Grateful 14 Apr: Transitioning, still

I’ve realised that I’ve forgotten quite a number of things without even being aware of it - and perhaps that is what forgetting is all about. Is it something I should be concerned about? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe yes, maybe no. But one thing I do know is that it’s something I can be grateful for, because it frees up mental space for me to focus on what truly matters.

• Things I’ve forgotten. I didn’t realise how much I had forgotten until today, when B texted me about a piece of news I had previously shared: about someone who caused another person’s death and is now awaiting trial. My mind went completely blank when he mentioned it, and I had to ask him to explain it again to help me recall. It struck me then that I haven’t been retaining certain things, and that I’ve been rather forgetful recently. There were moments when I felt concerned - wondering if my meditation practice might have contributed to this, or if there could be an underlying issue such as early dementia. Then again, I remembered that I had taken a cognitive assessment about some years ago, and the results suggested that I was fine. Whatever the case, I’m grateful for this reminder - not as a cause for alarm, but as a gentle nudge to stay mindful of my mental health and to care for it more intentionally.

• Low intensity stress. I don’t think I’m under any major stress, but I do sense a persistent, low-level tension beneath the surface. It may be related to my current lifestyle and whether it is sustainable in the long run. Since leaving corporate life 3 years ago, I’ve been adjusting, perhaps somewhat awkwardly, to a semi-retired, freelance way of living. These thoughts came to the fore after a conversation I had today with a colleague-turned-coachee-turned-friend, who is currently trying to find a clearer direction for herself. As I listened to her, I found myself becoming more reflective about my own state - where I am, what I might be overlooking, and what truly matters at this stage of my life. If I’m honest, there is a quiet but constant concern about finances - not overwhelming but present enough to sit at the back of my mind despite having done my sums many times. Perhaps it’s time for me to revisit this once again. Regardless, I am grateful for the awareness - because it allows me to acknowledge what is present, rather than avoid it, and to make more considered choices moving forward.

• Things that matter. Amidst these possible concerns - or perhaps I am overthinking - I find myself grateful for the mental capacity and space I now have. Perhaps this forgetfulness is not a loss but a reallocation - letting go of what is no longer needed and to make space for what matters now. It has allowed me to focus on things I previously didn’t have the capacity for: supporting others in their career decisions, walking alongside people as they navigate their life directions, and being present in ways that feel meaningful. In some ways, the conversation today reminded me that while I help others find clarity, I too am still in the process of shaping my own. I am grateful for this shared journey where giving and learning happen at the same time. These are the things that give my life a deeper sense of purpose, even as I continue to find my balance.

To be honest, I hadn’t anticipated that this post-corporate transition would last this long. Yet, perhaps it is less about duration and more about self-discovery - about staying present to the questions, both mine and those of others. In that sense, the forgetfulness, the concerns, and the search for meaning are not separate, but part of my mind adjusting to this new phase. And for that, I am grateful. It gives me the space to reflect, to recalibrate, and to grow in ways I might not have otherwise allowed myself. What matters now is not rushing towards certainty, but remaining aware, making thoughtful adjustments, and continuing to shape a life that feels both sustainable and meaningful.