Conversing in Malay

It’s been so long since I conversed in proper Malay - the spoken Malay sans any Chinese accent. It was something I could do and was comfortable with, given my mum’s Peranakan background, and I did so quite easily during my younger days, both at work and, at times, at home with my mum and my Malay neighbours.

You see, my mum was Peranakan, and her lingua franca was the Peranakan Malay language - a language that is very similar to Bahasa Melayu - the language that malays used. And similar to the Malay culture, we would eat with our hands, have sambal and spicy food as part of our normal diet, etc. During my growing-up years, mum would drill me in the Malay language, patiently teaching me the Malay terms for things around me. Till her later years, we would still converse in Hokkien with a smattering of Malay words. I’ve lost touch with it ever since mum passed on. But my familiarity with the culture and language have allowed me interact intimately with the Malay community to this day.

Two weeks ago, I was placed in an environment where people around me were almost entirely Malays. It was an interesting experience for me, as it allowed me to re-enter a world and culture that I’m very familiar with. Admittedly, I hesitated a little initially, as I had lost touch with the language, but eventually decided that the best way to integrate was to speak it. It started somewhat awkwardly, but things smoothed out with a little practice. I also made the effort to behave similarly and ate communally with everyone, using my hands. I even took it upon myself to wipe clean the floor after our meals.

 

I also made very nuanced and simple gestures - such as sharing an orange, passing packets of rice to people around me, eating only when everyone had their rice, etc. - in my efforts to assimilate. I could sense their quiet acceptance of me as “one of them” very quickly. Surprisingly, during one of their chats, one of them commented (in Malay, of course): Wahhhh, baru beberapa hari, dia sekarang boleh berbual-bual melayu sama kita… (wahhhh, it's only been a few days, he can now chat in Malay with us...). Interestingly, I also sensed them using more English when they reached out to me, and I appreciated it. These gestures told me I had been accepted by them - no further questions asked. 

And this reinforced my belief in the notion that “when in Rome, do what the Romans do”. I was glad I did - and it made the days pass so much easier.

“You want?”

Every morning, as I walk to the coffee shop at the nearby estate for breakfast, I will pass a landed property with a charming garden that’s filled with many flowering plants. One particular plant never fails to catch my eye - Wrightia antidysenterica. It is always in full bloom and I will often pause for a moment just to take in the beauty of its delicate white flowers. It’s such a simple pleasure, yet it brings a quiet joy to my morning routine. 

The owner of the house is an elderly gentleman. I’ve seen him many times, tending lovingly and painstakingly to his plants. We’ve never spoken, but over time, we’ve built a silent rapport - exchanging polite nods whenever we cross paths. This morning, I saw him again, seated on a small stool as he went about pruning his plants. And I decided to engage him…

Me: Good morning! You have really lovely plants! 

Elderly gentleman (looking up with a smile): Thank you! 

Me: I really appreciate the beauty of the flowers every time I walk by - especially the Wrightia. They’re so pretty! 

Elderly gentleman (beaming with pride): You want? 

Me (caught off guard): Ermmm… no lah. My place doesn’t get much direct sunlight, and I think this plant needs quite a lot to thrive. 

Elderly gentleman (nodding in agreement): Yeah… 

Me: Alright, see you! Thanks again! 

It was such a brief and simple exchange, yet I walked away feeling unexpectedly moved by his spontaneous offer. Truth be told, I had often wondered how I might get hold of this specific plant - and whether I should pluck (no pun intended) up the courage to ask him one day. And today, he offered it to me, just like that!

In that split second, so many thoughts rushed through my mind. While a part of me was thrilled, I also felt it wasn’t quite courteous to accept. Beyond that, I knew the plant wouldn’t do well on my balcony without sufficient sunlight. Logic kicked in - and I declined. Still, I was touched by his offer. As I walk on, I kept thinking about our exchange. 

If I had said yes, how would he have given it to me? Would he propagate it through marcotting? Or would he dig it up from the ground? That’s me and my mind spinning again. But as I reflect, I’m reminded of this: Loving something doesn’t mean I must possess it. Sometimes, the best way to love something is simply to admire it from afar - letting it bloom in the place it’s meant to be. 

And that holds true for humans too.

Trainer Effectiveness

Last weekend’s module turned out to be a real high point for me - I scored 4.9 out of 5.0 for overall trainer effectiveness! It’s a far cry from the painful 4.0 I got during my first attempt back in March - and I was told then that scoring below 4.2 consistently would put my trainer job at risk. Pressurizing, right?

Looking back, I’m truly grateful that the effort I’ve put into reviewing my content, refining my approach, and tweaking the activities has paid off. Since that first session, I’ve been averaging between 4.5 and 4.7 for all the modules I’ve conducted, and this recent score felt like a nod of recognition. 

What made this last run special was the energy and engagement from the trainees - it was infectious. I think choosing to trim the content a little and focus more on encouraging questions, interaction, and collaboration really made a difference. That said, I won’t be teaching this particular module again anytime soon, so I’d better jot down my learnings while they’re still fresh. 

In two weeks, I’ll be running another module - the very one I fumbled back in March. It’s super content-heavy and packed with complex concepts, which makes it a tough one. But I’ve improved since then, and I’m up for the challenge. Time to dive back in, review the content again, and sharpen it even further. It’s going to be tough, but honestly? I’m excited.

患难见真情

患难见真情 

... a Chinese idiom that means "the essence of a true friend will come clear during moments when you experience hardship"; or "a friend in need is a friend indeed". 

So very true.

Crying People

I’m not sure why, but over just the past week or so, I’ve had people - both men and women - come up to me and start sharing really personal stuff - not the kind of things you casually bring up. These were deep, emotional, sometimes painful stories. They’d tear up as they spoke, regardless of gender. 

“I’m a cancer patient.” 

“I feel stuck and don’t know how to move forward.” 

“I miss my son.” 

“I was unfairly dismissed by my ex-employer.” 

“I’m worried about my parents.” 

And honestly, these were some of the milder things they brought up. Their stories are heavy, and my heart goes out to them. More often than not, all I can do is listen - really listen. I'm not a counsellor, and I don’t have the answers. But I’ve learned that sometimes, what people need most is just someone to sit with them in that moment and not rush to fix anything. 

It’s not easy as often a times, the emotions can get intense. So whenever I can, I would help them gently sort through their thought, focus on what they can control and to achieve a little clarity in the middle of the chaos. And when they walk away feeling heard, comforted, or just a bit more settled than before, that means something.

Dead inside

Over the last week, I’ve met numerous people across the spectrum of society and held conversations with many of them. Through these exchanges, it struck me how dead I feel inside personally, but I also came to realise a couple of things.

Firstly, we may belong to different rungs and segments of society, but we all have similar aspirations. These usually centre around the people who matter to us and what we live for - our purpose in life and what we find meaning in. This is an area that’s badly lacking for me. Admittedly, when push comes to shove, I find myself dead inside and ready to leave this world if my time is up. Is there a positive way to see this? Maybe there is. I need to search for the answer.

Secondly, in times of crisis, everyone finds their own ways to manage their fears and insecurities. Some turn to religion. Some get chatty in an attempt to find people they can identify and connect with. Many keep to themselves as they look ahead. Regardless, we need to identify our source of support and hope. I found solace in looking inward and meditating. It kept me going.

Thirdly, the simplest things in life are always taken for granted. It can be as simple as the joy of feeling a breeze, seeing the greenness of nature, or, for that matter, the ability to hold someone’s hand. I need to appreciate what I have, be mindful of the now, and be grateful for the experience of life.

Last but not least, not everyone sees others equally as human beings, and the outcome is that respect and dignity are accorded differently to different people. That is the reality of life. Most importantly, we just have to be at peace with ourselves and not react.

For me personally, I find myself getting introspective, not because I deliberately withdrew from people, but rather, I found peace when I look inwards, empty as it was - yet, on the other hand, I naturally reach out to help people navigate their thought processes to find their own peace. It’s a very natural thing for me to do. All this despite finding myself dead inside, with no sense of purpose, and very much willing to just let go and disappear from this world. 

I need to find my learning points from this experience. 

I’m not sharing this because I want concern or advice. I just needed to put it into words. Sometimes, saying things out loud - quietly and honestly - is enough. I’d be grateful if you could just hold space for that, without feeling the need to respond/ reach out.

Defining 5 Days

8 - 13 June. Echoes of that fateful day in 2005 - only this time, it cut deeper. It made me reflect on the kind of society I live in, and what it means to belong. I’m penning this down to get it off my chest. Please don’t ask, don’t probe - just let it be.

Positivity

I think I’ve focused a little too much on negative things lately. Here are a couple of really positive things that happened and that I’m grateful for:

• Yesterday, I got a text from an ex-colleague-turned friend asking if I’m free for dinner next week. She shared that it’s her last day of work with her current employer and she wants to celebrate it. Felt really happy for her. To put things in context, this friend (let’s call her A) is a retiree and is currently working as a contract staff with a company. Her boss had not been very kind to her and she has been really unhappy at work. Despite her unhappiness, she continued working cos as a retiree, it isn’t easy to seek new employment, and she’s not ready to stop working. I’ve coached A since last year and empathized with her. Coincidentally, I found out from another friend that there was an opening in a company and I shared it with A. She expressed interest in it and I had a few conversations with her on how she might prepare herself for the interviews. But I didn’t really probe on the status of her application as I didn’t want to come across as being too intrusive. And last week, she texted me and told me she got the job! I’m so glad I was able to help her.

• I’ve been coaching this other colleague-turned-friend for over a year. Lately, he (let’s call him D) shared that he had applied for a job in a company in an industry that he’s really passionate about. I asked if he needed any support and ended up coaching him through the process. We had several conversations to prepare him for the first and second interviews, and I was elated to know he was eventually offered the job. I coached him again on how he might negotiate the offer e.g. to look at the overall package such as promotion and development opportunities, benefits, etc and not focused purely on the pay. I’m glad things turned out well for him. D has accepted the job and should be starting with the new company after serving his notice.

• I’ve been conducting training since March and so far, have delivered six or seven courses. When I first started, I fumbled with the admin and couldn’t really connect with the content. The pace of my delivery was uneven, and as a result, my evaluation took a hit. I just completed two courses last week and am really glad that I received strong evaluations for both (achieving an overall score of 4.9 out of 5 for trainer effectiveness). Comments such as “great pacing”, “trainer was able to connect well with trainees and shared additional notes beyond the content”, and “trainer was superb in his delivery and very well-executed programme, including the admin” validated my days of preparation. Very happy to know my hard work contributed to the positive learning experience of my trainees.

So yeah, the above were some of the more positive things that happened to me. I'm grateful for the opportunities to support my friends in their job search and to help my trainees learn better! The past few weeks have been draining and exhausting, and I’m off to KL for a quick weekend break!

:-)

Sick, again

Have been feeling somewhat under the weather over the past couple of weeks. You know, that kind of sick-but-not-really-sick, healthy-yet-not-quite-the-picture-of-health kind of state. Not a very comfortable place to be, I must say. It didn’t help that my mind was highly disturbed and I had insomnia most nights.

And finally, a few days ago, my body gave way and everything fell apart – terrible body aches, the sinus got badly choked, the parching feel in the sinus roof at night, followed very swiftly by a sore throat and congestion, then a violent cough, and since yesterday, I’ve finally lost my voice. Coughing and losing my voice is usually the start of a quick deterioration in my health whenever the flu sets in.

It was almost a repeat of what happened in early April, but this time round, I couldn’t allow it to get worse. I went to see the doctor and was prescribed a whole bunch of medications. It’s the usual flu season thing, the doctor explained, and shared that there’s been a spike in flu cases over the past two months.

It’s an unfortunate time to fall ill, as I’ve booked my tickets to KL tomorrow. But I’m not going to let this setback stop me. I’ll still go ahead with the trip – even if it means sleeping in when I’m there. And so, I shall drown myself in herbal tea today and hope for the very best. I’m sure things will be okay by tomorrow.

P.S. My back has improved a lot after visiting the sinseh, and I’m able to move about without too much trouble now. But still, I need to do so mindfully – can’t risk any further mishap until it’s fully recovered.

Back Injury

I twisted my back 2 weeks ago and it incapacitated me somewhat for a good few days. Today, while the pain has subsided, my back muscles continued to feel tight and uncomfortable. And these 2 days, I started experiencing rather bad pain in my left hip, particularly after my routine walks. I do suspect this is linked to the back injury; where my spine could possibly be misaligned. I probably need to pay a visit to the TCM to resolve this.

Embarrassing

Hegseth made a huge fool of himself (and by extension of his appointment/ position, his country) when he likened Trump to LKY - a highly revered founding prime minister of Singapore. My jaw literally dropped when I read about it and I can imagine the quiet gasps amongst the audiences when he said it.

Embarrassing. Totally embarrassing.