2012 - year of frustrations

i've decided to christen 2012 - a year of frustrations. and it certainly was so from every single fronts. and for my reflections this year-end, i have decided to do something more. i will also include liners with regards how i want to see things happen in the coming year. it is something i have never done before cos i felt it is very contrived. but really, after reflecting and writing, i think this perhaps is the way new year's resolutions could be meaningfully crafted. and to lend focus, i shall highlight all these in blue and i will sum them up at the end of my posting. so, here's a run down on the details of this frustrating year.

family

as in all years, family life has it's ups and downs. and the frustrating thing is - that there were a lot a lot more downs compared to ups. and i say this primarily due to my mum. as the primary caregiver with minimal assistance from my siblings other than some financial help towards the end of the year, i had to face all the negativity in the house created by her alone. i have been the single receiving-end of all her old age problems. and a lot of my life has also been adjusted, both directly and indirectly as a result of her nonsense. if it had not been for the fact that she is my mum, i would have used the 'f' word through and through. notably, the trend has been downwards for me in all fronts ever since she came over to live with me middle 2011. and this year, apart from the increased frequency of hospitalizations and medical appointments, time and efforts had been committed to look after her increasingly demanding needs so much so until i have no more life, and at times fallen sick. no, i am not complaining for it is a responsibility that i have to do, but i seriously think it is timely to reframe and re-look at (1) how i see her, considering she is no longer a "normal" person now that her mental capacities has deteriorated, and (2) how i should also focus on giving myself a better balanced life in order to continue to look after and provide for her. and as far as my siblings are concerned, things remained rather stable. my eldest sis continue to avoid me. on my second sis and my bro front, things looked generally ok. my bro has a new baby son and things are looking good for him. that is good. moving ahead, i do want to continue to build on the good relationships with my bro and my second sis. as for my eldest sis, i can only hope for the best.

bee

my relationship with bee is into our 8th year. and this year was extra challenging and frustrating for both of us. not just becos of mum, which ended with him eventually not staying over at my place. the demise of bee's dad, the purchase of a new flat, and the eventual moving in to the new place all provided the challenges that bee faced too. and this contributed just as much to the lesser time that we have for each other. in fact, at one stage, the only times we could get to see each other was during the half/ one hour in the evenings at my place car park as mum was paranoid about his presence and suspected that his mum was out to kill her in an attempt to take over my property and my monies (wtf right?).  also, i had several tensions and frustrations with him and this was largely due to his frequent last minute overseas trips. logic tells me it is not quite possible to schedule a series of overseas trips today and go tomorrow. this considering the fixing of itinerary, the buying of air tickets, the flight admin, etc. but it happened a couple of times this year, and many a times coinciding with super long weekends and public holidays. frankly, i did suspect he was seeing someone given that every time he goes overseas, he went on radio silence and i had different friends texting me asking if we had broken off as they saw him having holidays with his "friend" overseas. but he always insisted it was only for work. well, there is nothing much i could do but to live on with this added stress and frustration. as it stands, we end the year with him settling in nicely in his new place and our meeting has somewhat stabilized with dinners every other days. as for his overseas travels, he had indicated that he will be more open about it. moving ahead, i would like to be able to increase spending quality time with him. and i do hope that he can fulfill his promise to be more open with me with regards his work and his schedule. if a relationship were to work, both pairs of hands need to clap. i can be and have been very open about my life to him, he will have to play his part.

sapphie
as per last year, i will write a few liners for sapphie. she turned 12 this year (84 years in human-year terms). she has been very good this year. frankly, if any, apart from bee, she has been the only very stable and very loyal member of the family that was with me throughout this whole ordeal with my mum. of cos there were occasions where i got angry with her, but those were insignificant compared to the comfort she gave me. and for that, i am thankful to her. perhaps there are many things we human can learn from her - not to say things that hurt (not that she can), not to pass judgment, love unconditionally, stay by the side of the master... all the things that we humans want but always find it quite impossible to do, all becos of our stupid gap and our ego. so, if there is one thing i can do for her, i would like to give her more quality time and to bring her out as often as i possibly could in the coming year.

personal life
my personal life, defined as time for myself to do what i wanted to do and to go out with people i am close to, was almost nonexistent this year, well, apart from the moments i got from work to take a breather by the pool. it was frustrating not only for me but also for my friends as they often could not arrange to meet or if arranged, to be cancelled last minute due to mum's tantrums. so, due to the fact that i had to keep time with mum, my personal life outside work-time literally disappeared. and other than the couple of office-related compulsory events that i need to attend, i can really not remember how many times i actually spend out with my friends. and on the few occasions i managed to get time for, my minds would be worrying about how she would react when i reach home. also, many a times, she would insist on waiting for me before she sleeps and that means, i have to rush home before 9.30/10pm if i ever get to go out of the house. other than that, my personal time with any friends or bee, for that matter, without having to think twice about mum was only possible when she was hospitalized. this is something i think i will have to allocate more time and efforts towards in the coming year. it is something i need to do to put balance back to my life.

spiritual life
it would be a glaring gap if i did not reflect a bit about my religious believes here. frankly, i had not spend much time doing volunteer work nor attending dharma talks this year. for that matter, even the 3-steps-1-bow ceremony that i attend annually was cancelled in the very last minute due to inclement weather. nonetheless, buddhism has been, and will continue to be, an important part of me and my life. somehow through all the down times this years, for reasons that i could only attribute to divine blessings (which i usually do not subscribe to), i consistently am blessed with moments of encouragements, clarity and guidance. these came in the form for encouragements from friends, bloggers, family members, emails, books, etc... i will continue to practice buddhism well.

friends & significant personalities

if any, amongst all the various groups of people i will write on, friends are perhaps the only group of people that remained relatively stable this year. well, i supposed they have their own lives to live and it did not really matter if my mum created problems for me or not. but really, i do appreciate them for asking about her, for being concerned about her well-being and mine, and in the process gave me the mental, emotional support that i needed so much. in all seriousness, i believe friends are the only ones that would see me (or for that matter, us gay people in general) through in our lives. and much as i do not like to do it, i think i could categorize these friends into close friends (straight/ glbt), general friends, close colleagues, bloggers broadly. of cos, these are not mutually exclusive. let me write a bit about some of these groups of people...

firstly, close friends (straight). i would include my long time friends as well as uni friends as "close friends". most of them are straight, hence my awkward grouping of my close friends into straights and glbts. they were constantly in the know of my situation and have constantly asked about my well-being.  similarly for my closer glbt friends (including people like thomas, sam, ming, gavin, karsten, my gay-friendly tee and his mrs-to-be and so on), i am thankful to them for the constant encouragements and support. regrettably, the time available with them was affected as a directed result of my mum's condition but what we did to overcome this include having them come over to my place for barbecues as well as meeting up for lunches instead of dinners. i do really appreciate their care and concern and do want to increase the interaction opportunities with them in the coming year.

as for close colleagues, these are some of the immediate group of people that worked with me. they were part of my team and a significant lot of personality of my inner circle at work. they have been very supportive to me throughout the last 2 years and especially so during the final few weeks of my work and even after i left. interestingly, a couple of them referred me as their spiritual teacher, their mentor, friend, etc. they might not have know it, but their presence and constant emails/ smses were a constant source of encouragement for me throughout the year. i wish them well in the years to come and will continue to keep in contact with them. who knows, in future, we might become very close friends.

and of cos, for the group of people that i would generally refer to as bloggers and friends in the blogosphere, such as perth, natkean, dilbert, ladybird, tuls, leonut, harry, edwin, steve, sharks, malimo, soul, aiden, germs (who is also a uni close friend), jason, joker-jason, ooi, zach, dazza, river, wanderer, savante, yenyl, sam, chinese prick, and many more... thank you for being a part of my life this year. you guys probably did not know nor appreciate the amount of support and encouragement you gave to me this year when you made a comment in my blog or when you emailed me. as i had mentioned many times previously, blogging has been a very important way for me to manage my stress. blogging is highly therapeutic to me and i blog more when i feel stressed up. and your comments and views as i undertake this blogging journey are most appreciated. i will continue to treasure your friendship (albeit a cyber one) and will continue to blog moving ahead.

health

2012 will go down history as the year where i was hospitalized on 1 jan of the year. i had my fair share of pains as a result of kidney stones. also, the year started with me being diagnosed (officially) with depression and was put on fluvoxamin eventually. added to that, i suffered months of mouth ulcers that never seemed to heal. eventually, after some trial and errors, i managed to trace the cause of the mouth ulcers - fluvoxamin. interesting, cos it meant i either suffer the pains of mouth ulcers or get the effects of depressions. ultimately, i decided to stop fluvoxamin. as for managing my depression, it was not easy, but i have to constantly remind myself to see things positively. and this is something i will have to constantly remind myself again, moving into the next year. other than that, issues relating to my back, shoulder, arms, etc continue to irked me and i have, since the last quarter of the year, started intensive chiropractic treatment to arrest the issue. let's see how things goes for 2013, hopefully, the chiropractic treatment will yield good results. but to be able to sustain my health, i should exercise more regularly moving ahead.

work

similar to 2011, work was one of the key frustration this year. ok, to put things in better perspective, the work was ok, it was the people that created all the stress. without elaborating too much on the people factor, all i can say is that, as a result of change in personnel in the senior management, there was a lot of blame pushing and politicking. and for me, a level lower, i had to end up handling the different downstream after-effects. it was a tough and utterly frustrating year being pulled in all different directions and yet having to deal with hostile and often unco-operative colleagues. amidst all these, somehow the picture that was painted to my big big boss (to deflect blame for some senior-level mismanagement and self-interest amongst some colleagues) was that i had problems managing things in my unit due to my depression, my mother, etc (although all these were corrected and put in perspective after i left and my big big boss apologized for it). eventually i took a step back, looked at the big picture and decided that this company is not one that i see myself working for in the longer run. i threw in my resignation letter in aug and left the company in oct this year.

i had chalked up 2 plus years of experience and i think this should be reasonable enough for me to qualify as "having corporate experience" moving ahead. i end the year jobless but not hopeless. in 2013, i will get a job, and i will find one that i am comfortable with. life is too short to constantly be played by people and subjected to bosses politicking, tempers and unreasonable whims and fancies.

conclusion

the year 2012 has been more than frustrating for me on all fronts. i am blessed to have people rally around me, both real people as well as online friends. looking at my reflections, it seemed clear to me that if i can manage my mum better, and in a more balanced way, all fronts should be better. as i look forward, let me summarize the things that i have highlighted in blue above. these, if i may, will help me focus my life in 2013. although, some are without hard targets, i could in a way, call them my resolutions for 2013.

• mum - i will continue to look after and provide for her
• siblings - i will build on the good relationships with them 
• bee - i will increase spending quality time with him
• sapphie - i will give her more quality time
• personal life - i will lead a more balanced life
• spiritual life - i will continue to practice buddhism well
• friends & close colleagues - i will increase interaction opportunities with them
• bloggers - i will continue to blog and share my story from my perspective
• health - i will be more positive and i will exercise regularly
• work - i will get a job

so... yup, all said and done, despite the endless frustrations this year, i end 2012 on a positive note with a clarity of what i want to achieve in 2013. i look forward to 2013 positively.

i can only now leave with a wish for everyone to be happy, healthy and contented for the coming year.

HAPPY 2013.

:-)

rain & i

i have been running in the rain these couple of days. you see, i enjoy being in the rain. there is something about the rain that i have never wrote about, something very magical, energizing and sexy. 

ever since i was a boy, playing with mud in the rain had been something i thoroughly enjoy, but of cos i seldom get to do it given that the tight reign my mum had over me. in my teens, being in the rain was a common thing especially when i was in the national cadet corps. that was where i had fun doing my navigation, training, marching, etc. 

my relationship with the rain continued into my army/ national service days where training in the rain was very common. it was the days before the so called lightning risk management came into force (nowadays when there is a risk of lightning, all outdoor activities would have to be halted). incidentally, singapore is one of the highest lightning risk in the world. that was in my 20s and early 30s. those days, whenever it rained, i would quickly put on my running shoes and head out to the beach to run. the thing about running in the rain is that it keeps your body cool and you can go longer distance. i will forever remember how the rain kept me fit during those years. once, i wore off 5 pairs of running shoes in a year just running in the rain!

interestingly, running in the rain was also a way i kept myself sane. rain has this special effect of clearing my mind. not to mention the sexiness one could feel when one is in the rain. the feel of the droplets on the head, and the flow of the rain down my body gives this very cathartic feel, and not forgetting, the feel of sexiness - you know, the wet t-shirt feel, and the feel of water flowing into one's underwear (if one is wearing one, hahaha). ok, back to my point about catharsis. being in the rain and feeling it flow down my body somehow makes it feel like it is also washing away my troubles and my problems. in the mid-late-90s when i just came out and met with many relationship issues, i remembered clearly how i would run in the rain and how i would cry as i run. it was rather dramatic, thinking back. but yup, that was those memorable years. 

rain was also an interesting part of my 20s-30s where i used to nude tan at the beach. back then, there was this large stretch of isolated beach along the eastern coast of singapore where many gay men frequent to tan in the nude. and given that the beach is a distant away from any "civilization", many would construct their own shelters and hide under it once it rained. but of cos, it was not a good idea to do so over a prolonged period given the usually shabby shelter that could hardly keep one dry and the cold that one would experience. and that was where the sea came in nicely. you see, whenever it rains, the seawater would be really warm. and so, many nude tanners would save themselves from the cold by staying in the seawater. and you can imagine the amount of things that can happen between 2 persons in the warm seawater... 

haha...

picture from http://kim-thenextphase.blogspot.sg/2011/05/right-to-bare.html

job hunt

after waiting for two months, i hope to hear some news from the company that had indicated that they will only be making hiring decision after 1 jan 2013. well... let's see how things go. after 4 rounds of interviews, i can only wait and hope for the best.

when they told me of this, i was rather disappointed. the last one month plus have been rather unsettling insofar as job hunt is concerned. yup, some of my hr friends told me to just enjoy myself and that there should be no issue with regards clinching the job, but being a rather worrier, i could not help but stay mentally stressed up. also, i have been doing what some of my other friends advised - that is to continue job-hunting - although i have not done it rather intensely. so... time passed rather fast. before i know it, 2013 is in front of me. so, give and take one two weeks, i hope to be able to get some news with regards any development in the hiring by the company.

wish me luck people!

trends in mum's behavior

this is what i observed as a trend in mum's behaviour...

in the morning, she would wake up about 4-5am. make her own milo and take her medication. by the time i wake up about 7.30-8am, i always notice she would always behave in a very weird manner. either she would throw tantrums, have emotional swings, etc. or the very least, give me black face. 

in the day, she would be in the world of her own when she is in the house. often, she would take out her rosary and chant. or else, she would phone my siblings almost non-stop (much to their displeasure). otherwise, when she is in the rehabilitation center, she would be mentally engaged and things will be ok.

in the late afternoon, she would be generally ok. quite normal. her usual routine of bathing, self-grooming, etc kicks in.

in the evening, she would generally become normal. 

and i would keep her evening routine as lengthy as possible so as to tire her out mentally before i administer her her medication at about 9.30/ 10pm. after that, she would sleep.

from this trend, i think there is a need to review her morning doses of her medication... 

mum's "weird"

well, i am about to start to write about the year... my annual reflection. that would be published this evening before the end of the day. but before that, i would like to write about mum. 

past few days have been terribly challenging with her tantrums and her mood changes. so following the ruckus she created 2 days ago, i decided to cool things off and leave her alone. in another words, avoid her unless absolutely necessary. and she has somewhat stabilized. a little weird in her behavior as i observed today, but generally stabilized. here's what happened last 2 days...

yesterday, i decided to avoid her. woke up, just acknowledged her, gave her her medication and that's it. asked her if she wanted to have breakfast, but as expected, she didn't want to, saying that she would be eating plain porridge for lunch instead. and she asked me to buy her rice to cook. kinda weird cos i had thrown away the all rice and the rice pot previously. but i kept quiet. i did what i usually would not do. i left her alone, went to the market and had breakfast with bee. and i bought her the rice as requested. and before i left, i asked if she needed me to get some vegetables. no, she insisted, she simply wanted to eat plain porridge. this, to me is a sign of abnormality cos she had previously staged protests by eating plain porridge. also, she believed that by doing so, she can ward off some evil spells that she thinks exists in the house. i left it as it is.

anyway, i knew she could not do without me insofar as cooking is concerned. previously, with the rice pot, she could cook. now, with the rice pot gone, she had to use the gas stove. and that is where things are beyond her. she didn't know how to switch on the fire. (this is an important thing to note when you have old people in the house, don't ever let them touch fire. they will burn the house down as they have the tendency to forget about it). and after some futile attempts, she asked me for matches and/ or fire starter gun (not too sure what it is called, but you should know what i mean). i told her to let me do it and she had not choice. 

i took over the pot and noted she had placed less than a handful of rice grains in it. totally not enough for herself, if i may say. i added some more and cooked the porridge for her. and i cut some century eggs for her and left the plate of plain porridge and century eggs on the table. she finished everything and did the washing up herself. i stayed in the room whole day. and she left me alone too. i went out of the house for a run and she didn't bothered (which is not normal cos she would often asks a lot of things when i leave the house). i didn't care. i just did what i wanted to do. 

and by evening, she proceeded to cook her own porridge again. once again, she asked me for matches. i ended up cooking for her. and this time round, i asked her if i should get some dishes for her. she agreed. well, some form of normality finally. in the end, bee came over and got the dishes as well as my dinner for me. and after dinner, i casually asked if she wanted to go out for some shopping. and she agreed. the day ended with her being "normal" again...

today, it started very interestingly too. i woke up, went to the living room, acknowledged her and went ahead to prepare her medication for her. and she asked me: "where did xxx (me) go? he didn't come back for the night right?" hmmm... abnormal again. well, one more day to manage...

sk-ii again!

i must be getting noticeably old - if the birthday gifts i received this year are of any indications, that is.

you see, james (my ex) dropped by on christmas day to pick sapphie for his annual christmas party. this is an annual thing for him (less last year). and guess what? he passed me a pack of sk-ii facial treatment mask pack. happy birthday he said. it was quite a surprise. totally unexpected, considering he had not given me any presents over the past few years. but yeah, it felt good that he remembered (although he did not sms me like previous years). 

and just so coincidentally yesterday, even though i did not attend the dinner, my uni friends got me a big bottle of the sk-ii facial treatment essence (sheng qi shui, toint toint... lol!)... but well, i was not really surprised cos they had pre-empted me about it. we have been friends long enough to be open about such things or for that matter, give vouchers - very practical. haha! and today, one of them text me this - wish you will grow ever more radiant...

shine shine...

haha!

ps: then again, with a face that looks like i kenah run over back and forth, and back and forth again (and again) by a lorry, no amount of magic essence can smoothen it... lol! (of cos, i am not bitter about it, it is all part of aging and it is a fact of life that i happily accept)

picture of essence from http://www1.bloomingdales.com/
picture of mask from http://www.cosmeticsclub.co.uk/

of cock, balls & theories part 2

in my previous post i shared parts of a nonsensical conversation between bee and i while we were lazing in bed surfing the net and uttering nonsense. here's part 2...

me: but my ball have not grown bigger what?

bee: then i think your cock have not grown smaller. but i can make it bigger...

xxx...

lol!

of cock, balls & newton's law

the previous posts have been very negative. not the way to end the year. here's something more positive and light-hearted... it was one of those little nonsensical conversation between bee & i as we laze in bed...

me: in all seriousness, do you think my cock has grown smaller?

bee: in all seriousness, i think your balls have grown bigger...

lol! newton's law of relativity (well, at least the relativity part) applies here too!!! ok ok, i am talking nonsense at this time of the morning...

why am i glad i am gay

if according to mum's logic, getting married is to have a loved one look after you when you are old, then, based on what i am experiencing with her now, i am one helluva glad i am gay.

the logic is totally flawed from my perspective. as an elderly person, it is bad enough that i am suffering the illness, the tensions, the stress, etc. so, please don't let another person whom i love so dearly suffer as a result of me.

and if being gay allows me to rid myself of this burden, then, i'll gladly be one. not that i have a choice.

and no, i am not complaining that life is not fair. it is a fact that i have accepted. 

just a thought.

positive thoughts

interestingly whenever i have any major tensions, i will come in contact with something positive. and often, actually, all the time, these positive things would be buddhistic in nature.

today, with all the tensions with mum, i actually stood at the balcony intending to jump. for that moment, it sounded so wonderful to be able to just end it all and then let her live and die a horrible death knowing she had killed her own son. yup, that was what went through my mind. anyway, i did not do it (or i wouldn't be typing this now). i went back to my bedroom and turned on my computer. interestingly, as i clicked onto my email, a mail came in. it was from a buddhist site that i had subscribed to. well, i couldn't recall much of what i read, but it went something about being clear about what one is doing. that one shouldn't be blinded by one's actions. for when a mind is clouded, an action that seemed right may actually not be so...

is this is sign? is this a sign that i should be seeing things in a more balanced way? that my mum is a sickly person and that i should learn to let her go? that i should not be bothered and flustered by her nonsense? 

i should reflect on this.

:-)

dinner plans dashed

my uni friends had all arranged for a dinner tonight to celebrate those borned in dec. and of cos that would include me and another lady friend. and considering the fact that i am looking after my mum, they have also extended the dinner to her... but with mum going cranky today, i have decided to pull out of the dinner. but they were so nice as to want to cancel the restaurant reservation and have a gathering at my house instead. 

then again, mum resisted and went on her journey of self-pity... woes to me, i only wish my parents are still around, my children don't want me... she went on and on. and when told of my friends intention to change plan and to have dinner at home, she changed her tones and started to say how she would lock herself in, avoid them, that she is no use to us, la la la... i politely turned my friends down. bee is with them now and have asked him to advice them against coming to my place.

now back to my mum. stubborn as she is, i have tried many a times to give her food, to give her water, to make her bed, etc... but she was just in the self-pity mode. decided to call my sis to pay us a visit. and she got her dinner. and guess what, after sis left, she went into her self-pity mode again and kept to her room. i wanna sleep. she insisted. but instead of sleeping, she just laid on her mattress and kept peeping at me when i walk pass her room. well, in the end, i decided to just play the game her way. i decided to retire to bed. it was only 6.45pm, but what the heck. you wanna sleep, i will sleep too. and so, i prepared her medication for her. it must have surprised her for she asked why and insisted that her medication time is 9pm. ok, i said, i shall leave it on the table. take it when the time is up. as for me, i am going into my bedroom to sleep.

and as it stands now (half hour after retiring into my room), she has crept out of her bedroom and gone to the living room to watch tv. i supposed my plan to get her out of her room is working... but aiyah... i am helluva hungry now. i have not taken a morsel of food since morning... never mind, i'll just drink some water and sleep my hunger off...

now, the issue is - i am not sleepy! 

hahaha!

what to do?

everywhere i go, everyone i spoke with told me i needed to get a domestic helper to help take care of mum. this was the same input given by the rehab center, by the hospital, by my bro, by the hawker uncle, by my friends, by my neighbours, etc. and i think they are right cos my mum is really robbing me of my life. everything i do these days are centered around her. and after quitting my job, all my time are committed to her and her well-being. yet despite all the efforts, i end up getting her black face and her venting day in and day out. i am really going crazy. now, let's review the reasons why i had resisted getting a domestic helper. 

it was becos my mum had paranoia and delusion. thus, she has this constant suspicion and fear of people that she is not familiar with. for that matter, even for people she is familiar with, but not considered her immediate family members (read - her children), she has this deep suspicion about them. when she stayed with my bro, we had a domestic help looked after her. but over time, she suspected the domestic help of using black magic on her, she even suspected my domestic help of conniving with my sis-in-law to kill her. so much so that she went berserk - yes, she was no different from a totally crazy screaming woman - asking to leave the house immediately one evening while i was still at work. 

my brother was at his wits-end and wanted to send her to the mental asylum. he called me to help and i had to rush to his house to talk to her. that was how she landed in my house a year and a half ago. and since then, she had stayed with me. during this year and a half, she had plucked the door peep hole, locked every door that can be locked when she is at home, closed every window that can be close at night. i have had many occasions where she went crazy for no particular reasons other than her paranoia and delusion. she imagines she sees things. she imagines people are out to harm and kill her. when she first came over, bee stayed with me half the week. but over time, she also got suspicious of bee, accusing him and his mum (for god knows why) of wanting to kill her. and that was how bee stopped staying with me. and for that matter, she also suspects my movements for she asks me non-stop what i was doing whenever i leave her sight when i was at home. 

it is precisely becos of all these that i had resisted having another person in the house and end up having to manage her alone. am i wrong? should i proceed and get a domestic help? everyone seemed to think so. but everyone is not aware of how suspicious she can be and her over-the-top behaviour. i am very certain she will end up suspecting the domestic help will want to kill her too. but other than this, what other solutions are there? medically, the doctors have adjusted her medications. and other than her mental issues, she also has the respiratory issues, her pain management issues, her internal medicine issues, etc...

what should i do?

frustrating

it is fucking frustrating to have a mum throwing tantrums at you every morning for no good reasons. and all you can do is to keep convincing yourself that she is an old person who has mental issues and to keep going at it, keeping things in order, cleaning up after her mess, cleaning the urine all over, cleaning the soiled bedsheets, getting her her needs, and so on... and all the time trying to keep a straight, or a smily face. and she just go on having her mood swings and going on hunger strikes...

she has been at it for the past few weeks and today is the worst. last night, she was still ok, but this morning, woke up to her black face and her usual food avoidance. and despite trying to coax her about taking some thing, she insisted she was not hungry. anyway, managed to hold on for the whole morning after cleaning and mopping the house off her pee. at about lunchtime, i sat on the sofa and said that it needed some cleaning as it has a strong urine smell. that is when she accused me of being unhappy to have her staying in my place. and since then, she had been crying non-stop...

hmmm... what the fuck am i supposed to do? 

twitching eye

for whatever reasons, my lower left eyelid has been twitching on and off for the last week and it feels very uncomfortable. if chinese superstitions were true, a huge misfortune should be coming my way. but of cos, i am not superstitious. whatever good or bad is my own doing, basic principle of karma. so in my case of twitching eye, i think it was likely due to insufficient or bad rest or stress. and yes, i have been waking up on an hourly basis every night these days for unknown reasons. that should be the cause for my bad rest.

hmmm, i should try to get more quality sleep. perhaps, i should minimize surfing the net before i sleep, get myself tired by doing more exercises. and perhaps, try to do some meditation to relax myself before bedtime. and yes, i should not place my handphone beside me when i sleep! 

:-)

ps: i found out that twitching eye is also called myokymia. you can read more about it here...

pictures from http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/eye%20twitch?before=43

bird shit!

there i was, seated in the middle of a huge recently refurbished covered hawker center having my lunch... and i felt something dropped onto my shoulder. i looked up... the whole ceiling with criss-crossing beams was empty except for one single mynah.

and the mynah just shat on me! lol!

am i lucky or unlucky or what?!

ps: when i tell my friends about this, all of them asked me to buy 4d (local lottery)! lol!

pps: if you ask me what-the-fuck has flipper heels gotta do with bird shit. well, that was my exact same reaction when it landed on me - wtf! lol!

picture from http://www.4us2be.com/health-fitness/natural-common-cold-remedies/

r.i.p milo

as a dog lover and a dog owner, it is sad to hear of another dog's death... especially one that is untimely.

in the neighbouring block, there is a family who has a brown jack russell by the name of milo. and like all jack russells, milo was a hyperactive dog. i got to know milo in the early 2000s when i walked sapphie (when she was a little puppy). at that time, milo's owners (2 kids - a little boy and his elder sister) would always bring him down to the carpark to play. and over time, they got to know sapphie and they would always come up to my floor to taunt sapphie. it was part of their game to see who could make sapphie bark loudest. it has been more than a decade. milo should be 12 years old this year, just like sapphie. and the little boy and his sister has now grown up. the boy has recently completed his national service and his sister is now working. i noted that they do not bring milo to the car park anymore and i suspect their playtime with milo is now restricted to the little time they have at home, as they busy themselves with their young adult lives.

last week, as i made my way to the park for a jog, i noticed a signage at the rear gate. it said "dog by the name of milo missing". i recognized the picture. it was milo alright. from the date stated, milo had been missing for a week. it must have been quite a trauma to the family, i thought. and 2 days back, i met the little boy (now a young man), hi uncle he called out. merry christmas! he wished me. i asked about milo. and with his head a little bowed he said. my mum left the house door open and he ran away. and a couple of days later, a maid told us that a dog was ran over by a car at the road. we suspected it was milo from the description. sighs. super sad right? a member of the family, ran away and killed and they did not even get to see the dead body. i would have been terribly upset if this happened to sapphie! anyway, the young man quickly added - well, we will be getting a now dog soon. and off he went.

rest in peace, milo.

:-(

picture from http://cinnamonbunzuh.blogspot.sg

merry gay christmas

and of cos, here's wishing all my gay friends a mary mary christmas!

have fun!

ps: pictures were send to me by my friends (including girls)! haha!

merry christmas

it's the time of the year to celebrate christmas. christmas is christian festival to commemorate the birth of jesus christ. but regardless of religious denominations, let's celebrate the season of love and joy together. celebrate the common areas, respect the differences and love each other like a family. that is the way to achieve everlasting peace.

wishing everyone a merriest christmas! may all sentient beings be happy during this season of joy and love!

picture from http://www.examiner.com/article/buddhism-and-the-christmas-season

hiv poz

a friend of mine just told me he is hiv poz. 

well, frankly, i took it rather well and simply asked him if he is managing ok. it has been 3 years he said. and he has been celibate since then.  and we carried on the conversation like as though it was just another conversation topic. he acknowledged that if there is anyone to blame, it would be he himself. no one else. and he seemed rather resigned to it... the conversation went on for a while and we ended as per all normal conversation. i supposed i am glad that he has taken it rather well. not that he has a choice. but inside me, i felt sad. sad for a fact that he has gone through quite a lot of injustice in life and now he had to cap it off with an hiv infection. 

whatever it is, i really appreciate the fact that he trusted me enough to share this very sensitive piece of news. he can be assured i will keep it secret. he will always be my dear friend. hiv or not. i wish him well. i really do.

sighs...

kiasu aunties!

was at a local supermarket to do some grocery shopping this morning and witnessed first hand 2 kiasu  (local slang for "afraid of losing") aunties...

you see, i had done my shopping and had made my way to the cashier. there were a couple of queues at the cashier counter and the queue i was in was about 7-8 long. i was fourth in the line and an ah ma holding half a basket of items in front of me. in front of the ah ma stood a middle aged man with an item in his hand. he was the next to pay for his things. in the next queue, a woman hurriedly crossed over to pass her stuff (also one item) to the middle aged man when she noted the queue was faster. sighs, apparently, this was a couple who had 2 items and each had taken one item to queue at different queues... f-ing kiasu people! it is often such double, triple queuing that makes queues look super long.

anyway, behind me was another auntie (let's call her auntie b). auntie b kept making that "tserk" sound when she saw the woman crossed queue. her constant "tserking" was so loud it was impossible not to know she was very unhappy. so yup, you can imagine how tense and unfriendly the whole atmosphere was. added to this, auntie b kept leaving the queue to take a look at how many items people in other queues were buying. she was obviously trying to cut queue! just then, a new store assistant came over and opened a new cashier counter. seeing this, auntie b rushed from my queue to the newly opened cashier counter. she was one helluva rude for she pushed her way across another queue and didn't bother if she hit people with her groceries. and people around her gave her unfriendly stares.

and just as auntie b was about to reach the queue...

... she was intercepted by another uncle with a cart filled with items to the brim. 

orbigood!

hahaha!

the wedding banquet

went for my ex-staff's wedding banquet yesterday. it was good. good to see everyone in the unit again. and i certainly had a good time catching up with everyone. but what was interesting was the flood of emotions that i experienced...

• firstly, impatience. after having gone through so many weddings, i admit i felt somewhat impatient when the whole process unfold, the wedding march, the showing of the video clip, the toasting, etc... such processes has somewhat become a `routine' for weddings and wedding dinners. and i have to constantly remind myself that it is the couple's day and that what they do is for themselves and we are there to be part of the celebrations. 
• secondly, wayang/ waste of time/ childish. when they showed the video clip of how the bridesmaids made the bridegroom and his team of bestman do all sorts of antics before he could be allowed to see the bride, i thought, omg, what a waste of time and how bluddy childish these people are! the inclusion of these antics was a recent phenomena and was never a part of the custom. so, being a traditionalist, i was never an advocate of such games.
• thirdly, meaningful. i noted the many traditional practices such as setting up of the altar, the paying respects to the ancestors, the exchange of ang pows between the groom and the ku kia, etc. these, i thought was rather meaningful.  
• and last but not least, old. everyone at the wedding dinner looked so young. kiddish, for that matter! and i was reminded that my cousin's son had also recently gotten married. and with that realization, i felt somewhat old...

haha... so much for all these emotions and thoughts that went through my mind. end of the day, it is about how the bride and the groom commemorate their day. what was important was that the mix of traditional and less traditional items in the whole day meant something to them as well as to their elders. 

:-)

picture from http://www.123rf.com/photo_12123475_double-happiness-symbol.html

sniff sniff

i really hate it when it comes to the year-end period, especially the months after sep. this is the period where i will fall sick. and this year is no different. as to why sep, well, to be exact, it can start anytime from jul/ aug onwards. whenever we get haze or smog in the air from indonesia, my respi system will go all haywire... and to make things worst, i am the type of person who will take forever to fall sick and once sick, will take forever to get well. ok, i have exaggerated. i will usually go through a period of body aches, sneezing, and on-and-off sore throats. and this will last several weeks before i fall really sick, headaches, fever, cough and all. and once i start coughing, i will not stop and this always leads to secondary throat infections that will prolong the cough. and my flu usually stretch for a month or two... so, by the time i recover from my aug/ sep flu, year-end monsoon will come and that is where the northern flu season will peak... and so... ah choooo! damned! i think my current flu is the third since aug this year. sighs...

this time round, things are a little more difficult cos of mum...

picture from http://www.4us2be.com/health-fitness/natural-common-cold-remedies/

4 long days

it's the weekend before christmas and it's 4 long days of break, if you take christmas eve to be a non-working day. well, that indeed is the case for me cos mum will not be required to attend the daily rehabilitation on christmas eve.

i am not complaining. a break is a break, even if i am currently unemployed. 

but frankly, i am not too enthusiastic about it for reasons that i am down with a bad flu, mum has been a little mental lately, she has 2 medical appointments on christmas eve, and on top of that, bee is out of town again (last minute some more! and most of the time over the weekends and coinciding with major holidays! damned!)...

sighs...

captain america!

imagine a swimming pool full of captain americas. gay man's fantasy right? all the testosterone overflowing instead of water. haha! well, far from it lo. what i experienced this morning was so bluddy embarrassing! 

first embarrassment. well, this one was nothing related to the pool. it happened at my chiropractor's clinic. you see, i wore bee's captain america t-shirt this morning to my chiropractic appointment. it was a black t-shirt and it has a picture of captain america's shield emblazoned across the front. and the first thing my super friendly chiropractor said was "wow! i have something similar with the same design! but mine's a singlet and i got it from bangkok! how about you? where did you get it from?"... (silence) ... "errr... it doesn't belong to me..." and we changed the topic quickly... heh heh... for that moment, i didn't know how to respond. so... and of cos, as usual, he gave me a deep and all rounded treatment again today. hahaha...

second embarrassment. my routine after my chiropractic treatment was to head to the pool to tan and to read the papers. and that was what i did this morning. arrived at the pool, made my way to the changing room, changed to my trunks and, still wearing my captain america t-shirt, made my way to the usual corner of the pool. as i approached the pool entrance, 2 guys walked into the pool... and guess what?! they were both wearing identical captain america t-shirts... alamak, for that moment, i didn't know where to put my face. i just walked straight on. and of cos, you'll probably ask me if the pool was overflowing with testosterone, and filled with toned, muscled, lean 6-packed men... well, i cannot answer. i was so embarrassed i didn't even notice how they look like...

haha!

picture from http://www.starpulse.com/news/Jason_Coleman/2011/09/02/dvd_review_captain_america_1989

end of the world

omg! it's the end of the world...

ya rite! end my foot! such nonsense... then again, people can take things so literal and be stupid enough to believe that the sun will not rise for the next 3 days, yadda yadda yadda... 

whatever it is, we went to sleep yesterday, we got up today, and we will repeat this cycle for as long as we are alive. and what i recognize is this, the human race is a smart one. but despite the smartness, many people continue to let ignorance influence their logical mind...

sighs...

what the fart!

my tee and his wife-to-be got me a birthday present and it arrived today!

earlier this week, he sms-ed me over the phone that i will like it, i will like it. well, frankly, i am not a present person. somehow gifts and presents do not excite me cos i am a simple person who does not see the need to get anything above those that caters to my basic needs. so... but i do really appreciate their gesture and thoughts. after all, it is not often that i expect people to think of me, much less, to get me a present.

and so, i actually forgot about this present until a call came in telling me they will be sending it to me today. and when faced with the present, my curiosity got the better of me, i was actually a little excited about it. heh heh... tee told me they got me a clock. and given my mental models of clocks (whatever the shape may be, an hour hand, a minute hand, and a second hand), i was quite surprise to get this weird looking thing - a boy bending down with an exposed butt! hmmm... my tee and his mrs-to-be probably think all gaymen liked backside a lot! haha... ok ok just joking, although i know many do but i do have my reservations about lobangs (malay for "holes")... especially down there. eeewww! hahaha! but ok, let's not digress... i looked at the figurine curiously. and package says the alarm of the figurine's clock sounds like a fart. heh heh... interesting. as i looked, it got cuter and more adorable. and sapphie loves it too. once she saw the figurine, she hurriedly rushed to it, took a few sniffs at the face, at the backside... and she actually wanted to bite it! lol!

thank you very much tee and mrs tee (to be)...

:-)

dong zhi 2011 / 冬至

it's dong zhi / 冬至 (winter solstice) again today. this is a very special festival for chinese. it's a time for family gatherings and to give thanks to the gods and ancestors as we commemorate the day.

we went through the same routines. and i noted, what we did today was a combination of what we did in 2009 and 2011. heh heh. cooked tang yuan for mum and bee. mum went a little mental and refused to eat in the end (despite pestering me to buy tang yuan for her). bee came over for tang yuan in the morning... and later in the day, sis-in-law made tang yuan, and we made the offerings to dad at the columbarium. what was different this year was that we brought along the whole of brother's family - my niece and my newly delivered week-old baby boy. it is indeed a joyous and proud occasion for my brother as he presented the new and first baby boy in the next generation to my dad... 

:-)

butterfly

have always been intrigued by butterflies since young. in fact, it was a part of kampong life. these days, it is not easy to see any nice ones. and when i went for a jog last few days at the park... i saw this...  

nice!

finally got it!

after the last few unsuccessful attempts, i finally managed to grab a picture of the ladybird! so very happy. and when i scrutinize closer, i thought it looked a little bit like the halloween pumpkin! it is so different from all the pictures of ladybird i've seen before (all poker-dotted).

haha...

domo, the gay icon

was at the neighbourhood shopping centre with bee and mum earlier and there was a christmas fair going on. and of cos, as per almost all christmas fairs, we get to see lots of toys on sale, lots of student-part-time sales personnel, and lots of parents with the kids... well, with such a combination - toys, young adult men, and daddies with kids... its almost a gaymen's paradise! yes, people watching during pre-christmas shopping period really can be very fun indeed...

and this evening was a little more interesting. there was a section of the fair that was dedicated to japanese toys and amongst the toys on sale was domo! there was a small crowd around domo, many in the crowd were looking, browsing, playing, touching. and amongst these were a couple of gay men, some kids, and a dilf (dads i'd like to fuck). hmmm... the dilf himself looked very gay, very yummy... he was clean-cut, muscled, lean and rather toned, and his overall looks came complete with an air force singlet, white shorts and a matching pair of sandals... really, if not for the kid he was holding, we would have both thought he was another gay person.

and bee said - if he buys the domo, then it can be quite confirmed that he is gay! and we stood on one side to observe... well... in the end, he simply look, touch here and there (the toy, i mean), and left them as they were and walked off with his kid... (then again, it was interesting that it was him looking and touching domo and not his kid...). and just about then his wife joined him, and bee made another observation... i still think he is gay, (and i said so becos) his wife is very ugly...

heh heh... well, we never know... these days straight men can look and act soooo bluddy gay...

agree?

picture from http://www.sodahead.com

smiling from inside

i don't think i have posted this before. i remembered watching this clip back then and exclaiming wow! to myself. and when i look at this clip again after 2-3 years, i can't help but feel the happiness and amazement inside all over again. added to that, i realized i was smiling myself silly and tearing a little too. susan boyle has certainly come a long way since the day she stepped onto the stage.

bravo!

so bottom again...

well, first, my good friend (some has affectionately referred to him as mr bottom following his bottom-centric response to the op) wants to thank all the uncles, aunties, gor gors, jieh jiehs, tee tees, mei meis, and so on for their concern and well wishes over his tonsil op. i am pleased to announced that he has successfully completed the op and now resting in his ward. and given that this is his first hospital stay, it was also a very eventful one...

for a start, he got upgraded to a better ward at no extra cost (the more likely reason would be that the lowest class ward, for singaporeans who less well off [including vagabonds, and/ or paupers like most of us], are so overcrowded that hospitals have to move some lucky few to better class wards)... the doctor that operated on him was so manly and cute, he felt at ease immediately and surrendered himself totally in (the hospital operating) bed and he didn't even know when the doctor inserted his big tool into his mouth, the nurses at the ward did not get to see his kuku (hurray? hmm, i need to interrogate him on this), and at his ward, there was a guy who was so badly smashed up his face was all so bloodied and swollen, so much so that veggyt couldn't make out if this person is cute or otherwise. well, he should be able to discharge tomorrow or the day after...

and yes, he survived the op... so, sex and the city 8, here he comes! 

lol!

forty six (3)

i must admit here. although birthdays were (and still are) uneventful for me, i do secretly hope to get birthday wishes from people (thick skin right? haha...) anyway, i was checking my facebook, my emails, etc... to see if anyone had wished me happy birthday... well, apart from bee who had already wished me and bought me a birthday present last week... 

second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, nothing came in. and at about 11.30pm last night, the first message appeared in my whatsapp... my insurance agent! darned. my mind was going - alamak, from insurance agent, sure not sincere one. must be becos of commercial and business reasons that the message came in the first place. heh heh... i sound very evil right? but well, i was just letting my human ego step in for that moment. and before long, a message came in facebook... it was from my junior college days best friend ks. kinda surprised yet not unexpected... we have always kept time with each other's birthdays all those years during our college days... but well, yes, happy to hear from him. the only thing was - he wished me happy 47th birthday instead... lol!

well... and not too long after that and through the day, messages started trickling in. not too many, some  quite surprising, some quite expected. and it was no less heartwarming nonetheless, especially those from my ex-office supervisor and clerks - every single one of them messaged me! very warm. but well, these messages feed my humanly-ego. and yup, like it or not, the day came and went and hmmm, it is now just passed 12midnight. so... yup, 46th birthday had just passed.

so, yup... happy birthday to me!

forty six (2)

here's something else that was very meaningful on this uneventful birthday of mine. bee got me a durian cake and we celebrated the event at the strike of 12 midnight. nice? yes of course! and this evening, we (bee, mum and i) had buffet dinner at one of the local hotels. several things happened that threatened to destroy the dinner and/ or prevented it from happening, eg mum went a bit cranky, traffic jams, lateness, getting to a wrong location, etc... but well, with a lot of patience and good humor, all's well that ends well...

happy birthday to myself again!

and thank you bee!

forty six (1)

today, i officially am twice the age of many of the bloggers out there who are 23! haha... well, it was an uneventful day. as usual. but the things that happened were no less meaningful. for a start, my mum bought me dinner last evening. not any special dinner. she had insisted on paying for so many things over the last 2 months that i finally told her, ok, you can buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday... and she happily agreed. and as usual dinner with mothers are always that informal and always that uneventful. what happened was, 

mother:  what do you want to eat? you just drive there and we eat lor

me: i am easy on food, what do you want to eat?

mother: why you ask me instead? today is your birthday and you should eat what you want to eat.

me: ok ok... let's go for some simple zichar dinner ok?

mother: do you want to eat satay? 

me (knowing mum likes to eat satay): ok! sounds good.

mother: ok, you buy mutton for yourself, and i eat chicken.

me: no need la, we mother and son should eat the same. i buy chicken and we share.

mother: ok, do you want to eat hokkien mee?

me (knowing mum also likes hokkien mee): ok, sounds good.

mother: ok, you go buy 2 plates. one for you and one for me.

....

yup, that was so simple. we got to eat what she wanted to eat. and she was happy to know that i ate what she thought i wanted to eat (for that matter, i was really easy on food). and it was a simple dinner at the hawker center. but i can tell you this, to a 80 year old person who is not working and dependent on another in almost everything, it must have felt very good and very empowering to be able to buy a treat for another person... and when that person is your son, it also becomes very meaningful.

happy birthday to myself!

so bottom

i have a very dear friend called "veggythomas". been quite a few years since i know him and we often call each other to catch up about each others lives. and we have come to a point where we would bitch and whine to each other rather often. and we address each other rather affectionately as "sistar" or "sis" for short... haha... anyway, he will be going for a short day-op this monday to remove his tonsils. and he was one helluva worried. he called me this morning and shared me his fears... and being him, i couldn't help but roll my eyes as we spoke... the following reflect a short snippet of our conversation...

veggyt: sistar sistar!!! i wanna tell you sum thing...

me: tell tell...

veggyt: i going for the op this monday leh... you know the one regarding my tonsils...

me: oh, aiyah, will be quite straight forward one la. not to worry... at most stay a day or two. most of the time day-op and can leave that very day.

veggyt: but i very scared la. you know, i went to check the net. aiyoh, youtube actually show the process, so scary lor, so much blood... also, i will be under g.a lor. i very scared. never g.a before, what if i die how? so scared lor...

me: chey! simple op say until liddat. don't worry la.

veggyt: oh, when i undergo g.a, what is the process huh?

me: g.a very straight forward one la... you go in, they give you the gas, the next thing you know, you out of the op already. and they will wheel you back to the ward where the nurse will change you back to your ward clothes...

veggyt: serious ah? can i change myself or not? what if the nurse see my kuku? i will shy untillllll.... 

me: purleese la, if shy, just close your eyes lor... not like as though the nurse never see kuku before...

veggyt: also ah sis, i very on lea... i went to do research in the net. and i read the comments by people, got people say very pain lor. can be pain untillllllllll.... like can last ten twenty days lor... aiyoh, so terrible right?!?! i very scared pain! i tell you hor, i read all the suggestion and already made the necessary preparations lor. i went to borrow tv series liao! a few of them sum more, you know, i even got the whole series of the sex and the city season 8... 

me: aiyoh, sistar! your reaction and preparations all so bottom lor! people read comments and feedback to prepare themselves mentally for the process. and you go and focus on the few people's feedback about pain and scare yourself! some more, of all things, you prepare dvds... tsk tsk tsk...

hahaa... this is only a snippet of the 15 minute conversation. you very much know how this conversation went. my oh my... my dear friend very "tare...rrrr" (whine) lor. and i said, i am so gonna blog about this and he said, oh oh... also include my "tare...rrrr" ok? that is a difficult one cos his "tare-rrring" cannot be spelt out in english...

:-)

bee-ing away

bee is away on a work trip till sunday and so, i was very much left on my own since yesterday. well, in the daytime, there are more than enough things to keep me busy, running around visiting mum, housework etc...  but come evening, hmmm... things can get a tat boring. then again, bee should be back tomorrow evening. so thankfully, the boredom will not be that long...

:-)

long days...

these few days has been rather tiring, especially today... shuttling to-and-fro visiting mum at the hospital twice a day, and today, also helping with my sister-in-law and nephew's discharge from the maternity hospital. this is especially so this time round cos i have asked my brother not to visit as his wife has just given birth and it would be most regretful if he catches any germs from the hospital and transmit it to the newborn. also, my second sis is overseas on holiday and i have kept the hospitalization news from her. no point telling her and spoiling her holiday, what more when she cannot catch a flight back, not that things are serious enough for her to do so (anyway, she just returned and i have just told her)... so... that leaves i, me and myself.

and i am away from the house so long a period that i feel a little bad leaving sapphie alone at home most of the time... tell you ahhh, this dog of mine super good in giving me that sad face when i leave the house, it just melts my heart. and when she does that often enough, i will feel super duper guilty and i will just bring her out. and so tonight, i brought her out for a long hour-plus walk. she's a little shagged out now. but heh heh... i certainly feel better that i have made her exercise a bit. then again, there is just a little bit concern here. during her walk, she tripped at least 3-4 times. sighs... looks like not only is my mum getting on with age, even my dog is also the same... 

haha...

updates by the doctor

the interesting things about updates by the hospital is that they assumed you do not know anything about the patients' conditions and history and sometimes tells you things that come across as either naive and/ or condescending. and worst still, at times, it sounded like as though you are telling them an update instead... and this is exactly how i felt now. 

you see, as a norm, all hospital doctors will call the family member to update them about the patient's condition daily and the treatment they will  be giving. and i have just got off the phone with the hospital doctor. and he told me a whole load of issues that mum has and even went on to indicate that the reason she fell was becos of her parkinson's disease deterioration. hmmm... interesting input cos the last time a doctor said he suspected she has parkinson's disease was many years back. and today, this one said it like it was a fact. wonder how he got this conclusion. he wasn't even aware of the conditions around mum at the time she fell! and after i explained he was like. hmmm, ya ya... hmmm, oh is it? hmmm, oh ok... and he quickly switched topic to talk about her breathing problem and the additional tests that he intends to do... i had to brief him on the history about her respiratory issues, her home management plan, yadda yadda yadda... and at the end of the conversation, he thanked me instead...

hmmm....