it is very expensive to look after the elderly. was so when my dad and mum stayed with me previously. and is the same now that my mum has moved in again after 3 years! it has been 3 plus weeks since she moved in to my place and the bills are mounting pretty fast. the frequent medical bills, the food, the washing, the diapers, the daily needs, etc...
but no, i am not complaining. i am merely reflecting. i have to look after and provide for my mum. that is my responsibility. even if i have to miss my meals to feed her, i will happily do so. afterall, she had gone through lots of hardship just to bring me up. what more can i do now that she is reliant on me to provide for all her basic needs now.
as long as she is comfortable and happy.
:-)
but no, i am not complaining. i am merely reflecting. i have to look after and provide for my mum. that is my responsibility. even if i have to miss my meals to feed her, i will happily do so. afterall, she had gone through lots of hardship just to bring me up. what more can i do now that she is reliant on me to provide for all her basic needs now.
as long as she is comfortable and happy.
:-)
5 comments:
Hi, medical fees (hospitalisation) alone can cost an arm and a leg. My dad's bill came up to $4K for his 16-days' stay and he opted for C ward.
My MIL was admitted twice earlier this year for irregular heartbeat. They did an angioscopy and her bill was $10K! She was in the B1 ward.
I am trying my best to eat healthily because I hope not to burden my sons. My only problem now is not having sufficient rest. I used to dispense health advice to my husband and SIL but I stopped because there was no point in it. They must want to be healthy and make the change themselves.
I also asked my husband to stop feeding my MIL junk/fast food. He is of the opinion that life is short we should let her enjoy her food (but live a poor quality of life and suffer because of ill health?).
My MIL can hardly walk because of her asthma and being over-weight. She has to take a cab just to get to the road opposite. My husband and my in-laws live to eat and not vice versa.
well ladybird, one thing i learned about managing old people is that we have to manage their expectations. when speaking with them, it is important to see things from their point of view. even when we do things that we feel it is good for them, what is most important is that they must agree. otherwise, they would feel that we are not taking care of them well.
case in point is that about providing food to elderly. my mum, like your mil eats well (which is actually a good thing cos it reflects their ability to still enjoy this little bit of indulgence). my sis however felt that she should cut down and gives her very little. she did so in consideration of her decreased mobility when she puts on weight. but my mum did not take it too well and always felt hungry.
i shared with my sis that what is important is not about cutting down the portion. we can be creative about it by say, giving more vegetables and proteins and lower the carbohydrate. stage it such that the fibre fills her before we give the carbo and let her reject the carbo by herself. this way, she would feel full and be happy/ satisfied.
also, with regards giving more or less junk food, i think the key point is about moderation. too much is bad, too little makes the heart yearn and the body weak and is not good either. so, do it in moderation. for me, i do provide my mum with junk food and nonya kuehs etc. these are the little indulgence that she can still enjoy. and it is important to do so before the day comes when she can no longer eat... and we live to regret not giving her what she likes...
share this with you - my dad was given strict diet restrictions by the doctor when he was terribly ill (no/ less salt diet). but he keeps asking for food like hor fun and popiah. we did not give it to him for fear of it worsening his health. but at one point, we realized that denying him the popiah was not the best thing altogether and decided to buy him one. but i shared with him and i took most of it. he felt satisfied that he had had the popiah. he passed away not less than a month after that...
reflecting, i was glad i gave him what he wanted before it was too late. you can read about my dilemma at that time in the following post...
http://dancer66.blogspot.com/2008/07/to-eat-or-not-to-eat.html
Hi, thanks for your views. I can understand the dilemma concerning your dad.
The problem with my MIL's diet is she eats outside food (hawker/Macdonald/KFC) every day. My BIL who is living with her does not cook. Due to her breathlessness, body aches and decreased mobility, she also finds it a hassle to cook for just 2 persons.
Because of her asthma and weight problem, and now irregular heartbeat as well, she walks little and therefore does not exercise. Every day she is holed up within the 4 walls of her house, not able to go anywhere until the weekend when her other children who drive come to visit. Going up and down the flight of stairs leading to her home is a strenuous and tortuous task for her.
Maybe I am different. Even during my two pregnancies, I did not have any cravings for food. When it comes to food, I am very disciplined. I count myself lucky in this aspect. I feel I have to because as a mother, especially when my children were very young, I am on call 24/7, hence I have to feel well to function well.
My dad had colorectal cancer 3 years ago. He was hospitalised recently because of intestinal obstruction secondary to adhesions which were the result of his earlier surgery. He also suffers from HBP. Both my mum and MIL have to take a host of medications for HBP, high cholesterol, high blood sugar... My brothers, my younger sister, my SIL (both in their 40s), my BIL and my husband have high cholesterol. My SIL also suffers from thrombosis who may result in stroke and her children are still very young.
Maybe I worry too much. I told my husband that if we love our children, we have to stay healthy for them, especially when they still need us to take care of them. I told my children if they love their parents, they should take good care of their health. During my dad's hospitalisation, my mum thought of and wept for my deceased brother again. Time can hardly heal the sorrow of losing one's child.
for me, the bottom line is - do what i think is responsible and meaningful, and not compromising my values and believes.
i do not try nor expect others to provide for me or to care for me. this would include my children (not that i have any). if they do look after me, it must be out of a sense of responsibility and love and not because i have asked for it. the thing is - to have this outcome, i must show them my love and to bring them up with the right values.
in this way, they will be happy looking after me and i will be happy living with them.
Hi, my husband and I do not expect our sons to care for us during our old age. Their generation is very different from ours. If they do care for us in future, we will take it as a bonus.
For us, we grew up learning the importance of filial piety. We are grateful and respectful to our parents and consider it our responsibility to take care of them. However, my elder son holds the view that respect should be earned; just because we are their parents or their elders doesn't mean he would respect us. If we are being difficult, unreasonable, inconsiderate and unfair, he would not.
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