Retirement & I

I read a blog by RB reflecting on his post-working life and it got me thinking of my own journey too. My "retirement" journey, that is. I have placed the word "retirement" in parentheses because I do not define retirement in the "traditional sense" - where one stops working professionally after decades of work. It is too narrowly defined, imo. To me, retirement is a state of mind - a state where one is financially stable and does what is meaningful to him. This definition is independent of work. As such, one can be working (or otherwise) and still be considered retired.

In Sgp, the current retirement age is 64 and this will be increased to 65 by 2030. For me, I told myself that I would want to continue working even after my retirement age. And I would work for the engagement, and not for the salary. This is important to me because, as a single gay person, apart from a couple of close friends, working is an important means to keep engaged with the community and society at large. It keeps one emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. 

This underpinned my decision to become a freelancer, and freelance in roles that are meaningful to me. This made me think deeply about "what is meaningful to me". It made me reflect on my purpose in life. It was a difficult thought process that took me years to crystallise. The latest articulation of it is simply this: to be able to help people and society. With this thought, the choice of what I wanted to do became clearer. I would be a coach, a mentor and a trainer. These are roles where I can help people, share my experiences, and support people as they navigate life, professionally or personally.

I am a realist when it comes to age. Like it or not, the society we live in is an ageist one. And as an HR person, I am very well aware that when people (read: employers) see the "6" in front of your age, whatever value you can contribute to them will take a backseat, and your resume gets put away. So I left my corporate life end-2023, at the age of 57 to prepare myself. To be a coach, trainer and mentor, there were skills, certifications and networks that I needed to establish. And I needed to get all these settled by the time I reached 60. 

I am now 3 months shy of 60. I have obtained the necessary certifications and I have established myself as a qualified trainer, a professional coach and a mentor. The training companies I have signed up with recognise my value and come to me when there are projects. I have the prerogative to accept or decline the projects when they are offered. For coaching, I have been doing it on a pro-bono basis, as and when my base of clients comes to me. Although the frequency is not as high as training, the coaching sessions have been deeply meaningful. The same goes for mentoring.

When I talk about retirement, it goes beyond just work and keeping engaged. There are tangibles, such as finances, housing, and so on that must be considered. I am grateful that the financial audit I did before leaving corporate gave me a clarity of how much I actually need - operational cost, in corporate lingo. This provided me with the basis to accept or reject training opportunities. I just need to train enough to sustain my lifestyle without needing to dip into my savings. It has worked wonderfully well for me thus far. I am, of course, definitely more conscious of my spending these days. But that is a good thing. I am in control of it.

On a broader scale, I have also considered the longer-term financial aspects, such as CPF and housing. After a long thought process, I am ready to liquidate my current apartment and move to public housing. I have already started the application process. The aim is to purchase one at a location of my choice. If the application is successful, the construction will take 3-plus years, and I should be able to move in when I am 63, or latest 64. My CPF LIFE will kick in at 65. With these tangible aspects in place, I am reasonably confident I have put myself in a financially comfortable position for the rest of my life.

What I have captured above are, in many ways, the easier aspects of post-corporate life planning. What is probably the most challenging for me is my sense of self-identity. I have alluded to it when I mentioned "purpose" earlier. For the longest time in my life, my identity had been closely linked to my professional identity. Leaving corporate, having time in my own hands, forced me to revisit my identity and the whole purpose in life.

What am I? Who am I?

Thinking deeply about my purpose also forced me to look at my beliefs and my values. It took me a long while to look inwards and re-examine myself. I am sure my "purpose" will morph as time passes, and with it, my daily habits and lifestyle. But I am not in a rush. After all, time is what I have now. And I give myself permission to take my time as I relearn about myself, to relax, to pursue my hobbies, to work, to go on holidays, or, simply, to do nothing. Importantly, what is most meaningful to me is to be aware, to live in the present moment, to be grateful, to be compassionate to others and to self, and to live life mindfully.

Ultimately, it’s my life and I decide how I live it. I am in control. I define what retirement is and...

I retire on my terms.

Super Sad

Last night, I had 2 very disturbing dreams, although I can only recall one of them. 

I was standing outside the grille of a place (perhaps a prison cell? or a home?), and Sapphie, my dog, was inside. For some reason, I didn’t want to show myself because I didn’t want the occupants to know I was there. So I called out to her softly. She didn’t respond, so I moved closer, whistled, and called her name again. This time, she heard me. Her ears twitched, and she turned her head to look in my direction and she started whining. But she didn’t come to the grille because I was hidden from view. 

In that half-asleep state, it hit me suddenly that she had been dead for more than a decade. The blurred line between the dream and reality was very confusing. And, at that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I told myself that I needed to remember this dream. 

Then I drifted back to sleep.

RIP

T just passed…

I cannot explain - my phone was on silent for all calls, but my phone notification was activated when the message of his passing came through; I was asleep but woke up and decided to check my phone, the message came in right when I picked up my phone…

RIP my friend…

Impending Departure

T’s condition continues to deteriorate. 

We were told he could pass away any time. Seeing him suffer, I believe we have all reached a point where we simply wish for him to go peacefully. Nonetheless, I can sense that D is still grappling with the impending loss. It was most evident when D mentioned that T wants to visit certain places, and he sighed as he shared this. Earlier, I had a brief chat with D and shared that even as we begin to grief the impending departure, we should also appreciate the good times spent with T, the camaraderie and the times spent supporting each.

Hopefully, this conversation helps him.

Grateful 15 & 16 May: T

It has been two meaningful days for me, and both centred around T, my terminally ill friend. I want to talk about it here, and also share what I am grateful for. 

• T. I have known T since last July. It was through D that I got to know him much better. Without going into too much detail, there was once when T walked past me and handed me a sweet. I appreciated that simple gesture very much, and on another occasion, I went up to thank him. That was how we first got to know each other. I later learnt from D that T had initially mistaken us to be partners. Nonetheless, the 3 of us eventually spent quite a bit of time together. It came as quite a rude shock when he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. His cancer was highly aggressive, and within the last 6 months, he had deteriorated to the point where he is now mostly bedridden. He has been given a prognosis of a few weeks to, at most, 2 - 3 months. I am grateful for his friendship. It may have been short, but I can see that he is of good character, and I deeply appreciate the warmth and kindness he has shown me. 

• T’s siblings. Over the past few weeks, I have gotten to know T’s siblings and spoken with them on many occasions. They do not know the circumstances of how D and I came to know T, nor do they know that both of us are gay. On one occasion, it was slightly awkward when T’s sister asked me about my wife and children, but I politely changed the topic. Nonetheless, I am grateful to them for being so hospitable and gracious towards us, and for treating us as T’s close friends. 

• Visit to River Wonders. T had expressed a wish to visit River Wonders to see pandas. He had never seen a real panda before, and Wish Ambulance Singapore organised the visit for him. T invited D and I to join him and his siblings. It was a lovely visit, though also a poignant one, knowing this could possibly be the last time he would leave the hospice alive. The mood throughout the visit felt heavy in an unspoken way. Everyone was cheerful and happy to see the animals and the panda, but at the same time, we could all see how tired he was and how much effort it took for him to keep going. The visit lasted only about 4 - 5 hours, but it was obvious that it had completely drained him by the time the visit ended. I am grateful he invited me. It gave me the opportunity to know his family better and to be part of what may well be his final outing. 

• Supporting T & D. D and I visited him again today, and he had clearly not recovered from the outing. He was exhausted and could barely stay awake most of the time we were there. D and I chatted quietly while he slept, occasionally coughing and needing to clear his sputum. I could also sense D managing his own grief as he watched T slowly fade away. It was a sombre sight. I told myself that I want to be there as much as my schedule allows - not just to keep T company, but also to support D during this period. I am grateful that I can be there for both of them in some small way. 

So this post is really about T. I would not dare to say that I know him very well, but when a friend is in this state of health, it is difficult not to reach out. I am grateful that he opened up and extended his friendship to me. He is straight, but very accepting and comfortable around us. D often tells me that T would say I am a little too serious and should loosen up more. He also liked teasing me together with some of our mutual friends. I am glad that I can be around to bring him some comfort and to support him as he walks through these final weeks of his life.

Grateful 13 & 14 May: Showing Up...

I think I have found a new routine over the last two weeks, and I am glad I did. I have been visiting my friend T regularly whenever my schedule allows, and it has been something very meaningful for me. I would usually visit him with D, and through these visits, I have also gotten to know D better. Apart from visiting T, my days have also been filled with activities such as attending events, meeting friends and simply staying connected with people. The past two days were very much like that. As I consolidate my thoughts tonight, I want to give thanks for the following: 

• Grandma’s Death Anniversary. Yesterday, I made a trip to the columbarium to commemorate my grandma’s 51st death anniversary. I believe I am the only one in my generation who still does this. I was glad that the skies cleared when I visited. It turned out to be a lovely visit. Being a weekday, the columbarium was quiet and almost empty. Rather than making me think about death, the many tombstones and niches reminded me of the countless stories that each departed person carried in life. In a way, cemeteries and columbaria are like huge libraries that preserve the stories of the past. They connect us to our ancestors, our memories and ultimately, our own stories. On a separate note, it was interesting that when I updated my aunt about visiting my grandma’s niche, she remarked that grandma had passed on so long ago that it was probably no longer useful to burn joss paper, since she would not be able to enjoy whatever we offered. It was such a cute yet practical remark. To me, paying respect to our ancestors is as much about remembering them as it is about remembering the living and the values they left behind in us. This year, I did not make any offerings. Instead, I made a small donation to the temple in her name, and somehow, that felt more meaningful. 

• Meeting K. I met K for tea after visiting the columbarium, and we had a very nice catch-up. It had been quite some time since we last met, as he has been busy adjusting to his new job. It was such a coincidence that he was free yesterday. I was also glad that I managed to convince him to visit T with me today. T was so happy to see K, and I felt grateful to have been able to bring him some joy and companionship, even if only for a while. 

• Chatting with B. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with B last evening. We spoke about many things, including our families and our respective practices when it comes to remembering and respecting the departed. B is from Malaysia, and Malaysians tend to commemorate such occasions in a much louder and more traditional manner. Yet, from what he shared, I sensed that the underlying familial bonds and filial piety are very similar. I shared with him about commemorating my grandma’s anniversary, and he was surprised that I still continue to do so more than 50 years after her passing. It was a lovely conversation, and I felt deeply warmed by the exchange. 

• Growth.  I attended an AI workshop today, and it was surprisingly fun. We learnt how to create apps, images and videos using AI tools. This workshop is the first of many sessions aimed at helping us better understand AI and how it can support our work and daily lives. One thing I appreciated was the effort being made to help ordinary people become more comfortable with AI instead of being left behind by it. We will also receive fundings sponsored by the government to subscribe to some AI tools after the workshop, which I am thankful for. Personally, I make it a point to attend such workshops not simply because they are free of charge, but because they keep me engaged with the larger community. More importantly, they provide me with opportunities to continue learning and staying updated with what is happening in the world around us. I am looking forward to exploring more in the months ahead. 

These were some of the highlights from the past 2 days. As I reflect on them, I realise how much this season of life has become centred around presence - being present for friends, staying connected to memories of loved ones, and continuing to learn and grow. That, probably, is what growing older is increasingly about: not chasing after big moments, but quietly showing up for people, memories and experiences that matter. For all these moments, both quiet and meaningful, I am deeply grateful.

Grateful 4 & 5 May: Wake

It’s been two long days attending and helping out at the wake. Tomorrow is the funeral. The prayers will start at 7:45am and the cremation will be at 9:30am. I need to leave my place at 6am, so I’m going to keep this post short and simply focus on what I am grateful for. 

• Managing the Living. It was supposed to be a Buddhist funeral, but when I first arrived at the wake, I noticed all the Taoist paraphernalia - paper house, car, gold and silver mountains, and other elaborate offerings. I later learned that another aunt had raised the need, and my cousins had dutifully arranged for them. The exact same thing happened during my dad’s funeral. It reminded me once again that funerals are not just about honouring the dead, but also about comforting the living. Sometimes people do certain things not because they believe in them, but because they want to give others peace of mind, avoid regret, and allow everyone to grieve without conflict. I was grateful that the family understood this and chose harmony over insistence. 

• Folding Joss Paper. Given that it’s a Buddhist-Taoist funeral, much of the last two days was spent folding joss paper. Everyone chipped in quietly. Perhaps what’s important was not about preparing offerings for the deceased but more about what it did for the living. Sitting together, folding paper and chatting in between moments of silence gave us space to gather, reconnect, and simply be present with one another. I’m thankful for this simple yet meaningful tradition. 

• Funeral Preparations. It was touching to see everyone dressed according to their generation’s colour. At a glance, you could tell who were from my generation (the children), my nieces and nephews (the grandchildren), and my grandniece and grandnephew (the great-grandchildren). It reminded me that funerals are not just about death, but also about continuity - about family lines, relationships, and belonging. These traditions may appear old-fashioned to some, but I find something deeply meaningful in them. They bring structure and clarity during a time when emotions can easily feel overwhelming. 

Tomorrow will no doubt be emotional. But more than anything else, I find myself grateful to witness how closely knit this family is. Over these two days, I have watched them look out for one another in both big and small ways - helping with funeral matters, checking in on one another, reminding each other to eat, and making sure no one carries the burden alone. In moments like this, you see clearly what family truly means. And I am grateful to be part of that extended family.

Orphan

“I’m finally an orphan at 64 years old” my cousin said. 

Grateful 3 May: RIP

My aunt just passed on 2 hours ago. I am still processing the news even as I type this. So let me keep this short and give thanks for: 

• My Aunt. She was in her 90s and had lived a long and full life. I was about to leave my Buddhist class when my cousin’s WhatsApp came in: “My mum just passed away at the hospital.” Everything came to a standstill for a moment. I last saw her during CNY and she was already frail then. I may not have been as close to her as I was to another aunt, but the passing of an elder in the family still carries weight. Her quiet presence over the years helped hold the extended family together, and I am grateful for that. 

• My Cousins. I am thankful to my cousins for rallying around my aunt during her final years. They have consistently included me in their regular family gatherings, and that gave me a strong sense of belonging. In particular, I am grateful to PL for remembering me and informing me of her passing. We had spoken before about managing the eventuality of my aunt’s passing. The next few days will no doubt be emotionally and physically draining for her and the rest of the family. For this evening, I will give them space to settle the immediate arrangements and visit tomorrow when things are a little more settled. 

• My Extended Family. We all move through different phases of life, and I am at an age where family gatherings increasingly happen at what we Chinese call “white events” rather than “red events”. In the coming days, I will likely reconnect with many of my other cousins and relatives during the wake. Despite the occasion, there is something quietly comforting about families coming together again. Perhaps this too is part of what keeps a family connected across generations.

My aunt was in her 90s and, mentally, I think all of us knew her passing would come sooner rather than later. Still, when it finally happens, it feels unsettling. Yet beneath the sadness, I also sense other emotions - gladness that her passing was peaceful, relief that her suffering has ended, gratitude that she was surrounded by family in her final moments, and a quiet sense of celebration for a life that was long lived. And perhaps my cousin expressed it best when he said, “Mom is in a better place and she is finally reunited with my dad once again.” 

RIP Ah Kor.

Grateful 30 Apr: Energies

I have made a commitment to live my life with a sense of purpose and compassion, and being a coach has allowed me to do just that. The thing about coaching and supporting people is that you get to walk alongside them through their journeys. You experience their excitement, their disappointments, their uncertainties, and sometimes even their quiet acceptance of where life is taking them. That was what I experienced today. I caught up with a few friends, and what struck me was how differently each of them navigated their own defining moments. I’m grateful to have been part of their journeys, even if only for a while. 

• Enthusiasm. A friend shared that her interview had been short and that she did not expect much from it. Even so, she appreciated the opportunity to practise her interviewing skills and treated it as a useful experience. Later in the day, I received an enthusiastic text from her saying that she had received two offers from two other companies. You could almost feel the excitement through the message. It’s indeed a good position to be in. “Sleep on it, think through the offers, and respond next week,” I suggested. I’m genuinely happy for her and grateful that she trusted me enough to let me walk this part of the journey with her. 

• Matter of Fact. I had a long lunch with a friend who has cancer. I’ve kept in touch with her over the past few years since leaving the company. As always, I checked in on her health. She shared very matter-of-factly that her condition has not improved and that she does not expect to live beyond another three to five years. She has already planned for her end-of-life care and funeral arrangements. There was something sobering about hearing her speak about it so calmly, almost pragmatically. Yet, that has always been who she is. I’ve always admired her zest for life and the courage with which she faces her condition head-on. 

• Quiet. I also touched base with another who had been terminated, and today was her last day. She did not say much, and her responses were mostly brief, one-word replies. I could sense her quiet mood, and perhaps it was understandable, considering she had spent quite a few years with the company. Her last day was a quiet affair - de-kitting, returning her belongings, packing up her things, and leaving. No drama, no confrontation, just a chapter coming to an end. Still, I was glad she could leave with some dignity and closure, and I wished her all the very best for whatever comes next. I’m thankful to have walked alongside her through this difficult period. 

It’s been an interesting day. Three different people, each navigating their own defining moments in very different ways - one stepping into new possibilities with excitement, one facing mortality with calm acceptance, and one quietly closing a long chapter of her life. Life moves differently for all of us. Today, I was allowed to witness a small part of these journeys. Above all, supporting them through these moments also reminded me why I chose this path for myself - to live purposefully and compassionately. For that, I am grateful.

Grateful 28 & 29 Apr: Navigating X

I didn’t post an entry yesterday. I was too drained and by the time I wanted to, it was close to midnight. I chose to prioritise rest. So for today, I want to pen a few things that I am grateful for over these 2 days: 

• Navigating Life. I had an over 3-hour chat with a peer coach who is going through quite a bit at the moment. I could relate to many of the challenges she shared - depression, retrenchment, losing loved ones and so on. I have experienced these on a personal level. On my way home, she texted me to express deep gratitude - for helping her process her thoughts and giving her clarity on what to focus on moving ahead. In turn, I felt grateful for the chat. It reminded me of the principles I have come to hold on to - and how I want to show up for others. 

• Navigating Career Choices. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with an ex-colleague who is currently between jobs and overwhelmed by multiple responses from potential employers. We walked through her thought process together. These decisions are not easy, especially when they intersect with personal, financial, and family considerations - made more difficult by competing priorities in the short and long term. We slowed things down to make sense of what actually mattered to her. 

• Navigating Career Directions. In a separate conversation with another person, we spoke at length about career and direction. It has been 3 years of such regular sessions, and I notice recurring themes. Yet, despite intentions to follow up, much is often not acted upon. I could sense selective listening - he focused on what felt important in the moment, but avoided the core issues. I recognised that pattern. I have been there myself. Still, these conversations give him a space to speak openly. It also means something that he is able to share things he does not even tell his wife - his deepest fears and thoughts. 

• Navigating Termination. I had been in conversation with someone about her termination. It had been a long, drawn-out process, and I was glad she has finally accepted the terms offered by her employer. She will be leaving tomorrow. I managed to speak with her today to check in on how she is doing and whether there is anything I can help with. It was good to see her in high spirits - a huge contrast to the downtrodden and angry person I spoke with two months back. I am glad she is able to part on good terms.

• Navigating Finality. I visited T at the hospital again. This time, the conversation took a more sombre turn. He shared that he has decided to stop all treatments and be transferred to a community hospital to spend his final days. He spoke about it in a very matter-of-fact way - no bitterness, no sadness, just a quiet acceptance of the journey ahead. It was also a practical decision. There is no cure, and any further treatment would only prolong the pain. I mostly kept quiet and listened as he shared his thoughts. There was no need to respond. If anything, I wasn’t sure what I could say. In a way, I am glad he has come to this decision. 

It is empowering to know that people around me feel comfortable reaching out when they are at crossroads. Draining as it can be, I am glad to walk with them through their thought processes. At the same time, I recognise that showing up for people is not always about guiding or helping them find answers. Sometimes it is about asking the right questions. Sometimes it is about holding space. And sometimes, like today, it is simply about being present and bearing witness, without needing to say anything at all. I am grateful for the trust and for the opportunity to be part of these moments. In their own way, they continue to shape how I understand presence and patience.

Grateful 27 Apr: In Sickness & In Health

Today passed very quickly. It felt as though one moment flowed into the next, and before I knew it, the day had ended. Today centred around people - people I connected with, and who in turn shared their challenges and experiences with me. Let me reflect on what happened today, and what I am grateful for.

• Letting Go. I visited T again at the hospital. It was good to see him still able to chat despite his pain. More importantly, he was able to speak openly about his condition and prognosis - about 3 months. What stood out was his clarity. He spoke about having done what mattered to him, having had the closures he needed, and being ready to go whenever the time comes. It was not an easy conversation and I had to be extremely sensitive. We agreed that all of us (myself included) have an expiry date and that we are all in the same queue. The only difference is - we do not know when our turn is and that it is beyond us, 人算不如天算. I was glad I could simply be present and hold space for him in that moment. If anything, I hope it gave him an outlet to express what was in his heart.

• Celebrating Health. I went for my regular health check today, a follow-up to the urine and blood tests from a couple of weeks ago. There were no concerns. My health markers were all in good range, and the doctor agreed to gradually reduce some of my medication, with the intention of eventually stopping them altogether. This feels like a reassuring step forward in my health journey.

• Celebrating Life. In a separate conversation with a former colleague turned coachee turned friend, I learned that he has moved into a new place. At the same time, he shared that his wife had found a lump in her breast and gone for a biopsy. It came as a shock to me, and I could sense the worry beneath his words. Later in the evening, he updated me that the result was benign. What a relief. That news lifted the emotional weight of the day quite a bit. There were also other brief exchanges - another friend sharing about dealing with alopecia and wanting to meet, and another letting me know she had taken a step towards becoming a coach.

Today was ultimately about people in different states of their journey - some facing uncertainty, some finding relief, and others moving forward. Through these conversations, I am reminded of how closely life and vulnerability are intertwined. I am left with a deep appreciation for the chance to witness these moments, and to be present, even briefly, in the lives of those who crossed my path today.

Grateful 26 Apr: 生老病死

I’m in a reflective mood today. I’m at an age where I can look back and appreciate the various stages of life. I am grateful for life’s experiences, with all their ups and downs. It so happened that today, I came face to face with many aspects of life’s realities. So let me reflect a little on them here. 

• Birth 生. It’s nice to see birthday greetings coming in for an ex-colleague in the group chat this morning (even as she subsequently clarified that her birthday was last month). Still, I’m grateful for this positive moment, especially as it balances the recent news of the hospitalisation of a friend and another friend’s mother. 

• Growing Old 老. I’m growing older by the day, and I’m better able to appreciate the aches and pains my parents used to talk about. I’m experiencing it now - waking up with aches and feeling like the body needs time to warm up. But I also recognise that being where I am is not a bad thing. I have accumulated life experience, and nothing quite replaces lived experience. In that sense, I am grateful for the wisdom that life has bestowed.

• Falling Sick 病. I woke up feeling my flu worsening. I didn’t sleep well, given the blocked nose, scratchy throat, and frequent coughing - so much so that I had to wake up to take some honey to soothe my throat. Still, I made it a point to head out for my meals and to pay a visit to T. Part of me knows I should have rested, but another part of me didn’t want to give in to being unwell. Reflecting on this, not feeling well has raised my awareness of the good health I have generally enjoyed. For that, I give thanks. I am reminded that things move in cycles, and perhaps the lesson for me is not just to push through, but also to know when to slow down and recuperate.

• Death 死. I have experienced many deaths in my life - my parents, cousins, friends, colleagues, and even my pets. That is the reality of the journey every one of us will take. I received a message last night that T, my friend with oesophageal cancer, has been hospitalised again. I have witnessed how his health has deteriorated so quickly over the past few months. I visited him in the hospital. Much as I’d love to, I didn’t stay long as it was painful for him to speak. From our conversation, I sensed his frustrations with how this illness is dragging and a quiet acceptance of the eventuality. I just listened and held space for him. I’m grateful to him for the friendship, and I can only wish him comfort and be present for him.

It’s interesting that in the course of a single day, I am reminded of life’s realities - birth, growing old, falling sick, and death, or in Chinese, 生老病死. This is a journey all of us must go through, and as a Buddhist, I accept and embrace it. More importantly, it reminds me to be more intentional with how I live each day - not just to stay present, but to choose where I place my time and energy while I still can.

Grateful 22 Apr: Support

There are many things I am grateful for today - completing my training preparations, a conducive environment to work, enjoying nasi padang after quite a while (even though it was superbly expensive), and more. But I want to call out a few in particular: 

• Taking Ownership. As I had shared before, there have been changes in leadership for my training, and processes are now being split between the Sgp and overseas offices. Today, I attended a briefing by the Sgp office, which followed up on my earlier conversation with the overseas rep earlier this week. I am glad that things were clarified, and I am grateful that those involved are taking ownership and actively working to ensure nothing falls through the cracks. 

• Support. I was chatting with D, and the conversation turned rather sombre. It was about T’s (our common friend) worsening health, and how D is feeling the weight knowing there is only so much he can do. It seems to me that he is already going through the grieving process, even though T has not yet left us. Being alongside someone who is dying is something most of us will face at some point. Having gone through this many times, I have learned and possibly better prepared to navigate such conversations. I am glad I could share with D how to be present and support T in his final days. Hopefully, it helps him come to terms with what lies ahead. In this, I am grateful for the experiences I have had over the years. 

• Preparing for Interview. L is a colleague-turned-friend, and I had the opportunity to speak with her early this morning as she prepares for an upcoming interview. I am grateful for her trust in giving me the space to share some thoughts on how she might approach the conversation. I surprised myself by how naturally I was able to offer a range of practical pointers. 

It was a day that started early and ended well, knowing that I was able to support my friends through their various challenges - and for that, I am grateful.

Grateful 13 Apr: Reset & Reignite

It is not often that I feel glad about the start of a new week, especially when weekdays and weekends no longer mean much to me after leaving corporate life. But that was exactly how I felt today. Somehow, the start of this week helped me reset and refocus. So here are the things I am grateful for: 

• The Next Module. A new week does seem to bring a different kind of energy. It nudged me to start looking at next week’s module, even as I wrapped up the current one. The last time I taught this module was in March last year, and going through the content again, I realised much updates need to be done. That said, I surprised myself a little by completing almost 30% of it today - which is fast, by my standards. 

• A Visit by B. B came over with dinner, and we spent the evening chatting about his recent 3-week trip to Spain and Portugal. It was a very easy and relaxing evening, and I am glad for the company. One of the reasons for his visit was to collect the pot of ficus that I had marcotted, and I am glad the plant now has a new home. More than that, I appreciate these simple moments when a friend drops by and we just spend time together. 

• A Renewed Interest. Listening to B talk about his trip across Portugal and Spain, and the different places he visited, stirred something in me. Maybe it is time to start planning again. The last time I planned a trip to Europe was in 2019, but COVID-19 disrupted those plans and I put everything on hold. Since then, I have not seriously considered it, mainly because of concerns about cost. But hearing about his trip made it feel far more doable than I had imagined. I am grateful for that realisation - it got me thinking again. 

• Being Present. Before I conclude, I thought it is worth mentioning one more thing - my friend A called me, in tears, feeling sad, helpless and overwhelmed about the impending passing of a loved one. Experiences like this is part and parcel of life (and death) and often laden with very heavy emotions. I am thankful for his trust, and I am glad I could be there to hold space for him. 

So yes, these were the main highlights of my day - a good start to the week, meaningful progress on work, being present for someone who needed support, and a renewed interest in travel. It feels like one of those days where different parts of my life came together in a simple but meaningful way. And for all that unfolded today, I am grateful.

Grateful 2 Apr: Departures

It is a day of departures - something we are often inclined to meet with sadness. Yet, if we can learn to accept endings as readily as we accept beginnings, they may also become moments for reflection, and perhaps even gratitude. Here is why I have titled today’s post “Departures”:

• Termination. My team lead flew in to the overseas head office yesterday at short notice, which left many of us curious and concerned. This afternoon, we received a message from him in the our group chat informing us that he had been terminated due to “business reasons”. The news came as a shock to all of us. He has been a stalwart of the team since its inception, and his sudden departure was entirely unexpected. Whatever the reasons, I remain thankful to him - for bringing me into the team and for his steady support over the past year. He has been the glue that held the team together, and his presence will be deeply missed. I wish him well in whatever comes next. 

• Death. An ex-colleague, who was once part of my team and whom I had been coaching over the past two years, shared with us via text that her grandmother passed away this morning. The news came without warning. Almost immediately, messages of condolence began pouring in from the team. My heart goes out to her and her family. Moments like these remind me of the transient nature of life - that time is never guaranteed, and that we must treasure what we have while we have it. For this quiet but powerful reminder, I am grateful.

• Rest. My haemorrhoids are still causing discomfort, and today I made a deliberate decision to continue resting. My step count was lower, and I kept my meals simple without overthinking them - though I believe I still managed to maintain a reasonable caloric and protein intake. I also intend to sleep early, having struggled with insomnia last night. In a way, this too feels like a form of departure - a temporary stepping back from activity, from busyness, and from the constant need to do. The postponement of my training this Sunday has eased some of the pressure I would otherwise have felt, allowing me the space to prioritise recovery. And for this pause, this small departure from routine, I am grateful. 

Perhaps departures are not always losses in the way we first perceive them. Sometimes, they are transitions - gentle or abrupt invitations to let go, to reflect, and to realign. Whether it is the parting of people, the passing of life, or even a temporary withdrawal into rest, each departure carries with it a quiet lesson. The events of today helped me realise that there is gratitude to be found even in these endings. More importantly, they reminded me of what truly matters and how I can move forward in the face of departures.

Talking about Life & Death

I’ve a friend who often talked about his fears regarding what happens after a person passes on and what the afterlife experience is like. Will it be painful? Or…

It is probably a topic none of us alive can ever advise. But having recently read deeper on Buddhism, I was able to understand conceptually the idea of consciousness and what happens to it after the physical body dies. I met up with him again last week and this topic came up again. I told him that using our human senses to frame the experiences of the next journey - whether it will be painful or otherwise - is probably not the wisest thing to do as the physical body is no longer present. Instead, I suggested he should channel his energies to the present and live his life to the best.

Today, he texted me to thank me for the chat. He also said that he is less fearful now. I gave him an analogy - that falling asleep and waking up is a cycle all of us goes through daily. And we may have dreams or nightmares when we sleep, but we will wake up again eventually. This would be similar when it comes to the cycle of life and death. Dying is akin to falling asleep, and we dream (good or bad will depend on whether we were good or bad during our lifetime). And then, we will wake up again, as a baby. 

It’s an off the cuff analogy, very much based on my current understanding of Buddhism’s interpretation of life and death. I’m sure there are other more informed views but I’m glad I can help him better frame his thoughts and lessen his fears. 

Right before me!

I’ve been wanting to give away my mum’s blouses for the longest time. It has been 10 years since her passing, and I’ve never quite been able to bring myself to do it because of the deep sentimental value. 

I’ve considered donating them to the Salvation Army, temples, and so on, but given the number of blouses, transporting them would be a logistical challenge, so I never explored those options further. A friend who works at a temple suggested giving them to NGOs that support disaster victims. I decided against that, as these are good-quality blouses and probably not suitable for that purpose. 

So I ended up asking friends who have elderly family members at home, as well as friends in their mid-60s who might know elderly people who could use them. All of them eventually replied that they couldn’t accept the blouses. Then it suddenly hit me yesterday that I have a friend who volunteers at her church as part of their social outreach, and most (if not all) of the people she supports are elderly. I asked her - and she replied almost immediately that yes, she would take the blouses! 

It’s amazing how I spent so much time looking everywhere, when the right person was just beside me all along (figuratively, of course)!

10th Year

16 Nov marked the 10th year of my mum’s passing. Time really flies! Will be paying a visit to the columbarium to pay my respects later. 

Still missing her after all these years… 

My End-of-Life & Funeral

I started writing about it first in 2009, and updated in 2011, and 2019. Has anything changed? Not significantly - the main principles remain the same. However, I realised that I might not have clearly explained the intentions behind my thoughts. Also, Singapore now allows ashes to be scattered on land, which is more practical and less of a logistical challenge. Hence, a review at this point is timely.

End-of-Life Management (Update)

• If there comes a time when I cannot make decisions, I will let my caregiver or, if there are none, the medical professionals make the necessary decisions on my behalf.

• I do not want to be placed on any life support. If my time is up, let me go gracefully and in a most dignified manner.

• All decisions regarding my end-of-life management should be guided by the principles of keeping me comfortable, minimising pain, and letting nature take its course.

Funeral Arrangements

• My funeral should be conducted according to Buddhist rites, in keeping with my faith. This means no funeral paraphernalia typically associated with Taoist practices (e.g. joss papers, paper dolls, paper houses, etc.). It is also more economical.

• Keep it simple, low-cost, yet dignified (for example, no expensive coffin). A dignified setting will help reduce the stress of those attending the wake.

• The wake should last three days (or five days if, for instance, I pass away in the late evening and the available time for the wake gets shorten by a day). This duration is not important to me personally, but it provides time for others to grieve.

• There should be no physical memorial artefacts, such as a niche for ashes or memorial tablets in a temple. My body should be cremated, and the ashes scattered on land. It doesn’t matter if it is done at Lim Chu Kang or Mandai. This avoids the need for future maintenance by the living. I came with nothing and will leave with nothing - I only wish to leave behind memories. (Update)

• Any white gold (白金) contributions will go towards covering funeral expenses. Should there be any excess, I leave it to the funeral organiser to decide how the remainder should be used.

These points are meant to make it easier for those caring for me at the end of my life, and for those managing my post-life matters, particularly my funeral. The list has been compiled with practical intent - to keep things affordable, to facilitate decision-making for those planning my arrangements, and to support others through their grief process.

Afternote 1: Previously, I wanted certain songs to be played during my funeral. No need. I’m dead, it doesn’t matter to me. (Update)

Afternote 2: I am not being morbid. I am being very upfront and practical. It’s a responsible thing to do. 

Afternote 3: I intend to formalize these and meet a funeral planner in due course.