2016 - a year of turnarounds

2016 was a superbly crazy year for me. it was a year of contrasting extremes almost on all fronts. i lost my dog of over 15 years sapphie, and my family (my niece and nephew) in mar/apr 2016. the challenges at the workplace did not help too. the m&a the company went through in may 2016 added further to the stresses throughout the year. but on the bright side, with the gradual departures of people close to me, and the reduced jobscope meant i had a lot of time to myself and this provided me the space to travel and to just pamper myself. 2016 thus became a year where i travelled extensively - at least once a month. a back sprain i got in jul 2016 motivated me to kickstart my walking routines and this in turned helped me maintain my general well-being. i end the year on a high, looking forward to a new career in jan 2017. so, yes, lotsa extremes in the year as i capped my 4th decade and turned 50 in dec 2016. and on this note, i shall pen my reflections, starting with key ones that shaped the conditions of my life in the year.

death & losses (sapphie & family)

sapphie passed away 22 march this year. and with her demise, i had lost someone who'd been my constant source of happiness over the past 15-over years, not withstanding the fact that she was a dog. she was my family - and the only one to see me through my change of relationships, my retirement and transition to civilian life, my career changes and the lost of my parents. i started the year wanting to take good care of her and to provide as much to her as i possibly could. i knew she was old and that i had expected her to leave anytime soon. but her demise was unexpected - it happened suddenly when i was overseas. i supposed the signs were there but i didn't see it happening so suddenly. with her passing, things started to take an interesting turn with my brother's family. i had placed sapphie under their care while i went overseas and the handling of her post-life matters didn't go well with them. coupled with the brewing issues with regards the handling of my late-mum's property, my relationship with my brother took a fatal development. i decided to walk out of the toxic relationship in the end. i am no longer in contact with them, and i had thus lost all possibilities to interact with my niece and nephew. with these losses, things that i had wanted to achieve became impossible. such developments impacted me badly and prolonged the stresses i felt since 2015 where i suffered many death amongst people closest to me including that of my mum. nonetheless, their departures left a huge gap in my life and provide a lot of space and capacities for me to grow in other areas. and this, perhaps was the silver lining and a blessing in disguise for me.

work/ professional development

the acquisition of the company i worked in and the merger with a sister company provided another huge source of stress to me for the year. on that fateful day of 19 may, i was told i would be demoted two levels down, and report to someone with lesser experience than me, whilst he would in turn be promoted because he "is a good friend" of the hr hod. to worsen things, i was told to take over my executive's jobscope. this topped the already stressful work environment i was in with my previous boss. suddenly, the need to find a new job took a renewed urgent push. my inability to get a new job despite attending many interviews resulted in me getting depressed. it took me a while to come to terms with these drastic changes. nonetheless, and positively, the reduced jobscope provided me the much needed space to channel my energies onto myself. i started to take things easy, relaxed a little more, and to reinforce and refresh my basic fundamentals at work. by the start of oct 2016, i was sure my target set at the beginning of the year (i.e., to change job in 2016) would not materialise as i had a 3-month notice period. but things took a unexpected turn when i got a call sometime mid-october by a company. things developed very quickly and an offer was made by early nov. i managed to get a one-month waiver from the full 3-month notice period and will end my current employment by today. i am happy i can end this year just the way i wanted. i start with a new company next week. my next job is a hugely challenging one, both in terms of jobscope, as well as the people i have to interact and work with. but i decided to accept it as i really wanted to get out of my current company. also, the new job will provide me with new areas to challenge myself and move out of my comfort zone. so for 2017, i want to learn, and give my best to my new job.

bee

i will write a bit about bee here. frankly, i do not have much positive areas to write for this para. i started the year wanting to do my part to rebuilt what was weakened over the past years. in this regard, i do not think much was achieved. two hands can clap only if both hands are willing and make the efforts to. and i said that because in my opinion, his priorities were in his work and not on me. i was the one with lots of time and energies but for him, he had constantly committed himself to his work. i'm in the retail line, he used to say. and coupled with the added challenges he had with his mum's frequent health issues, our times together were badly affected. apart from the increased dinners together, everything else that couples do together were largely missing. many plans that we had planned together did not materialise. and many of the things that he said he wanted to do with me ended up not being honoured last minute. this included the planned holiday in sep, which was postponed to november, and again to end-december and then cancelled as he couldn't move away from his work. i had time and again told myself that i needed to manage my expectations. there'll always be disappointments when there are expectations, and i had come to the point where i don't even have expectations for his promises - he: i will pick you for breakfast - i: ok, let's see when you wake up, ok, i will just leave at 7.15am if you don't contact me by then, he: ok, i will be ok to leave for a holiday from 26 dec onwards - i: i'll book my air tickets if you still don't give a confirmation by 23 dec. all these seemed very empty and disappointing when i reflected on the "commitment" he made over the radio mid-year "that i want to spend more time with my family and loves ones"... for 2017, i will simply do my part as a partner. as for him, i can only wish for him to do his part and prioritise better between me and his work. but i know wishes are not solutions and the solutions are beyond me.

friends & colleagues

2016 was the year where there were lotsa developments for friends. for a start, i was depressed and i started to close up. i avoided people, and i avoided all my friends. i saw no point interacting and going out with them.  i didn't want to share my life with them. thus, i began to isolate myself from them. people i avoided include my uni friends as well as larry. i am still managing this as i type and i think it will take a while before i open up to them again. nonetheless, i am human and i have a social space to fill. and this space was filled by my office colleagues - colleagues that banded together after the middle of the year when the company undergo the m&a. and under the very trying and hostile conditions, the relationship of many of my colleagues and i blossomed. in fact, we got along so well that many of them address me as "baba" (or "papa" or "daddy" depending on which language you chose) affectionately. this was really a case where the line between colleagues and friends (and perhaps the concept of "family") blurred. i was really touched by their acceptance cos despite our age difference (most of them are in their 20s and a few in their 30s), they included me in their programs and activities and even went to the extend of organising a birthday retreat in hong kong in dec. i am touched by their responses to me. on top of that, i also made quite a few friends via grindr. and against what most people said, it is indeed possible to make good friends there. quite a few have gone from grindr chats to whatsapp/ line chats and shared good life experiences and lessons with me. for 2017, i will continue to expand my social space, and deepen existing friendships.

personal life & health

i was mired in lotsa challenges in the first half of the year but with the demise of sapphie, the breaking up with my brother and his family, demotion and isolation at work, and the many disappointments i had with bee. these challenges took a toll on my health and my personal life. i became depressed, my kidney stones issue caught up with me, i had a suspected heart issue in apr/ may, experienced lotsa respiratory issues especially during first 7-8 months of the year and i sprained my back in jul 2016. the backsprain shook me up a little cos i really didn't want to re-experience what i went through in 2013 where i was immobilised for a good several weeks. i started to do long walks, hike at macritchie reservoir regularly, and also began my routines of waking up at 4.30am just to walk around my area. over time, i started to include walking as part of my travel plans. i did a few mountain climbing trips to hong kong, took long walks in taiwan or simply to just walk (sometimes aimlessly) in shopping areas/ streets, just for the sake of keeping myself mobile and on the move. these activities allowed me to maintain a relatively good state of health, and helped me managed my bad back. as for my depression, i don't think i am out of it, but i am working on it. in 2017, i may not continue my long walks and definitely not able to keep my travel habits (cos i will no longer be in the airline industry) but i will certainly live healthily and maintain my well-being.

relatives

i wanted to put in more efforts to strengthen the ties with my extended family and i think this was one area that i could have done more. but i do not have any regrets here. with the year filled with all the developments at work and challenges, i was happy i was able to at least kept in contact with my existing relatives and visit them once in a while. for 2017, i will continue to maintain the relationship with my relatives.

bloggers/ blogging

at the beginning of the year, i looked at my blog entries and told myself that i will not want to use number of blogs as a target for me to achieve by the end of the year. this was something i did before (such as in 2015). nonetheless, i told myself i will continue to blog although i acknowledge the motivation to do so was really low at times. but i do recognise the positive points of blogging. it allows me to capture my life's experiences and learn from it. it also allows me to connect with my online friends, something that i admit i am not very strong in - socialising with people face-to-face. frankly, the encouragement and connections i had with some of my blogger friends provided me the much needed push when i was down and the occasional reminder that i needed to buck up when i started to wallow. so... yeah, to all of you reading this, thank you very much for everything. i may not know you nor have seen and interacted with you personally, but i do really appreciate the encouragements and support you have provided me over these years. for 2017, i will certainly continue to blog.

miscellaneous

i decide to just include this additional points here to capture the little nuggets of reflections that are significant to me but perhaps not things where i could have any productive principles/ targets that i want to set for in 2017...

• with the passing of sapphie, the contact with james has reduced to no more than perhaps season greetings/ birthday greetings. i think this may dwindle further with sapphie out of the equation now. 

• mum passed away slightly more than a year ago. since her passing, i had continued to visit her niche at least once a month. and i continue to do so. her presence (and at the same time, absence) was still felt. i started dreaming of her after a few months of her passing. dreams of her were especially frequent during the first half of the year. and in all my dreams, she didn't utter a single word. she remained quiet, and often, smiling. and i do noticed a trend that she always appear whenever i am faced with a lot of distress, mainly related to work. her appearance climaxed towards the end of the year where she appeared with a taoist deity, in the face of danger. i can only conclude one thing - that she was, and still is, my greatest source of support in my life. 

• like the above, this would have fitted in as a para on "family" but i decided against having one. i had broken off all contacts with my brother and as of today the only news i receive about my niece or nephew was through my maid. i had continued to pay her her salary and the maid levy through the year. she had informed me of her intentions to leave in dec 16 but later postpone it to jan/ feb 2017. as for my other family members, i remained in contact with my second sis. other than that, my contact with my first sis remain inconsistent and cold. but it didn't bother me.

• this piece would probably fit in in the "health/ personal life" para but it doesn't flow with the current content. i had my first experience with drugs this year. this was in addition to the increased use of poppers. for the drug intake, it was a deliberate decision i took for the experience. i was also depressed, lonely and i desperately wanted an escape. that was it. i do not think i will repeat it again. i didn't like it, but that is not the point. it is not right.

so that was the 2016 for me, a year where there were extremes in many ways, both in terms of loses as well as gains. and within the year, i can clearly divide it into 2 clear halves. all the negatives happened mostly before july. after that, many positive things happened and i am glad to say that things are really looking up as i end the year. and with this, i shall christen 2016 a year of turnarounds. i enter my 5th decade on earth in 2017 and i am sure it will be an exciting year for me.

happy 2017 everyone.

la la land

this is a story about 2 aspiring artistes and their struggles to achieve success in hollywood. the story focused on how they met, fell in love, put their relationship aside in favour of career, and ended with how they eventually met again 5 years later, each having their own lives. simple story. and perhaps true to the story, the lead actor (ryan gosling) and actress (emma stone) and everyone else in the show came across as really amateurish in their acting. nonetheless, this show was a feel-good show and i enjoyed the overall production and its music. there were of cos a few little gems that surprised me - john legend, nicely choreographed dances, haunting music pieces, etc...

nice way to spend my last night in taipei.

taiwan day 4 - home

all too soon, my 4 days in taiwan came to an end.

the journey back was similarly poignant as my journey to taipei. it was my final staff travel flight. and this time round, i knew 3 out of the 4 cabin crew. and similar to the in-bound flight, they wanted to take photos with me. but the highlight of this return trip was that i sat beside an american and his singaporean wife.

this person was really interesting. he is norman, 62 years old, came from new jersey, left home at the age of 22, bought a car, drove to california - yup, east to west coast - and work there for a couple of years, got himself established and eventually moved to asia where he lived in several countries. married his first wife in philippines, divorced and married his second wife in singapore. and he had been in singapore for 17 years... and all these years, he remained a tourist, travelling in and out of the country frequently doing his business trips around asia. through the whole journey, we chatted almost non-stop and he was a very well exposed and learned person, sharing his views about all sorts of things. 

reflecting, this taiwan trip was rather impromptu and some of the best things that happened to me were unexpected - tomio, ryan, norman... and it was really good to be able to interact with them. 

and to top off this trip, my colleagues were waiting for me for dinner when i arrived.

it was a good end to my time with the company.

taiwan day 3 - taipei

i moved from kaohsiung to taipei on the third day of my trip. this was also the day i took things easy. woke up late, had a heavy breakfast, watched tv and checked out the hotel at 12pm. once again, ryan offered to pick me up and send me to the high speed rail. 

the journey took a little longer than the first day as taipei was 2 stops further north. by the time i reached taipei, it was 4-plus in the afternoon. decided to book the same hotel that i stayed the last time round. it was located right in the center of ximending area and was very central and convenient. checked in, got my phone charged and headed out. i only have one evening here and decided that i should do something familiar. and so in the end, i headed to dongmen for a good dinner. this was the same place i ate with bee the last time we visited and this time round, i surprised myself by downing 3 dishes (of chicken, pigs liver, and asparagus) and a bowl of rice. and i down it with a large bottle of local beer. yumzzzzz!

the thing about dinners at familiar places is that it is as much comfort food for the stomach as it is for the soul. there is minimal stress about wondering what to order, what to eat, where to go, etc. you just need to remember where to go and just do it. and after that hearty dinner, i headed to danshui - another familiar place. i had visited the old street market there a couple of times and i liked it. but my previous visits were in the day and i thought it would be nice to visit at night this time round. i reached danshui at about 7pm and was kinda surprised to note that there is new a newly build underground road that begins at the start of the old street market. and with this, the previous all rounded access to the old street was no more. but what's most striking to me, much like kaohsiung, was the lack of crowds... it was almost dead. such scenes was almost unheard of just last year.

and i was reminded of what ryan told me - that after the new president came into power, the chinese tourists disappeared. and with that, many businesses failed, and many housing estates that was in the midst of constructions stopped. it was rather sad to see such drastic change in taiwan but i supposed that was what the locals wanted. ryan made a comparison with brexit and said that that was what many taiwanese wanted as they feared the lost of their taiwanese identity given the influx of chinese tourists. hmmm... 

there was one single event that stood out for me this trip to danshui. i had just walked into the old street market when i saw someone really really familiar. this guy was tall, fair, handsome, and struck a commanding figure amidst the crowd. he was walking with a kid and a woman, supposedly his wife. i recognised him as norman straightaway, a student of mine when i was teaching in the command and staff college in 2006. he looked at me, nodded at me and smiled at me. i guessed he must have caught me staring at him. i smiled back but did not call him. it couldn't be norman. it was against all logic. norman had died from cancer in 2007. i walked on, dazed, and i kept turning back to look at this norman-lookalike. it was just too strikingly similar.

i ended the night back in ximending and decided to check out a taipei gay sauna. another disappointment. not worth writing. and in the end, i decided to catch a midnight show - la la land. that was how i spend my third day in taiwan.

:-)

taiwan day 2 - around kaohsiung

day 2 was rather relaxing and full of nice surprises. as i said, the hotel was really good and i ended up just lazing in the hotel until close to lunch. 

and once again, another person contacted me in grindr (let's call him ryan). he look really decent - the very business man kinda look and he was local. we chatted a while and he gave me some suggestions about where to go in kaohsiung. in the end, i decided to visit the lotus lake. this lake was a tourist attraction that i had visited in the late 80s when i did my national service and i wanted to take a look at it again. this was the same lake that many singaporean conscripts visit at the end of their taiwan training. i arrived at the place about lunch time. and apart from the temples, the dragon/ tiger pagodas and the goddess of mercy statues, everything else seemed a lot dirtier and messier. for some reasons, kaohsiung today didn't seemed like the same as the kaohsiung i knew in the 80s. nonetheless, i continued my walk and simply soaked in the ambience, the cool breeze and the scenes. and this was when something interesting happened.

i was walking at the goddess of mercy statue when someone called out to me. i turned my head and it turned out to be a japanese young man called tomio. he had thought i was japanese and decided to call out to me. nonetheless, despite his splattering english and my near ignorance of the japanese language, we continued chatting and walked the lake together like two old friends, or rather, father and son. tomio was 23 years old. ha! he was a junior school teacher and was on his first trip overseas. interestingly, he had based himself in taipei and had bought a 3-day travel pass on the high speed rail. that was very brave of him, i thought. we chatted about all sorts of things and i asked if he had a girlfriend to which he said no. and he asked me the same question and i replied similar. he was curious why i had travelled alone too and asked why i had remained single. i simply told him - i am gay. he took it very well. in fact, he was very nonchalant about it, i must say. and i asked if he was one too and he said no, he would like to get married and settle down one day. we walked and chatted for about 2 - 3 hours as we walked to the train station before parting. he wanted to head to tainan to do some shopping for the evening. and i wanted to head back to my hotel. we exchanged numbers and i offered to bring him around in singapore if he visits one day. he's such a sweet guy.

in the evening, ryan contacted me again and offered to drive me around kaohsiung city. i felt a little embarrassed with his friendliness and hospitality but decided to accept his offer in the end. i was, after all, rather lost about where to go and furthermore, after chatting with him for a large part of the day, i thought he was a nice person. and indeed he was. in one evening, i got to visit another local night market (although i decided against going in as it was superbly crowded), the love river, the hill top lookout to see the kaohsiung night skyline, etc... lotsa places that probably only locals know. and to top it off, he bought me soy milk with some snacks - kaohsiung local delights. it was a great evening and we chatted about many things - from taiwanese politics to donald trump, to kaohsiung, and singapore, etc. by the time he dropped me off, it was almost 10pm. it was a really pleasant evening.

that capped my second day in kaohsiung.

:-)

taiwan day 1 - kaohsiung

it was an interesting journey for me this time round. the crew knew i had resigned and we took photos on board. it was kinda bitter sweet for us all cos i had trained them and they reminisce about the good times we had during training and the lesson they'd learned. i supposed to them, they cannot imagine me leaving the company as i had come to be the face that represent the company to them. and i cannot blame them as i had taught them about company history, culture, values, etc... and i had also covered brand, service etc too. nonetheless, it was a poignant moment for me, and i believe them too.

but the highlight of the journey was that in the plane, there was an ex-minister and his family. many people were whispering to each other of his presence. nonetheless, everyone seemed pretty happy to see him as he was a good minister who had had a very good track record and connection with the grassroots. we exchanged a couple of words after disembarking and he shared that he was on holiday with his family and will be spending time at a local hot spring in taipei.

the trip to kaohsiung was uneventful but just as exciting for me. it was after all my first attempt taking the taiwanese high speed rail. and i was rather impressed by the smoothness of the journey. the trip between taipei and kaohsiung took about two and a half hour. not too long and very comfortable. a quick nap and i was there. of cos, it was rather cool that i had a rather nice looking gentleman seated next to me through the whole journey (yup, that is how shallow i can be).... lol.

the hotel was really good and came fully equipped with all sorts of gadgets including a toilet seat that has a heater, auto wash (for both the asshole as well as for vagine (for ladies)) that allowed one to decide on the preferred water pressure. but frankly, such gadgets was not for me. nothing beats using my own hands to clean myself. for some reasons, it didn't feel right to be "auto-cleaned" by a toilet seat. heh... ok, too much info. anyway, the room was so comfortable that i ended up just lazing in my bed and watching national geographic until dinner time! and yes, i was surprised that the hotel served free buffet supper on top of the daily breakfast. this was really a first for me. 

my first evening was spend walking along the famous liuhe night market. but it was rather disappointing cos there was no crowd and most of the people i saw were either from hong kong or singapore. you can identify them from the way they speak! doh! and so, i did a hasty retreat from the night market and headed to the sauna. hi-man was supposedly the best gay sauna in kaohsiung, but it turned out to be the second disappointment for the night. yup, the place was big and clean, but there were hardly anyone there. and coupled with that, i was first amused, then disappointed, that sauna customers walked around in underwear! omg! ended up, i was the only person to walk around in the nude. and this was another first for me! i left in less than half hour.

was watching tv in the hotel when someone in grindr contacted me. he wanted to meet up but i was not too keen although i chatted with him. afterall, i had washed up and ready to retire for the night. but after sometime, he came across as rather nice and i thought i might just meet him for a quick drink. it was then that he mentioned he was deaf. that kinda threw me off. i was generally ok with deaf people but i was really not ready to meet up with one during my break. in the end, i politely turned him down and suggested we continue chatting another time.

i slept early that night.

taiwan trip

for the last week of the month, i had planned for a trip overseas. once again, bee pulled out of the trip due to work. i have given up asking.

i had initially planned for either china, japan, hk or taiwan. and although hk was my preferred destination given the friendly public transport system, i decided to give it a miss this time round as i had been there some 6-7 times this year. as for china destinations, the smog factor was a huge turn off. and after checking for flight details, i noted the unavailability of in-bound tickets for staff through the new year for japanese destinations. so that left me with taiwan.

so... yeah, here i am in kaohsiung. been here since yesterday and i will leave for taipei tomorrow. will spend a day in taipei before heading back to singapore. would have loved to spend more time here had it not for the fact that i had to attend a department dinner on the 30 dec.

:-)

rouge one: a star wars story

this story, like all previous star wars stories did not disappoint. enjoyed it and the final scene when princess leia appeared was a huge surprise!

:-)

departures

"i am leaving the company, but i am not leaving my family"

that was what i told a whole lot of my very close colleagues when they held a farewell dinner for me. but to be exact, it is not the company i am leaving. it is my leaders that i am leaving. imo, my leaders had failed terribly and it is getting increasing difficult to work with them. as for my very close colleagues (and for some, i think would be more appropriate to refer to them as "friends"), my message to them was - no, i will still be there for their gatherings and dinners and in contact with them. 

:-)

ingredients of a successful m&a

as i leave my company and reflect about what the company went through over the past months, a few key themes were clear. these reinforced the lessons i have learned over time. i summarise them as follows:

• leadership is important, and this is even more so in a merger and acquisition situation. my ceo had refused to discuss nor talk about vision or core values. this, in my opinion, formed the biggest single hurdle in the integration process. without a clear vision, teams from the two company that come together, cannot move forward as one. and as a result, whatever energies people have, ended up directed at each other in a negative way. the we vs them mentality became the order of the day.

• when the above happened, leaders down the line, the minus-1 and minus-2 levels begin to take sides, and began to fight with one another. information do not get shared, people downstream, begin to get this differential treatment, real or perceived perhaps is not the point, but the end is the same, teams end up not working in tandem or team members began to fight and worst still, rebel.

• associated with direction, there is also a need to clearly articulate what right behaviour is expected. in another words, values must be articulated. in my merged entity, none was done. in fact, the ceo insisted that the merged entity was ok (i think he was in denial) and insisted that the values of the two previous companies were similar and continued to keep them separate. this, while technically is correct, send the message to the company that the merger was "superficial" and that technically, the company was still very much 2 former entities that was merely placed together.

• communications must be consistent and clear. it is a critical component of engagement and must be cascaded clearly down the chain clearly and with a consistent message. absence of this will lead to chaos and in-fighting. one side will try to bully the other side... too much to talk about in this area...

• respect and sensitivity is of utmost importance. companies are made of people, and people have feelings and needs to be respected. management should not take sides, and should not use sentences that allow lots of room for people downstream to interpret. 

ok, just too many things to write here... but too lazy... haha... but yup, you get the drift. leadership, direction, values, communications, engagement, respect... all critical ingredients of a successful m&a. sadly, there was none in my company. it seemed like the ceo was just doing all these to complete his kpi and getting himself ready to be posted back to the parent company. and with this, the head of hr played so much politics and created so much divide amongst the minus-1 level that the whole environment became so toxic people are leaving in droves...

my last day

i leave my company end of this year. and as i will clear some leave next week, yesterday was my last working day. 

with all the celebrations, lunches, dinners, etc... the final day eventually arrived. i had to make my rounds to the various departments to do my clearance. when i reached my ops department, a few people crowded around me and wished me well. my coo came too and we spoke for a while. he wished me well, saying at the same time that "its too bad, they don't know how to appreciate experience." it was interesting that he used the word "they" instead of something more neutral or collective such as "management". but it reflected the state of the merger - that after 7 months, the "we" versus "them" mentality is still very strong. i am sure this is to be expected as full integration will take a long time. 

overall, it was an emotional day for me. i felt a lot of different and conflicting emotions - happiness, relief, sadness, apprehension, etc. happy and relieved for the fact that i will be out of this situation where i feel mentally unchallenged and having to report to a management that refuse to engage. on the other hand, i felt sad that i will be leaving a lot of colleagues whom i had grown very close to, especially over the last year. and apprehensive because my joining of a new company will bring me into uncharted territories and meeting new people. but well, this apprehension is a positive tension for me, and that, in my opinion is a good thing.

i look forward to my next lap.

:-)

feasting

i had been eating so much the last two months, it was really difficult not to gain weight. haha... 

apart from the daily farewell lunches, dinners and coffee breaks, there were also several christmas meals. and talking about farewell lunches, every department (from my side of the company) organised lunches for me. this was on top of they many other lunches i had with people (cliques) from across departments. but all these aside, i appreciated the fact that i had the opportunity to catch with most of my colleagues. and it was heartening for the fact that everyone framed it not really as just a farewell lunch, but also a lunch to celebrate my moving on to a better job.

and pre-empting the awkwardness everyone would feel if my (merged) department were to organise a lunch for me, i asked that the lunch be dispensed with. nonetheless, my reporting manager asked my ex-staff (who now reports to him) to organise a section lunch for me. when he said that, i was like - errr.... the thing is - none of us in the section are comfortable with him. accordingly, we had had two lunches over the last few months and consistently, through all these lunches, there were so many awkward and silent moments that we really didn't wish to eat with him anymore. conveniently, my staff told him my lunches were all fully booked. heh... that was not a lie totally though. so in the end, we got away not having lunches with him, and my other section colleagues were happy about it too. and as for my other section colleagues, we had a good lunch when our reporting manager went on leave. heh!

:-)

50th birthday

i turned 50 on 17 dec.

and i had so many people celebrating it for me. a week before, my colleagues (whom i was very close to) organised a bbq at the beach. it was fun max as families came along, and we simply ate and drink ourselves stupid.

secondly my staff (who now reports to another person) wanted to surprise me with a birthday cake, but i found out... epic failure one of them said. hahaha... but the birthday celebration in office turned out a little more politically sensitive that expected. you see, my merged department has this practice where every month, one colleague will organise a birthday celebration for everyone bored in that month. in december, it so happened that another girl (from the other airline that we merged with) was born on the same day as me - 17 dec. and it so happened that the one who was supposed to organise the dec birthday had left and no one took over this task.

and what happened was, for my birthday, my ex-staff organised a birthday party for me. and she invited people i was close to to celebrate the cake cutting together. and as i was very close to many people from my side of the airline, almost all departments from my side was represented. and in my department didn't take too well to the fact that people from across all departments came and celebrate my birthday but no one arranged for a celebration of the other colleague who had the same birthdate at me in my department. and to make it up to her, my reporting manager tasked my ex-staff to organise an impromptu celebration for her immediately after mine. and for this department celebration, i was left out. i was actually rather ok by this arrangement until one girl in the department said, during the phototaking, that "hey, we should get jeffrey to also hold the birthday cake and take a department photo". everyone felt superbly awkward...

ok, didn't know if i made sense in the para above. but yeah... when midnight struck, my department head (who had not spoken to me since the merger) send this girl birthday greetings but not to me. and i suspected some others in the department noticed the differences in the treatment and chose to send personal birthday wishes to me instead. but it didn't bother me. in fact, i couldn't care. nonetheless, people read a lot into this disparity in my department head's behaviour and it ended up once again in an awkward "me vs the rest of the department" kinda outcome. anyway, i just ignored the whole affair.

and last but not least, a few close colleagues organised a hong kong trip to celebrate my birthday. 

best birthday celebrations of my life.

:-)

hong kong trip again...

my closest colleagues (more appropriately, friends or for that matter, "surrogate" family) organised a hong kong trip for me over my birthday weekend (last week). and it was one helluva fun. bee came along for the second and third day. in all, there were 6 of us and apart from all the touristy places such as tst, lantau island, tian tan buddha, wong tai sin, chi lin nunnery, the peak, gay bar, clubs, restaurants, etc... we had lotsa good food, drinks, etc... i was so totally dead beat daily.

but it was the most memorable birthday of my life!

:-)

dream - mum the protector

i had a weird dream 2 nights ago. i believe it might have been triggered by my new boss' text and perhaps reflects my anxieties about this new job that i'll be starting soon. but there were quite a few parts that i cannot make sense of. here's the dream...

in the dream i was living in a flat (public housing) with my mum and, i think, my brother. we lived on the second level of the block of flats. a few units away, there lived a guy. this guy looked rather dodgy. in the dream, he was standing at the common corridor and kept staring at my unit. my mum was in the house and this guy came over and spoke with my mum. he said something about signing a contract but my mum didn't respond (interestingly, my mum did not utter a single word through the whole dream). i walked over and told him that he should talk to me about all things, and not to my mum. i took a look at the contract and he explained that he wanted my mum to sign it, iterating that the contract is to ensure we do not talk about the fact that someone had died in his unit. i said we will not sign it and that whatever happened in his unit was for him to manage. he insisted and and said that if my mum and i refused to sign it, he will ask my brother to, to which i said my brother didn't know english and thus he, too, was in no position to sign anything.

the scene changed to the ground floor by the roadside. this guy was waiting for public transport. my mum had left the house after the incident above. i didn't where she had gone to. i was walking towards the bus stop and this guy confronted me. again, he said he wanted me to sign the contract. and again i resisted. at that very moment, two trucks appeared. both trucks were decked with all sort of taoist religious decorations. i saw a whole lot of people in the first truck, they were all dressed in that kinda attire that reminded me of those lion or dragon dancers. and there was traditional chinese drums beating away. the truck was moving slowly towards me. the second truck had similar group of guys but interestingly amongst these guys, i saw my mum. she was wearing a chinese traditional attire similar to that of chinese warriors. she came towards me and in her hand, she carried a statue of a chinese taoist god. and she smiled at me...

i woke up after that...

message from new boss

got a text from my new boss two days ago asking me to meet up. she needs to run through some details about next year's work objectives and to seek my inputs before it is presented to management. also, she thought it would also be nice for me to meet up with key members of my team before i start with them next month.

so nice of her right?

:-)

ps: it hit me that i'm going to start work and that there are possibly a lot of things to do suddenly. such a contrast to the relatively free 6-7 months i had since the merger... haha. feeling apprehensive.

second last week

it's kinda interesting to note that people are getting hit by the fact that this week would be my second last week with the company. and it seemed like everyday, i have people coming to me and expressing their sadness that the departure is imminent and asking if they could have a meal with me. regrettably, i have to politely reject them.

nonetheless, i often reminded myself not to be too sentimental about such departures too. friend and colleagues will come and go. that's the nature of things. and for those closer ones, i am sure they will remain in contact. so... yeah, just have to wish everyone the best and leave quietly next week.

uncouth

was at a neighborhood shopping. center to catch a show over the last weekend when i met this uncouth boy, and his parents didn't bother to correct his wrong behavior. regretful indeed.

you see, bee and i was at a lift landing at the basement of a shopping center. there was this family comprising a couple, their parents and two sons. the kids were speaking loudly as they waited for the lift. soon enough, the lift came and all went into the lift - the grandparents first, followed by the couple and their two sons. of the two sons, one was happily pressing the open and close button as he exclaimed loudly the functions of the button. there were people in the lift and obviously all didn't take too well to the boy playing with the button but all kept quiet. bee and i stood next to the grandparents and we just observed the boy.

next thing you know, a guy came from the car park and it was clear he wanted to catch the lift. seeing this guy, the boy quickly pressed the "close" button repeatedly. there was obviously enough space for this guy and seeing he was very close to the lift door, i took the decision to press the door open button for this guy. when i did that, the boy shouted out "what the...".

i didn't bother about him. managed to let the guy into the lift. all these while the parents and the grandparents stood and just watched. everyone else in the lift was clearly irritated by this boy's behavior and reaction. as for bee standing beside the grandparents, he remarked "没家教" or literally "not disciplined by the family" as i said the same almost at the same time. i could almost feel everyone else uttered the same in agreement in their head.

as for the grandmother, it was clear she heard us for she took a quick glance at us and then almost immediately looked down. i think she was a little embarrassed but she kept quiet. as for the couple, they seemed oblivious to our remark and the dad just acted nonchalant as the boy continued his noise. it was rather irritating. when the lift reached their level the whole family quickly walked out and didn't look back.

frankly, this wasn't the first time i experienced such uncouth behavior. regrettably, this seemed to be quite the norm these days. frankly, i acknowledged that kids are being kids when they are playful and may at times display such negative behavior. but it is most disheartening when the parents do not correct such wrong behaviors. and having seen how some of children grow up wrong after not being corrected when they were young, i can only imagine and cringed at what kinda future the society will be like when these children grow up.

pulau ubin

i had planned for another hong kong hiking trip over this weekend but it didn't materialise - i couldn't get a decent room. and i really don't think i want to spend a couple of hundreds for a simple room for a night. 

nonetheless, i managed to make full use of my saturday. i went for a hike at pulau ubin instead. took a bus to changi point, had my brunch and then boarded a bumboat ferry to the island. there were lotsa visitors given that it was a weekend and most hired bicycles for their visit. but i decided to walk. it allows me to slowly savour the sights and the sounds. and to top it off, the visit to the tip of the island where chek jawa was located was an eye-opener. it allowed me an insight to a short history of the house as well as to take a break before walking back to the jetty. it was a good day and in all, together with the walk from changi point to pasir ris after my return from the island, i managed to chalk up almost 30,000 steps, or a total of close to 21km. 

(by the time i ended the day, i had clocked some 36,000 steps or a total of almost 26km - a new record for me).

:-)

dec is here (again)

without realising it, december is here! and for that matter, its going to be mid-december soon!

well yeah, i have not been really blogging these days. there was hardly any motivation to and i supposed i was lazy too. at work, things were rather slow and mundane and i had been tasked to do things that i really felt was a waste of time and this was made worst by having someone who keep shifting the goal post. surprised how people like that can be placed in positions of leadership... anyway, let's not talk about work. it's rather draining and de-motivating.

on the positive side, there had been an increased interactions with colleagues. you see, since my colleagues found out about my resignations, i get emails and calls from colleagues, even those whom i don't usually interact, expressing their surprise with this news. and many had been buying me lunches these days. i am so gonna get overweight (i already am, by the way) if this were to continue. hehe. frankly, i am happy to leave this company, but sad to leave my colleagues. but well, i suppose the time is ripe to move on. two more weeks to go before my last day!

and yes, i need to think of my year-end blog. must reflect on how my year went before i write my final blog, as i had done so for all previous years.

heh...

hk day 2 - nice day

unlike the first day, the second day was nice and warm. woke up late, watch tv, etc... and checked out by late-morning. managed to head to another temple before meeting up with a friend working in hk. was a good catch up and he showed me around the place for a while. and after that, it was a walk around town before heading to the airport. that capped my second day. nice and simple.

but of cos, not everything was nice in this trip. and i was referring to the hotel room. this time round, because the usual hotel i booked was full, i had to make do with another hotel. it cost me almost one and a half times more but the room was really terrible! i started feeling uneasy when i got to the building (where the "hotel" was located). and to get to the hotel, i had to enter a dodgy looking small entrance by the side of the building and it led me to an old lift that took forever to come down.

when i emerged from the lift, i was horrified as the area looked like a run-down public housing flat. the lift opened to a dark a rectangular corridor where there were units located all around this corridor. i reached the main "door" of the "hotel", knocked on the door. there was no answer and i pushed open a door and it led into a common narrow walkway. at the end of this walkway, there was a messy table and a butch-looking girl sat facing me. she asked me for my name, scrolled her mobile device and told me she'd bring me to my room.

my room was two floors down. it was a small room that had a bed and nothing else, and a toilet cum shower room that was so small i had had to sit on the toilet bowl to shower. i crashed in the bed after washing up and that was when the nightmare started. perhaps i was tired and didn't notice earlier but once i laid down onto my bed, i started hearing drums and electric guitar being played above my room. and to make things worst, someone started singing. it sounded like a live band, except that the band and the singers went off-tune and off-beat frequently. it became clear soon enough that some families living upstairs or some amateur bands were practicing their songs. it went on non-stop for the next 3-over hours and i could hardly sleep. it probably lasted longer, i didn't know as i simply gave up trying to sleep and just changed up and left the hotel.

thankfully when i got back close to midnight, the band had stopped. but the horrors did not end there. i got up from bed the next day and realized that the bedsheets had not been changed for quite sometime. there were stains on it... and to top it off, there was a long strand of hair under my pillow. that was a little too much for me but of cos, i didn't make any fuss out of it and simply packed up and leave.

was a short 2-day trip but on the whole, i achieved what i had wanted to do - visit temples and give thanks. and of cos, it was good that i had the chance to catch up with a friend as i was there.

:-)

hk day 1 - cold trip

on the whole it was a good trip to hong kong, a bit short, but good.

there was no more 6am slot and i had to take the 2am flight saturday morning. arrived hk at 5.30am and it was a little too early. the public transport hasn't started and i decided to change into my compression tights as i waited. my worries that wearing the tights inside my jeans would be too warm was unfounded as the weather was terribly cold on saturday.

for a start, i decided to head to tai o, the only old traditional fishing village left in the territory. i arrived there about 6.30am and the village has not stirred. so it seemed. it was rather chilly and i had to wear an extra long sleeve sweater to keep warm. took a slow stroll around and was able to enjoy the morning breeze as the village started to come alive. it was a nice visit but got a little cold when the rain got heavier and the morning breeze developed into bouts of strong winds. decided to leave the village and head to the po lin temple.

decided to detour to view the shik pek ancient rock along the way. had to descent quite a bit to get to it and had expected something really awesome. but i was disappointed. it was located in a god-forsaken corner of a prison complex and by the side of a litter-strewn gravel path that led to nowhere. apparently, the rock,  that had some carvings on it, was created by some early dwellers of asia some 3000 years ago. and for such a monument, it was disappointing to see it being caged up unceremoniously.

it was about 9.30am when i reached the po lin temple. it was still very early and the air was still heavy with fog. there was a very light drizzle and it added to the poor visibility. after paying my respects i headed to the tian tan buddha. there were only me and another person, such a huge contrast to my previous visits where the place was choked with tourists. made my descent to ngong ping and it started raining cats and dogs. made the best of my time by having a quick lunch as i waited for the rain to stop. 

headed to wong tai sin temple after that. was a quick short visit just to make my donations. couldn't stay long too as there were so many prcs there. didn't help for the fact that despite the rain, almost everyone was trying to touch the foot of the qilin statue at the entrance and trying to grab a picture as they did so. anyway... 

by the time i checked in to my hotel, it was almost 3pm.

i was totally tired by then...

giving thanks

will be heading to hong kong tonight and returning sunday night.

need to head there to visit the few temples that i usually visit. need to give thanks to gods for blessing me with a smooth career change. i had asked to be blessed with a smooth career change when i was there previously and now that i have secured a new job, i will need to give thanks. and since i'm there, i might as well do another hike. but lets see the weather. if it gets too cold, i might just do some shopping instead.

:-)

我不是潘金莲 (i am not madame bovary)

this is such a superbly produced show. was attracted to it when i first saw the trailer and watched it over the weekend. i was so totally wowed by the production and the storytelling. you can google the story and i shall not write too much about it. despite the english title, there was really nothing about madame bovary, which was french by origin. this story was about a chinese lady call li xuelian and chronicled her attempts to clear herself after her husband called her "pan jinlian".

this is a definite must watch movie for anyone who enjoys chinese culture, chinese art, chinese music, chinese stories, and of cos, the art of story-telling where criticism about politicians, politics and political systems are so smoothly done, it actually felt refreshing. and it is so interesting to see how the production was done within a small circle, suggesting how the life of a lowly commoner, could only be interpreted via a small lens... and how this circle changed to a square, when she visited beijing to see a redress for her grievances, beijing being a place where everything is well defined, organised, supposedly rule of law...

:-)

career coaching

it was an exciting week for me. 

you see, i had been coaching a few colleagues on job search for a while and for one particular colleague, things developed so fast she literally went from second interview, to negotiation, to offer, to finally signing the contract all within the week! and for each single stage, i had to literally go into very specific details with her, down to things like how to craft emails, resignation letters, etc. i had to do so as she had not had a job change for the past 8-9 years and thus was totally unsure how to go through one. thus, the process was as exciting for her as it was for me. yesterday, it starting with me rehearsing with her how to negotiate the package and we had to rehearse different scenarios. and wallah! everything that i went through with her happened to the dot! even the amount that i told her she could expect to be quoted. it was just that accurate and she was totally prepared for it! the day ended with her finally accepting the offer and signing the contract!

heh heh... after a few successful career coaching attempts, i do seriously think i have what it takes to be a career coach. hahaha... (pat on my own back). and what better way to end the day then to be able to sit down with 2 ex-colleagues for dinner treat. and of cos, the treat was due to their successful job applications too.

:-)

fantastic beasts and where to find them

i was quite tired when i walked into the cinema and because of that, i almost dozed off during the first half of the show. it was a little disjointed and confusing as the show attempted to provide sneak views of the different weird critters and at the same time, showing a parallel story about a family who is against witches. frankly, it was interesting to see the variety of weird critters, many of the critters reminded me of pokemons! lol! and oh, i need to mention that there was one that looked like real-life minions, and another a real-life "sid" from ice age. and with all these happening at the same time, the pace of the first half was rather uneven. thankfully, the second half of the movie picked up. things became a lot more bearable and coherent and the storyline flowed better.

go watch... but don't expect any young harry porter kinda feel. this movie was clearly made for people who grew up with harry porter, and of course are at least in their 20s now.

what the fart...

it was kinda odd to walk in the forest path (that was relatively narrow) and have a jogger jog pass you, and he let off little bursts of farts with every step he took. yup, that was what happened to me this morning when i went for my routine walk at the macritchie reservoir.

darned. then again, thinking about it, it was a little funny.

night walk

decided to take a night walk at the east coast towards the marina barrage and took this shot of the marina reservoir. very pretty right? first time i visit the place at 10-plus at night.

:-)

tendered my resignation

i finally tendered my resignation this morning.

and frankly, i felt very mixed, and more relieved than happy when i did it. on one hand, i felt very uneasy and sad that i will be leaving many of my colleagues whom i have gotten rather close to over the last few years. yet, on the other hand, i felt relieved for the fact that this whole uneasy period of unauthentic relationships with my reporting manager and department head is coming to an end. i supposed i was also a little apprehensive about the new job. anyway, looking at how my department head smiled, it seemed quite certain that she was quite pleased with my resignation. 

oh, ok, ok, you wanna talk about it? was the first question she asked (and smile as she tried hard to look surprise at the same time) before we proceeded out of the office to "chat". frankly, there was nothing much to talk about. and it was so since six months ago when it was made very clear that the decision to appoint someone junior and much less experienced to be my reporting manager was purely because "they are good friends who went back a long time" and that "she'd perfectly understand if i choose to leave". but i thought a chat would be most useful. on one hand, it would reflect maturity on my part and to allow me to take control of the conversation, and on the other hand, it would allow me an opportunity to seek a waiver of notice period. i reckoned there was no harm asking.

after some initial discussions, it seemed like they are open to let me leave by 31 dec. that, to me, is a good start. i have asked if it can be brought earlier as december is usually a low-peak period. let's wait for their final answer. looks like i will be able to meet my 2016 resolution to leave my current company by year-end after all.

:-)

post-note: the last day has been fixed at 31 dec 2016. fitting end to 2016 i guess...

just give me a reason

i caught a glimpse of this clip in youtube last evening. the title clearly indicated it was a song by "pink" (that i know) and the picture showed a gay couple. i thought it was interesting, considering such open portrayal of gay men are not commonly seen in mtvs. naturally, i clicked on it and woohhh... what i saw made me uncomfortable enough to read the comments and do further research about the background of the clip. and yup, what i read confirmed my suspicion. 

this mtv showed clips of the show "from beginning to end", a controversial production that dealt with the themes of homosexual love and incest. admittedly, i felt a little uncomfortable when i saw it, but thinking about it, well, i supposed such things do happen. i mean, there are just all sorts of people in this world right? and on a very very superficial note, i thought the two actors in the mtv (show) are really cute and their chemistry was really good.

:-)

shocked

a new president has been elected. and everyone is reeling from the shock of the result.

this result, together with brexit, perhaps are indications of a broader dissatisfaction of people (usually the less engaged, unconvinced and perhaps less informed) against current institutions and, i believe, are casualties of globalisation - jobs, identity, livelihood, identity, etc... 

looks like we will be heading back to the times when the world will be more fragmented and where protectionist policies will be the order of the day. and it is during such times that i think lesser democratic ways of electing governments are more effective. but of cos, my thoughts are with the assumption that the government elected is a responsible one that looks after its citizens well, and this assumption may not hold true all the time. does this also mark the start of the end of democracy as we know it? ok, too many thoughts at this point in time.

whatever the case may be, we have to brace ourselves for interesting times ahead.

medical cleared

yup. finally got news that i passed the pre-employment medical tests. 

will be tendering in the next two days.

finally.

(and i am feeling a little mixed now...)

wooden heart

it's hard not to fall in love with this song, and of cos, the ever so cute elvis! certainly brought me back to my childhood.

:-)

"wooden heart (muss i denn)"

can't you see

i love you

please don't break my heart in two

that's not hard to do

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

and if you say goodbye

then i know that i would cry

maybe i would die

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

there's no strings upon this love of mine

it was always you from the start

treat me nice

treat me good

treat me like you really should

'cause i'm not made of wood

and i don't have a wooden heart

**

muss i denn, muss i denn

zum stadtele hinaus

stadtele hinaus

und du, mein schat, bleibst hier?

(repeat **)

there's no strings upon this love of mine

it was always you from the start

sei mir gut

sei mir gut

sei mir wie du wirklich sollst

wie du wirklich sollst

'cause i don't have a wooden heart

did some research and found this clip in youtube. apparently, the song was a german folk song and was shot to fame after elvis adapted it for his hit song "wooden heart". enjoy!

near accident

it was a close call for me this morning. 

you see, i had just crossed a traffic junction and driving on the outermost lane when a tipper truck (that was filtering in from a minor road) attempted to filter into my lane. i kept at my speed as i had expected the tipper truck to let me have the right of way but the driver did not. he emerged from the filter lane, cut across the inner lane and moved into my lane without slowing down. in order to avoid a crash, i had to apply my emergency brake. the rear of my car swerved as i applied my brake and loud screeching sounds could be heard. but it was too late. my car continued moving forward as the truck's front entered my lane. i visualised a head-on crash and held on to the steering wheel tight. thankfully, the truck driver applied his brake in time and his truck slowed down sufficiently for my car to squeeze through (between the truck and the kerb). it was a nerve-wrecking moment.

totally dislike tipper truck drivers.

minus 3 days

it's minus 3 days to the us elections (minus 4 us time).

i really look forward to the conclusion of this election. been a wild roller coaster-ride since the start of the primaries many months back. i must say i am kinda sick of the constant news that kept focusing on the mud-slinging and the personal attacks between the two candidates. the constant bombshells that appeared suddenly added to the already stressful process. regretfully, i can only use 3 words to describe this election - sex, corruption & lies... such politics are never seen locally where policies take center-stage. perhaps this is only special to this election but it is wearing everyone down big time.

i really look forward to 9 nov, the day after. and hopefully, the more qualified candidate wins.

awaiting medical results

completed the pre-employment medical check on monday and when i left, i noted the doctor cleared me for every thing listed in the medical review checklist. there were 2 other things that needed clearance before i am considered cleared - the chest x-ray and the blood haemoglobin count results. i think they should be fine but still couldn't help but feel a little unsettled.

called the company today to check if they have received the report and had been told they will possibly get it this coming monday as the medical center had send it out. in the meantime, there's nothing much i can do except to wait for their call.

let's see how things go. fingers crossed.

:-)

one year

felt like yesterday when i watched her breathed her last breath. been a year...

of birth & death

for 4 consecutive days, there were celebrations and commemorations to mark the two different ends of the lives of my loved ones. let's list them here

• 1 nov - bee's lunar calendar birthday
• 2 nov - bee's gregorian calendar birthday
• 3 nov - sapphie's 16th birthday (if she was still alive)
• 4 nov - mum's lunar calendar death anniversary

usually for sapphie's birthday, i would bring her to the beach to swim. it had been a routine for the 15 years of her life. and this year, i had earlier planned to throw her ashes into the sea at the location where she usually swam on her birthday. but i decided against it for sentimental reasons. tomorrow will be mum's first death anniversary. to taoists (or chinese in general), the first anniversary is significant for it officially marks the end of the mourning period. but i don't intend to engage any monks to do any prayers. i thought it'll be meaningful to just head to the columbarium to reflect and to pay my respects to her. i will head down early in the morning. i suspect my brother will do the same and so i want to avoid meeting him. no point meeting and possibly get into a fight.

time flies right?

a friend passed on...

i was reading the papers this morning and saw a very familiar face in the obituary section. the name confirmed him to be someone i had worked with back when i was in the military. i texted another ex-colleague from the military and learnt that this friend died from lung cancer. apparently, it was discovered only recently and that it had spread to his brain. he condition worsened very quickly and died yesterday. he was 57 years old. a tat too young if you ask me. 

i supposed we all have to walk this path. sooner or later. 

may he rest in peace.

jeremy is married!

my tee (younger brother - well, not biological brother per se) is married finally! and this is the single best and positive thing that has happened to me for a very long while!

jeremy is someone i got to know when he did his national service back in 2001 and we kept in contact after that. he eventually acknowledged me as elder brother when i asked him not to address me as "sir". it's been 15 years since i knew him and he is finally married! i attended his wedding solemnisation and dinner last evening and i was so happy i kinda choked when i witnessed the tea ceremony. glad he found his soulmate finally. and looking at how they have grown over the years, i can only say they fit each other perfectly!

the dinner was a very intimate one where only very very close friends and family members were invited. felt really honoured to be there and to interact with the people that meant so much to him (and of cos to her). and yes, i finally met up with his real brother slim and his partner. we immediately connected. it's been a while since we communicated. am not sure about him but to me, it felt like we'd known each other all these while. nice right? heh... when jeremy gave his speech, i could see the little glimmer in his eyes as he thanked his brother (aka me) and his brothers (his closest friends) for our presence. and it was so nice of him to give me a little peck on my cheek when i finally bade him farewell after the dinner.

i wish them joy and everlasting love from the bottom of my heart!

:-)

doctor strange

this is one movie where science, fantasy, fiction, religion, life, death, etc come together. it's a very interesting movie and i thoroughly enjoyed it. nonetheless, it couldn't run away from the duality of good and bad and the assumption that there is higher being up there somewhere where good and bad fights. and in a way, it reminded me of the concepts subscribed by taoism. dr strange was written in the '60s and i think it is really ahead of its time when it was first released.

i thoroughly enjoyed movie and the effects.

very nice.

offer signed

it happened so fast i almost couldn't believe it...

sometime end-sep (4 weeks ago), i got a call from someone asking if i was open to discuss an opportunity. this person had interviewed me some years back for another opportunity but that didn't materialise as the company decided to use internal candidates. this person had moved to a new company and is now looking for someone to join them as the company intends to move the incumbent to head another project. we chatted a bit and i eventually met up with them 3 weeks ago. that was an interesting interview as it felt more like an informal brief. i supposed they liked me for i was very quickly scheduled for a second round of interview. that interview occurred last thursday and i had to return early from my hong kong for it. 

this week, on monday evening, i got a call asking me to provide them details of 2 referees. and on tuesday morning, i got a call - can you come down for interview this evening? that interview was a very tough one and i thought i didn't make it. frankly, i was so intimidated by the whole interview and the interviewer that i had to think very hard about whether i should proceed with the opportunity. on wednesday morning, i got a call informing me that the interviewer liked my background and that they would like to make me an offer, which i accepted. and thursday i was asked to head down to sign the offer letter, which i did on friday.

it was just non-stop, one after another. the offer is pending successful medical checks which i will do this coming monday. and if all's cleared, i should be tendering my resignation end next week.

fingers crossed.

too fast

things are happening too fast! too bloody fast indeed. but i am not complaining and i will not elaborate here until things are done. will write more over this weekend.

implanted tooth corrected

visited the dentist saturday to fix back my tooth implant. had been almost a month since the tooth was removed for repairs. and unlike the last time where the procedure was done without anaesthesia, i was given 2 jabs this time as i was squirming in pain when the dentist tried to unscrew the cap that had been placed on the root. also, in this one month, my gum had grown and had partially covered the exposed areas. on top of that, i was told the adjacent molar had shifted during this one month and to ensure the tooth fit in well, the dentist had to use a device (that looked like a huge spanner) to grab the molar and move it away forcibly. scary right? heh...

the whole procedure took almost 45 minutes. i was so pleasantly surprised when the counter assistant told me there were no charges for the procedure.

:-)

the girl on the train

it was a last minute decision to watch this show and i didn't regret it. there were so many twists and turns in the show that the different theories about who killed megan had to be reviewed again and again. and the story was told via the lens of an alcoholic and portrayed the challenges of an alcoholic very well - the memory loss, the frequent flashes of memories, fear, confusion...

great end to my holiday. although i now am starting to feel the blues of having to start work again.

darned! lol!

one down (gladly)

i didn't see this coming nor did i expect it.

the interview felt so perfect and the chemistry was good. but i got an email today from the hr person telling me that despite all the good conversation and exchange of views, they have decided not to pursue this conversation further. but my immediate feeling when i got this email was not one of disappointment. instead, i felt relieved. this was because despite the good chemistry and feel-good factor, i didn't feel i connect well with the job scope. in my mind, i was hoping i will not be made to chose this over the other. 

so, yeah... i didn't see this coming nor did i expect it. but i supposed i had subconsciously hoped for it. as such, i was glad this happened. that's one less dilemma for me.

:-)

the accountant

it's been a long while since i watched ben affleck act so well. the fights were well choreographed although to a small extent, it seemed unreal and almost superhero-like. i enjoyed the story and how it was presented - the way it weaved the personal growing up years of wolff (ben's character) and his adult double life. thought it was rather intriguing. and the show was very well-paced, so much so that i didn't feel the 2-hour plus duration. 

such a nice way to end my saturday.

:-)

a monster calls

i walked in expecting to watch a fantasy show of sorts.

it was not to be. despite having animations and a tree monster (that looked almost exactly like that tree giant from lotr), the show turned out to be rather heavy going show. it's about a boy coming to terms with his mothers' death and the changes going on in his life. it was interesting how the show portrayed death, fear, and all sorts of emotions through the lens of the boy. i must say certain scenes reminded me of the dynamics between my mum and i. very strong performance by the boy.

nice and refreshing, although it was a tat heavy going.

alone in the cinema

i went for a midnight show last night and for the first time in my whole life, i had the whole cinema to myself! i was the only person in the cinema and frankly, i felt a little uneasy, especially when the show i watched was about how a boy came to terms with his fears...

neck issues

it's been 6 days and my neck continues to hurt terribly. a stabbing pain would radiate from the point between the shoulders and the neck (think it's the t3 joint) right up to my head if i move my head wrongly. for that matter, i had to carry my head off my pillow with my two hands just to get out of bed! and for the first time in my life, i can appreciate how heavy the head is and the amount the strength and stress the neck is being subjected to constantly! went to see my chiropractor this morning and he said it was due to carrying my back pack when i climbed the lantau peak. he couldn't adjust any of the joints as the muscles had spasmed and the whole neck and shoulders had clammed up! in the end, he asked me to go for a deep tissue massage to loosen up the muscles before going back to him again. so....

yup, have made an appointment for a deep tissue massage later. let's hope it helps.

potential employers

met up with 2 companies on thursday. for one of them, it's the second time i've spoken to them and for the other, it was the first round. the chemistry with the interviewers for both companies was excellent. the conversations were very good and very two-way. 

for me, how successful i feel about any interview is based on how good i feel after the conversation and i must say that i felt really good for both. let's hope the interviewers felt the same. for now, looks like things are developing ok. fingers crossed. hopefully, things turn out positively this time round.

let's hope things go smooth this time round.

sausage party

forgot to post this last week after watching the show...

this was a no-holds-bar show when it comes to portraying of stereotypes and use of crude words. and that earned it a restricted-21 (r21) rating. 

superficially it might come across as a stupid show about food (or the different types of food) engaging in dirty talk and their respective adventures. but if you looked at it closely and analyse the meanings behind the words and the characters, you will realise there were many many hidden meanings and puns. "kill the juice" was one such example... read it out loud, ignore the depicted image of a box of "juice", but focus on what the word "juice" sounds like and you'll get the meaning of what the show was trying to say. and there were so many stereotypes portrayed in the show such as those along racial lines, glbts, etc and for that matter, even religion was touched upon.

i supposed the word that can be used to describe the show is - subversive. and very cleverly done indeed, i must say.

(as i looked at the facial expressions of the characters above, it also reminded me of the expressions of many people when trump hinted the possibility of not conceding in the coming election...lol)

for wrong reasons

in a very warped way, i find myself looking forward to the third and final debate. and the reasons for this was because i wanted to see how much lower this debate will bring the election to...

:-)

末班車 (the last train)

heard this song 末班車 (the last train) a couple of times over the radio and simply fell in love with it. the flute, the cello, the melody, and the way the singer delivered it, really beautiful, really melancholic. had previously attempted to look for it in the net but failed as i didn't really catch the lyrics. and last night, the radio played it again and i made sure i caught some phrases so that i could google it and walah!

so happy!

作詞：馬嵩惟,
作曲：李偉菘
編曲：terence teo

(in traditional chinese)

空著手 猶如你來的時候
緊皺的額頭 終於再沒有苦痛
走得太累了 眼皮難免會沉重
你沒錯 是應該回家坐坐

*鳴笛聲 悄悄地刺進耳朵
這一次揮手 恐怕再沒機會問候
最後一遍了 換你躲進我雙肘
像靠在 曾搖動我的天空

別說話 淚水你別帶走
鏡子裡的我 已留下你 輪廓上的笑容
別回眸 末 班車要開了
你不過先走 深愛是讓不捨離開的人 好好走

repeat*

別牽掛 約好我們再見
散步的午後 要像從前 再挽著手敘舊
別逗留 末班車要開了
路到了盡頭 回頭是爲永留心口的人 好好走


(in simplified chinese & english translation)

空着手 犹如你来的时候
my arms are empty, like how it was like when you came

紧皱的额头 终于再没有苦痛
with a furrowed brow, there’s finally an end to this suffering

走得太累了 眼皮难免会沉重
this journey had been too tiring, my eyelids are falling

你没错 是应该回家坐坐
you are right, it’s time to return home

*
鸣笛声 悄悄地刺进耳朵
the blare of the horn crept into my ears

这一次挥手 恐怕再没机会问候
with this farewell, we would probably have no other chance to exchange words

最后一遍了 换你躲进我双肘
for the last time, you came into my arms

像靠在 曾摇动我的天空
i’m embracing the very thing that had shaken my world

别说话 泪水你别带走
don’t say a word, leave the tears with me

镜子里的我 已留下你轮廓上的笑容
i recognized your smile when i looked at myself in the mirror

别回眸 末班车要开了
don’t look back, the last train is leaving

你不过先走
you are just going before i do

深爱是让不舍离开的人 好好走
i’m letting you go as a sign of how much i love you

repeat *

别牵挂 约好我们再见
don’t worry about me, we will meet someday

散步的午后 要像从前
the afternoon stroll like how we always do

再挽着手叙旧
arms in arms, reminiscing

别逗留 末班车要开了
don’t linger, the last train is leaving

路到了尽头
the road came to an end

回头是为 永留心口的人 好好走
look back, let go, and keep the person you've loved in your heart forever