2024 - Reinvention

2024 has been a year of reinvention for me - both personally and professionally. I began the year intending to focus on professional transformation, but an unexpected breakup forced me to fundamentally reassess my life’s priorities. Here’s a contextual rundown of my year. 

Professional Growth 

I left my corporate life in December 2023 (at 57) with the aim to pivot my career to that of a business owner and freelancer, specifically as a trainer and coach. I gave myself the goal to stabilise my career before I turn 60 in 2026. After attaining my trainer credentials in 2023, I dedicated myself to attaining my ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC) credential this year, and I am happy to have achieved this before the end of the year. I’ve also signed on as an associate trainer with two companies, and I look forward to beginning training sessions in 2025. 

Training is an area where I see potential for growth, and it will also provide financial stability while I continue my freelance career. Coaching, on the other hand, is more client-driven, so income from coaching is less predictable. Nonetheless, I want to continue with my coaching practise as it keeps me socially engaged and enriches me beyond the financials. The combination of both will allow me to balance predictable income with the flexibility and fulfilment coaching offers. Training and coaching will thus be my focus professionally as I head into 2025. If I do this well, I should be able to achieve stability by 59 (2025), ahead of my 2026 target. 

Personal Life

2024 has been a defining year, particularly in my personal life, given the unexpected breakup in mid-April. After the breakup, I found myself facing the reality of being single for the first time in almost three decades since coming out. Many friends also took sides and left me feeling isolated. Having spent years in relationships, this period of singlehood has provided an opportunity for introspection and self-discovery. For the first time in a long while, I am forced to focus on living for myself, and embracing my independence. 

Positively, it allowed me to savour what it means to be single. This new experience has been liberating and allowed me to explore what brings me fulfillment beyond the expectations of others or the dynamics of a relationship. This phase of self-reflection and growth has been incredibly refreshing. I’ve come to understand the importance of prioritising my own well-being and personal journey. Admittedly, I’ve felt extremely lonely at times and yearned for company, but I’ve learned to embrace the freedom that comes with being single and the opportunities to reconnect with my own needs and desires. While I’m not closed to the possibility of future relationships, I will, in 2025, continue this journey of independence and savour the journey to rediscover myself. I’m excited to see where this path leads. 

Family & Relatives 

Family relationships have been a significant part of my life journey, but this year I’ve relearned the importance of setting boundaries to protect my peace. While I’ve always valued blood ties, I’ve come to realise that familial bonds should not come at the cost of my personal dignity and respect. After a conflict with my second sister over tenant sourcing, I decided to reassess and establish clearer boundaries with her. The fallout made me realise that while family is important, I cannot allow myself to be disrespected simply because of our shared history. 

In contrast, my relationship with my paternal relatives and eldest sister remains relatively unchanged with the usual festive and birthday greetings. It’s been an enlightening year in terms of learning how to protect my emotional well-being without feeling guilty about distancing myself from family members who do not honour my boundaries. For 2025, I intend to continue fostering healthy, positive relationships while maintaining a strong sense of self and independence. Family will always be important to me, but I am no longer willing to sacrifice my peace to maintain ties that feel unhealthy or one-sided. 

 

Financial Health

In 2024, I made a conscious decision to focus on my coaching credentials and training opportunities rather than working for a traditional income. As a matter of principle, I chose not to charge my clients financially but instead requested payments in kind, such as a meal or a drink. This allowed me to build valuable coaching experience while keeping costs low. I also leveraged my savings and rental income to finance this year, allowing me to focus on my career reinvention. 

A significant part of this decision was selling my car at the end of April, after owning several vehicles over the past three decades. While the car was once a necessity, its upkeep had become a financial strain, especially since I was not earning a regular income this year. Initially, I had held onto it for the sake of my partner and our regular outings, but after the breakup, keeping it no longer made sense. In 2025, I will focus on building a predictable income through training, with the goal of rebuilding my finances while maintaining a lean and sustainable lifestyle. Coaching will remain a supplementary income stream if indeed I charge, but training will become my primary income source, giving me the stability I need. 

Well-Being & Health

I wanted to prioritise my health and well-being this year. Given the all-too-pervasive challenges I faced this year, this priority to focus on my conscious efforts to maintain both my physical and mental health couldn’t have been more timely. I’ve continued my daily walking regime and am happy to have achieved an average of 18.6K steps a day for the year. Despite the occasional heart-related scares, I’m glad I’ve managed to maintain my heart health and with an affirmation by the cardiologist that all is well. My urologist’s review also showed no significant deterioration to my kidney conditions, which was a relief. 

Mentally, I had focused on reducing stress by travelling. This has been a key factor in helping me recharge and decompress. I made it a point to travel out of the country at least once a month, allowing myself the space to relax and escape the pressures of daily life. These trips have become a vital part of my routine, offering both relaxation and an opportunity to reset. For 2025, I will continue prioritising my well-being, with a focus on physical fitness and mental health, ensuring I stay balanced and healthy as I take on new challenges. 

Conclusion 

Looking back at 2024, it’s been a year of transformation, and significant change. I’ve also realised how resilient I am. The challenges I’ve faced, from a breakup to health scares and the reinvention of my career, have only made me stronger. I am excited about the opportunities that lie ahead - building a stable income through training, continuing my coaching journey, and maintaining a healthy balance between my personal and professional life. I’m ready to embrace the future with renewed purpose, confidence, and an open mind, knowing that the reinvention of 2024 has laid the foundation for the next chapter of my life.  

Happy 2025!

An interesting encounter

It had been raining heavily all evening, and I wanted to head to the nearby mall for a cup of Indian tea. There’s nothing quite like a piping hot cup of tea to warm you up on a chilly day.

On my way to the train station, I decided to use the restroom before boarding the train. As I walked into the toilet, a dazed-looking old man emerged, completely naked from the waist down. I found the sight unsettling but quickly went about my business and left the restroom. As I reached the walkway, I noticed a foreign domestic helper - later I learned she was the old man’s caretaker - frantically gesturing to the station manager for assistance. Despite the language barrier, the station manager understood her plight but, in his frustration, raised his voice, saying he couldn’t abandon his post to help. 

Sensing something amiss, I decided I couldn’t walk away without doing something. More than anything, I wanted to protect the old man’s dignity. I returned to the restroom, removed my sleeveless t-shirt, and put my jacket back on. Taking the t-shirt, I approached the old man and helped him put it on, inverting it so he could wear it like a pair of shorts. He looked confused but allowed me to help him. I then spoke to an elderly woman nearby, presumably his wife, in Teochew that the t-shirt would at least keep him covered as they make arrangements to get home. The maid explained that she had contacted the man’s son, who was on his way to fetch them. With some reassurance that help was on its way, I left them and continued toward the mall (which was one train station away). Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should do more. I decided to buy a pair of shorts for the old man. When I returned to the station, they were already gone. The station manager told me that the son had arrived and taken the old man home.

In the end, I didn’t get my tea, and I came home with a pair of oversized shorts that I’d probably never use. But I felt good knowing that, in a small way, I had been able to help preserve the old man’s dignity in a difficult moment.

Draining but meaningful

It has been an interesting and very draining past few days filled with numerous intense conversations. The following stood out:

• A friend, who had over the last many years/ months, shared about his ailing mother, texted me last Friday to tell me she's very ill. The conversation that followed was not an easy one as I had to tenderly share pointers about managing the care arrangements, navigating relationships and what he should consider when she passes on. I was glad to share what I shared. His mum had since passed on.

• Another old (perhaps my oldest) friend, shared about his mum's bad fall and how she broke her wrist and shoulder.  It came as a surprise cos his mum had been a very careful and independent person. And to hear of her fall, I can imagine how difficult it must have been for her, and for him.

• I met up with a couple of colleague turned friend turned coaching client over the last 3 days. And for some reasons, the conversations were all rather intense. But I noted that the themes were quite similar - what are the causes of their current tensions, how to define their future self, and what they must do as they navigate their journey to realise their future self. Such conversations are not easy as it requires a whole lot of EQ to call out things which, if delivered wrongly, could sound offensive.

And today is only Wednesday... I am already feeling drained, but on the other hand, I am glad I could support these friends in ways that are meaningful to them. It is also perhaps an opportune time to do so as they move towards closing this year.

Turning 58

I turned 58 yesterday. I had wanted it to be a quiet day of reflection and me-time. After all, it was to be my first birthday as a single person. But my birthday turned out to be more eventful than I thought. Here're some things that kinda shaped my birthday this year:

• I had a dinner treat from a friend on my birthday eve. I had not expect him to remember its my birthday but he did... so sweet of him. We ended the evening with a nice slow walk along the Changi Point park connector.

• I got a message from KS (a junior college friend of mine). He was my closest friend back then and we re-connected some 15-20 years ago. We have, since, exchange birthday and festive greetings annually. It always feel warm to get his messages.

• I received a "Happy Birthday" from my recent ex early in the morning. I half suspected he would do so and I graciously replied "Thank you". What I did not expect was his following message asking if I would be free for dinner this weekend. I did not reply. I may be gracious to thank him but I am not about to put myself through the experience of having to spend awkward moments with someone who chose to break off a relationship for his own self-centric reasons.

• The group of friends whom I mentioned about, the ones who gravitated to my ex after our breakup... well, they have arranged for a dinner this week. And despite turning them down politely, they have self-co-ordinated a time and insisted that I turn up for the dinner. I felt bad not to accept their invite.

• Received a large number of birthday greetings from friends, ex-colleagues, family and relatives, etc. Thankful they recalled my birthday although I must say it is not something I had expected as their wishes do not define our relationship. Then again, it just felt warm when I received their messages. 

• An ex-military colleague, whom I do not know personally, had been sending me festive and birthday greetings annually without fail. I have always been curious why he makes the effort to do so as there was absolutely no reasons to do so. Then again, I have come to the point of accepting it as a norm now.

• There were a few who did not wish me, and I felt uneasy with their silence as they had been doing so without fail over the decades. One sent a belated greeting this morning and he explained that he had been busy with his mum's funeral that happened yesterday (which I kinda suspected), another mentioned he was sick, my second sis kept quiet (and I kinda expect her to be so cos I had boycotted and avoided her over the last 3 months), etc... 

The above capped my 58th birthday. On the whole, it was a rather simple but nice and easy day with friends, hiking (and a nice birthday brunch treat) at the central catchment area, went for a medical review with my cardiologist, and had a nice evening with someone whom I just got to know not too long ago, etc. Perhaps that's what birthdays are supposed to be - no stress, just chill and do what appeals to me most.

Celebrating normality

Went for my heart review yesterday as a follow up to the scans I did 2 weeks ago. 

The review was over in just five minutes, with the senior consultant systematically running through the scan report, point by point. He concluded by congratulating me on having a heart that is functioning normally, noting that there is no blockage in the stent - or in any of the other arteries.

So yes, this is perhaps the best gift I could receive as I turn 58. It’s truly welcome news and a powerful reminder of how much we take our bodies for granted. "Functioning normally" may sound ordinary, but such normality is absolutely critical.

Hurray?

I did it!

I have passed my credential exams and am now a qualified coach! 

It's a very nice and fitting end to my "year of reinvention" where I had placed the focus on getting myself certified for a new skillset that I can leverage in the years ahead. And I supposed this is a good and nice early birthday and Christmas present for myself. Nothing beats celebrating myself at the end of the year!

Super happy about it!

I am Hulk

I am Hulk. Well, not exactly. I will not become green, bulky and gigantic when agitated; but I am currently radioactive! (although I don’t mind certain parts of my body to grow exponentially larger when emotionally charged)! Haha!

You see, I had several heart-related issues over the last quarter and the doctor ordered a myocardial perfusion imaging (MPI) scan for me. The procedure, that will be done in 2 parts, requires the injection of a small amount of radioactive chemical into my blood stream. This is to allow the blood vessels around the heart to show up with the scan is done. I had just completed the first scan today, and the second will be done on this Thursday morning. And to be cautious, I am not to interact with pregnant women and/ or children within 24-hours after the scan. 

So yes, I am radioactive! And stay away from me, at least until Friday! You wouldn’t want to experience me when I grow large (ya, right)! Lol!

Ps: but on serious note, I wonder if a person who has just gone through the scan is able to engage in sex after the procedure. And if he does, what is the risk to his sex partner, considering there will likely be exchanges of bodily fluids! Just asking :-) 

My friends, his friends

I used to be very close to my ex-colleagues and their partners - we even called ourselves “family.” My ex-colleagues affectionately referred to me as “Baba,” and we spent almost every weekend together. We played mahjong, travelled, celebrated birthdays, and marked all the major festivities as a group. When my ex became part of my life, he naturally became an integral part of this “family.” We had a shared WhatsApp group that included all of us and our partners. Over time, due to their similar ages, my ex grew close enough to form a separate WhatsApp group with my ex-colleagues. 

When we broke up, I texted the group and asked them to support him since he was alone in the country. To give myself the space to grieve, I excused myself from the chat. Now, I am essentially no longer part of the group. My friends and their partners have largely distanced themselves and only reach out when they need something, like dog-sitting. From what I see on their Instagram stories, it’s clear they (and my ex) hang out regularly. In effect, I’ve lost my closest friends to him - a bitter pill to swallow. 

I feel hurt and betrayed, especially during moments of loneliness when I crave companionship. Perhaps the age gap between me and my ex-colleagues played a role after all. But I remind myself that this is an opportunity to explore what it truly means to be me. It’s a chance to rediscover myself and build new connections. It won’t be easy - it’s exhausting as an introvert - but it’s something I must do. Maybe 2025 can be my year to focus on rediscovering and re-establishing myself, both personally and professionally. 

P.S. Finding company for dinner every day isn’t easy, and it’s probably something many people take for granted.