for my mum, living ones' dreams meant a whole different meaning altogether.
given her anxiety, she has been dreaming almost nightly about her late father (my grandfather) coming to her and giving her advice. and she would tell me about her dreams almost daily. and invariably, they would revolve around my graddad telling her to avoid my sister-in-law, the maid and my brother. also, my late grandfather would tell her to only stay with me, go out with me wherever i go (apart from work), and to rely on no one but me. also, all the past characters in her life would somehow appear and tell her about how, amongst all her children, i would be the only one that would provide her with good life and look after her in her old age.
all her dreams are variants of this and well, you can imagine how convinced she would be in the daytime. i always make it a point to speak good of my brother and my sisters. but somehow she would time and again, tell me not to be so "naive" and believe they are good cos her late father (my grandfather) had told her otherwise. and when i asked how my grandfather would know my sister-in-law as he had been dead since 1985, my mum would look at me and say "why not? he is dead. and the dead would know everything!"...
hmmm... how to respond to such an answer? hmmm... i simply change the topic. no point trying to tell her it is wrong. at best, she would take it. at worst, she would get even more confused and anxious. so, just let it be. easier to just accept this as her point of view, change the topic, and move on.
:-)
given her anxiety, she has been dreaming almost nightly about her late father (my grandfather) coming to her and giving her advice. and she would tell me about her dreams almost daily. and invariably, they would revolve around my graddad telling her to avoid my sister-in-law, the maid and my brother. also, my late grandfather would tell her to only stay with me, go out with me wherever i go (apart from work), and to rely on no one but me. also, all the past characters in her life would somehow appear and tell her about how, amongst all her children, i would be the only one that would provide her with good life and look after her in her old age.
all her dreams are variants of this and well, you can imagine how convinced she would be in the daytime. i always make it a point to speak good of my brother and my sisters. but somehow she would time and again, tell me not to be so "naive" and believe they are good cos her late father (my grandfather) had told her otherwise. and when i asked how my grandfather would know my sister-in-law as he had been dead since 1985, my mum would look at me and say "why not? he is dead. and the dead would know everything!"...
hmmm... how to respond to such an answer? hmmm... i simply change the topic. no point trying to tell her it is wrong. at best, she would take it. at worst, she would get even more confused and anxious. so, just let it be. easier to just accept this as her point of view, change the topic, and move on.
:-)
5 comments:
Hi, I also do not attempt to change or correct the views of my parents or mother-in-law as I know they are not open to alternative views or ideas. Hence, I won't tell them about my gay son.
Yesterday, I was at my dad's. The whole family (almost) gathered together to pray for the 7th month. My teen son wasn't there. He wasn't a believer in this practice. Some of his cousins were there and they were sharing gay jokes. I was glad my teen son wasn't there although he said he had somehow got used to these jokes, having heard them (some directed at him) all too often.
Maybe the next time we meet, I shall share with them LGBTQ information. I think they did that out of sheer ignorance due to their traditional upbringing and negative protrayal of the LGBT group by our media.
I told my elder sis and eldest bro about my teen son. I also hope that my nephews and neices would likewise accept their cousin for the person he is and not despise him because he happens to have feelings for people of the same sex. At the end of the day, aren't we all HUMANS who deserve love, respect and equal rights?
I didn't tell anybody on my husband's side though; although his elder bro knew about it when my son casually asked the uncle whom he used to respect a lot what he thought of the gays. His reply utterly devastated my son. He said that gays were mentally unsound people. Recently his Christian cousin called him a freak on twitter.
My husband is silent on the matter. He questioned why my son is wearing the rainbow band on his wrist and whether he feels so proud being a gay and proclaiming himself as one. I think it's hard for him to accept. The first question he asked me when I revealed our son's sexual orientation to him was whether it could be cured. Even after I have shared with him a lot of information on homosexuality, it is still hard for him.
:|
hey, i am not sure about your son but if i were him, i would have preferred my mum to keep this to herself and not tell anyone, leaving the coming out to be managed by me.
well, then again, i guessed you and your son might have some common understanding in how this is to be managed. you are certainly a very supportive mother.
:-)
Hi, my son is different. He can't wait to come out to everybody. In fact, he refused to heed my advice and came out in his blog when he was in Sec 3. He had to face the consequences as almost everybody in school found out about it. They shunned him, walked out on him because they were afraid, talked behind his back, ... It took some time for the dust to settle. I was glad he was leaving secondary school after O levels to get a new start. On a positive note, he also found true friends from secondary school after coming out.
He did very well in his O levels and qualified for the top JCs but he wanted out of the suffocating education system and opted for poly instead. His father was upset with his decision. Not having the opportunity for a U education, he had hoped his son could do so to secure a better future. Despite our advice, our son sent in his application for the JAE on the first instance in order that nobody could stop him and make him change his mind. That's my son - rather rash, very defiant and opinionated.
This Christmas he actually planned to bring a friend (male) along to my in-laws Christmas dinner. We gather for Christmas dinner annually. I put my foot down and forbade him to do so. He is rather self-centred and doesn't see how much misery he would bring to my MIL and his father should he do that.
And he aspires to be a LGBT activist. He is happier in poly for he found people like him who understand exactly how he feels.
I only revealed to selected people whom I know will try to understand and accept my son.
hi ladybird, whatever the case, it is good that he made the decision and he takes the responsibility of making that decision. from what i can see, your son is a very intelligent person and i am sure he is sufficiently mature to decide how he wants to live his life.
that is a good thing. i always believe that glbts tend to be more mature for their age becos of the things life throw at us. it forces us to see things from a underdog perspective and to fight hard to get things. makes us a lot resilient and strong.
Thanks, I hope so too. Then I don't have to worry so much about him.
:)
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