Unmotivated

I am not sure if this is depression but I am totally not in the mood to do anything, no mood to socialise, no mood to do anything that, objectively, I know I must do to, say, generate income. Just feel totally unmotivated to want to take any steps forward. There's always this voice in my head that tells me to not rush and just relax... that I should just take my time... procrastination? I just don't know how to describe. I mean, I am not feeling unhappy per se. There's a sense of aimlessness or lack of purpose. Things just don't have any meaning to me. But I am not suicidal. So… perhaps I’m not depressed after all.

I am just so so unmotivated.

Exams in Dec

After navigating one delay after another, I have finally managed to book the date for the coaching credentialing examinations. It will be on 4 Dec. Planned to study from mid-Nov and hopefully, I will be able to pass the exams without too much difficulties.

Wish me luck!

Trip to Taiwan

I’ve just returned from a memorable 7-day trip to Taiwan, exploring its northern parts with visits to Tamsui, Yilan, and Taipei City. Each stop offered its own unique experiences and charm. 

• Tamsui surprised me with more than just the old street night market - it’s packed with temples, tourist spots like Fisherman’s Wharf, and Shalun Beach, a gay nudist beach. It’s been years since I visited one, so I couldn’t resist. The public transport here is reliable, but I found Google Maps’ timings off; heading directly to bus stops worked better. 

• From Tamsui, I took a ferry across the river to Bali - not the Indonesian one, but a quiet town whose name stems from “Eighth Mile” in hanyupinyin. Bali offers a peaceful beachfront for cycling, with quirky photo spots like heart-shaped installations meant for wedding shoots.  

• Along the coastal route toward Yilan, places like Shimendong and Tiaoshi stood out. Shimendong features a natural stone arch, and Tiaoshi is known for its quirky bus stop. Both are highly Instagrammable, but the real beauty was in the picturesque coastal road itself. 

• En route to Yilan, I stopped at Yehliu Geological Park to see its famed rock formations, particularly the Queen’s Head. The park is small and the crowds of overexcited tourists dampened the experience. I skipped the queue for a photo with the Queen’s Head and got a shot from a less crowded angle. 

• Yilan is a slower-paced county known for its spas, especially in Jaioxi. I took a relaxing dip in the foot baths and hiked to Wufengqi waterfall - a challenging climb, but worth it. Before leaving Yilan, I toured the Kavalan Whisky Distillery, a must for whisky lovers. 

• One unexpected experience during my stay in Yilan was my first earthquake. As I was watching Netflix, the bed started shaking for about 10 seconds. Initially, I thought the room might be haunted, but a friend’s text confirmed it was an earthquake, registering 4.7 on the Richter scale. Strangely enough, I had nightmares during both nights in Yilan - struggling with some dark figures in my dreams. While unsettling, I was glad it didn’t last beyond those two nights. 

• In Taipei City, I avoided the usual tourist spots and instead strolled through the city, soaking in the urban energy. My evening walk led me to 228 Peace Park, where I unexpectedly encountered the local cruising scene - a surprise after experiencing something similar back in Singapore. 

• One of the highlights of Taipei was hiking Elephant Mountain in the evening. The view of the city skyline, with Taipei 101 lit up, was spectacular. I also enjoyed a tranquil ride on the Maokong Gondola, where I visited tea plantations and savored a pot of chamomile tea with local green bean biscuits. 

• And of course, no trip to Taiwan is complete without visiting the night markets. I explored several, from Tamsui Old Street to Yilan’s Dongmen and Luodong markets, as well as Taipei’s Raohe market. Each had its own vibe and unique food offerings, giving me a taste of Taiwan’s famous street food culture.

Overall, 7 days felt just right for this trip, though I somehow ended up bringing home more TWD than I left. Looks like I have to plan for another trip to Taiwan soon!

9.9 - A special day

According to traditional Hokkien beliefs, herbs are at their most potent on the 9th day of the 9th month in the lunar calendar, a day celebrated as the Chongyang Festival. 

This day also coincides with the birthday of the Nine Heavenly Emperors, which was once a major event for many Taoists. As a child in the 1970s, my mother would take me to the temple, where worshippers, all dressed in white, would wear yellow wristbands to ward off evil and follow a vegetarian diet. Menstruating women were considered 'unclean' and were not allowed in the temple. In the evening, the temples would carry the deities in vibrant parades along major roads, with crowds lining the streets to join in the celebrations.

At home, the day always started with a large pot of herbal chicken soup. Everyone in the family was required to drink at least one bowl. This soup wasn’t just for warding off diseases—it helped to strengthen the body as the weather turned cooler with the approach of winter. On this day, the herbal soup was made to be more 'yang,' or heaty, to boost immunity and protect the body from colds and flu.

These memories of Chongyang Festival remind me of how traditions intertwine with both culture and health. Even now, taking herbal soup on this day feels like a way to connect with both my heritage and my well-being. 

Time for a bowl of soup!

Letting go

I opened my safe today and found a long forgotten envelope. It looked old, worn, and I cannot recall its content until I opened it. There was a notepad, a stack of photos, cards, and even negatives (films). 

These were items from my early relationships to which I held dear. There were a few cards written to me by James. They captured his thoughts, how contented he felt when I held him in my arms, etc. James was probably his best when he put things in writing. And there were also two by Su How. He was not as expressive as James and his cards were just that - cards with a simple sign off. The cards and the content were reflective of the persons behind them - one reflective, articulate and well-read, while the other, simple and unassuming. 

The photos, negatives and the notebook were from the days when Amos and I dated. Those were the early days before I "settled down". Emotions were highly intense and interactions very physical. The notebook captured very detailed accounts of how we met, our dates, our intimate moments, etc. Those were the days before blogging and I wanted to capture our special moments. People would probably think it was written by porn author if they did not know the context. Heh…

I tore up the items and threw them all away. No one will need these items when I eventually go. Leave these as part of my memory. That is enough. And if they should fade, so be it.

Time to let go.