anticipations

i am frankly anticipating the pain when the kidney stones start to move. moving kidney stones are no small thing. the pain i experienced before was terrible! i was totally incapacitated and i could not do anything other than curl in bed and grimace as my body experienced extremes between chills and high fever.

so, it is with this anticipation that i constantly feel rather uncertain as to when the movement will start. by itself, it is rather an unsettling feeling. not knowing if i will suddenly become incapacitated. what if it happens during my training? what happens if it happens when mum goes cranky? i can only feel a stressed by the uncertainty and anticipation.

this anticipation and stress is made worst by the increased sensitivity to little aches and pains i feel whenever i move. and probably causing me uneasy nights (i had non-stop nightmares last night!) and yes, i woke up this morning to find a cold sore developing on my lower lip. i get cold sores when i experience extreme stress. and this time round, i think it is due to this anticipation... 

and thankfully, my stress is not as bad given that i have made deliberate plans to slow down things at work. i am typing this post at the canteen. and at this immediate moment, what is stressing me is the uneasy feeling in my tummy. i think i need to go to the toilet. haha!

:-)