Grateful: Granddad's Anniversary

I paid a visit to the columbarium today to pay respects to my late paternal grandfather. This coming Friday will mark his 57th death anniversary. As I will be conducting training that day, I won’t be able to commemorate the occasion then, so I decided to do so a few days earlier. It was a simple affair - just some basic offerings of joss paper and a small donation to the temple.

It has been 57 years, and apart from me, I don’t think anyone else remembers the anniversary anymore. Doing this simple ritual is perhaps also a way of honouring my mum. Forever the dutiful daughter-in-law, she had always taken it upon herself to commemorate the occasion since his passing, and later, my grandma’s as well. In continuing the ritual, I suppose I am also continuing something she had quietly kept alive for so many years.

I decided to ask D to meet for lunch as I would pass by his place and was surprised he offered to accompany me to the columbarium. But I guess it was a good experience for him too - taking public transport with me and seeing what the place was like. Grateful for the company, and certainly grateful that I am still able to commemorate the occasion.

Grateful: Exhausted

I slept at 9-ish last night and woke up at 9-ish today. When I woke up, my whole body felt so wasted and my back threatened to give way. I didn’t actually get out of bed until almost noon! 

You see, I woke up at 5 last morning, had a quick breakfast, and then headed to town where I conducted a full day of stand-up training. After training, I headed to my aunt’s place to help with the end-of-7th-month prayers. I couldn’t even kneel properly to plant the joss sticks along the walkway. I was just too tired, and my whole body had stiffened up. The exhaustion really took its toll on me, and by the time I reached home, I literally just collapsed onto my bed after a nice cold shower! 

I’ve never felt so exhausted before. Was it a culmination of physical and mental stress, exacerbated by age? Idk. I just know I was exhausted. And for sure, the heat and humidity totally didn’t help! I slept deeply, and I’m glad I’m all good again after a good, slow day!

Still, I’m grateful for a day well spent: successfully delivering a new and highly challenging module; having an engaging and participative class; the chicken essence with cordyceps and ginseng tea that kept me going through the day; the opportunity to catch up with my elderly aunt and uncle; a nice cold shower; and, finally, a good night’s sleep!

Retirement & I

I read a blog by RB reflecting on his post-working life and it got me thinking of my own journey too. My "retirement" journey, that is. I have placed the word "retirement" in parentheses because I do not define retirement in the "traditional sense" - where one stops working professionally after decades of work. It is too narrowly defined, imo. To me, retirement is a state of mind - a state where one is financially stable and does what is meaningful to him. This definition is independent of work. As such, one can be working (or otherwise) and still be considered retired.

In Sgp, the current retirement age is 64 and this will be increased to 65 by 2030. For me, I told myself that I would want to continue working even after my retirement age. And I would work for the engagement, and not for the salary. This is important to me because, as a single gay person, apart from a couple of close friends, working is an important means to keep engaged with the community and society at large. It keeps one emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. 

This underpinned my decision to become a freelancer, and freelance in roles that are meaningful to me. This made me think deeply about "what is meaningful to me". It made me reflect on my purpose in life. It was a difficult thought process that took me years to crystallise. The latest articulation of it is simply this: to be able to help people and society. With this thought, the choice of what I wanted to do became clearer. I would be a coach, a mentor and a trainer. These are roles where I can help people, share my experiences, and support people as they navigate life, professionally or personally.

I am a realist when it comes to age. Like it or not, the society we live in is an ageist one. And as an HR person, I am very well aware that when people (read: employers) see the "6" in front of your age, whatever value you can contribute to them will take a backseat, and your resume gets put away. So I left my corporate life end-2023, at the age of 57 to prepare myself. To be a coach, trainer and mentor, there were skills, certifications and networks that I needed to establish. And I needed to get all these settled by the time I reached 60. 

I am now 3 months shy of 60. I have obtained the necessary certifications and I have established myself as a qualified trainer, a professional coach and a mentor. The training companies I have signed up with recognise my value and come to me when there are projects. I have the prerogative to accept or decline the projects when they are offered. For coaching, I have been doing it on a pro-bono basis, as and when my base of clients comes to me. Although the frequency is not as high as training, the coaching sessions have been deeply meaningful. The same goes for mentoring.

When I talk about retirement, it goes beyond just work and keeping engaged. There are tangibles, such as finances, housing, and so on that must be considered. I am grateful that the financial audit I did before leaving corporate gave me a clarity of how much I actually need - operational cost, in corporate lingo. This provided me with the basis to accept or reject training opportunities. I just need to train enough to sustain my lifestyle without needing to dip into my savings. It has worked wonderfully well for me thus far. I am, of course, definitely more conscious of my spending these days. But that is a good thing. I am in control of it.

On a broader scale, I have also considered the longer-term financial aspects, such as CPF and housing. After a long thought process, I am ready to liquidate my current apartment and move to public housing. I have already started the application process. The aim is to purchase one at a location of my choice. If the application is successful, the construction will take 3-plus years, and I should be able to move in when I am 63, or latest 64. My CPF LIFE will kick in at 65. With these tangible aspects in place, I am reasonably confident I have put myself in a financially comfortable position for the rest of my life.

What I have captured above are, in many ways, the easier aspects of post-corporate life planning. What is probably the most challenging for me is my sense of self-identity. I have alluded to it when I mentioned "purpose" earlier. For the longest time in my life, my identity had been closely linked to my professional identity. Leaving corporate, having time in my own hands, forced me to revisit my identity and the whole purpose in life.

What am I? Who am I?

Thinking deeply about my purpose also forced me to look at my beliefs and my values. It took me a long while to look inwards and re-examine myself. I am sure my "purpose" will morph as time passes, and with it, my daily habits and lifestyle. But I am not in a rush. After all, time is what I have now. And I give myself permission to take my time as I relearn about myself, to relax, to pursue my hobbies, to work, to go on holidays, or, simply, to do nothing. Importantly, what is most meaningful to me is to be aware, to live in the present moment, to be grateful, to be compassionate to others and to self, and to live life mindfully.

Ultimately, it’s my life and I decide how I live it. I am in control. I define what retirement is and...

I retire on my terms.

Grateful Week: Backache

It’s been a crazy week - not because I was busy, but because I had a terrible backache. I’m not too sure whether it was due to all the walking I’ve been doing, poor posture, or perhaps a combination of both. Whatever the cause, it affected my lifestyle and disrupted my routines. I was essentially bedridden for more than 2 days and couldn’t even sit up straight. For those few days, I consciously prioritised rest over work, long walks and meals out. Apart from some lingering soreness and muscle tightness around my waist and left hip, I’m now almost back to normal. This episode reminded me of several things that I’m thankful for. 

• Friends. I’m blessed to have friends who reached out and showed genuine concern. One person in particular stood out. D, who lives in the west, offered to come over to help with my meals, which I politely declined. I’m deeply thankful that he offered his help despite the distance. 

• Food delivery. I’m grateful that such a service exists. It may cost a little more, but at a time like this, the small premium was insignificant compared to the pain and discomfort. And since I was ordering in anyway, I finally tried the McDonald’s National Day Curry Chicken Burger. I enjoyed it and thought it was pretty good. 

• Remote controls. This is something I’ve taken so much for granted until now. When moving around became painful, having remote controls for the lights, fans, aircon, tv and other appliances made life so much more bearable. It’s funny how we hardly notice these little conveniences until we actually need them. 

• Back support. This was a lifesaver. Thankfully, I had a back support tucked away in my storeroom from a previous episode of back pain. It helped me walk, even if it was only a few steps at a time, and was especially useful when I struggled to stand upright. Keeping my back muscles warm helped prevent them from stiffening further, and I’m glad I had it when I needed it.

• … and many more. As I lay in bed over those couple of days, I realised how many other things I had taken for granted - my firm bed, my warm comforter, a hot shower, the internet, good wifi, my mobile phone, and so much more. Every single one of them brought comfort and convenience when I needed them most. It’s amazing how the simplest things often become the most appreciated during moments like these. Deeply grateful for every one of them.

Despite the pain, which affected me for more than half the week, I didn’t want it to stop me from living as normally as I could. It was a conscious decision to leave my apartment, visit places and have meals with friends whenever I was able. Walking, within my limits, helped keep my back muscles warm and, I believe, aided my recovery. This episode also served as a timely reminder to pay closer attention to my health and well-being. They are easy to take for granted until they are compromised. More importantly, it reminded me that even during an inconvenient week, there was still much to be thankful for.

Grateful 1WJul26: Life

It’s been a week since I last wrote a reflection, and quite a lot happened over the past week. Here’s a quick rundown of how my week went and the things that I am thankful for.

• People. I met up with many people - family, friends and coachees - who wanted to catch up, have a meal, and simply celebrate this new chapter with me. It’s been a while since I had so many meals out with company. Food definitely tastes better when eaten with company. And I gained quite a bit of weight! It was really nice to reconnect, even if it was just over a meal. I am thankful for the people who reached out and who care. 

• Well-being. I explored new routes for my walks and intensified my step count to an average of about 15k - 25k steps a day. It’s tiring but, at the same time, nice to experience different routes. Admittedly, on some days I felt unmotivated and tired, but I’m glad I pushed myself a little and went for the walk. It has definitely contributed to my physical and mental well-being. 

• Mindfulness. I had an interesting exchange with a peer trainer who consistently complained - from the sale of courses, to trainer scheduling, to the quality of learners and so on. It’s tough to listen to constant complaints, but in a way, it reminded me of the importance of focusing on what I can control and not sweating over what I can’t. That perspective helped me maintain my focus and peace of mind, and I truly appreciate the opportunity to cultivate greater mindfulness. 

• Feedback. I managed to deliver the new module, and the feedback was quite positive. There were, of course, one or two learners who were a little more critical but, objectively, their feedback allowed me to reflect on how I can improve future runs. I’m grateful for the pointers they raised. 

• New Module. I have also been engaged to run another new module and have started researching the topic. While it is stressful preparing for a new delivery, I see it as an opportunity to deepen my knowledge and stay relevant as a trainer. Such an opportunity is hard to come by! I am blessed!

• Opportunity. A peer trainer asked me to share my résumé, and she forwarded it to a training company for their consideration. I was surprised that within a few hours, I was invited for an interview. The interview is this week, and I have to prepare a topic for the session. Let’s see how it goes. I’m grateful to my peer trainer for recommending me and connecting me with the academy.

• Rest. I have been sleeping relatively well over the past couple of days. This has been a welcome change compared to the previous few weeks when I had insomnia, possibly due to the stress of preparing for my training delivery. During that period, I noticed my blood pressure and heart rate had increased. I’m glad they have since returned to the normal range. 

On the whole, I think the past week was simply me living my life. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened. It was very routine, yet meaningful and intentional. And when I paused to reflect, I realised there was much to be thankful for.

Reflections: 1H2026

I want to use this post to reflect on the first half of 2026.

It was, by and large, a continuation of what had taken shape by the end of 2025. As a whole, there is no strong sense of disruption or change in direction. Life has continued in a steady rhythm - shaped by people, routines, and moments that often appear ordinary on the surface. Truth be told, the intentions set at the beginning of the year were not new beginnings, but a clearer expression of how life was already unfolding. It also sits within a broader transition that started in Dec 2023, where my work and way of living have gradually shifted away from a traditional corporate structure into a more flexible and independent rhythm. Over time, this has felt less like a defined decision and more like a slow reorientation - towards a way of working and contributing that feels more aligned with helping people in a steady and meaningful way. And on this note, let me use the key focus I set out at the start of 2026 to frame this post:

Remain Grounded in Gratitude

Gratitude is most visible through daily reflections and writing. It is also expressed through actions, particularly in how I support people who matter to me and how I commemorate major festivals such as CNY and the Dragon Boat Festival. CNY reunion dinners remained important anchor points - sitting together with friends and family across generations, with conversations moving between updates, familiar topics/ complains/ bitching, and stories that resurface year after year. During Duanwu Jie, making nonya chang was not just a way to remember my mother or honour family traditions, but also a way of sharing something meaningful with people who matter to me. Beyond these, there have been frequent meals with aunts, cousins, extended relatives, and friends. These moments are often simple and unplanned, but carry a similar sense of continuity. Gratitude, in that sense, feels less like a practice and more like a way of noticing and appreciating the people and experiences that quietly shape everyday life. 

Live with Purpose and Compassion

Purpose continues to show up in everyday interactions with people. Much of this happens through conversations with friends, colleagues, and people within my wider circle, where the focus is less on outcomes and more on being present with what they are experiencing. Compassion often takes the form of small and ordinary acts such as helping a crow that had fallen onto the middle of the road, or supporting friends going through difficult periods or health challenges. One moment that stays with me was giving my friend, T, a haircut during his illness. What seemed like a simple gesture became one of his happiest moments in the weeks before he passed away. These experiences serve as reminders that purpose is not always found in grand plans or achievements. Sometimes, it is simply about showing up, paying attention, and walking alongside someone for a while. 

Embrace Vulnerability and Courage

Vulnerability this year has been less about expression and more about staying with what is not immediately resolved. The challenges that began in the second half of last year gradually eased towards the end of June. Despite the difficult moments, I chose to embrace the experience and look for what it could teach me - new perspectives, deeper self-awareness, and, perhaps unexpectedly, new friendships. Within family interactions, friendships, and personal reflection, there are moments where clarity does not come quickly, and I am learning to remain in that space without rushing to close it. This includes recognising that not every relationship evolves in the same direction. There are long-standing friendships that have been important parts of my life, yet differences in values, priorities, and perspectives can gradually create distance. Accepting this has not been easy, but holding on out of sentimentality may create more harm in the long run. Courage, in this context, sometimes means allowing certain relationships to loosen naturally while holding gratitude for what they once meant. Letting go does not diminish their significance; it acknowledges that people grow and change in different ways and at different paces. At the same time, there is a gentle sense that life feels a little more open in how it is experienced. Nothing marked or symbolic, but a subtle easing in how space and time are held, allowing days to unfold with slightly more flexibility.

Nurture Relationships That Matter

Relationships continue to form a steady rhythm across different parts of life - family gatherings, meals with relatives, catch-ups with friends, and ongoing interactions with people who move in and out of my life. What stands out is not intensity, but regular return - the quiet consistency of checking in and showing up over time. Alongside long-standing friendships and family ties, this year has also brought new connections. Some of these friendships have grown naturally through shared experiences and conversations, bringing fresh perspectives and unexpected support. Together, both old and new relationships create a sense of continuity and connection that enriches daily life. 

Deepen Spiritual Practice

My Buddhist practice continues through meditation, classes, and reflection, and remains an important grounding thread in how I experience life. This year’s Vesak Day offered a particularly meaningful opportunity to reflect on impermanence and non-attachment. These teachings, while familiar through practice, felt more immediate in the context of recent experiences, including the passing of my aunt earlier this year and the loss of T. Rather than changing the direction of life, these moments gently reinforced the importance of holding people and experiences with appreciation, without needing to hold on too tightly. Over time, this practice feels less like something separate from life, and more like a way of seeing that continues to shape how I relate to change, relationships, and presence.

Care for My Health and Well-being

Health and well-being have remained less about pursuing specific goals and more about maintaining a sustainable rhythm of life. There have been periods of intense work, balanced by quieter days of rest, walks, family meals, and time simply to recharge. I have also become more aware of listening to my body and recognising when to slow down. Whether it was recovering after demanding training days, making space for solitude, or enjoying simple moments in nature, these have become reminders that well-being is not something to achieve, but something to nurture. I am grateful that this balance has allowed me to remain present for the people around me while continuing to find joy in the ordinary moments of everyday life.

Looking across the last 6 months, what stands out is continuity rather than change - a steady living out of intentions already set in motion. As I move into the second half of 2026, the focus remains on living with greater presence and openness, allowing life to unfold with a little more ease, space, and gratitude.

Grateful 18 - 20 Jun: Tired but Grateful

I am feeling very tired today and did not sleep well last night. I believe it was due to an overactive mind after a day of training preparations. So, I will keep today’s journal brief. 

Firstly, I am grateful for the slower and more relaxed pace of the last 3 days, which allowed me to complete my daily walks, prepare for my training sessions, and spend time with friends. Secondly, I am grateful for the favourable weather, which made it easy to complete my walks comfortably. Lastly, I am grateful for the mindful presence that enabled me to stay focused and complete my preparations. I also managed to help my sis edit a video. It was really gratifying to be able to learn how to do it online!

I end today feeling drained but happy, and celebrated with 2 glasses of merlot and roast meat! I sincerely hope for a restful night’s sleep without insomnia. Even on a day marked by fatigue, I am thankful for the moments of steadiness, connection, and progress that carried me through.

Bak Chang & I

Duanwu Jie (or 端午节, Dragon Boat Festival) has always been present in my family through the making of bak chang. My mother would prepare them, offer them to the gods, and share them with people who mattered to us. Although she is Peranakan, she would make the Hokkien-style savoury bak chang, shaped by my father’s and grandmother’s Hokkien background. Occasionally, she would also buy the sweet Peranakan-style nonya chang for us. I have always preferred the nonya version. My personal journey in making the chang began in 2003. I think I went through two major phases in my nonya chang making journey: an early experimentation or "fusion" phase, and a later maturation into the nonya style. What began as experimentation shaped by homesickness has, over time, grown into something grounded in memory, belonging, and continuity - and, ultimately, in how I understand my own identity.

I started making it in 2003 when I was based in Tampa. I was living in a western country, navigating life as a minority, and I remember a persistent sense of loneliness and distance from my cultural roots. Food became a way of returning to something familiar. In that space, I began experimenting with bak chang. There was no clear recipe at the start - only instinct and memory. I went to a Vietnamese grocery shop and bought the ingredients and bamboo leaves. What emerged was a version that, at times, resembled Hokkien choot bee png (fried glutinous rice) wrapped in bamboo leaves, rather than bak chang in its fully formed sense. To many of us Asians based in Tampa, however, it carried a familiar resonance of home, and it became an unexpected success among fellow Asian military personnel on base.

In the years that followed, after returning to Singapore, I began to refine the recipe through trial and error. My mother guided me in those early years, especially in emphasising the importance of coriander powder and winter melon. What emerged was a fusion version that I was rather proud of - it felt like a meeting point between my parents’ heritage: Hokkien on one side, Peranakan on the other. Yet beneath that satisfaction was a quieter pull. I had wanted to make nonya chang, but the result kept settling into something in-between. I knew the ingredient mix was not quite right but could not pinpoint exactly what. Still, I was elated that my parents, especially my mother, enjoyed what I made. I sometimes wondered whether her enjoyment was also shaped by her own Peranakan upbringing, something she had carried differently after marrying into my father’s more traditional Hokkien family.

Over time, I kept adjusting the recipe with each passing year. Each year brought small refinements, and gradually the nonya character became more distinct - the first real turning point being the removal of hae bee (dried shrimp) and an increase in coriander powder. What had once been experimentation slowly became something more intentional, as though I was uncovering rather than inventing it. I have continued this annual practice ever since, and this year I went further, making adjustments to both the ingredients and the cooking method. The filling was made more savoury; the rice given more depth with extra garlic, fresh and fried shallots; and salt added to the boiling water to prevent dilution of flavours during cooking. The outcome felt closer than ever to what I had been seeking.

Looking back, what stands out is not the technical evolution of the recipe, but the emotional thread running through it. Making nonya chang has become a quiet way of staying connected - to my heritage, my parents, and their histories. More than that, it has gradually become part of who I am.

Here's my latest recipe >> Nonya Chang 2026

Here's a quick explanation to what the festival is: >> The festival commemorates the patriot and poet Qu Yuan and celebrates the enduring values of loyalty, remembrance, and community. These days, families mark the occasion by enjoying the bak chang or rice dumplings together, watching or participating in dragon boat races, and gathering to preserve cultural traditions across generations. 

Grateful 13 Jun: Tiring But Meaningful

I want to keep today's journal short and to the point. 

It was a simple day spent distributing the nonya changs I had made. The journey took me to Simei, Hougang, and Clementi before I finally made my way home. It was certainly a tiring day travelling across the island. Despite feeling tired, I decided to make the effort to complete my daily steps before calling it a day. 

On this note, let me give thanks to those who took the time to meet me, for Singapore's efficient transport system, and for the smooth journeys throughout the day. Above all, I am grateful for the opportunity to meet and catch up with my eldest sister, my brother-in-law, St, and D. It was a tiring day, but also a meaningful one. 

I am glad that I completed the distribution early this year, ahead of the actual Duanwu Jie (or 端午节, Dragon Boat Festival) on 19 June. In doing so, I can now focus my attention and energies on my training preparations and other work-related commitments in the coming weeks. 

With this, I close my commemoration of Duanwu Jie 2026.

Grateful 11 & 12 Jun: Nonya Chang

Over the last 3 days, I devoted much of my time to making the nonya chang. After 2 days of cooking and tying them, I began distributing them last evening. This is the first time I have made nonya chang since my break-up in 2024. There are people in my life, especially in recent times, whom I wish to thank, and few things feel more meaningful than preparing nonya chang for them. So today, let me give thanks to: 

• My Sisters.  As I prepared a list of people to whom I wanted to give the chang, my two sisters were right at the top. Nothing surpasses family when it comes to gratitude. I am thankful for their unwavering support, their presence in my life, and the bond we share as a family. 

• C & K. I am deeply grateful to C and K for their support over the past year, especially C. I shall not go into the details of what happened last year, but without her help, my life today would likely have been very different. As C is currently working overseas, I was only able to pass the chang to K, her partner. K was one of the first people to visit me last year, and I appreciated her kindness and companionship during that period. I made a trip to her home yesterday evening and was delighted that she enjoyed the chang. 

• D, S & V. This year, I made a special effort to thank D, S and V. I have written much about them recently, particularly D. Although I had known of D since the mid-1990s, I did not know him personally then. We moved in different circles, and our paths only properly crossed last year. Through a series of unexpected circumstances, we ended up spending a great deal of time together, sometimes meeting almost daily. I am profoundly grateful for his friendship and support during this period of my life. It was through D that I came to know S and V, one of his closest friend and her husband. They have been equally generous with their friendship and encouragement, and I wanted them to know how much I appreciate them. As it turned out, all 3 of them are fans of nonya chang. 

Besides the people mentioned above, I also gave the chang to M, PY and S. Preparing and sharing them was my way of expressing gratitude to the people who matter to me. In return, the joy of knowing they enjoyed them became a gift to me as well. Most importantly, sharing the chang was my way of nurturing the relationships that matter to me.

Grateful 3 & 4 Jun: Anchor

I have often gravitate towards significant events, meaningful encounters, or important lessons in my gratitude journals and have not paid enough attention to the simple things that quietly support my day-to-day life. So, in this post, let me give thanks for: 

• Sunshine. It's been bright and sunny these past 2 days. Rather than complaining about the heat, let me give thanks for the sunshine that brightens my day and allows me to go about my daily routines, whether it is heading to the coffee shop for my kopi-o kosong, doing my exercises around the estate, or simply enjoying a walk outdoors. It is such a simple thing, yet it brings a sense of ease and freedom that I often take for granted.

• Friends. These past 2 days, many people have checked in on me, and this evening, I met my ex-colleague turned friend D for dinner. So let me give thanks for them. These seemingly small gestures keep me connected and remind me that, even though I enjoy solitude, I am not alone. They reassure me that there are people who think of me, care about me, and remain part of my life. 

• Home. My home provides me with a comfortable space to rest, escape from the heat, work, and simply be myself. It is more than just a place to live. Reflecting on the past 3 decades, it has been the backdrop to countless moments shared with my parents, past partners, and my dog. It is also a place where my siblings and their families, relatives, friends, and colleagues have gathered. In many ways, it quietly holds the story of my life. 

So yes, these are things that feature so naturally in my daily life that I rarely stop to notice them. Yet they form the foundation upon which so much else rests. And I am deeply grateful to these people and things that is such an integral part of my life.

Grateful 13 & 14 May: Showing Up...

I think I have found a new routine over the last two weeks, and I am glad I did. I have been visiting my friend T regularly whenever my schedule allows, and it has been something very meaningful for me. I would usually visit him with D, and through these visits, I have also gotten to know D better. Apart from visiting T, my days have also been filled with activities such as attending events, meeting friends and simply staying connected with people. The past two days were very much like that. As I consolidate my thoughts tonight, I want to give thanks for the following: 

• Grandma’s Death Anniversary. Yesterday, I made a trip to the columbarium to commemorate my grandma’s 51st death anniversary. I believe I am the only one in my generation who still does this. I was glad that the skies cleared when I visited. It turned out to be a lovely visit. Being a weekday, the columbarium was quiet and almost empty. Rather than making me think about death, the many tombstones and niches reminded me of the countless stories that each departed person carried in life. In a way, cemeteries and columbaria are like huge libraries that preserve the stories of the past. They connect us to our ancestors, our memories and ultimately, our own stories. On a separate note, it was interesting that when I updated my aunt about visiting my grandma’s niche, she remarked that grandma had passed on so long ago that it was probably no longer useful to burn joss paper, since she would not be able to enjoy whatever we offered. It was such a cute yet practical remark. To me, paying respect to our ancestors is as much about remembering them as it is about remembering the living and the values they left behind in us. This year, I did not make any offerings. Instead, I made a small donation to the temple in her name, and somehow, that felt more meaningful. 

• Meeting K. I met K for tea after visiting the columbarium, and we had a very nice catch-up. It had been quite some time since we last met, as he has been busy adjusting to his new job. It was such a coincidence that he was free yesterday. I was also glad that I managed to convince him to visit T with me today. T was so happy to see K, and I felt grateful to have been able to bring him some joy and companionship, even if only for a while. 

• Chatting with B. I had a long WhatsApp exchange with B last evening. We spoke about many things, including our families and our respective practices when it comes to remembering and respecting the departed. B is from Malaysia, and Malaysians tend to commemorate such occasions in a much louder and more traditional manner. Yet, from what he shared, I sensed that the underlying familial bonds and filial piety are very similar. I shared with him about commemorating my grandma’s anniversary, and he was surprised that I still continue to do so more than 50 years after her passing. It was a lovely conversation, and I felt deeply warmed by the exchange. 

• Growth.  I attended an AI workshop today, and it was surprisingly fun. We learnt how to create apps, images and videos using AI tools. This workshop is the first of many sessions aimed at helping us better understand AI and how it can support our work and daily lives. One thing I appreciated was the effort being made to help ordinary people become more comfortable with AI instead of being left behind by it. We will also receive fundings sponsored by the government to subscribe to some AI tools after the workshop, which I am thankful for. Personally, I make it a point to attend such workshops not simply because they are free of charge, but because they keep me engaged with the larger community. More importantly, they provide me with opportunities to continue learning and staying updated with what is happening in the world around us. I am looking forward to exploring more in the months ahead. 

These were some of the highlights from the past 2 days. As I reflect on them, I realise how much this season of life has become centred around presence - being present for friends, staying connected to memories of loved ones, and continuing to learn and grow. That, probably, is what growing older is increasingly about: not chasing after big moments, but quietly showing up for people, memories and experiences that matter. For all these moments, both quiet and meaningful, I am deeply grateful.

Grateful 6 & 7 May: People & Life

I had a busy 2 days. Yesterday, I attended my aunt’s funeral, met up with some friends for lunch, and then visited another friend at the hospital. And today, it was training preparation before I decided to visit my friend at the hospital again. Despite the packed schedule, it was meaningful, especially as it involved a full spectrum of people in my life. So let me give thanks for the following: 

• Family & Friends. The theme that ran through these 2 days centred around life and the people who journey with me through it. My aunt’s funeral was an emotional event, especially when the casket was moved in for the cremation. The event reminded me of how short life is, having known and interacted with my aunt since I was young, and now she is gone. I was also reminded of mortality when I had lunch with a friend who is suffering from cancer, and later when I visited another friend who is in the final weeks/ months of his life. These events reminded me of the importance of valuing life and being thankful for the time we have with our family and friends. 

• Fellow Trainers. Apart from the many activities happening, I was also caught up with training preparation. 2 days ago, I received a call from a peer trainer. She sounded flustered as the training dates given to her at short notice clashed with her other commitments, and she asked if I could stand in for her. The training is over the coming weekend. With only 4 days before the training delivery, it was indeed very last minute. I agreed as I had delivered this module before. Above all, I was thankful that it gave me the opportunity to stay familiar with this particular module. But more importantly, I was thankful that I was able to stand in for my fellow trainer. 

• Self. It had been an extremely exhausting few days with the wake, the early funeral, and days packed with activities - lunch, hospital visits, training preparation, and so on. So I am thankful that I was able to sleep well through the night over the last two nights. This is especially meaningful given the many nights of insomnia I had before that. The sleep was really good, and I woke up feeling properly rested. 

It had been an interesting 2 days where life, busyness, and loss all sat alongside each other. One moment, we are grieving someone who has passed on; the next, we are supporting those still fighting through illness, while continuing with our own responsibilities and routines. Significantly, these 2 days involved the full spectrum of people in my life - family, friends, peer trainer, and my own self. And perhaps that is what life really is - learning to hold joy, sorrow, purpose, fatigue, and gratitude all at the same time. And for that awareness, I am thankful.

Grateful 4 & 5 May: Wake

It’s been two long days attending and helping out at the wake. Tomorrow is the funeral. The prayers will start at 7:45am and the cremation will be at 9:30am. I need to leave my place at 6am, so I’m going to keep this post short and simply focus on what I am grateful for. 

• Managing the Living. It was supposed to be a Buddhist funeral, but when I first arrived at the wake, I noticed all the Taoist paraphernalia - paper house, car, gold and silver mountains, and other elaborate offerings. I later learned that another aunt had raised the need, and my cousins had dutifully arranged for them. The exact same thing happened during my dad’s funeral. It reminded me once again that funerals are not just about honouring the dead, but also about comforting the living. Sometimes people do certain things not because they believe in them, but because they want to give others peace of mind, avoid regret, and allow everyone to grieve without conflict. I was grateful that the family understood this and chose harmony over insistence. 

• Folding Joss Paper. Given that it’s a Buddhist-Taoist funeral, much of the last two days was spent folding joss paper. Everyone chipped in quietly. Perhaps what’s important was not about preparing offerings for the deceased but more about what it did for the living. Sitting together, folding paper and chatting in between moments of silence gave us space to gather, reconnect, and simply be present with one another. I’m thankful for this simple yet meaningful tradition. 

• Funeral Preparations. It was touching to see everyone dressed according to their generation’s colour. At a glance, you could tell who were from my generation (the children), my nieces and nephews (the grandchildren), and my grandniece and grandnephew (the great-grandchildren). It reminded me that funerals are not just about death, but also about continuity - about family lines, relationships, and belonging. These traditions may appear old-fashioned to some, but I find something deeply meaningful in them. They bring structure and clarity during a time when emotions can easily feel overwhelming. 

Tomorrow will no doubt be emotional. But more than anything else, I find myself grateful to witness how closely knit this family is. Over these two days, I have watched them look out for one another in both big and small ways - helping with funeral matters, checking in on one another, reminding each other to eat, and making sure no one carries the burden alone. In moments like this, you see clearly what family truly means. And I am grateful to be part of that extended family.

Orphan

“I’m finally an orphan at 64 years old” my cousin said. 

Grateful 3 May: RIP

My aunt just passed on 2 hours ago. I am still processing the news even as I type this. So let me keep this short and give thanks for: 

• My Aunt. She was in her 90s and had lived a long and full life. I was about to leave my Buddhist class when my cousin’s WhatsApp came in: “My mum just passed away at the hospital.” Everything came to a standstill for a moment. I last saw her during CNY and she was already frail then. I may not have been as close to her as I was to another aunt, but the passing of an elder in the family still carries weight. Her quiet presence over the years helped hold the extended family together, and I am grateful for that. 

• My Cousins. I am thankful to my cousins for rallying around my aunt during her final years. They have consistently included me in their regular family gatherings, and that gave me a strong sense of belonging. In particular, I am grateful to PL for remembering me and informing me of her passing. We had spoken before about managing the eventuality of my aunt’s passing. The next few days will no doubt be emotionally and physically draining for her and the rest of the family. For this evening, I will give them space to settle the immediate arrangements and visit tomorrow when things are a little more settled. 

• My Extended Family. We all move through different phases of life, and I am at an age where family gatherings increasingly happen at what we Chinese call “white events” rather than “red events”. In the coming days, I will likely reconnect with many of my other cousins and relatives during the wake. Despite the occasion, there is something quietly comforting about families coming together again. Perhaps this too is part of what keeps a family connected across generations.

My aunt was in her 90s and, mentally, I think all of us knew her passing would come sooner rather than later. Still, when it finally happens, it feels unsettling. Yet beneath the sadness, I also sense other emotions - gladness that her passing was peaceful, relief that her suffering has ended, gratitude that she was surrounded by family in her final moments, and a quiet sense of celebration for a life that was long lived. And perhaps my cousin expressed it best when he said, “Mom is in a better place and she is finally reunited with my dad once again.” 

RIP Ah Kor.

Grateful 25 Mar: Senses (1)

Today, I found myself becoming more aware of something I often take for granted - my senses. In the midst of an otherwise ordinary day, small moments drew my attention to how I experience the world through smell, taste, and sight. These are not grand realisations, but quiet ones that gently remind me there is depth even in the most basic human faculties.

• Taste. I had a bowl of fish soup for lunch today and found it too salty for my liking. In fact, this heightened saltiness seemed to have become increasingly pronounced over the past week or two. And I wondered if my palate has changed. You see, since CNY, I have been trying to manage my weight after regaining what I had previously lost, and one key adjustment has been reducing my sodium intake. It seems that this conscious effort has recalibrated my taste buds, making me more sensitive to salt. Positively, this shift has also allowed me to experience flavours more distinctly — fish tastes more “fishy”, and eggs more “eggy”. It feels like rediscovering food with a renewed palate, and I am curious about what other experiences this “new tongue” might bring.

• Smell. As I walked along a canal near the MRT depot, with hardly anyone within sight, I was suddenly met with a strong, flowery fragrance. While flowery smells are often associated with the supernatural, this experience felt different. It was the middle of the day - hot, bright, and sunny - hardly the setting for such encounters. More importantly, the scent itself is different from what I had previously experienced. I also did not get that sudden chilly feel. With that awareness, I found myself becoming curious rather than fearful. I do not have an explanation for what I experienced, but I am grateful that my sense of smell, together with past experience, helped me navigate my emotions - shifting me from fear to curiosity. 

• Sight. It was low tide during my walk and with it came sights that I do not usually get to see. The lowered water level revealed an abundance of oysters and barnacles clinging to the canal walls, forming textures and patterns that would otherwise remain hidden. I also saw white egrets perched quietly along the canal edge, watching the shallow waters with intent, clearly on the lookout for an opportunistic catch. It struck me that these sights had always been there, just not always visible - or perhaps not always noticed. And in that moment, I found myself appreciating not just the ability to see, but the opportunity to observe more closely. It was a gentle reminder that what we see often depends on when - and how - we choose to look.

As I look back on these experiences, I realise that my senses are not merely functional - they shape how I interpret and respond to the world around me. They guide my emotions, influence my habits, and evolve alongside me with age and experience. Perhaps that is the quiet gift in all of this - not just that I can see, taste, or smell, but that through them, I continue to learn, adapt, and stay curious. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

2026 Review

Time flies when we do not observe it? Or time flies when we get older? Whatever the reasons. 2026 simply flew by and we are already in mid-Mar, almost a quarter down. So I thought it would be useful to give some thoughts about where I am with regards my 2026 focus:

• Remain grounded in gratitude. I’d rate this 8/10. I’ve made it a point to do my gratitude journaling daily. My buddy called it my “daily prayer” - quite apt, I felt. Admittedly, it’s still not as intuitive as I would like, but I do feel the effects, especially when I observe how others tend to focus on the negatives. The real outcome, I think, is to feel inner peace and happiness. I shall continue to work on this.

• Live with purpose and compassion. I’d rate this 7.5/10. Life has been rather routine lately, but amidst the routines, I’ve kept focused on what is meaningful to me - helping and supporting others. I continue to do this through coaching, mentoring, and training, although coaching and mentoring have fallen short of my expectations. This is despite renewing my commitment to mentor with one organisation this year and signing up with another to do career mentoring. Regardless, these commitments, beyond allowing me to live meaningfully, also provide the engagement I need and a way to practise compassion toward my own mental well-being and ultimately myself.

• Embrace vulnerability and courage. I’d rate this 7/10. This is a direct outcome of what I went through last year (and am still going through). I am embracing life as it comes, handling daily affairs as they arrive and navigating people as I need to. I will probably face my ultimate test in the middle of the year, but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.

• Nurture relationships that matter. I’d rate this 8/10. I have a clearer view now of what truly matters and have made efforts to invest my energy in the people who do (and consciously not in those who don’t). In this regard, I am glad to have established a better relationship with my sister and my buddy. After a decade, I also sent a text to my brother wishing him a Happy CNY. I recognise that whatever misgivings I have, I need to let them rest - holding onto anger would only punish myself. He is, ultimately, still my brother. He did not reply, and I respect that. Otherwise, I am deeply grateful for the few friends who continue to reach out to me, check in on me, visit me and support me.

• Deepen my spiritual practice. I’d rate this 7/10. I’ve maintained my daily meditations unless I have early engagements. I also make it a point to attend Buddhist classes every Sunday unless I have to conduct training. Otherwise, I remind myself to live life according to what is taught. It’s definitely not easy, but I will consistently keep this in mind.

• Care for my health and well-being. I’d rate this 6.5/10. This is probably the lowest rating for me compared to the other points. I started the year well with my walks, exercises, and careful diet, but I’ve slacked over the past month or so. The most telling sign is the weight gain. I need to be more disciplined and put more work into this.

Of course, the ratings are somewhat arbitrary, but they give me a sense of where I am and how much more attention each area requires. Overall, I feel I’m progressing well this year, and I’m glad I listed these broad focus areas - they’ve guided me effectively so far.

Grateful 5 Mar: Abundance

I woke up today feeling good, knowing that I have managed to clear most of the weight I gained over the past week or so. It was a reassuring start to the day, and it reminded me that with a bit of discipline and consistency, things can be brought back into balance again. The day itself went by rather routinely - with my usual exercises, work, and quiet moments in between. I also had a visit from B, who had just returned from his hometown. This visit end up being the highlight of the day. So today, I find myself grateful for the following: 

• Dinner & Food. B visited and brought dinner along with some food from his hometown. I am always touched by this simple but thoughtful gesture. Each time he goes home, he makes the effort to remember this friend of his and brings something back for me. Such thoughts and acts carry a great deal of warmth and kindness and I am deeply grateful of. 

• Lovely Evening. I also thank B for the nice evening chatting, listening to songs and catching up. He recommended and we watched Comrades: Almost a Love Story (1996) (picture above). It was such a lovely show! Watching Maggie Cheung and Leon Lai on screen again brought back a wave of nostalgia. And of course, hearing Teresa Teng’s songs once more added to that familiar, sentimental feeling. There was a great evening - not just from the film and music, but also the conversation, and the simple joy of spending time with a friend. Some films and songs seem to carry a timeless quality - they bring us back to another era and remind us of how certain emotions never really change. 

• Abundance Again. And so I end the day with plenty of food in my fridge once again! Not only from B, but also because my sis dropped by too and brought even more food. Just when I thought I had finally managed to clear most of the food in my fridge, it is now fully stocked again. Haha. It feels a little ironic, considering how hard I have been working to manage my weight. Nonetheless, I give thanks to these warmth and abundance. 

I end the day feeling rather full and slightly bloated and the cycle of weight gain and weight loss will have to begin all over again. But then again, this is hardly something to complain about. All the food in my fridge represents the care and generosity of people around me. In that sense, I remain deeply grateful to be surrounded by such warmth, not only from my sister, but also from friends who continue to remember me in their own quiet ways. A quiet abundance, indeed.

Grateful 3 Mar: CNY Chap Goh Meh

This is the final day of CNY and it’s an important day for many. We call it “Chap Goh Meh” or Hokkien for “The Fifteenth Night”. It is also the first full moon of the Chinese calendar. Let me thus give thanks to the following:

• Family. I had a surprise text from my sis last afternoon inviting me for Chap Goh Meh dinner tonight. It turned out to be a lovely curry fish head dinner with her and my brother-in-law. I am glad and thankful that I am able to spend this special day with family - a day when many gather for a final round of CNY reunion.

• Dinner. We had a curry fish head zichar dinner - an unusual dinner for a CNY get-together. But as I had reflected previously, having such multicultural fare is something very normal for us. The curry fish head, together with dishes such as ginseng chicken, sinchew noodles, made for a sumptuous meal - a very nice treat from the usual home-cooked fare that I had been eating these days. And we had another round of yusheng too!

• Blood Moon. Today is an auspicious day for us. And to have a total lunar eclipse on this particular day is certainly rare. Some may call it an ill omen, as a lunar eclipse is said to be akin to the dragon swallowing the moon - which I was made to believe when I was a kid living in the kampung - but not to me. I’m glad I lived to experience such a rare occasion, although regrettably I only get to see the partial eclipse as it was cloudy during the full eclipse.

As the first full moon marks the close of this festive season, I end the day with a quiet heart - grateful for family, for simple joys, and for the rare moments the heavens choose to remind us how small, yet blessed, we are.