Relationship
I have moved on (well, almost...). And I know that I will never be able to completely say I have move on in totality. He will always be very dear to me. Forever.
Since he moved out, he would occasionally bring the dog home to stay with him (for a couple of days). It's not unlike a divorced couple who brings the kid home for a visit every so often. Nonetheless, he remained cold to me. My smses to him continue to be responded with neutral replies at best. It's usually a `I have something on' kinda reply. Well, I reckoned he will have to stop being angry with me and move on too. I am sure he will understand why I did it in time to come. I still believe it is for the best despite the pains and the hurt that we'll have to go through during this period of recovery.
Since his moving out, I have often wondered about his health, about whether he takes care of himself, whether he has eaten well, etc. Guess this has become a habit cos during the past years when we were together, I'd busy myself by looking after him and his needs, make herbal soup, reminding him to sleep early, etc while he focused on his work.In deciding to end this unbalanced relationship, I have to accept that both of us would be hurt and to manage the emotions. I do admit I still worry and think of him a lot but I guess I cannot let sentimentality rule me. I have moved on as much as I possibly could in the last 4 months. Not easy. Not easy at all.
His things remained in my house and he continues to hold on to the house key, car park disks etc... and I have also consistently visited his home to pass his letters to him (by putting them in his shoe cabinet). And I'd also at times drive through the multi-storey car park to see his car. He has still not purchase the season parking, choosing to use overnight coupons. Somehow, I felt responsible for it. Then again, I cannot manage these things for him anymore.My worrying and thinking about him has been a source of tension between me and my current partner and I understand his frustrations at times. But over time, with much reassurance, he has accepted that this is something that I have to go through and we have both come to manage this together.
Work
Things have been well, perhaps being overworked a bit, but smooth. Came out to my boss and he has been very supportive. Thankful of that altho I cannot but feel a bit sceptical about it. About my security office, they have hands off me for a while other than a small and perhaps unwarranted email by a junior chap reminding me that I have to be professional about my conduct (warped isn't it? seemed to suggest that my professionalism is affected becos I am gay and that a junior person has the audacity (and authority?) to tell me off! Professionalism? Ironic right? Guess he needs to reflect on it himself!)... then again, not too bothered about it and just ignored his mail. Interestingly enough, my boss also thought I should just ignore him! :) Think my salary is more important to me than all the shit from the security office. I have given my boss the assurrance that I will not allow my sexuality get into the way of my work (not that it has over the last 20 years!) and I also want to prove to everyone in this homophobic organisation that GLBTs are as capable as any other straight persons.
Health
My ankle has healed 90% and hopefully I can resume my normal exercises by next month! Hurray! Have waited for this for the last 8-9 months!
Family
All has been well but last Tue, I came home from my shopping to find my mum fainted on the floor. You see, she has been suffering from a bout of diarrhea, followed by a few days of constipation. Brought her to the doctor and was prescribed with some laxative. In the evening, she started having diarrhea again and when things seemed a bit more stabilised, I went out to do some shopping.
I have moved on (well, almost...). And I know that I will never be able to completely say I have move on in totality. He will always be very dear to me. Forever.
Since he moved out, he would occasionally bring the dog home to stay with him (for a couple of days). It's not unlike a divorced couple who brings the kid home for a visit every so often. Nonetheless, he remained cold to me. My smses to him continue to be responded with neutral replies at best. It's usually a `I have something on' kinda reply. Well, I reckoned he will have to stop being angry with me and move on too. I am sure he will understand why I did it in time to come. I still believe it is for the best despite the pains and the hurt that we'll have to go through during this period of recovery.
Since his moving out, I have often wondered about his health, about whether he takes care of himself, whether he has eaten well, etc. Guess this has become a habit cos during the past years when we were together, I'd busy myself by looking after him and his needs, make herbal soup, reminding him to sleep early, etc while he focused on his work.In deciding to end this unbalanced relationship, I have to accept that both of us would be hurt and to manage the emotions. I do admit I still worry and think of him a lot but I guess I cannot let sentimentality rule me. I have moved on as much as I possibly could in the last 4 months. Not easy. Not easy at all.
His things remained in my house and he continues to hold on to the house key, car park disks etc... and I have also consistently visited his home to pass his letters to him (by putting them in his shoe cabinet). And I'd also at times drive through the multi-storey car park to see his car. He has still not purchase the season parking, choosing to use overnight coupons. Somehow, I felt responsible for it. Then again, I cannot manage these things for him anymore.My worrying and thinking about him has been a source of tension between me and my current partner and I understand his frustrations at times. But over time, with much reassurance, he has accepted that this is something that I have to go through and we have both come to manage this together.
Work
Things have been well, perhaps being overworked a bit, but smooth. Came out to my boss and he has been very supportive. Thankful of that altho I cannot but feel a bit sceptical about it. About my security office, they have hands off me for a while other than a small and perhaps unwarranted email by a junior chap reminding me that I have to be professional about my conduct (warped isn't it? seemed to suggest that my professionalism is affected becos I am gay and that a junior person has the audacity (and authority?) to tell me off! Professionalism? Ironic right? Guess he needs to reflect on it himself!)... then again, not too bothered about it and just ignored his mail. Interestingly enough, my boss also thought I should just ignore him! :) Think my salary is more important to me than all the shit from the security office. I have given my boss the assurrance that I will not allow my sexuality get into the way of my work (not that it has over the last 20 years!) and I also want to prove to everyone in this homophobic organisation that GLBTs are as capable as any other straight persons.
Health
My ankle has healed 90% and hopefully I can resume my normal exercises by next month! Hurray! Have waited for this for the last 8-9 months!
Family
All has been well but last Tue, I came home from my shopping to find my mum fainted on the floor. You see, she has been suffering from a bout of diarrhea, followed by a few days of constipation. Brought her to the doctor and was prescribed with some laxative. In the evening, she started having diarrhea again and when things seemed a bit more stabilised, I went out to do some shopping.
When I returned, I found the corridor lights switched on and that her clothes and sarongs all strewned on the floor. For a while, I thought she had gone to clear her bowels and had not closed the door and waited in the living room. When there was no response after about 10 minutes, I went to the toilet but could not find her. What I saw made me panicked big time. Not only was her clothes and sarongs strewned all over the floor, but there was a trail of shit from her bed (which had also been badly stained) to the toilet and from the toilet to my room! And I saw her lying on my bedroom floor in a pool of liquid shit! She was really cold and her face and clothes were all wet from her perspiration! And to top things off, her eyes were wide opened! My calls were responded by weak `huhs'...
So many things need to be done all at the same time and for a while, I really gabra-ed. Flood of things ran through my head - my first reaction was to call her and to make her regain consciousness while I called for the ambulance. Made her sit up while I ran to get a change for her. When I returned to the room, I found her unconscious again on the floor! Then I called my boss telling him a need to apply for urgent leave. For the next 5 - 10 minutes (which seemed a lifetime), I was cleaning the shit, changing her sarong, opening all the windows and doors (GAWD!!! was it smelly!) and trying to keep myself composed while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I was really trembling by then.
At the hospital, she was found to be heavily deydrated and that her intestines has been bloated. Initial scan showed that her bloated intestines has choked up her whole system and that if not corrected, her life would be in danger if she starts to vomit out her faeces (eeks!). According to the doctor, she would probably need a surgery to remove her bad large intestines. Initial tests seemed to also suggest a certain degree of cancer... but thus far, these tests had been non-conclusive and the doctor had since kept her under observation and under strict liquid diet... she's now recuperating in the hospital while awaiting further tests to ascertain if she needs an operation.
Been a scare for everyone in the family. Guess we'll have to manage a step at a time for now.
[oooh, I forgot to mention this - the medic that evacuated her was also rather cute! :-)]
2 comments:
hey, i understand that it's rough but hang in there, man. Hope your mum's alright too.
Hey Dancer.. wow.. it's really been a tough time for you, haven't it? I've been through similar things with my mum..and I know how difficult it can be. I hope things would turn out better soon. Just hold on... the biggest problem in this world still has an ending.
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