unrealized trips

i had actually planned to do at least 2 trips this week to malaysia before i start work next week. i had wanted to do these trips quite desperately cos i have not really gone on a break since 4-5 years ago. and during the last employment, trips were not planned due to the hectic nature of the work. also, my financial status was ok, but not enough to have trips. and since mum moved in last year, all trips become impossible without having her getting into her anxious and behaving crazy... and so, i thought before i start work next week, i should do something about it.

firstly, i had planned to head to melaka with bee yesterday. but bee couldn't make it last minute. might as well i thought, after all, the car is having some problems with the engine... so...

and secondly, i had also planned to drive mum up to kl, and possibly up to ipoh to visit my uncle. i thought it would be nice to have her meet up with my uncle since she had not seen him since the 1985 (?) and i reckoned it will be her last trip too cos (1) she is getting on with age and (2) when i start work, i will not likely be able to do so. 

but in the end, this too had to be cancelled given the multiple issues that remained challenging. firstly, it was the car clickety click problem, secondly, i was not sure if i could handle all the logistics (diapers, etc), the drive and taking care of mum alone during the trip given the fact that my back is still unwell and lastly, something that i only realized last week, was the fact that this friday is good friday and that there would be non-stop jams on the roads as well as at the causeway, hotels would be packed (and not to mention, expensive), and that i was not even sure if mum herself could take the long journey...

so, in the end, both trips were cancelled. but well, i guess it is not where i go but the fact that i was able to spend time with bee and mum and to also do it without too much stress on me, physically, mentally and financially. is this self-consolation? hmmm...  

gotta start work soon!