old stories - part 2

the preceding post had focused on my mum's early years. this part shall focus on the early days of my mum's marriage.

• mum came from a peranakan family, whereas dad came from a hokkien family. mum's family was very much localised in their way of life and her father was rather westernised, having been schooled in english and worked as a clerk in a law firm. in contrast, my paternal grandfather was a coolie that came from china. my dad, for that matter, was smuggled into singapore by my paternal grandparents. naturally, dad's family was superbly old-thinking when it came to marriages and kids, etc. as a result, mum was not well-liked by my paternal grandma (her mum-in-law) and this tension was to subsequently wreck havoc for her. 

• by the 50s, mum's family had moved to paya lebar (where the paya lebar mrt now stands), and she lived a few houses away from dad. they fell in love and one day, dad went over to her house and asked for her hand in marriage. my maternal grandfather agreed, on condition that he take care of her well. they were ahead of their time as during those days in the mid-50's, a lot of marriages were still pre-arranged. but for them, they met, fell in love. 

• my mum married my dad on the 26 oct 1956. they were both 24 yrs old at that time. it was an event that the whole kampong turned up to watch. my mum wore a white wedding dress matched with white hand bouquets. similarly my dad wore a full white suit. they looked very matching. as per tradition, my mum cried as she left her house for my dad's house (which was a few houses down the kampong lane).

• from the start, my grandma did not like my mum. she had preferred my dad to marry a chinese woman, not a peranakan. not a nonya from down the lane. such was the mentality of the older generation where they preferred their sons to marry someone from their own clan. my dad's had broken all rules and married someone from outside his hokkien clan.

• the early years of my mum's marriage was bad. she was ostracized and often criticized by my grandma for not being able to bear any grand children even after three years of her marriage. at one stage, my grandma even went as far as tried to arrange for my dad to take up a second wife, or at least, have an affair with someone so that he could sire a grandchild for her.
  

• this caused my mum tremendous emotional strain. in desperation, she consulted a medium. the medium advised her to adopt a baby and told her that if she adopt a girl, she would be able to bear a daughter. and that if she adopt a boy, she would be able to get a son. in desperation, she started looking for a baby for adoption. it so happened that her eldest brother, my tua ku, had just had a daughter. and because he already had many children (i think he already had 6 or 7 children by then), he gave his newly borned daughter to my mom. this baby girl is now my eldest sis.

• my eldest sis brought some reprieve to my mum. nonetheless, being a daughter of my uncle, my uncle and maternal grandfather had warned my dad that he should treat my sis well or he would have to face consequences. he doted on her. but as he had wanted a son (as per all traditional chinese family), he would dress my eldest sis as a boy. this was to carry on until my sis reached school going age.

• two years later, in 1961, my mum gave birth to my second sis. for some unknown reasons, my dad didn't like my second sis. he would show superbly strong favouritism between the two girls. this eventually took its toll on my second sis. the pain and anger still exist today.

that was how my two sisters came into being in the late 50s to early 60s. the arrival of my second sister and the absence of any baby boy in the family saw the start of a series of events that would eventually destroy my mum. this will be covered in the next post.