Grateful 6 Apr: Peace

I think it might be because of the very busy and mentally stimulating day I had yesterday. I slept really well last night and woke up feeling clear-headed, energetic, and refreshed. Perhaps it is also because I feel relatively confident about the training preparation I have done over the past few days, and quietly assured that I will be able to hold the class this coming Friday. And so, let me give thanks for the following today:

• Meditation. It must have been the good night’s sleep, for I woke up feeling very clear-minded and peaceful. This allowed me to meditate and hold the stillness for a good half hour without much effort, for which I am grateful. Thinking about it, this calmness is likely the result of both the full day I had yesterday and the clearing of my “mental knot”.

• Confidence. I felt good about my training preparation. I have not felt this way for a while, especially when I am about to teach a new subject this Friday. I went through the details again this morning, systematically - starting from the admin, the name list (with a last-minute insertion of a new learner, again...), the assessment reports, the activity workbook, the assessment settings in the portal, and finally the lesson content. There are, of course, some still outstanding admin matters, but these can be completed quickly on the training day itself. For being able to reach where I am now, I give thanks for the many iterations and the preparation I have put in over the past days and weeks. I look forward to delivering the training.

• Breaking the habit. I decided against recording the details of my meals in ChatGPT today. I have been doing it diligently since early Nov 2025 in my efforts to monitor my weight and I had my fair share of struggles with ChatGPT for the constant chiding of what I should eat for each meal. I woke up today almost 2kg heavier than usual, and I am quite certain it was due to the heavy Chinese dinner I had last evening - all the soups, the meats, and so on. But I also realised I had been too strict with myself, to the point of not being able to simply enjoy life. What is the point of imprisoning myself with all the records and getting so worked up about my food intake after each meal? When I think about it, it is actually quite amusing that I should get annoyed with ChatGPT for chiding me about my sodium intake, how much protein I had missed, and what I should make up for, etc. So today, I chose not to record my meals. So what if I end the day weighing a little heavier. What the heck, right? So yes, I am grateful to myself for making this deliberate decision to rid myself of this behaviour, and I am at peace with it.

Yet again, I am reminded that balance is important. It is not about absolute control, but also about knowing when to loosen the grip. Being disciplined - such as devoting time to training preparation - is important, as it gives me peace of mind; but when a behaviour that began as discipline starts to control me, it becomes, in itself, a problem. I am grateful for this realisation.