wake & funeral - part 5

re-connecting ties
the wake, as in all life-defining moments, was also a good time for us to rekindle old ties and discover ties that had always been there but never known. as my dad was very close to his siblings, the immediate extended family that comprised all my paternal aunts/ uncles and my cousins all turned up by the second day. it was also interesting that my 3rd uncle (the one that my grandma had given away when he was a baby) also turned up. i last met them some 20-over years ago. they have aged.

the third day was interesting too for my dad's cousin's (children of my grandpa's younger brother and sister) and their children (my second cousins) also turned up. names that sounded familiar but long forgotten crept up again. looking at how they wept when they viewed his body and how they reminisced about how my dad used to joke and play with them, and how my dad had called on them only a few months back, i was again reminded of how far my dad had gone to keep in contact with them. memories of my childhood days and how my dad would bring me to visit them came flooding back. i could no longer put a name to the face anymore. too many years have passed since i last met them.

this whole extended family thing was really interesting, not only for me, but also for some of my second cousins. i was called in to explain how each of us are related and how my nieces should address them. it was a heartwarming experience, even if it was for that moment during the wake.

similarly, the wake and funeral was also a time for long lost friends to reconnect and catch up. on the second nite, quite a few 50-plus year old uncles whom i had never met turned up to pay their respect. i came to learn that these were my uncle's friends. it was kinda weird to think that they had bothered to turn up to pay respect to someone they do not know. but reflecting, it dawned upon me that it was a cultural thing. and perhaps a generation thing. something that i think will not happen in my generation. these uncles were taxi drivers and they their presence was a show of support to my uncle. i mentioned how the wake was not only for my family and i but also for my extended family. their presence affirmed this. the same could be said of my friends. calls and smses of condolences came flooding in non-stop. friends from as far back as my ocs days, itd days some 20 over years ago called and some attended the wake.

the wake and funeral was as much a family affair as it was a time to friends to re-connect. it was a time for the extended family to re-affirm our blood ties. it was also a time for the community to lend their support to those related to the dead. granted that the story of how my dad died was repeated umpteen times. but it is this story that provided us the common platform to re-connect. reflecting, i ask - why must it be that we only meet during such occasions? after going through this last week, i am even more convinced that efforts need to be made to meet up, to show concern, for that matter, to just say `hi'.