i started this week badly. and it destabilized me so bad i was totally paralyzed for 2 days and only managed to somewhat pick myself up again late thursday...
you see, my management had asked me to share with them (him) what my focus for the new workyear would be. and to do so, i had to frame the setting by giving a brief about what we want to achieve in the longer term and so that current focus could be aligned to a more strategic objective. in another words, i had to present my vision of where i want to drive my unit towards. and so i did... and i proudly did so cos i had spend so much effort, brain juice and time to put together a frame that captures my units vision, articulate my missions, and chart out the stratgies that would guide us for the next 5 years. my team and i had debated over it for the last 2 months and we even had our teambuilding activities all themed around it.
when i presented it to my management on monday, last i expected was that every single sentence, word, etc were torn to bits... i knew hell would break loose when i was asked why the hell i need a vision in the first place (doh!) and why couldn't i simply use my company's vision instead? also, the mission statements that my team and i crafted were questioned. and i thought - in the first place, my unit never had a mission statement, much less a clear one (doh!). and if i were to be more objective, i should have been told what my unit was supposed to fulfil! so much for spending my efforts... a unit without a collective vision and clear mission statement is a unit that is not focused and would lead to suicidal outcome. in fact, that was the unit i inherited. one that had tremendous morale issues, logictics on the verge of breaking down, people tendering mass resignations, etc. and all were swept under the carpet. and truth be told, the person before me even almost moved my unit out of sync and focus on things that was not the unit's expertise altogether. well, not that it was wrong from a business perspective, but, to do so at the expense of the unit's being is totally not right.
anyway, i stood there trying very hard to defend myself. and i was bombarded for close to 2 hours. and at a certain point, my management told me off - "no need to present further. your starting point is all wrong..." but i persisted. i tried to stand my ground. i tried to explain myself. but everything i said was torn to bits. there were lots of useless (or at least totally unfruitful) questions thrown at me. after some time, i decided, i should just shut up and not try to defend myself. it was futile to engage in anything with anyone who probably got up the wrong side of bed and has decided that everything i had was wrong. i was not prepared for this and i do not think i want to go through the seemingly endless barrage of useless criticism.
i felt very disturbed by the end of the meeting. but the full blast of the effect hit me only that evening. i felt destabilized by the fact that suddenly after all the hard work and efforts put in, my vision that has thus far given me the sense of direction, went kapoot. my missions, that we had spent so much thoughts over, was thrown out of the window... i felt aimless, i felt lost, i felt totally alone. and on tuesday, i had to grapple with several interviews, promotion reports, etc... all these seemed suddenly extra stressful given my lousy state of mind. i decided i could not proceed any further. i might just end up venting myself on my staff (which i have never done before). i did not know how to proceed. by tuesday night, i was almost a walking zombie. i was in a stated of total paralysis.
i decided to take a one day break on wednesday. i went to the pool to zonk out. but somehow, i could not relax. i then proceeded to the beach and sat the the breakwater. the sea has this calming effect on me. i stared into the horizon. it was rather therapeutic. i spent the rest of my day there. (and as a result, got myself all lobstered... heh heh...)
sighs... ever since taking over, there had been a short period where the unit had voiced all their pent up frustrations. i took it all in stride. handling these people issues were not too difficult for me. but my challenge was to fact that i am not getting any support from my company. but all these are simply getting to me. i tried to be as optimistic as i could. and often, i kept telling myself i need to hold on and push on. push on push on i would tell myself. my finance manager have resigned and the one nominated to stand in has not been giving me the support i need. may be she's overworked but certainly the support has been really lousy. how can i run a unit without knowing my financial health? and time and again, they keep coming back to me to tell me to cut this and to cut that, to reduce headcount, etc. and on the other hand, my management is upping my revenue targets. i am trying very hard to recruit people and it is taking longer than i had expected. the systems that i had acquired had been delivered and it is having more problems than i can ever imagine...
arghhh...
if things continue at this rate, i will tender my resignation. it is no use working for a large glc that runs on an sme mindset.
i am glad the week has ended.
you see, my management had asked me to share with them (him) what my focus for the new workyear would be. and to do so, i had to frame the setting by giving a brief about what we want to achieve in the longer term and so that current focus could be aligned to a more strategic objective. in another words, i had to present my vision of where i want to drive my unit towards. and so i did... and i proudly did so cos i had spend so much effort, brain juice and time to put together a frame that captures my units vision, articulate my missions, and chart out the stratgies that would guide us for the next 5 years. my team and i had debated over it for the last 2 months and we even had our teambuilding activities all themed around it.
when i presented it to my management on monday, last i expected was that every single sentence, word, etc were torn to bits... i knew hell would break loose when i was asked why the hell i need a vision in the first place (doh!) and why couldn't i simply use my company's vision instead? also, the mission statements that my team and i crafted were questioned. and i thought - in the first place, my unit never had a mission statement, much less a clear one (doh!). and if i were to be more objective, i should have been told what my unit was supposed to fulfil! so much for spending my efforts... a unit without a collective vision and clear mission statement is a unit that is not focused and would lead to suicidal outcome. in fact, that was the unit i inherited. one that had tremendous morale issues, logictics on the verge of breaking down, people tendering mass resignations, etc. and all were swept under the carpet. and truth be told, the person before me even almost moved my unit out of sync and focus on things that was not the unit's expertise altogether. well, not that it was wrong from a business perspective, but, to do so at the expense of the unit's being is totally not right.
anyway, i stood there trying very hard to defend myself. and i was bombarded for close to 2 hours. and at a certain point, my management told me off - "no need to present further. your starting point is all wrong..." but i persisted. i tried to stand my ground. i tried to explain myself. but everything i said was torn to bits. there were lots of useless (or at least totally unfruitful) questions thrown at me. after some time, i decided, i should just shut up and not try to defend myself. it was futile to engage in anything with anyone who probably got up the wrong side of bed and has decided that everything i had was wrong. i was not prepared for this and i do not think i want to go through the seemingly endless barrage of useless criticism.
i felt very disturbed by the end of the meeting. but the full blast of the effect hit me only that evening. i felt destabilized by the fact that suddenly after all the hard work and efforts put in, my vision that has thus far given me the sense of direction, went kapoot. my missions, that we had spent so much thoughts over, was thrown out of the window... i felt aimless, i felt lost, i felt totally alone. and on tuesday, i had to grapple with several interviews, promotion reports, etc... all these seemed suddenly extra stressful given my lousy state of mind. i decided i could not proceed any further. i might just end up venting myself on my staff (which i have never done before). i did not know how to proceed. by tuesday night, i was almost a walking zombie. i was in a stated of total paralysis.
i decided to take a one day break on wednesday. i went to the pool to zonk out. but somehow, i could not relax. i then proceeded to the beach and sat the the breakwater. the sea has this calming effect on me. i stared into the horizon. it was rather therapeutic. i spent the rest of my day there. (and as a result, got myself all lobstered... heh heh...)
sighs... ever since taking over, there had been a short period where the unit had voiced all their pent up frustrations. i took it all in stride. handling these people issues were not too difficult for me. but my challenge was to fact that i am not getting any support from my company. but all these are simply getting to me. i tried to be as optimistic as i could. and often, i kept telling myself i need to hold on and push on. push on push on i would tell myself. my finance manager have resigned and the one nominated to stand in has not been giving me the support i need. may be she's overworked but certainly the support has been really lousy. how can i run a unit without knowing my financial health? and time and again, they keep coming back to me to tell me to cut this and to cut that, to reduce headcount, etc. and on the other hand, my management is upping my revenue targets. i am trying very hard to recruit people and it is taking longer than i had expected. the systems that i had acquired had been delivered and it is having more problems than i can ever imagine...
arghhh...
if things continue at this rate, i will tender my resignation. it is no use working for a large glc that runs on an sme mindset.
i am glad the week has ended.
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