Grateful 18 Feb: CNY Connections (2)

Today is CNY Day 2, and like yesterday, I want to give thanks for connections - this time in a more direct way. I am grateful for the following: 

• Friends. I give thanks for friends I met today: PY, whom I had breakfast with; M, my buddy, who came over in the afternoon; and JL, who visited me in the evening. Each of them has, in their own way, brought much meaning into my life, and I am thankful for the chance to reconnect. Breakfast with PY was a lovely catch-up. She was my colleague in my last job, and we used to have lunch together regularly. After I left the corporate world, we stayed in contact, and she was one of the first to volunteer as my coachee when I needed hours for my coaching credential. Through those sessions, I came to know her better, and over time, we became friends. I will not go into detail about M, as I have written about him quite a bit recently. As for JL, she is an ex-neighbour from my parents’ place. In fact, I consider her a family friend, having known her for over 40 years. She dropped by today with my sister and brother-in-law, and it was especially nice to see her again after such a long time. 

• Second Sister, Brother-in-law & JL. I am grateful to my second sister and brother-in-law for dropping by with dinner and yusheng. They brought JL along, as she had visited them earlier. It was a warm and meaningful visit, especially in the CNY context. We spent a good amount of time reminiscing about the past. 

• Lou Hei (Yusheng). I am thankful for the chance to toss yusheng with people close to me. This was my second lou hei of the year, and instead of raw fish, my sister used abalone and jellyfish. It was thoughtfully assembled, and I am so very full now. Although yusheng is largely made up of shredded vegetables and pickles, it is not exactly healthy. It comes with sweet sauces, ground nuts, sesame seeds, and other ingredients, making it both calorie and sodium rich. But what the heck right? This is a once-a-year affair and who better to lou the yusheng with than family and close friends? 

It was a good and meaningful day, connecting with people who matter to me. With today, the two-day CNY public holiday comes to an end. Nonetheless, visitations will continue for many over the next two weeks or so. So yeah, it is back to routine.

Gardening & I

I have loved nature since I was young. 

Over time, this interest gradually shifted towards plants and gardening. I enjoy the nurturing process and the satisfaction of watching living things grow. My earliest memory of gardening was when I was about 6 or 7, living in a kampong in Paya Lebar. One particular plant that left a deep impression on me was the “9 o’clock flower”. My landlord explained that it bloomed at 9 o’clock in the morning, and that was how it got its name. Much later, I learned that it is called Portulaca spp. Those were the days when my neighbours would harvest jambu, rambutan, mangoes and other fruits from trees, then eat them marinated in dark sauce, sugar and chilli. Around that time, I planted a mango seed next to the kitchen. I watched it sprout and slowly grow into a sapling. To a small kid, it was a huge achievement. When we eventually moved, I had to leave it behind. That was the first plant I ever grew. 

We moved to Marine Terrace when I was in Primary 2. During science class, I remembered germinating bean sprouts from green beans. Watching the roots emerge was most fascinating. That was also when I began growing plants in pots at home. My regular walk from school was 3 to 4 kilometres, and along the way I often passed abandoned houses where wild epiphytic orchids grew. I would pick them and bring them home, many did not survive. Orchids needed special care, and as an amateur, my gardening knowledge was still very basic. During my teenage years, I kept many different types of plants - most of which I did not even know the names of, and many of which my sister brought home from school. I watered them conscientiously every day. Some died, but others bloomed, and I began propagating them even before I formally learned how to do so. I remember growing money plant (Scindapsus aureus), dumb cane (Dieffenbachia variegata), and many others, repotting them over time as they multiplied. 

I later pursued a degree in biological sciences and graduated with a botany honours degree. I thoroughly enjoyed my biology lessons. I learned about plant physiology, anatomy, wayside trees and commercial botany and so on. My honours year project, in particular, was meaningful. I spent a lot of time in the secondary forests around Singapore studying how plants interact with fauna, soil and their surrounding ecosystems. I did not continue in this field professionally as I had to return to the army to serve my bond but my relationship with plants never ended. As an officer commanding, I made a special effort to bring back plants from training areas, where abandoned houses and gardens were common. My company line ended with lots of beautiful flowering plants such as orchids, bougainvillea, etc. It was really heartening to see how my soldiers, despite their tough exteriors, tending to the garden with extra care. 

Today, gardening remains a cherished hobby. I keep several potted plants on my balcony and take pleasure in looking after them. I would feel bad discarding them, as they have become companions of sorts. Yet, I do not need to own plants to appreciate them. I find the same joy in seeing them along the roadside, while hiking in the forest, or walking through nature reserves.

Grateful 17 Feb: CNY Connections (1)

Today is CNY, and it poured like nobody’s business! Given the recent hot spell, today's rain was such a blessing, but it also meant negotiating rainy weather for my visits. Still it was a good CNY Day 1. So on this day, I give thanks to the following:

• Connecting to my Heritage: Traditions. CNY is a powerful reminder of what it means for me to be Chinese. The rituals we practise - mandarin oranges, auspicious couplets, everything in red, red packets, red banners, well-wishes, the Chinese zodiac - are not just festive customs. They are living expressions of a culture that has shaped how I see family, relationships, and myself. Beyond these visible symbols lie deeper values of order, kinship, and bonds. I use the word “order” in a very Confucian sense - an understanding of where we stand in relation to one another, and how respect is expressed through our words and actions. These traditions connect me to my past and they gave me a deep sense of rootedness. In honouring them, I am not merely celebrating a festival; I am reaffirming my place in my Chinese heritage and in my own sense of “Chineseness”.

• Connecting to Others: Visitations. CNY Day 1 has always been reserved for visiting seniors in the family, with later days set aside for more junior relatives, friends and reciprocal visits. This, apart from hierarchy, also recognises and honour relationships that have shaped me. Through these visitations, family ties are renewed and affirmed meaningfully. Although I usually do not visit friends during CNY, today was an exception. I visited a friend who is battling oesophageal cancer. Giving him the Day 1 “privilege” felt important - because he is older than me, because this may be his last CNY, and because he is unable to visit his relatives and friends as he is still observing his 1-year mourning period for his late mother. I am deeply thankful that he allowed me to visit, as not many people would accept visitors during such a time.

• Connecting to Self: Rest. Because of the heavy rain, the absence of uncles, and the fact that I had already visited my aunt yesterday, today turned into a superbly restful day. I could not clean the house (lest I sweep away good luck), I did not need to cook (thanks to leftovers from CNY reunion dinner), and my only visitation was late in the afternoon. I spent a large part of the day using AI to restore old black-and-white family photos, colourising them, and sharing them with my cousins and sisters. I was initially worried that they might find my "spamming" of their WhatsApp bothersome but their positive responses surprised me. One of them even asked me for "more more more"! Grateful that I could bring some joy to them on this auspicious day. Although unplanned, I found connection not through visits, but through memory, shared history, and affection.  

CNY Day 1 went by quickly. Tomorrow is CNY Day 2 and my sis will visit me tomorrow, after which I will return the visit and drop by her place for dinner. It will also be a small get together with an old neighbour. I look forward to it.

Grateful - 16 Feb: Family

Today is CNY eve and it’s a day where families gather for reunion dinners and where bonds are remembered and strengthened. Let me then give thanks to “Family”, from a gay person’s perspective - my perspective:

• Immediate Family: The term “immediate family” used to include my partner and my siblings, not so much their kids. Now, it’s just my siblings. My relationships with them have been uneven (for eg, I am not on talking terms with my brother). Despite this, I am thankful for their presence in my life. My interactions with my eldest sister and brother-in-law these days occur far and few between, but the warmth and sense of siblingship are felt in her messages during festive seasons and important days, such as birthdays. For my second sister and her husband, I am grateful for their support when I needed it and for the frequent visits - bringing food or simply checking in to see how I’m managing.

• Extended Family: I am grateful to my extended family. They include relative from both my maternal and paternal sides. I am closer to my paternal side and meet up with my aunts more often - perhaps due to my traditional upbringing. Interacting with them reminds me of my heritage and gives me a sense of rootedness and identity. Similar to previous years, I joined my aunt and her family for their Chinese New Year reunion dinner. She always makes it a point to invite me over and fuss over what to cook. I felt a little bad about imposing, but my cousin assured me that my presence has always been the highlight for her. I’m glad I could bring her some joy today, and I also look forward to joining my other aunt for their family get-together next week.

• Non-blood-related Family: As a gay person, non-blood-related family is a major part of my life, and I am grateful for the support they give. I am referring to my close friends, who fill the vacuum created by the absence of a “traditional” family. These friends play an increasingly important part in my life, especially as members of my parents’ generation dwindle and the extended family disperses. I am thankful to them for their care and concern - checking in on me frequently, visiting, or quietly keeping up with me on social media, sending messages like, “You hardly post anything anymore, everything okay?” “How come you lost so much weight? Hope you are well!” or, “I may not text often but you’re in my thoughts,” or, “Please don’t hesitate to reach out anytime you need, okay?” etc.

I am grateful to my 3 families above. Our interactions is manifested and expressed in mutual respect, encouragement, care, concern and support. That is how we love each other, although the word “love” was hardly ever articulated. Happy Chinese New Year Eve and may everyone continue to celebrate the bonds you have with your families!

Picture shows the CNY must-haves in my home: mandarin oranges, leek, niangao (年糕).

What Would You Change…

“Share one thing you would change if you were to relive your life again…” I’ve often come across this question in social media and tbh, have been asked a couple of times in my life. Last time, I would probably say things like - choose a different career, be a doctor, etc. These days, I’ll simply say: Nothing. 

Perhaps it’s a sign of maturity and perhaps a reflection of my focus on what I can control vs what I cannot control. I am what I am today due to my life’s journey, the experiences it had provided, positive or otherwise; and I have learned much from them. I am thankful for all that and I do not wish for a different past. What’s past cannot be undone and wishing for a different past suggests regrets. What I think most important now is to ask myself: what do I want for my future self and what can I do to realize it. This is more generative and pushes me to think and do things more purposefully. Today is tomorrow’s past - so I want today to be contributing to tomorrow’s success, not regrets.

I am reminded of this cos during the career fair, someone came up to me and asked “what would you tell your 30 year old self.” It’s a question that I have not even thought about. Still, I went with the flow and said things that I thought the fair organisers would want to hear - operating environment changes very fast, digitalisation, gen AI, important to learn unlearn relearn, be relevant, be open, explore… etc. you get the drift.

Yup… a tad random but this thought arose as just I had my breakfast and I thought it is nice to capture it here. Happy Chinese New Year Eve!

Grateful - 15 Feb: Togetherness

Just need to buy my mandarin oranges and I will complete my CNY shopping. And I can see my neighbours busy doing the same! So today I give thanks to:

• Neighbours. On my way out to get my CNY stuff, I met my 4th floor neighbour, M. She’s a chatty person and never fails to have a chat whenever we chance upon each other. Admittedly, I did find her a bit nosy initially, but over time I’ve accepted her as she is. And today, as we chatted, another neighbour from the 8th floor, Mr & Mrs K, walked by. They had arranged to head to the CNY bazaar for their CNY shopping! M asked if I wanted to join them, but Mrs K said, “I don’t think he wants la. He needs to head to the coffee shop for his coffee…” It’s a simple remark, but it tells me people notice, and people remember. Quite a warm feeling, I must say.

• Community. During major festivals, the sense of community feels very strong. And certainly, during CNY, the sense of community amongst Chinese Singaporeans is accentuated. In this regard, I’m grateful for the efforts over the last 4 decades to bring all dialect groups together. Today, we are all Chinese Singaporeans. It doesn’t matter if we are Hokkien (or its many sub-variants), Teochew, Hakka, Cantonese, Hockchew, Henghua, etc… we all speak Chinese and we celebrate CNY similarly. This contrasts with Singapore a century ago, when Chinese of different dialect groups fought each other…

• Country. There’s a certain feeling of warmth and inclusivity I get whenever we celebrate major festivals, be it CNY, Hari Raya, Deepavali, or even Christmas! The mood is highly energising and, in a huge way, brings people together. We don’t really just celebrate as a community, we celebrate as a country! So we have strangers walking by and wishing each other Happy Chinese New Year, or Selamat Hari Raya, or Happy Deepavali - whatever the festival may be to celebrants. It’s so nice to be living in Singapore, where people celebrate each other, regardless of race, language, or religion. I am thankful to be born here. I am blessed.

Tomorrow is CNY eve. And we count down to CNY, I give thanks to Singapore that celebrates multiculturalism, the community I live in, and my neighbours. 

Grateful - 14 Feb: Love

Today is Valentine’s Day. And as it’s just a couple of days before CNY, celebrations aren’t very obvious from what I’ve seen. Still, it’s a day to celebrate love - and more broadly, friendships. And here’s my grateful list today:

• Valentine’s Day. I’m thankful there’s a day to celebrate love. When I was younger, Valentine’s Day was mostly about lovers. And if you got invited to dinner, it would basically be a “do you want to be my special half?” moment. It’s nice to see it becoming more inclusive now - friends can celebrate too. Having said that, VD dinners are totally overpriced, mass-produced, and honestly not worth it. Agree?

• Friends. I am thankful for friends, past and present. As a gay person, friends are probably the closest thing next to family. They may come and go, but for as long as they are around, they provide us with the support we need. Today, I received a couple of Happy Valentines messages from friends. While it is not expected, it still warms my heart to know and there are friends who make a point to send VD wishes. And last night, my buddy came over and brought chocolates too. So sweet right?

• Exes. It’s highly unintuitive to hear of one to give thanks to exes but I thought it’s important to give thanks when it’s due. For all the good and bad, my 3 exes that were with me through my last 3 decades made me what I am today. They showed me I am fully capable to love and my desire to be loved. I’ve been single since April 2024. It’s been an interesting 2 years and I’ve learned further about myself. By giving thanks for my exes, it simply reflect a simple truth - that I’m comfortable and confident with what I am now: a single person enjoying my present moments and keeping my options open.

And it just struck me that we only have 2 more days to go before CNY! Omg! I better not forget to get some important CNY stuff tomorrow - mandarin oranges, leek, nian gao, etc! I wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Learnings: AI

I went to a career fair over the past two days. 

The theme centered around building an AI-capable workforce. Apart from career booths, there were lots of talks about AI, its applications, and its impact on us. I attended a few - super interesting. I’ve been using an assortment of different Gen AI apps thus far but still, the presentations reminded me how little I actually know! AI is definitely here to stay, so we need to figure out how to work with it. I need to amp up my learnings and usage of AI!

Feeling thankful for the learnings and excited about what’s ahead!

Grateful - 13 Feb: Body

I’m not sure if this is a Singapore senior citizen thing or a universal one - people sending “Good Morning” messages and pictures to every contact in their phone. I’m in several chat groups and wake up to a flood of them daily. Most mornings, I delete them without even looking. But today, when my buddy sent me the above, I paused and appreciated it. So in today’s gratitude journal, I’m giving thanks to things that happen so naturally, until they don’t.

• Breathing. No explanation seems necessary. It is so automatic that we rarely notice it - until it becomes difficult. In 2017/ 2018, I found myself gasping for air frequently. My lungs always felt half full and I couldn’t take a deep breath. I felt like a fish out of water. Once, while holidaying in Japan, I blacked out. That eventually led to the discovery of a blocked artery. I underwent an angioplasty and had a stent inserted. Since then, breathing has returned to being what it should be - effortless. For that, I am deeply thankful.

• Drinking. We also take for granted the simple act of swallowing - of fluids aka drinking; of solids aka eating. Let me focus on drinking here. Drinking and ensuring fluids do not “go down the wrong hole” is something most of us never think about. My mum struggled with this in her final years. When she choked, it was scary - violent coughing that sometimes led to bronchitis. I would remind her gently to tuck her chin down before swallowing. Either I or my domestic helper had to supervise her whenever she drank, water or soup. It was exhausting for her, and sobering for me to witness.

• Eating. Here, I will reflect on swallowing of solids: Eating. Eating sustains us and often, brings us joy. Yet recently, I was reminded how fragile that ability can be. My friend with oesophageal cancer can no longer swallow properly. When we met two days ago, he could only sip small amounts of soup while watching D and I eat. It was a quiet, humbling moment.

So today, I give thanks for my ability to breathe, drink, and eat - simple acts that nourishes the body. Caring for my mum taught me that, in the end, much of life comes down to these basics. Breathing. Drinking. Eating. And also, excreting: sweating, peeing, shitting. Strip everything away, and it really is that simple. For being able to do these ordinary things smoothly today, I am grateful.

Sapphie

 This is Sapphie, my dog. 

It’s coming to 10 years since she left. 

The recent haze reminds me of her and this pic.

She has such gentle eyes!

Grateful - 12 Feb: Reflections & Self

A uni classmate visited me and it’s probably the main highlight of my gratitude journal today. But there are two other things I would also like to acknowledge. Here goes:

• LK. I am grateful for her and for the friendship we share. We have known each other since our uni days and have journeyed through many ups and downs over the past 3 to 4 decades. She was one of the first people I came out to in the mid-90s. She is now navigating the final phase of her corporate life, and we have had many conversations about this transition. Two weeks ago, she called to ask if she could visit today. She arrived with dinner, and we spent the evening catching up - talking about work, life, and all. It was simple, unhurried, and deeply comforting.

• Reflections. It may sound strange to say I am grateful for my own reflections, but taking deliberate time to think has helped me uncover blind spots, learn about myself, and see situations more objectively. Through journaling - especially writing about what I am grateful for - I have become aware of how much I'd focus on the negatives. This practice made me reframed and shifted my attention to what truly matters. It grounds me in gratitude and reminds me to be more compassionate towards myself.

• Self-identity. How often do we take our heritage for granted? For most of my life, mine simply was - unquestioned and unexamined. But as I grow older, I find myself paying more attention to my roots. Today, as I blogged about "CNY and I", I saw more clearly the uniqueness of my heritage and how much I had taken it for granted. Blogging, once again, helped me understand myself better - and in this case, reaffirm my identity as a Singaporean Chinese. I am grateful for that reminder.

It was a simple day, but a rich and reflective one.

CNY & I (a Singaporean Chinese)

It is less than a week to Chinese New Year, and the rush has begun. When I was at Bedok Mall earlier, the supermarket was crowded despite it being a working weekday. People were stocking up for reunion dinners and CNY visits. I am sure some families will have their reunion dinners early before flying off for a holiday this weekend. Heading overseas during public holidays is a very Singaporean instinct. But CNY always brings us back to the table. For my family, our dining table tells a story.

My late mother is Straits-born - Peranakan - and food is serious business for nonyas. My paternal side traces its roots to Fujian, rich in Hokkien traditions. Growing up, I never saw these as two distinct inheritances, they simply coexisted. During CNY, our dining table is filled with Peranakan dishes such as chap chai, babi pongteh, and curry chicken; and they sit comfortably beside Hokkien dishes that carry strong symbolism. We will definitely have the humble leek (picture above from 2024 CNY), or "sng" in Hokkien. “Sng” sounds like “count”, and thus eating "sng" is a must so that we will have money to count in the coming year. Such details are never treated lightly - they carry hope.

And in my adult years, there is the yusheng. The name itself, carry auspicious meanings of "excess" and "greater heights". We stand around the table, chopsticks raised, calling out auspicious phrases as we toss the raw fish and shredded vegetables. Yusheng was invented in Singapore and is distinctly us. It is now an indispensable CNY dish locally. I see similar unions of heritages at reunion tables of relatives and friends. Some more distinct such as in my case, my mother’s Straits-born roots, and my father’s direct connection to Fujian; and some less, such as when their parents hail from different provinces in China.

My siblings and I inherit both - not preserving them unchanged, but living them in our own way. Each of us has picked up different dishes from mum, and over time we have added new ones that we learned along the way. Around the table, languages flow between English, dialect and Mandarin. Some rituals are observed carefully; others are adapted to fit modern times. We may travel. We may send greetings over WhatsApp. But when we gather, we honour both where we came from and where we are rooted now. Most importantly, we celebrate culture, traditions, and family bonds.

Perhaps that is what it means to be a Singaporean Chinese - not a fixed identity tied to a single homeland, but something layered, lived and evolving. We celebrate our Chineseness in symbolism, in food, in reunion - yet it is unmistakably shaped by the Singapore context. Each year, as we sit before plates of chap chai and leek, as we toss yusheng and shout blessings into the air, we are not just welcoming a new year. We are continuing a story - and shaping it into something distinctly our own.

Grateful - 11 Feb: Daily Blessings

Today’s post might sound a tad personal, but they are still things I feel grateful for. Here are my 3 call-outs:

• Underwear. I recently bought a pair of underwear and it arrived today. I really like the fit - it holds everything up really well. Feels pretty sexy wearing it. So… yeah, I’m thankful for this very intimate piece of underwear!

• Buddy. I’ve recently started using the term “buddy” on a friend of mine. You know… heh… I’ve blogged about him before, but this is probably the first time I’m calling him my “buddy”. He didn’t text me for two days and I got a little worried and texted him. I was thankful when he replied and said he was simply busy and all’s well. We ended by saying we missed each other. So sweet, right?

• Red banner. I decided to visit the temple to give thanks for the year and to pray for smooth sailing and good health in the new year. While on the train, it suddenly hit me that I hadn’t kept track of the date to hang the red banner. After checking, I realised that today was the deadline! I was so grateful for that sudden realization - I would have missed it otherwise. I hurried home, finished washing the kitchen, and once that was done, I could officially kick off the “Little New Year” by putting up the red banner on my door. Let the CNY celebrations begin!

Two of the entries are a little personal in nature right? Heh… It’s less than a week to CNY!

Grateful - 10 Feb: Simple Joys

Woke up feeling a little tired, dehydrated yet bloated from last night’s dinner and decided to take things a bit slower today. It was nice to end the day feeling rested, and energized. With this, let me give thanks to the following:

• People watch. I took my usual coffee break at the coffee shop this afternoon and instead of rushing through my coffee (which I usually do so I could proceed with my afternoon walk), I decided to just sit and observe the world pass by. It turned out to be a rather pleasant experience: watching a rather unkempt uncle sang along as he blasted a speaker with a weird mix of songs - English, Chinese, Hokkien, etc, office workers rushing through their lunch, retirees wilding their time away… and oh, I was singing away in my head to the songs as I drank my coffee too!

• Gardening. I maintain a collection of plants at my balcony and I decided to marcot my ficus plant after lunch. It has grown too big and I thought it is time to create new plants out of it. Doing so will also allow me to downsize it significantly once the new plants take root. Gardening has always been a therapeutic pastime for me and today’s experience is no different. It was a lovely afternoon!

• Visit by B. I am thankful to B for visiting me. He had gone back to his home country last week and decided to dropped by my place with dinner and some stuff from home. I appreciate his gestures and we had a nice chat. Have known him since last year and while he has his quirks that can some time irritate the hell out of me, he is, overall a very nice person. Grateful for his warm gestures.

So yeah, it was a slow day and I ended it feeling energized after attending an online workshop in the evening. 

Family ties

Since young, my mum had drilled me to assume the role of the “head” of the family in my dad’s absence. For example, during major prayers, when my dad was at work, she would get me to lead - kneeling in front of the altar, holding the family joss sticks, and offer the prayers. To a kid no more than 6-7 years of age, it was a tad overwhelming but my mum knelt behind me and guided me on what to say.

That was my upbringing and I have, since my dad’s passing almost two decades ago, become the de facto head of the family, represented my family at my cousins’ weddings and later their children’s. It’s a heavy responsibility, but one I take on with honour and pride. Such traditional practices, founded on Confucian values, are still observed by many Chinese families.

My dad was the second eldest son and became head of his family after my paternal grandfather and eldest uncle passed on. His siblings - all his sisters and his only younger brother - would make it a point to visit us during CNY to pay their respects (to my dad) and celebrate family ties. I deeply respect such traditional practices and have continued to observe them.

With my dad and uncles gone, my aunts and cousins no longer visit us. They are now the elders, and I, in turn, make it a point to buy CNY gifts for them and visit them during festivals. My aunts and cousins, on the other hand, will make it a point to invite me to join them for their family reunions and occasional dinners. Just me, not my siblings.

I appreciate their invitations and gestures. I enjoy these annual and regular get-togethers - they keep the family ties alive. But I also know that once my aunts pass on, these gatherings will stop. After all, as the Hokkien saying goes - monkeys will disperse once the tree falls. But for now, as long as the tree stands, we will continue to meet.

Looking forward to next week’s CNY reunion dinner with my aunt’s family. She has called me several times over the past couple of weeks - to remind me and ask what dishes I want to eat. And she had also reminded me - don’t buy anything too expensive, just something simple is good enough.

Heh…

Picture from https://studycli.org/learn-chinese/chinese-family-tree/

CNY - Weight watchers’ nightmare

It’s CNY again - the season of food, reunion dinners, and one “special” meal after another. 

Last night’s dinner with my army mates was one of those dinners. Psychologically satisfying, but physically punishing. I ate and drank far too much and came home bloated, light-headed, and very uncomfortable. Still, I managed to calm myself down - journal, wash up, and just sit quietly - before retiring. Thankfully, I slept relatively well. But this morning, the scale jumped by 1.5kg. I know it’s not real weight, just water, salt, and a body trying to rebalance. It will pass within the next few days.

Such feasting will repeat through the next 2 weeks plus. And the thing about CNY meals is that it has its own rules. Aunties will push food to you. These are specially cooked “for you”, she will say. And it will be rude to say no, even ungrateful, considering how you have been specially invited to her family reunion. And it’s not just one meal. There will be a couple more. In such instances, respect, courtesy and relationships must take priority over discipline.

Then again, it’s CNY! It’s about family and relationships and food is just how we celebrate it. I guess staying mindful is the best I can do.

Grateful - 9 Feb: Mixed Emotions

It’s so nice to be able to meet up with my old army mates. Friendships formed when we were younger were so much purer, and despite the different directions our lives have taken, we are still able to see one another for who we truly are - not based on factors such as wealth or social status. That is what makes our annual meet-ups so much fun. This was the highlight of the day that I am most thankful for. So here’s today’s list:

• Old army mates. Met up with my army mates for our annual CNY reunion dinner. It was a great catch-up, and it was good to see everyone again after all this time. There were five of us, but we drank seven jugs of beer over dinner - I’m feeling so bloated now! Most importantly, I met up with a close friend who has been by my side through 40 years of friendship. He has been based in the US since the mid-90s and returns home yearly with his wife. I have never failed to meet him whenever he is back. We met an hour earlier to catch up before the dinner proper. So nice.

• Zoom recording. I spent the whole morning preparing and submitting my post-training documents, but I had a rude shock when I realised that I had made an error the day before and failed to take attendance for my learners’ assessment. There was nothing much I could do except inform the company about my mistake. Looking on the positive side, I was glad I discovered the error and was able to provide an update - all because I took the time to review the Zoom recording. The error was discovered by chance, but I’m thankful it came to light, thanks to the video recording.

• Meditation. I managed to meditate again this morning after missing it for two days. It felt good to return to the practice. I skipped it over the past two days because I wanted to head out for my walk before sunrise, when the air was cooler.

I thought it would be a simple day, but it turned out otherwise. By the end of it, I had experienced fun, anxiety, and calm - very contrasting indeed!

Grateful - 8 Feb: Training & Presence

After days of preparation, I finally completed conducting two days of online training. I am totally worn out by now. For today, I am thankful for the following:

• Being calm. I was calm and composed throughout the day, and much of this was due to my pre-training routine before the training started. These included a nice morning walk, a slow breakfast, systematically going through my mental checklist to ensure all training administration was in order, and making sure my personal logistics were taken care of (eg, having my drinks and snacks prepared) before class began. I have drilled these routines into myself so thoroughly that they have become second nature.

• Being present. Starting the day slow and deliberate allowed me to be fully in the moment during class contact time. I was able to share my experiences and thoughts easily whenever questions were raised, as my mind was not distracted by non-training-related matters. The learners subscribed to the course, and the least I could do was to ensure they took away a good and positive learning experience. I am glad that I was present in that moment to do that.

• Deeply fulfilling. It was non-stop engagement from the morning: conducting training, facilitating activities, administering games, ensuring training admin ran smoothly, conducting assessments, marking, and doing oral recovery for some learners. I ended class only at 7pm feeling deeply fulfilled, knowing that my learners had had positive experiences over the two days. The icing of the cake came to me during lunch when another trainer texted me to share that one of her ex-students (who was in my class) said she really enjoyed my session.

I suppose only trainers can truly appreciate and understand the amount of preparation required to deliver a good session. This is probably similar to many things in life - that behind every success (be it an event, activity, or occasion), the amount of preparation is tremendous. Every effort put in contributes to the final experience delivered.

Updated Title & Tagline

Once again, I’ve renamed my blog. 

This is the third change since I started writing in 2005. In the early days, it was called “Be Happy”. It felt right then. But as I kept writing, I realised it sounded more like an instruction than a reality - an aim I wasn’t always able to reach. So I refined it to “Being Happy”. That felt more present. With time, even that no longer resonated. Many of my entries were anything but happy. Life was fuller, more complicated than that. So I renamed the blog “Moments”, adding a quiet explanation “…of my life”.  That title stayed with me for almost a decade. 

In its latest revision, I’ve renamed it “Space”, with the tagline: “Life, one moment at a time”.  “Space”, as the word suggests, is my little corner to pause, to notice, and to simply be. It’s where I capture life's moments - big, small, messy, quiet, past, present, or imagined - without needing to tidy them up or make sense of everything at once. The tagline keeps me grounded. After decades of entries, one thing is clear: life is messy. It isn’t a single story, nor does it move in a straight line. It is a collection of moments, each worth paying attention to. Some make me smile. Some make me think. Some make me stop. I’ve tried to honour all of them here. 

This latest revision perhaps reflect a more mature me? Maybe. It definitely resonate better with me at this point in time.

Grateful - 7 Feb: Training

I am feeling very exhausted and drained now. This is largely due to the training that I conducted today. I will be conducting the second and final day of training tomorrow but I am ready for it. For today's training, I am thankful for the following:

• Class energy & participative learners. I am glad to note that there were learners who were serious about learning and chose to pay attention during class and participate wholeheartedly in the learning activities. Their energy and curiosity spoke volumes about their desire to learn and to take charge of their own learning process. In contrast, there were also those who were uncooperative, chose to take shortcuts (e.g., using AI instead of engaging in proper discussions), or consistently “disappeared” from class (e.g., turning off their cameras and giving excuses for not being present).

• Awareness & self management. For the less-than-ideal learners, I am thankful I was on top of my emotions and did not lose my cool. I was firm and calm as I chided them for not being participative. I clearly called out my displeasure and explained my expectations of them as learners. I believe I handled myself relatively well. My position was clear: I will do my part to teach and to impart my knowledge and experience. However, if you, as a learner, choose not to seize the opportunity to learn or to participate in the activities I have designed, you are the one who will lose out in the long run. I made it a point to impress upon them that I was not looking at answers, but at the process they go through to discuss, reflect, and understand the challenges that arise when theories are applied on the ground. AI cannot help with this, as it requires each learner to share their own thoughts and justify their inputs.

• Smooth technology. I am thankful that, by and large, the technology went as I had planned. The Wi-Fi and mesh worked wonderfully, and I did not experience any drop in connectivity despite the large class size and the need to project not just PowerPoint slides, but also videos, sounds, and images. There were moments when the Zoom screen disappeared and I panicked slightly, but thankfully this happened close to lunchtime. I managed to carry on until then, when I could investigate what went wrong. I ended up learning a bit more about Zoom and its behaviour.

The above are the key points I'm grateful for for today's training. They are very much centred on the class and my experiences managing the learners. While the session was draining, I must add that I walked away feeling more confident about the lesson and the theories. It reinforced the notion that to learn, one must teach. I can definitely attest to that.

Grateful - 6 Feb: Productive

I had a productive and an interesting day - preparing for training, coaching my fellow trainer, attending a local toastmasters event, etc and I end the day feeling grateful for it. Here’re the 3 things I wanna call out:

• I thank ML for inviting me to her presentation. It provided me an opportunity to observe how a local toastmasters chapter conduct their meeting. It was interesting seeing the enthusiasm shown by the members. For an introverted person like me, such events would be too draining for me. But in the short session I was there, I was glad I learned something about public speaking.

• Thankful that the sky broke today (and yesterday for that matter)! It’s been a long couple of scorching hot and dry weeks and it’s starting to get a bit uncomfortable. So the respite brought about by the short but intense rain was very much welcomed. Hopefully, it will alleviate the haze and the smell for the next few days.

• Last but not least, I am grateful for the leftover food in my fridge! Been busy and didn’t have time to cook my meals and the leftovers was a lifesaver. Just put them into the microwave and walah! My dinner was ready!

I will be busy conducting training through the weekend. Let’s hope everything goes smooth!

可爱的人生

This song has been repeating in my head for a while now. It appeared in my youtube and this is from the original singer. It certainly resonates with me! 

你不要哭哭啼啼过一生 

一定要哈哈嘻嘻过一生 

啊虽然是人人的看法不同 

哦 终归是可爱的人生 

得意的时候要抬起了头 

失意的时候也不必担忧 

安安乐乐地度过难关 

安安乐乐地度过难关 

哦 可爱的人生可爱人生 

让我来祝福你的人生 

你不要痴心妄想过一生 

一定要脚踏实地过一生 

啊虽然是人人的想法不同 

哦 终归是可爱的人生 

只要是一双手不怕吃苦 

只要是经得起暴雨狂风 

说说笑笑地度过难关 

说说笑笑地度过难关 

哦 可爱的人生可爱人生 

让我来祝福你的人生 

I find the lyrics encouraging and uplifting although another friend thought it’s a tad emo… Here’s the English translation: 

Don't live your life in tears, 

Live your life with laughter and joy. 

Ah, though everyone's perspective is different, 

Oh, it's still a lovely life.

When you're successful, hold your head high. 

When you're down, don't worry. 

Overcome difficulties peacefully and happily. 

Overcome difficulties peacefully and happily. 

Oh, lovely life, lovely life. 

Let me bless your life. 

Don't live a life of unrealistic dreams, 

Live your life with your feet on the ground. 

Ah, though everyone's perspective is different, 

Oh, it's still a lovely life. 

As long as you have two hands and aren't afraid of hardship, 

As long as you can withstand storms and gales, 

Overcome difficulties with laughter and joy. 

Overcome difficulties with laughter and joy. 

Oh, lovely life, lovely life. 

Let me bless your life.

Listen to the song here: 可爱人生https://ip.lidicity.com/hj/cn/keaiderensheng.html 

Grateful - 5 Feb: People

Today, I want to focus on people. I’m grateful to:

• J for arranging dinner. It was a really nice meet up and the chat was long overdue. I appreciate his concerns and how he previously visited me with dinner and all. It’s lovely to know he is doing well and enjoying his life the best he can. It’s such a contrast to the J I spoke with last year. So happy to see him as he is today! 

• S for allowing me the opportunity to guide her in her training preparation. She’ll be conducting her first training this weekend and I do not wish for her to experience what I went through during my first run. As trainers, we do not know what we do not know when it comes to training admin. It would be catastrophic and morale breaking if, after all the preparations, the course goes awry due to training admin. I’m grateful she’s open enough to let me guide her. Have shared some admin pointers via WhatsApp today and will be doing a zoom call with her tomorrow.

• My sis and brother-in-law for visiting. They’ve made it a point to visit me once every week or two. Today, we chatted about our experiences during our young adult days. Interestingly, while my sis and I shared some common memories, there were also some that I didn’t know about and vice versa. I also learned some interesting things about my brother-in-law: his NS days, his childhood home, etc. It’s probably the first time that we spoke about such things. 

A simple day that was made more meaningful by people around me. There are others such as A, B, D, M, etc who chatted/ texted over WhatsApp, checking in on me, bantering etc. and to them, I give my thanks too!

Suntanning Pigeon

I always find it very interesting to see pigeons sitting on the park connectors sunning themselves. At times, I even see them seated with their wings spread open or tilted sideways to sun their bellies. And they just quietly sit and stay still through the afternoon. With their dark feathers, don’t their bodies get overheated? I also wonder if they ever get heat stroke… 

Grateful - 4 Feb: Routines

It's a routine day for me. And on this routine day, I give thanks to:

• Predictability. As a freelancer, a typical “routine” day when I’m not working would look like this: wake up, meditate, breakfast, time at my own disposal, prepare lunch, lunch, coffee, a mid-day walk or exercise, rest, more time at my own disposal, prepare dinner, dinner, even more time at my own disposal, read, reflect, and sleep. It’s a routine I’ve grown accustomed to, and frankly speaking, while it may be a tad boring, it works well for me. It’s predictable - no surprises, no stress - good for the soul, and it certainly gives me time to catch up with myself and my thoughts. So yes, I had a routine day today, and I’m thankful for that.

• Flexibility. The nice thing about routine days is that I have full flexibility to do what I want. In the schedule above, I’ve indicated “time at my own disposal,” which simply translates to - whatever I feel like doing at that moment. More often than not, that would be gardening, housework, watching TV/ Netflix, or even lazy (some would call it self-maintenance or mental well-being time). This is the kind of flexibility I didn’t have when I was fully employed. Today, I managed to catch up on work admin and preparation, write reports, attend an online event, etc. Work admin and reports are largely mundane but necessary tasks that require attention and time.

• The sunny, clear sky. As weird as it may sound, I’m grateful for the sunny sky today because it allowed me to take an afternoon topless walk and get a nice tan in the process. I’ve been walking almost daily since mid-2025 to keep my weight in check and improve my health. And since I’m walking anyway, why not do it during lunchtime and get a bit of sun while I’m at it, right? I haven’t been able to do this as often as I’d like recently, so it was really nice to be able to do so again today. 

On reflection, I’d say it was a routine but productive day for me, despite it being a routine one.

Grateful - 3 Feb: Simple Joys

I had a fun day today, cycling at East Coast Park, and I want to give thanks to:

• My friend D, who suggested cycling. He thought it would be good to get our friend, who is unwell, out for some fresh air. It turned out to be a really good outing - not just because of the sun, the wind, and all that, but more importantly, because it was nice to see everyone being active, happily chatting, and quietly caring for one another. It’s the kind of friendship that isn’t very verbally expressive, but is shown in subtle ways. I’m really glad to have these two friends.

• The simplest things in life - the coffee I drank, the food I cooked and ate, and, for that matter, the water that keeps me alive and hydrated. These are things we rarely pay much attention to, but without them, we probably wouldn’t be around for long.

• Reflecting on these basics, I’m also reminded of - and deeply grateful for - all the conditions that must come together before they are available to us: the source, processing, delivery, technology, and the people behind it all.

So yeah, it’s a relatively shorter post today, but no less meaningful.

Love & Relationship

I have been watching the series "Boyfriend" for sometime. The current run is the second season and it's coming to an end soon. In today's episode, one of the guy said:

You can love alone, but you cannot have a relationship alone.

I thought this sentence is very well constructed, even as it is rather impromptu. It's something that we all know but I suspect we don't usually get to articulate it this way. Not me, at least. And I agree totally.

Cycling @ East Coast

I went cycling with 2 friends at the East Coast Park earlier. We only cycled for an hour - from Marine Cove (where MacD is located) to Bedok Jetty and back - but it was really fun. We had the cycling lanes almost exclusively to ourselves as it was a weekday and there was minimal people there. And best of all, I got to bask in the nice hot sun without any discomfort as the wind was superbly strong.

Such a lovely afternoon!

Picture from https://handlinefishing.com/wheretofish/shoresandjetties/bedokjetty.htm

Grateful - 2 Feb: Festivity

Today, I did quite a bit of spring cleaning and for my afternoon break, instead heading for my usual afternoon walk, I took a bus and just alighted when I felt like it. I ended with a most interesting afternoon before finally heading back to my usual coffee shop for my coffee. As such, in my journal today, I want to give thanks to the following:

• The sights and sounds of the Chinese New Year bazaar that I experienced while visiting a neighbourhood centre near my place. What a sight it was - the red lanterns, decorations, and not to mention the New Year cookies, fruits, and flowers in full glory! There was such a lively and energetic atmosphere. I simply love this time of the year as we prepare for the festival.

• A special shout-out to the coffee shop cashier auntie who never fails to smile and tell me, “You are always the fastest with the PayNow app!” LOL! You see, I visit the coffee shop near my home daily for my dose of kopi-o kosong, and I usually make my digital payment even before placing my order. This always makes auntie very happy, as she tends to get impatient - especially when the queue is long. So yes, thank you, auntie, for being cheerful and kind to me always!

• A most fruitful day of spring cleaning. I started my morning washing the toilet next to the kitchen and ended my day cleaning more of my kitchen. As of now, I am especially pleased that I have almost completed cleaning my kitchen! This include the kitchen cabinets (inside and out, including all their contents, cutlery, plates, bowls, etc) and the shelves. I’ve also sharpened and cleaned the knives, removed the oil and grime from the stove, and cleaned the fridge, microwave oven, air fryer, rice cooker, and many, many more items. It has taken me a few days to reach where I am. Probably just a bit of touching up here and there before finally washing the floor, and then I’ll be done!

The spontaneity allowed me a good and refreshing change from the usual routines. Perhaps I should do this more often in future. Goodnight!

Talking about Life & Death

I’ve a friend who often talked about his fears regarding what happens after a person passes on and what the afterlife experience is like. Will it be painful? Or…

It is probably a topic none of us alive can ever advise. But having recently read deeper on Buddhism, I was able to understand conceptually the idea of consciousness and what happens to it after the physical body dies. I met up with him again last week and this topic came up again. I told him that using our human senses to frame the experiences of the next journey - whether it will be painful or otherwise - is probably not the wisest thing to do as the physical body is no longer present. Instead, I suggested he should channel his energies to the present and live his life to the best.

Today, he texted me to thank me for the chat. He also said that he is less fearful now. I gave him an analogy - that falling asleep and waking up is a cycle all of us goes through daily. And we may have dreams or nightmares when we sleep, but we will wake up again eventually. This would be similar when it comes to the cycle of life and death. Dying is akin to falling asleep, and we dream (good or bad will depend on whether we were good or bad during our lifetime). And then, we will wake up again, as a baby. 

It’s an off the cuff analogy, very much based on my current understanding of Buddhism’s interpretation of life and death. I’m sure there are other more informed views but I’m glad I can help him better frame his thoughts and lessen his fears. 

Fish Eye

I had my first fish eye today.

Was it good? Hmmm… the texture was gelatinous and gooey! Since young, my mum would gush about how nice fish eyes taste. I, on the other hand, could never get past gorging the eye out of the head, much less putting it into my mouth! It felt like a scene direct out of an Indiana Jones movie! So no… until today.

I took a bus out with no agenda except that I wanted to take a break from my usual afternoon walk. I decided to alight at a nearby neighbourhood center. I had eaten at a Japanese restaurant there before and thought why not have a quick lunch there. After all, the food was decent and nice. 

I decided to be adventurous and ordered the salmon head soup. The soup came and I was given another empty bowl. This is for the bones, said the auntie. Wow! so drama! I thought to myself. When I started eating, I realized how laborious the whole process was - all the bones and scales! And then the eye floated into view… the eye ball, lens and all!

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. Will I have it again? Probably not, unless pushed. But at least I can say I’ve tried it.

Ps: Picture shows what’s left of the head after stripping off all the skin and meat. Can you spot the eye socket?

Grateful - 1 Feb: Engaging & Fun

I’m feeling a little tired now, but before I retire, I want to capture three things I’m grateful for today. 

• I am grateful to the facilitator and my classmates at the Singapore Buddhist Federation (SBF) for today’s class a highly engaging one. Many concepts and points were covered but the real learnings came from everybody’s sharing of their experiences. For eg, we discussed the importance of cultivating ourselves so that we are conscious of our emotions and able to recognize them as they arise. This awareness allows us to manage our emotions instead of being controlled by them. We all agreed that this is easier said than done, and that it requires consistent training of the mind.

• I am grateful for the interesting experiences and sights around the Geylang area. I went to SBF for class and decided to alight at PLQ Mall, taking a short walk to SBF instead. The walk started at Paya Lebar MRT and ended in the heart of Geylang. Paya Lebar is a Malay heartland, and I saw a large congregation of Indonesian domestic workers picnicking by the roadside under the shade of trees. It was a once-a-week affair, as today was their day off. As I moved into Geylang proper, the scene changed to lorongs and shophouses, coffee shops, and a couple of mosques. Along with this, the profile of people I saw also changed. Instead of mostly Indonesians, I saw a more heterogeneous mix of people - South Asian migrant workers, local Chinese, PRCs, as well as Malays at the mosques. Such contrasting scenes are very unique and can only happen in Singapore and Malaysia.

• Lastly, I am grateful for the warm yet breezy weather. Without it, none of the above would have happened. It was also because of the pleasant weather that I was able to walk back to PLQ from SBF, and in the process, get a nice workout. Reflecting on it, I was literally killing many birds with one stone - I enjoyed interesting sights, got a good walk and workout, and even discovered a nice park connector linking Paya Lebar MRT to Aljunied MRT. 

All in all, I had a good day today. It was engaging and fun. 

Goodnight!

Grateful - 31 Jan: Presence

It is scary how quickly 2026 is passing. It is already the end of January, and as part of my gratitude journalling today, I want to acknowledge the following:

• I am grateful for the awareness to live the past month the way I wanted to. It has made this year feel far more purposeful. Looking at the focus areas I had listed, I must admit that not everything happened naturally. At times, I had to consciously remind myself and put measures in place - just as I did with my deliberate daily gratitude journalling. But I am glad I stayed with it.

• I am grateful that I was able to make a difference to my coachee. I shared yesterday about giving her feedback for her public speaking contest, and I was so happy to learn that she won two prizes for her speech. I could not be prouder of her. I am not sure how much my feedback contributed, but from her update, I could sense her joy and appreciation - and that truly made my day.

• Lastly, and not something I want to take for granted, I am thankful for the meals I had today - from simple home-prepared food to something readily available at the coffee shop. What stands out is the abundance of choice at every meal: healthy, well-balanced, or otherwise, and the freedom to decide what I eat. This is a luxury that not everyone has.

I am a blessed person.

Volunteer Mentor

I have been volunteering as a mentor with a company that partners a local vocational training college since last year. The focus of the mentorship is to guide students through their career journey - from job search to workplace assimilation. 

To be honest, my experience with the organisation last year was not very positive. The team came across as young and inexperienced, rather disorganised, and with an “everything also can” approach to everything. It was not something I was accustomed to, and I felt strongly that if they were serious about their mission, there needed to be clearer policies and processes in place. By the end of last year, I was almost certain I would not sign up for another run.

When I was invited to their kick-off today, I hesitated. But eventually, I decided to drop in, simply to see what they had put together. I was pleasantly surprised by how much had changed since my last interaction with them. Their staff strength has doubled, the pool of volunteers has grown to about 2,000, and their operations are now far more organised. They have also been registered as a formal charity, and this year they plan to strengthen their governance and compliance, alongside the many new initiatives they have rolled out. 

It was a well organised kick-off and from what was briefed, a strong signal that they are heading in the right direction. I left the event feeling genuinely proud of, and impressed by, the team. It was a good refreshing change.

Mesh Up!

I am so happy and proud of myself.

I finally managed to set up my home mesh system. It took me almost two and a half hours, with plenty of trial and error along the way. I had purchased the mesh to cover the Wi-Fi dead spots in my apartment. After a fair bit of reading and research, I narrowed down the model I wanted - and then, of course, ended up buying a higher one. Heh…

The real challenge, however, came during the setup. Based on everything I had read, it was supposed to be a simple plug-and-play process. But because I already had an existing router, I quickly confused myself with all the technicalities. After setting up the main node, I realised I had done it wrongly and had configured the mesh as the router instead. This disrupted my existing network, and I had to start all over again.

I used the instructions provided, but connecting to an existing router was not covered and I resorted to ChatGPT, and after further trial and errors, I finally connected the mesh correctly to the router. But the second unit refused to sync. So I reset everything - again… and again… and again - until, at last, the entire network came online. I actually shouted “hurray” in my head. But the adventure was not over yet. 

Just as I started organising the wiring, the network dropped again. This time, however, I stayed calm. I systematically checked the Ethernet cables and connections, and once I was sure everything was in place, I simply restarted the modem and allowed the system to stabilise. And voilà - the whole network was up and running once more. Whew!

For someone who has been a technology end user all my life, setting up hardware is definitely outside my comfort zone. So today was one crazy experience, despite all the research I had done over the past few days. The learning curve was steep, but the sense of accomplishment was immense! This whole experience was a small victory - but a deeply satisfying one. 

:-)

Grateful - 30 Jan: Learning, Helping

Today, I want to call out the following 3 things I am grateful for:

• I am thankful for a coachee-turned-mentee who trusted me enough to seek my feedback on her speech delivery for a public speaking contest. As I framed my thoughts after watching her rehearsal video, I also realized how much I have learned over the years. I truly appreciate the many opportunities I’ve had in my life to speak publicly. There is still much I can improve on, and I still experience butterflies in my stomach when I step onto the stage - but I believe I am far better prepared today than I was when I was much younger.

• Speaking of coachees, I also want to extend my gratitude to all my coachees - past and present - for allowing me to be their thinking partner and for being open, authentic, and transparent. They have helped me grow, both as a coach and as a person. Admittedly, I initially felt pressured and unsure whether my coaching was truly helping them. Over time, however, my confidence grew as I saw them improve and move forward in ways that were meaningful to them.

• I spent much of today researching and reading about WiFi extenders and mesh systems, as I’ve been dealing with weak WiFi signals in my room and needed to boost the reception. I’m glad that by evening, I was able to narrow down what I need to do to resolve the issue. My next task is to purchase the mesh system and set it up before my virtual training sessions next weekend. So yes, I’m grateful for the presence of ChatGPT, which helped educate me on the technical details and recommend solutions - along with the broader presence of technology and readily available information today.

It’s been a day of learning and a day of helping. Productive indeed.

A Coachee

I have been coaching this lady since 2024, a time when I was actively seeking coaching opportunities as I worked toward clocking the required hours for my credentialing. She was referred to me by another coachee who believed I could support her.

Over the past year, I have been accompanying her on her career development journey. It has been deeply rewarding to witness her growth during this period. She now has much greater clarity about her options and how she wants to move forward. Throughout our time working together, she has kept me updated on her life and her thought processes, and over time, I became someone she trusted and confided in. Last week, she shared that she would be participating in a public speaking contest and today, she sent me a video of her rehearsal, asking for any feedback I might have. That simple act spoke volumes about the trust she has placed in me. I was more than happy to help, and I feel deeply grateful for her trust and openness.

Reflecting on this, my coaching journey has been profoundly meaningful to me. It brings me great satisfaction to know that I am able to make a positive difference in the lives of my coachees.

Grateful - 29 Jan: Calm

It’s been just over a week since I started this Gratitude Journaling series, and I’ll be honest - it’s getting harder to write. Not because I have nothing to be grateful for, but because I now see just how much there is. Every time I sit down to write, I realise that behind each small thing I’m thankful for, there’s a whole chain of conditions that must come together for that moment to exist. It’s humbling. Gratitude, I’m learning, isn’t just about listing what went well - it’s about recognising how much is quietly holding everything in place. Today, here are the 3 call outs:

• I’m grateful for something very simple: the ability to journal. That alone tells me I’m privileged. And I don’t mean that in a proud way, but in a deeply humbling one. 

• I’m also grateful for where I am in my spiritual practice. I chose a path that asks me to reflect, to question, to seek wisdom, and to practise compassion. Sometimes, I won’t lie, it feels a little lonely. Many of my friends find comfort in speaking to a higher being and in the promise of something beyond this life. I don’t have that. But what I do have is a growing sense of clarity - from meditation, from reading, from constant inner work - that my life is shaped by my past actions and choices. That realisation gives me both responsibility and hope. It tells me I can still shape what comes next. 

• And finally, I’m grateful for the life I have today - materially and otherwise. I’ve met people who wish they could undo their past and start again. I don’t feel that way. I’m at peace with where I am, because every good choice, every mistake, every detour has played a part in making me who I am now. And for that, I’m thankful. 

So yes, today’s reflection feels more conceptual than usual - but it’s exactly where my mind and heart are right now - calm.

A Good Child

I don’t think I’ve ever written anything in this blog about a Singapore produced show. It’s largely because they tend to be very slapstick and superficial. And for me, who largely enjoys tear jerkers and epic movies, I wanna say I thoroughly enjoyed “A Good Child”.

I chanced upon it in Netflix today. Admittedly, I didn’t quite recognise the actors and decided to take a look. After all, the synopsis sounded interesting - a drag decided to look after her mother who’s suffering from dementia, or something along this line. Two minutes into the show, my jaw literally dropped - It’s a Singapore production! And there’re lotsa drag queens, Hokkien profanities, smoking etc! 

I must say I totally enjoyed it and I was blown away by the acting and the script. Very touching and I teared up at several points in the show. Perhaps Singapore shows have indeed improved over time! And oh, I must say the Taiwanese guy who acted as the drag queen’s boyfriend is really cute! Kawaii-des!

Like!

Grateful - 28 Jan: Giving & Getting Help

Today, I want to focus on people. I gave an elderly friend a haircut, received Chinese New Year goodies from another, and, as always, was reminded of the many friends and family who consistently support and encourage me. Here are the details:

• It is gratifying to have the ability to help others. Today, it was my ability to cut people’s hair. I’m not formally trained, but I’ve observed hairdressers closely, and over time, I’ve been able to give simple haircuts to my mom, dad, brother, nieces and nephews, ex, and lately, friends - or anyone willing to let me try. Today, I gave an elderly friend a haircut. Last year after cutting his hair, he said it’s a tad too short, but two days later, he texted again to say how nice it looks. And similarly, he said it’s too short again this year, despite checking with him on the length constantly. Haha… Regardless, I’m glad I could bring a smile to him, and I truly appreciate his curry chicken for me.

• I am grateful to my friend (the one who has esophageal cancer) for stopping by with a bagful of Chinese New Year cookies and a box of bak kwa (sweetened pork jerky). As I was away, he left it outside my door. I imagine this is his way of showing appreciation for my visits to him at the hospital, and for the friendship we’ve shared over the short months I’ve known him. Whatever the reason, I’m glad I could bring him some cheer, and I have enjoyed our moments together.

• Lastly, I am grateful to friends and family who consistently support and encourage me. I’m reminded of them daily through the food I enjoy. And today, I had home-cooked chicken curry (thanks to J, point 1 above), stewed chicken with mushrooms and bananas (thanks to my sister), kefir (from a dear friend who made a difference in my life last year), and, of course, Chinese New Year goodies (thanks to T, point 2 above).

Even though I may be living on my own, my life feels enriched not just by experiences, but also by the people around me. People may come and go, but recognizing this transient nature of relationships allows me to move past previous misgivings, appreciate the present, and avoid placing too many expectations from them for the future.

A Haircut for an Elderly Person

I wrote about this elderly gentleman last year and how he blocked me. Well, he contacted me again on my last birthday. It was rather unexpected. I had actually deleted off his number but I recognized the picture of his dog that he has on his WhatsApp. I decided to save his number. Not long after, he asked if I could give him another haircut before Chinese New Year. And that was what I did today.

Made a trip to his place. Gave him a nice haircut and off I went. He has aged somewhat and seemed smaller than the last time I saw him. It seemed like his hearing had gotten worse but overall, he looked healthy. We chatted a bit and I could sense he is still very fond of me. I also noted his dog has slimmed down and is much livelier despite the fact that he has grown much older (just like his master).

It was so nice of him to have cooked curry chicken for me to bring home after the haircut. 

Grateful - 27 Jan: Connections

Since many months ago, I would close my glass door, windows, my curtains etc when evenings come and I will blast my tv with songs or watch some senseless shows. This is to allow me to drown off the noises from the kids screaming at the playground down stairs. It can be a tad overwhelming. And this underpin what I want to reflect today as part of my gratitude journal. I cannot be enough grateful for the following:

• I am grateful for the presence of technology - Wi-Fi, TV, and so on - which has allowed me an escape, apart from the many day-to-day conveniences. On some days, it kept me company; on other days, it gave me the sanity I needed, especially when I really needed it. At times, it’s simply there as white noise in the background while I do my housework. Above all, the environment we live in today is vastly different from what I experienced growing up. Technology is just so pervasive in our lives now. I am grateful to be able to enjoy it and to experience these contrasts. Lest I take things for granted, I should savour and be grateful for what I have today, rather than focusing too much on what could go wrong - especially when it comes to technology.

• I am grateful for being able to speak multiple languages. It has allowed me to make connections easily across different cultures. Today, a technician came to my place to install a new router, and from his WhatsApp messages, I noticed that he couldn’t really converse in proper English. From speaking with him, I realised he is from Malaysia. He was pleasantly surprised that I could speak Malay, and it immediately made him feel much more comfortable. So, back to gratitude - I’m grateful to my mum for teaching me the language and for the multicultural environment I was brought up in. I am an enriched person simply by being born into this place, to my mum.

• This last paragraph is dedicated to someone I’ve known for more than a decade via Grindr (or maybe Jack’d). We met up for “fun” occasionally but didn’t keep much contact - it was, after all, a connection rooted in the pleasures of the flesh. We stopped communicating for most of my last relationship, although once in a while he would drop me a message to check in and see if I was doing okay. We re-established contact after my breakup and have been in touch more regularly, especially over the past couple of months. I could sense his care and concern for me, and I noticed how he made special efforts, such as arranging birthday dinners. I think it’s only appropriate to dedicate a paragraph to him. I admit that I miss him and his texts on days when he doesn’t check in. I am grateful that he is in my life.

So yes, today’s post is a tad long, but that’s only fitting, given the reflections that come with journaling.

A New Router

I’ve just upgraded my home Wi-Fi plan, and the technician came by today to replace the router. With the new router installed, the existing mesh system (or router?) at home has been acting a little weird. I’m admittedly not the wisest when it comes to these setups - considering I don’t even really know the difference between a mesh and a router. Anyway, I asked the technician to retain the same Wi-Fi name, and he cleverly suggested keeping it but suffixing it with 2.4G and 5G to differentiate it from the current one and avoid any conflicts (whatever that means).

The home mesh system (or router?) was originally installed and set up by my ex, and perhaps it’s truly time to let it go and replace it with a new setup altogether. It’s not really about the money; rather, it’s about moving on with life and no longer having to worry about whether things will work now that he’s no longer living here. He moved out in May 2024, so it really is time. Symbolically, this Wi-Fi upgrade - and the accompanying replacement with a newer, more powerful router - also represents an upgrade of me as a person: independent, self-reliant, and no longer living in the shadow of my previous relationship (not that I ever really was).

:-)

Burning Smell

The air has been heavy with a burning smell over the past week or so, and on a day or two, I could have sworn it even looked hazy. I am also seeing people complaining about it and how they have experienced difficulties in breathing, etc. All these felt oddly nostalgic. It reminded me of the days when the country was blanketed in thick haze and carried the unmistakable smell of forest burning. That was probably more than a decade ago, when my mum and my dog were still around.

Because of that, the haze and smell over the past week stirred a sense of nostalgia in me. While it was undeniably uncomfortable, a small part of me wished it would linger a little longer. I suppose that’s just how memories work. For now, it’s enough to appreciate it for what it is - to “enjoy” it while it’s here, and just experience it while it is around. No judgment, no anger, no frustration. Just acceptance that it will eventually pass once the burning in the region stops.

https://www.facebook.com/NEASingapore/photos/hotspots-continue-to-be-observed-north-of-singapore-due-to-vegetation-fires-with/1202307645376982/