unsociable

for whatever reasons, i am just not in a sociable mood these days.

don't feel like talking, don't feel like interacting, don't feel like anything. just wanna get into myself and find my own space. it was the same at work, and it was the same with people around me, except with my mum, where i have to act normal. in this state, i don't mind people fussing over me, but don't expect me to respond. i will be very unresponsive or at best neutral in my response.

i supposed it is one of those times where i just want to be alone - which is actually not difficult cos in this state, i can be in crowded places, but i feel very alone.

afternote:

actually, when i think about it, it is not difficult to understand why i feel this way. at work, there are all sorts of weird dynamics and unsaid tensions, with the departure of my chief. and personally, i am under the stress of wanting to look for a job, having to go through the interviews, having to keep such stories to myself, and at the same time worried that with the ongoing changes, it might affect my current balance established between my work and my home. 

and at home, things seemed pretty routine although i must add that the "routineness" of this routine is somewhat unnatural cos there are many a times where smiles and relax moods are faked and you know why. and as for the people closest to me, including bee, i find it so laborious to share these details. so i keep it inside me, or at most i blog. hmmm, perhaps that is why i have so many blog posts this month!

whatever the case, it didn't change this fact - i feel lost. very lost.