Knife

“Knife” is one of my favourite songs from my secondary school days. I was really into it back then - it felt intense and emotional, and I would sing it like I meant every word. But funny enough, it never quite stuck with me over the years, not like how some other songs did.

For some reason, it came to mind today while I was listening to old songs on my phone, so I looked it up online. It felt nice to hear it again - and to sing along, of course. Strangely, I think this might be the first time I’ve really paid attention to the lyrics. I used to sing (or scream) this song whenever it came on the radio. And even now, I can still do it without thinking twice about the words. But honestly, I never quite took in the full extent of what the song was saying. Not until today. 

Thinking back, it’s odd how the lyrics never registered before. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to hear them. Years ago, I had romanticised parts of the lyrics during my breakups (that I had initiated) - even though the song’s about being dumped - and let it mess with me in all the ways possible. But listening to it now, after actually being dumped last year, I can say this about what I went through: I felt the loss and I did grieve. But definitely not in the way the song describes. In retrospect, maybe it was never a conventional relationship to begin with.

The truth is, I did love him - but maybe not in a romantic way. Or maybe he was just there to fill a void when we started, and through the years I was simply doing what I thought was my part. And just like the song, what once felt intense in the moment didn’t quite leave a lasting mark. Well, it doesn’t matter now. Whatever it was, I never felt the kind of heartbreak this song describes. 

It’s been a year, I’ve moved on. 

:-)

Knife

Rockwell (1984)

You touched my life 

With your softness in the night 

My wish was your command 

Until you ran out of love 

I tell myself I'm free 

Got the chance of livin' just for me 

No need to hurry home 

Now that you're gone 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

You cut away the heart of my life 

When I pretend 

Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends 

I wonder if they know 

It's just a show 

I'm on a stage 

Day and night I go through my charades 

But how can I disguise 

What's in my eyes? 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

You cut away the heart of my life 

Oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh, oh, oh, oh 

Oh... 

I've tried and tried 

Blocking out the pain i feel inside

The pain of wanting you 

Wanting you 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

Knife 

Cuts like a knife 

How will I ever heal? 

I'm so deeply wounded 

You cut away the heart 

Of my life