greed

thinking through the difficulties i went through and all the stress that affected me, i can only conclude that greed is a potent cause for all my stress and suffering.

you see, one of the jobs came with an offer. the offer was a reasonable one. above my previous pay packet and would have met my basic needs and slightly more. i was ready to accept it, but i was greedy and wanted to know more about the other jobs (whose interviews had been fixed). and so i went ahead. and it turned out i felt good after the interview. and then i began to wonder if i should drop this offer and wait for the new jobs, expecting that the pay would be better, the people factor would be better, and so on... 

with this possibility in mind, i began to wonder how to maneuver myself. i started to consult friends, thought through all sorts of possibilities and got all flustered. should i reject this job, should i pressure the new company, should i try to hold back this offer or for that matter, should i negotiate for a better offer. every possible scenario went through my mind. how will i come across if i try to delay the decision, will i be seen as calculative, will i give them a bad impression, etc... the contingencies that went through my mind were plentiful. i ended up feeling all stressed up and started having sleepless night and nightmares. the whole weekend was ruined and i was a total wretched as a result.

finally, after weighing through all the possibilities, i finally decided that a job at hand is better than one that is still quite wishy washy. just look at the experience i had with the previous company. feel good factor and all, and in the end, kept me waiting for 5 months, only to tell me that they can only made the decision in jun 13 earliest. i would simply try to negotiate for a better pay and reject all other jobs. with this, i finally got a good night sleep on sunday night. but this relieve did not last. 

woke up this morning and i started pondering how much more should i could negotiate. how to do it, which angle to go in from, should it be 300 more, 500 more, 800 more, etc. again, the whole process got me all stressed out again. i started consulting friends, researching the net, etc. and finally came to a clear way to how i should steer the negotiation conversation. it was an interesting process, nonetheless. but one thing i was acutely aware of, the package they offered was above what i had asked for and technically, i do not have grounds to negotiate. finally, with this fundamental clarity, i decided that i would go in from an angle of clarification and if need be, not negotiate. with this clarity, i got my composure and i called the company. it was a good conversation. and i finally decided i would accept the offer as it was.

reflecting, this whole stress i put myself through was totally avoidable. but i subjected myself through it. and the key reason why i did so could be traced to one factor - greed.