heartbreak heartaches

this is one of the few songs that i enjoyed during my childhood days. i heard it earlier when i was in shop & save and it prompted me to post this song in this blog. when i heard this song long time ago as a young boy, i thought it was so romantic and that the girl was such a poor thing to be subjected to such treatments by the boyfriend. but these days, when i listen to the lyrics, i was like... errr... hey bitch, get a life, that guy doesn't deserve you! move on girl! no one owes you a living and no one owes you your self-love and dignity, so... get a life and move on. anyway, as i heard this song earlier, it kinda resonated with me becos this period seemed to be a "break-up" period amongst many of my friends. and naturally, i became the aunt agony for a few of them. it's not easy to hear them wallow and go on and on about their issues, etc. but having had gone through a break-up myself, i could understand their tensions. so, i told myself that the least i could do for them was to give them a listening ear. and there were quite a few sms exchanges and thoughts that i felt was rather interesting...

• it was the birthday of one of my friend's partner of 15 years and i smsed him "happy birthday". he told me he was at a spa, alone. i replied and wished him a happy and enjoyable dinner. and his reply came very quickly and it went: "oh, if you are still not aware, so-and-so and i are no longer together". hmmm, i had seen it coming but still, when this news broke, it didn't feel good. i replied: "well, you are still my friend." and he smiled back. i hate it when friends take sides when their common couple-friend break-up, or worse still, they themselves decide to draw lines amongst their friends like as though their friends are objects that can be shared.

• another friend of mine dumped his 8-year partner a couple of months back as his partner was having (many) affairs outside their relationship. and interestingly, he also knows his ex's current bf. but he is on ok terms with him and could only give them his blessings. he shared this with me recently that his ex posted a picture in his fb page declaring how he would not cheat on his current bf... certainly, he did not feel good. the feeling was one of betrayal, jealousy, forlorn, yearn, anger, all mixed together. worst still, he also knew very sure that his ex is not a person who will not be able to live up to his declaration of not cheating...

• another friend of mine told me a while back he had been dumped. and of cos it hit him from out of nowhere. but well, he didn't take it too well and had been very affected by the whole episode. of cos, i became the de facto aunt agony (again). and i got smses from him telling me about his thoughts rather frequently. it was interesting cos all his smses reminded me of myself and how i went through my several break-ups up till james. end of the day, i reflected and thought what my first ex did to me was the most effective in the long run... he gave me the cold turkey treatment. he did not contact me until 3 years later. by that time, i had recovered. in cold turkey treatments, either the "dumper" gives the cold turkey treatment to the "dumpee" or the "dumpee" make the resolve to block the "dumper" and subject himself to the cold turkey treatment. whatever the scenario, it will not be easy for the "dumpee"... but having experienced it before, i can say with full confidence that this is the most effective and in the long run, most humane way to get a person to move on.

ok, enough of rantings about heartbreaks. it is always interesting and painful to experience and/ or to see friends going through breakups. it is easy for me to say what i said above when i am objective and clear. but certainly, when one is in the thick of the emotional swings... i can only empathize. listen and provide a shoulder to cry on. i wish all my friends and anyone going through such difficult patches the strength to move along and to move on. i always tell them this... move on, when one truly loves a person, let go. for the ability to love another person and to let another person go is a true reflection of one's self-love, confidence and worth.

:-)