lead of the family

for the longest time ever, there had not been a gathering of my paternal-side relatives. thus, my cousin's wedding dinner last evening was, to me, a significant event. i must say it was a very good turn out of family members. my elders all turned up in force. and i suspect that this good turn out was in a way a result of many who felt that this could possibly the last occasion where all of us, common descendants of our great grandfather, could congregate together again. my dad's siblings and their children (my first cousins), my dad's cousins, their children (my second cousins), and so on... most turned up.

and i found myself assuming a lead position insofar as my family is concerned. i was in charge. i had assumed the head of my family now that my dad was no longer around. with this responsibility, the need to behave as one came very naturally. it was not something that i had planned. but it was something that just occurred when my dad's siblings and cousins (my aunts and uncles) all came up to me and talked to me with a tone that was rather serious and without any question about the new status that was entrusted upon me. interestingly, this consciousness also made me extra aware of the fact that i must also reciprocate my elder's acknowledgment of me as a lead of my family. and as a mark of respect to my elders, i went up to my 3rd uncle to `officially' congratulate him. he is now technically the most senior male elder for his generation. and i'd also make sure that i symbolically go to all my dad's siblings to pay my respects.

admittedly, this consciousness of status took me by surprise. is this just me or is this something seen in all chinese families? or is it an asian thing? am i, or are we so influenced by confucious' teachings of the family as the core of our existence that it has become part of our behavioural dna?

i am still thinking.