guy I walked with seemed even more tired than I was, probably made worst by jet lag and adjusting to the weather. I bade him farewell at the MRT station and decided to take the bus instead. I was feeling a little faint by the time I got to the bus stop. When I got on the bus, I was really thankful to get a seat. The aircon felt especially good.

• Home. Reaching home was such a huge relief. I drowned myself with lotsa water, took a cold shower, and just lay down. Nothing fancy, but it all felt so good after the walk. A quick 15-min nap was enough to re-energise me. I’m grateful for these simple comforts - the ability to rest, recover, and just be in my own space. 

All in, it was a simple day, but a good one. I’m glad I made the trip to MacRitchie, grateful for the unexpected company, and thankful I could help someone in a small way.

Grateful 16 Apr: Happy Day

I was a happy person today, and I am grateful for how things are developing. I will not write everything here, as some details are better left unshared. Instead, I will focus on a few moments. 

• Walk. I decided to make a trip to Tanah Merah Beach this afternoon despite the scorching heat. I thought I could get a good tan as I do my daily walk, and the trip did not disappoint. I managed to get quite a tan - I look like a bright lobster now. More importantly, I am grateful for the ability to make the walk. I admit I have been a little lazy of late and may have used the weather as an excuse, so I am glad I pushed through. 

• Otters. I spent some time at the beach enjoying the sun. What made the trip special was spotting 2 otters. It was unusual, as they typically move in groups of 10 to 20. I wondered if they had broken away from a larger group and starting a new pack. I recorded a video and sent it to a friend who specialises in otters. He was excited and forwarded it to the team conducting an otter census in Singapore. I am glad I could contribute in a small way, and even more grateful that I made the trip. 

• Rest Points. By the time I walked back, I was tired, thirsty, and quite dehydrated. Thankfully, there were rest points and canteens along the way where I could rest, buy my dinner, and enjoy a kopi o kosong before heading home. 

It was a good day. I managed to do what I needed before my final day of training tomorrow. I ended the evening by running through some content with a fellow trainer to help her prepare for her session too. Overall, it was a productive and fulfilling day, and I am grateful for all that happened.

Grateful 12 Apr: Indulgences

It’s Sunday, and I was supposed to be conducting training today. However, due to a last-minute admin issue, I had to swap my slot with another trainer. That left me with a full day to myself - and it turned out to be a good one. Here’s what I did, and why I’m glad I did it: 

• Windsor Park Nature Trails. I woke up early, as I usually would on a training day. But instead of rushing through my preparations, I had a slow, unhurried breakfast in Simei before heading to Windsor Park Nature Trails in the Central Catchment Area. The trails could have led me to the MacRitchie Reservoir Treetop Walk, which was my initial plan, but as I walked, I decided not to go that far. Instead, I explored a couple of shorter paths. The sun had only just risen, the air was still cool, and the canopy was dew-drenched. It was deeply refreshing. It had been a long time since I last took a forest walk at 7-ish in the morning, and I’m glad I returned to it.

• Morning indulgences. I felt a little hungry when I got back to Simei and decided to have a second breakfast - or perhaps, more accurately, brunch. This time, I treated myself to a double fish fillet burger and an apple pie. I think the last time I had one was about a year ago. I’ve been keeping away from fast food in my efforts to eat clean and stick to a strict calorie count. So the double fish fillet and apple pie is a nice way to reward myself, especially after a morning walk! Back home, I took a 15-min nap - something I don’t usually do. But having woken up at 4am, it felt deserved. The rest refreshed me. Without planning it, the morning became one of small indulgences - the extra treat, the nap - things I had quietly denied myself. I had missed these small rewards! It also reminded me of how I sometimes “rebel” when told what I shouldn’t eat (with ChatGPT, no less!) - because then the question becomes: what’s the point of living? Heh...

• Afternoon indulgences. I headed out again before noon, intending to attend my Buddhist class. But in a last-minute, rather spontaneous decision, I chose instead to go shopping. I ended up at Parkway Parade, a place that has always felt like home to me - after all, it was where I used to hang out in my late teens. There’s something quietly therapeutic about being there. While wandering, I decided - once again - to treat myself, this time to a plate of premium rojak. It was pure bliss: the mix of fruits, you char kueh, tau pok, bean sprouts, and dried squid, all coated in prawn paste and ground peanuts. I had missed it. I told myself it was for my mental well-being, recalling something I had read recently - at 60, do what makes you happy; don’t keep putting it off. I’m glad I didn’t.

So yes, today turned out to be a day of indulgence, even as I worked towards my daily walking target. Reflecting on it, perhaps this is my way of holding a balance - staying disciplined in my diet and exercise, while still tending to my well-being and allowing space for joy. I’m grateful the day unfolded the way it did.

Grateful 7 Apr: Misadventures - Not

Tbh, today felt like a day of misadventures. And indeed, it was - but nonetheless, there are many things that I can still be grateful for. Let me share the details here: 

• Sungei Buloh Wetlands - Not. I woke up early, feeling all enthusiastic about going to Sungei Buloh Wetlands. After all, I had wanted to go there last week but ended up going to Jurong instead. I left home early after a quick meditation, went to Simei for my kopi o kosong, and then took the MRT to Tampines and happily boarded service 168. The bus was supposed to take me to Woodlands, where I would change to another bus, and the whole journey would be some 2 hours long. 45 min into the journey, the skies turned dark - ominously dark… I checked the weather app and, horrors… huge thunderstorm ahoy! And looking at the size of the clouds and the forecast, the impending storm would last till afternoon. I decided to abandon my plans, alighted and made a u-turn back. It looked like there were no outdoor options for me. So I headed to Bedok, took an early lunch, and bought the famous Teochew soon kueh (traditional bamboo shoot snack) before heading back home. Not quite what I had planned, but looking back, I did get a small “excursion” out of it - and a good snack too. Perhaps that was enough for the morning, and I am thankful for it.

• MacRitchie Reservoir & Cuties - Not. Back home, I ate the soon kueh and as I waited for the rain to ease. I weighed some options for my outdoor walk: Tanah Merah Beach, MacRitchie Reservoir (MR)… The rain didn’t look like it was about to stop, so Tanah Merah Beach was out. Not wanting to spend the whole afternoon at home, I decided to take the MRT to Chinatown for tea instead. Hopefully, the rain would clear and I could still make my way to MR and maybe spot some cute young fit guys running. As I had another round of kopi o kosong, I was quite pleased to see the rain clouds clearing on the app. Feeling hopeful, I headed towards MR - a 45-min journey on the bus. And guess what - when I reached, there was still a light drizzle, just enough to make walking pointless. And instead of young cute guys, the place was filled with teenage canoeists - all young enough to be my grandkids. Darned! I decide to leave. Still, the trip wasn’t entirely wasted. The tea break in Chinatown was rather nice - unhurried, and a good pause. 

• Smooth Journey - Not. I boarded another bus towards town, thinking I might do some window shopping. The bus journey itself was uneventful, apart from an irritating fellow watching a show on his mobile at full volume. By the time I reached the fringe of town, it was already quite late, and I decided to just head home instead. And so I changed bus, but the one I intended to take was crowded and I took the one behind, planning to switch to one that would take me home further down the road. Alas, I forgot the bus service number I was on, and ended going around 2 - 3 housing estates before ending at an interchange nowhere near my place. Thankfully, there was a coffee shop nearby, and I ended up having a very nice dinner - caifan with stir-fried stingray. It has been a while since I had that, and I enjoyed it.

So yeah, that was how my day went. I travelled across half the island, u-turned to Bedok, went back home, then to town, to MR, back to town, around a few housing estates, and finally home - objectively, not achieving very much. But along the way, there were pockets of enjoyment: good kopi o kosong, soon kueh, a quiet afternoon tea, and a comforting dinner... The day totally didn’t go according to plan. Things didn’t line up, plans kept shifting, not by design, and yet nothing really went wrong either. And maybe that is something worth noting - that even on a day that felt slightly off, there were still enough small, good moments to carry it through. I am grateful for these good moments.

Grateful 28 Mar: Social work

Today has been an exhausting day of social work, yet I feel deeply grateful to have been part of it. There is something incredibly heartening about witnessing young people show such enthusiasm and commitment. So for today, these are the 3 moments I am most grateful for. 

• Breakfast. I woke up at 6am so I can meet K for breakfast before the event. It had been some time since we last caught up over a meal. I arrived earlier and noticed an exceptionally long queue at the coffee stall. Wanting to save time, I joined the queue, only to realise - just as I was about to order - that the stall accepted cash only. I had none on me. Oh my... in this day and age, it's amazing how there are still stalls that do not accept digital payment, I thought. Not wanting to queue all over again, I told the stall owner I would return with cash. Thankfully, K arrived shortly after with cash and I was able to make the payment. Otherwise, it would have been rather embarrassing to cancel the order at the last minute. 

• Volunteering. I spent the day volunteering at a project in Toa Payoh, where we cleaned and painted the homes of elderly residents. The effort also involved junior college students, and in total, five apartments were assigned for the day. 3 students, K, and I were allocated to an elderly lady’s home - though, truth be told, I thought she looked younger than me. She needed help to clean her fridge, do general cleaning of the flat, paint the walls, main door, gate and grills. It was really tough work. But what stood out most was the enthusiasm of the students. It was truly uplifting to see their energy and enthusiasm. More than that, it was deeply heartwarming to witness the smiles on the ladys’ face after her home had been cleaned and refreshed. 

• Food delivery. By the time I got home, I was completely drained. In fact, I could hardly stand while I was in the MRT! After a cold shower, I literally collapsed into bed, having been awake since 6am and running on little rest. The day had been physically demanding - washing, scrubbing, clearing rubbish - and I barely had the energy to move. Although I am not usually a fan of food delivery due to the higher costs and additional "platform" fees, I found myself genuinely thankful for it in that moment. I placed an order for dinner and drifted into a deep nap. It did not matter that the food took almost an hour and a half to arrive; what mattered was the convenience when I needed it most. 

It was a long and incredibly exhausting day, but also a deeply meaningful one. Ultimately, it is not just the satisfaction of helping others and seeing their smiles, but also the inspiration I drew from the teenagers. Their enthusiasm, sense of responsibility, and cheerfulness throughout the day left a strong impression on me. I am truly grateful that I chose to be part of this experience.

Grateful 26 Mar: Senses (2)

I wrote about 3 of the 5 senses yesterday, and today I found myself naturally completing the rest - alongside a deeper awareness of mindfulness. Not because I felt the need to finish the list, but more because the day itself presented the opportunity to do so. 

• Mindfulness. These 2 days, I surprised myself by being able to meditate for more than 30 minutes. To be honest, time isn’t something I aim for when I meditate - in fact, there have been days where I struggled to stay focused for even 10 minutes. But the past two days felt different. Perhaps I was more rested, or perhaps my mind was simply less preoccupied. At some point, I settled into a deeper state where everything felt very still - almost like falling into an empty space. “Nothing” is probably the closest word I have for it. It didn’t feel forced, and I didn’t have to try too hard to stay there. I came out of it feeling light, almost floaty, and very calm. A quiet reminder that sometimes, the mind settles when I simply allow it to. I am grateful for that. 

• Hear. I started meditating around June or July last year, and it has since become a practice I do every morning before breakfast. Part of it involves tuning into the sounds around me. When I close my eyes and let go of sight, everything I hear becomes more pronounced. And this is where the richness of what would otherwise be background noise comes to the fore - birds chirping, cars in the distance, babies crying, people talking on the phone, someone sweeping the walkway downstairs. All of it happening at once, in that same moment. Nothing special, just daily life unfolding. Yet when I pay attention, these ordinary sounds take on a different quality. They anchor me to the present and remind me that life is always happening, even when I am not consciously noticing it. I am grateful for these moments of awareness. 

• Feel/ Touch. Today brought a gentle awareness of my body through simple experiences such as the feel of the breeze on my body when I meditate, the heat of the sun, or even the prick of a needle. While at MacRitchie for my afternoon walk, I took the opportunity to lie on the ground and simply sun myself. The heat was at times scorching but still tolerable, softened by the occasional clouds passing by. Having grown up by the beach, this feeling is familiar, enjoyable even. I went for my blood test after my walk. The sensation of the needle piercing the skin was brief, almost insignificant. It was a sensation that I anticipated. The whole experience reinforced the notion that it was not about the pain or discomfort. Rather, it was about being connected to the present through the body. Even these small moments are reminders that I am alive, aware, and responsive. I am grateful for that. 

Bringing these reflections together, I am reminded that my senses are not just functional - they are ways of being present, and also quiet gateways to memory. The warmth of the sun, the layering of everyday sounds, even the stillness of the mind - each holds traces of past experiences, resurfacing in the present moment. There is nothing particularly extraordinary about any of this, and perhaps that is the point. When I pay attention, the ordinary not only feels quietly rich, but also deeply familiar. And for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 22 Mar: Duty, Honour, Country

I read with horror a comment by a leader of a country on the passing of a senior statesman. It set me thinking about the leaders of my own country and, more broadly, the system we have built. I found myself feeling a deep sense of gratitude. I have seen first-hand how our political leaders have consistently been pressured by foreign powers and the international press, particularly from Western countries. Yet, they have held their ground and chosen to build what is relevant to our context. The result is a model of governance that is distinctly our own - one that, at its core, seeks to serve Singaporeans.

• Political leadership. I find myself reflecting on the sense of responsibility that comes with the role. It brings to mind what was instilled in me as an officer cadet in the 1980s - Duty, Honour, Country - a call to serve, and to do so with the nation at heart. It was relevant to me then as an officer cadet and, later, an officer, and I would suggest relevant to all leaders in the country. Leadership is not simply about holding office; it is about clarity of purpose - knowing what one stands for and whose interests one is entrusted to protect. When I look at developments in other parts of the world and especially in countries with much longer histories, I am reminded of how quickly systems can be weakened when leaders place self-interest above the collective good. In such moments, I come to appreciate the deliberate way leadership is developed in Singapore - the thought given to identifying, grooming, and renewing leaders over time. This continuity is not accidental; it reflects a long-term view that I have come to value more deeply with time.

• Institutions. Beyond the individuals, I have come to also better appreciate the role of institutions. When they are strong, institutions provide stability that goes beyond any single leader. They embody values, set boundaries, and ensure that governance remains consistent even as individuals change. Observing how institutions elsewhere can be challenged or eroded has made me more aware of how important it is to protect and uphold them. Here, I see institutions that are not only established, but continually reinforced - and that is something I do not take lightly, and for which I am grateful.

• Decorum of office. At the intersection of the individual and the institution lies the decorum of office. I am often struck by the tone and behaviour of some political leaders that I encounter online. It reinforces a belief I hold - that once a person is elected into office, they carry the responsibility of representing not just a segment of society (that voted for them), but the nation as a whole. In that sense, the office demands a certain standard of conduct, one that reflects respect for both the role and the people it serves. It requires office holders to place the office above themselves. In Singapore, there remains a general expectation of this standard, and I have come to see how important it is in maintaining trust. It is also, I believe, one of the reasons why political leaders here have been held accountable and removed when necessary, regardless of political affiliation. For this too, I am grateful.

As I reflect on these observations, I am reminded that what we have today did not come about by chance. It is the result of intentional effort, careful stewardship, and a shared commitment to something larger than any one individual. And that is why, when I look at what's happening in many countries abroad, I find myself returning to a simple but genuine sense of gratitude.

Grateful 21 Mar: Celebrations

It’s Hari Raya Aidilfitri today - such a joyous occasion, and a public holiday too. I decided to sleep in before making my way to MacRitchie Reservoir for a walk and a bit of sun, ahead of meeting my buddy for dinner. On the whole, it was a lovely day, made so by the following:

• Hari Raya Aidilfitri. It was such a delight to see the Malay community out in full force, all beautifully dressed as they celebrate the occasion. These days, the variety of attire is especially striking - from the traditional baju kurung, to the more form-fitting sarong kebaya, to those dressed more conservatively with tudung and, for some, black tunics. What stood out most to me was how families coordinated their outfits. There is something deeply heartwarming about that. I feel grateful to be able to celebrate this festival with them. 

• The bus driver. Living in a multicultural society means that during festive periods, people from different communities often step in to keep essential services running. During Chinese New Year, for instance, many frontline roles are taken on by non-Chinese staff. And of course, there are always some who choose to work on their own festive holidays. Today, I boarded a bus driven by a Malay driver. My first thought was, “Aiyoh, he should be celebrating with his family instead of working.” Then again, he must have had his reasons. As I alighted, I wanted to show my appreciation and in my way to celebrate the occasion with him, wished him “Selamat Hari Raya”, placing my hand on my heart. He responded with a broad smile, almost a grin, and returned the greeting in the same manner. I felt grateful to him for being at work today. 

• Dinner with M. It has been a while since I last had a proper dinner out with M. With both our schedules, it has not been easy to find time to meet. So I was especially glad that we managed to do so today. And it was so nice to be able to take a drive around Seletar after dinner! Been a while! The evening was simple, yet meaningful as we celebrate our friendship! Happy and grateful. 

Hari Raya Aidilfitri marks the end of fasting for the Muslim community, but in many ways, the celebration extends beyond - shared and experienced by people of different backgrounds. I am grateful to live in a multicultural environment where we can partake in one another’s celebrations. And for many non-Muslims, it is also a time to reconnect with friends and loved ones. All in all, it was indeed a lovely day.

Grateful 20 Mar: Discoveries

It is the eve of Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Festival of Eid), and it also happens to be the school holiday week. Many places feel less crowded than usual. I am grateful for this, as everything seems less rushed and, by extension, less stressful. In such moments, one can simply take a step back and watch the world go by - slowly and deliberately, noticing things that might otherwise slip past the conscious mind. And that was what I found myself doing today.

• Tampines West. I wandered around Tampines West this afternoon. The last time I was here was about 2 to 3 weeks ago with my sister and brother-in-law for the Chap Goh Meh (last day of CNY) dinner. Tbh, Tampines West is not a place I would usually visit these days, as it is not well connected by public transport and tends to be crowded. Part of the reason I returned today was rather light-hearted. You see, during that CNY dinner, I had noticed a rather cute, hunky guy working at one of the coffee shops, and I thought I might chance upon him again. Alas, he was nowhere to be seen. But in return, I discovered something else: a variety of eateries and zichar stalls that I had not paid attention to before. I also enjoyed a plate of chicken rice with duck gizzard - my first time trying it, and, surprisingly, thought it was nice.

• Simei. After lunch, I decided to head to my usual coffee shop in Simei for my kopi-o kosong. It was then that I realised there is no direct MRT nor bus route between Tampines West and Simei MRT, where the coffee shop is located. Feeling a little adventurous, I boarded whichever bus that came along to see where it would take me. In doing so, I discovered that Services 69 and 5 connect these two areas. I even alighted one stop earlier to save 20 cents on the fare. A small, almost trivial detail - but somehow part of the charm of the afternoon. A quiet little lesson in navigation, and perhaps in perspective, to which will come in handy in future. And I am grateful for it.

• Giant. During my frequent walks along the park connectors around my area, I often notice discarded beer cans on the ground. I have occasionally seen groups of foreign workers spending their time there - having their dinner and chatting - and I assume these cans may have been left behind in the process. It is something that continue to irk me, so much so that I have taken to picking them up and disposing of them properly when I can. Through this simple act, I became more aware of the different beer brands. Today, while at Giant supermarket, I noticed those very same cans on the shelves. At about $4 per can, they are not cheap. It made me pause and reflect - on choices, on habits, and on the unseen stories behind everyday scenes. I choose not to speculate, but simply to observe and acknowledge. 

Today’s small discoveries - coffee shops, zichar stalls, duck gizzards, bus routes, and even beer prices - may seem ordinary or trivial on the surface. Yet, taken together, they offered me new insights into places, people, and everyday living. Also, they reminded me that when I slow down, pay attention, and stay open, even the most unremarkable moments can become quietly meaningful. And for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 18 Mar: Reconnections

Today was special - I had the chance to reconnect with a few people who, in different ways, matter to me. 

• D and T. I met D and T this morning. It wasn’t planned. I had gone for a urine test and had to wait as I didn’t have sufficient urine for collection. While waiting, I chanced upon them. It was such a coincidence! We ended up having a quick breakfast at Geylang Serai. Being just three days before Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, the place - long the heart of all things Malay - was buzzing with activity, with many doing their festive grocery shopping. D, T and I used to meet more often, but with work preoccupations recently, our meet-ups has dwindled. In fact, I have not seen them since CNY. As such, being able to reconnect with them today felt really good and I am grateful for it. I am glad to see T managing well despite his health issue. 

• L. I met L for lunch today. It’s been months since that awkward conversation some months back and I have chosen not to initiate contact, leaving it to him to decide instead. He needs to decide how our close-to-five-decades friendship will evolve in the years ahead. As for me, I do not wish to place myself in a position where I might feel judged. Life is too short for that. We’ve only met once following that meet up, and last week he asked if I was free for lunch today. So we met. The conversation was warm but at times, awkward. Nonetheless, I am grateful that he took the initiative to reconnect. The ball remains in his court. 

• M. I miss my buddy. He last visited me a week ago and has been busy taking care of his mum. I didn’t want to impose, and had left it to him to initiate any meet-ups. Looking after an elderly is not easy and I can relate and empathise. Whenever I think about his situation, I am reminded of how I once told my ex that my priorities would always lie with my own mum - that I would place her above everything else. This morning, at the Geylang Serai market, I had intended to buy ondeh ondeh for breakfast, but the makcik (Malay auntie) sold me roti jala (see picture) instead. I didn’t correct her and simply paid for it, and decided to keep it for dinner. As it turned out, during my conversation with M, he mentioned that he enjoys roti jala. It felt like a small, timely alignment, and I took it as a cue to invite him over. I am glad and grateful that he made time to come by this evening. After some time apart, it felt good to reconnect again - simply, quietly, and without expectation. It was nice to finally spend time together. 

Today reminded me that reconnections do not always come in big, dramatic moments. Sometimes, they happen quietly - in chance encounters, in tentative conversations, or in small, unexpected turns, like how a simple packet of roti jala ended up finding its way into the right moment. And for all of that, I am grateful.