gay = kidults?

u u, yuan yuan & hum hum

i got this picture from a very nice friend who tells me he considers himself a kidult, an adult who enjoys playing with things associated with kids. accordingly, he considered these toys to be his "kids" and that he is single-parenting them. for that matter, he even gave his toys names! very interesting right? for myself, there was once in my mid-20s when i kept a lot a lot of bears. i clearly remembered how i actually took the trouble to arrange my bears neatly in a row at the back of my car. and i went to the extend of even having the biggest bear sit on my lap and placed his "hands" on the steering wheel as i drive. and i would imagine him driving the car instead!

xiao bai (before going to bed)
& don't you think his eyes are so very expressive?

thinking deeper, it struck me that many of my gay friends (and myself included) have some form of soft toys. for example, bee has a domo and a bear (which he calls xiao bai), and together, we have a couple of other toys such as astroboy, bert & ernie, dam has a roomful of eeyore the donkey from the winnie to poole series, and now this friend has his 3 "kids". and this begs the question - is being kidults and keeping soft toys something that is seen more amongst gay men?

domo & xiao bai

what do you think?

slipped disc (?)

i hurt my back last afternoon as i was preparing to head out for a job interview. i was brushing my teeth and scraping my tongue when i started coughing and next thing i knew, my back gave way. i couldn't stand up straight. it was so painful i could only manage to walk with my whole body bend. called my sis and she brought me to a chinese sinseh. this sinseh apparently had many years of experience and had been treating my sis and her family for more than 20 years. i did the driving and picked up my sis before we made our way to the sinseh's home.

when we reach the car park, my body had stiffened up and i couldn't move at all. in fact, i even had problem getting out of my car. thankfully, my mum's wheelchair was in the boot and my sis used it to wheel me up. the sinseh took a look at me, applied some medicated oil on my back and gave it a quick massage. i was literally squirming in pain as he did so. after the massage, he asked me to sit upright. i couldn't, the pain was just too bad. he continued with some more massage and the next thing i knew, he held my shoulder and pulled me backwards. i screamed out in pain and using his knees, he pressed against my lower back and gave a jerk. i screamed out again and immediately i felt dizzy. i felt my blood leaving my upper body and everything started to blank off. the dizziness got worst and my body went limp and i almost passed out. frankly, i didn't really know what happened after that. all i could remember was the sinseh giving me a glass of warm water and kept asking me to drink it as he led me to the sofa. when i sat onto the sofa, everything around me started whirling. and couple of seconds later, my body broke into cold sweat.

it was terrible. in what felt like a forever later, he explained to me that my spine has gone out of alignment (back sprain? slipped disc?) and that this has resulted in the muscles spasms (muscle strain). he said that he had managed to push it back in place and asked me to try to sit upright again (which i tried and yes, i could). the dizziness went off after 5min. my sis stood beside me through the whole process and she panicked a little cos she did not expect my face to turn green. after resting a while, we took our leave and my sis drove me home. from then till today, i had been bedridden. the back muscles kept getting into spasms even while i laid on my bed. really dislike this feeling of intense burst of pain. so for the whole of today, i did nothing but just downing pills after pills of muscle relaxant and painkillers. my sis bought me my meals while bee got me coffee and gave me a wipe down.

thankfully by evening, i felt a lot better and i managed to bring sapphie downstairs to pee.

whew! 

job interview 2

i was supposed to attend a job interview yesterday. it was for a job that i was not really keen on. but i decided to go for the interview as (1) it was recommended by an friend, and (2) i believe there are things i can learn from it. the job is similar to that of a general manager and the job scope is tremendously huge. 

the whole preparatory process for this interview is quite different from what i have experienced so far in my professional life. instead of asking for referees, the head of the unit asked for letters of recommendations. it caught me a little off-guard frankly. as such it was quite a rush for me given the need to write in to my ex-big boss and to request my staff to agree to provide such a letter. and of cos, i have to craft the initial draft for them too...

well, everything was finally settled on tuesday and yesterday came along. the interview was scheduled at 4pm. and at about 2.30pm, i started changing up. took a bath, brushed my teeth... and as i scraped my tongue, i coughed and next thing i knew, my back gave way! oouuuccchhh! damned! why must this happen at this very moment! i know there would be no way for me to go for the interview, and for that matter the second interview for the other job i wrote about earlier.

i had no choice but to call in and ask for the interview to be postponed...

job interview 1

for whatever reasons, i have gotten quite a few calls to attend interviews this week. and one of them was arranged in triple quick time. 

last friday night, i got a call from one of my ex-colleague who asked if i have found a job, and when she learned that i am still looking, she asked that i email my resume to her husband. frankly, i didn't know what her husband was working at but decided to email him nonetheless. to be safe, i phrased the content of my email in the most formal manner. you know, dear so and so, reference this and that, and gave an introduction to myself and so on. and not too long later, her husband replied and said that he will arrange for someone to interview me first thing monday morning. it was then that i realized he is the chief of department in a local airline company. whew!

and sure enough, i got a call and an interview was arranged on tuesday. the person that called me was very nice and asked that i wear informally. it would be a chit chat session he said and added that he himself would be informally dressed. again, i decided to play safe and wore my office wear, that is, long sleeve and pants. i decided to do away with the tie. i reckoned if i were overdressed, at least it wouldn't be too far from being informal. thankfully enough, when the interviewer appeared, he was in office wear, same as me! haha... the "chit chat" went well and i found out that this person would be the one i would be reporting to if i decide to take up this position. we ended the conversation with him telling me that he was keen to hire me and that he would arrange for me to meet his boss (who is my colleague's husband) on thursday (which is tomorrow)!

regretfully, i have to postpone this interview cos i had hurt my back. 

haiz...

ps: i am really appreciative of my ex-colleague for the referral. although we did not interact much, there were many occasions where i helped her and we ended up rather friendly to one another. perhaps that was why she referred me to her husband. karma at play? whatever the case, i am thankful to her for that.

flying kar chuak...

in my condominium, there are a lot of pilots and cabin crews. many of them are foreigners. take the resident's profile on my floor for example. there are 4 units. the pilot and i own one unit each. as for the other 2 units, they had been sublet out to a group of filipinos, and a group of thai sia air stewardess respectively. and given the pilot and the air stewardess' frequent traveling, my floor would usually be very peaceful and quiet. but two nights ago, this peace was badly disrupted.

you see, as i was about to doze off, i was awaken by a woman's scream. it was a superbly shrilling and  panicky scream, and it pierced through the quiet of the night. i never liked to hear screams and my imagination ran wild. a lot of questions ran through my head... did someone just jumped down? did someone commit a murder? and so on. and as i was still searching for an answer, another scream sounded off. and some few seconds later, a couple of screams rang through continuously. oh no, i thought, will mum's imagine run wild? given her paranoia, will the screams give her ideas of murder and houses being broken into? i felt very unsettled and i didn't like that feeling. instinctively, i got out of bed, opened my window and did a visual check and this was what i saw...

the bedroom window of the air stewardess unit was fully opened. one of the air stewardess was holding a broom and waving it like a mad woman. and another one of the air stewardess was running in and out of the room and looking superbly flustered and worried. after a few short moments, the woman who was waving the broom stopped and she quickly closed the window and shut the curtains. hmmm... if i guessed it correctly, the room must have belonged to the one that looked flustered. and based on my many previous experiences with james (my ex), the reasons behind the screams must be - a flying kar chuak (cockroach).

haiz... really, wtf right? i was sure her screams woke the whole neighborhood up! thankfully, there was no further screams after that. and when i think about it now, i thought it was a little funny.

:-)

picture from http://samandthedunes.com/tag/travel/

lu peranakan?

scene: hawker center. i was in a queue for vegetarian bee hoon when a chinese auntie and a younger woman (daughter?) cut right into the front. they were speaking to each other very quickly in malay and commenting on how nice this store's bee hoon and kway teow were. and after a short moment, the younger woman realized they had cut the queue and apologized. the following conversation occurred.

young woman (turning to me): oh, sorry sorry.

auntie (turning around): apalah sorry? kalau dia tak happy, nanti gua pukul dia!

me (shocked by her sentence, and sounding a little annoyed): auntie, tak boleh pukul gua tau? kalau auntie pukul, gua report polis, pangil polis tangkap

young woman (laughingly): ahhh, auntie sudah ada umur, polis tak tangkap punya

me (smiling): are you indonesians?

auntie & young woman (proudly): no no we are peranakan!

me: me too (which is only half true la)

auntie: ohhhh, ni macam, lu tau cakap melayu tak?

me (doh! what other language was i speaking in?): tau...

auntie (turning to the young woman): sekarang, banyak peranakan youngsters tak tau cakap melayu tau? (and turning to me) oh, by the way ya, kalau lu mau makan cendol melaka, boleh pi jalan tua kong ya? they have very good cendol there. tapi must go early ya, if not they very early jual habis...

by which time, their food was ready and they took their food and went off yak yak yak, as they continue their auntie talk. quite an interesting experience if you ask me. and when i thought about it, i thought it was regretful that the first question asked these days between peranakans is whether he can speak malay or not. not being able to speak one's mother tongue/ dialect is the start to losing one's touch with his/ her culture.

but on the other hand, waaaaaa! auntie called me a "youngster".

mata auntie memang sudah rosak!

hahaha!

picture from http://www.peranakan-kl.org

windows & doors

yesterday, while watching tv after my run, mum asked me what happened to the kitchen window glass panes cos she noticed they had been removed. (i removed them last year and she only noticed it now!) i told her i had removed them as i had had installed windows for the utility room and hence there is no more need for the kitchen to have window panes. from her gestures, i knew she didn't quite agree but she kept quiet about it.

and since we were at the topics of windows, and i took the opportunity to ask her why she has the habit of checking on all the doors and windows after i retire to bed. and this was despite the fact that i had ensured all windows and doors were locked before i retire nightly. and she replied: "ah gong (her dad aka my grandpa) used to tell me that before i sleep i must check to ensure all doors and windows are locked after mama (my grandma, her mother) has retired to bed"... and added that "that is why i need to check every night".

amused, i reminded her that ah gong had told her to do so in her capacity as a daughter. and that it is the responsibility of the daughter to ensure the house is properly secured after her mother has gone to bed. but now, she must remember that her role is no longer that of a daughter but a mother. therefore, the person that should be checking should be me and not her. her 'responsibility" now is to simply go to bed and sleep. after my explanation, she kept quiet for a moment, and then she let out a laugh, oh ya hor... she said.

tell you... despite the many heartaches of looking after an elderly with dementia, there are always amusing moments when you probe further into the logic of why they do certain things. and this was one of them. anyway, she has been relatively stable these last 2 weeks. i supposed the lunar new year period and the visitations have kept her mind relatively busy.

:-)

dear... so bloody sweet!

mum had been asking for kfc pancakes since mid-last week and finally, last saturday i made my way down to the kfc outlet at the nearby mall. when i arrived, there was already a queue and as per all law-abiding citizen, i joined in the queue. not too long after that, a guy with 2 kids in hand arrived and queued behind me.

this guy looked rather rough and tough. he should be in his late 30s, face macam kenah langgar by a truck (and gostan and gohead a few times somemore) and packed a reasonable huge paunch too. hmm, so totally not much of a looker and definitely not my type too, i thought to myself (ya, i admit, i was damned mean right?). and as he queued, he decided that he should ask if his wife would like to join in. and he whipped out his smartphone, pressed a quick dial number, and then shouted out to his kid to talk to the wife. "come come, talk to mummy and ask her if she wants to come for breakfast too! if she wants, daddy will order her share..." he shouted out as the kids ran away and play in the kfc outlet. sometimes, i wonder why daddies have this tendencies to ask kids to talk to their mums. i mean, already pressed pressed number and call got through and still... haiyohhhh! can't take it right!?! and those kids hor. come into eatery don't know how to behave and run around and scream like a lost wild animal from africa transplanted into the middle of modern civilization. tsk tsk tsk! i tell you, it's probably easier to just tie them to the lamppost outside the shopping center! at least people can eat their breakfast peacefully. haiz... ok, ok... back to my post...

when he held out the phone, i saw the words "dear" displayed on the screen. wahhhh... so sweet right? such sweet reference fby a man who looked totally incapable of any tender loving touch. haha! ok, ok, i admit. i was (and still can be) mean and i am superficial (if i want to) here...

but... he is so sweeeeet right? sweeeter than manuka honey lor!

lol!

picture from http://m.target.com/p/so-sweet-cookie-jar/-/A-14280546

baby cemetery

i attended a funeral of an ex-colleague's baby today and i realized for the first time that there is actually a muslim baby cemetery in singapore. 

the baby cemetery was located at the corner of the muslim cemetery and it was fringed by rows of nice natural tall trees and vegetation. the burial plots were a miniature of a normal adult plot. about half the size, if i am correct. and short of a better adjective, rather cute. as of today, half of the area allocated had been filled. and despite the fact that it was a cemetery, the baby's resting place didn't feel like one. it was, surprisingly, rather cheerful. ok, cheerfully-solemn. there were many colorful decorations, pinwheels and toys placed on most of the graves. and the presence of these colorful objects made the whole place looked rather cheery. yet, by the organized way each plot was position and the presence of tombstones, one was reminded that it was a burial ground after all.

and despite all the "cuteness" and "cheerfully solemn", we were quickly reminded that we were there for something very poignant and very serious once the body arrived. and in no time, the burial service and the burial proper were conducted. during that moments, all colors and toys disappeared from our focus.

picture from http://farm5.staticflickr.com/

death of a baby

i attended a funeral today. and there is something very solemn and sad about attending funerals. the whole process reminds me of our vulnerability and the fragility of life. and it is during such events that i get reminded about the sureness of death in life and that when it comes to treating people around us, there is no need to sweat the small stuff, and be nice and respectful.

and the mood today was even more poignant becos it was not a normal funeral. it was the funeral of a baby, my ex-colleague's baby to be exact. she was born a few weeks premature. the doctors had suggested a c-section delivery given that the baby's condition was not good and that there was no possibility of a natural, normal birth. and this was becos the baby had edward's syndrome. that was about 2-plus months ago. it was on a cool evening in the midst of my run when i receive an sms from an ex-colleague telling me about the birth. usually news of baby arrivals would carry a happy and celebratory tone, but that message did not. it ended by saying that the baby was underweight and its chance of surviving was bleak. after reading the message, i felt uneasy. i stopped my run, caught my breath and gave a call to my ex-colleague straight away.

he sounded a little tired and surprised to get my call. he explained the condition to me. there could possibility be a chance to live up to probably a year if she could pull through the first 2-3 days, he said. the doctors had asked if he wanted to let the baby go or to put the baby on life support. if he were to choose the latter, he should be mentally ready that it would be a long and arduous journey. medically, he was aware, that there was no cure and that he should be prepared for the baby to go anytime. nonetheless, he decided to put the baby on life support. i consoled him and told him to take things easy, leave it in god's hands and be strong. and i told him that as he focus his energies and resources on the new born, he must never forsake the well-being of his wife and his 3 other children. i visited the baby at the neo-natal intensive care unit (nicu) not too long after that. i must admit i felt rather distressed by the sight of a little baby and all the life support tubings radiating from its body. the baby was no bigger than a medium sized papaya, and weighed much lighter it seemed. her eyes were closed and she has all the physical features of a baby with edward's syndrome. and it was rather heart-wrenching to see the mother touching tenderly the baby's hands that were waving rather weakly as she struggled on with the life-support machines.

over the course of the last couple of months, we kept in close contact. two weeks ago, he sounded a little cheerful in his update that the baby's weight had increased a little. she was a little more than 1.6kg. and when she reach 2kg, she could be discharged, he said. when i heard him say that, frankly, i felt uneasy and mixed. i was happy that she was doing well. yet on the other hand, i knew it would be temporary and that the big picture was that edward's syndrome is incurable and that the future would be bleak. thinking about the emotional, psychological and physical stress that every one in the family had been going through, and possibly an intensifying of this stress when the baby goes home made me sad. it was during these moments that i do wonder if we were being (in)humane when we use medical equipments in our attempts to avoid the inevitable when we know there is no hope. nonetheless, we left it at that. that was not the moment to talk about such stuff.

two days ago, an sms came in - my baby is now in critical condition. i felt sad when i saw that message.  i knew the time had come. and i was sure he knew too. but it was not appropriate to say anything that sounded any less than good. i could only wish him strength.

and last evening, the news came in. my baby has passed away...

good visit to polyclinic

i had a slight abrasion on my left thigh last week and it developed into a terrible rash. it was super itchy and i decided to head to the polyclinic 2 days back. and since i was there, i might as well get some medication for my flu. 

i have heard of the terribly long wait that one would have to undergo to see the doctor. in addition, i have often heard about the bad services at our local polyclinics. frankly, i have never experience such waits nor services because i subscribe to the family doctor services and have personalized services and a dedicated doctor whenever i visit the polyclinic. and so, with this mental model of our polyclinics and low expectations, i walked into the marine parade polyclinic. and of cos, my visit to the polyclinic was rather interesting for the fact that 

• from the screening, i found that i had regained the weight lost over the past month or so (damned!)
• i was allocated a doctor that specializes in woman's issue, and 
• there were so many national service boys! and a few of them were rather cute too! haha... perhaps it was the fact that i had boys to look at that made my time pass quite quickly? hmmm...

overall, i thought it was a good experience. i must say that the whole approach to patient management was rather clinical (no pun intended). the whole visit could be broken into 4 stages - registration, consultation, pharmacy and payment. and the wait for each of the process was acceptable to me. not too long but the crowded was cleared systematically and in the most orderly manner. my whole visit lasted some 1 hour 15 minutes, which i thought was not too bad at all!

and in terms of the services, it was actually quite good. people addressed me by my name, smiled at me, tried to make small talk as they treated me, and the doctor went an extra mile too. i was waiting at the pharmacy when the doctor came to me.. mr sim, i think you'd left your keys in the consultation room... and with that she held up my keys! thank good ness for this, else i'd have been stranded at the polyclinic!

:-)

flu flu flu...

it's flu time again in the family... i think we must have got it from my niece when we visited my bro's place last week for the prayers. but that is not material now. fact is, my mum has been coughing non-stop for the last couple of days and the cough doesn't seemed to improve. and as for me, i am also starting to cough and my throat has been feeling somewhat unwell over the past few days.

been giving mum some cough mixtures. if her cough doesn't improve over the next few days, there will be a high chance for her to come down with pneumonia or bronchitis and that would mean another round of hospitalization... sighs. this has been the pattern for her over the pass few bouts of flu. need to manage and hope for the best. as for me, well, have been fending the flu off with lotsa water and exercise. so far, i've been holding well. will be heading for an interview mid-week, hope i do not come down with a fever or loose my voice...

tongkat ali

well, i was chatting with natkean and dilbert this morning and the topic of tongkat ali surfaced. hmmm, frankly, due to my aging mind, i could not really recall how it came about other than i mentioned it. i think it must have been something to do with supplements, collagen or something, and that the conversation went on to someone saying collagen tasted like cum... haha, ok before i digress, yup, tongkat ali. i mentioned about tongkat ali and asked if the pharmacy natkean spoke about sells it. and he was kinda curious why i asked about it. of cos it is about impotence, i said. this was something i blogged about previously. well ok, to be exact, about the need to maintain a certain level of male health (you know...) and to stay healthy of cos. (ya... i can hear you guys going "ya rite!")

and talking about tongkat ali, i actually studied it when i was an undergrad some 26 years ago (gosh, that was a superbly long time ago)! i remembered clearly one day when we were in the midst of a field trip to the bukit timah forest and we came across a rather interesting looking plant. we stopped and my supervisor told us, with this cheeky grin on his face, that it was something men take to boost their sexual prowess. we quickly moved on after that and the topic was never brought up again. heh heh... anyway, the vernacular name "tongkat ali" means "ali's walking stick" in malay. i understood that the reference to "walking stick" was due to the fact that the plant typically has a central long stem, like a walking stick, and a nice rosette crown of compound leaves at the top. and as to why the name "ali", hmmm... perhaps the person who first used it was called "ali"? haha... whatever the case, the scientific name of this tropical plant that is endemic to this region is euricoma longifolia. this plant is commonly used by natives for its healing as well as its aphrodisiac qualities. ok, shan't go into the botanical details of this. you can read it here if you are curious enough! 

while it was not too well known commercially back then, the popularity of this plant has since spread  far and wide. products of this plant can be found in all sorts of forms and drinks now. just google it and you can find lots of it in the net. but beware, i read that there are many fake products too... and as for me, well... if there's something to take to boost my health, i guess it is ok right? 

heh heh...

;-)

picture from http://www.itsnature.org/plant_life/vegetation-plants/eurycoma-longifolia/

professional crossroads

here i am again, at another crossroad of my professional life. and it is even more difficult for me now compared to 3 years ago when i left service given my age. and as it stands now, there are many choices for me.

firstly, i have the option of going into general managership. for that matter, i have an interview coming up for a such a role in a private school next week. given the superbly wide span of responsibilities, i can expect it to pay relatively well. and assuming that i get the job, it would also mean i will be chopping myself off from what i am strong in and subjecting myself to a whole lot of stress. the opportunity cost would be tremendous if i take this up and realize downstream that it is not what i want.

secondly, there is this option of looking for a job related to what i am strong in. as it stands, i have applied for several positions, both in the government as well as private sectors. this option would allow me to perform what i am good at with some possible exposure to conduct training, something that i am passionate about. and renumeration-wise, i can expect the package to be relatively ok, not fantastic, but able allow me to sustain.

thirdly, there is the option of going on my own and assuming the role of an associate training and an associate coach. this is an interesting option and i will be able to do what i like, i.e, train and coach. there is currently a company that is very keen to sign me up. but the renumeration would be relatively unstable as it is paid on project basis and the package would not include areas such as medical benefits, cpf payouts etc...

lastly, i have the final option of giving up corporate life and do social work. of the few options, this would probably be the least stressful. and i can also expect this option to come with the lowest renumeration and i am not sure if i am able to sustain my livelihood if i choose this option...

sighs... crossroads indeed. i certainly need to sit down and chart out the details before i can make a more informed decision about what i should focus on as i move ahead. my gut feel as of now is that the last option is out. and in terms of priority, would it be option 2, 3 followed by 1? or 1, 2, 3? or 3, 2, 1? hmmm... i really need to sit down a reflect what i want... pay, strength or passion?

think think think. what would you do if you were me? any advice?

for now, i will sleep over it...

:-)

empty wait

remembered i wrote about going for 4 rounds of interview and then they told me they would make the decision end-dec? and by end-dec, the response the company gave was that they would review the decision end-jan? well... end-jan came and went. and upon checking with them again after the lunar new year break (yesterday to be specific), their response was that they have frozen all hiring and will only make the decision in jun this year. 

despite my jolly cheerful tone when i spoke with the headhunter, i felt a sense of betrayal. then again, there were no promises. the headhunter explained that there was some internal politics that the hiring manager had to contend with and it was really beyond her. well, i totally understand but i find it hard to swallow. darned! that is certainly not a professional way to handle recruitment! what the hell right? anyway, i wrote to her, and nicely told her that i will be moving on to look for other jobs, and that i continue to look forward to be able to be part of her team... cross the river but don't burn the bridge i reminded myself. 

frankly, i would be lying if i say i was not upset by this whole episode. any normal person would. after all the positive vibes, the 4 rounds of interviews, etc. but well, i told myself i have to accept it. what's not yours will not be yours. on the other hand, i would say that in a way, i had half-expected this to happen, despite sounding all positive about it. or perhaps i had been jaded... or perhaps i had harboured hopes about it sub-consciously. whatever... move on, i told myself. they do not deserve me. 

it didn't take long for this development to sink in. admittedly, in the last months, although i had continued with my job search, i must say i did not put in my full efforts into it. but yesterday itself, within the day itself, i surprised myself by actually applying 2 jobs within half a day! haha... well, i will be heading for an interview next week. it was something recommended by a friend from my previous organization. i must say that i am not really looking forward to this position, but let's see how. anything is better than nothing currently.

press on, press on...

:-)

拜天公

we celebrated the birthday of the jade emperor (天公生) on the evening of the eighth day of the lunar new year (last sunday evening). it was indeed a long a busy day for us, all the preparations, the sugar cane, cooking the meats, etc... it was an annual affair and a grand one indeed. and this was the only time of the year that we would transfer the urn that we use on the family altar for him. and of course, special attention would be accorded to the setting of the altar and all the associated paraphernalia (i understand from mum that the way the altar was arranged was something she learned from my grandparents decades ago. with specific baba influence, i supposed?).

interestingly, from what i read, i realized that many of the practices we do (like starting the prayers at 11pm and ending by midnight, offering of ang ku kuih, tee kueh, sugar canes, etc) are all very similar to what the the hokkiens and the peranakans in penang do! and as to the origins of this celebration, you can read more about it in this link...

haha!

:-)

missing bread

i usually buy and leave french loaves on the dining table as mum would eat them for her breakfast daily. and usually, i will buy 4 loaves at a go and they would last some 3-4 days, depending on mum's appetite. what happened was yesterday, when i left the house, i noted there were still 3 loaves of bread on the table. but when i returned, none was left. and staring at me with a guilty face and with her tail wagging slowly and lowly was none other than... yup, you guessed it. sapphie!

hmm! naughty girl! anyway, if this were to happen years ago, i would have probably given her a good trashing and/ or scolding. but these days, perhaps i have gotten used to it or that i am a lot more patient, i simply smiled at her and told her nicely not to do it again (like as though she understand)... haha! just looking at her looking at me with her guilty face was enough to tell me that she knew it was wrong. and come on, what else could you expect a dog to be right? she was simply being herself!

:-)

wt* pool sightings!

recently, i have seen some very interesting sights at the swimming pool and so i thought i should blog about it. and as i do so, i might as well include the many things i have seen before too! and yes, these were all sighted in our public pools. and incidentally, what i have listed below were all sighted at one particular pool! haha...

• parents who use normal diapers for their kids in the pool (!)
• children running around the pool naked
• children who wear swimming suits that are at least 2 sizes larger than what they need
• grossly obese woman with mega-love handles, gigantic arms, thunder thighs, etc...
• as above, and wearing translucent sarong
• as above, and sunbathing in skimpy bikinis
• as above, and snacking non-stop on nuts and carbonated drinks
• women wearing the tudung (religious headscarf) while sunbathing
• as above, and sat near gay men in skimpy trunks
• women who wear the skimpiest bikinis sunbathing
• as above, facedown and their bikini tops unstrapped (confirmed real ones... lol!)
• monk swimming
• men who wear underwear (those chinese brand ones) to swim
• men who wear tights over their swimming trunks
• men who wear 2 swimming trunks
• men who wear swimming trunks that are at least 2 sizes larger than what they need
• men who wear swimming trunks that are at least 2 sizes smaller than what they need
• men who wear g-strings
• men who wear skimpy swimming trunks
• as above, lie prone on the floor for so long it seemed like they are glued to it
• men who wear skin-coloured swimming trunks
• men who wear leopard-print swimming trunks
• men who wear tiger-print swimming trunks
• men who wear luminous-tone swimming trunks (esp lime green, bright blue, and deep pink)
• men who wear translucent swimming trunks (esp light coloured ones)
• as above, in the wading pool trunk became almost transparent!
• men who wear translucent g-strings
• men who wear nothing but a tiny towel
• men who wear cock-ring in their trunks
• men rubbing oil on every little cracks and crevices of their body
• men rubbing oil on every little cracks and crevices of each other's body
• men who jogs around the pool
• men who dance by the side of the swimming pool
• men who visits the pool toilet and not the pool/ tan
• men who does stretching in the pool toilet
• men who does ballet dance stretching in the pool toilet
• men who keeps showering non-stop in the pool toilet
• men who parades around in the pool toilet in birthday suits
• as above, but with a cock-ring and exposing themselves to selective audiences
• men who have sex openly in the pool toilet (!) 

doh! doh! doh! (and by the colour coding, you should know the category of people i am referring to...)

:-)

picture from http://www.sacramentogaymen.com

人日

last saturday was the seventh day of the chinese lunar new year and it was celebrated by many as 人日 (human day). and as usual, my phone was inundated with lotsa birthday greetings, after all that day was celebrated as a birthday for all humankind. as for many chinese in south east asia (more specifically, indonesia, malaysia and singapore), they would commemorate the day by having dinners with family and/ or friends. and importantly, the tossing and eating of the 鱼生 (yu sheng) or raw fish salad is a necessity during this dinner. 

and that was what bee & i did with schneider and natkean. it was a simple but heavy hokkien dinner followed by a round of poker game at bee's place! so it was an evening of food, food, food & more food, cookies, cookies cookies & more cookies, cards, and wine. and of cos, natkean was kinda stuck with the chinese serial that bee played. and above all, it was a simple but very very good break for me. considering the fact that the dinner was almost called off as mum went into a major emotional swing/ tantrum that very morning itself (that lasted through to sunday)...

:-)

picture from http://imgfave.com/search/food%20porn

i can't get hard (enough)!

feeling a little bored, i googled "sex and the middle-aged man" this morning. and surprisingly, a whole lot of resources appeared. scrolled down the list and one of them caught my attention. it was on erectile dysfunction (ed), aka unable to get hard, impotence, and so on. and considering that in the past few months, i do not seemed to get as hard as i used to, and that i need a longer time to orgasm (if i do indeed cum), i decided to read it up...

when i clicked on one of the links, i was put through some simple questions to determine my category and hey! no surprise! i am considered a "middle-aged man"! doh! anyway, the interesting thing i noted was that there is actually a questionnaire created for people to take as part of the process to determine the severity of their ed. there was the full version (which comprised 15 questions and that i tried but i cannot find the link to interpret the test results), and the shorter version that comprised only 5 questions. and interesting, as i navigate and answer the questions, i realized i had difficulty answering some of them. in a way, i had tensions with the functional approach to how  the questions were crafted. firstly, the questions crafted suggest that sex must be about penetration. it does not cater to men who choose to abstain from sex/ masturbate as a "norm". secondly, the questions all assumed that the men is always the top/ or plays the penetrative role, and that sex that occurs between 2 individuals have to be penetrative in nature. such narrowly scoped question certainly do not cover the breadth of a person's behaviour/ preference when it comes to sex. and lastly, it assumes that there is a certain frequency of penetrative sex that must occur for one's organ to be considered to be healthily functional.

and my goodness, whoever designed the questions should know never to include qualifiers/ conditions as part of the questions... "if this... if that..." hmmm... not an easy task answering the questions... if stress is a factor of ed, then answering the questionnaire itself would make a person soft straight away! i tried all sorts of different answers and the results i got were - that i am having anything from severe to moderate to mild ed! ok, ok, before i digress and make this post into an academic discussion on how to craft good questionnaire questions, let me get back to talk about ed. bottom line, a questionnaire is nothing but one of the many tools used to help diagnose ed, one needs to see it in the full perspective of other means including the need to see and discuss the issue with a professional/ doctor.

well, perhaps the assuring thing that i came to realize was that all middle-aged person will at some point experience a decreased in his libido, and the degree of hardness in his erections. but having said that, all middle-aged person should and can continue to enjoy sex well into old age. there are also things that one should make a conscious efforts to do and that include (1) to stay off alcohol, (2) to not smoke, (3) to exercise regularly, eat right and to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and finally, (4) to manage one's stress. and reflecting, i can only conclude that what is affecting me is point number 4. 

and so, what i conclude here that the days where i can get so hard i felt it could burst again and again and again... is over. or more accurately, those days were over a long time back!

haha...

picture from http://www.vuotquaroiloancuong.com/

mrt on fire!

now i finally know the reason behind the mrt track fire yesterday! just take a look at the picture! darned! with this kinda public protrusion, anyone would be on fire! and hey! what have i been missing all these years! time to change to pubic, oops i mean, public transport...

well, i got this picture from a friend and i forwarded it to some friends, all guys and a girl. of cos, all the guys, yes, every single one asked about and commented on his family jewel. and the girl? her reply was "i wonder what he was reading" haha! talk about how men's brain are wired differently from women's brain. then again, gay men are supposed to be no different from woman when it comes to such things. right? 

but ya... looking at the picture, that guy must be gay. his dressing and colours were just too co-ordinated! and oooo, look at those arms! 

*like*

(picture cropped to minimize the guy's face...)

happy v day

tomorrow is valentines day. 

hmmm... it seemed like a non-event for many this year, especially when everyone is still in the thick of the lny celebrations. or wait! could it be that for me, becos i don't really celebrate it, that is why i feel it is a non-event? whatever... anyway, for me and bee, admittedly, we celebrated it during our early years by going to restaurants for a nice dinner and drink wine. but we realized we were spending a lot of money over lousy mass-produced food and lousy cheap wines. subsequently, we did our quiet valentines meal a day or 2 before. and in recent years, valentines slowly became a non-event.

personally, i thought the idea of having a day to commemorate and celebrate love is a good one. but these days, it has been over commercialized and over-hyped. and everyone who celebrates it seemed to wanna do it to proof a point and/ or to outdo others. there must be roses, there must be a western meal (duh! why not zichar? or hokkien mee? or mee pok tar hiam cheo chueh chueh?), there must be wine, and for some, this is the day give his/ her first strawberry/ cherry experience to that someone. then again, there aren't many virgins left these days. hah! i mean, wtf right? haha... herd mentality at play. sighs. after all, if the heart is at the right place, everyday can be that romantic valentines day that we share with that special someone, right?

and talking about valentines meal, i met bee for lunch today. and since keeping my hair recently, it is now a little messy long and i decided to gel it and finger comb it backwards. and during lunch, bee commented "hmmm, you are balding..." haha! ok, i have digressed. let's get back to valentines. perhaps it is a good thing stretch the concept of love, since we are at it! let's wish everyone around us love, our parents, our family, our partner(s), our lover(s), our friends, just about anyone...  

happy valentines everyone!

picture from www. gaypolitics. com

12km...

i just ran 12km. heh heh... well, i actually surprised myself. wanted to do a long run to burn away all the food i had over the past few days. kinda felt guilty about it but had not planned for 12km per se. nonetheless, i just ran and ran and ran. and by the time i completed the full route, my runkeeper registered 12km. heh heh... and i was like oh wow... 

interestingly, as i ran, i thought of lots of things. work, friends, life in general, blanking off, and of cos, the number of calories i'd be burning. and was kept crossing my mind was - 1 kueh tart is equivalent to about 65-70 calories. so, if my run can burn 1000 calories, i would be able to burn about 14-15 kueh tarts... and this kept my mind occupied. it took away the boredom away at times. and it was rather meditative i must say. so, in the end, i completed 12km. this is equivalent to about 920 calories or 13-14 kueh tarts. 

haha!

ps: but well, i realized i had blisters on my middle toe after the run! aiyoh... the last time i had blisters was more than a decade ago!

picture of pineapple tarts from http://singaporecoupons.blogspot.sg

an omg-moment!

this morning, i had an "omg-moment". i got an email from someone. and it was not just anyone, but someone from my primary school! yup! primary school! that was like almost 40 years ago! in his attempt to reconnect with old friends, he had googled my primary school name and eventually found his way to my blog. and despite my not reflecting too much of my name in this blog, he managed to deduce my identity! heh heh...

but i must confess. initially, i felt a little bewildered. the email i received had a name that comprised an english name and a surname. the structure of the name and the name itself did not click. in fact, such names were not very common during those days. but when i opened and read the email, the sender identified himself and spelt out his full chinese name. and he went on to mention a couple of other names, i was like - omg omg omg... these were names from my distant past! and for that moment, i had lots of flashbacks! i felt like a little boy all over again! haha!

i replied the email quickly and by afternoon, we had exchanged our numbers and spoke over the phone. man! it felt good. 

lol!

of kisses & smooches

i shall write a short post about kissing in this entry. 

recently, i watched a tv serial where the girl was superbly health conscious. or rather, she's superbly cleanliness conscious. well, not ocd per se, just super super cleanliness conscious. and in one particular episode, during a date, her boyfriend wanted to kiss her and she freaked out and said that she would be exposed to millions of bacteria from her boyfriend. haha... it was quite funny, although true (see this link about kisses). but really, if we were to be so conscious about such things, then we might as well forget about living right? heh heh. then again, i must say here that there are a few things related to smells, hygiene and habits that you need to observe when lip-locking...

• if you are a smoker, gargle and rinse with a mouth wash before you kiss, smokers' breathe and the taste of smoke/ nicotine can be very uncomfortable, especially to non-smokers.

• bad breath can be very unbearable... 'nuff said.

• and associated with bad breath is bad body odor. body odors can kill! nothing beats getting yourself a nice and fresh before you kiss/ engage in intimacy with someone. and this includes wherever possible, to take a nice shower! especially after you run, or worst still, if you are heavily obese and exude a strong smell.

• also, if you have dry mouth/ dry chapped lips, chances are you also have bad breath, please please hydrate, drink and gargle. worst still, imagine kissing and smooching halfway and it starts to bleed. eeks!

• when you french kiss, don't suck like there's no tomorrow! you don't want to suck the life out of the person you are kissing. play with your tongue. make it wet! wet kisses are so erotic! but certainly, don't leave a wet floor of drools... heh heh.

• and remember, when french kissing - don't suck until you taste blood. we need lovers, not draculas in this world! haha...

• nibble sensitively if you wish to, it can be rather fun, but don't bite (especially when you french kiss)! arghhhh... 

• if you have cold sore, stay far far away. last you want is to infect your partner with it! 

• if you have mustache, for goodness sake, trim... last thing you want is to have the hair stuck between your teeth. having a by-the-way tooth flossing is fine, but imagine the hair getting stuck (or worst still, hair from the nose or even lagi worst, hair from down there) in between your teeth, aiyoooooooh!

• and if you want to have something in your mouth to freshen your breath, eg chewing gum, mint, etc... get rid of it before kissing. the last thing you want is to have someone choke on it halfway through...

and as a final point, it is always a good idea to eat a lot of fruits (especially citrus fruits) and drink lotsa water. makes everything about you fresh and oh, by the way, i read that it makes you (you know...) taste sweet too.

hahaha...

how was your lny?

"how was your lunar new year (lny) uncle?" that was a question posed to me by someone via whatsapp. well... it's a loaded question if you want to read deep into it. but as usual, i reply loaded question with an equally loaded answer. i said "i had a very uncle lny"!

heh heh... then again, really, for many singles and that includes all glbts, lnys are something to be avoided. i mean, with the common questions related to "when are you getting a boyfriend/ girlfriend?", "when are you getting married?" etc, it has become somewhat of a terror festival. can't people just simply don't ask about such things during lunar new years? haha... then again, if people don't ask about such things, what else can they ask right? there are only so much people can talk about the rain and the clouds... so questions related to first son, to second son, to third son (and daughters) will invariably come into the conversation right? so, it was for such reasons that many single people hide themselves from visiting relatives or visit relatives... well, perhaps it is ok and perfectly fine when one is young, but when one gets into the mid-20s, hmmm...

as for me, i do enjoy such gatherings. and over the years, i have learned to dodge such questions. my answers to questions from aunties about "when am i getting married" will include lines like "oh, when my turn comes, i will sure invite you one..." or "aiyah, don't ask me la, your son also not married what? so when is he getting married?" or "when your son get married, i will also get married lor" (for that record, my cousin's gay too so i know i will not be treading into deep waters with such answers)... and of cos in recent years, "aiyah, nowadays getting married is no longer in fashion! my mum always says in future got someone to look after me, who knows, in future i will have to look after her instead..." and then i will laugh it off. so...

anyway, back to the question "how as your lny uncle?", well, frankly, i visited bee and a close friend. and today i brought my mum to visit my brother and to look after my nephew (he is such a bundle of joy at 2 months old!). that was it. otherwise, it was simply resting at home, watching tv and eating lny goodies. then again, lny is still not over yet. there are still 12 days to go. so... yup, tomorrow, we will be receiving the kitchen god from heaven (or at least, my brother will be doing it), this saturday (7th day of lny), we will be celebrating man's birthday by having yu sheng, and on sunday (8th day of lny), we will be celebrating the celestial god's birthday by making offering at midnight. and finally on the 15th day of lny, we will be having a small reunion dinner again before the lny celebrations formally ends. and as to the question about whether i receive any ang pows, yes i did. nowadays, i will not reject ang pows like i previously did. instead, i would accept it graciously when given. after all, there is joy in giving, there is joy in receiving, and i am sure i give people the joy and satisfaction to know that i am receiving what they offer right? 

so, how was your lny thus far?

haha... 

wrong lny greeting!

i get lots of sms/ whatsapp greetings from friends. and i do really really appreciate the fact that my friends remembered me and had send me well-wishes. thank you thank you thank you!

but frankly, i have my reservations about the content of many of the mass-send messages. you see, over the past couple of years, i have seen people getting really creative about these messages. they make use of words to create pictures, they use emoticons, etc. and in very recent months, i see an increased use of those self-made cartoons. truth be told, my hair stands when i listen to the screechy voice. eeeeeks! well, i must say that initially in the first couple of festivals, it was quite interesting to see all the different messages. very refreshing compared to the simple greetings, but nowadays, i look forward to simple greetings! mass send messages has become somewhat of a bore to me. too much of it and you feel irked by them, especially when they carry a lot of mistakes. and i noticed people have gone as far as to forward the messages they received without giving a hoot about what the content was... the following are 3 very glaring mistakes i see...

• forwarding messages without reading them and in the process, also forward the signature block of the person who had forwarded the message to them. i once got a message from a girl and at the bottom of the message, it was signed off by a guy and his wife!

• forwarding messages from previous year without realizing that the details were related to the year before. case in point was this year, year of the snake (蛇). i have gotten this message titled  蛇来了 from many people. this message has many 4-character phrases that depict some good auspicious wishes. and interestingly, the person who composed the initial greeting had duplicated the series of wishes 5 times and aligned them into a vertical chain such that when one scrolls the message quickly, the effect was that of a slithering reptile. but when you read closely, you will realize that there were at least 5 phrases that went "龙年吉祥" and the word "龙年" or "dragon year" suggests the message was meant for last year!

• forwarding messages from another country without realizing it. i suspect the message 蛇来了 (as mentioned above) originated from taiwan. this was becos i noticed there were some characters that looked suspiciously unfamiliar. i suspect they are characters invented in taiwan as part of their efforts to redefine/ simplify the chinese language. then again, my chinese is not that good and so i am not too sure if this was indeed so. nonetheless, i queried the girl (who smsed that message to me) about the origins of the message, she said she got it from a hong kong friend... haha...

so when i get such creatively composed messages, i refused to read them anymore. i simply delete them and reply with a "haha...". but of cos, i reiterate here - i do appreciate the fact that my friends remembered me and had send me a greeting. it was the content that i cringed. frankly, i feel that when one wants to send a greeting, one should do it from the heart. cos when you do it from your heart, you will vet and proof-read them, you will personalize them and you will sign it off well. after all, it is from no one else but you and you own it. for the above example, i initially wondered if i could also use it too. but i thought it wouldn't be nice to send out things i didn't vet through and whewed when i saw the mistake, i decided to simply delete it! lol! so, after all these experiences, i decided to simply send out a simple greeting. something that is personalized, and carry a simple greetings. something that is as simple as "dear jeff, happy lunar new year". and yup, i really appreciate such greetings, and i am sure you too.

:-)

re-cycled food

so, let's talk about lunar new year food...

i always find it interesting and rather ironic that we have excellent freshly cooked food for our reunion dinners. and then we eat all the left overs on the first day of the lunar new year, or for that matter, first 2-3 days. haha... then again, you cannot underestimate left over food. food that has been left over make the best dishes for rice after they are recooked again. in fact, many of the best asian cookings are food that had been stewed over and over again. just think about kong bak (stewed pork, hokkien style), chap chye (stewed vegetables, hokkien/ nonya style), bibimbap (rice mixed with stewed beef and assortment of vegetables, korean style), and for that matter, curry chicken that has been cooked over and over again! yummy right? haha... from another perspective, i think we asians (particularly, chinese) are one of the most eco-friendly people... we leave almost nothing behind. heheh...

but i would go further to posit that this is a result of environmental conditioning. a case of survival cos traditionally and historically speaking, before the invention of the refrigerators, many would preserve meats, vegetables, fruits, (through drying and the use of sugar/ salt/ wax/ etc) when winter approaches and eat them through the winter. in fact, as recent as in the 90s, i still see chinese people in their villages kill their pigs and hang them out to freeze just like how they dry their laundry! and with the coming of the lunar new years, or to celebrate the arrival of spring, they would bring out all the leftover preserved meats, stewed and soften them into delicacies and wallop them! after all, food kept through the moist weather of spring will likely spoil due to moulds and what have yous! so... 

but of cos, many of these practices had been retained despite the fact that many mainland chinese had migrated to warmer countries such as malaysia and singapore. so, here in my family, we continue to enjoy lup cheong (preserved pork sausage), stew our roast pork, chap chye, etc... haha! and so for lunar new year this year, it was simply food and more food! yup, jiak jiak jiak! i had roast duck, roast pork, steamed chicken, babi ponteh (nonya kong bak), steamed fish (must have cos fish or yu sound like abundance in chinese), tofu fried with leek (suan for prosperity, cos the word suan [or leek in hokkien] sounds like "count" or "count money")... of cos, some other common dishes that we used to have in recent years include curry chicken, ayam buah keluak, ngoh hiang, steamboat, etc etc etc...

so what did you have for your lunar new year reunion dinners and on the new year itself?

yums!

happy & ssssexy lny...

the chinese lunar year coinciding with the gregorian 2013 is the year of the snake, to be exact, the year of the black water snake.

frankly, i dislike snakes. it has been ingrained into my psyche since young that snakes are fearsome creatures. but i must mention that historically, or traditionally in the asian context, snakes have been featured as good and successful creatures. you can see lots of examples snakes being featured many hindu and buddhist stories in benevolent and altruistic acts. and across many parts of asia, especially south asia, it is clear that many have this fear yet deep reverence towards snakes. but this is not so amongst many people who, i suspect, are exposed to western cultures and/ or the christian religion. in christianity, the snake was featured as evil/ satan-manifest and was seen tempting adam to eat the apple, as was the snake/ serpent that was described in quite fearful details in genesis chapter 3, as well as the revelation in the bible. it was perhaps the depiction of the snake in such negative ways that created a less than positive impression of the snake amongst people. whatever the case, i have never liked snakes since young.

for the past, major incidents had happened during snake years. these include the sep 11 terrorist attacks 2001, tiananmen incident 1989, and so on. thus, the forecasts by many fengshui masters for 2013 is not as optimistic. as for me, i couldn't really remember how i felt 12 years ago during 2001, the last year of the snake, but for 2013, i can say i don't feel too excited about it. pictures of snakes still give me the creeps... so... it is with this fear that i cringed when i see lunar new year documentaries showing how people in northern asia flock to keep snakes as pets, make live snake offerings in temples, etc. and i feel somewhat uneasy when i get lunar new year greetings in sms/ whatsapp showing pictures of snakes. eeeeeee... talk about letting snakes into your house! but of cos, like it or hate it, the year of the black water snake is upon us. we have no choice but to embrace it. and since you can't wish it away, might as well make the best of it it (no matter how uneasy you might feel)... so here's wishing one and all a...

happy & ssssexy lunar new year!
* 新年快乐 *

first picture send to me via whatsapp by friends and second picture from http://www.kids-n-fun.com/Wallpaper/Chinese-new-year-widewcreen/6984/Chinese-new-year-widewcreen...

ps: jokingly, i tell people, rather that the picture of the snake tail and the masculine body, i'd rather have the snake (with the head of cos) of the male body... hiak hiak hiak...

pps: i had wanted to put a picture of a black water snake in this post but when i did a google image search and saw the pictures, i really cringed and decided to use a picture of 2 mandarin oranges instead... 

reunion dinner... ssss...

in previous 2 years, mum, bee and i would have our reunion dinner at home. but this year, mum and i had a reunion dinner with my second sis's family on the eve of the eve of the lunar new year, and again on the eve of the lunar new year with my brother's family. at the first glance superficially (especially if you are not chinese), it sound kinda defeating to call it a reunion dinner when there were 2 dinners. and this is not considering the fact that i am not having any reunion dinner myself (which again sounds kinda illogical cos as an unmarried person, who do i have reunion dinners with? haha...). after all, reunion dinners are for family units to come together. it boils down to how we define the family unit.

for the first reunion dinner was my sis's family reunion dinner. the family unit to be referred to was my brother-in-law's family and not ours (my family as defined by my dad's family) per se. we were just joining in the dinner. and although she also invited bee along, i thought it was not a good idea given mum's mental state. nonetheless, it was a good dinner although not all of her family was there. internal inter-sibling squabbles again, my sis lamented. as for me, i took it in stride. we went through the same when we were younger i told my sis. so... we had a little scare during the dinner. mum choked on the prawns. thankfully, she had chewed the prawn sufficiently and it went in after a while. she stopped the dinner while we carried on. but the amount of food was really too much. the food prepared was for 10, but there were only 6-7 of us. so in the end, we had all the remainder packed.

as for the second dinner, it was my brother's family unit. and similarly we just joined in. but of cos, if we were to see it from a chinese male-centric point of view, the reunion dinner at my brother's place could be considered more significant. and as for mum and i, we were to be considered important guests for the dinner. my mum would naturally be seen as an elder (a traditional chinese family is, surprisingly, rather matriarchal in nature in my opinion). and as for me, i would naturally assume the role of my dad following my dad's demise. and while all these were not uttered, the silent respect my brother accord to me during major festivals and prayers such as the lunar new year and the birthday of the celestial gods was obvious. this was kinda interesting cos he has a history of arguing and fighting with me. and during the fights, it could be rather intense and hostile. then again... whatever the case, just enjoy the time as it occurs la, i told myself. when my mum passes on in the near future, nobody will know what will happen. for all you know, we may end up the way like how my eldest sis is treating me now. haha...  let time be the judge. 

but for now, let's just focus on the fact that it is the lunar new year period, and familial ties are looked upon with a little more significance. after all, that is what lunar new new is about these days, getting back of the family unit. it was a good 2 days of reunion dinners. think i need to increase my running and exercising again after all the eating!

:-)

lunar new year ang pows

chinese new year/ lunar new year is round the corner. this is the time of the year where a lot of people ponder whether they qualify to give/ receive ang pows (red packets that contain money) and how much to pack in the ang pows. the following are some guidelines and principles that i see over the years...

"qualification" to give/ receive ang pows

• all married persons are qualified to give ang pows
• for those who have yet to celebrate their first wedding anniversary (are in the first year after their wedding), they also qualify to receive ang pows.
• people who are not married can receive ang pows. but generally speaking, for singles who are older (mid-30s and above), they generally try not to accept the ang pows out of courtesy.
• people who are considered elderly (usually of the previous generation) can receive ang pows as they are recognized as elders. there not strict rules regarding the age of the person per se. but as a guide, it is acceptable to give anyone in their 70s and above as a mark of respect.
• if you are a boss, regardless of whether you are married or not, my personal take is that it is a good practice to give ang pows to your staff. after all, it is a mark of respect for and in recognition of your staffs' contributions and support.

as for the amount to pack, if i may say, there are no standard rates. traditionally, it is not the money that counts, but the thoughts behind it. nonetheless, in today's context, the amount to pack has become a sensitive topic given the so called "face"-value behind it, especially amongst the younger ones (product of a more materialistic environment? haha!). it's an ego thing. also, it would not be so nice if the amount given is below what people give to us/ our children. the general principle is that the closer you are to the person, the bigger (the more money you pack in) the ang pow. and the amount is usually in even numbers with a preference to round off to the nearest 10's or ending with "8". the following are the possible rates that can be used (all figures are in singapore dollar):

family elders/ elderly relatives

• parents/ parents-in-law and elderly relatives - $68, $88, S100 or multiples of hundreds.

children of relatives

• very close relatives - $10, $12, $20
• close relatives - $8, $10
• normal relatives - $4, $8*
• distant relatives - $4*

children of friends/ non-relatives

• very close friends - $10, $12, $20
• close friends - $8, $10
• normal friends - $4 (i hesitate to up this to $8)*
• acquaintances - $4*

friends/ contemporaries

• very close friends - $20, $50 (not necessary to give but if really want to, it is ok)
• normal friends - no requirements

office/ colleagues @ workplace

• money is a sensitive issue at the workplace, so what i have done before is to pool monies from some of my team of senior staff and use this money to purchase lottery tickets and distribute them to my staff in ang pows (big sweep, 4d or toto tickets)
• to do this, you have the option of buying single tickets for each staff; or buy a series of number and share the winnings equally if you win. the pros and cons of the different methods are clear
• all monies packed/ used to buy lottery tickets need to be properly accounted for and audited by a neutral party

again, i reiterate here that there are no standard rates. there are of cos some people who are superbly calculative and work out the potential amount they will get by bringing their children around and balance with the potential amount they will need to give out, but this is really laborious. but well, whatever works for one may not work for others. ultimately, i think the best principle is to pack the ang pows according to your means.

tips on packing ang pows

• make sure the ang pows packed with different denominations are easily recognized. you won't want to give wrong amounts by mistake. you can consider packing different denominations in different types of ang pow packets. while it is ok to give more, it would be really embarrassing if you give a lot less. 
• always be prepared with more ang pows with different denominations when you do your visiting. you don't want to get caught with no ang pows when and if there are additional visitors to your visit locations.
• bring extra cash and empty ang pow jackets to cater to contingencies.
• for some people (especially cantonese), they like to give 2 ang pows together. after all even numbers are considered lucky. but this is not a must.

have a good time preparing for the lunar new year!

* and as mentioned by sam, there is an increasing preference to put $6 instead given that the number "4" sounds inauspicious when pronounced in chinese language/ dialect variants. this is also in view of the smaller sing-dollar and that many people are more willing to increase the amount (perhaps they are better off?) these days.