Traveling...

Lately, several of my friends have asked me if I have made any travel plans, considering I have not travelled since last June. Frankly? No… I have not made any plans, and I don’t have any desire to do so at this point in time. Thinking of all the hassles, the planning, the financials… it’s actually quite tiring. 

And added to that, I have gotten quite used to staying in Sg and just going about my daily routines. And on a very practical note - travelling needs money. I want to be a little more careful with my finances these days, and I don’t really see the need to spend money simply for the sake of travelling. So, the next natural question is - what happened?

Well, I think there are several reasons. I am more settled in my mind these days, and I simply have less desire to travel. I think it could also be that I have come to realise the impermanence of that feeling of travelling. The excitement, the anticipation, the experiences… they are all wonderful, but they pass. Perhaps I also don’t savour travelling as much these days, especially since I am no longer attached to it in the same way.

Admittedly, in the past, I travelled partly because I wanted to spend time with my other half, and also because I wanted him to experience and see the world. So, perhaps travelling had a different meaning for me then. It wasn’t just about the destination or the experience. It was also about that someone and sharing it with him. 

Today, it feels different. I’m not saying I will never travel again. I definitely will. And when the time comes, I’ll pack a bag and go. And my criteria to travel remain the same - somewhere cool, easy and relatively stress-free. But for now, I’m happy staying put, go about my routines, and enjoy the life that I have here.

And I’m okay with that. 

:-)

Grateful 1WJul26: Life

It’s been a week since I last wrote a reflection, and quite a lot happened over the past week. Here’s a quick rundown of how my week went and the things that I am thankful for.

• People. I met up with many people - family, friends and coachees - who wanted to catch up, have a meal, and simply celebrate this new chapter with me. It’s been a while since I had so many meals out with company. Food definitely tastes better when eaten with company. And I gained quite a bit of weight! It was really nice to reconnect, even if it was just over a meal. I am thankful for the people who reached out and who care. 

• Well-being. I explored new routes for my walks and intensified my step count to an average of about 15k - 25k steps a day. It’s tiring but, at the same time, nice to experience different routes. Admittedly, on some days I felt unmotivated and tired, but I’m glad I pushed myself a little and went for the walk. It has definitely contributed to my physical and mental well-being. 

• Mindfulness. I had an interesting exchange with a peer trainer who consistently complained - from the sale of courses, to trainer scheduling, to the quality of learners and so on. It’s tough to listen to constant complaints, but in a way, it reminded me of the importance of focusing on what I can control and not sweating over what I can’t. That perspective helped me maintain my focus and peace of mind, and I truly appreciate the opportunity to cultivate greater mindfulness. 

• Feedback. I managed to deliver the new module, and the feedback was quite positive. There were, of course, one or two learners who were a little more critical but, objectively, their feedback allowed me to reflect on how I can improve future runs. I’m grateful for the pointers they raised. 

• New Module. I have also been engaged to run another new module and have started researching the topic. While it is stressful preparing for a new delivery, I see it as an opportunity to deepen my knowledge and stay relevant as a trainer. Such an opportunity is hard to come by! I am blessed!

• Opportunity. A peer trainer asked me to share my résumé, and she forwarded it to a training company for their consideration. I was surprised that within a few hours, I was invited for an interview. The interview is this week, and I have to prepare a topic for the session. Let’s see how it goes. I’m grateful to my peer trainer for recommending me and connecting me with the academy.

• Rest. I have been sleeping relatively well over the past couple of days. This has been a welcome change compared to the previous few weeks when I had insomnia, possibly due to the stress of preparing for my training delivery. During that period, I noticed my blood pressure and heart rate had increased. I’m glad they have since returned to the normal range. 

On the whole, I think the past week was simply me living my life. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened. It was very routine, yet meaningful and intentional. And when I paused to reflect, I realised there was much to be thankful for.

Reflections: 1H2026

I want to use this post to reflect on the first half of 2026.

It was, by and large, a continuation of what had taken shape by the end of 2025. As a whole, there is no strong sense of disruption or change in direction. Life has continued in a steady rhythm - shaped by people, routines, and moments that often appear ordinary on the surface. Truth be told, the intentions set at the beginning of the year were not new beginnings, but a clearer expression of how life was already unfolding. It also sits within a broader transition that started in Dec 2023, where my work and way of living have gradually shifted away from a traditional corporate structure into a more flexible and independent rhythm. Over time, this has felt less like a defined decision and more like a slow reorientation - towards a way of working and contributing that feels more aligned with helping people in a steady and meaningful way. And on this note, let me use the key focus I set out at the start of 2026 to frame this post:

Remain Grounded in Gratitude

Gratitude is most visible through daily reflections and writing. It is also expressed through actions, particularly in how I support people who matter to me and how I commemorate major festivals such as CNY and the Dragon Boat Festival. CNY reunion dinners remained important anchor points - sitting together with friends and family across generations, with conversations moving between updates, familiar topics/ complains/ bitching, and stories that resurface year after year. During Duanwu Jie, making nonya chang was not just a way to remember my mother or honour family traditions, but also a way of sharing something meaningful with people who matter to me. Beyond these, there have been frequent meals with aunts, cousins, extended relatives, and friends. These moments are often simple and unplanned, but carry a similar sense of continuity. Gratitude, in that sense, feels less like a practice and more like a way of noticing and appreciating the people and experiences that quietly shape everyday life. 

Live with Purpose and Compassion

Purpose continues to show up in everyday interactions with people. Much of this happens through conversations with friends, colleagues, and people within my wider circle, where the focus is less on outcomes and more on being present with what they are experiencing. Compassion often takes the form of small and ordinary acts such as helping a crow that had fallen onto the middle of the road, or supporting friends going through difficult periods or health challenges. One moment that stays with me was giving my friend, T, a haircut during his illness. What seemed like a simple gesture became one of his happiest moments in the weeks before he passed away. These experiences serve as reminders that purpose is not always found in grand plans or achievements. Sometimes, it is simply about showing up, paying attention, and walking alongside someone for a while. 

Embrace Vulnerability and Courage

Vulnerability this year has been less about expression and more about staying with what is not immediately resolved. The challenges that began in the second half of last year gradually eased towards the end of June. Despite the difficult moments, I chose to embrace the experience and look for what it could teach me - new perspectives, deeper self-awareness, and, perhaps unexpectedly, new friendships. Within family interactions, friendships, and personal reflection, there are moments where clarity does not come quickly, and I am learning to remain in that space without rushing to close it. This includes recognising that not every relationship evolves in the same direction. There are long-standing friendships that have been important parts of my life, yet differences in values, priorities, and perspectives can gradually create distance. Accepting this has not been easy, but holding on out of sentimentality may create more harm in the long run. Courage, in this context, sometimes means allowing certain relationships to loosen naturally while holding gratitude for what they once meant. Letting go does not diminish their significance; it acknowledges that people grow and change in different ways and at different paces. At the same time, there is a gentle sense that life feels a little more open in how it is experienced. Nothing marked or symbolic, but a subtle easing in how space and time are held, allowing days to unfold with slightly more flexibility.

Nurture Relationships That Matter

Relationships continue to form a steady rhythm across different parts of life - family gatherings, meals with relatives, catch-ups with friends, and ongoing interactions with people who move in and out of my life. What stands out is not intensity, but regular return - the quiet consistency of checking in and showing up over time. Alongside long-standing friendships and family ties, this year has also brought new connections. Some of these friendships have grown naturally through shared experiences and conversations, bringing fresh perspectives and unexpected support. Together, both old and new relationships create a sense of continuity and connection that enriches daily life. 

Deepen Spiritual Practice

My Buddhist practice continues through meditation, classes, and reflection, and remains an important grounding thread in how I experience life. This year’s Vesak Day offered a particularly meaningful opportunity to reflect on impermanence and non-attachment. These teachings, while familiar through practice, felt more immediate in the context of recent experiences, including the passing of my aunt earlier this year and the loss of T. Rather than changing the direction of life, these moments gently reinforced the importance of holding people and experiences with appreciation, without needing to hold on too tightly. Over time, this practice feels less like something separate from life, and more like a way of seeing that continues to shape how I relate to change, relationships, and presence.

Care for My Health and Well-being

Health and well-being have remained less about pursuing specific goals and more about maintaining a sustainable rhythm of life. There have been periods of intense work, balanced by quieter days of rest, walks, family meals, and time simply to recharge. I have also become more aware of listening to my body and recognising when to slow down. Whether it was recovering after demanding training days, making space for solitude, or enjoying simple moments in nature, these have become reminders that well-being is not something to achieve, but something to nurture. I am grateful that this balance has allowed me to remain present for the people around me while continuing to find joy in the ordinary moments of everyday life.

Looking across the last 6 months, what stands out is continuity rather than change - a steady living out of intentions already set in motion. As I move into the second half of 2026, the focus remains on living with greater presence and openness, allowing life to unfold with a little more ease, space, and gratitude.

I Didn't Belong

I was supposed to volunteer for a Vesak event today, but it didn't materialise. 

I arrived at the venue earlier than the pre-arranged time and a pre-event prayer was in progress. The chant felt soothing, and I respectfully stepped aside to a corner and simply listened. The coordinator wasn't there yet and I decided to take a walk around the venue instead. Many booths had been set up, and many people were busy preparing for the crowd to arrive. 

As I looked around, I felt out of place. I felt I didn't belong. Perhaps it was the Chinese-speaking environment, or perhaps it was because everyone present seemed to belong to an organisation. I waited for about an hour for the co-ordinator but he was no where to be found. I decided to leave and head to Simei for my morning kopi-o-kosong. Over my kopi-o-kosong, I pondered why I felt this way: Had it something to do with my dream last night? Or perhaps I simply did not get enough sleep? Or was it an outcome of some other lingering issues? 

I came home to rest after my kopi-o-kosong. Let's not overthink the reasons behind it.

Grateful 31 May: Vesak Day

Today is Vesak Day, a day that holds special significance for me. Buddhism is more than a religion to me. Its philosophy has shaped my thinking and behaviour over the years, and I am thankful for that. Let me take a moment to reflect on this and give thanks for it.

• As a Philosophy. I read widely about many religions during my younger years - their history, evolution, philosophies and how they are practised. I am drawn to logic and reason, and I find myself relating deeply to the wisdom of Buddhism. It is not prescriptive, and it advocates personal effort and the pursuit of wisdom. I am grateful for this body of knowledge and for how it has encouraged me to seek truth as I search for meaning in my life. 

• As a Practice. I took refuge and received the precepts more than a decade ago, and I have been observing vegetarianism during the Vesak period for many years. Being vegetarian is part of observing the precept of not taking lives. The others are abstaining from lying, intoxicating substances, sexual misconduct and stealing. I learned from my teacher that the precepts are meant to guide us in our daily actions. But being human, we may occasionally fail to observe them. When that happens, we should forgive ourselves, reflect on it and learn from it. I am grateful for this compassionate and enlightened approach. Beyond that, I try my best to live according to Buddhist principles and teachings. 

• As a Religion. I was brought up in a form of Buddhism that was very Southeast Asian - Buddhism infused heavily with Taoist practices and rituals. I remember clearly how my mum would bring me to temples to pray for health, wealth and protection - something that is not very "Buddhistic". At that age, I simply followed along without fully understanding what Buddhism meant beyond the rituals. Over time, my understanding of Buddhism deepened and I came to embrace it not just culturally or ritually, but as a religion - reflected in how I live, practise and observe it in my daily life. To me, rituals and observances are forms of discipline that help anchor me amidst the busyness and distractions of life. 

As I commemorate Vesak Day, I am reminded of how Buddhism has provided me with a solid foundation on which I conduct myself in my day-to-day life and has taught me to take responsibility for my thoughts, actions and choices, while continually striving to cultivate a better version of myself. And for this, I am grateful.

I wish everyone a Blessed Vesak Day.

Grateful 29 & 30 May: Non-Attachment

Tomorrow is Vesak Day, a day that commemorates the Buddha's birth, attainment of enlightenment, and passing into Parinibbana. It is an important day for Buddhists, regardless of tradition, and many will observe it through celebrations, prayers, rituals, vegetarianism, and personal reflection. I will reflect more deeply on it tomorrow, but for these past 2 days, I would like to give thanks for the following:

• 3-Step-1-Bow. I have observed the 3-Step-1-Bow ceremony every year since 1990. It was originally a vow I undertook to give thanks for attaining good results during my undergraduate studies. Since then, the ceremony has only been interrupted a few times - during SARS, during COVID, and once when a heavy thunderstorm forced us to stop midway and move into the main hall for a talk by the temple abbot. The ceremony usually begins on the eve of Vesak Day, as it does today. This year, however, I will not be able to participate for reasons I shall not mention here. Yet this limitation has deepened my awareness of my practice, and I am grateful for that. Buddhism teaches non-attachment, and I reminded myself not to become overly attached to attending the ceremony itself. Instead, I will spend tomorrow visiting temples and volunteer at Buddhist events in the coming week. Perhaps this is a meaningful way to devote my energy this year.

• Meditation. I started meditating regularly in Jul or Aug last year. What began as a way to calm myself down, and also to make use of available time, gradually became a daily practice. In the early months, I would feel a slight sense of guilt whenever I missed a session, telling myself that I was not disciplined enough or that I had neglected my practice. Over time, I realised that mindfulness is not confined to formal meditation. My attachment to the idea that I had to sit and meditate in order to "qualify" as practising had caused unnecessary self-judgement. These days, when I have commitments such as training sessions or events, I simply make an effort to be mindful while travelling on the MRT, going for my walks, or carrying out daily routines. Having said that, I still make it a priority to sit and meditate whenever possible. I am grateful to the many people who have guided and supported me along the way, including my Buddhist class facilitator and my Buddhist counsellor. Through this practice, I have become calmer, more aware of my surroundings, and more present in each moment.

• Vegetarianism. As part of my Vesak observance, I usually follow a vegetarian diet for 15 days leading up to Vesak Day. When I first started doing this years ago, I found it extremely challenging. Over time, however, it has become much easier. This year, the 2 weeks passed so naturally that I hardly noticed them. I think this is partly because vegetarian food is now more widely available. More importantly, however, I have become less attached to the idea of having vegetarian food and have learned to accept circumstances as they are. If there are no vegetarian options nearby, I simply eat bread and move on. In this sense, vegetarianism is as much a state of mind as it is a dietary practice. If I make an issue out of it, it becomes one. If I am not attached to it, it ceases to trouble me. I am grateful for this realisation.

These past 2 days have been restful and reflective. Tomorrow is Vesak Day, and I will commemorate it by visiting temples and spending time in reflection. I look forward to the day with gratitude and a renewed commitment to my practice.

Grateful 26 Apr: 生老病死

I’m in a reflective mood today. I’m at an age where I can look back and appreciate the various stages of life. I am grateful for life’s experiences, with all their ups and downs. It so happened that today, I came face to face with many aspects of life’s realities. So let me reflect a little on them here. 

• Birth 生. It’s nice to see birthday greetings coming in for an ex-colleague in the group chat this morning (even as she subsequently clarified that her birthday was last month). Still, I’m grateful for this positive moment, especially as it balances the recent news of the hospitalisation of a friend and another friend’s mother. 

• Growing Old 老. I’m growing older by the day, and I’m better able to appreciate the aches and pains my parents used to talk about. I’m experiencing it now - waking up with aches and feeling like the body needs time to warm up. But I also recognise that being where I am is not a bad thing. I have accumulated life experience, and nothing quite replaces lived experience. In that sense, I am grateful for the wisdom that life has bestowed.

• Falling Sick 病. I woke up feeling my flu worsening. I didn’t sleep well, given the blocked nose, scratchy throat, and frequent coughing - so much so that I had to wake up to take some honey to soothe my throat. Still, I made it a point to head out for my meals and to pay a visit to T. Part of me knows I should have rested, but another part of me didn’t want to give in to being unwell. Reflecting on this, not feeling well has raised my awareness of the good health I have generally enjoyed. For that, I give thanks. I am reminded that things move in cycles, and perhaps the lesson for me is not just to push through, but also to know when to slow down and recuperate.

• Death 死. I have experienced many deaths in my life - my parents, cousins, friends, colleagues, and even my pets. That is the reality of the journey every one of us will take. I received a message last night that T, my friend with oesophageal cancer, has been hospitalised again. I have witnessed how his health has deteriorated so quickly over the past few months. I visited him in the hospital. Much as I’d love to, I didn’t stay long as it was painful for him to speak. From our conversation, I sensed his frustrations with how this illness is dragging and a quiet acceptance of the eventuality. I just listened and held space for him. I’m grateful to him for the friendship, and I can only wish him comfort and be present for him.

It’s interesting that in the course of a single day, I am reminded of life’s realities - birth, growing old, falling sick, and death, or in Chinese, 生老病死. This is a journey all of us must go through, and as a Buddhist, I accept and embrace it. More importantly, it reminds me to be more intentional with how I live each day - not just to stay present, but to choose where I place my time and energy while I still can.

Grateful 6 Apr: Peace

I think it might be because of the very busy and mentally stimulating day I had yesterday. I slept really well last night and woke up feeling clear-headed, energetic, and refreshed. Perhaps it is also because I feel relatively confident about the training preparation I have done over the past few days, and quietly assured that I will be able to hold the class this coming Friday. And so, let me give thanks for the following today:

• Meditation. It must have been the good night’s sleep, for I woke up feeling very clear-minded and peaceful. This allowed me to meditate and hold the stillness for a good half hour without much effort, for which I am grateful. Thinking about it, this calmness is likely the result of both the full day I had yesterday and the clearing of my “mental knot”.

• Confidence. I felt good about my training preparation. I have not felt this way for a while, especially when I am about to teach a new subject this Friday. I went through the details again this morning, systematically - starting from the admin, the name list (with a last-minute insertion of a new learner, again...), the assessment reports, the activity workbook, the assessment settings in the portal, and finally the lesson content. There are, of course, some still outstanding admin matters, but these can be completed quickly on the training day itself. For being able to reach where I am now, I give thanks for the many iterations and the preparation I have put in over the past days and weeks. I look forward to delivering the training.

• Breaking the habit. I decided against recording the details of my meals in ChatGPT today. I have been doing it diligently since early Nov 2025 in my efforts to monitor my weight and I had my fair share of struggles with ChatGPT for the constant chiding of what I should eat for each meal. I woke up today almost 2kg heavier than usual, and I am quite certain it was due to the heavy Chinese dinner I had last evening - all the soups, the meats, and so on. But I also realised I had been too strict with myself, to the point of not being able to simply enjoy life. What is the point of imprisoning myself with all the records and getting so worked up about my food intake after each meal? When I think about it, it is actually quite amusing that I should get annoyed with ChatGPT for chiding me about my sodium intake, how much protein I had missed, and what I should make up for, etc. So today, I chose not to record my meals. So what if I end the day weighing a little heavier. What the heck, right? So yes, I am grateful to myself for making this deliberate decision to rid myself of this behaviour, and I am at peace with it.

Yet again, I am reminded that balance is important. It is not about absolute control, but also about knowing when to loosen the grip. Being disciplined - such as devoting time to training preparation - is important, as it gives me peace of mind; but when a behaviour that began as discipline starts to control me, it becomes, in itself, a problem. I am grateful for this realisation.

Grateful 5 Apr: Qingming

I was supposed to be conducting training today, but due to a last-minute change, I found myself unexpectedly free. Instead of sleeping in, I chose to keep to my usual training schedule — I went for an early morning walk, had breakfast, and filled my day with activities. It turned out to be a rather full and meaningful day. On this day, I am thankful for:

• Remembrance. Today is Qingming Festival (清明节), a day of remembrance. Some refer to it as Tomb-Sweeping Day, though this is somewhat simplistic. The Chinese name, when translated literally, means “Clear and Bright”, reflecting the seasonal shift towards warmer, rainier weather and the greening of the landscape. Over time, it has come to be associated with remembering ancestors - visiting graves, offering prayers, and paying respects. As a guide, one can commemorate Qingming by visiting the graves anytime within 2 weeks before/ after the actual day. I had initially planned to visit the columbarium on Tuesday, but decided to go today instead. This year, however, I chose not to purchase the usual ancestor worship paraphernalia. This decision was influenced by a video I watched by a Buddhist venerable, who shared that making a donation to the temple can be just as meaningful as a way of expressing gratitude and remembrance. And that is what I did. 

• Rain. True to its name, it rained while I was on the bus heading to the columbarium. I hadn’t expected it, especially after weeks of blazing heat with hardly any rain, and I had not brought an umbrella. I was prepared to wait it out at the bus stop, but as it turned out, the rain stopped just as I arrived. The weather turned cool, and I was able to walk to the columbarium without getting wet. I felt grateful for that.

• Buddhist class. I am glad I made the effort to attend the Buddhist class after my visit to the columbarium. The topic covered helped me gain clarity on the issue that had troubled me over the past few days. Interestingly, the facilitator did something he had never done before - he invited us to reflect on a recent issue that had been on our minds, and guided us through a short meditation to explore its causes and effects. The exercise was deeply helpful, and it felt as though things fell into place for me. Today’s exercise is so timely and I am truly grateful for it.

Once again, the day felt quietly aligned. Everything seemed to fall into place - from the timely clearing of the rain, to the meditation that brought clarity, and finally, the simple gesture of PY texting to ask if I wanted to have dinner, which I did, and ate my north eastern Chinese food. I could not be more thankful for how the day unfolded.

Grateful 26 Mar: Senses (2)

I wrote about 3 of the 5 senses yesterday, and today I found myself naturally completing the rest - alongside a deeper awareness of mindfulness. Not because I felt the need to finish the list, but more because the day itself presented the opportunity to do so. 

• Mindfulness. These 2 days, I surprised myself by being able to meditate for more than 30 minutes. To be honest, time isn’t something I aim for when I meditate - in fact, there have been days where I struggled to stay focused for even 10 minutes. But the past two days felt different. Perhaps I was more rested, or perhaps my mind was simply less preoccupied. At some point, I settled into a deeper state where everything felt very still - almost like falling into an empty space. “Nothing” is probably the closest word I have for it. It didn’t feel forced, and I didn’t have to try too hard to stay there. I came out of it feeling light, almost floaty, and very calm. A quiet reminder that sometimes, the mind settles when I simply allow it to. I am grateful for that. 

• Hear. I started meditating around June or July last year, and it has since become a practice I do every morning before breakfast. Part of it involves tuning into the sounds around me. When I close my eyes and let go of sight, everything I hear becomes more pronounced. And this is where the richness of what would otherwise be background noise comes to the fore - birds chirping, cars in the distance, babies crying, people talking on the phone, someone sweeping the walkway downstairs. All of it happening at once, in that same moment. Nothing special, just daily life unfolding. Yet when I pay attention, these ordinary sounds take on a different quality. They anchor me to the present and remind me that life is always happening, even when I am not consciously noticing it. I am grateful for these moments of awareness. 

• Feel/ Touch. Today brought a gentle awareness of my body through simple experiences such as the feel of the breeze on my body when I meditate, the heat of the sun, or even the prick of a needle. While at MacRitchie for my afternoon walk, I took the opportunity to lie on the ground and simply sun myself. The heat was at times scorching but still tolerable, softened by the occasional clouds passing by. Having grown up by the beach, this feeling is familiar, enjoyable even. I went for my blood test after my walk. The sensation of the needle piercing the skin was brief, almost insignificant. It was a sensation that I anticipated. The whole experience reinforced the notion that it was not about the pain or discomfort. Rather, it was about being connected to the present through the body. Even these small moments are reminders that I am alive, aware, and responsive. I am grateful for that. 

Bringing these reflections together, I am reminded that my senses are not just functional - they are ways of being present, and also quiet gateways to memory. The warmth of the sun, the layering of everyday sounds, even the stillness of the mind - each holds traces of past experiences, resurfacing in the present moment. There is nothing particularly extraordinary about any of this, and perhaps that is the point. When I pay attention, the ordinary not only feels quietly rich, but also deeply familiar. And for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 8 Mar: The Three Jewels

Today, I attended the weekly Buddhist class and was once again reminded of the teachings of the Buddha - that there is suffering in life, and that there is also a way to overcome suffering. These teachings are simple in their expression, yet profound in their meaning. Each time I listen to them, I find myself reflecting on them a little differently. Perhaps it is because life itself continues to present new situations and experiences. As I close the day, I want to pause and give thanks for the Three Jewels - the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangha - that continue to guide me as I seek to understand life more deeply. 

• The Buddha. I give thanks to the Buddha, the teacher who showed us the truth through the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. One reminder that continues to resonate with me is that every one of us has the potential to become a Buddha. Enlightenment is not reserved for a select few, but something that can be cultivated through discipline, mindfulness and sincere effort. The Buddha also taught the importance of the Middle Path - a path of moderation that avoids the extremes. In many ways, this is also a reminder that the journey of cultivation requires balance, patience and steady effort over time.

• The Dhamma. I am also grateful for the Dhamma. To be able to learn and reflect on these teachings is itself something to be thankful for. Yet today’s reflection reminded me that the truths contained in the Dhamma often have many layers. In living our lives day to day, we are constantly faced with situations that require wisdom to interpret and apply these teachings. Life is rarely black and white. More often, it presents itself in many shades of grey. As such, it requires us to reflect deeply on the teachings and to live our lives with mindfulness and clear intentionality, guided by the spirit of the Middle Path. 

• The Sangha. Finally, I give thanks for the Sangha - the monastics who dedicate their lives to preserving and sharing the teachings of the Buddha. Their commitment ensures that the Dhamma continues to be shared with people like myself who are still learning and still trying to understand. Through their guidance and example, they help keep the light of the teachings alive and remind us that the path of cultivation is one that we continue to walk, step by step. 

As I end the day, I am reminded that cultivation is a lifelong journey. The teachings may be clear, but living them requires discipline, constant reflection, moderation and practice. For today, I am simply grateful for the opportunity to listen, to reflect, and to be reminded once again to walk the path with greater awareness and intention.

Grateful 1 Mar (1): BC

Buddhist classes restarted today after a 3-week CNY break, and I had such a rich learning experience. I will not attempt, nor it is my intention to, to list all the learnings, but I want to call out the 3 important reminders that stood out for me:

• "The Company". During class, we watched a short video where the narrator shared lessons from "Big Panda & the Tiny Dragon". I had read the book before, but hearing the lesson again left me wowed. I truly agree: the company we keep often makes the process so much more fulfilling. 

• Love Yourself. The facilitator asked the class: What qualities do we expect from a best friend? Everyone shared answers like “warmth,” “understanding,” “non-judgmental,” “supportive,” and “being there.” Then he asked, How many of you ever consider yourself to be your own best friend? In that moment, he reminded us that we often externalise love and expectations, forgetting to start with ourselves. Only by loving ourselves first can we truly love others. It also highlighted how, as humans, we are conditioned from birth to seek validation and live by others’ standards - often without asking: What do I really want? Am I satisfied with who I am? I am deeply thankful for this reminder.

• Nurturing a Garden. Towards the end, my facilitator shared an analogy: life is like a plot of land. If we only focus on removing weeds, the plot remains barren. But if we plant seeds and nurture them with care, we grow a vibrant, flourishing garden. Similarly, by cultivating good values, deeds, and experiences, we create a meaningful and rich life. Focus solely on the weeds, and life can feel empty - a timely reminder indeed.

I walked out of today's class feeling much enriched. I have learned much: from meditation techniques to self-love and acceptance, importance of self awareness and the need to be proactive and work on things to improve ourselves, etc but these three lessons left the deepest impact. I’m truly glad Buddhist classes have restarted and that I came away with such meaningful insights.

Talking about Life & Death

I’ve a friend who often talked about his fears regarding what happens after a person passes on and what the afterlife experience is like. Will it be painful? Or…

It is probably a topic none of us alive can ever advise. But having recently read deeper on Buddhism, I was able to understand conceptually the idea of consciousness and what happens to it after the physical body dies. I met up with him again last week and this topic came up again. I told him that using our human senses to frame the experiences of the next journey - whether it will be painful or otherwise - is probably not the wisest thing to do as the physical body is no longer present. Instead, I suggested he should channel his energies to the present and live his life to the best.

Today, he texted me to thank me for the chat. He also said that he is less fearful now. I gave him an analogy - that falling asleep and waking up is a cycle all of us goes through daily. And we may have dreams or nightmares when we sleep, but we will wake up again eventually. This would be similar when it comes to the cycle of life and death. Dying is akin to falling asleep, and we dream (good or bad will depend on whether we were good or bad during our lifetime). And then, we will wake up again, as a baby. 

It’s an off the cuff analogy, very much based on my current understanding of Buddhism’s interpretation of life and death. I’m sure there are other more informed views but I’m glad I can help him better frame his thoughts and lessen his fears. 

Grateful - 1 Feb: Engaging & Fun

I’m feeling a little tired now, but before I retire, I want to capture three things I’m grateful for today. 

• I am grateful to the facilitator and my classmates at the Singapore Buddhist Federation (SBF) for today’s class a highly engaging one. Many concepts and points were covered but the real learnings came from everybody’s sharing of their experiences. For eg, we discussed the importance of cultivating ourselves so that we are conscious of our emotions and able to recognize them as they arise. This awareness allows us to manage our emotions instead of being controlled by them. We all agreed that this is easier said than done, and that it requires consistent training of the mind.

• I am grateful for the interesting experiences and sights around the Geylang area. I went to SBF for class and decided to alight at PLQ Mall, taking a short walk to SBF instead. The walk started at Paya Lebar MRT and ended in the heart of Geylang. Paya Lebar is a Malay heartland, and I saw a large congregation of Indonesian domestic workers picnicking by the roadside under the shade of trees. It was a once-a-week affair, as today was their day off. As I moved into Geylang proper, the scene changed to lorongs and shophouses, coffee shops, and a couple of mosques. Along with this, the profile of people I saw also changed. Instead of mostly Indonesians, I saw a more heterogeneous mix of people - South Asian migrant workers, local Chinese, PRCs, as well as Malays at the mosques. Such contrasting scenes are very unique and can only happen in Singapore and Malaysia.

• Lastly, I am grateful for the warm yet breezy weather. Without it, none of the above would have happened. It was also because of the pleasant weather that I was able to walk back to PLQ from SBF, and in the process, get a nice workout. Reflecting on it, I was literally killing many birds with one stone - I enjoyed interesting sights, got a good walk and workout, and even discovered a nice park connector linking Paya Lebar MRT to Aljunied MRT. 

All in all, I had a good day today. It was engaging and fun. 

Goodnight!

Grateful - 31 Jan: Presence

It is scary how quickly 2026 is passing. It is already the end of January, and as part of my gratitude journalling today, I want to acknowledge the following:

• I am grateful for the awareness to live the past month the way I wanted to. It has made this year feel far more purposeful. Looking at the focus areas I had listed, I must admit that not everything happened naturally. At times, I had to consciously remind myself and put measures in place - just as I did with my deliberate daily gratitude journalling. But I am glad I stayed with it.

• I am grateful that I was able to make a difference to my coachee. I shared yesterday about giving her feedback for her public speaking contest, and I was so happy to learn that she won two prizes for her speech. I could not be prouder of her. I am not sure how much my feedback contributed, but from her update, I could sense her joy and appreciation - and that truly made my day.

• Lastly, and not something I want to take for granted, I am thankful for the meals I had today - from simple home-prepared food to something readily available at the coffee shop. What stands out is the abundance of choice at every meal: healthy, well-balanced, or otherwise, and the freedom to decide what I eat. This is a luxury that not everyone has.

I am a blessed person.

Grateful - 29 Jan: Calm

It’s been just over a week since I started this Gratitude Journaling series, and I’ll be honest - it’s getting harder to write. Not because I have nothing to be grateful for, but because I now see just how much there is. Every time I sit down to write, I realise that behind each small thing I’m thankful for, there’s a whole chain of conditions that must come together for that moment to exist. It’s humbling. Gratitude, I’m learning, isn’t just about listing what went well - it’s about recognising how much is quietly holding everything in place. Today, here are the 3 call outs:

• I’m grateful for something very simple: the ability to journal. That alone tells me I’m privileged. And I don’t mean that in a proud way, but in a deeply humbling one. 

• I’m also grateful for where I am in my spiritual practice. I chose a path that asks me to reflect, to question, to seek wisdom, and to practise compassion. Sometimes, I won’t lie, it feels a little lonely. Many of my friends find comfort in speaking to a higher being and in the promise of something beyond this life. I don’t have that. But what I do have is a growing sense of clarity - from meditation, from reading, from constant inner work - that my life is shaped by my past actions and choices. That realisation gives me both responsibility and hope. It tells me I can still shape what comes next. 

• And finally, I’m grateful for the life I have today - materially and otherwise. I’ve met people who wish they could undo their past and start again. I don’t feel that way. I’m at peace with where I am, because every good choice, every mistake, every detour has played a part in making me who I am now. And for that, I’m thankful. 

So yes, today’s reflection feels more conceptual than usual - but it’s exactly where my mind and heart are right now - calm.

Burning Smell

The air has been heavy with a burning smell over the past week or so, and on a day or two, I could have sworn it even looked hazy. I am also seeing people complaining about it and how they have experienced difficulties in breathing, etc. All these felt oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of the days when the country was blanketed in thick haze and carried the unmistakable smell of forest burning. That was probably more than a decade ago, when my mum and my dog were still around.

Because of that, the haze and smell over the past week stirred a sense of nostalgia in me. While it was undeniably uncomfortable, a small part of me wished it would linger a little longer. I suppose that’s just how memories work. For now, it’s enough to appreciate it for what it is - to “enjoy” it while it’s here, and just experience it while it is around. No judgment, no anger, no frustration. Just acceptance that it will eventually pass once the burning in the region stops.

https://www.facebook.com/NEASingapore/photos/hotspots-continue-to-be-observed-north-of-singapore-due-to-vegetation-fires-with/1202307645376982/

Grateful - 25 Jan: Peace

It’s a busy but fulfilling day for me and if I were to single out 3 things that I am grateful for, I would name the following:

• Had a good nights’ rest and woke up this morning feeling great and energized. Managed to finish cleaning 3/4 of the kitchen cabinet, washed the rugs and mopped the kitchen. Also, took the opportunity to declutter the cabinet and gave away quite a few unused mugs!

• Attended a Buddhist class at the Singapore Buddhist Federation. We went into how Buddhist concepts can be applied in life and where things are constantly changing and many issues are not so straightforward/ black and white. Very interesting session indeed.

• Visited my friend who had been readmitted to the hospital, less than a week after he was discharged. It’s nice to see him cheerful and had a good catch up with him. 

I’m also thankful for a friend who took the time to share his life story with me over dinner, for my sis who brought over bananas and food, etc… yeah, it’s a good peaceful day indeed.

Food & I

It has been a long while since I last wrote anything about “xxx and I”, or about my relationship with a particular subject. So today, I thought I would reflect a little on my relationship with food. Most, if not all, of my key interactions with people I know - relatives, friends, exes, colleagues and others - have taken place over meals. Food is an essential part of my life, and I dare say, everyone’s life. Some of my most memorable moments involving food are captured in the snippets below:

• My earliest memory of food was shredded fried batang fish with chopped chye sim, eaten with white rice drenched in water and a bit of soya sauce. My mum often made this for me when I was a child. She would feed me spoonful by spoonful as I ran around the open spaces of our landlord’s house. It was simple fare, reflective of the days when we were poor and life was much simpler. Yet to toddler-me, it tasted heavenly. I would pester my mum to make it as often as she could.

• Growing up poor, we could afford to eat chicken only 2 or 3 times a year - during Chinese New Year, the Celestial God’s Birthday and the Hungry Ghost Festival. There may have been 1 or 2 other occasions, but these were the ones I remember most clearly. Essentially, we ate chicken only when it was offered to the gods during prayers. It was prepared simply - boiled and rubbed with salt. Whole chicken carcasses were offered to the gods, and salt was the most appropriate preparation (for offerings to the deceased, the chicken would be chopped).

• During my younger days, my dad worked at the airport delivering meals to planes or clearing leftover, unconsumed food. Back then, controls were far less strict, and he would sometimes bring trays of untouched chicken thighs/ drumsticks home in the middle of the night. We would get very excited whenever he did. Occasionally, he would also order takeaway hor fun to go with it, much to our delight. Mum would keep the leftovers and steam them for our breakfast the next day.

• As a teenager, I was literally a bottomless pit. At my peak, I could eat 7 bowls of rice, 2 chicken burgers, 6 doughnuts, 1 roti john and a packet of Hokkien noodles at a go. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed it. My mum often cooked extra rice at night because I was perpetually hungry, and I would prepare fried rice for my supper almost every evening - so I had pork fried rice, chye sim fried rice, seafood fried rice, etc. I also bought doughnuts and dim sum frequently during those years. Puberty really is quite something.

• My mum was very strict - and rather unquestioning - about religious practices. She had been brought up to believe that Buddhists should not consume beef. As a result, we were not allowed to eat beef. Eventually, I learnt that Buddhism does not prohibit the consumption of beef. I first tasted beef by accident during my uni days, when I ate a curry puff at a potluck lunch. My mouth went numb afterwards. Over time, I noticed that this happened whenever I ate beef. It took me several months to get used to it, but I enjoy beef now. Steak? Yes - medium rare.

• I celebrate major occasions with food. One memory that stands out is a Mother’s Day dinner in the mid-1990s. I had just started working and wanted to treat my mum to a nice meal. I made a reservation at a Chinese restaurant for the family. We enjoyed the food, but when my mum found out that the dinner cost over $500, she complained that it was expensive, not value for money, and the food was not even nice. She insisted I had wasted my money and that we would have been better off eating at home. That dinner became her annual gripe every Mother’s Day until she passed on - a classic example of cost versus generational mindset.

• I have travelled widely and tried many different cuisines over the years. That said, I often find myself craving rice after some time. Perhaps it is something ingrained in me from young, tied to my southern Chinese heritage. I need rice to feel sustained - it doesn't matter whether its basmati, pearl short-grain or Thai fragrant rice. I recall spending six months in Tampa, Florida, on a work attachment in the early 2000s. After two weeks of sandwiches, bread and pasta, I couldn't take it and I had to cook my own rice-based meals. That was the same for my Asian peers! We simply missed rice too much.

• Apart from rice, there is one other essential: chilli - or more specifically, malay chilli pastes, or sambal. When I trained overseas for extended periods, I will not fail to ask my mum to prepare a bottle of sambal belachan for me, especially when I was heading to Taiwan. It is not that they lack chilli there, but I was brought up in a Peranakan and South-East Asian environment, and I am accustomed to the spices of this region. It has become part of my identity as a Singaporean, or more broadly, as a South-East Asian. I feel completely at home with the cuisines of Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines and beyond.

• I enjoy trying all kinds of food and have savoured delicacies from many countries and continents. People often ask me what my favourite cuisine is. To tell you the truth, I do not have a specific favourite. I am not particularly picky, and every place has its own distinctive flavours. I enjoy whatever I eat at wherever I visit. I feel blessed by the rich food experiences I have had. They have allowed me to connect more deeply with people. Food, after all, is an extension of culture.

• That said, there was one particularly repulsive food experience that remains vivid in my memory - fresh snake blood. During my national service days, as part of survival training, we were required to kill and prepare live animals for food. And so, we were given live chickens, iguanas, pythons, rabbits, frogs and turtles, etc. I still recall a python being hung up and dangled from the second floor, we had to severe its head and consume the blood as it flowed. The taste was cold, salty and metallic. It was an experience I will never forget.

• I have a sweet tooth. I enjoy cakes (tiramisu, Black Forest, carrot cake, chocolate mousse, etc) as well as ice cream (rum and raisin, cookies and cream, peanut butter), cookies, macarons, and all kinds of Malay and Peranakan desserts such as chendol, bubur terigu, bubur cha cha, pengat and all sorts of kueh kueh. Desserts have become such a natural part of my meals that I instinctively leave space for them. To me, anything coconut-based is good - and this probably explains my love for curries and many Malay and Peranakan desserts. That said, I am not a big fan of South Asian desserts, which I find overly sweet.

• I once travelled to Israel for work and was struck by the warmth and hospitality of my host. I was hosted to lunch and was served an enormous spread of bread and condiments - hummus, olives, jams and more. Wanting to show my appreciation, I ate a bit of everything. Just as I was completely full and ready to stop, my host cheerfully announced, “Alright, now let’s enjoy the mains.” OMG! I could say the same of Middle Eastern hospitality in places like Abu Dhabi and Dubai - long meals, abundant food, and an emphasis on generosity. I always ended up eating far more than I have space for.

• I once attended a wedding in Hyderabad with colleagues and was assigned a chaperone for the 3-day celebrations. From early morning to late night, we were constantly fed vegetarian food. The chaperone’s job was to ensure we were well fed - and we certainly were. And the amount and spread was humongous! By the end, we were desperate for meat. On the final day, we were taken to a famous Hyderabad dum biryani restaurant, where we were served heaps of fragrant rice and chicken, along with countless side dishes. Many of us swore off vegetarian food for months after that trip.

• The first meal with my first partner was at a zichar place at Simpang Bedok. We ordered a couple of dishes including salted vegetable soup with tofu and seafood. I later learned that he thought the soup tasted like dishwater as he disliked watery soups and preferred thick, gooey, strong flavoured ones such as sharks fin, sweet sour soup, etc. Added to that, he has a preference for western fare such as steaks, pasta, sandwiches, etc.

• My last partner loved good food and always wanted me to bring him to good restaurants. It was not uncommon to hear him say things like, "You never bring me to this place or that place". I always end up being chided for not bringing him to taste whatever food I had eaten before whenever I mentioned about any specific eatery to him. 

• I am not too fussy about food.  I believe that food is for sustenance, i.e. eating to live and not the other way round - living to eat. Also, I cannot really differentiate between good, better or best food. But of cos, I can draw a clear distinction between good and bad food and there remain some things that I will not eat. Then again, taste is subjective - one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Being practical and simple, I value company and convenience over type of food I eat. I will not bother to join long queues for food at any eateries, no matter how good the food is. 

So yeah, above were some of my key reflections/ memories related to food. I totally agree with the saying - the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Afterall, food defines a large part of a person's identity, culture and life experiences. My reflections above is a testament to this.

2025 - Grounded, then Surrendered

Preface

This entry took me more than a month to write, even with some help from ChatGPT. It has been one of the hardest pieces I’ve written in a long time. My first draft was too raw - influenced too much by experiences that are still unfolding. I needed time and distance before I could sit with the year and see it with greater clarity. 

I also struggled with the descriptors for the year. I didn’t want it to sound overly negative, yet I wanted it to reflect the truth of what the year held. I considered single words like gratitude, compassion, courage, surrender - all of which felt close, but not quite complete. The turning point came after Christmas, when I decided I didn’t need to force the year into a single narrative. Instead, I could honour it as it was lived - in two very distinct parts. And with this, I chose a dual-descriptor title - Grounded, then Surrendered.

This reflection follows that structure. 

I welcome comments but request that no questions be asked. It is simply my attempt to make sense of a year that asked much of me - and changed me in ways I am still coming to understand.

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2025 began grounded and purposeful, before giving way to a season that demanded surrender and introspection.

A year after leaving corporate life and earning my credentials as a trainer and coach, I stepped into 2025 ready to rebuild. There was momentum and a quiet confidence in how I should push forth but things did not happen the way I wanted it to. What unfolded was a first half shaped by movement and purpose, and a second that called for a very different kind of presence altogether.

Part I: Grounded & Purposeful (January - May)

2025 kicked off with the momentum established in 2024. It carried a sense of rhythm and direction, and life felt anchored. There was meaning in the work I was doing, energy in the connections I was nurturing, and a quiet confidence in how I showed up each day. I was engaged, contributing, and moving with intention. I was mentoring, coaching and training. And I was traveling…

Then the year shifted... big time!

Part II: Surrender & Introspection (June - December)

From mid-year onward, life pressed in ways beyond my control. What followed was a sustained period of constraint and reckoning. Freedom narrowed significantly. Time came to a standstill. Familiar reference points disappeared. This period became a season of surrender. Strength no longer looked like progress or achievement. Instead, it was about staying present, honest and facing harsh realities. I told myself I must take accountability despite being confronted with fear, vulnerability, and uncertainties. But during this time, something quieter emerged: Clarity. Not dramatic or sudden, but quiet and steady. I came to recognise that endurance, moment by moment, could itself be a form of strength.

Rediscovering Purpose & Compassion 

This period crystallized my understanding of purpose. I had previously believed purpose was something found at the end of the journey - a destination reached through striving. But 2025 taught me otherwise. Purpose revealed itself in small, often unremarkable moments: choosing presence, offering care and support, staying engaged even when depleted. Supporting others - through mentoring, coaching, and training - remained central. Even during the most constrained months, I continued to walk alongside people and helping them navigate their uncertainties. Admittedly, there were many days where I had absolutely nothing left in me to offer except to listen and to hold space quietly. And it made me realise that purpose is not measured by outcomes or visibility, but by consistency and sincerity. I also learned that compassion must begin from within to be truly effective. I needed to be patient and gentle with myself when I was exhausted, and to forgive myself when I met my limits and could offer no more. Only then could I continue to be present for others.

Family & Meaningful Relationships 

This year clarified who truly matters. Despite the strains in relationships in 2024, family showed up in ways that were steady and unquestioning. Their presence anchored me when everything else felt uncertain. Friends and colleagues who continued to trust me - despite the circumstances - reminded me that connection is sustained through constancy, not convenience. During this period, new relationships were made, even as existing ones were tested and revealed their limits. Some drifted. Some disappointed. But I am grateful to all. These relationships continued to teach me about the importance of truth, boundaries, and reciprocity. 

Spiritual Grounding through Buddhism 

The experiences I had made me go back to my spiritual roots. Buddhism became a steady anchor through this period. I returned to regular meditation - sitting, observing, allowing - it became less a practice and more a refuge. It taught me again that surrender is not weakness but courage: the courage to remain present, to loosen the grip on certainty, to meet experience as it is. Through practice, I learned to trust impermanence rather than resist it. To find steadiness not in control, but in awareness. In stillness, I found clarity. In acceptance, strength. And in letting go, freedom. 

Inner Strength and Quiet Courage 

This year tested courage in ways I didn’t expect. Not the dramatic kind, but the kind that endures. The courage to take accountability. To feel fully. To act with integrity when no one is watching. To continue supporting others while carrying my own weight internally. There were moments when I was stretched beyond comfort - holding space for others while managing my own discomfort and uncertainty. And in doing so, I discovered a resilience I had not known before. In the process, I learned that strength is not always visible but simply the decision to stay present, to respond with care, and to keep going. 

Well-Being, Health, and Self-Compassion 

A major breakthrough this year is in the area of health. Despite several health scares, I end the year with a clean bill of health - heart, kidneys, blood pressure all steady. In many ways, I am healthier than I have in decades. This year reinforced that caring for the body is not indulgence, but responsibility. Movement, nourishment, rest, and rhythm became acts of respect. They grounded me and gave me the capacity to endure. Every walk, every mindful meal, every pause became a quiet affirmation: I matter. Well-being is not merely survival; it is living with intention. It is preserving the capacity to show up - for life, and for others. 

2025 in a Nutshell 

This year was defined by contrast - between movement and stillness, effort and surrender, certainty and unknowing. It was a year that forced things onto me, stripped things back and tested me in ways I did not anticipate nor choose.  But I chose how to meet them and in doing so, I found Clarity. Strength. Purpose. Compassion - for others and for myself.

Looking Ahead to 2026

The Chinese zodiac predicts that 2026, the Year of the Fire Horse, will be a superbly challenging year for me (as I’m a Fire Horse myself) and friends have suggested that I keep a low profile to protect myself. Perhaps 2025 was meant to prepare me for it. Whatever the case, I step into 2026 carrying the lessons of 2025: 

• To remain grounded in gratitude, even when life feels uncertain. 
• To live with purpose and compassion, through mentoring, coaching, and presence. 
• To embrace vulnerability and courage, showing up even when it feels uncomfortable. 
• To nurture relationships that matter, rooted in trust and authenticity. 
• To deepen my spiritual practice, allowing surrender to guide me. 
• To care for my health and well-being, so I can continue to live and serve fully. 

2026, I am ready.

Happy New Year everybody!