poppers

drove along east coast parkway (ecp) yesterday after visiting mum. as i passed by katong park, i turned my head and saw the chain of condos along meyer road. and for that moment, quick flashes of the past crossed my mind. it was a mix of visuals as well as "feel", if you know what i mean. some things could just be felt but never visualized. and for me, what i felt for that very split second was my first poppers experience. i was not sure why but this feel just shot by that very split second.

flashback. late-1990s… at where the condo stands today and fronting the katong park was katong park hotel. katong park was a superbly popular cruising ground for gaymen and many would congregate at the park itself and many others would head to the dark corners underneath the fort road flyover of the ecp. i was one of them. i had just came out and i was experimenting and savoring the new experiences of cruising and picking up/ being picked up by people. and i spend many a nights alternating between fort road, katong park, and tanjong pagar, where old dilapidated shophouses stood.

back to katong park hotel. it was around that time when the hotel closed down and news were going around that residential units would be built. and during the period before the reconstruction of the residential units, the whole place was dark and entrances into the hotel building were locked. nonetheless, access into the ground floor car park was still open and it was in the dark corners of the car park that many gay men would stand around, waiting for their pick/ to be picked. and it was there that i first experienced poppers.

now without going into details, i remembered i drove my car into the car park and parked it at a corner. it was pitch dark and i dare not move too close to the wall. there was limited space and i was the only car there. when my eyes got accustomed to the darkness, i noted someone standing beside my car. from the silhouette, it looked like a fine young specimen of a person and soon enough, he opened my car door and stepped in. things got physical and before i knew it, he placed something onto my nostril and instinctively, i took a sniff. it smelled sweet and nice and almost immediately, my heart was beating like crazy, i felt light-headed and my whole body felt warm. the feeling was superbly intense and for that moment, i couldn't care if the whole world stopped. i didn't realize i was experiencing my first high. and i never knew what was the thing that gave me that intense feeling until many many years later… ok, enough said. no need to go further… 

that was my first experience with poppers.

as i said, some things cannot be visualized. you can only imagine the feeling. and for me, this was it. i am not sure why i was reminded of this. it had been decades ago… but, for that very split second, i remembered. i refocused my attention back to the road and continued my drive home. a little puzzled.