Grateful 15 Apr: Negative Energies

Today I was once again reminded to focus on what I want and to put negative people and energies aside. This feels like the strongest reminder for me today, and one I want to pause and be genuinely grateful for. There are also a few other things I want to capture.

• Boundaries. I received an unexpected WhatsApp message from someone that carried a very negative tone. The message said I had offered to cut his hair but hadn’t followed through in 2 weeks, and therefore I was not serious. It ended with him saying he would not contact me anymore, and included a remark along the lines of someone else judging me. What surprised me was the tone, not just the content. I had actually been waiting for him to confirm a time. This is also a pattern I’ve seen over the past 2 years - he reaches out, blocks me when unhappy, then comes back again later, and repeats the cycle. I’ve told myself many times that this is just how he is, and I’ve tolerated it. But honestly, it has also been draining over time. Even in something as simple as a haircut, there has been repeated criticism about it being too short, despite me checking in on the length he wanted. When I received his message today, I felt a mix of frustration and clarity. I replied briefly, said I would not continue contact, and blocked him. I think part of me feels relieved, but another part also recognises that I let this continue longer than I should have. There is gratitude, but also honesty - this didn’t suddenly become clear today. I’ve known for a while.

• “Know, just know”. I was also reminded of something a Buddhist nun/teacher once said: “Know, just know.” The idea is simple - not everything needs a reaction. Some things can just be observed and left alone. This came to mind because of a peer trainer I work with who is quite reactive and tends to have an opinion on almost everything, even things that don’t affect her directly. Recently she has been texting a lot about complaints and course issues. I did tell her to focus on what she can control, but she struggled with that. Today she tried to call me, and when I didn’t answer, she asked if I had deliberately rejected her call. That question made me pause. There was a moment where I wondered about how sensitive or reactive that response was. At the same time, I also noticed something else in myself - I felt grateful that I generally don’t operate in that kind of mental space anymore. But I also recognise there is a slight distance forming in how I view people like this.

• Gen AI. Over the last couple of days, I’ve started receiving student submissions and discussion posts as part of my training work. It is quite tedious to go through each submission, and writing individual responses takes a lot of time. I’m grateful for Gen AI here. I use it to draft initial responses, then I review, edit, and add my own professional input so it reflects my voice. It makes the process more efficient, but I’m also aware I still need to stay fully engaged so the responses don’t become mechanical.

Today feels like a day where gratitude is not only about appreciation, but also about honesty. Some of it is clarity, some of it is frustration, some of it is relief. And underneath all of it, I realise I am still learning how to recognise patterns earlier, and act on them sooner, instead of only gaining clarity after I’ve already been stretched by them.