Productive Day!

Let’s see - today I managed to wash all the curtains in the house, all the cushion covers of my sofa cushions, my reclining chair cover, and my shower curtain; wiped down all the glass windows and the glass panels of my sliding door; did my laundry; and even did some gardening! And on top of that, I managed to go for a long walk and completed a good workout!

Such a productive day! I’m really such a house person!

:-)

My End-of-Life & Funeral

I started writing about it first in 2009, and updated in 2011, and 2019. Has anything changed? Not significantly - the main principles remain the same. However, I realised that I might not have clearly explained the intentions behind my thoughts. Also, Singapore now allows ashes to be scattered on land, which is more practical and less of a logistical challenge. Hence, a review at this point is timely.

End-of-Life Management (Update)

• If there comes a time when I cannot make decisions, I will let my caregiver or, if there are none, the medical professionals make the necessary decisions on my behalf.

• I do not want to be placed on any life support. If my time is up, let me go gracefully and in a most dignified manner.

• All decisions regarding my end-of-life management should be guided by the principles of keeping me comfortable, minimising pain, and letting nature take its course.

Funeral Arrangements

• My funeral should be conducted according to Buddhist rites, in keeping with my faith. This means no funeral paraphernalia typically associated with Taoist practices (e.g. joss papers, paper dolls, paper houses, etc.). It is also more economical.

• Keep it simple, low-cost, yet dignified (for example, no expensive coffin). A dignified setting will help reduce the stress of those attending the wake.

• The wake should last three days (or five days if, for instance, I pass away in the late evening and the available time for the wake gets shorten by a day). This duration is not important to me personally, but it provides time for others to grieve.

• There should be no physical memorial artefacts, such as a niche for ashes or memorial tablets in a temple. My body should be cremated, and the ashes scattered on land. It doesn’t matter if it is done at Lim Chu Kang or Mandai. This avoids the need for future maintenance by the living. I came with nothing and will leave with nothing - I only wish to leave behind memories. (Update)

• Any white gold (白金) contributions will go towards covering funeral expenses. Should there be any excess, I leave it to the funeral organiser to decide how the remainder should be used.

These points are meant to make it easier for those caring for me at the end of my life, and for those managing my post-life matters, particularly my funeral. The list has been compiled with practical intent - to keep things affordable, to facilitate decision-making for those planning my arrangements, and to support others through their grief process.

Afternote 1: Previously, I wanted certain songs to be played during my funeral. No need. I’m dead, it doesn’t matter to me. (Update)

Afternote 2: I am not being morbid. I am being very upfront and practical. It’s a responsible thing to do. 

Afternote 3: I intend to formalize these and meet a funeral planner in due course. 

Health over Vanity

The thing about losing weight over a relatively short period of time is that you end up with flabby skin all over the body - and you begin to look a little gaunt and haggard. This is made more pronounced by the fact that I’m nearing 59, and the body at this age is technically breaking down faster than it is building up. 

Just four months ago, I weighed around 73 to 74 kg. Over this period, I’ve increased my exercise intensity, been very selective with what I eat - focusing on fibre and proteins - and cut down significantly on carbohydrates. When I stepped on the scale this morning, it read 63.5 kg. That’s a loss of more than 10 kg in just four months. 

The downside? Flabby skin - on my thighs, arms, and even my face. I suppose my skin simply couldn’t tighten up as fast as my body was shedding its layer of fat. But on the bright side, I’m in perfect health now. Physically, I can do 300 push-ups without much difficulty, along with crunches and planks. My blood pressure averages around 115/75, and my pulse rate sits comfortably between 65 and 75. Recent faecal and prostate cancer marker tests showed no abnormalities, and even the number of kidney stones has gone down. 

So yes, putting vanity aside, I should really celebrate my perfect health. Then again, as much as my big head says "it’s not about how tight the skin is - it’s about how strong and well the body feels inside"; my small head whispers "aiyoh, I am no longer glam and attractive!" (not that I've ever been glam lah! haha). 

Medical Review

Did a blood test to check on prostate cancer markers and an x-ray to determine the state of my kidney stones. Result: No prostate cancer and while the kidney stones are still present, it seemed to have reduced in numbers.

The review followed the passing of blood instead of urine some 2 months back. The doctor said the bleeding was most likely due to the kidney stone scraping the ureter as it moved through the urinary system. The fact that there is a reduction in the number of stones detected in the x-ray (compared to that last year) suggested this to be the case. He gave me the option to undergo a CT scan for a more detailed look or to wait and see if any further bleeding occurs. I chose the latter.

So for now, there is no immediate follow-up nor medications needed. The next review will be in 2 years time unless there is blood discharge again.

Judging a Person

Something a friend shared which resonates deeply with me. He said:

My dad used to tell me not to judge a person’s worth by the number of connections or friends he has when he is alive. Instead, judge his worth by the number of persons who attend his funeral when he leaves the world.

This story made so much sense to me. It reinforces the point that one’s value depends on how one is able to support and help people. It also reminds me of advices like - what do you want your eulogy to sound like? How do you want to be remembered? But of cos, we don’t do all these for the sake of wanting to be remembered but to do with all our heart and belief that we want to help and support people!

L to S

I’ve lost quite a bit of weight over the past few months, and my clothes are all very loose. So I decided to head to Uniqlo to buy a round-neck t-shirt. To my surprise, I could fit into an S size easily! I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened. If I stay at this weight, I’ll probably have to get new clothes and pants. But for now, I’ll just make do with what I have - even if they’re a tad oversized.

:-)

Scammer in Grindr?

So how do you catch a PRC scammer/ catfish in Grindr? My experience has been that the profiles of these people possess some, if not all, of the following characteristics:

• the profile pictures usually looks very good, lean, toned, very healthy looking and relatively well groomed
• every single one of them is Chinese - by race and, possibly, by nationality (the PRC look, if you know what I mean)
• in their late-20s to mid-30s
• have English names - the vanilla ones such as Jack, Jimmy, David, Anton, etc and not those modern weird ones

These people will usually drop you a message in English that goes something like this - Hello, I am xxxx, I am looking for a friend or a partner. What are you looking for? or; Hello, my name is yyyy, what are you looking for? And they may even attach a facepic in their message.

And here’s the thing - once you reply them, they will start to use Chinese. Previously, I will chat with these individuals for a while and often the conversation will move to exchanging contacts, or buying gifts for me. And that is a definite red flag. I will then block them. Some of my friends will not bother to chat and instead ask them to do a video call to verify their identity, in which case they will decline.

These days, whenever I receive any message, I just take a look at their profile picture and/ or their message content, and I will straightaway delete it. I won’t even bother to reply. And hmmm, for that matter, I don’t even bother to reply anyone these days. Even if they are non PRCs.

:-)

PS: I strongly suspect my age (which I revealed) or the fact that I indicate I’m a mature person make me a scammer/ catfish magnet. You think?

Receiving is Giving

Yesterday, somebody I had been coaching and mentoring over the last decade or so, and particularly over the past two years in his career, gave me an ang pow (a red packet with cash in it - usually given to wish a person good wishes, or as a form of appreciation). He had just moved into the industry of his dreams and received a promotion. He invited me for lunch with his family and later came over to my place for a chat. That was when he presented me with the ang pow. 

I felt a little embarrassed to accept it but decided to take it graciously in the end. Objectively, it is not in my nature to accept gifts from friends, and frankly, I even feel uneasy when someone praises me for anything. I’ve learned that such behaviours could possibly be rooted in my own sense of self-worth (or the lack of it), and that I should learn to accept praise and gifts when they are due. 

And that was what I did - even as I realised the amount he gave was a highly generous one. I also rationalised that in accepting, I was actually giving him the joy of knowing he could repay me, in his own way, for the help I had offered him all these years and especially in helping him secure his new job.

So happy for him.

Grateful

It’s been a rather overwhelming past 2 weeks for me.

I have had friends visiting me almost every other day. And I’ve been kept busy with the cooking and hosting! Of cos, this also meant I’ve lotsa leftover food that continued to feed me for a couple of days after. Hahaha… But yeah, I felt really blessed to have them visiting and truly felt apologetic for having caused them concerns. Their support and care have been heartwarming and I’m sincerely touched. 

Separately, I’ve also started coaching again and I have also been confirmed for a training assignment next weekend! Glad that things are falling back to place.

Wish me luck!

:-)

Tears without Reasons

I didn’t expect to cry, but I did.

I was just listening to a chant in youtube - the Plum Village monastic version of Namo Avalokiteshvaraya. A few notes in, something inside me softened, my eyes welled up and tears began to fall. 

I couldn’t explain the emotions behind it. It wasn’t sadness. It was a kind of release - as if the chant had reached a place beyond words. Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, or Guan Yin as commonly known, listens deeply to suffering. As I listened, I realised that this was the quality I’ve spent much of my life extending to others - in coaching, in caring, in being present. Yet, in that moment, it felt as if that same compassion was turning towards me. And that was when the tears came. They weren’t tears of pain, but of release - the kind that surface when the body finally feels safe enough to exhale. It was as though something inside whispered, “You, too, deserve to be held.” 

I didn’t realize how much I needed this. 

The tears came quietly, without reason, yet they felt right. Perhaps they were the heart’s way of saying, “I’m still here.” Sometimes, when we truly listen, the heart answers - not with words, but with tears. And perhaps, in that stillness, compassion was listening too.

Hello me…

Hello me!

It’s really lovely to get your mail! Am good. Regret not keeping contact during this period.

Had been away, and short of anything, let’s just say I went on a retreat. Had spent most of my time meditating, exercising, coaching and counseling people, and observing strict daily routines. I weigh 7-8kg lighter and look very lean now. But looks aside, I am glad to say I’m much healthier. For the first time many decades, my BMI and all health markers (sugar, BP, lipids, etc) are within healthy range! The absolute tech detox (mobile phone, social media, etc) also helped much in refreshing my mental health.

Thanks for the support. Am blessed to know you (and many many of my friends) cared and have tried to reach out to me during this period, some going to the extend of coming to my residence, calling the police, checking all hospitals, etc. I am sorry to have caused concern and can only thank you from the bottom of my heart. In the immediate months, do allow me to blog with a light touch as I need this “break” for myself. 

Hear from you again soon!

You