Grateful 21 Apr: Restlessness

Since last weekend, I’ve been trying out a new routine. Instead of concentrating my walks in the middle of the day, I’m spreading them out and heading out as early as I can. Alongside this, I’m allowing myself to work outside whenever I feel like it, rather than sticking strictly to working from home. I’m still not quite used to this routine, and I think that partly explains the restlessness I felt today. In some ways, that restlessness defined the rhythm of my day - I found myself heading out to Chinatown after lunch for tea (where I ate my favourite tau sar piah), and walked around Eastpoint in the evening just to pass time. Against this backdrop, I’m grateful for a few things. 

• K. I’ve known K since our uni days, and she was the first person I came out to in the 90s. We’ve stayed in touch over the years. She reached out yesterday asking if I could help review a strategy paper, and I agreed, even though I wasn’t entirely sure how useful I could be. This morning, she sent a long message expressing her thanks and sharing the challenges she’s been facing over the past weeks. It took time for the details of the message to sink in, and I chose to respond only later. Reflecting on it, I’m grateful for the trust and openness she showed. It’s clearly a difficult period for her and I’m glad she felt she could reach out to me. 

• Work. These past weeks, work has been top of my mind. I’m delivering modules that are either new or that I haven’t taught in a while, such as the one I’m teaching this Thursday and Friday. Still, I’m grateful that I’ve made good progress with the admin prep and in re-familiarising myself with the content. There’s more to complete by tomorrow, but I think I’m on track to get there. 

• Weight. I’ve not been tracking my calories for coming to a fortnight now, yet I’ve managed to keep my weight stable. However, I can sense I’m getting a bit more rounded. I’ve been eating more freely, so while the numbers are holding, I think the composition might be shifting. I may need to return to managing my macronutrients more intentionally. For now, though, I’m grateful that I’ve been able to keep things in check without too much effort. 

Looking back, today felt unsettled on the surface, but I can see that much of it comes from adjusting to this new routine I’m trying to build. Beneath that restlessness, there were still quiet anchors - trust in a long-standing friendship, steady progress in my work, and a sense of balance in how I’m managing myself. Perhaps this is just part of settling into a new rhythm, and for now, I just have to leave it to time.