Super Sad

Last night, I had 2 very disturbing dreams, although I can only recall one of them. 

I was standing outside the grille of a place (perhaps a prison cell? or a home?), and Sapphie, my dog, was inside. For some reason, I didn’t want to show myself because I didn’t want the occupants to know I was there. So I called out to her softly. She didn’t respond, so I moved closer, whistled, and called her name again. This time, she heard me. Her ears twitched, and she turned her head to look in my direction and she started whining. But she didn’t come to the grille because I was hidden from view. 

In that half-asleep state, it hit me suddenly that she had been dead for more than a decade. The blurred line between the dream and reality was very confusing. And, at that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I told myself that I needed to remember this dream. 

Then I drifted back to sleep.

Grateful 3 & 4 Jun: Anchor

I have often gravitate towards significant events, meaningful encounters, or important lessons in my gratitude journals and have not paid enough attention to the simple things that quietly support my day-to-day life. So, in this post, let me give thanks for: 

• Sunshine. It's been bright and sunny these past 2 days. Rather than complaining about the heat, let me give thanks for the sunshine that brightens my day and allows me to go about my daily routines, whether it is heading to the coffee shop for my kopi-o kosong, doing my exercises around the estate, or simply enjoying a walk outdoors. It is such a simple thing, yet it brings a sense of ease and freedom that I often take for granted.

• Friends. These past 2 days, many people have checked in on me, and this evening, I met my ex-colleague turned friend D for dinner. So let me give thanks for them. These seemingly small gestures keep me connected and remind me that, even though I enjoy solitude, I am not alone. They reassure me that there are people who think of me, care about me, and remain part of my life. 

• Home. My home provides me with a comfortable space to rest, escape from the heat, work, and simply be myself. It is more than just a place to live. Reflecting on the past 3 decades, it has been the backdrop to countless moments shared with my parents, past partners, and my dog. It is also a place where my siblings and their families, relatives, friends, and colleagues have gathered. In many ways, it quietly holds the story of my life. 

So yes, these are things that feature so naturally in my daily life that I rarely stop to notice them. Yet they form the foundation upon which so much else rests. And I am deeply grateful to these people and things that is such an integral part of my life.

Bukit Timah Hill

Decided to climb the hill today. It’s Singapore islands’ highest point at 163.35m above sea level. Not too difficult a climb although the initial parts were really steep. But it was good that it was nice and breezy underneath the forest canopy. Managed to do a 15min meditation at the summit. Was especially nice given the peace and chirping of the cicadas.

:-)

Grateful 16 Apr: Happy Day

I was a happy person today, and I am grateful for how things are developing. I will not write everything here, as some details are better left unshared. Instead, I will focus on a few moments. 

• Walk. I decided to make a trip to Tanah Merah Beach this afternoon despite the scorching heat. I thought I could get a good tan as I do my daily walk, and the trip did not disappoint. I managed to get quite a tan - I look like a bright lobster now. More importantly, I am grateful for the ability to make the walk. I admit I have been a little lazy of late and may have used the weather as an excuse, so I am glad I pushed through. 

• Otters. I spent some time at the beach enjoying the sun. What made the trip special was spotting 2 otters. It was unusual, as they typically move in groups of 10 to 20. I wondered if they had broken away from a larger group and starting a new pack. I recorded a video and sent it to a friend who specialises in otters. He was excited and forwarded it to the team conducting an otter census in Singapore. I am glad I could contribute in a small way, and even more grateful that I made the trip. 

• Rest Points. By the time I walked back, I was tired, thirsty, and quite dehydrated. Thankfully, there were rest points and canteens along the way where I could rest, buy my dinner, and enjoy a kopi o kosong before heading home. 

It was a good day. I managed to do what I needed before my final day of training tomorrow. I ended the evening by running through some content with a fellow trainer to help her prepare for her session too. Overall, it was a productive and fulfilling day, and I am grateful for all that happened.

Honey

Been watching YouTube lots these days, sometimes just as white noise as I work but mostly for me to sing along when I have nothing better to do in the evenings. And this song came on this evening. It is one of those songs that sticks in the mind... for me it does. It's a sad song too. Listening to it reminds me of the simpler days when I was much much younger. That was the time when songs has meanings and tell heartfelt stories. It is definitely before my time. I identify strongly with songs from 50s - 90s... 

[Verse 1]

See the tree, how big it's grown

But friend, it hasn't been too long

It wasn't big

I laughed at her, and she got mad

The first day that she planted it

Was just a twig

[Verse 2]

Then the first snow came

And she ran out to brush the snow away

So, it wouldn't die

Came runnin' in all excited

Slipped and almost hurt herself

And I laughed 'til I cried

[Verse 3]

She was always young at heart

Kinda dumb and kinda smart

And I loved her so

And I surprised her with a puppy

Kept me up all Christmas Eve

Two years ago

[Verse 4]

And it would sure embarrass her

When I came in from workin' late

Cause I would know

That she'd been sittin' there and cryin'

Over some sad and silly

Late, late show

[Chorus]

And Honey, I miss you

And I'm bein' good

And I'd love to be with you

If only I could

[Verse 5]

She wrecked the car, and she was sad

And so afraid that I'd be mad

But what the heck

Though I pretended hard to be

Guess you could say she saw through me

And hugged my neck

[Verse 6]

I came home unexpectedly

And caught her cryin' needlessly

In the middle of the day

And it was in the early spring

When flowers bloom and robins sing

She went away

[Chorus]

And Honey, I miss you

And I'm bein' good

And I'd love to be with you

If only I could

[Verse 7]

One day while I was not at home

While she was there and all alone

The angels came

Now, all I have is memories of Honey

And I wake up nights

And call her name

[Verse 8]

Now, my life's an empty stage

Where Honey lived and Honey played

And love grew up

And a small cloud passes overhead

And cries down on the flower bed

That Honey loved

[Verse 1]

And see the tree how big it's grown

But friend, it hasn't been too long

It wasn't big

And I laughed at her, and she got mad

The first day that she planted it

Was just a twig

Lyrics from https://genius.com/Bobby-goldsboro-honey-lyrics 

Grateful 7 Mar: Life

Several things happened today that reminded me of life as a whole. It is interesting how life’s lessons appear when you least expect it - in a simple book, the memory of a loved companion, or even the fleeting presence of a bird. Each moment reminds me of the beauty, impermanence, and interconnectedness of life. So today, I give thanks for:

• Big Panda & Little Dragon. I mentioned this last week and realized I’ve had the book with me all along. I took it off my bookshelf this morning, skimmed through it, and was immediately hooked all over again. It’s such a simple, straightforward read, yet full of life lessons. Every illustration and quote feels so relatable. I’m thankful for this rediscovery and the joy it brings. 

• Sapphie. Sapphie, my late dog (photo above), passed away on 22 March 2016 - exactly 10 years ago this month. A spontaneous question from my buddy about past pets prompted me to look through some old photos I had kept. Seeing her brought a smile to my face, tinged with a little ache in my heart. I thank her for the selfless love she gave me over 15 years and 4 months of her life. 

• Dead Pigeon. Walking out of my condo backgate today, I noticed a dead pigeon on the park connector, its body twisted awkwardly in the hot sun. I felt a pang of sadness looking at the carcass. Realizing there was nothing I could do, I walked on. Later, I returned and moved it to the grass. I want to ensure it wouldn’t be stepped on or cycled over. The pigeon is considered a pest by many, but in death, a little dignity and respect should nonetheless be accorded to it. This experience is similar to another that occurred in 2005 and reminded me that life is delicate and fleeting. I’m grateful for this quiet, poignant reminder.

Today’s experiences remind me that life reveals itself in unexpected and simple moments. From the joy of revisiting familiar stories, to the warmth of memories that linger, to the quiet reminders of life’s fragility, each experience deepens my awareness and gratitude. I close this journal feeling present, thankful, and gently reminded of the preciousness of every living moment.

Grateful 24 Feb: Gen AI

I was at the coffee shop this afternoon, drinking my kopi-o-kosong, when I decided to check what this new Fire Horse (丙午) year might mean for me. As a Fire Horse myself, it is considered my ben ming nian (本命年) and thus not the best year. But I also understand that the month, day and time of birth all play a part in shaping the overall outlook. So, naturally, I consulted ChatGPT. And as usual, I was impressed by what it gave me. That simple kopi moment became today’s gratitude reflection - not just for ChatGPT, but more generally for Gen AI. 

~< ••• >~

My use of Gen AI started with ChatGPT about two years ago. Since then, it has grown steadily and expanded to other apps such as DeepSeek, Gemini and Suno, to name a few. So here are my call-outs for today’s gratitude journal.

• ChatGPT. I use it daily - for monitoring my caloric and macronutrient intake, to support my blogging, amongst other things. When I first started, I used it to plan travel itineraries, improve my resume, develop career profiles, seek perspectives on financial planning, or simply to check my English when I blogged: sentence structure, grammar, coherence, flow. I would throw my entire draft in and ask it to “do the necessary”. It would return a nicely polished version - so polished that I had to rewrite major parts of it as it didn’t sound like me. I had since “trained” it, even as I have learned how to better use it. For example, in my last annual reflections, I asked ChatGPT to review a whole year’s worth of entries and suggest a theme and draft write-up. At other times, I would jot down rough bullet points and ask it to propose a structure. But I’m very clear: this is my blog, not ChatGPT’s. I will always review, refine and rewrite the writings to ensure it captures exactly what I want to say - and to say it in my voice. Sometimes the process is iterative - draft, refine, rethink, refine again - until I am certain the words are fully mine. My end-of-2025 entry, for example, took almost one and a half months to craft. The final version is totally different from what ChatGPT had proposed. Still, I am thankful - for the perspectives, the convenience and the support it brings to me these 2 years.

• DeepSeek. I started using it early last year, around the CNY period when it was first launched. Initially, it was simply an alternative to ChatGPT. Over time, however, I noticed its distinct analytical tone and subtle differences in perspectives. It may be too simplistic to say one feels “Chinese” and the other “Western”, but there are nuanced cultural differences in how they respond. These days, I log my daily food intake, blood pressure and resting heart rate into both DeepSeek and ChatGPT, using them to cross-check each others’ analysis and recommendations. Their responses are not identical - and that, in itself, is useful. In the end, I decide what works best for me. AI, to me, is a tool - helpful, but not authoritative. And I am thankful for the additional lens it provides.

• Other Gen AI apps. Beyond ChatGPT and DeepSeek, I also use others such as Gemini, Suno, Leo (previously Leonardo), Copilot, Taskade, Meta AI, as well as AI-enhanced platforms like Canva and Google. Each has its strengths. Gemini, with its Nano Banana, helps best enhancing old photos and creating images (like the one above); Leo allows me to create images and short videos; Suno lets me compose songs just for fun. They offer convenience at my fingertips - for creativity, productivity or simple curiosity. I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn and experiment with these apps in this season of my life.

My understanding of Gen AI is still basic. There is much more to explore and to learn. But I am clear that these tools are here to support me, not replace me - and I remain responsible for how I use them and what I publish. 

~< ••• >~

And as for what ChatGPT told me about this Fire Horse year - after considering my birth month, day and time - it will not be a bad one for me. It will, however, be an intense and defining one. I must not, however, mistake intensity for misfortune. I must see it as a year of consolidation. A year to stabilise my new identity - choose meaningful engagements and a slower, intentional life, without needing to prove anything to anyone. It will be a year where I get to consciously choose who I want to be next. That, to me, is power - not bad luck.

Grateful 20 Feb: City in a Garden

I have gained back all the weight I lost over the last 5 months over the past 2 weeks - an outcome of all the feasting and fat-rich CNY food! So I decided to head out again for my walk along my usual route - from the housing estate into the Changi Business Park (CBP). Along the way, I saw several interesting sights - wild animals - and it reminded me how lucky I am to live so close to nature, even though I am in an urbanised environment. So today, I give thanks for these reminders:

• Nature. I live next to CBP where a large part is a solar farm and lined with lush greenery. It is also located next to a golf course. With such abundance of greenery, gay men have made it a cruising haunt since the early 2000s. But that’s not why I am writing this post. Rather, the place has attracted many animals. Animals commonly found here include various bird species including the sunbird, spotted dove, pink pigeon, bulbul, drongo, Asian koel, black nape oriole, kingfisher and kite, reptiles such as the monitor lizard, calotes, tortoise, various species of snakes, etc. As a nature lover, I am truly thankful to have this park so near me. 

• Asian Openbill. I saw this eye-catching bird while walking along the fringe of the golf course. I was surprised to see it as it is not a familiar sight locally. I was to learn that it is not endemic to Singapore but a migratory bird that is seen only during the northern winter period. And it was the first time I see an Asian Openbill and at such close range. It moved a few steps away when it saw me approaching. I froze and it stopped moving, but it remained wary of my presence. I snapped a couple of photos and videos before walking on and leaving it in peace. I am grateful to have been able to see this migratory bird up close.

• Wild Chickens. I was pleasantly surprised to see a family of 7 - 8 wild chickens at CBP. A few months back, there was only one! It has certainly multiplied quickly, probably due to the lack of natural predators, and I certainly welcome the sight. It certainly make the place a lot livelier and interesting. Wild chickens, while common decades ago, had almost disappeared for unknown reasons but reappeared during the COVID lockdown period. Since then, they have spread across the island, and we now see them in many places!

I am thankful for the chance to connect with nature even while walking through an industrial/ business park. It was such a pleasant experience. Years ago, we began with the “Clean and Green” Singapore campaign to soften the hard buildings that were being constructed at a rapid rate. This evolved into the “Garden City” vision, where flowering plants were introduced, and in recent years, the vision has been refreshed to “City in a Garden”. As a nature lover, I am blessed to be living in this city-state.

Sapphie

 This is Sapphie, my dog. 

It’s coming to 10 years since she left. 

The recent haze reminds me of her and this pic.

She has such gentle eyes!

Suntanning Pigeon

I always find it very interesting to see pigeons sitting on the park connectors sunning themselves. At times, I even see them seated with their wings spread open or tilted sideways to sun their bellies. And they just quietly sit and stay still through the afternoon. With their dark feathers, don’t their bodies get overheated? I also wonder if they ever get heat stroke… 

Burning Smell

The air has been heavy with a burning smell over the past week or so, and on a day or two, I could have sworn it even looked hazy. I am also seeing people complaining about it and how they have experienced difficulties in breathing, etc. All these felt oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of the days when the country was blanketed in thick haze and carried the unmistakable smell of forest burning. That was probably more than a decade ago, when my mum and my dog were still around.

Because of that, the haze and smell over the past week stirred a sense of nostalgia in me. While it was undeniably uncomfortable, a small part of me wished it would linger a little longer. I suppose that’s just how memories work. For now, it’s enough to appreciate it for what it is - to “enjoy” it while it’s here, and just experience it while it is around. No judgment, no anger, no frustration. Just acceptance that it will eventually pass once the burning in the region stops.

https://www.facebook.com/NEASingapore/photos/hotspots-continue-to-be-observed-north-of-singapore-due-to-vegetation-fires-with/1202307645376982/

A Resident Mozzie

I have a mosquito in my room. It has been there for so long, I’ve decided to call it my resident mosquito. 

The funny thing about this mosquito is that is refuses to leave the house regardless of what I do. I had left the windows open, the door open etc. and even during days when the winds are strong, it somehow continue to remain in my room.

And the funny thing is - it doesn’t bite me! Even when I sleep. It just happily buzz around the room, the toilet and makes itself comfortable…

:-)

Balcony Visitors

Lately, I’ve had quite a few visitors to my balcony daily! They include mynahs, spotted doves, sunbirds, sparrows and even the Asian koels. It’s really nice to see them visiting and perching on my balcony. And of course, the mynahs are comfortable enough to even come into the house and step all over my meditation mat! 

I also noted that swallows tend to stay a bit further away and perch themselves on my neighbour’s window ledge instead. Other than that, there were the infrequent dragonflies, bees, butterflies, and not to mention the perennial pests such as ants, houseflies, moths, wasps and even mosquitoes. Thankfully, the pests only visit me once in a blue moon…

:-)

ps: Can you spot the spotted dove in the photo above?

Fallen Crow

Literally, as the title suggests - a crow that fell… in the middle of a busy road, no less. Now, imagine this: being immobilised and stuck in the middle of the road, facing gigantic metal machines rushing toward you, knowing that instant death awaits if one were to run over you. Scary, right? Here’s my little adventure. 

I was on my morning walk when I noticed a black patch in the middle of the road. I initially thought it was a burst tyre, but upon closer inspection, I realized it was a crow. It was alive, mouth open, but didn’t seem to be able to move. Above me, a murder of over 20 crows was circling, with many more perched on the surrounding roadside trees, cawing loudly. I stood by the side of the road, waiting for the traffic to clear. Then, quickly but carefully - so as not to startle the fallen crow - I approached it. Perhaps I was projecting human emotions onto it, but I could sense helplessness and fear, and maybe, resignation - feelings one wouldn’t typically associate with a crow. 

Gently, I picked it up with both hands. It struggled a bit, but I managed to move it to a grass patch. It remained there, still and unable to move. Knowing I had taken it out of harm’s way, I continued my walk. Strangely, the murder of crows followed me. At that moment, I felt a sense of unease. Recent news of crows attacking humans crossed my mind, and I wondered if those above me might do the same. As I walked on, I started worrying about whether the crow I had rescued would become dehydrated. I couldn’t take it to the vet, knowing it would likely be culled, as crows are considered a nuisance. But I could at least do something to alleviate its suffering. 

I turned back, searched around some rubbish bins, and found a discarded cup. After filling it with water, I returned to where I had left the crow. It was still there, but as I approached, it tried to move away - a good sign, I thought. But after a few more attempts to escape, it sat still again. It must have felt exhausted. Once more, I gently lifted it and moved it under a tree, placing the cup of water beside it. The murder of crows continued circling above me, but by then, I no longer cared if they attacked. I had done what I could. This time, as I walked away, the crows did not follow. 

I hope the crow recovers soon.

Do you?

This is a very random post. Am posting this as I’m doing my morning walk - totally spontaneous:

• Do you wave to thank drivers who stop for you at a zebra crossing? 
• Do you pick up a snail from the middle of the road and place it in the grass? 
• Do you offer to share your umbrella with a stranger when it rains? 
• Do you fetch soy sauce from the hawker stall for an elderly person at your table who just said their porridge is too bland? 
• Do you watch where you step to avoid accidentally crushing anything - ants, for that matter? 
• Do you gently blow away mosquitoes that have landed on you, even when they’re already happily sucking your blood? 
• Do you help a butterfly with broken wings that lands on your shoulder by moving it to a safe spot among the greenery? 
• Do you volunteer your time to help someone who approaches you, despite your busyness?

These moments happen to me rather frequently, and my answer to all of the above is — yes, without hesitation. It’s something I do naturally, without a second thought, and I must say, I’m always glad I could be of help.

How about you?

Finally... dog going home

The dog owner will be picking up the dog in an hour. Whew… it’s been three weeks and two dogs! What an interesting few weeks. The two dogs couldn’t be more different in temperament. The first was edgy and reactive, while the second has been gentle and calm. I'm grateful the second dog got along well with my tenant.

During the last week, I noticed how “clingy” the second dog is - his owner calls him “velcro” - because he follows the people in the house constantly. When I’m home, he sticks to me everywhere I go; when I’m out, he attaches himself to my tenant. I also discovered he cries when left alone. I found out one day when I came home to hear him howling, only stopping once I opened the door. The next day, my neighbour even mentioned it to me! These behaviours show he’s very insecure, and knowing he cries when left alone made me feel like I had to rush back every time I left the house.

Soon, this gentle giant will be on his way, and I'll finally be able to move around without worrying about a dog at home. But first, I need to clean up - mopping floors, clearing fur, and scrubbing drool stains - to get the place back in order before heading off to KL early tomorrow morning.

:)

Dog-sitting

I've been dog-sitting for the past three weeks, starting with a female Singapore special (mongrel) owned by a couple who went on their annual vacation in Europe. This dog has stayed with me before, so she’s familiar with my place. However, this time was a bit different since I now have a tenant. Initially, things were fine - she even got comfortable enough to sleep under his bed (in his room) and he allowed her to do so without any complains.

Now, this Singapore special is a highly edgy dog, and she can become aggressive when she feels uneasy or threatened. It took months for her to warm up to me, and even now, she occasionally reacts by biting my hands, likely when she's startled. When this happens, I would scold her. And I always stay cautious around her. Like most dogs, she's tempted by food smells, and she often heads to the kitchen when my tenant cooks, which can be annoying. And to avoid any untoward incidents, I had to tell the tenant not to feed her, iterating that she has specific diet requirements as instructed by her owners.

One evening while I was out, my tenant called, sounding upset. Apparently, the dog bit him while he was washing up in the bathroom, which left him shaken. He showed me the bite marks, claimed they were quite painful, and wanted to see a doctor. I reassured him that her shots were up to date, so there was no rabies risk. Though I didn’t see obvious bite marks, I had to play along to appease him. Tbh, I don’t believe dogs would turn aggressive towards any individual suddenly and have my own suspicions over how he had treated her when I was not around. But I didn't press further. 

Following this incident, my tenant became extra wary of her. He would walk around the house with extra caution, making sure she was not around before he move around. I must admit his behaviour was quite upsetting for me. As for the dog, she would try to sniff and often a time, barks at him when she sees him. To prevent any further unfortunate incident, I kept her in my room whenever my tenant was at home. She returned to her owners two days ago, and things have since settled down.

Now, I’m looking after another friend’s dog - a gentle, large labradoodle whose owner is away for a week in China. Since my friend knew I’m comfortable with dogs, she asked if I could dog-sit. This dog is much calmer and friendly with people, but I am still a bit nervous about how he’d interact with my tenant. Thus far, my tenant felt comfortable enough to pet him. And just like the first dog, he’s started visiting the tenant’s room when I’m out. I didn’t say much but ensured the dog keeps a distance whenever I’m at home.

Here’s hoping things stay smooth and there’s no repeat of the last incident! Fingers crossed.

Bats entangled

It was a bizarre sight… 

Two bats entangled to each other and screaming non-stop. 

Here's the story. 

It happened last night during my nightly walk at the park. Usually it would be quiet and peaceful. But for some weird reasons, last night was very noisy. There was this weird noise that sounded like a swarm of cicadas chirping and it came from a very dark corner of the walking trail. It felt a little eerie. 

The sound didn't stop and continued for a good 10-15min and I decided to investigate. As I walked near the sound, I saw a black moving patch on the ground. I shone my torchlight and saw 2 bats seemingly fighting, wings fully stretched opened in full glory. I left them alone and continued with my exercise. 

Still the sound continued for another 5-10min. I went back to take a closer look and realized one of the bat had one of its leg entangled and wrapped into the wing flap of the other. They couldn't release it and were struggling to get it unentangled. It was a painful sight. I could imagine them getting exhausted and die there if they couldn’t release themselves.

So I tried to help them. They were aggressive and screamed when I reach out to them initially. I swear I could see the fear in their eyes as I tried to help. My torchlight shining onto them didn’t help. It must have blinded them. They screamed and struggled, wings wide opened, helplessly. It must have been traumatic for the 2 little bats - getting stuck in such situation and being handled by a foreign and possibly hostile human being.

I continued trying and “shhhhh” them to calm them down as I did so. And all of a sudden, they quieten down and folded their wings. The look of 2 shriveled small bats stuck to one another and in full submission to me was very surreal. I suspected they knew I was trying to help them. I turned them a few times and tried to decipher how to unentangled them. But no matter how I tried, I just could not release the feet. The wing flap was folded so much that the feet cannot be seen! 

Not giving up, I continued and tried for a good 10-15min and they screamed out intermittently. It was a sorry sight. I felt bad and helpless and I was about to give up when all of a sudden, they just took off and flew away! Just like that! They flew off swiftly and quietly. I couldn’t even hear any flapping sound! Well, I must have unentangled the wing and foot! It felt good to be able to help! Well, not that I knew what I was doing… 

:-)

Crash

I just saw a sparrow crash into my balcony glass door and drop onto the floor. It struggled a while and before I could respond to it, it picked itself up and flew off. 

The sparrow must have flew in from the kitchen window, through the house and wanted to exit through the living room balcony. I can imagine how confused the whole experience was. I think it must have hurt itself when it crashed onto the glass door, judging from the loudness of the "thud" sound of the crash. 

I do hope it is well and that it doesn't drop dead from some head trauma while flying.

2020 - Surreal

The year just zipped by and before I knew it, it ended. It was so surreal, everything seemed so dreamy. But when I reflected, objectively a lot of things actually happened. And every single event were, in some ways, affected by the COVID-19 pandemic - a pandemic that continue to rage the world over even as I write (well, perhaps not Singapore... I'll write about it a bit later). I will try to keep the blog focused and build on what I wrote in the middle of 2020. Here's my reflections on 2020 and I frame it in 7 paragraphs using the alphabets S, U, R, R, E, A and L:

Stressful

2020 was one of the most stressful year I can remember and it's not about specific things such as work, or family or friends or anything... rather, it's about everything and changes that occurred in almost every aspects of my life altogether (and I believe this was the same for everyone else in the world too). And this is due to the COVID-19 pandemic (no surprise). Change is stressful and to have to change everything all at one time was rather overwhelming. At home, the limited lock down that we were all subjected to for 3 months saw us working from home, avoiding public places, etc. We were literally forced to see things and do things differently and no one was prepared for it. And as creatures of habits, all these change were stressful, not just the individual level but all stressful to families, companies, communities, and even the country (and world). Thankfully, this stress was well managed given the many support that I got from people around me. I believe we navigated through this pandemic very well and we ended the year feeling relieved. All things has 2 sides - a good and a bad. And for this pandemic, the good thing about it is that it uncovers a lot of gaps and in doing so, forced us to stare hard at them and correct it. We end the year with a renewed sense of hope that things are in order, we are well-positioned to manage this (and future) pandemics, and that damages as a result of this pandemic is kept to the minimal.

Unreal

2020 was somewhat unreal to me. I mean, for the first time in human history, the world was threatened by a common virus. And every human on earth felt, experienced and responded similarly. It was surreal to see people across the globe donning masks, doing swabs, etc - things that we never could have imagined when we bade 2019 farewell. At home, we declared time out when we saw an increased spread of the virus. A circuit breaker period was imposed between the months of March and June. Cinemas, eateries, and all places where people congregate and socialise were not allowed to operate. Public spaces and streets got emptied out. Even mosques, temples, and churches. We were all asked to keep to our home and not go out unless absolutely necessary. The annual 3-step-1-bow ceremony that I had participated for over 25 years was cancelled. We were reminded time and again to observe social distancing, to wash our hands, not to spread untruths, etc. I supposed it was a blessing that in Singapore, the population is well-schooled in science and the explanations and scientific-based approach to solving the issue was understood and went down well with many. The population fell in line and responded to the government’s call to hunker down. Things worked, infections fell and within 3 months, we re-opened gradually, stage-by-stage. We eventually we went back to the workplace in September, and we ended the year with all restrictions very much eased. We are still far from over this pandemic, seeing how it continue to rage the world. For now, we just have to keep vigilant, continue to observe all the measures we had embraced since early 2020 - masked up, observe social distancing, wash our hands, and be responsible. And with the mass vaccinations that had started, I believe strongly that 2021 will be better.

Re-energised

As stressful and unreal as 2020 was, there was actually a silver lining for me - I have never been more healthy in recent years. And I attributed this to a change in lifestyle, diet and an increase in exercise. Sometime in February when we started working from home, I decided it would be more logical for me to cook instead of driving out a couple of times a day to buy our meals. This was a good decision, on hindsight. Apart from being healthier, the ingredients used was fresher, and I was also able to control the quantity I consume. I started doing walks around my estate during the lockdown period. I could do so as we had started working from home and the time saved from commuting meant I could sleep later, rest in between meetings and do my walks in the evenings. I gradually increased the distance of my walks and also started exploring different places in Singapore. So, I ended up walking around reservoirs, housing estates, across the island, etc. This change in diet and lifestyle resulted in me losing a significant amount of weight. At the start of the year, I was 84kg and by July, my weight had dropped to 75kg - almost 9kg lighter. Admittedly, I started walking as I needed to get a breather and get out of the house and not becos I wanted to lose weight. And the outcome was certainly not what I had planned. But my chronic backache improved, I slept better, and I felt more energetic. Then again, I must say my health was not perfect. I experienced a series of scares throughout the year - the couple of bouts of flu/ URTI, a bad case of conjunctivitis, a retina tear, the discovery of intestinal metaplasia (IM) after my gastric scope, and being told that as a Chinese asian man, there is a heighten possibility of the IM developing into stomach cancer, etc. I believe some of these are related to aging. Just have to embrace the fact that my body is not what it used to be. I am 54 after all, right? heh... I acknowledge and accept the aging process, and I adapt and made little changes to how I live. So in 2020, I stopped wearing contact lenses (after more than 4 decades), I cook more, I walk a lot more, etc. And overall, I would say, I do think I feel a lot healthier and energised. For 2021, I will work hard to keep myself healthy. 

Relationships

The social distancing in 2020 created tremendous impact on how we interact, collaborate and maintain our relationship with people around us. But our adaptability and resourcefulness was amazing. I strongly believe we came out of 2020 stronger, relationship-wise. We lost the opportunities to come together physically given the strict regulations put in place in response to the pandemic. Many missed the opportunities to meet up with families, friends and colleagues - even for a simple meal - impacted on our need for connections. We are, after all, social creatures. But we got creative and we quickly adapted. We resorted to technologies and in no time, we were zooming around with friends and families from across the globe. It was the same for my colleagues, my friends, my family and even myself. In context, and ironically, there were a lot more contact time with people close to me - case in point is my sister. She dropped by with cooked food more often, we shared recipes, reminisced and shared mum's recipes, etc. Also, at home, with no other distractions like gym, and meet up with friends, whatever time we had was spend together. We worked together (although in different rooms), eat together, do everything together, and of cos, watched a lot (and I mean - A LOT, A LOT) of Netflix and other TV programs together. As for friends, socialising went online. Birthday celebrations, funerals, etc went online. Such things would sound unreal and crazy just a year ago. But not anymore. It happened. It showed how adaptable we were. The saying that we are most creative when under stress was displayed in its full glory. Now, back to relationships - these shared experiences of stress and how we responded brought us together closer. And when things were relaxed, my friends and I were quick to reconnect physically (within the limits of pandemic guidelines, of course). We entered Phase 3 of the opening of the society at the end of 2020. I am hopeful there will be further easing of restrictions in 2021. 

Event-ful

2020 was anything but normal. Everything had to be re-imagined given that life had to go on, especially during the lockdown period. We worked hard to keep our spirits up, and encouraged and supported each other. And at the earliest time possible and safe, we started easing the lockdown measures. We continued life as much as we possibly could. Major activities and celebrations at all levels went on, albeit digitally or on a scaled down version. We had our elections, national day parades, major festivals, and so on. We sang together as a nation, people came out and sang at their balconies, waved their torchlights, etc, and even Pink Dot, Singapore's annual LGBTQ event went online. In many of these events, we saw people coming together, and we saw our community and political leaders coming out to encourage and to engage the populace. I supposed the daily briefings by the national pandemic task force, and the constant engagements kept people informed of developments and the measures taken to address the issue and it boosted people's morale. In contrast, we saw how the situation in many countries around the world deteriorate - China, India, ASEAN, and of course, the United States. We could only hold our breadth and pray hard the infections don't come to us. At work, things got pretty tough, we went digital in a huge way, literally overnight! During the lockdown period, yours truly here was made a part of a task force to make sure staff continue to be engaged as they worked from home. That was a very stressful period as we had to plan all sorts of communications initiatives, events, activities, etc virtually. It was one helluva stressful period but after some good common sense, and deep learning, things became more manageable. I cannot imagine organising regional senior leaders conventions and global events online just a year ago but I managed to do it in 2020! Huge pat on my back! Today, going virtual and operating online is rather second nature to most of us. I can expect things will go more virtual in 2021 and with this, I believe more things will change - how we organise ourselves at work, how we interact, etc. 

Appreciating What I Have

A huge positive outcome of 2020 for me was that I learned to appreciate what I have. Traveling overseas had been a major part of me over the past couple of years. At my peak, I travelled 3-4 times a month, even if it was a simple drive to Malaysia over the weekend. Traveling gave me the opportunity to unwind and to experience a different environment. It de-stresses me. But in 2020, all forms of travel was curtailed. It was really difficult for me initially and I felt the strain after a couple of weeks. Coupled with the stress of all the changes that took place at work, at home, etc, I almost went crazy. So I took to walking. And it was indeed a blessing for me. Apart from the improved health (as a result of weight loss), I got to see and experience, and more importantly, appreciate the many sights and sounds of Singapore. My walks through the different parts of the island (yes, Singapore is an island no more than 700-plus square meters) allowed me to discover parts of the island that I never knew existed. And so, I got to experience the full glory of the central catchment areas, the city sights, the nooks and corners of the heartlands... it was really good. It made me realise how, in our focus on things far away, we often fail to appreciate those things closest to us. What I have shared is about traveling. The same can be said about people, and relationships and it reminded me of a Chinese phrase - 远亲不如进邻 - translated, it means "a relative living far away cannot be compared to your neighbour". I supposed there's a lot of truth in it. I enter 2021 with a new sense of what I have around me.

Life Re-Defined

We entered 2020 with a view of how the world should be and what we wanted to do without realising nor predicting the upheavals that COVID-19 would bring to all of us. It was pure havoc. We ended 2020 with what many called a "new norm". In all sense, this term "new norm" is about right. Everything around us was totally re-defined. The life that we had known, the way things are done, the way we interact, etc are all different now. Local politicians are already telling us not to expect for things to go back to pre-COVID-19 days. In fact, they are already telling us and preparing us for Disease X. Well, to put in perspective, they are not threatening us, but rather, advising us that we should remain vigilant and embrace the new norm of being socially responsible, wash our hands, wear our masks and observe physical distancing. For it is these measures that will keep us in good stead when Disease X strikes. 

Looking at the reflections above, I realised I had used "we" lots of times. Frankly, I was not trying to write an essay about 2020 in general and trying to avoid being personal (notwithstanding the fact that I feel somewhat less motivated to blog these days). Rather, I found myself doing so because the effects of the pandemic is so pervasive it affected every single one of us. 2020 was a surreal year indeed, and to many a lost year.

I look forward to a better 2021.