the year was 1996. the month was nov. i was madly in love with someone who had dragged me out of the closet just a couple of months back. he was not the least interested in me i must say. to him, i was nothing but a one night stand that turned into a nightmare that kept pestering him for a relationship. it was non-stop paging, phone calls, etc. but he was nice to me, he entertained my calls and pages. anyway, in nov, he had planned a trip to toronto (if i recalled correctly) to settle some admin about his property there and would be there with his ex (whom he had broken off a couple of months before i got to know him). i was so filled with jealousy knowing that they would be going there together. i had wanted to go along to be with him... i didn't in the end. after he left for canada, i cried daily. i would curl up in the corner of my room and just cry uncontrollably. i was devastated, thinking about him spending time with his ex. i was so overwhelmed with jealousy thinking about how he would sleep with another person... it was a torture.
when he returned, he gave me a bottle of perfume. gap, grass. to me, being a very unexposed aka sua gu person, i didn't know much about perfume. i didn't even know what gap was. anyway, being in a state of deep infatuation, the perfume was like my life, it represented him. up till then, i was a polo ralph lauren person. but gap grass came along. i used it daily. in fact, i used it till the very last drop... towards the last few drops, i was so reluctant and tried by all means to slow the usage by trying to use as little as i could... but all too soon, the day came when the bottle of perfume finished. i kept the bottle. and every now and then, i took it out and smell it. it meant the world to me. the person might not have wanted to be together with me. he told me he was not ready to start another relationship given that he had just ended a 4-year relationship. i told him i would wait for him for 5 years. i did. well, almost. even after he gave me the cold treatment for 2-3 years after that, i waited. eventually, after almost 4 years, the feelings cool down and and by then, i decided i should move on...
it was kinda weird. during that 4 years, i experimented with relationships, yet i harboured hopes of getting back together with him. i waited... there were at least 3-4 other possible yet failed relationships during that period. some, i wanted, some, the other party wanted. but all did not work out... i was very confused with myself. and i ended up very jaded.
until james came along. and i told myself i would give relationship a chance...
ok, back to the perfume, after finishing the perfume, i kept the bottle. it was easily within my sight since then. it has been 15 years. and during these times, it stood beside all my other perfume bottles. whenever i do my annual spring cleaning, i would take it out, dust it clean and i would take a deep sniff. the faint grass smell is still there. and smelling it reminds me of him... we are friends now. not particularly close per se. i have moved on long ago. yet being able to communicate with him once a while through facebook, sms etc gives me a very warm feeling. he is like a family member. someone who is still able to create a warm glow in my heart. someone who is near, yet far. and far, yet near...
well, regardless of distance, he will always be somewhere in my heart.
:-)
when he returned, he gave me a bottle of perfume. gap, grass. to me, being a very unexposed aka sua gu person, i didn't know much about perfume. i didn't even know what gap was. anyway, being in a state of deep infatuation, the perfume was like my life, it represented him. up till then, i was a polo ralph lauren person. but gap grass came along. i used it daily. in fact, i used it till the very last drop... towards the last few drops, i was so reluctant and tried by all means to slow the usage by trying to use as little as i could... but all too soon, the day came when the bottle of perfume finished. i kept the bottle. and every now and then, i took it out and smell it. it meant the world to me. the person might not have wanted to be together with me. he told me he was not ready to start another relationship given that he had just ended a 4-year relationship. i told him i would wait for him for 5 years. i did. well, almost. even after he gave me the cold treatment for 2-3 years after that, i waited. eventually, after almost 4 years, the feelings cool down and and by then, i decided i should move on...
it was kinda weird. during that 4 years, i experimented with relationships, yet i harboured hopes of getting back together with him. i waited... there were at least 3-4 other possible yet failed relationships during that period. some, i wanted, some, the other party wanted. but all did not work out... i was very confused with myself. and i ended up very jaded.
until james came along. and i told myself i would give relationship a chance...
ok, back to the perfume, after finishing the perfume, i kept the bottle. it was easily within my sight since then. it has been 15 years. and during these times, it stood beside all my other perfume bottles. whenever i do my annual spring cleaning, i would take it out, dust it clean and i would take a deep sniff. the faint grass smell is still there. and smelling it reminds me of him... we are friends now. not particularly close per se. i have moved on long ago. yet being able to communicate with him once a while through facebook, sms etc gives me a very warm feeling. he is like a family member. someone who is still able to create a warm glow in my heart. someone who is near, yet far. and far, yet near...
well, regardless of distance, he will always be somewhere in my heart.
:-)
6 comments:
Oh dear...(just when i thought i found out who yr ex was).... another mystery person to find out who he is!
So how many people have you fallen in love with??
I feel like some innocent virgin compared to you.
heh heh... many lo... failing in love is easy, u only need urself to do so, but staying in love is a little more challenging. it needs both hands to clap.
:-)
This post of yours brings back memories to me. I too had a perfume associated with a boy whom I liked very much. It was a Drakkar Noir. Have never used it ever since parting company with him.
I've spent a good part of the past hour reading your posts. Hmmm, I think I can relate to some of your experiences.
hey,
yes, we human are sensual creatures and often, things like smell reminds us of significant moments in our life.
good or bad, i am sure it is something we will think back fondly about when we eventually get over it (the negativity).
thanks for visiting, reading and writing a comment.
appreciate it.
Jeffrey
Bought this Gap fragrance while I was in Hawaii in 2000. It brought back many memories.
Like you, I associate things , songs with experiences.
It’s been imprinted in my memory. Can still recall the smell, just thinking about it.
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