month of medical tests

thinking back, i can say this month was really a month of medical tests... i cleared my hiv test, std test, and now my cancer test. so... i supposed it is a good closure to the month, knowing that i am a-ok. 

completed colonoscopy

finally completed the procedure. wasn't as bad as i had thought. and it was because i was totally unconscious throughout the procedure (and i thought i was supposed to be only sedated!).

well, i walked into the clinic, registered, changed into my hospital gown, ushered in in no time where the nurse explained the full procedure to me (again), and inserted a plug onto the back of my hand. waited for a while and my number flashed for me to enter one of the suite. once inside, i was greeted by a team of nurses and made to lie onto the bed. a nurse came to me, turned me to my side, exposed my butt and applied some lubricant. the doctor came to me, chatted for a while and told me it'll be a relatively straight forward procedure. and she told me i should take another day to rest. one day is not enough, she said, she'll cover me for 2 days and leave it to my discretion if i should take tomorrow to rest. 

after that, one of the nurse came, injected two syringes of sedatives into the plug and i slipped into unconsciousness almost immediately. next thing i knew, i was woken up by a nurse and i was asked if i wanted some beverage and biscuits. well, all done in less than half an hour. but i slept for almost an hour plus, drink some beverages, and slept for another hour plus before i was allowed to change up and get ready for discharge.

was called to a debrief room where a senior nurse explained the findings to me. showed my the photographs of the interior of my large intestines (up to the ilium or "end of the small intestines"). no polyps or any sorts but there were signs on inner haemorrhoids. so, nothing to worry about. for the haemorrhoids, if i show any signs of blood in the stools, i should get to the hospital to get it removed. otherwise, i should take more high fibre diet and it should be fine. 

:-)

ps: the estimated cost for the whole procedure after all the government subsidies, medishield plus, medisave, etc. is about s$40 cash upfront (the actual cost without the subsidies and government medishield etc is about s$2000-plus).

colonoscopy prep 2

and here i am, sitting on my throne since 7-ish this morning doing my work and clearing my guts off at the same time. the laxative tasted ok, not as bad as i had expected it to be. needed to drink a cup (250ml) per 15min and a total of 8 cups (2 litres in total) over a 2-hour period. and it's been almost 3hrs since i started and i am now passing clear liquid non-stop! i supposed my fluid diet yesterday helped a lot.

and as the time for the procedure closes in, on thought came to my mind - whether my pubes are well-trimmed before i head to the hospital. hahaha... i supposed only a gay person will think of such thoughts before the colonoscopy procedure! totally roll eyes...

:-P

ps: the hospital doctor called and asked me to report at 1.30pm instead of 3.50pm (as earlier scheduled). this way, the procedure could begin at about 2pm, she said (it's a she again!)...

colonoscopy prep 1

have been on fiber-free diet for 3 days in preparation of the procedure tomorrow. and today, its just pure liquid diet, and i'm feeling hungry... arghhh... will need to take laxative tomorrow and from what i read from the net, it looks like i'll be in for a jolly good time just sitting on my toilet bowl...

needed to admit by 3.50pm for the procedure. totally not looking forward to the laxative...

lol!

ps: and i am really wondering how the hell i can go collect my car from the servicing center if i have to stay in the toilet... still no solution in sight. sighs...

sending car for servicing

decided to send in my car for servicing yesterday. had been long overdue and have procrastinated on it. there was a loud clapping sound whenever i drive and the sound had been getting louder over the last 2 months or so. i vaguely recalled the service center agent telling me something about the engine that needed to be fixed the last time i serviced my car 6 months back. and so with the assumption that the sounds was due to the engine, i had expected the cost of servicing to be very high this time round. 

made a booking early this week and been told to send in at 9am on saturday. and after describing the issue to the agent, i was told it would take a while for them to trouble shoot and to repair the car. i was also advised that the earliest i would be able to get the car would be monday. that was kinda tricky as i would be on colonoscopy prep on monday... but decided to tell them to go ahead nonetheless. i got a call from the service center agent later in the day telling me that the engine was ok (whew!) but the ball bearings of the two front wheels needed to be changed. it was a huge relief for me as i had expected worst.

:-)

completing an event

my team and i had just completed an event and i was so totally exhausted. it didn't help that i came down with a bad flu too. managed to get an mc on friday and had been sleeping like a log for the past 2 days. it was indeed a much needed rest considering the amount of work that i had to do and the whole build up of the stress over the last couple of weeks.

but yeah, the whole team felt good about completing the event. 

:-)

intense & erotic dream

i had a really intense and erotic dream last night. it was a dream and involved me and an old friend - someone that i had not contacted for a long while. really didn't know why he came to the dream.

it was a dream where i couldn't remember where or how it started but in one particular scene, i found myself at a place that was really run down, and the floor was full of mud/ clay. on the floor was my friend, sleeping on a mat. he was in deep sleep and didn't know i was there. i laid down beside him and gazed at him as he slept. he looked so sweet and peaceful. i noted he had a hard on and i inserted my hands into his shorts. my action startled him from his sleep and he woke up. he initially resisted but i pressed him down gently as i continued fondling him. ok, shan't go into details. it'll sound wrong for me to go on... heh.

and no, it wasn't a wet dream although i must say the ending shook me up from my sleep and i had to check if i had one.

lol!

war for the planet of the apes

this was the second show i watched over the weekend that has the word "planet" in it. this show was the last of the series of the "planet of the apes" series. it certainly gave a very fitting end to the show. i enjoyed the way the show unfolded and how both apes and human fought and struggled with their internal values. certain scenes did remind of me george orwell's animal farm - such as when caesar realised he had, over time, become no different from koba. but as in all shows, he eventually came to his senses and the righteous part prevailed. it was sad to see him die in the end, but i supposed it was to be expected.

in my opinion, this was also the best of the trilogy, the acting was superb, the music, the production, etc... everything came together very nicely.

totally enjoyed it.

valerian & the city of a thousand planets

i watched two movies this weekend and both has the word "planet" in it. this was the first. this was such a fun show to watch. very imaginative, very fast paced and very beautiful. certainly gives an interesting perspective to how technology will evolve and how humans will live their lives in the future. 

great start to my weekend.

of taxi and bus drivers...

you know you've grown pass a certain age when you start finding taxi and bus drivers cute. heh...

but don't get me wrong, there's really nothing wrong about these uncles. rather, i'm speaking from a typical stereotype point of view where taxi and bus drivers are generally the uncle-next door type of person and not the hot jock adonis greek god bodied personas that most would imagine gay ideals should look like. expectations...

and as a matter of fact, these days there are increasing number of taxi and bus drivers that are younger than me. and to me, with youth comes a certain level of virility, good looks, and attractiveness. and that is very sexy, to me at least. lol. i know, i'm very shallow writing this post, but what the heck, do please allow me to indulge in some shallowness once a while...

oh, i just saw a very cute taxi driver yesterday. and i slowed down my car just to catch a second, third and fourth glimpse of him...

spiderman: homecoming

i would have liked this movie a lot more if not for the irritating character that was peter parker's best friend. so irritating.

dreams of being chased

i had the weirdest dream this morning. i woke up feeling confused and in my drowsy state wanted to connect and remember the whole dream, but i couldn't and fell back to sleep. it was an uneasy short sleep after that. here're snippets of the dream to the best of what i can remember.

at the start of the dream, i was in a semi-dark room full of people. from a first person's perspective, i was looking at a lot of people and i couldn't make out their faces. then someone pointed out that i was fully naked. and from a third person perspective, i saw myself nude and awkward. i was trying to cover myself using my hands.

i found myself out at sea and it seemed like i was drifting - i couldn't make sense whether i was drifting further out or further in initially but after sometime, it seemed like i was drifting towards land. i couldn't make out how deep the water was but as i was nearing the shore, i decided to jump into the water. initially my legs could touch some soft mud but it was nothing i could stand on, i continue swimming towards the shore. through the whole period, the water was just superbly calm, not a single wave nor indications of choppiness. there was a wooden plank walkway that appeared beside me as i swam and i saw my friends on the walkway. they seemed oblivious to me swimming.

i found myself on land. and i was racing and running cos i was being chased and there was danger everywhere. i found myself in a car driven by someone familiar. but this was a faceless person and i didn't know who this person was. but it was someone i could trust. the car drove on and before i knew it, a dog (that appeared in the car) started to attack me. i found myself being chased in a dark forest. the car, with its headlights had fallen behind. soon enough, i was cornered by huge tree trunks and the dog (that now seemed more like a wolf) pounced onto me. i picked up a sharp object and struck its head. the head cracked and blood gushed out of it. it laid at the base of the tree beside me. dead. i was overwhelmed and burst out crying as i had, over time, grown to like the dog (or wolf?).

anxiety

i went for a std/ hiv blood test last week and the doctor told me he wanted to see me personally to give me the results. it's rather personal and i would like to share the results with you face-to-face, he said. before i left, the clinic assistant told me the laboratory will send them the results by monday latest and that i could visit the clinic on tuesday evening. i left the clinic feeling somewhat nervous. as the days pass, the feeling of anxiety started to build up. this despite the fact that i had taken the test before (but that was years ago when i retired from the force). at that time, the collection of my results coincided with my pre-retirement health check and given my anxiety, the medic couldn't get any blood pressure nor pulse check done properly. i felt somewhat similar this time round. what if... i kept thinking. 

i didn't head back to collect the results on tuesday as i had to work late and had dinner plans. and on wednesday, the clinic was closed in the evening. so, came thursday and i made a trip down to the clinic after work. nervously, i registered myself and was given a queue number. during this wait, i was extra sensitive to everything around me - why did the clinic assistant talk to me using that tone, why did she look at me that way... all sorts of scenarios went through my head. the few minutes wait was torturous. i decided to look onto the floor and just ignore everything. next thing i knew, the clinic assistant came up to me, erm, i am sorry, your results is still not out. we are not sure why, but we called the clinic and they said it is not ready. we'll call them again tomorrow and keep you posted once the results are out. so sorry. i was taken aback. i was told the lab usually takes 1-2 days. it had been 5 days. my head started spinning. my anxiety index shot up a few notch that evening. it was super unsettling.

the next afternoon (friday), i got a call telling me that they have gotten the results and that i could visit them anytime. and as i had back to back meetings through the day, i decided to only collect the results on saturday. after registration, the clinic assistant simply pass me an envelop with a huge red word "urgent" stamped on the front face of the envelop. i was kinda taken aback cos i thought the doctor wanted to see me... i gave her a bewildered look and she simply smiled and asked me to take a look before i decide if i wanted to see the doctor. i opened the envelop... took out the results...

i smiled and told her it's ok, i'll not need to see the doctor. 

i left the clinic.

resignation

the department will have a super big event this coming end-august and this week, 2 of my staff tendered their resignation. both will be gone by first week august. 

frankly, amongst the two, i am quite glad that one of them is leaving. this person was the one that has been the source of all internal tensions, and has been sabotaging me quietly behind my back (that i found out recently). everyone in the department cannot get along with this person due to relationship issues as a result of legacy internal politics. but on the other hand, this is also the person who has the most institutional memory about things and had helmed all the key programs the department handles, including the major event in august. and with this resignation, a lot of institutional memory, rationale of how and why things are done in a particular manner, etc will be lost. had initially planned to slowly transfer the know-how over time by assigning some of the responsibilities out and hiring people to take over. but... 

anyway, am kinda in a fix now. but as always, i just have to bite the bullet and see it positively that it is a fresh start for me. i have the opportunity to build my own team. the events will have to come and go. even if it means the department cannot meet the targets set. in the longer term, it is better for the department. 

pre-colonoscopy check

went to the specialist today for a pre-colonoscopy check. this was something arranged since a few months back given that i have crossed my 50 years of age. needed to do this to test if i have colon cancer. and so, after waiting for slightly more than 15minutes, my queue number started flashing. i walked in and there was this young 20-something looking little indian girl seated on the doctor's chair. she almost looked like a school-going kid! she even has pimples on her face! hahaha... anyway, she asked me about my family history, whether anyone had cancer, whether there was any other chronic illness in the family, whether my bowel movement is normal, whether i had frequent blood in the stools, and a lot of other questions relating to stools, etc and finally, why was i referred for colonoscopy. oh, i was asked to consider cos i am over-50 yrs old, i simply replied.

and then she asked me to lie onto the bed to feel my stomach. and (i was totally not prepared for this),  she asked me to turn, face the wall, pull down my pants till below my knees and bend my knees. and once i was ready, she applied a hell lot of lube onto my asshole, and inserted her finger into it to feel if there were any lumps. and that was not enough, after that, she inserted an apparatus in and twisted it around. it felt so uncomfortable! thankfully, it didn't last long. she handed my a stack of hand towels to clean myself and continuing speaking to me as i dressed up. so awkward right? but of cos, i acted cool and simply carried on the conversation with her as "professionally" as i could. was given a full explanation of the colonscopy procedure, that is to be done this coming 31 july. and thinking of the bloody long scope that is going to be inserted via my rear, i do feel a little apprehensive about it.

lol!

checked

paid a visit to the doctor this morning to get my breathlessness checked. lungs clear - not asthma, ecg done - heart functions normal. so... doctor could not figure out the cause of the issue but have given me medications for 2 possible causes - antacid in case it is due to gastric reflux, and prednisolone for possible asthma or respiratory track swell. have not taken the gastric reflux medicine, but the prednisolone certainly did help a great deal. can breath a lot better although the tendency to feel breathless is still there. but at least when i make the effort to take a deeeeeeeep breathe, i can fill my lungs.

need to visit the doctor again end of the week for a review.

breathless

for some reasons, i keep finding myself breathless these days. and i cannot even have a proper full lung even if i were to breathe in hard. and i am reminded of how my mum experienced the same when i looked after her. i wonder if taking prednisolone would help. perhaps i should see a doctor about it. hmmm...

transformers: the last knight

this is the worst show i've seen for a very long time. period.