Grateful 11 Apr: An unplanned day

It was another unplanned day, but one that began with a rare sense of restfulness. I woke up without urgency, without an agenda pressing on my mind, and decided to let the day unfold at its own pace. After the intensity of the past few days, perhaps this was exactly what I needed - a day to slow down, to listen to my body, and to simply be. So today, I give thanks for the following: 

• A good night’s sleep. I had a genuinely restful sleep last night - so much so that I cannot even recall waking up in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed early because I was feeling quite unwell - exhausted, feverish, light-headed, and slightly giddy. It was likely the result of several intense days leading up to my training. When I checked, my blood pressure was normal, but my heart rate was at 89 bpm - way higher than my usual 69 - 72. That was enough for me to take two tablets of muscle relaxant and painkiller and turn in early. Sleep came quickly. I woke up around 8am, lingered in bed a little longer, and finally got up at 9am, feeling noticeably better. I am grateful for how the body, when given rest, knows how to restore itself. 

• A relaxing day. By all measures, today turned out to be a slow and easy day.  I received quite a few "invites" during the afternoon for "fun" in Grindr, but turned them all down. Not too into meeting up with people I do not know, tbh. Anyway, I was supposed to attend an appreciation tea in the afternoon, but I made a last-minute decision to opt out. Instead, I went window shopping around Paya Lebar, Simei, and Tampines - walking through 4 - 5 malls in total. Somewhere along the way, I treated myself to a bowl of laksa for afternoon tea. Only then did it hit me - it was Saturday. The crowds were overwhelming! I suppose I have been away from the rhythm of a typical 5-day work week for too long. As I walked through the malls, seeing friends and families laughing and chatting, I felt a slight pang of sadness - a quiet awareness of something I have not experienced in a while. Yet, at the same time, I recognise that I do value my solitude. Perhaps this is simply part of living life as a single person - moments of both stillness and longing, co-existing. 

• A slow evening. The day ended on a quiet note. I found myself feeling a little bored (and, admittedly, a little horny - perhaps a sign that the body is well rested… alright, I digress), and eventually settled into watching a movie on YouTube. I opened a bottle of beer, paired it with fish nuggets and some cashew nuts - I could not be more “uncle” if I tried, right? Haha… It was a slow, calming evening, very comfortable and a strong contrast to the noise and crowds of the afternoon. It was a nice way to end the day. 

Today was not eventful, nor particularly productive in the conventional sense. But it worked for me, given the recent preoccupation with many things. It surfaced a quiet truth - that while solitude brings peace, it can also reveal moments of longing. And it reminded me that I am learning to sit more comfortably with both.