the truth

some times, you really don't want to know the truth. for example, till now, i still wonder whether he actually called me when he disappeared last week. he said he tried to call me when he was overseas but i didn't believe him. i know he lied for my telco would send me a message if there was any unsuccessful connections, and when he was there, there was none. but i decided to give him the benefit of doubt.

and  now that things are a little less emotional, i have asked myself if i should ask him again. i would very much like him to come clean with me. at least it would give him back some credibility. but then again, what good will it do to me even if i know. what if the answer is "yes"? what if the answer is "no"? either way, it will do me no good. there will always be this element of doubt and there will also be this belief that he lied. and all things being equal, even if he did, he did not put in enough effort to get to me. bottom-line, the trust i have in him has been dented. 

i should just stop wondering and not know the truth, and just focus on rebuilding the trust. it will take time i supposed and he needs to play his part.

i can forgive, but it is very very difficult to forget.