About Teachers and Ethical Conduct...

Read an article in the Sunday Times LIFE! section today. The article was about weblogs, teachers writing their diaries in their blogs to be specific. This article reminded me about an incident that happened sometime back with a teacher friend (ex-friend perhaps) of mine. Not exactly about weblogs but rather, it was about his activist approach in the net towards his students.

You see, there is a forum site in a popular local gay web and within this forum, there is a thread that was started by gay students of a well-reputed JC. This is perhaps one of the more active threads by a group of gay JC student body. At that time, there was a lot of gossip about their speculations of which teacher is/ is not gay. Not very constructive and very very pa-kua. What this teacher friend of mine (who was teaching at that JC) did was that he came out to these students in the forum thread and posted his encouragements to his (gay) students. His response was to the effect of asking them to get together and form their own groupings within their college so that gay students would have a voice.

I shared with him my uneasiness about his activist-centric posting as I felt he might have stepped out of the limits of his professional-self as a teacher of the JC and that this was not ethical. Whatever the case, he responded in the most hostile manner chiding me for being closeted, etc etc, etc and that it was because there are people like me that makes things so difficult for gay activists locally.

That may be his views, but I seriously believed that he has overstepped his boundaries as a teacher. I strongly believe that one should be clear about one's professional conduct that should be guided by a certain professional ethical guidelines and never overlap it with one's personal gay-activist-related agenda (such as fighting for more recognition for gays in Singapore).

I mean, I was not against sharing with the students his views about being gay and to counsel them if they need advice in sexuality issues (as what most schools are doing). In fact, in coming out to them, he might be in a better position and credibility to support their emotional well-being if they need help and that would be a good thing. But to encourage them to become activists was something I personally felt was not correct and definitely not what a teacher should do.

Whatever, the case, my sharing with him about my uneasiness resulted in a heated exchange of smses and accusations that ended very badly. While I respected his passion for his activistism, I felt it was not productive to engage him further as he had taken the issue personally and refused to give me a chance to share my views.

What do you think? Has he stepped overboard? I remembered my ex sharing with me that he (the teacher) had told him that he was aware of his actions and was in fact looking for an exit in the event that MOE gets to him.

On a more personal front, he was also the same person who has been a source of tension between me and my ex through the last few years and that also contributed to eventual breakdown of communications between me and my ex. Well, that, is another story.

2006 so far... very Drama

Relationship

I have moved on (well, almost...). And I know that I will never be able to completely say I have move on in totality. He will always be very dear to me. Forever.

Since he moved out, he would occasionally bring the dog home to stay with him (for a couple of days). It's not unlike a divorced couple who brings the kid home for a visit every so often. Nonetheless, he remained cold to me. My smses to him continue to be responded with neutral replies at best. It's usually a `I have something on' kinda reply. Well, I reckoned he will have to stop being angry with me and move on too. I am sure he will understand why I did it in time to come. I still believe it is for the best despite the pains and the hurt that we'll have to go through during this period of recovery.

Since his moving out, I have often wondered about his health, about whether he takes care of himself, whether he has eaten well, etc. Guess this has become a habit cos during the past years when we were together, I'd busy myself by looking after him and his needs, make herbal soup, reminding him to sleep early, etc while he focused on his work.In deciding to end this unbalanced relationship, I have to accept that both of us would be hurt and to manage the emotions. I do admit I still worry and think of him a lot but I guess I cannot let sentimentality rule me. I have moved on as much as I possibly could in the last 4 months. Not easy. Not easy at all.

His things remained in my house and he continues to hold on to the house key, car park disks etc... and I have also consistently visited his home to pass his letters to him (by putting them in his shoe cabinet). And I'd also at times drive through the multi-storey car park to see his car. He has still not purchase the season parking, choosing to use overnight coupons. Somehow, I felt responsible for it. Then again, I cannot manage these things for him anymore.My worrying and thinking about him has been a source of tension between me and my current partner and I understand his frustrations at times. But over time, with much reassurance, he has accepted that this is something that I have to go through and we have both come to manage this together.

Work

Things have been well, perhaps being overworked a bit, but smooth. Came out to my boss and he has been very supportive. Thankful of that altho I cannot but feel a bit sceptical about it. About my security office, they have hands off me for a while other than a small and perhaps unwarranted email by a junior chap reminding me that I have to be professional about my conduct (warped isn't it? seemed to suggest that my professionalism is affected becos I am gay and that a junior person has the audacity (and authority?) to tell me off! Professionalism? Ironic right? Guess he needs to reflect on it himself!)... then again, not too bothered about it and just ignored his mail. Interestingly enough, my boss also thought I should just ignore him! :) Think my salary is more important to me than all the shit from the security office. I have given my boss the assurrance that I will not allow my sexuality get into the way of my work (not that it has over the last 20 years!) and I also want to prove to everyone in this homophobic organisation that GLBTs are as capable as any other straight persons.

Health

My ankle has healed 90% and hopefully I can resume my normal exercises by next month! Hurray! Have waited for this for the last 8-9 months!

Family

All has been well but last Tue, I came home from my shopping to find my mum fainted on the floor. You see, she has been suffering from a bout of diarrhea, followed by a few days of constipation. Brought her to the doctor and was prescribed with some laxative. In the evening, she started having diarrhea again and when things seemed a bit more stabilised, I went out to do some shopping.

When I returned, I found the corridor lights switched on and that her clothes and sarongs all strewned on the floor. For a while, I thought she had gone to clear her bowels and had not closed the door and waited in the living room. When there was no response after about 10 minutes, I went to the toilet but could not find her. What I saw made me panicked big time. Not only was her clothes and sarongs strewned all over the floor, but there was a trail of shit from her bed (which had also been badly stained) to the toilet and from the toilet to my room! And I saw her lying on my bedroom floor in a pool of liquid shit! She was really cold and her face and clothes were all wet from her perspiration! And to top things off, her eyes were wide opened! My calls were responded by weak `huhs'...

So many things need to be done all at the same time and for a while, I really gabra-ed. Flood of things ran through my head - my first reaction was to call her and to make her regain consciousness while I called for the ambulance. Made her sit up while I ran to get a change for her. When I returned to the room, I found her unconscious again on the floor! Then I called my boss telling him a need to apply for urgent leave. For the next 5 - 10 minutes (which seemed a lifetime), I was cleaning the shit, changing her sarong, opening all the windows and doors (GAWD!!! was it smelly!) and trying to keep myself composed while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I was really trembling by then.

At the hospital, she was found to be heavily deydrated and that her intestines has been bloated. Initial scan showed that her bloated intestines has choked up her whole system and that if not corrected, her life would be in danger if she starts to vomit out her faeces (eeks!). According to the doctor, she would probably need a surgery to remove her bad large intestines. Initial tests seemed to also suggest a certain degree of cancer... but thus far, these tests had been non-conclusive and the doctor had since kept her under observation and under strict liquid diet... she's now recuperating in the hospital while awaiting further tests to ascertain if she needs an operation.

Been a scare for everyone in the family. Guess we'll have to manage a step at a time for now.

[oooh, I forgot to mention this - the medic that evacuated her was also rather cute! :-)]

Gubra

Watched Gubra and what went through my head was just so much much more than what Yasmin had set out to do. As mentioned in her blog - "Gubra" is intended to examine one common phenomenon: The simple everyday fact that when we experience betrayal, it is more often than not committed unto us by people who love us; not people who hate us."

What I experienced was a barrage of mixed of emotions related to race, religion, cultural differences, and to a small extend, even sensed a political jab at the Malaysian politics as well as Singaporeans. Also, can't help but think about my childhood days and the kampong lifestyle that was so warm and that I can still remember till today. Let me explain...

For a start, when I walked into the cinema, I noticed that for once, I was surrounded by Malays - men in songkok, women in tudungs, and a few Chinese... no, no, not that I am racist, but rather, it was not often that one experience such a Malay-majority setting in Singapore other than at void deck weddings. And to me, this Malay-majority setting accentuated the feelings of race relations and cultural differences as the scenes unfolded. And this for me, was rather interesting cos all my life, while I have been aware of such race/ religion-divide and have been totally comfortable with my Malay Muslims community, I have never been put in such an artificial environment that would make me, admittedly, a little awkward; and that also evoked a little desire in me to want to show my Malay-side more.

You see, being of half-baba descent (my mum being a Peranakan), I had the advantage of watching and understanding the show without referring to the subtitles (that could not capture certain nuances or for that matter, able to translate everything correctly or quickly enough and that would result in some delayed laughters from the non-Malay audiences). And from this angle, I do consider myself more Malay than a `typical' Chinese Singaporean. Anyway... the feelings of race/ religion-divide soon disappeared as the show progressed.

During the show, I was also able to relate to the frustrations of mak-Jason - her disagreements with her china-pek husband. Cannot help but think of all the challenges my mum went through when she married my dad! I could still remember my mum relating all the problems, discrimination, arguments, etc to me some long time back. Also, mak-Jason's use of the baba-language was a really very nice change from all the all-too-perfect Malay, English, Chinese languages that is being promoted and drilled into us almost daily here :-)

And of cos, the whole setting - kampong, school, hospital etc, just simply reminds me so much of my childhood days in Paya Lebar and Marine Parade... Can't help but reminisce the good old days where visits and exchanges between neighbours of different races occur every other day! Those days do not exist in Singapore anymore.

What I also liked about the show was the fact the Yasmin (through the character Alan - oh, did I mentioned he was soooo cute! well, that is another story!) was able to highlight the frustrations of Malaysian Chinese about their pro-Malays political system and at the same time take a jab at (lack of a better word to use) Singaporeans for their attitude towards Malaysians (when Alan mentioned his ex-Singaporean wife said he [being a Malaysian] was not good enough for her). And all these was very objectively and nicely done, so so unlike Jack Neo's ultra pro-government and politically correct shows :-)

Yes, I felt the `betrayal' that Yasmin had set off to achieve and much more.

Thanks for the experience and congratulations for the beautiful work.

(see also review of the show)