Grateful: Peace Beneath the Rain

I was doing some work when it started raining outside. Feeling a little melancholic, I decided to get AI to help me write a song about the rain, before using another AI tool to turn the lyrics into an actual song. I asked for a ballad that was easy on the ears, and the outcome was surprisingly good. Now, the song has been playing over and over in my head... 

Here’s the song and its lyrics:

Peace Beneath the Rain

[Verse 1]

Rain taps softly on the window pane 

Washing the dust from a tired day 

I let each drop fall where it may 

And feel the noise inside me fade away 

[Pre-Chorus]

The clouds don't ask me to explain 

They simply loosen every chain 

[Chorus]

Let it rain, let it rain 

Clear the corners of my mind again 

Every drop takes a little weight 

Leaves me breathing at a gentler pace 

When the world feels hard to understand 

I find a little peace beneath the rain 

[Verse 2]

Puddles hold the silver afternoon 

Branches bow beneath the quiet tune 

I walk slowly, giving time its room 

And watch my scattered thoughts return too soon 

[Pre-Chorus]

But even restless thoughts can drift 

When the sky gives what it gives 

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]

I don't need an answer tonight 

Just a window and the softened light 

Let the water carry what I cannot name 

Till I meet myself without the ache 

[Final Chorus]

[Outro]

Let it fall, let it fall 

There is room inside it all

Simply enjoying myself with all these AI tools and am grateful to be reminded again of the convenience it gives me; and for the rain that cooled the weather down somewhat!

Grateful: Exhausted

I slept at 9-ish last night and woke up at 9-ish today. When I woke up, my whole body felt so wasted and my back threatened to give way. I didn’t actually get out of bed until almost noon! 

You see, I woke up at 5 last morning, had a quick breakfast, and then headed to town where I conducted a full day of stand-up training. After training, I headed to my aunt’s place to help with the end-of-7th-month prayers. I couldn’t even kneel properly to plant the joss sticks along the walkway. I was just too tired, and my whole body had stiffened up. The exhaustion really took its toll on me, and by the time I reached home, I literally just collapsed onto my bed after a nice cold shower! 

I’ve never felt so exhausted before. Was it a culmination of physical and mental stress, exacerbated by age? Idk. I just know I was exhausted. And for sure, the heat and humidity totally didn’t help! I slept deeply, and I’m glad I’m all good again after a good, slow day!

Still, I’m grateful for a day well spent: successfully delivering a new and highly challenging module; having an engaging and participative class; the chicken essence with cordyceps and ginseng tea that kept me going through the day; the opportunity to catch up with my elderly aunt and uncle; a nice cold shower; and, finally, a good night’s sleep!

Retirement & I

I read a blog by RB reflecting on his post-working life and it got me thinking of my own journey too. My "retirement" journey, that is. I have placed the word "retirement" in parentheses because I do not define retirement in the "traditional sense" - where one stops working professionally after decades of work. It is too narrowly defined, imo. To me, retirement is a state of mind - a state where one is financially stable and does what is meaningful to him. This definition is independent of work. As such, one can be working (or otherwise) and still be considered retired.

In Sgp, the current retirement age is 64 and this will be increased to 65 by 2030. For me, I told myself that I would want to continue working even after my retirement age. And I would work for the engagement, and not for the salary. This is important to me because, as a single gay person, apart from a couple of close friends, working is an important means to keep engaged with the community and society at large. It keeps one emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. 

This underpinned my decision to become a freelancer, and freelance in roles that are meaningful to me. This made me think deeply about "what is meaningful to me". It made me reflect on my purpose in life. It was a difficult thought process that took me years to crystallise. The latest articulation of it is simply this: to be able to help people and society. With this thought, the choice of what I wanted to do became clearer. I would be a coach, a mentor and a trainer. These are roles where I can help people, share my experiences, and support people as they navigate life, professionally or personally.

I am a realist when it comes to age. Like it or not, the society we live in is an ageist one. And as an HR person, I am very well aware that when people (read: employers) see the "6" in front of your age, whatever value you can contribute to them will take a backseat, and your resume gets put away. So I left my corporate life end-2023, at the age of 57 to prepare myself. To be a coach, trainer and mentor, there were skills, certifications and networks that I needed to establish. And I needed to get all these settled by the time I reached 60. 

I am now 3 months shy of 60. I have obtained the necessary certifications and I have established myself as a qualified trainer, a professional coach and a mentor. The training companies I have signed up with recognise my value and come to me when there are projects. I have the prerogative to accept or decline the projects when they are offered. For coaching, I have been doing it on a pro-bono basis, as and when my base of clients comes to me. Although the frequency is not as high as training, the coaching sessions have been deeply meaningful. The same goes for mentoring.

When I talk about retirement, it goes beyond just work and keeping engaged. There are tangibles, such as finances, housing, and so on that must be considered. I am grateful that the financial audit I did before leaving corporate gave me a clarity of how much I actually need - operational cost, in corporate lingo. This provided me with the basis to accept or reject training opportunities. I just need to train enough to sustain my lifestyle without needing to dip into my savings. It has worked wonderfully well for me thus far. I am, of course, definitely more conscious of my spending these days. But that is a good thing. I am in control of it.

On a broader scale, I have also considered the longer-term financial aspects, such as CPF and housing. After a long thought process, I am ready to liquidate my current apartment and move to public housing. I have already started the application process. The aim is to purchase one at a location of my choice. If the application is successful, the construction will take 3-plus years, and I should be able to move in when I am 63, or latest 64. My CPF LIFE will kick in at 65. With these tangible aspects in place, I am reasonably confident I have put myself in a financially comfortable position for the rest of my life.

What I have captured above are, in many ways, the easier aspects of post-corporate life planning. What is probably the most challenging for me is my sense of self-identity. I have alluded to it when I mentioned "purpose" earlier. For the longest time in my life, my identity had been closely linked to my professional identity. Leaving corporate, having time in my own hands, forced me to revisit my identity and the whole purpose in life.

What am I? Who am I?

Thinking deeply about my purpose also forced me to look at my beliefs and my values. It took me a long while to look inwards and re-examine myself. I am sure my "purpose" will morph as time passes, and with it, my daily habits and lifestyle. But I am not in a rush. After all, time is what I have now. And I give myself permission to take my time as I relearn about myself, to relax, to pursue my hobbies, to work, to go on holidays, or, simply, to do nothing. Importantly, what is most meaningful to me is to be aware, to live in the present moment, to be grateful, to be compassionate to others and to self, and to live life mindfully.

Ultimately, it’s my life and I decide how I live it. I am in control. I define what retirement is and...

I retire on my terms.

Grateful Start of Sep: Consolidation

It’s 1 Sep, and we are already 2/3 done with 2026. Is it time to start reflecting for the year? Heh… perhaps I’ll leave that to Dec lah. For now, let’s just consolidate what has happened over the past couple of weeks and give thanks to the things I should be grateful for. 

To Learn, Teach. 

I have spent a lot, and I mean, a lot, a lot of time researching and preparing for a training that I will be delivering next week and over the next 2 months. I thought it was important for me to really immerse myself in the subject and prepare myself properly, especially since this is a topic that is very much in the limelight currently - Artificial Intelligence. The materials provided totally cmi, especially from the instructional design point of view, and much re-work is needed if we want learners to learn properly - reframing the structure, reinforcing the content, designing the learning process, developing the activities and the demonstrations, and many other things behind the scenes. Of course, I am very much aware there is a political angle to it, given that the programme was developed by someone else who is now, for whatever reason, no longer scheduled to deliver it, at least for the next 3 runs. But I’m going to stay away from the politics and just focus on my preparation and delivery. Whatever happened is for the training company to handle. At the same time, I had to make sure I didn’t fundamentally change the deck that was provided. To me, getting the two-day programme materials in place is the key outcome. I am engaged as a trainer and not a developer, and thus, I should observe my professional boundaries. And after all the efforts and energies invested, I’ve finally done it! But what I am most thankful for is the learning I gained along the way. There is a lot of wisdom in the phrase "to learn a topic well, teach it". The deeper understanding I now have gives me a much stronger foundation for future runs, and perhaps even for other opportunities that may come along.

People - Managing Myself. 

There has been better clarity lately on how I should invest my energies in certain people, particularly in relation to M. I have been sensing subtle but distinct shifts in his attitude towards me over the past 2 months. I have asked if there was anything amiss between us, especially since he has suddenly refused to meet up despite the frequent greetings that he continues to forward. I had initially hinted and, later, asked explicitly about why he’s not keen to meet. His response was simply, “I don’t feel like socialising.” I find that response somewhat difficult to reconcile with the fact he continues to go out with his friends. Then again, perhaps I don’t need to understand or resolve that contradiction. Whatever the reason, his actions (or non-actions) tell me something, and I think it is time for me to calibrate my responses accordingly. As another friend had advised me: "You don't need to own his issues". Thinking about it, I probably should just mirror his energies and responses. Not out of spite, but simply because I need to manage myself. I don’t think I need to keep investing energy where it isn’t being reciprocated. Life is probably too short to spend too much time trying to figure out people. Instead, I’m grateful for the other friends who continue to engage, reach out and make the effort. Friendships, and relationships for that matter, are a two-way thing. It’s hard to have a hand clap singularly. Just not possible. 

Evolving Daily Routine. 

I have been making a deliberate effort to sleep earlier, relative to previous times, and head out for my early morning stretches and walks. And interestingly, my body seems to be adapting to this routine quite well. With this change, I am able to fall asleep relatively easily, and my sleep quality has improved. Let’s see how long I can maintain this routine. I’m not pressuring myself to make sure it keeps going. I’m sure it will change again when new habits are formed, or when life inevitably gets in the way. But for now, I’m deeply grateful for the good rest, the exercise and the benefits they have given me, especially in easing my backaches. And, of course, for the general good health that I continue to enjoy. 

Things have slowly but surely changed over the last couple of weeks. And I’m sure they will continue to do so. Perhaps that’s what I’m most grateful for - not that everything is perfect, but that things seem to be finding their own rhythm. Work, learning, friendships, routines, life in general. It’s been a pretty good year for me so far. And with a few more months left in 2026, I’m quite happy to just keep going, keep learning, keep appreciating what I have, and see what comes next.

Intuition?

Things will smoothen out in the end… I think it’s some kinda intuition, or perhaps I’m just quite used to how things are. You see, I’ve observed that despite my sometimes “nonchalance”, “tidak apa” attitude, everything somehow always falls into place. This has been the case even when I was in corporate, organising major events. 

This time round, I had a new training to conduct in 2 weeks, and there’s much to be done. But looking at the number of learners, I decided to take it slow, despite telling myself there was soooo much to research, prepare and internalise. True enough, I got an email yesterday informing me that the programme was cancelled. I believe it was due to low sales. I’m actually thankful I didn’t overstretch myself too early by researching and preparing extensively, apart from getting AI to help me frame things. 

And today, the company called to check my availability for 2 new runs next month. Such a sudden twist of events. That means I’ve gotten an extra 2–3 weeks to prepare - and this time round, I’m quite sure it will happen. And it’s a happy problem - with these two additional runs, I’ll now be kept busy till the end of the year, with a training run every fortnight. 

Yay… 😄 

So… is it intuition or…?

Refreshing...

I decided to do things differently today.

I dressed up (and this is highly unusual given I am a singlet/ t-shirt casual dresser kinda person), headed to town with my laptop (which is also unusual as my work desk has been set up at home), met up with friends for lunch, and worked in town. I also kept my options open to catch a movie or meet DO for coffee. No fixed plans, really. Just seeing where the day takes me. I just wanted to be spontaneous. Perhaps stay out of the house for the day. And perhaps, along the way, clock my steps.

And right now, I’m at a cafe blogging.

I had initially wanted to do a bit of work at the cafe before meeting my friends for lunch, but the 45 minutes available was too short and probably not gonna be too productive. I also didn’t want to get into something and then have to break my train of thought when it was time to leave. So I thought cleaning up my emails, checking out courses to attend, and blogging would probably be a better and more meaningful use of my time.

It’s still early, and I have the whole day ahead of me.

I think I have organised my life too meticulously over the years, and being spontaneous is quite a recent phenomenon for me. And today, I went a step further. I decided not just to be spontaneous, but to deliberately do things differently.

It feels nice so far.

Nothing particularly exciting has happened today. Yet somehow, the day already feels different. And maybe that is what being “semi-retired” feels like. Do what I want, when I want, how I want... but keep it meaningful, purposeful and easy.

And that feels refreshing.

Post-note: I had a superbly nice lunch, post-lunch dessert, afternoon coffee with DO, watched Spider-Man, a very nice vegetarian dinner and did some window shopping! Such a nice day!

Building an App

It took me quite a while to do what I did today: I built a local app to auto-generate individualised learner assessment reports.

You see, I had been doing this rather manually thus far, and it’s quite a laborious process - downloading the class list from the trainer’s portal, generating individual reports by extracting each learner’s name and identity number, and saving them as individual files for submission. And my learners are organised into different batches. Each programme run can have up to 5 batches, with each batch having a different number of learners. Added to that, different programmes have their own report templates. And because I’m usually not in any rush when I do my training preparations, and given my attention to detail, I had been quite happy to do it manually. I wanted to make sure the font was correct, the font size was right, and the formatting and layout were all consistent. It was tedious, but I was quite happy to live with it. 

But since I will be teaching about using AI to improve work processes, I thought it would be good to have a real example that I could showcase. So I decided to challenge myself to use AI to develop an app to automate my report generation. And it was quite a journey. I spent quite a few hours developing the prompt, ensuring the data source was clean, making sure the data fields in the reports were correct, and ensuring that the format of the reports across all programmes was consistent. I also ran quite a few trials to ensure the data extraction was accurate and that the individualised files were saved according to the required naming protocol. And voilà! I eventually got the app running on my laptop!

What makes me particularly happy is that I now have an example to showcase during my lesson - not just using AI to generate content, but actually using it to solve a real work problem, figuring things out along the way, and eventually getting something that works.

So proud of myself!

Grateful 2 Weeks: Blessed Busyness

It’s been a while since my last entry. I didn’t feel particularly motivated to write and, to a certain extent, felt a little conflicted about blogging given how busy I had been preparing for and delivering a new programme. There were difficult conversations which I dreaded but managed to have, a lot of research, prep and development for the programme, and my bad back hasn’t healed as quickly as I had wanted it to. Still, the past few weeks came and went, and I thought things went rather smoothly and well. So let me reflect a little and capture the areas that I am grateful for, despite the challenges.

• Delivered a New Programme. I finally delivered part of a new programme. The prep work was intense and took a lot of effort and time, despite having materials provided to me. The thing about being me is that I need to internalise the given materials and be able to incorporate my own experiences to make the learning authentic, real and relatable. The fact that this was my first face-to-face class compounded the challenge of delivery. I was glad that my delivery resonated well with the learners, and thankful that all the efforts paid off. The post-training evaluation scores weren’t as good as those from my virtual classes, but they were respectable. Still, the experience gave me good insights into how I can improve myself for future runs. There are so many things that I have learned and, equally, so many things that I am thankful for.

• Difficult Conversations. I personally do not like difficult conversations, especially when they involve people with authority, even if that authority is now in the past. I was faced with one such conversation 2 weeks ago. Without giving too much context given the sensitivity of the issue, the conversation had me walking a tightrope, balancing professional integrity with maintaining a respectful relationship. I used AI to give me different perspectives and alternatives on how I could approach the conversation. I thought the conversation went well and that, in the end, I was able to diplomatically and courteously turn down a request - one that could compromise my professional integrity. More importantly, I learned from the episode. I am thankful for the lessons, for AI, and for the people I spoke with for counsel.

• Bad Back. Amidst the busyness, my back continued to feel tight and unrelenting, especially when I woke up in the morning. I had to consciously make the decision to lie on my bed and be very intentional and deliberate when transferring my body weight and walking. Recovery was slow, but I am certain that I am heading in the right direction. Age is a bitch, isn’t it? It’s interesting how we push ourselves physically when we are younger and then suffer the effects as we age. Still, it is what it is. Positively, this episode reminded me of the importance of slowing down and taking deliberate rests when the occasion calls for it.

• Stress. The preoccupation with the training prep, the difficult conversations and the bad back elevated my stress levels. As a person who tends to overthink, overprepare and overstretch myself, I naturally went into overdrive as I prep for the training - the researching, adding supplementary content and personal examples, changing activities, thinking through the learners’ abilities and learning styles, and so on. All these things just added to my stress. It showed clearly in my BP and PR - they went up a couple of notches. But I wasn’t too worried about it. Thinking back, I think I managed the situation reasonably well: pacing myself, getting sufficient rest, even when an overactive mind refused to allow me to sleep, and trying to boost my energy with ginseng, chicken essence and the likes. I am thankful for all of these. I also see all the effort as an investment, and hopefully it will pay off in the longer run. With each run, I will learn, refine and improve, and hopefully I won’t need to put in quite so much effort the next time around.

• Mentee & Coachee. This period of busyness was peppered with coaching and mentoring sessions. And as of today, I am superbly pleased to learn that one of my coachees has managed to land a role. The news came as a pleasant surprise, especially since I had coached her for close to 2 years and had seen first-hand how much she had struggled professionally. My mentee has also successfully gone for several interviews and is feeling very positive about how things are panning out for him. At our last meet-up, he said something that made me smile: “Whenever I speak with you, I always walk out feeling very positive and very happy. Thank you so much for mentoring me.” I don’t think I need much more validation than that.

• People. Even when I was so absorbed in my training preparation and delivery, I made it a point to meet up with friends - BG, D, PY, JT and others - for walks, meals and drinks. These meet-ups provided me with the social engagement and mental breaks I needed, and I appreciated their company and the time they made for me.

So, yeah. It’s been a superbly crazy few weeks. But the outcomes and validations I received from the people around me - my learners, coachee and mentee - and feeling their happiness and enthusiasm when they updated me reminded me of what I wanted to do in the first place: to help and support the people. And that is what makes all the busyness worthwhile.

I am blessed indeed.

Grateful Week: Feeling Good

Training, coaching and mentoring took centre stage this week. It was tiring, but also deeply fulfilling and meaningful. And I am grateful for the experiences, despite feeling somewhat under the weather at the moment: 

• Training. I conducted training on Mon and Tues. It was, as always, very draining. Despite that, I drew much energy from the very participative learners. As always, there were one or two who chose to tune out, and it was superbly obvious. I simply let them be, but made my displeasure clear to them privately. I took the position that, as adults, they are responsible for their own learning. If they choose not to participate fully, there is only so much I can do to help them. 

• Validation. The 2 days went better than I thought. Despite the challenging topic, everyone gave feedback that they had learnt much and were appreciative of the experience they had. I was pleasantly hesurprised with the near perfect trainer effectiveness score in the evaluation. It was the highest score I have ever received and validated the efforts I put in.

• Coaching. I met up with a coachee yesterday and it turned into a long session! I had not coached for quite a while and I must say that my coaching had become somewhat rusty. Nonetheless, I was glad and grateful to my coachee for the opportunity to practice again. 

• Mentoring. I met up with a new mentee today. I was surprised by how smooth the conversation went. The chemistry was good and he was very enthusiastic about this mentoring. We ended the call after a quick intro and have arranged to meet for a more in-depth session next week. I am very much looking forward to it. 

Over the last 2 years, I have placed much emphasis on giving back to society through training, coaching and mentoring. Last few days have therefore been especially meaningful. I am grateful for them and could not have asked for more.

Grateful Weekend: Life Lived!

It’s only been 3 short days and there’ve been so many happenings! Let’s see: 

• Job Offer. I was offered the job and the contract came within a day of the interview! Reflecting on it, it wasn’t much of an interview per se. Rather, it was more like a conversation and I was very much in control. Glad I prepared myself well for it. Happy with the outcome! And of course, I managed to prepare all the necessary documents for them over the weekend! 

• Hello. I was out for my afternoon coffee when I crossed paths with the closeted bi guy again. This time round, he actually looked at me, smiled and nodded his head. I guess it was because his wife and son weren’t with him. Anyway, I nodded back. 

• Ouch. I went on the Bukit Timah–MacRitchie hike today. Along the way, I walked past a group of youngsters - probably in their early 20s. As I passed them, one of them said: “Look at old people, they walk like it’s so easy. But look at us youngsters, like wanna die already…” Such an 一针见血 (literally “one needle and you see blood”) kind of sentence - sayang and kill at the same time… 

• 40k. I’ll be conducting a course over the next 2 days. Gonna be busy and probably won’t be able to hit my daily walking targets. So I increased my walking distance today instead. I should end the day with about 40k steps or around 26 km. I bet I’ll sleep well tonight! 

• Fat. I tried the KFC National Day special - prata, curry, sambal and chicken. It was actually quite good. Will probably try the McDonald’s Curry Burger in the coming week. It’s nice that these fast-food joints come up with local flavours for National Day. The downside for me? I get fat!

• Spontaneous. It’s nice being spontaneous these past couple of days. I wanted to get out of the house and, without any agenda in mind, decided to just take whichever bus that arrived at the bus stop first. So I ended up spending some good time at Jewel at the airport. Lovely to just people-watch and enjoy the surroundings! 

• Public Person. Was at Jewel and saw a political office holder. He looked at me like as though he know me. I just look straight through him and walked on. Never liked to look at public figures like as though they are some weird creatures, much less call out to them. I’m sure they’d like that too.

So yeah, quite a lot has happened in just 3 days. Quite a bit of life lived too - work, admin, training preparation, walks, hikes, meeting friends, and much more. Grateful for everything that unfolded.

Random rants 1 - Colours

Here’re some random stuff, nothing significant, just quick thoughts and occurrences that colour my life:

• One Million. My blog views crossed 1 million last week! Woh! didn't even think this could happen. Anyway, yeah... it did.

• Elderly Auntie. I was doing my exercise topless by the park connector recently. The connector was a shortcut from the bus stop to a housing estate. In the distance, an elderly lady walked towards me. She probably wanted to take a short cut home. She was about 80m away from me when she saw me. Then she stopped, turned around and started running. She turned her head several times and looked in my direction as she ran. I wondered why.

• Merlion-ing. I was in the MRT when people seated around me started vacating their seats and ran (literally - ran) to the next carriage. I noticed a long-haired girl seated two seats away, slumped forward, hair falling and almost touching the floor. The next thing I knew, her wallet and phone dropped. She had some difficulty picking them up and gave up after a few feeble attempts. I slid towards her, picked them up and placed them by her side, then went back to my seat. The next thing I knew, she vomited violently onto the floor (merlioned, as we Singaporeans call it)... ewww. I alighted at the next stop, which was my intended stop, and reported it to the station master. The girl needed help. The train needed cleaning.

• Be Helpful. I told a peer trainer: don't chase for training runs and don't worry about things you cannot control. Instead, be helpful and stay relevant, and most importantly, focus on your delivery when assigned. The opportunities will come. That's how I contributed to the trainer team. My coordinator appreciated my contributions and my learners benefitted. And the opportunities came - not just from the coordinator, but also from fellow trainers who needed help covering for them when they couldn't make it.

• Identity. It's been three years since I left corporate. A new phase in life after 4 decades of working. I realised that my identity had been so tightly intertwined with my working life that it has taken me a lot of effort and time to rewire my identity into that of a freelancer and semi-retired person. It's been an interesting journey - redefining myself, changing the mindset, reframing my thought processes, adjusting to new routines, expectations and lifestyles. But what has kept me going is the constant reminder to focus on what's meaningful to me as a person. In other words, what is my identity as a person, and not as a professional.

• Retirement. A constant thing that people say to me is, "When I retire..." And my question to them is: how do you define "retire"? To me, retirement is not about "stopping work". It is a state of mind. And if I continue working, I work because I want to, not because I need to. Financial freedom. Engagement. Meaning in life. Purpose. And from this perspective, I can still be working, yet retired.

Ok, enough for now. Just some quick rants as I eat my breakfast.

Grateful 1WJul26: Life

It’s been a week since I last wrote a reflection, and quite a lot happened over the past week. Here’s a quick rundown of how my week went and the things that I am thankful for.

• People. I met up with many people - family, friends and coachees - who wanted to catch up, have a meal, and simply celebrate this new chapter with me. It’s been a while since I had so many meals out with company. Food definitely tastes better when eaten with company. And I gained quite a bit of weight! It was really nice to reconnect, even if it was just over a meal. I am thankful for the people who reached out and who care. 

• Well-being. I explored new routes for my walks and intensified my step count to an average of about 15k - 25k steps a day. It’s tiring but, at the same time, nice to experience different routes. Admittedly, on some days I felt unmotivated and tired, but I’m glad I pushed myself a little and went for the walk. It has definitely contributed to my physical and mental well-being. 

• Mindfulness. I had an interesting exchange with a peer trainer who consistently complained - from the sale of courses, to trainer scheduling, to the quality of learners and so on. It’s tough to listen to constant complaints, but in a way, it reminded me of the importance of focusing on what I can control and not sweating over what I can’t. That perspective helped me maintain my focus and peace of mind, and I truly appreciate the opportunity to cultivate greater mindfulness. 

• Feedback. I managed to deliver the new module, and the feedback was quite positive. There were, of course, one or two learners who were a little more critical but, objectively, their feedback allowed me to reflect on how I can improve future runs. I’m grateful for the pointers they raised. 

• New Module. I have also been engaged to run another new module and have started researching the topic. While it is stressful preparing for a new delivery, I see it as an opportunity to deepen my knowledge and stay relevant as a trainer. Such an opportunity is hard to come by! I am blessed!

• Opportunity. A peer trainer asked me to share my résumé, and she forwarded it to a training company for their consideration. I was surprised that within a few hours, I was invited for an interview. The interview is this week, and I have to prepare a topic for the session. Let’s see how it goes. I’m grateful to my peer trainer for recommending me and connecting me with the academy.

• Rest. I have been sleeping relatively well over the past couple of days. This has been a welcome change compared to the previous few weeks when I had insomnia, possibly due to the stress of preparing for my training delivery. During that period, I noticed my blood pressure and heart rate had increased. I’m glad they have since returned to the normal range. 

On the whole, I think the past week was simply me living my life. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened. It was very routine, yet meaningful and intentional. And when I paused to reflect, I realised there was much to be thankful for.

Reflections: 1H2026

I want to use this post to reflect on the first half of 2026.

It was, by and large, a continuation of what had taken shape by the end of 2025. As a whole, there is no strong sense of disruption or change in direction. Life has continued in a steady rhythm - shaped by people, routines, and moments that often appear ordinary on the surface. Truth be told, the intentions set at the beginning of the year were not new beginnings, but a clearer expression of how life was already unfolding. It also sits within a broader transition that started in Dec 2023, where my work and way of living have gradually shifted away from a traditional corporate structure into a more flexible and independent rhythm. Over time, this has felt less like a defined decision and more like a slow reorientation - towards a way of working and contributing that feels more aligned with helping people in a steady and meaningful way. And on this note, let me use the key focus I set out at the start of 2026 to frame this post:

Remain Grounded in Gratitude

Gratitude is most visible through daily reflections and writing. It is also expressed through actions, particularly in how I support people who matter to me and how I commemorate major festivals such as CNY and the Dragon Boat Festival. CNY reunion dinners remained important anchor points - sitting together with friends and family across generations, with conversations moving between updates, familiar topics/ complains/ bitching, and stories that resurface year after year. During Duanwu Jie, making nonya chang was not just a way to remember my mother or honour family traditions, but also a way of sharing something meaningful with people who matter to me. Beyond these, there have been frequent meals with aunts, cousins, extended relatives, and friends. These moments are often simple and unplanned, but carry a similar sense of continuity. Gratitude, in that sense, feels less like a practice and more like a way of noticing and appreciating the people and experiences that quietly shape everyday life. 

Live with Purpose and Compassion

Purpose continues to show up in everyday interactions with people. Much of this happens through conversations with friends, colleagues, and people within my wider circle, where the focus is less on outcomes and more on being present with what they are experiencing. Compassion often takes the form of small and ordinary acts such as helping a crow that had fallen onto the middle of the road, or supporting friends going through difficult periods or health challenges. One moment that stays with me was giving my friend, T, a haircut during his illness. What seemed like a simple gesture became one of his happiest moments in the weeks before he passed away. These experiences serve as reminders that purpose is not always found in grand plans or achievements. Sometimes, it is simply about showing up, paying attention, and walking alongside someone for a while. 

Embrace Vulnerability and Courage

Vulnerability this year has been less about expression and more about staying with what is not immediately resolved. The challenges that began in the second half of last year gradually eased towards the end of June. Despite the difficult moments, I chose to embrace the experience and look for what it could teach me - new perspectives, deeper self-awareness, and, perhaps unexpectedly, new friendships. Within family interactions, friendships, and personal reflection, there are moments where clarity does not come quickly, and I am learning to remain in that space without rushing to close it. This includes recognising that not every relationship evolves in the same direction. There are long-standing friendships that have been important parts of my life, yet differences in values, priorities, and perspectives can gradually create distance. Accepting this has not been easy, but holding on out of sentimentality may create more harm in the long run. Courage, in this context, sometimes means allowing certain relationships to loosen naturally while holding gratitude for what they once meant. Letting go does not diminish their significance; it acknowledges that people grow and change in different ways and at different paces. At the same time, there is a gentle sense that life feels a little more open in how it is experienced. Nothing marked or symbolic, but a subtle easing in how space and time are held, allowing days to unfold with slightly more flexibility.

Nurture Relationships That Matter

Relationships continue to form a steady rhythm across different parts of life - family gatherings, meals with relatives, catch-ups with friends, and ongoing interactions with people who move in and out of my life. What stands out is not intensity, but regular return - the quiet consistency of checking in and showing up over time. Alongside long-standing friendships and family ties, this year has also brought new connections. Some of these friendships have grown naturally through shared experiences and conversations, bringing fresh perspectives and unexpected support. Together, both old and new relationships create a sense of continuity and connection that enriches daily life. 

Deepen Spiritual Practice

My Buddhist practice continues through meditation, classes, and reflection, and remains an important grounding thread in how I experience life. This year’s Vesak Day offered a particularly meaningful opportunity to reflect on impermanence and non-attachment. These teachings, while familiar through practice, felt more immediate in the context of recent experiences, including the passing of my aunt earlier this year and the loss of T. Rather than changing the direction of life, these moments gently reinforced the importance of holding people and experiences with appreciation, without needing to hold on too tightly. Over time, this practice feels less like something separate from life, and more like a way of seeing that continues to shape how I relate to change, relationships, and presence.

Care for My Health and Well-being

Health and well-being have remained less about pursuing specific goals and more about maintaining a sustainable rhythm of life. There have been periods of intense work, balanced by quieter days of rest, walks, family meals, and time simply to recharge. I have also become more aware of listening to my body and recognising when to slow down. Whether it was recovering after demanding training days, making space for solitude, or enjoying simple moments in nature, these have become reminders that well-being is not something to achieve, but something to nurture. I am grateful that this balance has allowed me to remain present for the people around me while continuing to find joy in the ordinary moments of everyday life.

Looking across the last 6 months, what stands out is continuity rather than change - a steady living out of intentions already set in motion. As I move into the second half of 2026, the focus remains on living with greater presence and openness, allowing life to unfold with a little more ease, space, and gratitude.

Grateful 23 Jun: Sense of Achievement

It was an intense two days focused on content review and delivery. It was a new subject for me, and one that I had spent weeks researching and preparing for. Today, I had a very challenging class where the experience levels and learning energies of the learners varied widely. But I ended the day on a high note, or at least that's what I thought. 

I am feeling exhausted and a little under the weather at the moment, and I half suspect it is the result of stress and lack of sleep. So, let me simply give thanks for a diverse profile of learners who challenged me and stretched my abilities as a facilitator; for my familiarity with the content, which allowed me to respond spontaneously to many questions from different perspectives; and for the successful completion of today's delivery, which kept very well to the planned schedule. 

I am glad the time and preparation paid off today. The learners have dispersed for their self-paced assignments before re-convening for the second day of the module next week. Let's hope things go smoothly until then.

Grateful 21 Jun: Productive Day

This morning, I went to the airport for my walk, while also spending some time people-watching and simply enjoying the air-conditioning. It was a refreshing change of environment and a welcome escape from the blazing sun. 

As for my training preparation, despite having gone through the content many times, I am still not fully convinced that I can deliver it confidently and convincingly. In other words, I have yet to fully internalise the material. I spent much of today revisiting the lesson structure and eventually decided to reframe the flow. Doing so allowed me to reorganise some of the slides, making the content easier to understand, especially for non-practitioners. I think I am more or less there now and should be able to complete the deck tomorrow. 

On this note, I am grateful for AI, which helped me review the content and create infographics that explain the framework and concepts more clearly. I am also thankful that I made the decision to reframe the entire lesson. It allowed me to see the material from a fresh perspective and put together a revised deck using the existing content, which I am not permitted to change, while significantly improving the flow. 

I am quietly confident that I will be able to complete the full deck tomorrow. I decided to indulge in some durian for dinner- a real treat. It was a simple day, and I am grateful for the way it unfolded.

Grateful 17 Jun: Quiet Confidence

Today was a simple yet productive day. I finally sat down properly to review and prepare for my upcoming training sessions. I expect to be quite occupied with training-related matters over the next few weeks, and today was a good start. On this note, let me give thanks for: 

• Clearing the Immediate Issue. I decided to be proactive and followed up with the company again to confirm next week's training and request the relevant details, including the content outline, learners' list, and training report templates. Thankfully, they responded and indicated that they would send me the information by tonight. I am glad I took the initiative to make this push. Hopefully, I will receive the details soon so that I can begin my preparations in earnest. 

• Preparing for New Challenge.  I have agreed to deliver a new module on AI at the end of August, although I am not yet fully confident with the content. Rather than waiting idly for confirmation of next week's training, I started reviewing the materials for the upcoming module. I am grateful to my new training lead for providing the content. Going through it helped me better understand the scope of the programme and gave me a clearer sense of the level of preparation required. Once next week's training is over, I will conduct a more thorough content review, carry out further research, and develop the learning activities. 

• Presence of Mind. Reflecting on my journey since I started training last year, I realise that I now have a much better sense of what is required and how much effort I need to invest in preparing for each programme. This growing experience has given me greater clarity, allowing me to prioritise my time and energy more intentionally. I am beginning to trust my own process. I have learned when to push for information, how deeply to prepare, and where to focus my energy. I am quietly confident that things will pan out well. More importantly, I am grateful for the presence of mind to invest my energy where it is needed, giving myself ample time to prepare and deliver my best. 

Alongside training preparations, I managed to head out for my kopi-o kosong, cooked my lunch, and achieve my daily walk targets. It was indeed a simple, focused and productive day, and I am grateful for how it panned out.

Grateful 14 - 16 Jun: Work Opportunities

My mind had been preoccupied with work-related issues over the last few days, but I chose to prioritise my time on cooking, meeting friends, attending Buddhist classes, and taking care of myself. Despite this, work-related concerns continued to linger at the back of my mind. By today, however, I felt much more settled. So today, let me give thanks for: 

• New Module to Teach. Last week, my new training lead asked if I could conduct a new module at the end of next month. It came out of the blue and took me by surprise. Truth be told, the trainers who have conducted this module so far are very senior, and the topic - which is related to emerging technologies - is one that I am not very confident in. I asked for some time to review the material, but after an initial glance, I sat on it. I did not respond because I was unfamiliar with much of the topic. Today, I decided to take the plunge and told my lead that I would do it. I need to challenge myself, and I have committed to spending the next month learning more about the subject. I told myself that equipping myself with new knowledge, particularly in emerging technologies, would help me remain relevant as a trainer and a professional. I am grateful for the opportunity. 

• Next Weeks' Training.  I have a training session to deliver next Tuesday. This particular module is new to me, and I had prepared to deliver it in February, only to be told 2 days before the training that there were some admin issues behind the scenes, and that I could not proceed and that a peer trainer would have to take over. It seems like the same thing may be happening again this time because, to date, I have yet to receive any details from the company. It is frustrating. Today, I decided that I would proceed with my preparation regardless. All things being equal, I will take this as an opportunity to refresh my knowledge of the content. With this adjustment in my mindset, my mood lifted. I am grateful for this shift in my thought process. 

• New Opportunity. Yesterday, I attended a meeting with an education provider. Following a recommendation from a peer trainer, I had written to them to offer to stand in for her and teach an advanced diploma module in August while she is travelling. I sent the company my credentials and was invited for a chat. During our conversation, I was informed that they had already assigned another trainer for the module. However, they invited me to explore potential opportunities to work together in the future. Admittedly, I was a little disappointed at first. However, learning that they saw potential opportunities for future collaboration came as a pleasant surprise. It was truly a blessing in disguise. I am grateful to my peer trainer for her recommendation and to the academy for considering me for future opportunities. 

Prioritising non-work activities over the last 3 days - attending Buddhist classes, meeting friends, and cooking, daily walks - made the days pass quickly. While these activities did not resolve the work-related issues, I am glad that I was able to manage my thoughts and ease much of the mental tension by today. For that, I am truly thankful.

Grateful 8 & 9 Jun: Calmer

Of late, I had felt troubled over some issues, and this was made worse by the Vesak event on Sunday. I was also frustrated by the lack of confirmation for my training, especially since it is only 2 weeks away. Over the last 2 days, I had largely spent time with friends and simply taken things easy through window shopping and going for my walks. As these 2 days come to an end, I find myself feeling much calmer. So, on this note, let me give thanks for: 

• Confirmation of Training. On Sunday night, I decided to send an email to the training company. It was probably the third time I had followed up with them. It was unusual for them not to confirm the engagement so close to the training dates. On my part, I needed time to prepare. And this uncertainty created quite a bit of discomfort for me. I definitely did not want to invest significant time and energy in preparation if I was not eventually scheduled to deliver the programme. This morning, I finally received their confirmation. Although some admin details are still pending, the confirmation at least allows me to begin reviewing my content. I am thankful because it allows me to focus my energy purposefully on the preparation. It also means that I will have some training income next month. 

• Catching Up. I chose not to spend too much time worrying about the training and instead invested my energy in getting out of the house and spending time with friends. After trying to review the content yesterday morning, I decided to stop as it would have been a waste of time if the training was not confirmed. So, I met D for a late lunch yesterday. It was a nice meet up indeed. And last night, PY asked to meet for breakfast today, and I readily agreed. There is no point getting flustered by the lack of confirmation. The energy is better invested meeting up with friends. It was not the food itself that mattered, but the connection. Moments like these are meaningful as time spent with friends is time well spent. I am grateful to both D and PY for making the time to meet up. 

• A Calmer Mind. My mind had been somewhat unsettled lately. I suspect some relationship-related issues that had been weighing on me found their way into my dream. So, I am grateful that I have felt more composed over the past 2 days. Part of this came from making a deliberate decision to set these thoughts aside and not dwell on them excessively. It is not easy, but I am trying and will continue to try. Perhaps this is my way of practising what I wanted to focus on this year: embracing vulnerability with courage while extending some self-compassion to myself. I am grateful for this awareness. 

These 2 days passed by quickly. I feel much calmer now, thanks to friends, a little window shopping, and the confirmation of the training. The uncertainty has lifted somewhat, and I can move forward with greater clarity about how I can plan the days ahead.

Grateful 6 Jun: A Well Spent Day

I felt a little feverish and had a runny nose last night, so I decided to turn in early after taking some antihistamines and Panadol. I woke up feeling sufficiently refreshed, and the day unfolded at a comfortable pace: heading out for a nice morning walk, working on my trainer profile, fulfilling my craving for cai tau kway (fried carrot cake), and a pleasant evening walk. On this note, let me give thanks for: 

• Help with Trainer Profile. A fellow trainer recently asked whether I would be interested in delivering a module for an Advanced Diploma programme at an academy. I am grateful for the opportunity, and today I finally got down to developing my trainer profile for the application. Beyond the task itself, it felt affirming to be considered for this role as I continue to grow in my work as a trainer and coach. I will let the profile sit for a couple more days before reviewing it again and submitting it, and I am grateful to my friends and, of course, Gen AI, for helping me refine it. 

• Indulgences & Company. Lately, I have been craving cai tau kway, and I persuaded D to join me for it this afternoon. It was exactly what I had been looking forward to - black, nicely charred, and thoroughly satisfying. While we were at it, we also shared a plate of rojak. It was a simple but very enjoyable treat. To top it off, since we had been talking about durians recently, we ended the afternoon with a box of Mao Shan Wang. Lol... I am grateful for these little indulgences and for D’s company. 

• An Intentional Day. I started the day with clear intentions: to work on my trainer profile, fulfil my craving and complete my step count. I am glad I managed to do all of these and more. In anticipation of my indulgence, I kept lunch light with 3 hard-boiled eggs. While I did not strictly track calories, I was mindful enough to enjoy the day without going too far off my usual balance, while still meeting my exercise needs. For this awareness and self-discipline, I am grateful. 

Overall, I thought the day was well spent. It has been a while since I enjoyed such rich food, and I end the day feeling happy and content.

Grateful 3 & 4 Jun: Anchor

I have often gravitate towards significant events, meaningful encounters, or important lessons in my gratitude journals and have not paid enough attention to the simple things that quietly support my day-to-day life. So, in this post, let me give thanks for: 

• Sunshine. It's been bright and sunny these past 2 days. Rather than complaining about the heat, let me give thanks for the sunshine that brightens my day and allows me to go about my daily routines, whether it is heading to the coffee shop for my kopi-o kosong, doing my exercises around the estate, or simply enjoying a walk outdoors. It is such a simple thing, yet it brings a sense of ease and freedom that I often take for granted.

• Friends. These past 2 days, many people have checked in on me, and this evening, I met my ex-colleague turned friend D for dinner. So let me give thanks for them. These seemingly small gestures keep me connected and remind me that, even though I enjoy solitude, I am not alone. They reassure me that there are people who think of me, care about me, and remain part of my life. 

• Home. My home provides me with a comfortable space to rest, escape from the heat, work, and simply be myself. It is more than just a place to live. Reflecting on the past 3 decades, it has been the backdrop to countless moments shared with my parents, past partners, and my dog. It is also a place where my siblings and their families, relatives, friends, and colleagues have gathered. In many ways, it quietly holds the story of my life. 

So yes, these are things that feature so naturally in my daily life that I rarely stop to notice them. Yet they form the foundation upon which so much else rests. And I am deeply grateful to these people and things that is such an integral part of my life.