Grateful - 16 Feb: Family

Today is CNY eve and it’s a day where families gather for reunion dinners and where bonds are remembered and strengthened. Let me then give thanks to “Family”, from a gay person’s perspective - my perspective:

• Immediate Family: The term “immediate family” used to include my partner and my siblings, not so much their kids. Now, it’s just my siblings. My relationships with them have been uneven (for eg, I am not on talking terms with my brother). Despite this, I am thankful for their presence in my life. My interactions with my eldest sister and brother-in-law these days occur far and few between, but the warmth and sense of siblingship are felt in her messages during festive seasons and important days, such as birthdays. For my second sister and her husband, I am grateful for their support when I needed it and for the frequent visits - bringing food or simply checking in to see how I’m managing.

• Extended Family: I am grateful to my extended family. They include relative from both my maternal and paternal sides. I am closer to my paternal side and meet up with my aunts more often - perhaps due to my traditional upbringing. Interacting with them reminds me of my heritage and gives me a sense of rootedness and identity. Similar to previous years, I joined my aunt and her family for their Chinese New Year reunion dinner. She always makes it a point to invite me over and fuss over what to cook. I felt a little bad about imposing, but my cousin assured me that my presence has always been the highlight for her. I’m glad I could bring her some joy today, and I also look forward to joining my other aunt for their family get-together next week.

• Non-blood-related Family: As a gay person, non-blood-related family is a major part of my life, and I am grateful for the support they give. I am referring to my close friends, who fill the vacuum created by the absence of a “traditional” family. These friends play an increasingly important part in my life, especially as members of my parents’ generation dwindle and the extended family disperses. I am thankful to them for their care and concern - checking in on me frequently, visiting, or quietly keeping up with me on social media, sending messages like, “You hardly post anything anymore, everything okay?” “How come you lost so much weight? Hope you are well!” or, “I may not text often but you’re in my thoughts,” or, “Please don’t hesitate to reach out anytime you need, okay?” etc.

I am grateful to my 3 families above. Our interactions is manifested and expressed in mutual respect, encouragement, care, concern and support. That is how we love each other, although the word “love” was hardly ever articulated. Happy Chinese New Year Eve and may everyone continue to celebrate the bonds you have with your families!

Picture shows the CNY must-haves in my home: mandarin oranges, leek, niangao (年糕).