Family ties

Since young, my mum had drilled me to assume the role of the “head” of the family in my dad’s absence. For example, during major prayers, when my dad was at work, she would get me to lead - kneeling in front of the altar, holding the family joss sticks, and offer the prayers. To a kid no more than 6-7 years of age, it was a tad overwhelming but my mum knelt behind me and guided me on what to say.

That was my upbringing and I have, since my dad’s passing almost two decades ago, become the de facto head of the family, represented my family at my cousins’ weddings and later their children’s. It’s a heavy responsibility, but one I take on with honour and pride. Such traditional practices, founded on Confucian values, are still observed by many Chinese families.

My dad was the second eldest son and became head of his family after my paternal grandfather and eldest uncle passed on. His siblings - all his sisters and his only younger brother - would make it a point to visit us during CNY to pay their respects (to my dad) and celebrate family ties. I deeply respect such traditional practices and have continued to observe them.

With my dad and uncles gone, my aunts and cousins no longer visit us. They are now the elders, and I, in turn, make it a point to buy CNY gifts for them and visit them during festivals. My aunts and cousins, on the other hand, will make it a point to invite me to join them for their family reunions and occasional dinners. Just me, not my siblings.

I appreciate their invitations and gestures. I enjoy these annual and regular get-togethers - they keep the family ties alive. But I also know that once my aunts pass on, these gatherings will stop. After all, as the Hokkien saying goes - monkeys will disperse once the tree falls. But for now, as long as the tree stands, we will continue to meet.

Looking forward to next week’s CNY reunion dinner with my aunt’s family. She has called me several times over the past couple of weeks - to remind me and ask what dishes I want to eat. And she had also reminded me - don’t buy anything too expensive, just something simple is good enough.

Heh…

Picture from https://studycli.org/learn-chinese/chinese-family-tree/