rumours

it's certainly not easy trying to keep things mum. recently, my boss told me i'd be promoted to take over a key position. of cos, i was initially rather shocked by this development, but i took it in stride and did not tell anyone. but soon enough, rumours started spreading. and people started talking. and becos this coming promotion is part of a long chain of moves by a lot of people in management, people started speculating where i would be heading. not very nice. and i really do not know how long this is gonna last.

i hope things get formally announced soon to put an end to all these rumours and speculations.

feeling tired

i think it is a good thing that i feel so exhausted by the end of every day for i end up sleeping very well...

and i remembered what the venerable said once: blessed is a person who can sleep when he goes to bed at the end of the day, blessed is a person who can eat when he is hungry and blessed is a person who can laugh heartily. simple acts but things that we often take for granted.

:-)

heartburn

been experiencing heartburn very often these couple of days. very uncomfortable. think i might have eaten too much during the day...

copd

mum has gone into the a&e this evening and has been warded again. she was breatheless and her whole body was weak. got the call from my bro just as i was halfway through my walk-a-jog and drove down to sent her to the hospital.

the initial diagnosis - copd.

i am not surprised.

3 principles

i brought my two managers out to lunch a couple of days ago and shared with them about how rewards will come when you focus your attention on doing your best rather than focusing on the rewards... and i shared with them some of the key principles i have observed at work my whole life. and i am convinced it works. and they listened. but i wasn't too sure if they agreed.

today, there was a meeting where i had to do 2 presentations. but as i had been asked to attend a training, i couldn't attend the meeting and tasked my manager to do the brief instead. after the meeting, i messaged one of them and asked how the presentation went. he said good but we had more arrows. and i told him to be positive about it. work is given to us becos we are appreciated for being able. so we should be happy about it. and in response, he gave a cheerful reply, said yes, and restated my principles... i was dumbfounded for a while. he remembered! and i smiled to myself. thinking back, i must have looked silly during the training session.

anyway, this was what i shared as my key work principles...

(1) do your best

(2) value-add

(3) prioritize

in all you do, give your best. rewards will come without you seeking it. in all you do, don't just do it like everyone else. value-add. this way, you improve, and the company improve. and rewards will come without you asking. lastly, in everything you do, if you try to spread your effort equally, you will die of exhaustion without achieving anything. work is infinite. cannot never finish one. if push come to shaft, prioritize. and the way to do it is - your bosses priorities are your priorities. simple. not that you are carrying balls, rather, in everything we do, we are paid to solve our bosses problems. if everyone up the chain thinks the same, the company can only go in one single direction. upwards. and when that happens, rewards will come downwards. naturally...

agree?

f1-related qns

bee told me that over the weekend at the zoo, lpheng's son asked him - which key on the keyboard is the fastest. he couldn't and didn't answer. but i immediately told him "f1" key. he was kinda dumbfounded for that moment that i knew the answer. heh heh...

during a training session today, my trainer told us that there are only about 30+ qualified f1 drivers in the world. and he said they are crazy people. not normal. drive like that. and they really need help... and i thought... hmmm, is that why "f1" key on our keyboard is also used for "help"?

how? rather lame right? anyway, for some unknown reasons, this year's f1 seemed super low-key to us. it came and it went. we almost didn't feel it. but on that very night of the race, we both managed to tune in just when the race was about to end. and we were both very excited about the final lap when alonso and what's his name was so close together. for that moment, we both were gritting our teeth and gave a huge sigh of relief when alonso crossed the finishing line. in all, after more than 3 hours, the difference in timing between the 1st and the 2nd car was 0.29 seconds! amazing! just imagine the teamwork and the precision of everyone during that 3 hours to get such a result!

blackberry

went for a executive training today. attended it with many of my fellow company people. my second boss was there too. at the start of the program, the trainer asked - how many of you do not hold a blackberry? i raised my hand. i was the only one. apparently, all in the room had one. and the trainer commented how lucky i was not to be enslaved by the gadget. he was right. everyone i knew in the company had one and almost all the time, i see time busy typing answering and emails... like as though their lives depends on it. i don't carry one and life carries on. and the company has not collapse. right? sometimes, i think we create jobs for ourselves. anyway...

in less than an hour, i got 2 missed calls from my second boss's secretary. i called back. she told me she had indented a blackberry for me... and i knew who asked for it to be done...

sighs sighs sighs...

hallucinations

mum has started hallucinating again. i think she is still ill and perhaps her internal infections has not fully subside. either that or her regular medications need to be adjusted. of late, she has started to see black creepy crawlies all over her hands, and in recent nights, she said an ang moh lady had been coming to her nightly. i asked whether the lady spoke to her. and she replied no. instead, the lady and stood by her side, and gestured for her to keep quiet. i asked if she was afraid. and she said no. in addition, my brother told me she also claimed that my paternal grandparents had visited her a couple of weeks back.

hmmm... think my brother is superstitious and very worried. after all, from what he had experienced before, this same thing happened to my dad before he passed on. similarly, this was the same story for my grands (both paternal and maternal) before they passed on. although logic tells me that things are like that becos of old age, illness and medication, i do admit that i am a little worried. nonetheless, i kept reminding myself that mum is old. and if her time is up, there is nothing we can do. rather, we should make sure she gets the best attention and medical care.

baggages

a young monk and his master was about to cross the river when they met a lady. she was hurrying home and her house was on the farbank. the sky was getting dark and the nearest bridge was a couple of kilometers downstream. and as she needed to get home before nightfall, the lady asked the monks to help carry her across the river. the young monk didn't want to do so as it is against the rules to get in physical contact with woman. the lady pleaded as she needed to rush home. as there was no other way, the master finally decided to carry her on his back instead. the young monk felt uneasy. after crossing the river, the master let down the lady. she gratefully thanked the master and went along her way.

the master continued walking quietly. the young monk felt troubled by the fact that the master had breached the rule of not to getting into physical contact with a lady. after walking a while more, he couldn't take it anymore and asked the master why he carried the lady. the master turned around and looked at him and said: "what i knew was that i had helped a person who was in distress..." the young monk was not satified with the answer and demanded a clearer answer for it was clear to him that the master had breached his practise. the master then turn around and said: "hmmm, i have already let down the person after i crossed the river and am no longer carrying her, but why are you still carrying her?" he continued walking... mindfully.

a simple true story of a chinese venerable's life in the 1800s. but it certainly has a lot of meanings. many of us are blinded by prejudices and wrong perceptions. and often these views prevented us from doing the good we should be doing. also, in life, many of us carry our burdens of grudges, anger, dissatisfactions, etc over prolonged periods of time. and we continue to attach ourselves to our past. but in actual fact, the past is gone. we should let it go. we should just move along and focus on our journey ahead. there is no reason why we continue be held ransom by our past baggage. holding on to such attachments is empty and it causes unnecessary sufferings.

this is an important story to me. of late, particularly in recent years, i have been counselling my mum frequently. you see, she is a person who has been so imprisoned by her past, it has become a habit. she is so trapped in it that she fail to appreciate and count her present blessings. and i have to keep reminding her not to do so. in recent weeks ever since my sister-in-law's mum came and stay over with her, my mum would cry whenever she sees them so sweet and close. she kept thinking of how she got ill-treated by her own mum, and for that matter, by her mother-in-law, my grandmother. she failed to totally see and appreciate the fact that she has a good daughter-in-law, that she has a good and caring environment that constantly provides for her. sighs... i could not do anything except to constantly counsel her.

what a weekend!

breakfast at changi airport swensons, sweeping the floor, mopping the floor, writing my minutes, heading to mum's place, carrying my newborn niece, visiting the zoo, eating peanut butter chocolate, eating vit c jelly beans, go shopping at jurong point, eating at thai express, doing my laundry, feeding the dog, walking the dog, doing my marketing for sapphie's fruits, having breakfast at bedok, having drinks with sam, teaching in school, visiting mum (again), carrying my newborn niece (again), getting my hair cut, more minute writing, eating out (again)... sleeping...

what a weekend!

mindful speeding

i had an interesting thought this morning on my way to class. i was driving above the speed limit and when i met my fellow teacher in school, he commented that i drove very fast. my response? "no lah, i drive fast, but i didn't rush. if you rush when you drive, it can be dangerous even if you are driving slowly. conversely, if you are mindful, even if you drive fast, you can be very safe."

and he asked - so? mindful speeding is safe? hmmm, i should tell my wife that.

heh heh... yes, my take is this - mindful speeding can be safe. just look at grand prix drivers. they drive at crazy speeds right? but they are very focus and mindful when they drive. no? heh heh... but well, let me set my words right. when i said mindful speeding is safe, i do not advocate that one should start speeding along our roads. to do so is being reckless and irresponsible. let me explain. it is safe provided you are driving on roads that are designed to take driving at that kind of speed, people driving around you observe the same cautious habits as you, people around you are also mindful when they drive, and the car you are driving can take that kinda speed. too many ifs right?

not worth the risk. not to mention, breaking the law. and yes, i was irresponsible when i drove fast this morning.

pole-dancing

a teacher commented earlier on that members of the monastic enjoyed teaching children how to sing a particular song cos it came with a set of movements and executing them, it felt like they were also dancing. a student came up to me and asked "how come?". he was puzzled why members of the sangha don't dance. i responded that as a norm, members of the sangha do not indulge in songs and dances as it is against their practise and that it does not contribute to their efforts of quietening down and cultivating their minds.

and he asked why. and i explained further that in not doing so, it is an attempt at not creating an attachment to such worldly pleasures. he thought about it and asked further... "teacher teacher, what if i bring them to see pole-dancing?" hmmm... i kept silent for a while. this was a complex question. after some careful thoughts, i just replied - "it is all in the mind. seeing (sic) pole-dancing is one thing. but what the mind thinks and interprets it is seeing is another thing." i am not sure if i got the message across. he just nodded his head and continued with the lesson.

:-)

crazy weeks

it's been a totally crazy past 2 weeks! all the rushing for a potential business. strategizing, researching, solutioning, la la la... and today, the top management decided to... drop... the... bid...

for that meagre sum, not worth the legal risk.

i worked like hell for it, but when the decision to drop it was made, i did not feel disappointed. neither did i feel happy. i simply move on. i was however glad that all the work i did helped the decision makers make their decisions. and most importantly, through the process, i got to know quite a few more people, and of course, learned a lot more things.

i supposed it is a good thing after all.

:-)

all's well

if all things go well, mum should be out of the hospital tomorrow!

:-)

better

mum was in better shape today. when i visited her, she was a little confused but otherwise, very cheerful. and i guessed this was because she had been on oxygen mask for the whole day. it was funny when she asked if i took the bus to work and to visit her... she apparently forgot that i drive.

:-)

again...

mum got hospitalized again today.

was at the temple this afternoon having lunch when i got a call from my bro. he was on the way bringing the new born baby home. but he told me that he is sending mum to the hospital as she was too weak toget out of bed. he asked me to head straight to the hospital to wait for her as he had called for the ambulance. half an hour later, i was at the hospital and there was no sign of mum. and then i got a call from him telling me that the ambulance has not arrived and that mum was crying non stop and asking not to be sent to the hospital. he also told me to henceforth not ask her to chant, use her prayer beads or to pin her buddha amulet. apparently, he was rather pissed with her for asking for her prayer beads even as they were waiting for the ambulance. i asked that he give in to her as this was something she held close to her heart for the longest time in her life. instead, i got chided. i kept quiet.

anyway, i waited at the hospital for them to arrive. the ambulance arrived some 20 minutes later. by then, mum was in bad shape. she was semi-conscious, in delirium, her body frigid and she kept wailing. she was wheeled to the a & e. the nurses didn't know what to do with her as her vital stats seemed ok, yet she kept on wailing. i held her tight and kept talking to her. i asked my brother to go for his lunch and i consoled her about the prayer beads. i reminded her that buddha is in her heart and she needn't need the prayer beads to do her prayers. she calmed down a little but continued to be in delirium. the doctor came and asked some questions. he told me she needed to be warded immediately, ordered for a chest x-ray and sent her blood samples for test. i was told to wait outside for her. by then, mum had quietened down and fallen asleep.

about an hour later, i took a look inside the a&e observation ward. mum was back in the ward. and she was awake. she was in a semi conscious state. but when she saw me, she called out to me. i kept her company for the next 2 hours plus. gradually she got stronger. i kept talking to her. she couldn't remember anything at all. i spoke with the doctor and he explained that her condition could possibly be due to a chest infection. they needed to keep her in the hospital to observe and to treat her.

let's hope she recovers soon.

it's been a very long and tiring day.

holding a baby

it's been such a long while since i last held a newborn baby. and yesterday, i held my niece. nice little bundle. too big to be born naturally. huge size. the nurses commented that her size is more like a one month old baby instead. felt great to hold a little bundle. the little miracle. so little. so fragile. and so adorable.

:-)

easier said than done

when i posted the words about not focusing too much into the future for happiness, and to look for happiness in the now, one of my friend posted a comment saying "easier said than done". he sounded a little curt. but well, i hoped his comment did not mean he would not even give it a try. then again, it is really up to him...

the thing is, all these things about being happy, mindfulness, la la la... all really depends on oneself. it depends on one's own efforts to look into oneself and one's mindfulness to focus on what he/ she wants to achieve. thus, one has a choice. and it depends on himself/ herself if he/ she wants to put in the effort to achieve it.

agree?

ah pek lo!

i am now an ah pek... and my mum was so happy earlier when i teased her about being a mama all over again! it's been a long while since anything like this happened in my family!

:-)

ps: all in all, we have now 7 princesses in the family. 6 carrying my in-law's surnames and now 1 with my family surname!

some observations

these following are some observations i made...

• much as i'd like my friends to know more about the dharma, i somehow feel a little more sensitive and careful when my christian friends ask me about it. and i would be very very careful not to sound pushy if i ever ask whether they are keen to attend dharma talks with me. while i feel very very happy that they are open enough to want to ask me more about dharma and buddhism, i certainly don't want them to feel like as though i am imposing on them by suggesting for them to attend lessons or dharma talks with me.

• i had observed that whenever i posted anything that reflects a reference to anything buddhist in my facebook, only my buddhist friends would "like" or comment on my status update. but if i were to simply write a quote from a buddhist text/ lesson but not credit the author or state where i got it from, i would get lots of my christain friends who would readily agree with it, or click "like" it. 

i am not trying to make any judgment about what i saw. rather, i am reflecting this as it reminded me of something i read about when i did a search in the net about the great zen master. he said something along this line - that perhaps it is better to just focus on the teachings. the names, be it buddhism, christainity, islam, etc etc etc are simply, names. yes, they can unite people, but most of the time, they divert people's focus from the most important thing - the truth and the values, which are, ultimately, the same. buddha-nature, god, son, holy spirit... does it matter after all...

:-)

ah pek

within these couple of days, i will be an "ah pek" (阿伯). well that is what a chinese person would address an uncle who is elder than his/ her father. and in my case, since i am the eldest son in the family, i would be rightfully addressed as "tua pek" (大伯) (or eldest paternal uncle) by my brother's baby.

so imagine, in the far future when my brother's baby has her own children, they will call me "tua pek kong" (大伯公)... lol!

* while "tua pek kong" is also a respectful term for the grand eldest paternal uncle, it is also the name of one of the most respected chinese diety that is commonly worship by malaysian and singaporean chinese.

baby's name

understand that my brother wants me to help name his baby...

but i have my reservations.

perhaps i should just list a few for him to choose.

hmmm...

be happy, now

don't keep focusing into the future for happiness. look around you now, breath mindfully, relax, and you will realize that there are many conditions around you now that you can be happy about. live in the now. be happy, now.

:-)

looking forward

perhaps it is the after effects of attending the talk by the master. i am now looking forward to the coming week. not gonna be afraid or feel apprehensive about what's coming. even if i feel apprehensive and afraid, it will still come. so, might as well focus on the here and the now and have the mindfulness to have a good rest and prepare for it.

:-)

living in the now

last evening, i attended a talk by the zen master with my friends. before the talk started, we had the puja. but this puja was different from all other pujas i have participated in before. it was led by the monastic. and they sang a really beautiful song (it was the puja for kuan im or buddisattva avalokiteshvara). before the puja commence, the master spoke to us about kuan im and what she stands for. he urged us all to open ourselves as we listen to the puja. and he asked that we focus our thoughts on people whom we feel for, for people whom we wanted to direct our healing energies to. i could feel the sense of anticipation as the monastics took up position.

and they started.

their voices were so melodious. all of us closed our eyes and meditated. and we focused our attention onto the lyrics as they sang. and as they sang, i had goose pimples. and slowly my eyes began to tear. my tears flowed freely for that short few minutes. many thoughts went through my mind. many people went through my mind. i meditated on them laughing, on them being painless, on them being happy. thoughts of my past, thoughts of my late dad, my mum, bee's father, bee, james, my sisters, my brother, everyone that passed my life before that had impacted on me. it was a very cathartic feeling. i was totally immersed in the song, in the winds that silently blew from my back. the words of the songs rang loud and clear. the time passed without me realizing it. and soon, the gong rang. it was the signal to end the puja. and soon, all was silent again. although there were 4000 in the audience, the silence was deafening.

and the talk started. it was delivered in very simple english, but the meanings behind the talk was really deep. and i truly enjoyed the talk. the master reminded us of how to live in the present, how to live in the now. how to appreciate ourselves, the people around us, the environment, the things, etc around us. and he shared very candidly how he came face-to-face with an image of the buddha. and how he, as well as the buddha were connected, yet empty. i understood him. the talk lasted longer than it should have. but no one complained. afterall, it was not often that one has the honour and privilege to listen to a master.

when the talk ended, the master invited us to enjoy a song sung by one member of his monastic. the song started. it was in french, then english. the voice was clear and crisp. it certainly did not sound like one sung by someone who was probably in her 70s. and as she sang, the master slowly took his leave. and as quietly as he entered, he left. no pomp, no grant exit. simply. he walked out. emptiness.

my deepest respect.

:-)

ulcers

i always find it such a pain to have multiple ulcers in my mouth! argh!

first i have a big one by the under side of my tongue. because of this ulcer, i couldn't sleep properly cos i had problem swallowing my saliva. and when i thought that was bad enough, i had to scald my inner mouth surface such that the skin of my right inner mouth surface tore off. and what was left behind was a huge ulcer about the size of a 10cents coin. and then when i thought that was the ultimate, a small little but irritating ulcer appeared on my upper tongue.

so there! one large, one larger and one tiny one. all creating havoc in my mouth. terrible right?

torn books...

sapphie has done it again. i was doing my work last evening when i felt hungry. so, i left my bosses' tender document, my laptop, my note book, some notes as well as some stationary on the table and went out for dinner with bee. we returned a couple of hours later.

when i opened the door, sapphie dashed out of the house. she seemed panicky. it was a clear sign that something was very wrong. i looked into the house and i saw a mess of torn paper on the floor. my first thought was, oh no! did sapphie destroy my bosses' tender documents. i sifted through the paper and gladly, found my bosses' tender document fully intact. only my note book was totally torn and messed up. as for bee, his reaction was totally different. he got angry straight away. sapphie, by now, was outside the house and nervously wagging her tail, ears folded back. and she had that scared and nvervous look in her eyes. bee scolded her and slapped her backside for messing the house up.

i didn't get angry with sapphie. this response of mine was so different from what i did over 9 years ago. i told bee not to scold sapphie. she is, afterall, a dog. and she was simply doing what a dog loves to do. and if there was anyone to be blamed, it would be me. for i had not left the book on the table within the reach of sapphie, these things would not have happened. sensing safe haven, sapphie came into the house and ran to me. she sat down beside me and whimpered. and as she whimpered, she held up her paws asking me to console her, to sayang her. she felt insecure.

dogs, dogs...

sighs...

:-)

freedom of speech?

more and more, i think the whole concept of freedom of speech (and actions) has been abused to the point where it is now a joke. i don't buy freedom of speech when it can result in people getting killed, countries go to war, etc. freedom of speech comes with responsibilities. and if one cannot be responsible about his speech, then he has no right to enjoy freedom of speech. constitution or not.

cases in point - man burning the qur'an, man drawing cartoons depicting prophet muhammed (also spelt muhammad, mohammad, etc).

know just know

know just know, no need to respond. i am reminded of these words when i read about the stupid man in florida trying to burn qur'an. he is mad, i thought. what he is doing certain threatens to destroy all the peace we have always been working so hard to upkeep. people can be mad, and we need not join in the madness.

know just know. no need to respond. peace can only prevail if we can restraint our emotions. what he is doing reflects his own ignorance. and if we see him as ignorant, it is easier for us to restraint our emotions. but if we respond emotionally, then, it also reflects our ignorance.

very regretful. very regretful indeed.

proper english

it was very funny of my friend to ask her son to message me when he gets bored. but that was what she did. and i ended up sms-chatting with her young teenage son over 2 nights this week.

and i noticed something interesting about my behaviour when chatting with him. i was very conscious about writing out proper full sentences, using the correct tenses, proper english words, avoiding singlish, la la la... and of course, in my responses, i was also very conscious about balancing between being an adult and a friend. in short, i was trying had to maintain a certain decorum and that he does not get into the habit of using singlish.

hmmm...

salam aidil fitri

today is a holy day for muslims the world over and it is a public holiday in singapore. in facebook, i saw many of my non-muslim friends wishing their muslim friends well. and i smiled. it felt good to see these wishes. the fact that the wishes come from non-muslims and non-malays reminded me of the racial and religious harmony we enjoy here. and this is such a stark contrast to someone in florida who is threatening to burn the qur'an. and there's been so much publicity about this case. regardless of outcome, i am sure the publicity itself would encourage other attention seekers to do the same in future. no win situation if you ask me. sighs... anyway, i do hope some common sense prevail. there can be no peace if one choose to be selfish. anyway, let's keep that negative thoughts out for this moment.

for now, i rejoice together with all my muslim friends in celebrating this holy day and i wish one and all muslims selamat hari raya aidil fitri!

sick-but-not-sick

been sleeping and sleeping almost non-stop today. woke up at 8.45am. brought sapphie to pee and shit, did some work, took breakfast and slept again at about 11.30am. woke up on and off to answer phone calls and smses. slept again and only finally woke up at 4.45pm.

don't like the sick-but-not-sick kinda feeling.

thankfully, i have 2 more days of rest.

:-)

time flies, circles

how time flies. it seemed like not too long ago that i helped out with selling mooncakes at parkway parade. and now it is mooncake festival again. and of cos bee has been busy with all the sales again. this year, they have a total of 3 stalls and to get things done, he had employed some part timers to help out.

thinking back, last year, there was a rich tai tai who patronized the stall and she spend quite bit on mooncakes. she continued keeping in contact with bee and was observed to splurge quite a bit on the high life, parties, etc. for some reasons or other, this year, she had been working as a part-timer for several jobs and she also asked bee to give her a job. and apparently she had been down and out for quite a couple of months. i am even more convinced things go in circles. and this is a clearest example of riches to rags that i have experienced personally.

promotion

when i was told that i would be promoted to a senior position, my first response was "what? so fast? no, no, i am not sure if i am ready for it." and he went on to say that i should not worry about it and he would adjust my renumeration accordingly. and my next response was "erm, no, that was not my worry, in fact, i am more worried about whether i could do the job well considering the heavy responsibilities." my big boss told me that this was not just his decision and that his two bigger bosses also agreed to his proposal. he added that they have been more than pleased with my performance in these last 3 months and that they have full confidence in me. when i told a friend about my response, she laughed about it and said i should have said i appreciate it and just take it. it's been only 3 short months and i am placed in a senior management position. i must say i am really appreciative of their trust in me. i can only put in my best to make sure things turn out right!

:-)

edgy staff

i must say my managers have been very edgy after hearing the news that i might be moved. and i think this is because i have been coaching them pretty well and as a team, i have struck a rather good rapport with them. anyway, it is really not for me to announce anything at this point in time. i have hinted that i would still be seeing them and they were really happy to hear that.

let's hope things pan out well.

lending money

recently a friend asked to borrow money from me saying that he has been out of luck getting a job he likes and would like me to help him financially. i felt very uneasy (as usual) to be asked such things. on one hand, i didn't want to lend him as i had my own uneasiness about it. he had previously borrowed a jacket from me and has not returned. and it reflects the type of person he is. yet on the other hand, i wanted to help him. it is certainly within my means to do so. so, there was quite a bit of tensions in me. and there was a lot of ding dongings of smses. and admittedly, i went through quite a few inner iterations and soul-searching before deciding to pass the cash to him. i decided in the end to pass him a quarter of what he had asked for as that is the amount i could afford within getting myself into potential problems.

bee called me earlier telling me that he saw this friend shopping happily with a friend. he seemed pretty ok. but i told myself, if i had decided to help, i should. he has asked for assistance and whether he is or he is not in debt etc is not for me to ask. also, i am in no position to make any judgment on him just because he was seen shopping. i cannot expect a person who needs financial assistance to be sulky and moody. life still needs to go on.

well...

hmmm... dates

i bought some munchies (dates to be specific) for the muslim staff of my academy last week and didn't think about it further. and this morning, i was asked to see my big boss. he wanted to chat with me about the news he shared two days back (the one that got my into a state of shock) and as we drank our coffee, he told me that despite being away from my office location, he knew perfectly well what has been going on...

and then he said he knew about me buying dates for the staff and said that that was exactly what he was looking for. and he was certainly very pleased about it. his remark took me by surprise. buying dates for the staff was just something i thought was the right thing to do. but it turned out larger than that.

hmmm...

op over

went to visit bee's dad earlier on. the op was done this morning. he looked well and cheery. happy to see  him in such cheery state.

:-)

shock

am still in shock...

after recieving news this afternoon.

but, i guess it is a happy problem.

:-)

last lesson

had my last lesson today. decided to let the two lead teachers conduct it. they did the revision. but it went rather disorganised such that some of the students started grumbling... teacher! what are you trying to do? we are so confused! one of the student went...

i continued observing. it was clear they were losing the children's attention. people starting chit chatting. people starting doing their own things. people started reading their own stories. and it was weird cos after half an hour, the lead teacher asked the other teacher "how? should we carry on? or what should we do?" hmmm... rather unplanned and disorganised. well... i thought they wasted the time today although at times, they managed to get some proper revision going.

often, the discussion threatened to go awefully wrong. teacher teacher, if you say we cannot eat anything that is living, then why we eat plants? teacher teacher, if you say we cannot eat animals that are alive, does that mean we are not guilty of killing if we order from the menu? teacher teacher, can buddhist eat beef? teacher teacher, if you say cannot eat anything that remind us of meat, then how come vegetarians can eat fake meat?... good questions. these questions threatened to distract the class from the revision proper. but i thought, well what the heck! these are perfect questions and there are no other time after today to clear their misconception! and i decided to speak up.

often, i had to remind them not to exist at the action-level. they need to remind themselves to think about the intentions behind the eating of the food. did they intent to kill it to eat it? if they did (say a chicken), then they would not even be able to eat chicken, much less beef. and about fake meat, i had to remind them of intentions vs desire. i had clarify that by eating vegetarian, their have right intentions to not eat anything that would create a demand for killing. but if they cannot forgo meat (ie cannot forgo their desire for meat) yet want to avoid killing, then the best solution would be fake meat la. and can buddhist eat beef? should buddhist avoid eggs? well, again back to intentions. if they think it that way, i need not answer the question anymore. it became clear. also, why some vegetarians can eat egg, some drink milk... well, got to remind them not to confuse between choice and type of vegetarianism vs intentions of not wanting to create a demand for meat. anyway, i thought the session was very good. it was spontaneous and such spontaneity creates a lot of interest. i was glad i managed to clarify a lot of issues.

and for that, despite what i thought was a failure of the revision, i thought we managed to clear a lot of doubts and myths about buddhism.

:-)

what a weekend!

been a superbly hectic but meaningful weekend. let's see what i did...

on sat, had a quick breakfast and then brought my mum for her haircut. at the same time, brought my bro, his wife and his mum-in-law to east coast beach. we then had lunch at katong followed by a visit to bright hill temple. the trip too a whole day. in the evening, went to the temple to rehearse for todays' ceremony where i had to make offerings to the officiating monks. and then rushed to pick my friends to celebrate my's birthday... by the time all the events ended, it was past midnight.

and today, it was my sunday school, contact time for teachers, a quick coffee at thomson plaza, and then to the temple for the closing prayers for the seventh month. did the offering and fumbled. the girl who was supposed to signal for us to recover from our prostration did not sound the signal and after that everything went haywire... anyway, we got by. the whole ceremony lasted from 3pm till past 7pm. and it was followed by cleaning the temple, rearranging the furnitures, etc. by the time i had my dinner and returned home, it was past 8pm. so tired. hmmm, now i need to do my ironing(yes! again! argh!), finish up my minutes and then prepare for the new week ahead...

hmmm... such a hectic weekend. but i guess it was time well spent. nothing beats spending time with family, friends and doing volunteer work. hectic but very meaningful.

:-)

senior term (3)

in this last part, i shall focus on the final weeks in ocs. also, i will capture snippets of my life in ocs in general, snippets that couldn't fit in anywhere in my earlier postings. here goes...

- when we entered ocs, we thought bmt had made us strong and hardy. but we couldn't be more wrong. during the 9 months, we were broken into our elements and slowly rebuilt. we came out of the process transformed. thinking back, ocs in those day built endurance and character. it is so different compared to the scrawny cadets these days. for example, i once saw a few lanky soldiers walking and playing catching as they walked along the side of a road in safti mi. initially i thought they were either some downgraded clerks or some hokkien pengs from other camp. and just when i thought how badly behaved these soldiers were, i saw their rank. they were young officers who had just passed out. sighs...

- for our booking in on sundays, many of us had to board the bus 175 at peninsular plaza bus stop. and because our book in time was no later than 11pm or 11.30pm, you could find most of us at the bus stop at 9.30pm. and it is not difficult to spot us - white long sleeve shirts and black leather shoes. usually the bus would be crowded with cadets. and for those seated, they would be asleep (as usual). for me, i would be listening to my walkman or tuned in to the radio, 10pm - chinese orchestra music.

- we had lots of different stand-bys (checks). one of the most interesting one (perhaps lamest one) was stand-by book in/ book out attire. we had to fall in in our white long sleeve shirt, black slacks, black socks and black shoes. and sgt arthur would personally check our attire to make sure our socks were black (cannot have stripes or patterns), our shoes were black. no need to be shiny but must be clean. and our long sleeves were those typical business wear type. no fancy slim cut or cuff links or big elvis presley collar etc. just plain business wear. well, you could say we looked like we were mourning the death of some mafia if we were to put on sunglasses, but frankly, i thought we looked rather smart. and we wore our black and whites very proudly, after all, not many had the honour to be selected to be officer cadets.

- jurong west extension/ bukit batok/ etc were non-existent then. instead, there were cemetaries, kampongs and factories. the roads were dark and often single lane. when we reached pasir laba camp, many would end up queueing for popiah outside the camp gate. that would be our final taste of civilian food before a week of camp food.

- during the last months of senior term, pasir laba cookhouse started serving pre-cooked food. well, what the cadets get today can be considered top grade delicacy compared to what we got. vegetables were yellow and tasted like rubber (literally). and the meat also tasted like vegetables too - ie rubbery. rice were often undercooked. for breakfast, we started getting more variety - pows, mee goreng, hor fun, etc. but that didn't mean it tasted any better. in fact, we preferred to earlier days when we would at least get fresh bread and strong coffee.

- we went through boxing lessons, unarmed combat (hia! hia! hia!)... breakfalls, sparring, etc. the ptis were crazy! but well, they had hearts of gold. i remembered sgt ivan. a gungho looking (a little crazy and cranky i thought) crew cut pti. but he hated the mentors to his guts. and whenever he saw us being punished, he would secretly protect us. remember the hell week i wrote about? well, sgt ivan kept us safe. when the mentors sent a cadet halfway through the pt lessons, sgt ivan knew it was to tekan us, he sent the cadet back and asked the cadet to relay the message to the mentor that they should respect the time allocated to him. he brought us to the training shed and let us rest there. we were forever grateful to him. (sadly, i heard he was charged with either insubordination or misconduct sometime after we passed out. and if i didn't recall wrongly, he died of some illness a few years later).

- the last field exercise in ocs were these exercises called ex panther and ex tiger. they were conducted back to back. ex panther was a platoon raid whereas ex tiger was a delay exercise. the exercises involved conducting coastal hooks from punggol to tekong, raid the communications station there, and then do another coastal hook to ubin as part of our efforts to disengage from the enemy. i had the misfortune to yet again be appointed a major ex appointment holder for the raid exercise. my second raid after taiwan. sighs...

- foot drills became the order of the day towards the last couple of weeks. we started having sword drills, wearing metal studded boots, peak caps, slow marches. it felt really good to be doing those drills and putting those horrible punishing days behind. and i vividly recalled what sgt arthur made us do - carry hankerchief. officers are gentlemen and gentlemen do not wipe their perspiration using their hands. he would scream at us. till today, i still carry hankerchief. :-)

- we were put through grooming lessons, don't wear white socks with black shoe, tan li lien (oc gazelle) would scream! use your cutlery from outside in... lessons to prepare us for dining in. talking about gazelle, the final weeks of ocs was kinda interesting. that was when the lady cadets returned from their ojt to pasir laba. and so apart from seeing ladies around (which was non-existent earlier), we also started hearing them singing during the morning runs... gazelle gazelle la la la... the first time we heard them, my buddy and i ran to the bunk window to take a look (for my bruneian buddy, to oogle i believed)!

- we went through the platoon assault course. gruelling weeks of training. we were the first batch to do it. and we put in all our efforts into it. it was an inter-platoon thing. we trained in the morning, rest for an hour, trained through lunch, rest an hour, trained through dinner. the pace was punishing. but after all that months of training and punishments, this was really nothing. we did not win in the end, but we had fun. when we crossed the end point, we were served chilled schweppes. it tasted like heaven!

- during one of the toughest time in senior term, one particular mentor who had returned from studies and who got attached to my platoon told us - "you guys must be like plasticine, the more you get whacked, the harder you get." yup, indeed. about a month before passing out, one of my platoonmate lost a magazine and another a saw weapon gas regulator during an exercise. we realized that when we returned to camp at about 3am. this angered our pc and our mentor. and we got turned out even before we could unpack our stuff. we were made to forced march back to the live firing area to search for the items. miraculously, we found them. and after that, we were again made to force march back to companyline. on top of this, we were also made to go around the siw/ safincos field a couple of rounds. and it was when the going got real tough when one of my platoon mates shouted out the words of the mentor - the harder you whack us, the stronger we get. and magic happened. we all regained our strengths. we sang out loud, no, we screamed out loud, our voices echoed in the quiet of the night when we did our rounds at siw/ safincos. it was so loud we woke the safincos trainees and they gathered at their window panes to look. it energized us further. nothing else could break us at that time. we were very very united as a platoon. and we pushed on faster. and it was clear to the mentors by then that we were no longer afraid of their physical punishments. and we could clearly see the mentors panting and falling behind us. we had finally outpaced them - physically and mentally. the feeling was exhilarating! everyone in the platoon felt it. after that incident, somehow, the mentors treated us with a little more respect. they started speaking to us nicely.

- echo company mounted a live firing exercise for the president before we passed out. as in all presidential visits, the camp was spruced up, we had to do our area cleaning... etc. murphy struck. after picking all the leaves we could possibly pick, we had a thunderstorm. and we were made to wake up at 3-plus am to do another round of area cleaning. and immediately after that, we had to prepare for the live firing. the live firing was so scripted and every step was so rehearsed that it became also unreal. but well, we knew the school could make no mistake. and we went along happily knowing that we would be passing out soon.

- towards the very last few weeks, we had our dining in and the certificate presentation ceremony. i was put in charge of decorating the whole auditorium and the companyline. and i had a lot of fun sculpting and painting the eagle, the bravo brave and the ocs scroll. even i myself was amazed with the 3-d effect when they were mounted.

- dining in was fun. we sang and we danced. and we screamed out our echo company song. together in electric dreams. that was the song that we never fail to sing in all our happy hours. many of us got drunk during the dining in. i remembered collapsing somewhere in some storeroom with a very good friend of mine (from bravo company). to be frank, i had a little crush on him. i remembered we were both trying to rip each other's shirt off. for me admittedly, it was in part due to my crush on him that i did what i did (i tried to loosen his pants too, and when he resisted, i stopped). but for him, i was sure it was not becos of some homosexual tendencies. anyway, we were just too warm and the place was really stuffy. of cos we were unsuccessful. we were just too drunk. we ended up sleeping side by side amongst many other of our peers. the lines between bravo and echo became blurred that night.

- as senior cadets, we had the honour of initiating the new junior cadets. and it was then that we realized how much we had gone through, how much we have grown - both in terms of character and our physical size. and certainly, we also learned we could and what we couldn't do to the new cadets. of course, we bitched about it ços we wanted to do what we experienced before to the new cadets. then again, our hands were tight.

- we saw new cadets staring with envy at us when we did our rehearsals. they were doing a lot of area cleaning... we could feel then that we were on "the other side". we were proud of our achievements. and our morale was very high. in that final 2-3 weeks, something happened. somehow, we felt transformed. we carried ourselves with a certain dignity and stature we never did before. we walked tall. we talked like seniors. well, at least i felt it. hmmm... perhaps it was in contrast to the new cadets. and personally, i thought we struck a certain awe in them when we talked to them. well...

- on the very final moments before the passing out parade, sgt arthur told us very strictly that we must return the arms and the stores after we march out of the parade square. he jokingly said that that was the last moment he could talk to us in such strict tone cos after we march out, he has to address us as "sir". well, that moment was a tat emotional for some of us.

- after all the rehearsals, we finally marched into the parade square on that evening of 22 mar 1986. in front of our proud families and friends. we survived ocs!

1985 - 2/85 iocc (1)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (2)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (3)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (4)

1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)

ps: about a week before we passed out, we got the gloomy news that hotel new world had collapsed.

senior term (2)

for this posting on my senior term part 2, i will talk about our training in taiwan.

if there is anything about my ocs i recalled most, it would be the punishments. no, not just the defaulters parade, or the turn outs or the holding of push up positions until our body contorted like crazy... it includes the formal punishments - yes, getting charged. you see, until then, i had never ever been punished formally, even during my recruit and junior term days. i have heard so much from people that it would be impossible to pass out of ocs without getting charged. i almost did not believe them until my overseas training in taiwan. let me talk a bit about taiwan.

for the exercise in taiwan, it was also similar to brunei in that we had topo followed by lots of exercises. what i remembered most about the topo exercise was this. there was a particular checkpoint up on lao fo shan (old buddha mountain) it was checkpoint "k". and after reaching that, our next checkpoint was at the base of the mountain. since we were not allowed to walk on tracks, we had to bash through the vegetation. we ended up descending the mountain by jumping from boulder to boulder along a dried up stream. after about 3 hours of jumping, my section mate leading the section suddenly screamed and refused to move any further. he insisted on climbing back up the mountain. the whole section went into a conflict mode. and then we realized why. there was a huge spider in front of us and is so happened that this section mate was arachnophobic! in the end, one of us took out our weapon and fired a blank onto the spider... (may the spider rest in peace!) and we continued our journey down the mountain.

as for the exercises, instead of being in the forest like in brunei, we were deployed on a ridgeline. a very windy ridgeline for that matter. the winds was so strong at times that we could literally suspend ourselves in the air. anyway, we dugged our trenches along the side of this ridgeline and stayed in it for 3 weeks. during the 3 weeks, we did the different types of platoon level missions. i could still remember the smell of the mint plants that we bashed through in the dark while on a platoon dawn attack mission. i was appionted ex platoon commander for a platoon raid. the exercise lasted 3 days and i hardly slept during that 3 days. anyway, it came and it went. as the finale for 3 weeks outfield in taiwan, we did a company dawn attack mission. it was during this time that i knew what people meant when they say one could fall sleep while he walks... heh heh... oh, by the way, 3 weeks in a trench was no joke. but of cos, after a while, we got used to it. my buddy and i even create little holes in the trench where we kept little fresh water crabs as pets! hahahaha...

ok, back to the formal punishment. what happened was towards the very end of the exercise, we had a company attack mission. as we close in towards the form-up place, we had to negotiate a rather steep slippery slope. all these while, the ocs commanding officer (a ltc lee meng tong) was walking behind me. as i tried to descend the slope, i slipped. naturally, i grabbed my rifle and next thing i knew, i misfired. before i knew it, lee mt towered over me and told me i will be charged. i ended up with no post exercise r&r, i got confined to base 4. and once i reached sgp, i was immediately charged and put on 7 (or was it 14?) days rp. sighs...
some little tidbits about my taiwan trip...

- before taiwan, we all ordered our jackets from a common vendor so that the whole company could don a common looking jacket. problem was, we all ended up getting confused which jacket belonged to who. heh heh...

- reporting early to camp (8pm if i recalled correctly). do the pasar malam of my hand luggage before making our way to changi airport to load up the charted plane. those time, we were made to wait along nichol drive at the back of the airport. interesting to see so many people peeing into the longkang at the wee hours of the night.

- loaded the aircraft and flew to taipei on a chartered flight. a sandwich and an apple was what we had on board. nothing near to the inflight food we knew about. and heh heh... in the plane, i had "fun" with another guy from my platoon... naughty me. but i was not out yet and felt really awkward after that...

- taking 2.5 tonners from taipei airport to base 4. 6-7hr journey. we were all in our black and whites and slept on the ali baba bags.

- taiwanese food was one helluva kind. sticky rice and sweet vegetables... ewww... but after a while, to us hungry cadets, any food is good food. sticky or not.

- i was confined during the r&r. and my daily routine revolved around area cleaning, area cleaning and more area cleaning. and as cadets, we were really nothing. i was asked to clean the toilets, dig the choked up drains, scrub the water tanks and what have yous.

- toilets in the base were the ultimate. it was a culture shock for most (if not all) of us. firstly, the partitions were so low that you could chit chat with your neighbour (who was also shitting) face to face. so, imagine if you have constipation! hahaha... secondly, the toilet bowl hole that you shit into open onto a common drain that serves all (yes! all) the toilet bowls. thus, when someone upstream finishes his business and flushes, the water will clear all the shit along the drain and if you are lucky enough to be at the last downstream toilet, you will get everybody's shit flowing pass you below your arse! and worst still, if someone's shit is anything but normal... ok, shall leave the rest to your imagination.

- for the bathing area, it was nothing but an open area. and in the middle of the area, you get a huge concrete tub of water. and we would all congregate around the tub, and scoop bailfuls of water to bath. well, i know some people are shy and some people cannot imagine how not to get a hard on when bathing in such communal fashion. but look here, as a cadet, we are either too hungry or too tired to even think of anything that could stir our loins! lol!

- some names we were familiar with were: chi4 niu2 ling3, heng2 chun1, man3 chou1, wan4 li3 de2 shan1, lao3 fo2 shan1, tai4 ping2 ting3, gui1 shan1, and so on... all prominent landmarks of southern taiwan.

1985 - 2/85 iocc (1)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (2)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (3)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (4)

1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)

tissue box

i think sapphie has been eating the tissue and the tissue box when i was at work!

tell tale sign no 1:
everytime i come home, the tissue box will be on the floor and there will be a lot of tissue chewed up and strewn all over the floor.

tell tale sign no 2:
i hardly use the tissue, but the tissue seemed to get lesser and lesser with each passing day. yesterday, the box of tissue finally got empty.

tell tale sign no 3:
i came home today and found the cover of the box on the floor. and there was only 2 small pieces of the box left lying beside the tissue box cover. i can find no other sign of the box anywhere else.

hmmm...

my senior term (1)

i entered my senior term sometime in sep 1985. it started off with us feeling a little uneasy as we had new cadets joining us. these were people form safincos as well as from the commandos. but well, over time, they managed to integrate into the platoon. the following are some of the things i remembered as a cadet in my senior term:

we had super fast canteen breaks. my platoon mentors did not believe in canteen breaks. or for that matter, any breaks. to get 5 minutes to run to the canteen, grab a drink and run back to class was considered a luxury. even our so called mess hour was no more than 5-10min. but well, we got by.

i got to know schweppes drink as a cadet. it was the drink that defined my stay in ocs. of cos, there was also the soya bean milk that my bruneian buddy always buy back after his nights out. it was funny but somehow, becos our instructors did not believe in canteen breaks, whatever breaks we got, we really cherish them and everything we gobbled down in that short span of time, we treasure them!

my mentors has this habit of punishing us. and they were rather sadistic when it came to punishments. we had things like leopard crawling back to our companyline from the peng kang hill (through the front gate, foxhound avenue, safincos/ siw field and pass the various ocs companylines). by the time we reach our companyline, many of us had our slack all tattled and torn. and for me, my knees and my elbows were bleeding from the rough tarmac road surfaces.

i vividly recalled one incident that developed into hell for the platoon during senior term. it lasted about a week plus. what happened was that we had a rough night and we decided to fall in a little later during the morning reveille. we ended up running 1 round less around the siw field. it so happened that one of the mentor (colin) stood at his bunk and counted our rounds. when he questioned how many rounds we ran, the platoon under-officer (cadet appointment holder) told him we did what we used to do. for that, the whole platoon was punished. colin told my pc and we got a good trashing from him. i recalled him saying this - since you guys cannot tell the truth, you guys are not worth to be treated like humans. from now on, we shall command you using our whistles... one whistle meant one type of punishment, two whistles mean another, and so on. and for the next week plus, we were simply punished non-stop. got turned out for change parade almost non-stop. made to go through defaulters parade almost daily after lunch. our lunch was 5 minutes for the whole platoon. what we did was - the first person got a trayful of food, the rest just run pass the tray, grab a spoonful, swallow, ran out and fall in and run back to do defaulter's parade. it was pure hell...

senior term was also characterised by a lot of platoon exercises. and with these exercises come many appointment holder and missions. to my instructors, these are perfect opportunities to humiliate us. frankly, i went through the training but did not learn much. i remembered i was a platoon commander for a raid mission. the exercise lasted 4 days. and all i recall was there was a lot of harrassment and a lot of scoldings as we went through the planning and rehearsals. during one particular moment, i got a earful from my mentors. but becos i was the type who smile a lot, i ended up irritating my mentors. in the end, i was harrassed even more by them...

senior term also involved 2 overseas exercises - brunei and taiwan. let me talk a bit more on brunei here. all i recall was us getting to the camp in a barge. it was a 6-hr barge ride. and once we arrived, it was non-stop packing/ unpacking, topo exercise followed almost immediately with sect patrolling, platoon missions before linking up to do a company mission.

for the topo exercise, i had fun. and it was fun not because of anything but because my buddy was a bruneian. and luck had it that our section's topo start point was his house! well, of course our instructors did not know. so... what happened was, we debussed, got despatched, bashed into the vegetation, and waited for night fall. then we went to his house, slept through the night and the next morning, his relative drove us to a location close to the check point... heh heh...

exercise-wise, well, those days we did a lot of section patrols. and the patrols were all those cauldron and thrust, and what have yous. cannot recall much except that it involved a lot of walking and walking. frankly, i think most cadets, once they go into exercise-mode, they just switch off, let the appointments gabra and just follow orders. well, that was what happened. and it went on and on and on... seemed like forever... and that it was platoon patrolling for another 2 days before linking up to do a company mission.

during the final company mission, i was part of the block force and we had to carry the 84 rrs, the gpmg and lots of ammo. and to get to the block position, we had to continuously bash through lallang non stop for couple of hours. it was mentally torturing not knowing the direction of move as all around us, the lallang looked the same. and once we got to our block position, the assault started and soon enough the reinforcement came. we were put on pressure to conduct a leap and frog back to the objective. that was about 1-2km away. by the time we reached the objective, my oc refused to cut the exercise until we move up to the top of the objective to deploy, which we did. once we were deployed, oc declared the exercise end. that was the only time many of my peers and i literally knelt down, and cried unabashedly. we were simply too exhausted physically and mentally.

all in all, it was almost a non-stop 3 week stay in the jungle. and of cos being in a tactical exercise, we were not allow to talk. we could only whisper to each other. by the end of all the exercises, we came back to camp and we continued whispering without realizing that we could talk normally!

the following were some additional tidbits about our brunei training:

- that was the first time we saw cicadas! and our pc aka ho hc was so proud to show us how to catch queen cicadas, how to set up our mosquito nets so that the cicadas do not crash into us while we sleep and so on. and of cos, to top off all show-offs, he proudly caught a young green cicada, pulled off its head and all its legs and chewed the torso... ewww.

- for reasons unknown, we were given condoms for our brunei trip. and i remembered this becos being young and well,... innocent, that was the first time many of us came close to a condom. well, of cos, it was kinda exciting for me... and a little embarrassing. but well, all it needed was for my pc to make fun of the condom by blowing a balloon out of it. i remembered cos we were all asked to assemble in the bunk after the exercises as our pc wanted to talk to us. and i recalled him telling us that "we fuckers are young and still virgins and many of us have not even done it with women before" and then he took out a condom and blow it... heh heh...

1985 - 2/85 iocc (1)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (2)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (3)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (4)

1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)

my junior term

ocs was a nice homely place compared to itd. that was my first impression. but as soon as we arrived and debussed, all homeliness feel disappeared. we were hurried to our bunks, and told to fall in immediately for lunch. we promptly assembled at the chin-up bar and quickly, sgt arthur appointed a cadet platoon commander (platoon under-officer) - i recall the guy who was appointed - he was from my section and was a stout chap. (he eventually got out of course)... anyway, it was hard luck for us cos this first appointment holder was a kancheong spider. he was so kancheong that he fumbled in everything he did. and it didn't help for the fact that he murmur and salivate when he talked.... eeewww...

anyway, that was the start of my junior term. i couldn't recall much of my junior term except that we had a really horrible experience with our junior term initiation by the alpha/ charlie senior cadets followed a ceremony at the audit where we were made to recite our cadet pledge before we were given our junior term bars. after that, we were considered to be 'formally' accepted as part of the cadet family. the first week comprised lots of dirty gdman work for the senior passing out cadets. we had to do lots of area cleaning for them as they go through their dining in and passing out parades. for us new birds, seeing them in their fine ceremonial and mess kits really motivated us to want to give our best for our 9 months stay.

my platoon commander was this pti-trained officer called ho hc. he was a lieutenant and boy was he a bastard! he was a guardsman and was everything an officer shouldn't be. he was openly against my officer commanding (oc) and the politics was played out so clearly in front of us cadets. and often, many of us got caught in between the two of them. on one hand, we were drilled in values like complete integrity, daring initiative, undaunted will-power, etc... but from him, we saw insubordination, lack of teamwork, etc. and he nicely disguise insubordination as daring initiative, and undaunted will-power! sad, but well, we were lowly critters and could only watch quietly.

i had 4 mentors (they used the term mentor to refer to section instructors and each section comprise 10 persons). the first one was called yang ps. he was a heavy smoker. smoked so much we could smell him from a distance away. he was no different from a walking cigarette. anyway, to me, he was the cutest (best of the worst). and of cos, he was my section mentor and i adored him most. the second one was called colin. a skinny fellow who was also very fair. in fact, he was so fair that when he walked around the field at night, he looked like some wondering spirit lost in space. he was also the most ang mo kantang of the 4. couldn't recall much of the third one. if i remember correctly, it was a chap called chim cm. another sadistic chap. he was the most hokkien peng amongst the 4. the fourth one was the most classic. couldn't recall his name (tan something) but vividly remembered his face and of cos, his height. he was a super short chap. in fact, the story went that after he passed out, he was selected to be a mentor. then ocs had a change of commander and a new policy was passed that no one with his height should ever become a mentor. if i recall correctly, he was about 1.5m tall. anyway, we called him parrot. this was becos he always echo what the other mentors said. he echoed almost everything including the swear words... well...

as for my platoon sergeant, he was called arthur. sergeant arthur to be accurate. an indian, his complexion was so dark you couldn't see him once it got dark. but he had really nice set of beautiful white teeth. so you can imagine the contrast when he smiles during field exercises at night. anyway, he was a nice fellow. being the only non-commissioned officer (nco) amongst all the officers (we call them occifers), he was naturally more empathetic to our states of life. but mostly, he kept to himself. there was another one person who stayed on our barrack-line. he was a pti. nice quiet chap. young and probably a little older than us. didn't get to interact with him much but many many years down the line in the early 2000s, i found out he is also gay... but that would be another story.

training-wise, for junior term, we had a few topo exercises, blindmap, greensleeves, and what have yous... i remembered this incident where i went out for topo exercise in the mosquito ring area. it was in the middle of the night and it was pitch dark. there was a lot of bashing through the ferns. once, i lost my balance and fell onto a thick clump of bushes. it so happened that the bush was those plants that had lots of thin spikey thorns. i ended with a few of the spike piercing through my boots and lodging into my legs. i also had a thorn pierced and lodged inside my elbow. after getting back to companyline, my bruneian buddy took a while to slowly remove the thorn one by one. a couple of days passed but the wound on my elbow refused to heal. it swelled further and it got inflamed. i reported to my cwo(company warrant officer) and told him i wanted to report sick. but instead, i got a scolding from him and accusing me of wanting to malinger. a couple of days later, the wound burst, and together with the pus, a thorn dropped out. hmmm...

and of cos we also had section level packages in pulau tekong where we were tekaned left-right-center everyday. you see, we had section missions daily. and the program was so predictable after the first two days... we would be made to do section patrols... we would be required to navigate from the start point, bash through some secondary forest and do an assault on an objective. and then someone (usually a fat one) would be declared casualty and we would be required to evacuate him back to basecamp... and we would be so exhausted many of us literally fell onto the ground on all fours and some would be crying... yet the instructors knew no compassion, they threatened to declare more casualties (which they did)... and we would end up having one person evacuate another for a couple of kilometers...

anyway, junior term flashed by very very quickly.

1985 - 2/85 iocc (1)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (2)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (3)

1985 - 2/85 iocc (4)

1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)

fridae no more

i deleted my fridae account today. after 6 years...

:-)

bright side of life

this seemed rather gay. or is it just me?

:-)

being at peace

be silent… and experience your inner noise… when your inner noise quietens, you are truly happy.

how many of us can do this? can we even be silent? for a moment?