more serious, this time

mum has been in hospital since last friday. this time round, her condition was a little worse. here's the run down of events that happened on friday...

woke up as usual and had taken leave to collect her mental institute medication for her but the plan was almost changed when she told me she wanted to head to the hospital. it was not normal for she really dislike going to the hospital. but for that morning, she insisted on it as she was worried about her swollen legs. she said couldn't walk when she woke up that morning. her request caught me off guard but after some thoughts, i thought it would be a good idea to do as she wished. i decided to proceed to collect her medications first and asked her to wait for me at home. 

when i came home and wanted to bring her to the hospital, interestingly, she said she didn't want to bring her stuff (handbag, bracelet, watch, etc) as she said she'll not be coming home anymore. it was rather heart-wrenching to hear her say this. did she know something i didn't? did that input mean she's leaving us and she knew about it coming? i have always known of elderly asking for/ doing weird stuff like what mum did before they passed on. anyway, i simply told her gently to bring them along and after some coaxing, she relented and brought everything along to the hospital.

at the a&e, i waited for almost 3hrs and had to ask for an update before i could see her. it was weird and unusual cos usually, the doctors would update me within half an hour. but this time round, when i finally got to see her, the doctor looked rather serious and almost immediately asked how invasive a treatment would we want them to pursue if her lungs were to collapse. accordingly, her condition was very much worst compared to last month when she was warded for similar issue. usually, her wheezing would stop after 2-3 nebulizers but this time round, they'd given her 4 within a short span of 2 hours and she's still panting badly. she looked totally wasted when i saw her.

after some discussion with her, she decided not to opt for intubation. despite telling the doctors of our decision, they suggested to hold the decision until we hear out the respiratory consultants. the thought of her wasting away and choking to death made me tear. i couldn't let her see me like that and much as i tried to talk to her, i couldn't and i had to eventually excuse myself. the icu doctor came out to meet me and explained the whole procedure to me, she explained that if we opt for intubation, their procedure if her lungs were to collapse would be to insert a tube into her lungs. this would assist her breathing. she would be placed in the icu for this and given her weak kidneys and heart, the risk of kidney and heart failure is considerably higher compared to a normal healthy person. the doctor explained that the possibility of her going into long term life support.

the last time i was asked this question, my mum, my bro and i decided against intubation. this time round, i went further, i smsed my sisters and told them about it - not that they would make any difference but rather, i wanted to prepare them mentally in the eventuality that mum dies. something in me told me that it was time to do so. and as expected, i didn't get any response other than from my second sis who told me she's tied down with work and couldn't visit. i wasn't too pleased with her response but thought it's for her to manage. i had done my part and if mum where to go, she'll have to manage her own guilt of prioritizing her work over mum. as for my brother, he simply said he didn't trust doctors and that if mum had decided against intubation, we'll just have to let god decide for her.

and that was it. mum was eventually placed in a normal ward and given the usual "normal" oxygen, regular nebuliser, and treated with antibiotics. hopefully, she will respond well to the treatment,   her lung infection clears and that she can be weened off the oxygen. otherwise... hmmm... i really don't know of otherwise what...

let's just hope for the best.

another job opportunity

another headhunter called my up yesterday.

there's another job opportunity. this one is very interesting, although the position is a level lower than what i am holding now. but it is for a sports company that is a us mnc. the headhunter told me its a new regional role and that the candidate will be reporting to a lead in the us. there will also be a need to do a little travel. so, for now, she (the headhunter) asked if i am keen and that if i am, i should send her my resume. so.... 

yeah, just do it!

;-)

he's ok

recently i blogged about a missing friend.

well, he contacted me again after sometime. i am glad he is alive. thank goodness someone saved him and send him to the hospital. otherwise, he would have left this world by now. i can empathise with what he had gone through and i had gone there before. but really, it is not worth it. we are all responsible for our own actions and no matter what, we cannot and should not consider taking our own life.

then again, when the mind is depressed anything is possible.

just glad he ok now and moving on well.

frozen

i organised a training session last week for my company and i joined in as a trainee myself.

the training was conducted by the mental institute and covered topics related to care support for people who are involved in major incidents. during the training sessions, we were organised into 2 groups - caregivers and traumatised next-of-kins of victims. and for one particular scenario, i played the role of an aggressive and upset next-of-kin. and as i acted, my colleague who played the role of the caregiver (who was supposed to manage me) simply froze and didn't know how to react...

poor guy ended up being traumatised himself.

lol...

zn is 5!

my niece celebrated her fifth birthday yesterday!

was a good celebrations. good dinner, nice cake and of course, noisy kids.

:-)

job opportunity revival

remember the interview that i recently went (last month) and that in the end, i was told the position was put on hold? 

well, the headhunter called me up early this week and told me that the hiring manager will be making her decision by next week and that i am still one of her front runner...

hmmm...

painful shoulders

my bad shoulder had plateau off. nowadays, there was a constant pain (on a scale of 10, i give a 5-6 to the intensity of the constant pain). and interestingly, the pain gets worst at night. so much so that i hardly had a good night's sleep these days. i had resorted to taking sleeping pills last couple of days but it was of limited use cos i would still wake up middle of the night as i grimace in pain. 

sighs...

happy with election results?

couple of days ago, a friend asked me whether i was happy with the election results. i said it didn't matter to me. life goes on. happiness or sadness about election results is empty ultimately. whether the pap or the opposition win, there will be positive outcomes as well as negative outcomes. what's important is that i still have a choice to decide how i want to live my life. let's not let political wins or loses decide my mood and how i view things in life, or worst, how i view people around me (who may be of the same/ different political affiliation as me).

such are the effects of attachments to affiliations cos i do notice some of my friends were superbly upset about the pap winning and behaved very badly for quite a while. and interestingly, several of them were buddhists. and i thought, oh dear, their whole practise and efforts to cultivate peace of mind and non-attachment had all been forgotten when it came to politics cos they were so attached to their views of the political parties.

well, i supposed we are all human after all.

high tea

bee and i went for a high tea buffet last saturday.

and at the high tea buffet, i felt rather embarrassed and disgusted to see people not just piling their plates with sashimi, prawns, etc etc etc but also stack their table with plates and plates of food! and the way they arrange the food on the table, i thought it was very appropriate for the fact that that day was the last day of the hungry ghost festival!

the disgusting side of singaporeans!

elections

the elections was held on the 11 sep. yup, coincided with the 9/11 anniversary.

and this time round, i deactivated my facebook account (think i had blogged about this), and so, compared to the last election, i had it relatively easy. no tensions per se. i went and voted with a clear mind. and walked out within a few minutes. very efficient indeed.

and of course, as in all major events, mum went haywire. on polling day morning, she sat by the tv and a cooking show was running, and she asked me how come people are cooking when they were voting... erm... haha... she was totally confused. then we went to the market for breakfast and i asked what she wanted to have for breakfast. but to register what i wanted to ask, i had to ask if she would like to "vote for" lontong or kway chup (both of which were her usual breakfast food). she happily said she wanted to "vote for" kway chup. but of cos, it so happened that that was a friday and there was no kway chup, and she had to "vote for" lontong in the end.

but once we arrived at the polling station, she became very normal and actually went through the voting very seriously. she told me after she casted her vote that there's only pap (people's action party) and hammer (worker's party). 

hmmm...

too long...

been away for too long. 

since i last wrote, the general elections came and went, lots of things happened at work, the seventh month ended, the mooncake month started, celebrations, death, etc hmmm...

so....

it's gonna be blog diarrhoea again!

:-)

inside out

one of the best show this year. very mature, very entertaining, very touching, very refreshing, brings a lump to your throat, etc... you get it. joy and sadness, inseparable. different sides of the same coin... coming of age show. imo, best show from pixar so far!

what more can i say.

:-)